Session 3 - God's Design For Wives

00:00:00.000 | All right. Gentlemen, just to let the ladies know that you not are short forgetters,

00:00:08.120 | we're going to go back and do a really quick little quiz real quickly right to get this started,

00:00:13.440 | and then we're going to talk to the ladies.

00:00:15.320 | This is where the men usually take a lot of copious notes as the women's role.

00:00:20.480 | But all right, three things you got to remember in order to be a godly husband. Are you ready?

00:00:25.200 | You got to be a learner, lover, leader.

00:00:30.480 | There we go. Those three things are really key.

00:00:33.000 | Now, really, I want you to take those and stick those in the back pocket of your memory,

00:00:37.920 | and think about those,

00:00:39.800 | pull those out every now and then,

00:00:41.320 | say, "How am I doing?

00:00:43.520 | What's really going on now?"

00:00:46.120 | Let me talk to the wives at this particular point.

00:00:50.320 | Remember how we said in Genesis chapter 3 and verse 16,

00:00:53.600 | when God gave the curse,

00:00:55.120 | one of the main things that occurred there,

00:00:56.920 | her desire will be to control and manipulate her husband,

00:00:59.680 | his desire will be to rule over her, is the idea.

00:01:03.080 | So now, marriage becomes a game of King of the Hill.

00:01:06.760 | Now, it becomes the battleground of the sexes in this particular case,

00:01:11.400 | and it's really practicing godly roles,

00:01:15.640 | Christ-like roles that change and make the difference.

00:01:20.000 | This is really critical.

00:01:21.440 | So what does God say in relationship to his design for women?

00:01:26.960 | What is his design for women and what should it be?

00:01:30.480 | This is an illustration of what some women really think of their husbands.

00:01:35.320 | Says, "Now, when we last met,

00:01:38.160 | I asked each of you to bring a list of things,

00:01:40.160 | the counselor says that your spouse does that really annoy you."

00:01:44.760 | Now, notice how he has a little posty note,

00:01:48.080 | and she has a whole stack of papers there.

00:01:53.440 | Now, the reason why I put that up there is because this is a true story.

00:01:59.600 | Back several years ago, I had a couple,

00:02:02.040 | they'd been married for about 25 years.

00:02:04.440 | They were having some pretty serious marital problems.

00:02:07.840 | They came into counseling.

00:02:09.800 | I never knew them, never met them before.

00:02:12.720 | I had prayer with them,

00:02:14.600 | and as soon as I said amen on the prayer,

00:02:17.240 | I looked up and I said,

00:02:19.600 | "What seems to be the problem?"

00:02:21.800 | The wife reached into a cloth bag that she had,

00:02:25.340 | and she pulled out a ream of paper and laid it in front of me.

00:02:31.560 | I started sifting through the paper,

00:02:36.160 | and here typed out single space was every wrong thing that her husband had ever done.

00:02:46.000 | She had kept record for 25 years,

00:02:51.200 | and she pointed to it,

00:02:53.680 | and she said to me,

00:02:55.200 | "This is the reason we're having problems."

00:02:59.520 | I thumbed through it a little bit,

00:03:02.040 | and I looked at her and I said,

00:03:03.960 | "You're right.

00:03:06.320 | This is the reason you're having problems."

00:03:11.040 | But I didn't mean it the same way as she did.

00:03:15.520 | I said to her, "Do you claim to love your husband?"

00:03:20.400 | She said, "Well, yes. I love my husband."

00:03:23.520 | I said, "Would it surprise you to know that the Bible says that you don't love him at all?

00:03:29.880 | What are you talking about?

00:03:31.240 | How can you say you don't know me?

00:03:33.320 | How can you say that?"

00:03:34.800 | That's right. I don't know you,

00:03:36.080 | but the Bible says that you don't.

00:03:38.280 | You can't say that.

00:03:40.240 | Where does the Bible say that?

00:03:42.080 | First Corinthians 13 says,

00:03:44.760 | "Love keeps no record of wrongs."

00:03:50.480 | Love keeps no record of wrongs.

00:03:57.240 | Really? Here's 25 years worth.

00:04:01.400 | I still have that ream in my file.

00:04:05.440 | Don't have that. So what's going on?

00:04:10.840 | What's really happened here?

00:04:13.280 | Well, it's pretty obvious that there are a lot of women who are very unhappy in marriage.

00:04:19.360 | There are many unhappy and discontent wives out there,

00:04:21.960 | not because they cannot find happiness and contentment,

00:04:24.680 | but because they've not known how or even tried to do things God's way.

00:04:29.800 | That's certainly true, and in most homes,

00:04:32.600 | roles have been meted out like toss salad.

00:04:34.800 | Few couples really have a biblical view on what their role should be in the home.

00:04:40.720 | Now, there's three things that I want you as a godly wife to remember.

00:04:46.520 | If you're really going to be the type of a woman that God wants you to be,

00:04:51.320 | I want to be God's kind of wife in our marriage,

00:04:55.120 | and if that is your desire,

00:04:56.880 | if that's not your desire in your heart,

00:04:59.160 | then everything I'm going to tell you is not going to mean anything to you.

00:05:03.240 | But if you really have a desire to be a godly wife,

00:05:07.240 | and you really want to honor Jesus Christ in your marriage,

00:05:10.200 | if that's what you want to do,

00:05:12.560 | then you're going to listen very carefully to these three things.

00:05:15.520 | They're really key. Now, anytime we have to deal with the wife's role,

00:05:21.040 | we've got to deal with this one word,

00:05:23.120 | and I'm wondering what comes to your mind when the word submission is mentioned.

00:05:30.480 | What is coming to your mind?

00:05:31.840 | Some women, this is what comes to their mind.

00:05:36.360 | Submission, there it is.

00:05:39.200 | All right. That's what submission is.

00:05:41.520 | That's what the Bible says.

00:05:42.920 | Or maybe it's something like this.

00:05:44.600 | This is what submission is.

00:05:46.520 | Or maybe it's something like this.

00:05:48.800 | This is what submission is.

00:05:50.120 | This is what submission is.

00:05:52.080 | That's what the Bible is talking about,

00:05:54.280 | which shows that you've been really well-trained according to what the world says,

00:06:00.000 | submission is. But what does God say submission is?

00:06:05.880 | Well, grab your Bible again.

00:06:07.360 | We're going to go back to the Bible.

00:06:08.720 | If you don't have a Bible near you, you need to look at this.

00:06:11.400 | Find somebody who has a Bible near you so you can look at this.

00:06:14.240 | Ephesians Chapter 5, I'm going to pick up in verse 22.

00:06:18.880 | "Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord,

00:06:22.920 | for the husband is the head of the wife,

00:06:24.320 | even as Christ is the head of the church,

00:06:26.160 | his body is himself its savior."

00:06:30.560 | So the first thing you got to remember in being a godly wife

00:06:34.800 | is to practice biblical submission.

00:06:39.840 | That's the first thing.

00:06:40.840 | Submission is the first key thing.

00:06:42.600 | Now in order to help you to understand this,

00:06:44.540 | let me talk about what it's not,

00:06:46.080 | and then I'm going to talk about what it is.

00:06:49.360 | And I have to talk about what it's not

00:06:51.000 | because we live in an entire culture today

00:06:53.720 | who has horribly misinformed us

00:06:56.480 | as to what the Bible means when it comes to submission.

00:07:00.200 | So let me identify for you seven things that it is not,

00:07:03.880 | and then we'll talk about what it is.

00:07:06.600 | When we're talking about submission,

00:07:09.680 | it doesn't mean inequality.

00:07:12.400 | Never meant that anywhere.

00:07:14.600 | The world tries to pour that kind of meaning into it,

00:07:17.000 | and therefore they would say

00:07:18.400 | that this is a very demeaning thing for a woman,

00:07:21.520 | when in reality that's not the case at all,

00:07:23.960 | and you'll see why I say that in a few moments.

00:07:27.600 | And in fact, if you take a look at the Godhead itself,

00:07:35.160 | God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit,

00:07:39.600 | there is a functional subordination

00:07:42.560 | that occurs within the Godhead.

00:07:45.280 | Jesus Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane,

00:07:48.520 | before going to the cross, what does he do?

00:07:50.600 | He prays, "Let this cup pass from me.

00:07:54.080 | Nevertheless, not my will be done, but thine be done."

00:07:58.640 | And in doing so, Jesus Christ voluntarily submits himself

00:08:02.560 | to the will of the Father.

00:08:04.640 | Now, let me ask you this question.

00:08:05.880 | When Jesus did that, did that make him any less God?

00:08:09.600 | No. Did that strip him of any kind of attributes of being God?

00:08:13.760 | No, it did not.

00:08:14.920 | He was still fully and completely God,

00:08:17.400 | and yet he surrendered himself to the will of the Father.

00:08:21.760 | It's not as if Jesus didn't know or understand

00:08:26.200 | the need of going to the cross.

00:08:28.360 | It's just that Jesus Christ was not masochistic.

00:08:30.800 | He wasn't looking forward to the pain of the cross,

00:08:33.160 | but even more so, he wasn't looking forward

00:08:35.120 | for the first time in all of eternity,

00:08:37.640 | in eternity, to be separated from the Father by human sin.

00:08:43.640 | That was the worst thing of all.

00:08:46.400 | And the excruciating thought of that

00:08:49.080 | and that kind of separation.

00:08:52.080 | Hence, he prays, "Let this cup of suffering pass from me.

00:08:55.640 | Nevertheless, not my will be done, but thine be done."

00:08:59.880 | He's voluntarily surrendering himself

00:09:01.720 | to the will of the Father.

00:09:03.440 | He also said to the disciples, he said to them,

00:09:05.960 | "I'm going to return to my Father.

00:09:08.000 | But when I do, I'm going to send forth the Spirit,

00:09:11.600 | and he will tell you what I have told him."

00:09:15.800 | So in this particular case, now we have the Holy Spirit

00:09:18.400 | surrendering himself and doing the will of Jesus Christ.

00:09:22.080 | Does that make, at any time, the Holy Spirit any less God?

00:09:26.840 | No, not at all.

00:09:28.240 | Not at all.

00:09:29.120 | He continually shares all the characteristics

00:09:31.800 | and all the attributes of God in his Godhead.

00:09:36.000 | But nevertheless, there is a functional subordination

00:09:39.160 | even within the Godhead.

00:09:41.120 | Submission never meant inequality.

00:09:44.440 | It never meant that.

00:09:46.000 | But somehow, in the way in which the world uses the term

00:09:49.720 | and plugs it within their context,

00:09:51.920 | they've turned it into a very nasty thing

00:09:54.400 | when it's not at all.

00:09:55.520 | Really, from a biblical perspective,

00:09:57.120 | it's a very beautiful thing.

00:09:58.520 | Furthermore, it doesn't mean

00:10:01.560 | the infallibility of the husband.

00:10:03.680 | There are some wives who do this kind of

00:10:05.640 | mental dance in their head.

00:10:07.480 | Okay, I'm willing to be submissive to my husband.

00:10:11.000 | God, you just make it show he doesn't make any mistakes!

00:10:15.540 | All right?

00:10:16.680 | Well, anybody can be submissive

00:10:18.560 | to anybody who's mistake-less.

00:10:21.200 | Anybody can do that.

00:10:23.520 | Well, there is no husband like this on this planet!

00:10:26.480 | They're all gonna make mistakes.

00:10:30.200 | They're all gonna, because they're fallible.

00:10:32.760 | Every husband is a sinner except for one,

00:10:37.080 | and you can't have him.

00:10:38.240 | He's already married to the church.

00:10:40.400 | All right?

00:10:41.400 | That's the only perfect husband.

00:10:44.520 | You can't have him.

00:10:45.640 | Your husband is gonna make mistakes!

00:10:48.340 | He's gonna blow it sometimes.

00:10:50.440 | Actually, sometimes, some of the things

00:10:51.700 | that have happened in our marriage,

00:10:53.140 | I think God has had me blow it

00:10:56.500 | just to test to see if my wife was still gonna follow.

00:10:59.420 | Oh, I can see what she's saying.

00:11:00.860 | Here he goes again.

00:11:02.500 | Here he goes again.

00:11:03.340 | Oh, my goodness.

00:11:04.540 | All right?

00:11:05.360 | Is she still willing to follow in this particular case,

00:11:08.580 | and then later on, I have to learn,

00:11:10.180 | and yeah, Lord, keep teaching him.

00:11:11.860 | I know what her prayer is.

00:11:13.380 | All right, keep working on that guy.

00:11:15.240 | It doesn't mean the infallibility of your husband.

00:11:19.120 | It doesn't mean that.

00:11:20.320 | Furthermore, it doesn't mean immobility.

00:11:23.920 | There are some wives who think that.

00:11:25.240 | I don't do anything.

00:11:26.080 | My wife, my husband does everything.

00:11:28.260 | In fact, I counseled a couple like that several years ago

00:11:33.740 | where they kind of defined submission that way.

00:11:37.520 | She didn't do anything except for basically stay home

00:11:39.880 | and cook meals and watch the kids,

00:11:41.800 | and he did all the shopping, and he purchased things,

00:11:44.920 | and he did all the driving, and he kept the books,

00:11:47.080 | and he did the work, his work and his job,

00:11:50.440 | and as he got older and now had a really bad heart condition

00:11:55.280 | and was close to death, he was scared to death.

00:11:57.560 | His wife didn't have a driver's license.

00:11:59.080 | She couldn't keep the financial books.

00:12:00.600 | She didn't know what was going on in terms of the bank.

00:12:03.120 | None of this was happening at all.

00:12:05.340 | He had not trained her in any way on what was going on,

00:12:10.920 | and now they're in a terrible fix.

00:12:13.040 | No, it doesn't mean that my husband does everything.

00:12:19.640 | No, on the contrary.

00:12:22.200 | If you have a wise husband, he's going to work with you,

00:12:26.320 | and the two of you are gonna share the responsibilities

00:12:28.640 | of that particular marriage in order to move

00:12:30.720 | that marriage forward to the honor and glory of Jesus Christ.

00:12:35.160 | That's what should be happening.

00:12:39.240 | Furthermore, it doesn't mean inarticulation either.

00:12:41.980 | Well, this is the view where I just kind of remain silent.

00:12:48.120 | I don't say anything.

00:12:49.320 | No, your husband needs your input.

00:12:52.760 | I gave you that illustration last hour,

00:12:54.920 | how he carries around male blinders all the time.

00:12:57.560 | Well, in a similar way, you have female blinders on,

00:13:01.280 | and there are certain things that you can learn

00:13:02.840 | from your husband too, but your husband needs your input,

00:13:07.720 | not all the time, 24/7, but he needs your input.

00:13:12.720 | It doesn't mean you have to remind him 12 times.

00:13:18.480 | All right, doesn't mean that at all.

00:13:22.440 | It means that you need to give your perspective on it.

00:13:26.000 | He needs to weigh it, and then they're gonna decide,

00:13:28.200 | he's gonna decide whether or not how far

00:13:30.560 | we're gonna move forward here.

00:13:32.680 | It doesn't mean you're inarticulate.

00:13:34.400 | God gave you a brain.

00:13:36.000 | He gave you gifts.

00:13:37.140 | He gave you abilities, and it's important you use them

00:13:40.520 | in order to further your marriage

00:13:43.040 | in honoring and glorifying Jesus Christ.

00:13:45.160 | That's really key.

00:13:47.080 | Number five, it doesn't mean intellectual stagnation.

00:13:50.160 | I don't do any thinking.

00:13:51.060 | My husband does all the thinking for me.

00:13:52.800 | It's that kind of mentality.

00:13:54.320 | No, that's not it at all.

00:13:56.360 | You need to think.

00:13:59.120 | You need to apply your intellect that God has given you.

00:14:03.840 | I mean, there are some women who act that way,

00:14:05.320 | that God wasted his time giving you a brain.

00:14:08.620 | He didn't do that.

00:14:09.720 | He didn't waste his time.

00:14:12.100 | This is the doormat mentality.

00:14:13.900 | And this is the type of thing that leads a lot of women

00:14:17.820 | who think they're doing the right thing

00:14:19.260 | into terrible decisions,

00:14:21.440 | where they allow their husbands to convince them

00:14:26.580 | to do all kinds of ungodly things,

00:14:28.940 | when if they were really thinking about it,

00:14:30.660 | they would never do it in the first place.

00:14:34.300 | No, God never intended you to be a doormat.

00:14:36.620 | God wants you to use your mind to its fullest extent

00:14:41.740 | in order to compliment your husband

00:14:45.480 | and to further your marriage to Christ's honor and glory.

00:14:49.240 | Number six, it doesn't mean your influence is impossible.

00:14:53.440 | In fact, I want to argue exactly the opposite.

00:14:56.760 | Jesus Christ, who assumed the most submissive role,

00:15:00.280 | even submitted himself into the hands of evil, sinful men

00:15:04.080 | and was crucified on the cross, changed all of history.

00:15:07.920 | From a biblical perspective, it's the submissive person

00:15:11.040 | that has the most influence.

00:15:13.180 | I can argue that from now until eternity.

00:15:17.840 | In other words, it doesn't mean you're not influential.

00:15:21.800 | You can be incredibly influential.

00:15:25.160 | If you try to follow the way the feminists tell you to do

00:15:28.400 | in the world today, then you will be rendered ineffective.

00:15:33.240 | Because they tell you to be assertive,

00:15:36.400 | demanding, insisting on your own rights.

00:15:39.640 | That's what they tell you to do, which makes you ugly.

00:15:42.560 | Nobody wants to be around you.

00:15:44.280 | It makes you incredibly opinionated.

00:15:46.640 | But when you are gracious and smart and honorable,

00:15:51.100 | the way Christ wants you to be,

00:15:52.840 | then you have incredible influence in this world.

00:15:57.840 | Unbelievable influence in this world.

00:16:03.000 | And that's the way God intended you to have.

00:16:05.960 | Last of all, it doesn't mean iniquitous manipulation.

00:16:09.760 | Now, I'm a pastor.

00:16:10.600 | All these things have to start with I, okay?

00:16:13.040 | But you know what I mean.

00:16:15.840 | You ever heard a woman say,

00:16:17.480 | yeah, my husband's the head of the home,

00:16:19.280 | but I'm the neck that turns the head, all right?

00:16:22.840 | He's the marionette and I'm the one behind the scenes

00:16:25.720 | pulling the strings, all right?

00:16:27.360 | I'm the one really making things happen in this home.

00:16:31.120 | I'm the one that's making him walk, talk, dance,

00:16:33.960 | and do whatever he needs to do in order to,

00:16:36.320 | yeah, he's the head of the home,

00:16:37.600 | but I'm really the one that's controlling things

00:16:40.160 | behind the scenes.

00:16:41.120 | It doesn't mean that either.

00:16:42.840 | Never meant that.

00:16:44.360 | And if you think that that's true,

00:16:46.480 | then you have the opposite view of what God says.

00:16:50.440 | Submission doesn't mean that.

00:16:51.840 | You say, okay, okay, I got it, I got it.

00:16:53.960 | I understand, but what does it mean?

00:16:56.340 | What does it mean?

00:16:57.240 | Well, I'm glad you asked that question.

00:17:00.040 | Let's take a look at what it means, all right?

00:17:03.280 | Well, what is it?

00:17:06.320 | Submission is a divine plan of function and order.

00:17:11.320 | The Greek term that's used in the New Testament

00:17:13.760 | is the word hupotasso, and it's actually a military term.

00:17:18.160 | It was used for soldiers that marched in rank

00:17:21.820 | or marching in order.

00:17:23.000 | It was used sometimes in architecture

00:17:25.240 | to line up Roman columns where they would hupotasso

00:17:30.240 | one column to another column.

00:17:34.760 | They would line them up in order.

00:17:37.040 | So the idea here is the concept of submission

00:17:40.900 | is being in rank, marching in order, if you will.

00:17:45.900 | The idea is lining up so that orderly fashion.

00:17:51.200 | Why?

00:17:52.040 | Why is that so important?

00:17:53.160 | Because we live in a world, and you know this,

00:17:57.600 | where marriages are in chaos.

00:18:01.520 | It's just pure chaos.

00:18:04.400 | I'll never forget, 20 years ago,

00:18:06.280 | when we moved from Ohio to California

00:18:08.720 | to teach there at the Master's University and Seminary,

00:18:11.420 | we were put temporarily in a condo.

00:18:15.060 | Lord willing, I hope to never be in a situation like that

00:18:19.280 | anymore, in a situation like that,

00:18:22.520 | and live in a condo like we did.

00:18:24.480 | We did that for a year until we could find a home,

00:18:26.240 | but I remember in the morning, my wife and I would get up,

00:18:29.240 | and we'd have breakfast together, have prayer together,

00:18:30.800 | and read scripture together, and we'd have the windows open,

00:18:34.160 | and we could hear people in condos around us

00:18:37.720 | getting up, arguing, screaming, yelling, throwing things.

00:18:42.720 | I mean, on all different sides.

00:18:45.580 | And we would sit there, and we would pray for those people,

00:18:47.680 | and we would say, man, if this is the condition

00:18:49.600 | of marriages in our country today, we are in deep trouble.

00:18:54.360 | We are in deep trouble.

00:18:56.960 | This never should be the way in which people

00:18:59.640 | should act with one another.

00:19:01.520 | Just common decency should tell you that,

00:19:03.760 | let alone what the Bible says.

00:19:06.080 | It should never be.

00:19:07.560 | That should never be anything.

00:19:09.280 | There's no order, there's no function at all.

00:19:11.920 | And listen, the world understands this on one level.

00:19:15.120 | The world understands this.

00:19:16.740 | Because, let me ask you a question.

00:19:18.440 | How many pilots are there on an airliner?

00:19:22.400 | I just flew here.

00:19:23.600 | There's only one, right?

00:19:25.060 | There's a pilot, and there's a co-pilot, right?

00:19:27.320 | Everybody knows exactly where they are, all right?

00:19:30.000 | You don't have two pilots.

00:19:31.140 | If you have two pilots, in an egalitarian sense,

00:19:35.360 | then what if there's a really dangerous decision

00:19:38.440 | that needs to be made,

00:19:39.280 | and they are different in their decision?

00:19:43.160 | You're gonna have that plane going like this.

00:19:44.880 | (grunting)

00:19:46.400 | And the people in the back

00:19:47.240 | are gonna be bouncing off the ceiling.

00:19:48.800 | That's the way kids are in our homes.

00:19:51.240 | We've got mom and dad fighting for control of the plane.

00:19:55.320 | And the kids are in the back,

00:19:56.460 | getting bounced off the ceiling, all right?

00:19:59.040 | And we wonder why our kids are so awful,

00:20:01.100 | 'cause mom and dad are awful with each other.

00:20:03.400 | No, no, no.

00:20:05.600 | How many generals in an army?

00:20:07.320 | There's one general that oversees even the lesser generals,

00:20:10.840 | and all the people underneath them,

00:20:12.040 | and all the people underneath.

00:20:13.000 | There's one general, 'cause we know we can't function,

00:20:16.000 | we can't accomplish anything,

00:20:18.160 | and we can't move forward

00:20:19.880 | until somebody makes a final decision.

00:20:22.720 | God has designated your husband

00:20:25.320 | to make that final decision.

00:20:27.560 | I know he's not perfect.

00:20:28.760 | I know sometimes his decisions are unloving.

00:20:31.680 | I understand that.

00:20:33.480 | He is a sinner.

00:20:34.560 | I understand that.

00:20:36.280 | But is God, your God,

00:20:39.200 | big enough to overrule the stupidity of your husband?

00:20:45.320 | (congregation laughing)

00:20:48.520 | Yes, he is.

00:20:50.200 | He is.

00:20:51.320 | God is, he is big enough to overrule his stupid decisions.

00:20:56.320 | All right?

00:20:59.400 | This goes back to how much you trust God,

00:21:02.640 | and what God is doing in your home, all right?

00:21:06.280 | It's a divine plan of function and order.

00:21:08.200 | It's a way of life for every believer.

00:21:09.580 | You can see this in verse 21,

00:21:11.600 | when he talks about submitting to one another

00:21:13.640 | out of reverence for Christ.

00:21:15.380 | Why?

00:21:16.220 | This is not something that a woman learns

00:21:17.700 | when she gets married.

00:21:18.760 | If that's true, don't marry that woman.

00:21:20.720 | No, no, no.

00:21:22.720 | It's something that every man and every woman knows.

00:21:25.500 | When they're a baby, and they're a child,

00:21:28.280 | they have to submit themselves to their parents.

00:21:30.120 | Later on, they have to submit themselves to their teachers.

00:21:32.640 | Later on, they have to submit themselves

00:21:34.760 | to their professors at college.

00:21:36.240 | They have to submit themselves to the police officers

00:21:39.880 | there in society and culture.

00:21:41.760 | They have to submit themselves

00:21:43.480 | to the leadership of the church, all right?

00:21:47.080 | They have to submit.

00:21:47.920 | This is what should be an attitude

00:21:51.160 | for every believer in every walk of life.

00:21:55.560 | It's not just something a woman adopts

00:21:57.440 | when she becomes a Christian.

00:21:59.200 | Every man and woman should understand this,

00:22:02.320 | because it is a divine plan of function and order.

00:22:05.520 | It's a protection for the wife as well.

00:22:07.480 | It's like an umbrella.

00:22:08.920 | She doesn't have to be exposed to some of the things

00:22:11.320 | that are a part of this world the way he is.

00:22:15.280 | He's gonna shoulder those things, and she doesn't have to.

00:22:17.960 | This actually gives her freedom,

00:22:20.080 | living underneath that shelter,

00:22:25.060 | where he's sheltering many of those things.

00:22:27.920 | I know there are some husbands

00:22:29.800 | who have holes in their umbrella.

00:22:31.960 | I know that.

00:22:32.820 | So you need to get under the area

00:22:35.960 | that doesn't have a hole in it, all right?

00:22:39.680 | But if your husband's doing the right thing,

00:22:41.720 | he's going to be a shelter.

00:22:43.200 | His leadership's gonna be a shelter,

00:22:45.000 | and he should shelter,

00:22:47.080 | this is what true masculinity does,

00:22:49.200 | on his shoulders a lot of the big issues

00:22:52.640 | that you don't have to bother with.

00:22:55.040 | But once you decide to walk out

00:22:56.360 | from underneath that umbrella and do your own thing,

00:22:59.240 | now you're exposed to elements and things in the world

00:23:01.860 | that God never intends you to be exposed to.

00:23:04.240 | It's like the man in 1 Corinthians 15

00:23:06.440 | that Paul said the church

00:23:07.560 | had to take through church discipline

00:23:09.760 | because he was sleeping with his stepmother.

00:23:14.160 | Paul says, "Turn him over to Satan

00:23:17.540 | "for the destruction of the flesh

00:23:18.880 | "that his soul might be saved."

00:23:20.960 | In other words, they were removing him

00:23:22.840 | from the protective graces of the church,

00:23:26.360 | exposing him out in the world

00:23:28.480 | to be exposed to Satan and the elements of the world

00:23:31.820 | in order to bring him to repentance,

00:23:34.480 | to bring him back underneath

00:23:36.000 | the protective graces of the church.

00:23:39.240 | And by the way, in 2 Corinthians 2,

00:23:42.880 | that man was brought to repentance,

00:23:45.920 | and Paul then later says,

00:23:47.520 | "Now receive him back and comfort him."

00:23:51.020 | The Greek there is pretty explicit.

00:23:52.760 | "Throw a party for that repentant man.

00:23:55.120 | "He finally repents."

00:23:56.720 | Here's a guy who was unrepentant

00:23:59.760 | and sleeping with his stepmother.

00:24:02.140 | Things that didn't even occur in the world, Paul said.

00:24:05.360 | It was occurring there in the church.

00:24:08.200 | So it's a protection for the wife.

00:24:11.400 | Furthermore, it's an attitude in her heart.

00:24:15.040 | Attitude, it's as unto the Lord.

00:24:17.120 | You can see that in verse 22.

00:24:19.520 | "Submit yourselves to your own husbands

00:24:21.360 | "as to the Lord," it says.

00:24:25.320 | So the way in which you submit yourself to your husband

00:24:29.040 | reveals your spiritual walk before God.

00:24:32.140 | This is really important for you to understand.

00:24:36.180 | When you refuse to do that,

00:24:37.940 | that reveals the fact that your walk with God is not good,

00:24:42.900 | that there's a major problem in your walk with God.

00:24:45.640 | Furthermore, it's an act of the will,

00:24:48.380 | and it's not a feeling.

00:24:49.220 | You wait until you feel like it, it'll never happen.

00:24:52.460 | There are some women who do that.

00:24:53.660 | "I'm waiting until I feel like doing it."

00:24:56.600 | And guess what?

00:24:58.500 | It never comes.

00:24:59.900 | It never comes.

00:25:02.300 | No, no, no.

00:25:03.140 | It's something that I decide to do.

00:25:06.080 | I decide I'm going to do it.

00:25:08.460 | And it's amazing how God actually uses that

00:25:11.720 | to change the heart of your husband.

00:25:13.560 | When he sees a wife who's really trying

00:25:18.280 | to do her best to do that,

00:25:20.260 | all of a sudden he becomes a much more agreeable person

00:25:23.520 | to live with.

00:25:24.360 | It's not just him that's changing, I want you to know.

00:25:28.160 | It's your perception of him that's changing.

00:25:30.520 | Not just him.

00:25:32.440 | He changes.

00:25:33.260 | Yeah, yeah, he does.

00:25:34.340 | But your perception of him is changing.

00:25:36.580 | So it's an act of the will, it's not a feeling.

00:25:39.600 | And it's the proof of your love.

00:25:41.520 | Why do we say that?

00:25:42.400 | Because John 14, 21 says,

00:25:44.680 | "If you love me," Jesus said, "keep my commandments."

00:25:49.360 | You can say that you love your husband,

00:25:51.720 | and you can say it until you are blue in the face.

00:25:56.040 | You can say it loud and long,

00:26:00.600 | but it's absolutely meaningless

00:26:03.360 | unless you're willing to follow him.

00:26:05.620 | It's absolutely meaningless.

00:26:08.380 | It is the proof of your love for him.

00:26:12.080 | Furthermore, not only that, it's an all-inclusive command.

00:26:16.640 | Notice this, where he says in verse 24,

00:26:19.640 | "Now as the church submits to Christ,

00:26:23.520 | "so wives should submit in everything to their husbands."

00:26:28.360 | Now, notice that in everything.

00:26:30.720 | Now, wait a minute.

00:26:31.560 | You say, "Well, what if my husband tells me to lie?"

00:26:34.760 | Or, "What if he tells me to cheat?"

00:26:36.520 | Or, "What if he tells me to do something wrong?"

00:26:40.120 | Well, if you study this within context again,

00:26:43.440 | because a text without a context

00:26:44.880 | is a pretext for a proof text, right?

00:26:47.200 | In context, you'll find out

00:26:48.800 | that it means in everything that is right.

00:26:52.180 | In everything that is right.

00:26:56.460 | In other words, if your husband tells you to lie

00:26:58.860 | or to cheat on your income taxes

00:27:02.380 | or to steal or to misrepresent,

00:27:06.060 | you need to say, "Sweetheart, you know what?

00:27:08.380 | "I love you.

00:27:09.720 | "I just love you, but I can't do that

00:27:13.320 | "because you're not my God.

00:27:15.620 | "You're my husband.

00:27:17.380 | "There's a difference."

00:27:19.780 | So this is where using your brain,

00:27:22.660 | living by the word of God, God will honor.

00:27:25.940 | This is really important for you.

00:27:29.460 | It's in everything that is right.

00:27:32.460 | It's an all-inclusive command.

00:27:33.960 | Furthermore, it's a proper relationship to God's authority.

00:27:38.660 | The proper relationship to God's authority.

00:27:40.880 | That shows that you have a learner spirit.

00:27:44.420 | You are being a true disciple of Jesus Christ,

00:27:48.180 | and this is a proper relationship to Him

00:27:50.900 | when you're willing to be submissive,

00:27:53.060 | and it's a way to stay youthful.

00:27:55.220 | Let me show you this.

00:27:56.300 | Take your Bible.

00:27:57.140 | Let's go over to 1 Peter 3.

00:27:59.260 | I told you I'd come back here.

00:28:00.760 | 1 Peter 3, we already talked about

00:28:03.900 | why 1 Peter was written when we talked

00:28:06.620 | in the husband's section.

00:28:08.720 | Written to Christians undergoing severe persecution.

00:28:16.200 | Well, 1 Peter 3.1, it says, "Likewise," like what?

00:28:19.840 | Well, back in chapter two,

00:28:20.920 | like Christ dealt with unjust suffering.

00:28:25.080 | "Likewise, wives," this is Christian wives,

00:28:28.280 | "be subject or submissive to your own husbands

00:28:31.120 | "so that even if some do not obey the word,

00:28:35.780 | "they may be won without a word

00:28:38.840 | "by the conduct of their wives."

00:28:42.360 | In other words, you can win your husband over

00:28:47.120 | without lecturing him to righteousness,

00:28:50.160 | even if you have an unbelieving husband.

00:28:52.160 | This is really key, because women think

00:28:55.800 | that they can lecture their husbands into righteousness,

00:28:59.640 | and really, it does just the opposite.

00:29:01.840 | It sends up the walls.

00:29:04.400 | No, he says, "You live Christlike in front of Him,

00:29:07.720 | "that's the most persuasive thing that you can do."

00:29:10.920 | In other words, you don't put repent

00:29:13.200 | in the bottom of his beer can.

00:29:15.160 | That's not the way you bring him to righteousness, all right?

00:29:19.200 | You don't bombard him with words.

00:29:23.980 | You don't do that.

00:29:25.520 | That's not the way you win him over to righteousness.

00:29:28.880 | How do you win him over to righteousness?

00:29:30.800 | It's by the conduct of your life.

00:29:32.560 | Verse two says, "When they see your respectful

00:29:36.680 | "and pure conduct, do not let your adorning,"

00:29:40.540 | verse three says, "be external, the braiding of hair

00:29:43.440 | "and the putting on of gold jewelry and clothing you wear."

00:29:47.120 | Now, God's not against braided hair,

00:29:48.800 | and He's not against gold jewelry or clothing.

00:29:52.000 | He's saying that that's not where your true beauty

00:29:55.000 | is going to come from.

00:29:56.360 | But, verse four, "Now, ladies, put your seatbelts on,

00:30:03.400 | "helmets, and flak vests.

00:30:07.020 | "But let your adorning be the hidden person

00:30:12.020 | "of the heart with the imperishable beauty

00:30:16.060 | "of a gentle and quiet spirit,

00:30:17.760 | "which in God's sight is very precious."

00:30:21.040 | This is a very influential woman.

00:30:23.420 | Clear back in 1985, we planted a church

00:30:29.200 | in between Dayton and Cincinnati, Ohio.

00:30:32.480 | And I'll never forget, in those early days,

00:30:35.960 | we had an elderly couple that came to our church.

00:30:38.400 | Their names were Delbert and Evelyn Lakes,

00:30:40.420 | really godly couple.

00:30:42.240 | They're in heaven now.

00:30:43.320 | I so look forward to seeing Delbert and Evelyn

00:30:46.120 | someday in heaven.

00:30:47.660 | But they were an elderly couple in our church,

00:30:49.640 | and we had a very young church.

00:30:51.560 | But I would watch as a pastor at the Collegiate of Services

00:30:55.960 | all the young men and women gather around

00:30:58.640 | Delbert and Evelyn, not because they were beautiful.

00:31:01.720 | They weren't.

00:31:02.560 | You never find them on the front page of Seventeen magazine.

00:31:06.240 | They weren't good-looking people at all.

00:31:08.940 | But I'm telling you, they were some of the most

00:31:14.320 | attractive people on the planet, and especially Evelyn.

00:31:19.320 | Evelyn was just a godly woman,

00:31:22.040 | and all the women wanted to know what her secret was.

00:31:25.560 | Wasn't external.

00:31:27.280 | You could buy gallons and gallons of oil of Olay

00:31:30.000 | and take baths in it all day long,

00:31:32.060 | and you are fighting a losing battle!

00:31:34.800 | All right, this is gonna get wrinkled.

00:31:36.360 | You're gonna get crow's feet.

00:31:38.260 | All right, you're gonna get stooped over.

00:31:40.440 | You can take vitamins, ad infinitum, and calcium,

00:31:43.040 | all you want, and age is gonna take its toll.

00:31:47.240 | But the way you stay beautiful

00:31:49.760 | has to do with the inner person of the heart!

00:31:52.520 | That beauty that comes from the inside,

00:31:56.600 | that is a beautiful thing.

00:31:58.280 | Any husband that doesn't realize that

00:32:02.080 | is not a husband that's interested in godliness.

00:32:05.080 | (silence)

00:32:07.920 | A gentle and quiet spirit, this is not a woman

00:32:10.360 | who's weak, milquetoast type of,

00:32:12.000 | this is a very strong woman who knows

00:32:13.720 | exactly what she believes.

00:32:15.620 | She trusts in god, she's not demanding,

00:32:19.520 | she's not hateful, she's not assertive.

00:32:22.680 | She doesn't demand her rights, she doesn't do that.

00:32:26.000 | She trusts a sovereign god that's working in her life.

00:32:29.440 | She lives out Christlikeness and lets the results,

00:32:33.280 | leaves the results up to god.

00:32:35.720 | That's what she does.

00:32:37.400 | It's a way to stay youthful.

00:32:38.860 | And it's a picture of how the church

00:32:41.480 | of Jesus Christ is to obey him.

00:32:44.520 | Soldiers in rank, pillars in place,

00:32:46.400 | the church obeying god.

00:32:48.080 | That's what should be happening.

00:32:49.900 | It's a picture of this.

00:32:51.960 | Now on what is this based?

00:32:54.920 | What is this based?

00:32:55.760 | Well notice this.

00:32:57.400 | Take your Bible again, let's go over to 1 Timothy,

00:33:00.560 | chapter two, 1 Timothy chapter two.

00:33:04.960 | We'll pick up in verse 13.

00:33:06.760 | Notice this, it says this submission

00:33:13.800 | is based upon creation order.

00:33:16.860 | Verse 13 says, "For Adam was formed first, then Eve."

00:33:22.560 | Paul's explaining why this is so important here,

00:33:25.040 | and in this case, he's saying even if sin

00:33:29.160 | had never come into the world,

00:33:30.560 | God still would have expected women

00:33:32.640 | to follow their husband in terms of leadership.

00:33:35.000 | It's based on the order of creation.

00:33:38.720 | For Paul, the order of creation

00:33:42.560 | has theological significance in this issue.

00:33:47.560 | And then verse 14 goes on and says,

00:33:53.360 | now bringing sin into the picture,

00:33:55.040 | "And Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived

00:33:57.960 | "and became the transgressor."

00:34:00.120 | So it's also based upon Eve's fall into sin.

00:34:04.080 | It's based upon Eve's fall into sin.

00:34:09.440 | Eve has a problem, that is giving in to people.

00:34:14.080 | So this becomes a protection for her.

00:34:17.960 | This becomes a key thing.

00:34:19.400 | We know that, even in sales, they know this.

00:34:24.680 | If they can call a home,

00:34:26.640 | and they always call right around supper time

00:34:28.360 | 'cause they know everybody's gonna be assembled.

00:34:29.720 | You get those kind of phone calls.

00:34:31.120 | Well, people don't have landlines anymore.

00:34:32.920 | Now they're getting into cell phones now,

00:34:35.680 | but we still have a landline in our house.

00:34:39.380 | And we get sales calls right around supper times.

00:34:42.080 | Phones silent all day long.

00:34:43.460 | Supper time, it lights up.

00:34:44.760 | They wanna sell you windows,

00:34:46.320 | and they wanna sell you blinds,

00:34:48.800 | and they wanna sell you everything on the planet.

00:34:51.960 | And they know statistically, I've read the statistics,

00:34:54.140 | if they can talk to the woman of the household,

00:34:55.920 | statistically, they can sell more.

00:34:57.680 | All right, 'cause men will be rude.

00:35:00.740 | They'll just hang up on 'em.

00:35:02.720 | All right, women will listen to their whole spiel

00:35:05.640 | type of thing.

00:35:06.960 | Now, I know you're saying,

00:35:07.800 | "That wouldn't happen to my household."

00:35:09.520 | I know, but statistics don't lie.

00:35:11.340 | The implication here is that she has a problem

00:35:17.800 | giving in to people.

00:35:22.640 | That's really such a key thing.

00:35:24.780 | This becomes a protection for her.

00:35:26.940 | Then it's a lesson that God once taught.

00:35:31.220 | That is obedience to Christ.

00:35:33.580 | By her doing this, she's teaching other young women,

00:35:37.700 | she's teaching her children,

00:35:39.560 | she's even teaching her husband obedience to Christ.

00:35:43.540 | And upon that, godly submission is built.

00:35:48.160 | It's built upon the order of creation.

00:35:52.240 | It's built upon Eve's fall into sin.

00:35:54.540 | It's built upon the fact that God wants

00:35:56.980 | that lesson to be taught.

00:35:58.600 | That's what God has established.

00:36:02.580 | So the first thing you gotta remember

00:36:04.060 | in order to be a godly wife is submission.

00:36:06.960 | There's a second thing.

00:36:08.800 | I want you to grab your Bible

00:36:09.740 | and go back to Genesis chapter two and verse 18.

00:36:12.280 | Genesis chapter two and verse 18.

00:36:15.180 | We were there in our first session last night.

00:36:22.100 | Verse 18 says, "Then the Lord God said,

00:36:24.540 | "It is not good that man should be alone,

00:36:26.300 | "that I will make a helper suitable for him."

00:36:29.600 | The second thing you need to understand

00:36:31.360 | in being a godly husband or be a godly wife

00:36:35.320 | is to be a suitable helper.

00:36:36.900 | What does that really mean?

00:36:40.360 | What does it mean, as I mentioned in our first session,

00:36:43.400 | what does it mean to be an eiser conigno?

00:36:45.600 | Well, it's someone who is ideally suited for him.

00:36:51.280 | She is his perfect complement.

00:36:55.080 | She is a completer.

00:36:58.220 | She's a fitting help.

00:37:00.580 | She's not a dishwasher, she's not a housewife,

00:37:03.340 | she's not a babysitter, but she is a completer.

00:37:07.500 | She completes him.

00:37:09.860 | She brings companionship into that relationship.

00:37:14.280 | That means also that her husband is her primary ministry.

00:37:20.440 | There's no one else.

00:37:21.440 | It's not the kids that are her primary ministry.

00:37:24.940 | It's not other people outside the home.

00:37:27.540 | It's not people at church that's her primary ministry.

00:37:30.520 | It's not someone in the neighborhood.

00:37:34.420 | Her primary ministry, in God's eyes, is her husband.

00:37:39.060 | You say, "Well, what if you have a husband

00:37:42.460 | "that's not a believer?"

00:37:43.580 | Well, that's still her primary ministry.

00:37:45.420 | She is God's called missionary to him.

00:37:49.180 | 1 Peter 3, 1 through 6, talks about how she should live

00:37:52.700 | with an unbelieving husband.

00:37:54.100 | And if that's true with an unbelieving husband,

00:37:55.860 | it certainly should be true of a believing husband as well,

00:37:58.800 | how she needs to live.

00:38:00.960 | So her husband then is her primary ministry.

00:38:05.580 | God has so designed her heart that she will find

00:38:08.160 | her greatest joy and contentment in that role,

00:38:11.360 | that is being his suitable helper.

00:38:15.780 | He's not put into the home to follow her aspirations.

00:38:20.780 | She is placed in the home to follow his aspirations.

00:38:25.960 | There's a difference, and it's a huge one.

00:38:28.300 | And that priority shift has taken place,

00:38:31.200 | and no wonder it has stripped men of true masculinity

00:38:36.200 | from a biblical perspective.

00:38:37.820 | There's nothing more that a man wants than to be able

00:38:42.220 | to protect and provide for their wife.

00:38:46.500 | It's not his job to follow her career.

00:38:51.300 | It is her job to follow his career.

00:38:55.500 | Now, is it bad that she has a career?

00:38:56.900 | No, I'm not saying it's bad.

00:38:58.700 | But her primary responsibility is that home,

00:39:01.860 | and her primary ministry is her husband.

00:39:05.180 | That's really a key thing.

00:39:07.680 | And anything less than that is going to introduce misery,

00:39:11.420 | strife, difficulty, and hardship into that home.

00:39:16.180 | Now, let me help you see this.

00:39:20.140 | Let's go back to 1 Timothy chapter two.

00:39:22.220 | This is really important.

00:39:25.020 | 1 Timothy chapter two.

00:39:27.580 | We already took a look at verse 13 and 14.

00:39:34.060 | Now take a look at verse 15.

00:39:36.380 | Yet she shall be saved through childbearing,

00:39:41.540 | if they continue in faith and love

00:39:43.940 | and holiness with self-control.

00:39:45.860 | What does that mean?

00:39:46.700 | It doesn't mean eternally saved.

00:39:48.820 | That's not what it means here.

00:39:50.260 | Saved, the word sozo, can be used in different senses.

00:39:53.420 | Here it is, saved from heartache, strife,

00:39:58.420 | difficulty, and hardship, if she gets her priorities straight.

00:40:03.860 | That's really a critical thing.

00:40:09.080 | God saves her from those kinds of hardships

00:40:13.700 | and difficulty and heartaches,

00:40:16.620 | if she gets godly priorities straight in her home.

00:40:20.180 | She finds her greatest joy,

00:40:23.820 | her greatest contentment in that role.

00:40:27.380 | She then is a contributing member of a partnership.

00:40:32.380 | As Titus two, verses three through five says,

00:40:34.840 | she is supposed to be,

00:40:36.340 | her primary role is to be busy at home,

00:40:39.680 | contributing to that partnership.

00:40:41.840 | The result is that God then blesses that home.

00:40:47.540 | And this is where Proverbs 31, verse 28,

00:40:51.280 | talks about her husband and her children

00:40:54.120 | rise up and call her blessed.

00:40:56.860 | Because everything she does in the virtuous woman

00:41:00.260 | there in Proverbs 31 is in order to benefit her husband

00:41:04.480 | and to benefit her children.

00:41:06.380 | Everything that she does, does that.

00:41:08.180 | So, the first thing you gotta remember

00:41:12.860 | in being a godly wife is submission.

00:41:14.520 | The second thing you need to remember is suitable helper.

00:41:17.160 | There's a third thing.

00:41:18.580 | Let's go over to Ephesians chapter five.

00:41:21.320 | And we're gonna take a look at verse 33.

00:41:24.640 | Ephesians chapter five and verse 33.

00:41:32.240 | Paul has a summary verse here for both husbands and wives.

00:41:35.520 | And he says, however,

00:41:37.000 | let each one of you love his wife as himself.

00:41:40.520 | He goes back to the love that the husband's supposed to have

00:41:43.560 | and let the wife see to it that she respects her husband.

00:41:47.640 | The Greek term that's used there is phobos.

00:41:49.880 | It's where we often translate the word fear,

00:41:51.960 | but it doesn't mean fear in the sense of horror or terror.

00:41:54.800 | It means fear in the sense of respect.

00:41:57.000 | Hence it translated,

00:41:58.380 | she sees to it that she respects her husband.

00:42:00.860 | The first thing is submission.

00:42:02.200 | The second thing, suitable helper.

00:42:03.640 | The third thing has to do with being selflessly reverent.

00:42:07.840 | Those three things are really key.

00:42:09.960 | Selflessly reverent.

00:42:12.680 | What does it mean to be selflessly reverent?

00:42:15.200 | It means to honor him, prefer him, venerate him,

00:42:18.100 | esteem him, praise him, love him, admire him exceedingly.

00:42:22.960 | That's what it means.

00:42:23.920 | And I know what you're thinking.

00:42:25.040 | I've had women say this to me before.

00:42:26.920 | Oh my goodness, you know, if I do that,

00:42:29.240 | you don't know my husband.

00:42:30.600 | So what?

00:42:32.760 | Well, if I do this, this is just gonna feed his male ego.

00:42:36.700 | This guy's gonna be an impossible person to live with.

00:42:39.400 | And I want to suggest to you

00:42:43.360 | that just the opposite will happen.

00:42:45.100 | If he's a godly husband,

00:42:47.940 | he'll know above all people on the planet

00:42:52.960 | how much he does not deserve that honor,

00:42:57.140 | that veneration, that esteem, that praise,

00:43:00.640 | that kind of love, that type of admiration above all thing,

00:43:04.960 | and it actually has a humbling effect.

00:43:07.640 | When you try to compete with him,

00:43:11.640 | then that's going to throw up the walls,

00:43:15.120 | that's gonna bring in the strife.

00:43:17.480 | When you start honoring him, preferring him,

00:43:20.960 | venerating him, esteeming him, praising him,

00:43:23.920 | loving him, admiring him exceedingly,

00:43:26.880 | when you start doing that,

00:43:28.280 | you will have a different husband.

00:43:31.160 | You show me a wife that does that,

00:43:33.160 | and I will show you a very happy husband.

00:43:36.060 | A wife that does that,

00:43:39.520 | and that's what a husband's heart wants.

00:43:43.680 | He wants his wife to do that.

00:43:46.880 | Not artificially, not fake praise.

00:43:49.920 | We're not talking about that.

00:43:51.560 | We're talking about genuine praise

00:43:53.940 | where you can find your husband does plenty of things,

00:43:57.160 | and he does it well, you just ignore it.

00:43:59.900 | You need to find it.

00:44:03.560 | You need to start being alert to it.

00:44:05.880 | We're talking about honoring him, preferring him,

00:44:10.680 | esteeming him, all of these things.

00:44:14.840 | She is to hold him in the highest esteem

00:44:17.960 | within her own heart and mind.

00:44:19.960 | This is really key.

00:44:22.240 | This is what she must do.

00:44:25.260 | But the opposite is happening.

00:44:28.100 | Instead of she's critical, she's angry, she's bitter,

00:44:32.860 | she becomes hateful, terrible things

00:44:35.340 | comes out of her mouth towards him.

00:44:38.080 | Horrible, hateful things, angry things.

00:44:42.360 | She's not honoring him, she's not preferring him.

00:44:46.100 | She's not loving him.

00:44:47.920 | She's certainly not admiring him.

00:44:50.940 | I know that there are things about your husband

00:44:52.520 | that's not admirable, I know that.

00:44:55.320 | 'Cause I'm a husband.

00:44:56.360 | I've worked with lots of husbands.

00:44:59.760 | But you need to find the things that are

00:45:05.360 | and zero in on them, and all of a sudden,

00:45:07.960 | you'll start to find a different husband.

00:45:10.000 | It needs to happen.

00:45:12.480 | What it doesn't mean, reverence him,

00:45:18.280 | don't try to revamp him.

00:45:20.900 | I mentioned this before.

00:45:21.840 | You're not his personal Holy Spirit

00:45:23.320 | to convict him of sin, righteousness, and judgment.

00:45:26.020 | The Holy Spirit will do a much better job.

00:45:27.920 | That is not your role.

00:45:29.200 | God did not give you that role

00:45:31.080 | to be critical to your husband.

00:45:33.200 | Let the Holy Spirit do his job.

00:45:35.760 | Get out of the way of the Holy Spirit

00:45:37.960 | and let the Holy Spirit work in your husband's life.

00:45:40.840 | The Holy Spirit will do a whole lot better job

00:45:44.320 | than you ever will in a million years.

00:45:47.440 | Reverence him, don't try to revamp him.

00:45:50.540 | Focusing on his negatives becomes your excuse

00:45:53.640 | not to obey him or follow.

00:45:55.580 | And you can probably find plenty,

00:45:59.400 | but when you focus on those, that becomes your excuse.

00:46:03.000 | And a failure to do so ultimately

00:46:05.240 | will destroy your love for him.

00:46:08.560 | It's almost like dominoes that begins to fall.

00:46:11.520 | It's dominoes that begin to fall.

00:46:13.720 | Then you can see him, one right after another.

00:46:16.160 | Reverence him, don't try to revamp him.

00:46:20.080 | Don't try to do that, don't focus on his negatives.

00:46:23.520 | Being selflessly reverent means

00:46:25.080 | to admire him exceedingly and love him.

00:46:27.920 | Build a reverent heart towards him in your heart.

00:46:32.880 | That's what needs to happen.

00:46:34.420 | Too many women don't do that and they're miserable.

00:46:38.420 | They are miserable, not because they can't be happy,

00:46:41.260 | but because they've really not tried it God's way.

00:46:43.760 | Those dominoes begin to fall.

00:46:47.040 | A failure to actively pursue a high degree of respect

00:46:49.720 | for your husband will result in growing tension

00:46:53.200 | in your marriage, increasing anger in your life.

00:46:57.920 | Discouragement will set in.

00:47:00.480 | Depression will follow right on the heels of that.

00:47:03.920 | There will be a general hindering of God's work

00:47:07.640 | in your home when you fail to reverence your husband.

00:47:12.120 | God knows what he's talking about here in Ephesians 5:33.

00:47:15.520 | And if you don't follow it, remember how I talked about,

00:47:19.040 | according to Romans 12, nine,

00:47:20.880 | we've got to learn to hate our sin.

00:47:25.280 | If I'm not following,

00:47:26.200 | if I'm not truly reverencing my husband,

00:47:29.560 | then I'm going to pay the price for it, God says.

00:47:32.460 | And here's the price.

00:47:33.920 | I'm going to be, there's going to be tension.

00:47:36.920 | There's going to be strife.

00:47:38.160 | There's going to be anger and discouragement and depression.

00:47:41.360 | And it can go on for years, for years.

00:47:48.360 | And it doesn't have to, it doesn't have to.

00:47:51.980 | Three things you've got to remember

00:47:54.740 | in order to be a godly wife.

00:47:56.360 | Submission, suitable helper, selflessly reverent.

00:47:58.840 | You say, that's more complicated than the men's.

00:48:02.400 | Well, because I think you ladies

00:48:07.580 | are far more sophisticated in your thinking.

00:48:10.080 | All right, three things you remember.

00:48:14.820 | All right, gentlemen, hide your notes.

00:48:17.960 | All right, the ladies are all going to look at me

00:48:20.560 | and they're going to repeat pop quiz here.

00:48:22.880 | Three things you got to remember

00:48:24.360 | in order to be a godly wife.

00:48:26.400 | Number one, when I, I'm going to be a godly wife

00:48:29.480 | when I practice.

00:48:44.120 | We're going to try it again.

00:48:45.920 | This time, as my third grade teacher used to say,

00:48:50.800 | okay, children, take the smiles out of your pocket

00:48:55.280 | and put them on.

00:48:56.280 | Okay, here we go.

00:48:57.640 | Three things you've got to remember

00:48:58.920 | in order to be a godly wife.

00:49:00.280 | Now, say them out, submission.

00:49:03.100 | There we go, that's exactly right.

00:49:10.020 | In our next session, we're going to take

00:49:11.460 | a little bit longer of a break now,

00:49:13.320 | but in the next session, we're going to talk

00:49:15.440 | about godly communication, but before we go,

00:49:18.120 | gentlemen, you're going to delight your wives

00:49:20.760 | by recalling the three things you need to remember

00:49:23.560 | in order to be a godly husband.

00:49:25.220 | Ready, here we go.

00:49:26.560 | All right, ladies, put a smile.

00:49:32.640 | Not lever, leader.

00:49:34.320 | You're going to put a smile on your husband's face, ladies.

00:49:39.880 | One more time.

00:49:41.820 | (audience murmuring)

00:49:44.900 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

Session 3 - God's Design For Wives

Chapters