Nicodemus Christopher on Living With Peace, Choosing Discipline, and Almost Fighting MPJ
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)
00:00:02.580 | - Welcome back to another episode of Curious Mike.
00:00:12.720 | Today I'm here with my guy, my right-hand man, Nick Ademus,
00:00:15.880 | my manager, my trainer, security, all that, all in one.
00:00:21.820 | So I'm excited to have you on Curious Mike,
00:00:24.920 | it's been a long time coming.
00:00:26.380 | Yeah, so for those of you that don't know,
00:00:29.840 | we met back in college when I went to Mizzou.
00:00:33.120 | He was my strength coach at the time.
00:00:35.300 | And we kind of developed a relationship over time there,
00:00:38.060 | but nothing to what it's like now.
00:00:40.480 | Kind of, what was your, from your perspective,
00:00:43.800 | how was it when I committed to Mizzou,
00:00:45.480 | when I came there and kind of walked through
00:00:47.580 | like what you remember from that time when I was in Mizzou?
00:00:50.560 | - Bro, that was a rollercoaster
00:00:53.680 | because that was our first year at Mizzou.
00:00:57.280 | We had just got there, obviously, with Coach Martin.
00:01:01.040 | There was a ton of excitement around the program.
00:01:03.940 | And then all of a sudden we signed Michael Porter Jr.
00:01:08.180 | We signed Jontay Porter.
00:01:10.260 | We get Blake Harris in addition to the guys
00:01:13.460 | that we already had.
00:01:15.120 | And automatically America was on notice.
00:01:18.460 | You know what I mean?
00:01:19.300 | It was like, oh my goodness,
00:01:20.640 | you have to watch out for Mizzou next season.
00:01:24.800 | And then I just remember we go through that whole summer
00:01:28.980 | and I was really surprised at the work and the effort
00:01:32.460 | and all that that you guys put in.
00:01:33.960 | Like, 'cause as young guys, you see freshmen who come in
00:01:36.800 | and some of them have a work ethic, some of them don't.
00:01:40.880 | But you in particular, like you were serious from day one,
00:01:44.840 | specifically in the weight room.
00:01:46.360 | It was like, what is it gonna take to get better?
00:01:48.400 | You did everything that was required.
00:01:50.440 | You didn't necessarily like the 6 a.m.s in the sand.
00:01:55.020 | - You did nothing like that.
00:01:56.660 | - But yeah, and then you get to the,
00:02:00.240 | everything's going well.
00:02:02.680 | And then I remember we get to that first game, right?
00:02:06.480 | And then it's just something was off.
00:02:09.820 | And I remember you saying that you couldn't go.
00:02:12.580 | And then we go through that whole situation, right?
00:02:15.460 | Where right before your first game of college basketball,
00:02:19.880 | due to the injury, you couldn't play.
00:02:22.100 | And then we have the ups and downs and ups and downs
00:02:25.980 | to trying to get you back out there on the court,
00:02:28.740 | trying to get you ready for really the next level
00:02:30.660 | at that point.
00:02:31.520 | And then you had that desire to come back.
00:02:34.360 | So you came back and played in the NCAA tournament game
00:02:37.140 | against Florida State, right?
00:02:38.520 | I think it's who we played against.
00:02:40.300 | Was it Georgia?
00:02:41.140 | - I came back against Georgia in the SEC tournament.
00:02:44.580 | - Florida State in the NCAA tournament.
00:02:47.260 | So there were a lot of ups and downs in between,
00:02:52.260 | but through that whole process,
00:02:55.500 | you and I formed a really good relationship
00:02:57.580 | and we stayed in contact and kept working together
00:03:01.180 | after you left to go to the NBA.
00:03:05.460 | And then, shoot, here we are now.
00:03:07.420 | - Yeah, so going back to that time,
00:03:12.140 | you being a young strength coach,
00:03:13.420 | you were like boys with a lot of the players, you know?
00:03:16.620 | What was, you tell me sometimes
00:03:19.260 | about how we would be going out,
00:03:21.700 | not you, but some of us would be going out,
00:03:23.480 | but you would have a fake Snapchat,
00:03:27.000 | acting like you was a girl in the ad of the players
00:03:32.000 | to see what we were on.
00:03:34.700 | Explain your motive behind that.
00:03:36.980 | - Yeah, so I mean, you just have to get,
00:03:41.980 | I had to get creative, right?
00:03:43.720 | Because I think part of my responsibility
00:03:47.340 | as the strength and conditioning coach at that time
00:03:50.080 | was just to make sure that you guys were putting yourselves
00:03:52.860 | in position to be successful,
00:03:55.300 | to be your eyes and ears for things
00:03:57.220 | that you might not know that could happen,
00:04:00.520 | that are happening out in the world,
00:04:02.680 | and just be as protective or as helpful as I can.
00:04:06.260 | And a part of that was understanding
00:04:08.820 | how you guys were moving around
00:04:10.220 | on the streets in the weekend.
00:04:11.420 | So whether it was having a burner account on Snap,
00:04:16.420 | or having a burner account on IG,
00:04:19.920 | or even, you know, there are times
00:04:21.880 | where befriending you all's significant others, right?
00:04:26.580 | And you're saying, "Coach Nick,
00:04:27.680 | I can't believe Michael would do this,
00:04:29.760 | or I can't believe Blake would do this,
00:04:31.780 | and this and that, and this and that."
00:04:33.560 | You know, it was by any means necessary
00:04:35.340 | just keeping an eye and an ear to the streets
00:04:38.200 | and figuring out how y'all were moving on the weekends
00:04:41.620 | and during the week.
00:04:42.720 | - Yeah, that's funny, that's hilarious to talk about.
00:04:46.700 | So yeah, you have a very,
00:04:48.060 | I'd say like a protective nature
00:04:51.100 | about your protective personality.
00:04:53.380 | One story in particular that I think is interesting
00:04:58.380 | is the story about your younger sister.
00:05:02.480 | And you told me one time about how your younger sister,
00:05:06.300 | she was, I think it was her roommate's boyfriend
00:05:08.780 | or something, and her roommate's boyfriend
00:05:12.060 | like disrespected your sister.
00:05:14.620 | And you said you and your brother
00:05:15.700 | flew all the way to, I think-
00:05:17.160 | - West Lafayette, Indiana.
00:05:18.780 | - Oh yeah, Indiana to check him.
00:05:20.720 | What was that story?
00:05:21.820 | What happened there?
00:05:22.940 | Have you always kind of had a protective nature?
00:05:24.980 | Was that just something you grew up with or what?
00:05:28.260 | - Yeah, I mean, early on, it comes from our father.
00:05:31.340 | I'm one of seven, I have an older brother,
00:05:35.340 | and then I have five sisters.
00:05:37.680 | And I mean, we came from very humble beginnings.
00:05:40.980 | My pops moved around in the streets.
00:05:43.900 | So he taught us some of those lessons
00:05:46.820 | and some of the things that were necessary for us
00:05:48.900 | to survive in the streets and to protect our sisters
00:05:52.340 | and protect our mom was the number one priority.
00:05:56.140 | Even from a young age, I can remember me and G, Gary,
00:05:59.620 | my older brother were very, very young.
00:06:01.980 | And my dad would always say, "When he's gone,
00:06:04.340 | my brother's the man of the house."
00:06:06.340 | And then it's my job to help my brother
00:06:08.180 | being the man of the house, protect my mom and my sisters.
00:06:10.780 | So from a young age, pops ingrained that in us
00:06:14.940 | over and over and over.
00:06:16.140 | So, I mean, when we didn't know what else to do,
00:06:18.980 | we knew that our responsibility was always to protect
00:06:21.700 | our mom and our sisters.
00:06:23.620 | And that was just an instance where my little sister,
00:06:26.740 | she was in college.
00:06:28.100 | And I remember getting that phone call.
00:06:31.100 | She called my brother and I, and she was crying.
00:06:33.620 | And then she started going off.
00:06:34.820 | My sister's very independent.
00:06:36.460 | So if she's to the point to where she's crying,
00:06:38.300 | you know something's going down.
00:06:40.740 | I guess she had a confrontation with a roommate's boyfriend.
00:06:44.500 | A roommate's boyfriend has some choice words.
00:06:47.780 | So my brother and I already knew what it was.
00:06:50.900 | - Nah, we needed some service.
00:06:52.060 | - Yeah, so I mean, it was essentially a situation
00:06:56.180 | where we hopped on a plane, went to West Lafayette.
00:06:59.820 | There was a confrontation.
00:07:02.420 | - Oh, with him directly?
00:07:03.660 | - Yeah.
00:07:04.500 | - Oh, really?
00:07:05.340 | - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:07:06.180 | And then post confrontation, all of his things were packed
00:07:08.980 | up in black trash bags and put on the street corner.
00:07:11.540 | And that was the last time they had communication with him.
00:07:15.020 | One of those types of situations.
00:07:17.140 | - I like it, I like it.
00:07:19.740 | Nah, I can't think of any times I've really had to,
00:07:23.220 | both my sisters are older, but I can't remember any times
00:07:26.180 | me and my brothers have had to,
00:07:28.340 | but we'd be on the same type of time for sure.
00:07:32.180 | - I'm switching gears a little bit.
00:07:33.340 | I wanna get into this book that you recently wrote.
00:07:38.340 | So you wrote a book.
00:07:39.940 | First of all, what was your motivation
00:07:41.300 | behind writing the book and what is it about?
00:07:44.360 | - Yeah, so it was, shoot, over the last 14, 15 years,
00:07:49.360 | working with collegiate athletes,
00:07:53.800 | working with professional athletes,
00:07:55.300 | working with businessmen and business women.
00:07:58.020 | You see people who reach this pinnacle of success
00:08:01.820 | of what we define as success, but behind the scenes,
00:08:05.340 | they still, for some reason, are never able to find peace.
00:08:09.640 | So like that concept just, I almost became obsessed with it.
00:08:14.640 | So I challenged myself.
00:08:16.540 | I was like, for the next year, every single day,
00:08:20.060 | I had to spend an hour a day studying peace
00:08:23.620 | to really figure out what it was, how do you find it?
00:08:27.500 | How do you help people achieve it?
00:08:29.660 | And then I ended up, it was over a year straight,
00:08:32.620 | over a year, 365 days straight,
00:08:34.860 | where I studied peace and it kept going.
00:08:37.420 | But through that study, I came to realize that order,
00:08:42.020 | the word order, order was a prerequisite to peace.
00:08:45.820 | So when people are able to find order in their lives,
00:08:50.060 | then that sets them up to have peace, right?
00:08:53.900 | And that word peace, if you look at it,
00:08:56.020 | if you look at the etymology of it,
00:08:57.540 | it's so rich in meaning.
00:08:59.860 | It means wholeness, it means health, it means prosperity,
00:09:03.380 | which means to move forward.
00:09:04.980 | It means protection, it means completion.
00:09:06.960 | So when you have order in your life,
00:09:09.520 | you set yourself up to have a healthier life,
00:09:12.300 | to have a more prosperous life, to have all these things.
00:09:15.380 | So it was just through my studies,
00:09:18.340 | through experience in life with guys like you
00:09:21.320 | and seeing the struggle to find peace
00:09:23.620 | and finding out that order was a prerequisite,
00:09:26.380 | I was like, yo, like this is something
00:09:28.740 | that I want to share with others,
00:09:30.840 | specifically people who are in your situation.
00:09:34.240 | So I knew from the beginning,
00:09:36.340 | it wasn't gonna be a traditional book,
00:09:39.140 | but I've been practicing journaling for over 10 years now.
00:09:44.140 | And then it clicked.
00:09:45.200 | It was like, well, I believe in the con,
00:09:48.060 | there's this concept called instinctive elaboration,
00:09:50.340 | where if you ask a questions,
00:09:52.180 | questions for even a quick second, hijack the brain,
00:09:55.580 | and you have an opportunity to be introspective
00:09:57.860 | and to just practice self-examination.
00:09:59.920 | So the way that I decided to do it
00:10:02.080 | is to ask a series of 17 very introspective questions
00:10:07.080 | to where you have to look yourself in the mirror.
00:10:09.680 | And the hope is that as you find your identity
00:10:13.980 | over the course of answering those seven questions
00:10:16.620 | and start to establish order in your life,
00:10:19.380 | then that's where you can really start to walk in the peace
00:10:22.140 | that we should all be walking in.
00:10:23.900 | - Right. - Yeah.
00:10:24.860 | - So peace, identity, all these words that you're using,
00:10:28.860 | I feel like are words that are super important
00:10:32.260 | to a person of faith, a person of God.
00:10:34.920 | I feel like people that kind of are in the world
00:10:36.860 | trying to do what the world's doing,
00:10:39.360 | their goals would be more happiness
00:10:42.100 | or their goals would be more pleasure,
00:10:44.240 | but you use the word peace.
00:10:46.340 | So how would you say peace differs from happiness?
00:10:50.580 | 'Cause you said you found
00:10:52.700 | that even some of the most successful people,
00:10:54.420 | they were lacking in peace,
00:10:55.900 | which is something I've seen too.
00:10:57.060 | Some of the most happiest people,
00:10:58.620 | most famous people, most rich people,
00:11:00.840 | peace is the thing that they're lacking,
00:11:02.780 | but it's also the thing that they don't know how to find.
00:11:06.000 | So how would you say peace differs from happiness?
00:11:10.060 | - Well, I would say that obviously happiness is an emotion.
00:11:14.200 | One of the words that pops in my mind
00:11:16.080 | that's synonymous with peace, if you look at the,
00:11:18.060 | like I said, the etymology of that word peace
00:11:19.900 | is fulfillment, right?
00:11:21.960 | You see people all the time who are quote unquote
00:11:24.180 | at this pinnacle of success,
00:11:26.500 | and then they're depressed or they're committing suicide
00:11:30.160 | or they're lacking fulfillment.
00:11:33.060 | That word peace to be complete, to be whole,
00:11:36.000 | fulfillment is something that eludes so many people.
00:11:41.000 | So whether you wanna think of it as the word peace
00:11:44.500 | or even wellness or fulfillment,
00:11:46.380 | I think all of us were placed on this earth
00:11:49.140 | to fulfill something.
00:11:51.340 | And that's why I use the word identity,
00:11:53.360 | because you have to know who you are
00:11:55.540 | and what your identity is and what you were placed here
00:11:58.020 | to do in order to fulfill that.
00:11:59.680 | So you can make a billion dollars,
00:12:02.780 | but not be doing the thing that you were created to do
00:12:06.220 | and you don't have fulfillment.
00:12:07.700 | You can be the best CEO, but at home,
00:12:11.040 | your life is in turmoil, right?
00:12:13.420 | Because you focus so much on the professional accolades
00:12:17.900 | that you forgot that you had a wife and kids at home.
00:12:23.340 | It's interesting you asked that question.
00:12:25.480 | I saw a quote the other day.
00:12:26.880 | It said that in 20 years from now,
00:12:30.660 | the only person or the only people that are gonna remember
00:12:34.820 | that you worked overtime are your kids.
00:12:37.840 | And that hit me differently, right?
00:12:39.480 | Because you see, I see it all the time.
00:12:41.560 | These people who grind, grind, grind, grind, grind,
00:12:44.200 | they work, work, work, and they find something.
00:12:47.760 | What I think they do is they reach an achievement.
00:12:50.520 | It's not success because success can't just be external.
00:12:53.960 | It can't just be money.
00:12:55.280 | There's two parts to success.
00:12:56.600 | There's the internal part and the external part.
00:12:59.040 | So yes, there's the joy and the happiness and all that,
00:13:02.120 | but you don't wanna have that and be broke.
00:13:03.640 | So I think that that's why I love the word fulfillment
00:13:06.400 | is because it's I'm having professional success,
00:13:09.080 | but I'm also having personal success, relational success,
00:13:12.580 | psychological success.
00:13:13.900 | So it's like the whole complete picture coming together.
00:13:16.600 | - From my experience, and I don't know what you think,
00:13:20.120 | peace is something that, like it talks in the Bible about,
00:13:24.400 | you know, it's something you search for,
00:13:26.120 | but then it's something that you work to keep.
00:13:28.420 | Like you work to maintain peace.
00:13:30.680 | So it's something that can come and go.
00:13:32.840 | What are the main ways, I mean, you talk about order,
00:13:35.680 | but what are the practical ways you think
00:13:38.500 | that you can maintain peace?
00:13:41.000 | Do you think it's the routine, it's the habits,
00:13:44.120 | or it's waking you up early?
00:13:46.240 | What do you think if you had to give a few practical ways
00:13:48.960 | where you can maintain peace,
00:13:50.080 | regardless of the ups and downs of life?
00:13:53.000 | - Number one, find your identity.
00:13:55.600 | I think that everything that is set apart
00:13:59.360 | or set aside for you is in your identity,
00:14:02.380 | because when you find out who you are,
00:14:05.260 | then you'll find out why you're here.
00:14:08.200 | And then that's where you start to prioritize your time
00:14:11.880 | and your effort towards that.
00:14:13.800 | All right, so I think identity is finding your identity
00:14:16.900 | is so important.
00:14:18.080 | I think we're suffering from an identity crisis
00:14:20.160 | in the world because everybody is putting on
00:14:22.820 | these false identities, especially guys like you.
00:14:26.300 | You have fans telling you,
00:14:29.000 | this is who you're supposed to be.
00:14:30.240 | You have friends telling you,
00:14:31.400 | this is who you're supposed to be.
00:14:32.520 | You have an organization telling you,
00:14:34.480 | this is who you're supposed to be.
00:14:35.580 | You have a family telling you,
00:14:37.560 | this is who you're supposed to be.
00:14:39.380 | But it's like, at what point do you actually find
00:14:41.840 | that identity?
00:14:42.680 | Me being a believer,
00:14:44.480 | I believe that we get our identity from God.
00:14:46.800 | I believe in this concept of original intent,
00:14:49.800 | where it's like, he originally intended for us
00:14:52.600 | to be something, to do something,
00:14:55.440 | to expand his kingdom on earth.
00:14:57.120 | So I think that everything starts
00:14:58.640 | with finding the right identity.
00:15:01.520 | I think the second thing is making sure
00:15:03.280 | that you have the right influences around you,
00:15:05.880 | because who you're with and who you're around
00:15:09.400 | will significantly impact the decisions you make.
00:15:12.820 | Interesting thing about that was watch,
00:15:15.160 | I had a conversation probably about a year ago
00:15:17.720 | with a guy by the name of Moran Cerf.
00:15:19.560 | He's a Dr. Moran Cerf.
00:15:20.840 | He's a world renowned neuroscientist.
00:15:23.080 | I was actually listening to the playback
00:15:25.220 | of our conversation this morning.
00:15:27.080 | And one of the things that he talked about,
00:15:29.000 | his big thing is human behavior
00:15:30.800 | and changing human behavior.
00:15:32.640 | And he said that one of the biggest things
00:15:34.220 | that you can do to impact human behavior
00:15:36.960 | is this concept of proximity, right?
00:15:39.800 | He said that the brain actually has the ability
00:15:42.200 | to learn through osmosis.
00:15:44.160 | So the example he gave me, he was like,
00:15:45.920 | if you wanna be a better comedian,
00:15:47.760 | you can go read a book about a thousand jokes,
00:15:50.120 | or you can go spend time with a comedian.
00:15:51.960 | And if you go spend time with a comedian,
00:15:53.720 | because you're in proximity to them,
00:15:55.840 | you'll learn how to be a comedian.
00:15:57.660 | So I think identity, I think influence,
00:16:00.460 | I think instructions are big.
00:16:03.940 | So instructions for me are just like those habits
00:16:07.120 | and those principles and those things
00:16:09.100 | that we live by that guide us.
00:16:11.260 | You know me, I'm big on habits, I'm big on discipline.
00:16:14.520 | So I think that making sure that you're following
00:16:17.420 | some type of principles
00:16:19.340 | and you're willing to stick to those principles,
00:16:22.180 | I think that those things lead to peace.
00:16:24.660 | And then there's a scripture in the Bible
00:16:26.780 | that also says wisdom's paths are peace.
00:16:30.620 | So when you practice wisdom, then that path leads to peace.
00:16:34.940 | So I think that it's important
00:16:36.820 | that you're following the right instructions
00:16:39.260 | and your principles and you're applying those principles.
00:16:42.300 | And when you apply them, you'll have peace.
00:16:45.060 | So identity, influence, and instructions.
00:16:50.060 | - Yeah, I mean, I think in my life
00:16:52.100 | when I've applied those things,
00:16:54.640 | sometimes better, sometimes worse,
00:16:57.200 | but when I'm doing them consistently,
00:16:58.820 | that's when I have most peace,
00:16:59.820 | regardless of the good games, the bad games.
00:17:03.140 | But like you said, I feel like our culture
00:17:05.460 | and a lot of young people, it's an identity crisis.
00:17:09.380 | I feel like even the people that are doing these things,
00:17:14.380 | maybe they are using Instagram
00:17:17.820 | and that's their whole job or whatever.
00:17:19.700 | I just feel like there's a lot of people
00:17:20.940 | that are doing things in life right now
00:17:22.500 | that don't align with their purpose.
00:17:24.680 | Like you said, you believe everyone was put on here
00:17:27.940 | for a purpose.
00:17:28.760 | So how do you think you find your purpose?
00:17:33.040 | For me, I mean, I've always been told like you evaluate
00:17:36.500 | kind of your skillset, what you're good at.
00:17:39.320 | And then at the end of the day, like if you're a believer,
00:17:41.880 | you believe that the main thing is to push the kingdom,
00:17:45.320 | draw more people to God, but how do you think?
00:17:47.760 | 'Cause I just know, man, there's a lot of young people.
00:17:49.920 | I got a lot of friends who, even me,
00:17:52.820 | I don't know if I didn't make it in basketball
00:17:54.460 | or like for some reason, if one of those injuries
00:17:57.440 | was career ending, like I don't know
00:17:59.480 | where I would have gone from there.
00:18:00.320 | I don't know how I would have used.
00:18:01.960 | 'Cause I always felt like my gift was basketball.
00:18:05.440 | So even talking to the people who felt,
00:18:08.560 | or they grew up doing one thing
00:18:10.600 | and then they didn't make it to where they wanted to.
00:18:12.480 | Now they're having to shift their whole life.
00:18:14.960 | Like how do you find your purpose?
00:18:17.280 | Because I just feel like, man,
00:18:18.160 | a lot of people are walking around here
00:18:20.080 | doing things they don't wanna do.
00:18:21.420 | They have jobs they don't wanna have.
00:18:23.320 | And I mean, that's a depressing thought.
00:18:25.720 | I'm glad basketball worked out for me,
00:18:27.440 | but it could have easily not.
00:18:28.880 | - So how do you find your, what's your place on earth for?
00:18:32.960 | - Yeah, you know, so that reminds me of a,
00:18:35.800 | I was watching an interview.
00:18:37.060 | This is probably some years ago.
00:18:39.260 | And it was Virgil Abloh, who before his passing,
00:18:44.240 | he was at one of the Ivy League schools
00:18:46.500 | and he was doing an interview.
00:18:48.600 | And somehow they got on the topic of purpose.
00:18:51.040 | And he had said it so clearly in a way that stuck with me.
00:18:54.280 | And he said, find your through line.
00:18:56.640 | So what essentially your through line is,
00:18:58.700 | is you look over the course of your life
00:19:01.080 | and there's this string of something
00:19:03.900 | that you just couldn't shake, right?
00:19:06.460 | And in looking at that through line, you'll find purpose.
00:19:10.240 | And the thing that I added to that,
00:19:11.960 | that I started to realize is,
00:19:14.480 | oftentimes we get mad at the frustrations that we have,
00:19:18.680 | but I think your unique frustrations
00:19:21.440 | are a clue as to what your purpose is.
00:19:23.880 | Like for me, for example, I can't,
00:19:25.880 | the thing that keeps me up at night
00:19:27.520 | is when I see need or when I see somebody
00:19:30.880 | who is suffering from some type of disorder or dysfunction
00:19:34.400 | or has chaos in their life.
00:19:35.760 | So I, from a young age, my mom will tell you,
00:19:38.560 | like I always had a heart for the homeless people
00:19:40.580 | or people who were dealing with some type of dysfunction.
00:19:42.920 | So over the whole course of my life,
00:19:45.500 | need has bothered me
00:19:47.120 | or disorder and dysfunction has bothered me.
00:19:49.240 | So I think you look at your unique frustrations,
00:19:52.280 | obviously your unique abilities.
00:19:54.080 | Like there's something that you can do
00:19:57.200 | that surpasses the average skill level, right?
00:20:01.280 | You have a unique ability to do something.
00:20:03.540 | I think there's, I heard a acronym before
00:20:07.400 | for finding your purpose, it's called SHAPE.
00:20:09.760 | So you look at your spiritual gifts, right?
00:20:12.520 | You look at your heart, the unique passions that you have.
00:20:15.920 | You look at your unique abilities and your attitudes.
00:20:20.400 | P stands for personality.
00:20:22.160 | I think that each of us have some unique aspects
00:20:25.060 | to our personality that make us who we are.
00:20:27.900 | If I'm giving an example for myself, very introverted,
00:20:32.100 | prefer to be behind the camera,
00:20:33.660 | behind the scenes and all that.
00:20:35.400 | Why is that important for my purpose?
00:20:38.100 | Is because it was my introvertedness that pushed me
00:20:41.960 | to be okay with, instead of moving around this way
00:20:46.500 | or that way, just be at the crib studying, right?
00:20:49.540 | And soaking in this information
00:20:51.400 | and learning how to apply this information
00:20:53.120 | so that I can help young guys like you.
00:20:56.340 | So I think that, and then E is experiences.
00:20:59.540 | So you look at the unique experiences
00:21:01.420 | that you've had over the course of your life.
00:21:03.460 | And if you look at all those, your personality,
00:21:05.580 | unique abilities, unique frustrations, unique experiences,
00:21:08.580 | and even educationally, the things
00:21:10.640 | that you just have a knack for doing.
00:21:12.880 | If you look at all those, those are all clues
00:21:14.740 | that point towards why you're here.
00:21:17.080 | And I think most importantly is,
00:21:19.260 | with regards to the identity crisis,
00:21:21.260 | is you have to connect to the right source.
00:21:24.000 | That's why, for me, my belief is so important
00:21:27.020 | because I can't get my identity from the outside world.
00:21:31.340 | I can't get my identity from social media.
00:21:33.240 | I can't get my identity from popular culture.
00:21:36.380 | I can't get my identity from anything else
00:21:38.860 | because it's a flawed identity.
00:21:41.400 | - 100%.
00:21:42.240 | So I think one thing that,
00:21:46.300 | this is just a random thing I came up with
00:21:48.500 | as we're talking about peace.
00:21:49.560 | One thing I always struggle with,
00:21:51.220 | with people who claim to be Christians,
00:21:54.020 | is I feel like Christians are sometimes
00:21:57.460 | some of the people that lack the most peace.
00:21:59.700 | And I look at other religious people around the world
00:22:02.500 | or some of these people practicing this new age spirituality
00:22:07.500 | or the people that, even sometimes atheists,
00:22:11.680 | and I look at them and I'm like,
00:22:12.520 | man, they're more, sometimes,
00:22:14.340 | appear to be more peaceful than Christians.
00:22:17.580 | And I think, correct me if I'm wrong,
00:22:20.520 | I think it might be because of the,
00:22:23.400 | when you do accept God and you accept Christ into your life,
00:22:27.500 | there will be a pull.
00:22:28.860 | It'll be the spirit versus the flesh.
00:22:31.060 | And you kinda gotta pick one.
00:22:33.060 | That's why it says if you're a lukewarm Christian,
00:22:36.480 | that's the most miserable place to be
00:22:37.800 | because you'll be lacking so much peace
00:22:40.260 | because you're getting pulled in two different directions.
00:22:42.660 | So I think in our world now today,
00:22:44.640 | I feel like part of the reason Christians in general
00:22:48.720 | lack so much peace is they're lukewarm.
00:22:51.760 | They never, they don't, and I'm talking to myself as well,
00:22:54.580 | they didn't go fully in committing to God and his ways
00:22:57.920 | and his principles and what the Bible says is right.
00:23:00.880 | But they also don't feel comfortable
00:23:03.180 | doing all the stuff the world says is okay.
00:23:05.440 | And so they lack so much peace.
00:23:07.920 | And I just feel like that's a place
00:23:11.480 | that a lot of people are in the world today.
00:23:14.800 | What is your perspective on Christian people lacking peace?
00:23:18.760 | Do you think it's 'cause of the lukewarmness
00:23:20.760 | or where do you think that comes from?
00:23:22.920 | - I think that reminds me of a quote my dad gave me.
00:23:27.440 | He told me, he told us early on,
00:23:29.360 | he said your religion will take you to hell.
00:23:32.160 | So he taught us early on that obviously we are Christians
00:23:36.840 | and that's our faith,
00:23:39.960 | but he told us the most important thing
00:23:42.280 | is your relationship with God.
00:23:44.660 | Because we know whether it's a physical relationship
00:23:47.480 | or whatever type of relationship we wanna apply it to,
00:23:50.960 | as you grow in that relationship
00:23:53.040 | and you start to become more intimate
00:23:55.200 | and you start to find new revelations
00:23:57.160 | of this and that and this and that,
00:23:58.720 | then there is a certain level of peace that comes with that.
00:24:02.860 | There's a certain level specifically
00:24:04.360 | with our relationship with God
00:24:05.540 | is as we start to submit to him and his plan and his purpose
00:24:09.360 | and actually spend time with him,
00:24:11.520 | then he starts to reveal certain things to us.
00:24:13.720 | I think when you start to talk about religion,
00:24:17.360 | religion is just, for some people it's just a habit.
00:24:20.260 | It's like I go to church, I sing a couple of worship songs,
00:24:23.440 | I pray before I eat,
00:24:25.360 | but there's no real execution on the principles.
00:24:28.400 | So it goes back to when I talked about
00:24:30.560 | following the right instructions, like it's okay.
00:24:33.040 | It's one thing to read the scripture
00:24:36.000 | and it's another thing to actually apply the principles
00:24:39.680 | that are in the scripture.
00:24:41.000 | And I think you and I have talked about this
00:24:42.680 | a million times, like sometimes,
00:24:44.240 | now that I'm in the position that I'm in
00:24:46.340 | and we'll be sitting in meetings
00:24:48.360 | and this and that and this and that.
00:24:49.780 | So I think sometimes I've seen businessmen
00:24:53.340 | and businesswoman CEOs who apply biblical principles
00:24:57.200 | better than Christians do.
00:24:58.920 | - Right. - Right?
00:24:59.820 | It's the application of the principle.
00:25:02.260 | So it's one thing to go to church
00:25:04.960 | and it's one thing to receive the gift of salvation,
00:25:08.620 | but there's a whole nother thing
00:25:09.840 | about walking this thing out daily
00:25:12.080 | and applying the principles.
00:25:14.280 | Because principles are important.
00:25:15.680 | There's a, the way that Dr. Miles Monroe,
00:25:18.760 | I'll never forget it.
00:25:19.600 | He said, "Every principle has an if-then clause."
00:25:22.400 | So if I do this, then this happens.
00:25:25.320 | The business world applies those principles
00:25:27.500 | because they know if, for example,
00:25:30.140 | if I keep my balance sheet in order, then X, Y, Z happens.
00:25:35.140 | But in Christianity,
00:25:37.540 | we don't necessarily follow those principles
00:25:40.460 | or execute on them.
00:25:42.140 | - I agree.
00:25:43.020 | Talk a little bit about a morning routine
00:25:45.820 | on the more practical side again,
00:25:47.220 | because I feel like as important as all these topics are,
00:25:50.620 | like sometimes people that are super busy
00:25:53.780 | or make themselves too busy,
00:25:55.500 | it's very hard to get to the place
00:25:57.300 | where you're applying the things
00:25:59.580 | that you need to in order to live the life you want to live.
00:26:03.300 | Like there is a practical side of,
00:26:05.260 | I need to spend time in the Word.
00:26:07.020 | I need to fill myself up.
00:26:08.660 | I need to have this time to journal.
00:26:10.780 | So I think personally, from my experience,
00:26:13.460 | the morning time is so good.
00:26:15.520 | I heard a quote one time,
00:26:17.740 | "You don't tune the instrument after the concert.
00:26:20.340 | You tune it before."
00:26:21.580 | So, you know, that's first thing in the morning.
00:26:24.020 | You make sure you're in the right head space
00:26:25.860 | to go be the person you want to be,
00:26:27.580 | go make the decisions you want to make.
00:26:30.500 | And I know you're big on a morning routine.
00:26:32.140 | So just for the people that are listening,
00:26:33.500 | that they want to change their life
00:26:36.260 | and they want to be more disciplined and install new habits.
00:26:39.180 | How important is a morning routine
00:26:40.440 | and kind of walk through yours?
00:26:41.700 | - Yeah, for me, it's extremely important
00:26:44.720 | because I heard a quote before.
00:26:46.500 | You can't be serious about life
00:26:48.380 | and serious about purpose and practice apathy
00:26:51.980 | in most areas of your life.
00:26:53.780 | So in order to be serious about life
00:26:55.860 | and actively transform your life and change your life,
00:27:00.180 | it requires intentionality.
00:27:02.020 | You have to be intentional in every area of your life.
00:27:05.640 | So what that looks like for me
00:27:07.560 | is I just made a decision early on.
00:27:10.140 | I can't just let the day happen to me.
00:27:12.780 | And the way that I put it is I have to create the day.
00:27:15.660 | Like that's my goal every single day is to create the day.
00:27:18.700 | Don't let the day happen to me.
00:27:20.980 | And what that looks like,
00:27:22.180 | what that looks like is taking control of my day.
00:27:24.700 | So it might look like waking up at 5 a.m., right?
00:27:27.860 | So like I joke about it all the time,
00:27:29.880 | but I know you're gonna wake,
00:27:31.780 | you usually wake up around 8, 8.30.
00:27:34.500 | My Nicodemus, Nicodemus usually wakes up about 7, 7.30.
00:27:39.100 | So I know I need to get everything done before then
00:27:43.780 | so that I can be completely available for Nicodemus,
00:27:46.700 | be completely available for you
00:27:48.220 | and completely available for any other thing
00:27:50.540 | that I need to take care of that day.
00:27:52.600 | So that requires me to wake up first thing
00:27:54.660 | in the morning.
00:27:55.540 | What I do is now I go get in a cold plunge.
00:27:58.560 | So first things first,
00:28:00.100 | wake up, go straight to the cold plunge, three minutes, right?
00:28:03.120 | That's gonna do a million different things,
00:28:05.980 | but the biggest thing for me strengthens my immune system,
00:28:08.820 | helps with mental clarity first thing in the morning,
00:28:11.200 | resets my circadian rhythm,
00:28:13.100 | so that I get better sleep at night.
00:28:14.740 | So I start there, it wakes me up,
00:28:17.520 | and then I'll do red light therapy for about 10 minutes.
00:28:20.940 | But I'm big on stacking habits
00:28:22.960 | because there's a million habits that you can practice.
00:28:25.620 | But for me, it's like, which ones can I stack?
00:28:27.860 | So while I'm doing 10 minutes of red light therapy,
00:28:30.400 | I'll either play worship music and worship,
00:28:33.780 | or that's my 10 minutes of uninterrupted prayer.
00:28:36.960 | Because I think in order for me to maintain my identity,
00:28:41.020 | I have to connect to my source, right?
00:28:43.300 | So just like we wouldn't go on a road trip
00:28:45.600 | and leave our charger at home,
00:28:47.780 | I have to get charged up first thing every morning.
00:28:50.420 | You and I have talked about that from a discipline standpoint.
00:28:53.360 | Sometimes you ask me, how do you stay so disciplined
00:28:57.320 | and not do this and not do that?
00:28:58.720 | And I tell you, I'm just like everybody else.
00:29:00.640 | I just make sure that I connect to the source
00:29:02.800 | first thing in the morning
00:29:03.880 | so that I have the right perspective
00:29:05.760 | and I know I need to get connected to the source.
00:29:08.120 | So it's one day to the next.
00:29:10.640 | So cold plunge, red light therapy with prayer and worship,
00:29:15.420 | and then start knocking off stuff off my to-do list.
00:29:17.840 | And then once Nicodemus wakes up,
00:29:20.080 | then that's usually like from seven to,
00:29:23.620 | I drop him off at daycare around 8.30.
00:29:26.380 | That is my, I'm completely for the most part unavailable.
00:29:30.620 | Like that's his time.
00:29:32.180 | So we'll make breakfast together.
00:29:34.780 | We'll sit, like he knows already.
00:29:37.120 | He'll, we'll watch worship.
00:29:39.260 | So we'll listen to one worship song
00:29:41.340 | and then we'll do one educational activity.
00:29:43.440 | Like for him right now, he's learning Spanish.
00:29:45.420 | So we'll watch like 30 minutes of Spanish while he's eating,
00:29:48.720 | but we'll make breakfast together.
00:29:50.440 | And then after that, throughout the day,
00:29:53.420 | I set aside time for working out
00:29:55.320 | and professional development and all that.
00:29:57.000 | But that morning routine of getting the cold,
00:30:00.000 | red light therapy, prayer and worship,
00:30:03.120 | and then sunlight exposure.
00:30:04.960 | So then I walk out before he wakes up,
00:30:07.520 | if the sun is out, 10 minutes in the sun,
00:30:10.240 | and that's my time of gratitude.
00:30:11.980 | So I've knocked out mind, body and spirit together.
00:30:16.300 | And it takes about 30 to 45 minutes.
00:30:18.940 | And that's how I start my day.
00:30:20.820 | - That's amazing.
00:30:21.740 | I like what you said about connecting to the power source
00:30:24.520 | as well, because it's such a biblical principle
00:30:27.380 | of God gives you enough, like for the day.
00:30:30.500 | Like you can do that routine for a year straight.
00:30:34.460 | And then if you took three or four days off,
00:30:36.640 | you wouldn't feel right.
00:30:37.820 | Because, or like even talking about like getting in the word
00:30:41.420 | or your prayer time, you can pray for three days in a row,
00:30:44.340 | but that's not going to last you for that fourth day.
00:30:46.320 | It's like a daily, in the Bible, you know,
00:30:49.320 | God gave them enough manna for one day
00:30:51.680 | and then it would go rotten.
00:30:52.660 | They would have to go recollect it the next day.
00:30:55.260 | I forget which guy it was,
00:30:57.300 | but he would go into prayer three times a day
00:31:00.480 | to reconnect, to refill himself up.
00:31:02.020 | So it's not like, it's a daily walk and it's a daily habit.
00:31:05.300 | And sometimes for me, and I think a lot of other people,
00:31:07.500 | it's like, you know, you might be doing so good
00:31:10.660 | in how you want to be and what you want to do
00:31:12.800 | for a week straight,
00:31:13.880 | but it's like a cycle.
00:31:14.760 | You go through these ups and downs of you do good,
00:31:16.960 | then you don't do good.
00:31:18.040 | Then you crawl out of it and you do good,
00:31:20.080 | then you don't do good.
00:31:20.920 | And I think that's, that's that chaos in your life.
00:31:23.020 | If you can create the, like the order,
00:31:26.220 | then you'll see like the consistency
00:31:28.420 | and who you want to be.
00:31:31.000 | And I just think that I've seen it so much in my life
00:31:33.860 | because I hate the cycle.
00:31:35.280 | Cause I feel like a lot of people feel helpless
00:31:38.020 | when they're doing good
00:31:39.740 | or they're being who they want to be for a couple of weeks.
00:31:41.380 | And then man, they have a bad three or four days
00:31:43.500 | and then they start binging on something for a few days
00:31:45.740 | and they crawl out of it.
00:31:46.940 | You know what I mean?
00:31:47.780 | That's like the worst place to be in.
00:31:48.740 | - It's hard.
00:31:49.580 | The, the, another, another part of that word order
00:31:54.000 | from the etymology of it is prioritization.
00:31:56.940 | And that's why I do that.
00:31:58.660 | It's I do the first things first.
00:32:00.580 | Journaling is a part of my morning routine,
00:32:02.700 | obviously as well.
00:32:04.380 | And I know you're big on journaling,
00:32:06.240 | but it's like, I have to do the first things first.
00:32:08.700 | I have to set something as a priority
00:32:10.820 | and then everything else falls in line.
00:32:12.700 | So for me, like I said, it's connecting to God,
00:32:15.420 | it's spending time in worship,
00:32:16.660 | it's spending time with Nicodemus,
00:32:18.540 | it's spending time making sure that I'm taking care
00:32:21.100 | of myself so that I can provide the best,
00:32:23.980 | whatever it is to the world.
00:32:26.180 | And then along the lines of what you say,
00:32:28.300 | what you said, like from a biblical perspective,
00:32:31.340 | one of the most profound things I have had ever seen
00:32:34.060 | in the scripture is that like when Jesus started
00:32:37.320 | his ministry, we see the story of him being baptized
00:32:41.220 | by John the Baptist, and that represents him
00:32:44.100 | beginning his ministry.
00:32:45.660 | And then that story goes, there's a dove that comes down
00:32:49.380 | from heaven and God says, this is my son
00:32:52.120 | in whom I'm well pleased.
00:32:53.780 | So that stuck with me because I realized that before Jesus
00:32:57.380 | took the steps to walk in his ministry,
00:32:59.980 | he received affirmation from the father.
00:33:03.140 | And I just took that for me that if I receive affirmation
00:33:07.220 | from God, I never have to function for affirmation
00:33:10.880 | from others, period.
00:33:12.580 | So it's either we're functioning from a place of affirmation
00:33:16.340 | or you're functioning for affirmation.
00:33:18.940 | And that's super hard for y'all.
00:33:21.260 | - Which is our whole life.
00:33:23.540 | - Everything.
00:33:24.380 | - Our whole life because you just have so much criticism,
00:33:26.700 | you have so much, you know, nitpicking on how you played.
00:33:30.100 | - All of it.
00:33:30.940 | - But everything, I mean, if you're on social media,
00:33:33.220 | if you're posting pictures, what is that really for?
00:33:35.380 | That's usually for affirmation.
00:33:37.120 | - For sure.
00:33:37.960 | - I've seen 99% of people or maybe probably higher
00:33:41.580 | live from a place of affirmation.
00:33:43.140 | That's such an unstable place because it's like, man,
00:33:45.420 | you're at the mercy of other people.
00:33:47.420 | If you're an athlete, it's the worst.
00:33:48.900 | You got these young dudes, one of my good friends,
00:33:52.860 | retiring at such a young age because they feel
00:33:56.360 | that pressure and they feel that anxiety
00:33:58.600 | because they're getting their worth.
00:34:00.220 | And I feel like that only comes because they're trying,
00:34:03.220 | they're playing for affirmation.
00:34:05.340 | They're getting their worth from basketball.
00:34:06.940 | I mean, every athlete struggles with it
00:34:08.380 | 'cause it's such high stakes.
00:34:09.760 | It feels like the world's on your shoulders sometimes.
00:34:12.180 | You know, so many people watch the games,
00:34:14.740 | but yeah, for guys in our position,
00:34:16.840 | that would be a game changer.
00:34:18.960 | And then it lets you play more free, you know.
00:34:21.020 | It lets you, you know, you're not playing
00:34:22.740 | to get the applause from the fans,
00:34:24.280 | to get the people commenting on your pictures
00:34:26.720 | after your game on Instagram.
00:34:28.580 | You're just hooping 'cause you want to hoop
00:34:30.140 | and you know that's a gift God gave you.
00:34:31.820 | And that frees you up to then play better, you know what I mean?
00:34:34.260 | And it gives you a focus for your performance, right?
00:34:38.480 | So it's like, I'm not performing for your applause.
00:34:41.920 | I'm not performing for your cheers
00:34:45.240 | 'cause I've already been affirmed from the Father.
00:34:47.820 | And the way that that looks like,
00:34:49.100 | I always try to take biblical principles
00:34:50.860 | and make it practical.
00:34:51.820 | The way that I practice it with Nicodemus,
00:34:54.180 | he's only three years old.
00:34:55.920 | And before, like every day we'll do one activity
00:34:59.180 | when he gets home.
00:35:00.000 | Right now, it's basketball or soccer.
00:35:02.220 | So before we even start the activity,
00:35:04.900 | I tell him I love him and I'm proud of you.
00:35:06.680 | I was like, you know, Dad loves you.
00:35:07.980 | You know, I'm proud of you, right?
00:35:09.880 | So I never, so he never has to come to me
00:35:12.100 | and ask me if I'm proud of him
00:35:14.660 | because of how well he played.
00:35:16.600 | So I always, and I told myself,
00:35:18.240 | like I have this list in my phone
00:35:20.140 | of things that I have to do.
00:35:22.140 | And that's one of the things.
00:35:23.340 | I always affirm him before the activity,
00:35:26.500 | even if it's a learning activity,
00:35:28.140 | 'cause he's at the age now where he's like,
00:35:30.060 | "Dad, Dad, are you proud of me?"
00:35:31.700 | And I'll remind him.
00:35:32.580 | I said, "Son, I was proud of you before we even started.
00:35:35.160 | "Remember, Dad, I told you he loved you.
00:35:36.760 | "I told you I was proud of you.
00:35:37.760 | "So now, 'cause he's three and he's already,
00:35:40.160 | "are you proud of me?
00:35:41.220 | "Dad, Dad, give me a high five.
00:35:43.140 | "I told you that before we started.
00:35:44.700 | "So you don't ever have to perform for that
00:35:46.640 | "'cause you've already been affirmed before."
00:35:49.380 | - Right, that's cool.
00:35:52.160 | One thing I wanna touch on
00:35:53.160 | that I think is really unique about you
00:35:54.580 | is because you are, and one of the reasons
00:35:57.980 | that I wanted you in my life
00:36:00.020 | is because I felt like I always kind of lacked,
00:36:02.300 | and I'm disciplined in certain areas.
00:36:04.420 | I'm disciplined in the weight room and on the court,
00:36:06.120 | things like that, but I'm undisciplined
00:36:07.740 | and I'm very unintentional in other areas,
00:36:09.580 | and I saw that in you.
00:36:10.860 | So you've been like this for a long time,
00:36:14.280 | one of the most disciplined people, very habit-oriented.
00:36:18.460 | You have never had a sip of alcohol
00:36:21.620 | and you've never smoked or any of that in your life.
00:36:24.820 | Where did that come from and how do you keep that up?
00:36:27.820 | I think you even said you've never even seen pornography
00:36:30.660 | before, like how did, yeah, how is that possible?
00:36:35.660 | - Well, younger years, it was a promise
00:36:40.620 | that I made to my mom, right?
00:36:42.580 | And then you get older, you get past the adolescence
00:36:46.140 | and you have a decision on your own.
00:36:48.140 | - But talk about, I mean, you were in a frat.
00:36:50.620 | They have the initiation and stuff like that.
00:36:52.520 | How did you stay strong in all of these convictions
00:36:55.400 | that you had and yeah?
00:36:57.220 | - Bro, it's crazy that I don't, I don't know.
00:37:02.100 | I think it's always been, from a young age,
00:37:06.980 | my never wanting to disappoint God and my parents.
00:37:13.360 | And you know me now, like that might be
00:37:17.260 | one of my greatest weaknesses
00:37:18.740 | is I don't like disappointing people, right?
00:37:22.540 | So it's like you'll sacrifice everything for others
00:37:26.740 | just so that you don't disappoint them.
00:37:29.220 | And then sometimes you can end up losing yourself.
00:37:31.220 | That's a whole nother story, but it was,
00:37:34.200 | I never wanted to disappoint my parents.
00:37:36.580 | I never wanted to disappoint God.
00:37:39.560 | I remembered how hard life was early on
00:37:45.460 | and I never wanted to go back to that.
00:37:49.020 | And I just associated things like drinking, smoking,
00:37:54.800 | getting caught up in this and that and this and that
00:37:57.100 | as not leading me in the right direction, right?
00:38:01.600 | Because for me, I think discipline is simply like
00:38:05.000 | knowing what to say yes to and what to say no to.
00:38:08.620 | So I always, I just made a decision early on.
00:38:11.360 | Like I was gonna say yes to, like I knew that
00:38:14.620 | I was created to do something special.
00:38:16.740 | I didn't know what it was, but I'd always asked myself,
00:38:19.420 | like, is this gonna get me closer to whatever it is
00:38:21.760 | that I'm supposed to do?
00:38:23.020 | Or is it gonna get me further away?
00:38:25.640 | It wasn't hard being in a fraternity,
00:38:27.460 | being a part of Phi Beta Sigma
00:38:29.060 | on the campus of Baylor University.
00:38:31.820 | Like it wasn't, it's not easy, but I did it.
00:38:35.640 | I was fortunate though,
00:38:37.260 | and that my closest circle of friends to this day,
00:38:41.640 | Curtis Oparra and Nathaniel Higgins, my brother Gary,
00:38:45.880 | for a little while, I had some very, very close friends
00:38:48.500 | who they all accepted me for who I was though too.
00:38:52.520 | They were always like, Nicodemus doesn't do that.
00:38:55.480 | That's not what he does.
00:38:56.320 | And they let me be me.
00:38:57.740 | I think I told you that.
00:38:58.640 | And I realized early on how important
00:39:01.820 | having the right people in your ecosystem is
00:39:04.120 | because they never, it was easy because obviously
00:39:07.180 | my brother knew what I was all about
00:39:08.860 | and we went to Baylor together.
00:39:10.100 | So he was right there.
00:39:11.680 | But then when you have friends and they also know
00:39:15.320 | that's not what Nicodemus is about.
00:39:17.240 | 'Cause I said it, I made it known early on
00:39:19.380 | and they never, I didn't really have to deal
00:39:20.960 | with that peer pressure from them
00:39:22.740 | 'cause they knew what it was.
00:39:24.140 | So my friends helped me stay consistent
00:39:27.100 | because I wasn't getting that 24/7 pressure from them.
00:39:31.360 | It was a little bit easier then I think
00:39:32.780 | when I was in college is when Facebook
00:39:34.360 | really started getting popping.
00:39:36.740 | So I didn't have like the pressure to be cool on social
00:39:40.820 | and to socially do this and that and this and that.
00:39:43.300 | But I just, I knew early on,
00:39:45.400 | my mom tells me this story all the time.
00:39:47.220 | I like four years old,
00:39:48.620 | I would stand on the table in a restaurant
00:39:51.100 | and my name is Nicodemus,
00:39:52.980 | which is the story of Nicodemus going to Jesus by night
00:39:56.740 | and Jesus saying, you must be born again.
00:39:58.780 | So I would stand on the table and be like,
00:40:00.480 | you must be born again, right?
00:40:02.500 | This is before I even know.
00:40:03.780 | So I just, I knew that there was a calling on my life early
00:40:06.820 | and I just tried to do everything that I could.
00:40:09.820 | You and I have talked about it.
00:40:10.840 | I made a million mistakes.
00:40:12.980 | There's a million other mistakes that you can make
00:40:15.260 | other than smoking and drinking and watching pornography.
00:40:18.440 | Those are just the three
00:40:19.520 | that I've had the mental fortitude not to do.
00:40:22.960 | - And now you're married, you know,
00:40:26.660 | you got the, you got a little Nicodemus
00:40:28.960 | and I've seen it, we'll be out, you know,
00:40:33.860 | and there's sometimes girls around and things like that
00:40:36.620 | and they'll approach you, they'll come up to you
00:40:38.220 | and are you single?
00:40:39.740 | My friend really likes you, things like that.
00:40:41.420 | And not even just athletes, but the majority of men
00:40:46.400 | when they have like, you know, pretty girls approach him
00:40:49.300 | and things like that, it is very hard,
00:40:50.700 | especially, you know, you're on the road,
00:40:52.260 | got your own hotel room, you know,
00:40:54.140 | you could do something and nobody knows about it.
00:40:56.980 | Like, I know that's something that in my profession
00:41:00.180 | and just in my realm of,
00:41:01.980 | that's something that people struggle with.
00:41:03.500 | You know, I really respect a dude who gets married
00:41:06.980 | and then he can, he stays faithful
00:41:09.180 | because for me, I'm not getting married
00:41:10.560 | until I've developed the discipline to know for a fact
00:41:14.180 | I could be faithful to one woman for the rest of my life.
00:41:15.940 | But you, I've seen it over and over,
00:41:18.640 | you kind of like have a firm, like barrier, like, no,
00:41:22.360 | I'm like, and you're cool with a lot of these girls.
00:41:24.500 | Like you're friends with females and things like that,
00:41:28.220 | but it never crosses a certain line.
00:41:30.020 | Is that discipline that you have to develop
00:41:33.900 | or is it just something you've always had?
00:41:36.540 | Or is it like a daily, is it like a daily day?
00:41:38.980 | - It's getting connected to that source
00:41:40.800 | first thing in the morning.
00:41:41.820 | 'Cause when we talk about discipline, I'll tell you,
00:41:43.900 | like, I have to stay connected to God
00:41:46.020 | 'cause apart from him, shoot,
00:41:48.320 | there's nothing under the sun that I wouldn't do 100%.
00:41:52.460 | Like most people that put up this fake facade,
00:41:54.980 | I'm just like everybody else.
00:41:57.080 | The only thing that keeps me set apart
00:41:59.380 | is the fact that I connect to God on a daily basis
00:42:02.860 | and get a vision for my life
00:42:04.820 | and just say yes to what leads me to that vision
00:42:08.060 | and no to what takes me away from that vision.
00:42:10.700 | And then you've heard me talk about Dr. Miles Monroe.
00:42:13.540 | I think I quoted him earlier.
00:42:14.780 | He said something that stuck with me that I heard years ago.
00:42:18.060 | He said, "Make sure that your private life
00:42:21.260 | "is safe enough for public consumption."
00:42:23.580 | - 100%.
00:42:24.420 | - And you look at some of the greatest athletes
00:42:26.420 | in the world, you look at some of the greatest CEOs
00:42:28.460 | in the world, you look at some of the greatest politicians
00:42:30.620 | in the world, at some point,
00:42:33.360 | what happened in the dark came to light.
00:42:35.140 | - Is that the dude that you gave me his book,
00:42:36.660 | the character? - The book, yeah.
00:42:37.500 | "Kingdom Principles," yeah.
00:42:38.900 | - Well, there was one, there was a book,
00:42:40.420 | I think you might have given me--
00:42:41.240 | - About character. - Character.
00:42:42.080 | - Power and character of leadership.
00:42:43.840 | - Yeah, is that right? - Yeah, he wrote that book
00:42:45.100 | as well, yeah.
00:42:45.940 | - Because I was reading that book and it was so true
00:42:48.240 | that it doesn't matter how big you get,
00:42:51.400 | how much money you have, how much influence you have,
00:42:54.200 | you can lose so much credibility,
00:42:56.420 | you can lose all these things in a moment of weakness.
00:42:59.040 | And I know for a lot of dudes,
00:43:01.360 | for a lot of dudes, it's the lust thing.
00:43:03.880 | They got a wife, but they may slip up here or here.
00:43:07.140 | And it's just, it's such a hard thing to keep intact.
00:43:11.160 | And I joke around a lot about,
00:43:14.720 | maybe we weren't supposed to be monogamous,
00:43:17.720 | maybe back in the day when these dudes had
00:43:20.680 | all these wives and all these concubines,
00:43:22.760 | it really is against our biology to be with one woman
00:43:27.760 | like the rest of our life.
00:43:29.840 | That takes a certain amount of discipline.
00:43:33.040 | It really doesn't.
00:43:33.880 | I see it from you and I've seen it from my dad,
00:43:35.580 | so I know it's possible, but a lot of guys,
00:43:38.660 | they never get that discipline.
00:43:39.980 | And I just think, in this day and age,
00:43:42.040 | marriage is not really a coveted thing anymore.
00:43:44.520 | It's like people don't really want that.
00:43:46.940 | And it's cool to see.
00:43:49.960 | - It's not easy, though, bro.
00:43:52.480 | It's difficult.
00:43:54.060 | But like I said, you have to stay connected to the source
00:43:57.740 | and you have to have something that's greater than that.
00:43:59.960 | Because if you think about it,
00:44:01.240 | you sleep with one woman while you're married,
00:44:03.260 | what's gonna stop you from sleeping with the next woman?
00:44:06.360 | Then you start a pattern.
00:44:08.160 | And those patterns start to predict
00:44:10.420 | where you're gonna go in the future.
00:44:11.900 | So then that's gonna be what your future looks like.
00:44:14.540 | So instead of even starting that pattern,
00:44:17.020 | and for me, I know I have addictive behaviors.
00:44:19.540 | That's the other reason why I don't smoke
00:44:21.820 | and I didn't drink and didn't watch pornography
00:44:24.180 | and don't cheat on my wife,
00:44:25.820 | is 'cause I know I have addictive behaviors.
00:44:28.020 | Naturally, our inclination is to satisfy our flesh
00:44:33.400 | by whatever means, and I will become addicted
00:44:36.420 | to whatever pattern I start.
00:44:38.200 | So I just err on the side
00:44:40.080 | of not starting those patterns whatsoever.
00:44:42.420 | And then the other thing is now,
00:44:44.420 | is like I couldn't even imagine having that conversation
00:44:48.500 | with Nicodemus II ever.
00:44:51.660 | Like there's nothing that I don't even know
00:44:53.480 | how I would approach having to go to him and say,
00:44:56.980 | "Well, I cheated on your mom.
00:44:59.040 | "This is why duh, duh, duh, duh."
00:45:00.680 | Like I couldn't even bring myself
00:45:02.740 | to have that conversation with him.
00:45:03.960 | So that's a part of it now, too.
00:45:05.920 | - 100%.
00:45:06.760 | Do you think you just have to find a girl
00:45:10.020 | who would work for that specific marriage?
00:45:12.960 | 'Cause for me, I know with my career and what I'm doing,
00:45:15.460 | I need a girl who's gonna hold it down at the crib,
00:45:17.540 | who when I do wanna have children, she's there for them,
00:45:21.100 | and I'll go out and provide financially and she can,
00:45:24.980 | I guess that's more traditional
00:45:26.120 | and I feel like that's just kinda being lost.
00:45:28.580 | What is your thoughts on that?
00:45:29.740 | - It comes down to managing expectations.
00:45:32.880 | And that's one of the things where for you,
00:45:36.920 | that's one of the things that you've taught me
00:45:38.760 | quite a few things, but bro,
00:45:40.020 | one of the biggest things that you've taught me
00:45:42.200 | is the ability to be unapologetically 100% authentic.
00:45:47.200 | So anybody who enters a relationship with you,
00:45:53.140 | especially a relationship that's going to end in marriage,
00:45:56.780 | you will have at some point communicated your beliefs
00:46:02.480 | and your expectations for that marriage.
00:46:04.180 | - Doesn't make me either roll with it or not.
00:46:05.440 | - Hands down, right?
00:46:06.960 | Like you are unapologetically, you're you
00:46:11.380 | and you're very strong in what you believe,
00:46:13.560 | you're gonna say it and it's like, this is who I am.
00:46:16.420 | Like this is the type of woman I want to raise my kids.
00:46:19.660 | That's not you, then it's not you, straight up.
00:46:22.400 | That's healthy though, that's healthy.
00:46:24.460 | And I think a lot of marriages and a lot of relationships
00:46:27.140 | fail because you don't manage those expectations.
00:46:31.000 | Like you've taught me that and you've helped me.
00:46:33.620 | This is what I expect.
00:46:34.980 | This is what my expectations are for marriage.
00:46:37.780 | This is expectations for our morals and values.
00:46:40.880 | This is where we believe.
00:46:42.020 | Where do you stand on that?
00:46:43.040 | How do you stand on that?
00:46:44.100 | It literally comes down to managing expectations
00:46:46.740 | because there might be somebody else who sits here
00:46:49.180 | and it's like, my wife can do X, Y, Z
00:46:53.160 | and I'll just sit back and you know what I mean?
00:46:56.140 | 'Cause there's guys who believe completely opposite
00:46:58.300 | of what you believe and they're gonna go get married.
00:47:00.780 | And they're gonna marry the woman
00:47:02.780 | that you don't want to marry
00:47:04.160 | but they've managed those expectations.
00:47:06.380 | You can't wait till you're married
00:47:07.780 | to have those conversations either.
00:47:09.700 | That's the one thing I appreciate about you.
00:47:11.660 | Like you might go on a date.
00:47:13.160 | You might have those first night over pasta.
00:47:16.760 | You might air it out night number one.
00:47:21.920 | Bro, we've been at business dinners.
00:47:24.620 | We've been at every type of dinner, any type of event.
00:47:27.720 | And I've seen you air it out to people that were just meeting
00:47:31.880 | at the table.
00:47:33.400 | But that's, I mean, the manager side of me sometimes
00:47:37.680 | is like, well, this business deal is over.
00:47:40.200 | But you being my brother and my friend,
00:47:44.160 | I respect that so much because it's like,
00:47:47.140 | you set the expectation and that's who you are.
00:47:51.340 | You know what I mean?
00:47:52.180 | So if you don't do that in a marriage,
00:47:53.020 | it's gonna fail straight up.
00:47:54.460 | You don't get five years down the line
00:47:56.220 | and then something pops up and you've already said I do.
00:47:58.640 | And now you're trying to figure it out.
00:47:59.860 | And you definitely can't wait till you have kids
00:48:02.660 | because then you're trying to mold this human being.
00:48:06.140 | And if you're trying to mold this human being
00:48:07.780 | into two separate types of values and core beliefs,
00:48:12.780 | that's when it gets difficult.
00:48:14.480 | - I agree.
00:48:15.320 | Sierra, have you and Christian had this conversation?
00:48:17.860 | - We're doing this book right now,
00:48:19.120 | "101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged"
00:48:21.560 | and it talks about a lot of things.
00:48:23.040 | - Are you gonna be okay with taking his last name
00:48:24.980 | or is he gonna have to tell you?
00:48:26.300 | - Yeah, I don't have a problem with you.
00:48:27.940 | (laughing)
00:48:29.800 | - All right, good.
00:48:31.140 | All right, my last question for you, bro,
00:48:32.700 | is we've talked about peace.
00:48:35.660 | We've talked about identity.
00:48:36.620 | We've talked about purpose and all these things.
00:48:39.040 | For you specifically,
00:48:40.460 | what do you believe to be your purpose on this earth?
00:48:44.300 | Do you believe like you're feeling it as we speak
00:48:46.300 | and kind of what are your goals?
00:48:48.140 | - Yeah, no, I definitely think I'm fulfilling it as we speak.
00:48:51.560 | That's a great question.
00:48:54.100 | It took me 30 plus years to figure out what my purpose was
00:48:59.100 | and it's interesting like from the day,
00:49:01.940 | I almost still remember around the time or the season
00:49:04.700 | where I figured it out
00:49:05.820 | and how things just continually started to improve
00:49:08.980 | from a mental standpoint, spiritual standpoint,
00:49:12.400 | just holistically all the way around.
00:49:14.420 | For me, my purpose is to help people walk
00:49:17.860 | from vision to value, right?
00:49:20.340 | So that's why I keep talking about identity
00:49:22.260 | because I think that if you don't have a vision,
00:49:25.560 | it's to help people discover their vision for their life
00:49:28.140 | and then once you've gotten to the point
00:49:29.500 | to where you've discovered the vision for your life,
00:49:31.720 | help you to produce value,
00:49:33.540 | the value that that vision or your purpose
00:49:37.140 | predestines you to produce
00:49:39.100 | and I think that there's two sides of value.
00:49:41.360 | So there's the value that you produce for the marketplace
00:49:44.680 | or the industry that you're in
00:49:46.660 | but then on the flip side is there's an exchange of value.
00:49:49.920 | When I produce value, I receive value, right?
00:49:52.740 | From the most simple terms,
00:49:54.400 | if you're looking for a professional athlete,
00:49:57.100 | if I'm producing this value
00:49:59.520 | that comes in a form of performance
00:50:01.440 | for the National Basketball Association,
00:50:03.680 | in return, I'm gonna receive a contract
00:50:06.720 | that shows the value that I'm producing.
00:50:09.460 | So for me, it's simply put,
00:50:11.260 | it's like helping people walk from vision to value, right?
00:50:14.480 | And along those steps, it takes discovery of who you are,
00:50:18.880 | it takes development,
00:50:20.580 | it takes finding a way to deliver that value
00:50:23.740 | to the right marketplace, to the right people
00:50:26.380 | and then in return, receiving that value
00:50:28.900 | that you've delivered to the marketplace.
00:50:30.540 | So like that's where I function every single day.
00:50:34.220 | - Well, man, I feel like you dropped a lot of knowledge
00:50:37.940 | for everybody to listen to
00:50:39.580 | and even for me, so go get that book.
00:50:42.720 | What's the book called again?
00:50:43.580 | - Out of Order.
00:50:44.580 | - Out of Order.
00:50:45.500 | I've already started it and it's really good.
00:50:49.260 | Something I'm definitely implementing in my own life.
00:50:50.960 | So go cop that book Out of Order
00:50:52.980 | and I appreciate you being on The Pocket.
00:50:54.200 | - Likewise.
00:50:55.040 | You gotta tell people about our situation
00:51:00.040 | in the weight room in college.
00:51:02.840 | - Oh yeah, I was gonna,
00:51:04.840 | 'cause me and him almost weren't friends
00:51:08.360 | 'cause I almost had to put hands on him
00:51:09.720 | is what he's talking about.
00:51:11.280 | This is all the way back.
00:51:12.720 | You know, I weigh 230 now,
00:51:14.120 | but I probably was what, like 190 at Mizzou
00:51:17.180 | and I almost whooped him because this is,
00:51:20.360 | I'm gonna tell from my perspective,
00:51:21.560 | then you can tell from your perspective.
00:51:22.400 | - Please do.
00:51:23.700 | - So I got hurt already, so you know what I mean?
00:51:27.500 | I'm throughout the course of the season,
00:51:29.620 | I'm doing my rehab, getting my extra weight room sessions in
00:51:33.880 | this and that.
00:51:35.180 | I hit Nick up before a game like,
00:51:36.560 | yo, let's get this extra lift in, whatever.
00:51:38.820 | Meanwhile, these dudes in Mizzou,
00:51:40.600 | I don't know about other schools,
00:51:41.860 | but at Mizzou, they were trying to make us go to class.
00:51:43.880 | Now, I would finesse my way out of it.
00:51:46.360 | I would, you know, go until the class checkers came
00:51:48.620 | and then I would dip.
00:51:50.080 | But they had us trying to go to class, tutors.
00:51:53.480 | People always ask me like,
00:51:54.320 | did I get paid to go to Mizzou?
00:51:55.640 | I didn't get anything.
00:51:56.560 | And they're still trying to make me go to class.
00:51:58.040 | So they had me doing the most.
00:52:00.080 | So I hit him like, yo,
00:52:01.260 | let's get this extra lift in before this game.
00:52:03.700 | And meanwhile, I just got done with tutoring.
00:52:05.760 | Like my tutoring session went forever.
00:52:08.100 | And so I showed up five minutes late to the lift
00:52:10.680 | and this dude is already like, he has an attitude.
00:52:13.080 | Like he's already putting up the equipment, whatever.
00:52:15.360 | So I'm walking away and I'm like, bro, what are you doing?
00:52:17.140 | Like, I'm hot because I already was mad
00:52:19.020 | that I was a tutor.
00:52:19.860 | And so I walk in the way and I'm like, what are you doing?
00:52:21.320 | And then he like says something crazy.
00:52:23.280 | So we ended up about to scrap really like,
00:52:27.360 | I forget like how close we got,
00:52:29.260 | but I think like I started talking crazy.
00:52:30.840 | You started talking crazy to me.
00:52:33.000 | And like, it was really about to like, like go down.
00:52:36.160 | Like that's from my perspective.
00:52:38.320 | - That's definitely not how it happened.
00:52:39.440 | Okay, so the truth of it,
00:52:41.560 | 'cause I was talking to see before we even started,
00:52:43.520 | I was like, I wonder if Michael is gonna go there
00:52:45.840 | and tell that story.
00:52:46.960 | But yeah, so from my perspective, you did.
00:52:50.720 | Kudos to you.
00:52:51.540 | You hit me up and wanted to get an extra lift.
00:52:55.000 | So obviously I take the time to get there
00:52:57.400 | before you're there.
00:52:58.800 | I set it up and all that.
00:53:00.720 | I look at the clock, you're late.
00:53:02.200 | So because you're late, lift is over.
00:53:04.160 | It's done so, just straight up.
00:53:06.180 | So I start putting this stuff away.
00:53:08.260 | When I start putting this stuff away,
00:53:10.180 | that's when you walk in the weight room
00:53:12.580 | and you were like, what's good or whatever.
00:53:14.340 | I was like, no lift.
00:53:15.820 | You're like, what do you mean?
00:53:16.860 | I was like, you're late.
00:53:18.220 | And then that's when you, he started raising his voice.
00:53:21.100 | You talk about, what are you doing?
00:53:23.040 | I'll never forget.
00:53:24.080 | I remember that's how it started.
00:53:25.860 | You were like, what are you doing?
00:53:27.140 | And then you just went in.
00:53:28.580 | You started talking crazy, crazy.
00:53:32.180 | Like, what are you doing?
00:53:33.700 | Bro, you trippin', duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.
00:53:36.220 | And I'm like, I'm young obviously.
00:53:38.760 | So I'm like, I'm not the one.
00:53:40.020 | So I started going back.
00:53:41.980 | You start getting louder and you're like,
00:53:44.380 | you got me messed up, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.
00:53:46.700 | So then that's when I remember I closed the weight room doors
00:53:49.900 | 'cause that's when we got to, it was about to get hectic.
00:53:52.980 | I closed the weight room doors and I was like,
00:53:54.820 | so how you wanna handle this, right?
00:53:56.960 | (both laughing)
00:54:00.020 | I'm professional, yes.
00:54:01.420 | But I'm like, okay, so how you wanna handle this?
00:54:03.420 | He's like duh, duh, duh, duh, duh.
00:54:04.380 | And we went on and on and on and on for a little bit.
00:54:06.660 | And then, bro, I always, it's funny when you tell that story
00:54:10.860 | because people are asking me like,
00:54:12.140 | how did you and Mike get to the point
00:54:13.540 | to where you guys have the relationship
00:54:15.020 | that you have and you have trust?
00:54:16.600 | I'm like, because like we've gone,
00:54:19.520 | there's nothing that we haven't gone,
00:54:21.140 | like we have confrontations with each other.
00:54:23.800 | We push each other to be the best, point blank, period.
00:54:27.500 | So that's why I know that I can trust him
00:54:30.140 | and he knows that I can trust, we can trust each other.
00:54:33.320 | So, bro, with that, yeah, dude lost his mind that day.
00:54:36.640 | Talk about what are you doing?
00:54:37.880 | You got me messed up.
00:54:39.600 | No, I'm lifted.
00:54:41.000 | Try to tell me what to do in my weight room.
00:54:42.920 | - So what would have happened
00:54:44.440 | if we got the scrappy thing?
00:54:46.040 | 'Cause at that point I was pretty strong.
00:54:47.520 | - I would have dropped you.
00:54:48.660 | (both laughing)
00:54:50.620 | I would have dropped you.
00:54:51.460 | - You can ask her, "See, when I get--"
00:54:54.320 | - See, cut the camera, you can do it.
00:54:56.360 | I would have dropped it.
00:54:57.200 | - "When I get mad, how strong do I get?"
00:55:00.960 | "How strong do you get from these two?"
00:55:03.680 | - It used to get bad.
00:55:06.160 | - But that doesn't mean that you,
00:55:07.240 | I mean, I'm sure, you know,
00:55:08.560 | we do the boxing and stuff in the off season,
00:55:10.240 | so I'm sure your hands are improved,
00:55:11.640 | but you would have got dropped.
00:55:12.680 | - It's cool.
00:55:13.640 | Nah, you aren't pretty, bro.
00:55:14.920 | - Well, we'll find your picture of your size.
00:55:18.760 | - And then we can--
00:55:19.600 | - I still have his before picture, too,
00:55:21.320 | that we take, I'll send it to you.
00:55:23.060 | - And let people decide what they think with the one.
00:55:25.680 | - That's funny.
00:55:26.520 | - Well, I appreciate you, bro.
00:55:27.360 | - Nah, I appreciate you having me on, bro.
00:55:28.840 | - Yes, sir.
00:55:29.960 | ♪ Dreams and PJs ♪
00:55:32.800 | - I always just think that I was really quick
00:55:35.520 | to get mad when you tried to throw me with the banister.
00:55:37.640 | - That was young.
00:55:38.480 | I was like four, I was like--
00:55:39.920 | - We were not four,
00:55:40.760 | 'cause we were in the second house, I think.
00:55:42.200 | - No, we were in the--
00:55:43.600 | - 'Cause the banister was at the House of Fishers.
00:55:45.680 | - Dude tried to throw you over at banisters?
00:55:47.600 | - Yes, we had a banister.
00:55:48.880 | - I was a young boy, she had me so high.
00:55:51.160 | - This man from the hallway, hardwood floor down there.
00:55:54.240 | - Hey, yo!
00:55:55.060 | - This guy that wasn't here,
00:55:55.900 | I mean, he's trying to lift me over the banister.
00:55:58.400 | I think it's 'cause I took his lightsaber,
00:55:59.840 | - I forget, I was so hot, dude was heated.