Help! My Teen Is Abandoning Christ

00:00:00.000 | Today's sobering question comes from a mother of a teenager who asks this

00:00:04.400 | Hello, Pastor John. What would you do if your 14 year old says she no longer

00:00:09.280 | wants to pray because she is no longer a Christian she doubts the existence of God and

00:00:15.320 | Doubts that Christianity is any better than any other religion

00:00:19.580 | She considers the Bible to be true just for Christians considers church not essential

00:00:24.180 | But she has to attend and attends politely because being part of a family that values God and the things of God

00:00:30.340 | That's what we do

00:00:31.740 | Pastor John as parents. How do we proceed wisely?

00:00:35.220 | Maybe the most helpful thing I could do is recommend a book that meant a great deal to me

00:00:44.620 | At one point in my own parenting when one of my children was in exactly this situation

00:00:50.540 | and the book

00:00:53.300 | Is called come back Barbara by John Miller and his daughter

00:00:58.300 | Barbara Giuliani

00:01:00.580 | I think his daughter was 18 when she ran away moved out got involved with a guy and

00:01:08.260 | Wanted nothing to do with the family's faith and the book

00:01:12.820 | Describes what her parents felt and did and then Barbara who subsequently has returned

00:01:19.540 | wrote

00:01:21.620 | Responses to each of those chapters which gives the book an unusual realism

00:01:25.880 | for how parental efforts were coming across and

00:01:30.420 | Maybe the second best thing I could do is to point this mother to an article my son wrote

00:01:38.740 | after that period of wandering

00:01:41.300 | And he wrote it and we published it at

00:01:44.100 | DG it's still there. I checked it today called 12 ways to love your wayward child

00:01:50.540 | so the things that he felt were

00:01:53.300 | significant while he was on his

00:01:56.980 | Departure

00:02:00.980 | But here are my front-burner thoughts for right now one

00:02:05.380 | Realize that this is something you utterly and totally have no control over

00:02:10.900 | Faith is a gift of God. I

00:02:13.820 | Perhaps a better way to say it would be that the eyes of her heart

00:02:18.420 | Not just the eyes of her head

00:02:20.420 | must see Jesus as true and beautiful and desirable in order to be a Christian and

00:02:26.460 | Only God can open those eyes

00:02:28.820 | That's the point of Ephesians 1 18 to Corinthians 4 6 1 Corinthians 2 13 and 14 Ephesians 2 8

00:02:37.700 | God does use parents and pastors and teachers and friends to point children to Christ

00:02:45.820 | But none of that pointing is decisive

00:02:48.780 | God God is decisive

00:02:51.500 | It is utterly crucial that that you as a burdened parent

00:02:58.380 | Not bear more than you should or can that's number one number two

00:03:03.160 | Therefore since only God can do this prayer is

00:03:07.860 | Absolutely essential indispensable and I would suggest even building into your lives

00:03:15.180 | periodic times of fasting

00:03:17.180 | For your daughter and perhaps ask some of your friends to join you in that fast and prayer

00:03:23.060 | I still do this to this very day. I still do this for critical

00:03:28.860 | relationships in my own family

00:03:31.380 | three

00:03:33.340 | one of the most essential things to pray for is

00:03:36.740 | the seemingly impossible balance between

00:03:42.220 | Broken-hearted concern for your daughter and

00:03:44.780 | Indomitable joy in the face of

00:03:49.180 | This suffering joy in grace and power and goodness of God

00:03:55.220 | I I know this sounds impossible because it is humanly impossible

00:04:00.860 | But nothing is impossible with God your daughter

00:04:04.140 | Indeed your own conscience

00:04:07.260 | Need to see

00:04:10.740 | That she does not have the power to nullify

00:04:15.620 | The hope and joy that you feel in Christ

00:04:19.620 | She does not

00:04:22.420 | Need to feel that she has that power. That would be that would be a

00:04:27.020 | Extremely false if she felt that she needs to feel that she matters and that you are deeply sad

00:04:36.740 | At her spiritual condition, but she also needs to see the reality of what she's missing

00:04:44.740 | namely your

00:04:47.340 | Indomitable enjoyment of the grace of God the peace of God that passes

00:04:52.100 | Understanding and the goodness of God and the power of God in your life. That's what she needs and she needs to see it

00:04:58.900 | That's a miracle and only God can help you do that

00:05:03.700 | For it is perfectly right and good

00:05:07.100 | That while she's under your roof and under your authority, she would live according to your the rules of your house

00:05:13.620 | You you can expect that of her. She should give it but you must labor

00:05:19.260 | to make sure that

00:05:21.860 | This compliance on her part is not

00:05:25.680 | emphatically not the essence of what you are longing for

00:05:30.940 | Many children think that being obedient and being compliant is what the parents really want of them

00:05:38.420 | So the parents won't be embarrassed at church or among their friends

00:05:43.100 | So they perform she needs to realize that is not the main thing you care about

00:05:49.820 | What you care about is the gospel of grace you you you don't want to communicate to her that her

00:05:58.260 | behavior is the main issue the main issue is

00:06:02.020 | Seeing Christ as supremely valuable and enjoying his forgiveness of sins and the hope of everlasting life

00:06:10.220 | So make the gospel

00:06:13.260 | Central always communicate that there is hope for her future in Christ

00:06:19.620 | five don't turn every evening into a

00:06:24.060 | grilling

00:06:26.140 | about her faith and

00:06:28.300 | beware of

00:06:30.020 | outbursts in some

00:06:32.020 | Hostile moment when emotions are so raw. It's a terrible time to talk about anything rational about Christ instead

00:06:40.140 | Make periodic lunch dates with her on a Saturday and ask her ahead of time

00:06:47.460 | For permission to talk about spiritual things. She she'll probably give you permission. She'll say there's no point in it, but ask her

00:06:56.620 | These are like state-of-the-soul

00:06:58.620 | lunches when you listen to her heart

00:07:01.980 | Ask the Lord to help you know what things to ask about what things to say

00:07:06.900 | Especially ask about her heart her emotions her struggles at school and in relationships

00:07:13.300 | Dig in to the core where deep decisions are being made

00:07:17.880 | number six feed your own soul with the food of biblical truth and

00:07:23.420 | especially

00:07:25.340 | stories biblical stories about how

00:07:28.660 | present sorrow and

00:07:31.300 | Seeming hopelessness is a prelude to joy

00:07:34.300 | There are so many of them. I'm thinking of Abraham and Sarah too old to have children

00:07:39.900 | hopeless

00:07:41.660 | Suddenly Isaac I'm thinking of Job lost everything and yet he saw God and God restored his family

00:07:51.380 | Joseph languishing in in hopelessness in Egypt for years and years and years and suddenly

00:07:57.820 | He's the Savior of Israel

00:07:59.940 | Ruth

00:08:01.860 | widow poverty stricken picking

00:08:04.420 | Leftovers in the barley field not knowing tomorrow. There's a husband and a child thinking all was lost

00:08:11.980 | Esther ready to be destroyed with the Jewish people suddenly Haman and her arch enemies hanging on the gallows meant from Mordecai

00:08:20.980 | Or Jesus most of all right most of all Good Friday looked like an absolutely lost cost like your daughter

00:08:28.500 | And within days exalted to the king of the universe

00:08:32.660 | I mean, yes, that's the point of the Bible that that the situation you're in now isn't the last word

00:08:40.180 | So number seven go ahead and have family devotions as you always have but in general don't put her on the spot

00:08:47.160 | Everybody knows this is not

00:08:50.100 | Reality, she's she's not a full participant. That's the agreement

00:08:54.140 | But she needs to see her parents loving Jesus in the word

00:09:00.020 | Let those times be times in which you exalt in Christ and the gospel

00:09:04.500 | Let her see your faith and your concern for larger issues in the world besides your family pray about

00:09:11.780 | Syria pray about the unreached peoples in the Middle East pray about Ebola pray about AIDS

00:09:18.660 | Pray about the government let her see that Christianity is

00:09:22.260 | Large and ennobling and the last thing I would say number eight don't despair

00:09:27.980 | God loves to hear your prayers

00:09:30.820 | He puts your tears in a bottle and he pours it out with his grace in due time

00:09:38.740 | That's some really wise gospel advice and hope-filled words as well, thank you pastor John for speaking from your own

00:09:47.420 | Brokenness on this topic and we thank you for listening to the podcast

00:09:51.100 | You can find our audio feeds and our episode archive and you can reach us by email all through our online home at desiringgod.org

00:09:56.940 | forward slash ask pastor John

00:09:59.660 | Well coming up on Friday this week here in the States. We inaugurate our 45th president

00:10:05.420 | Donald Trump and politics aside

00:10:08.060 | inaugurations are moments for us to step back and be struck by the power of the office and

00:10:13.020 | Of the weightiness of the presidency of this country

00:10:16.020 | So we are gonna return on Friday to talk about a theology of the kingdom in scripture

00:10:21.220 | It seems to be a fitting moment in time for us to step back and look at what it means that Christ himself is a

00:10:26.840 | King and that he reigns over a kingdom. We'll talk about that on Friday inauguration day. I'm your host Tony Ranke

00:10:34.340 | Thanks for listening to the ask pastor John podcast

00:10:36.540 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

Help! My Teen Is Abandoning Christ

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