Today's sobering question comes from a mother of a teenager who asks this Hello, Pastor John. What would you do if your 14 year old says she no longer wants to pray because she is no longer a Christian she doubts the existence of God and Doubts that Christianity is any better than any other religion She considers the Bible to be true just for Christians considers church not essential But she has to attend and attends politely because being part of a family that values God and the things of God That's what we do Pastor John as parents.

How do we proceed wisely? Maybe the most helpful thing I could do is recommend a book that meant a great deal to me At one point in my own parenting when one of my children was in exactly this situation and the book Is called come back Barbara by John Miller and his daughter Barbara Giuliani I think his daughter was 18 when she ran away moved out got involved with a guy and Wanted nothing to do with the family's faith and the book Describes what her parents felt and did and then Barbara who subsequently has returned wrote Responses to each of those chapters which gives the book an unusual realism for how parental efforts were coming across and Maybe the second best thing I could do is to point this mother to an article my son wrote after that period of wandering And he wrote it and we published it at DG it's still there.

I checked it today called 12 ways to love your wayward child so the things that he felt were significant while he was on his Departure But here are my front-burner thoughts for right now one Realize that this is something you utterly and totally have no control over Faith is a gift of God.

I Perhaps a better way to say it would be that the eyes of her heart Not just the eyes of her head must see Jesus as true and beautiful and desirable in order to be a Christian and Only God can open those eyes That's the point of Ephesians 1 18 to Corinthians 4 6 1 Corinthians 2 13 and 14 Ephesians 2 8 God does use parents and pastors and teachers and friends to point children to Christ But none of that pointing is decisive God God is decisive It is utterly crucial that that you as a burdened parent Not bear more than you should or can that's number one number two Therefore since only God can do this prayer is Absolutely essential indispensable and I would suggest even building into your lives periodic times of fasting For your daughter and perhaps ask some of your friends to join you in that fast and prayer I still do this to this very day.

I still do this for critical relationships in my own family three one of the most essential things to pray for is the seemingly impossible balance between Broken-hearted concern for your daughter and Indomitable joy in the face of This suffering joy in grace and power and goodness of God I I know this sounds impossible because it is humanly impossible But nothing is impossible with God your daughter Indeed your own conscience Need to see That she does not have the power to nullify The hope and joy that you feel in Christ She does not Need to feel that she has that power.

That would be that would be a Extremely false if she felt that she needs to feel that she matters and that you are deeply sad At her spiritual condition, but she also needs to see the reality of what she's missing namely your Indomitable enjoyment of the grace of God the peace of God that passes Understanding and the goodness of God and the power of God in your life.

That's what she needs and she needs to see it That's a miracle and only God can help you do that For it is perfectly right and good That while she's under your roof and under your authority, she would live according to your the rules of your house You you can expect that of her.

She should give it but you must labor to make sure that This compliance on her part is not emphatically not the essence of what you are longing for Many children think that being obedient and being compliant is what the parents really want of them So the parents won't be embarrassed at church or among their friends So they perform she needs to realize that is not the main thing you care about What you care about is the gospel of grace you you you don't want to communicate to her that her behavior is the main issue the main issue is Seeing Christ as supremely valuable and enjoying his forgiveness of sins and the hope of everlasting life So make the gospel Central always communicate that there is hope for her future in Christ five don't turn every evening into a grilling about her faith and beware of outbursts in some Hostile moment when emotions are so raw.

It's a terrible time to talk about anything rational about Christ instead Make periodic lunch dates with her on a Saturday and ask her ahead of time For permission to talk about spiritual things. She she'll probably give you permission. She'll say there's no point in it, but ask her These are like state-of-the-soul lunches when you listen to her heart Ask the Lord to help you know what things to ask about what things to say Especially ask about her heart her emotions her struggles at school and in relationships Dig in to the core where deep decisions are being made number six feed your own soul with the food of biblical truth and especially stories biblical stories about how present sorrow and Seeming hopelessness is a prelude to joy There are so many of them.

I'm thinking of Abraham and Sarah too old to have children hopeless Suddenly Isaac I'm thinking of Job lost everything and yet he saw God and God restored his family Joseph languishing in in hopelessness in Egypt for years and years and years and suddenly He's the Savior of Israel Ruth widow poverty stricken picking Leftovers in the barley field not knowing tomorrow.

There's a husband and a child thinking all was lost Esther ready to be destroyed with the Jewish people suddenly Haman and her arch enemies hanging on the gallows meant from Mordecai Or Jesus most of all right most of all Good Friday looked like an absolutely lost cost like your daughter And within days exalted to the king of the universe I mean, yes, that's the point of the Bible that that the situation you're in now isn't the last word So number seven go ahead and have family devotions as you always have but in general don't put her on the spot Everybody knows this is not Reality, she's she's not a full participant.

That's the agreement But she needs to see her parents loving Jesus in the word Let those times be times in which you exalt in Christ and the gospel Let her see your faith and your concern for larger issues in the world besides your family pray about Syria pray about the unreached peoples in the Middle East pray about Ebola pray about AIDS Pray about the government let her see that Christianity is Large and ennobling and the last thing I would say number eight don't despair God loves to hear your prayers He puts your tears in a bottle and he pours it out with his grace in due time That's some really wise gospel advice and hope-filled words as well, thank you pastor John for speaking from your own Brokenness on this topic and we thank you for listening to the podcast You can find our audio feeds and our episode archive and you can reach us by email all through our online home at desiringgod.org forward slash ask pastor John Well coming up on Friday this week here in the States.

We inaugurate our 45th president Donald Trump and politics aside inaugurations are moments for us to step back and be struck by the power of the office and Of the weightiness of the presidency of this country So we are gonna return on Friday to talk about a theology of the kingdom in scripture It seems to be a fitting moment in time for us to step back and look at what it means that Christ himself is a King and that he reigns over a kingdom.

We'll talk about that on Friday inauguration day. I'm your host Tony Ranke Thanks for listening to the ask pastor John podcast