How Do I Submit to My Unbelieving Husband?

00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)

00:00:02.580 | As of this moment, as I record,

00:00:05.820 | Pastor John and Noel are on a ministry trip

00:00:08.060 | through Holland, France and Germany.

00:00:11.080 | Earlier in the year, they were in South America,

00:00:13.040 | you might remember.

00:00:13.880 | Earlier in the spring, they were in Ireland

00:00:15.920 | and in Edinburgh.

00:00:17.440 | All those trips being ministry trips

00:00:19.340 | on behalf of Desiring God,

00:00:21.260 | and I know several financial partners are listening,

00:00:24.240 | and you make those trips possible.

00:00:27.040 | So thank you for your partnership with us.

00:00:30.600 | Looking back when Pastor John was on his trip

00:00:33.200 | to Edinburgh, Scotland, he answered questions

00:00:35.640 | from the audience in one setting.

00:00:38.080 | And one of those questions was from a wife

00:00:39.800 | who is a Christian, but is married

00:00:41.440 | to an unbelieving husband.

00:00:43.280 | And she asks, "Where do I draw the boundary lines

00:00:45.600 | in my submission to him?"

00:00:47.600 | Here is the interchange moderated by local pastor

00:00:51.140 | and church planter, Andy Prime.

00:00:53.260 | Have a listen.

00:00:54.480 | - Staying within the context of family,

00:00:55.760 | someone's asked, "I was saved after I got married.

00:00:59.360 | I accept the biblical teaching that my husband

00:01:01.160 | is the head of the house and family.

00:01:03.280 | What advice do you give to a woman in this situation?"

00:01:05.760 | So I'm presuming the husband is an unbeliever.

00:01:09.760 | - An unbeliever.

00:01:10.840 | - I presume so.

00:01:11.680 | - Well, there's a text written for you.

00:01:13.680 | It's 1 Peter 3, one to six.

00:01:15.240 | It's written to women who are married to unbelievers.

00:01:17.240 | So my first advice would be memorize those verses.

00:01:21.000 | And they are most remarkable.

00:01:25.040 | And I love those verses.

00:01:27.000 | I love them for myself, frankly.

00:01:29.360 | Most of the texts that are written for women in the Bible

00:01:31.720 | I find very helpful for me.

00:01:33.160 | But that's the place.

00:01:36.800 | And the burden of that text is that your life

00:01:41.800 | is essential to your words.

00:01:47.240 | I mean, it says that he may be one without a word.

00:01:51.080 | Now, I don't think that is an absolute,

00:01:54.760 | I mean, you can't ever talk about Jesus with your husband

00:01:58.120 | because he's gotta know you're a believer

00:01:59.960 | or he can't be converted.

00:02:01.880 | And it says he will be converted.

00:02:03.240 | So he's gotta know the gospel.

00:02:05.040 | And so I think it means don't harangue him,

00:02:09.000 | don't nag him, don't preach at him.

00:02:12.360 | But in all humility, in all lowliness,

00:02:16.680 | somewhere along the way,

00:02:18.520 | lay your heart bare before this man

00:02:21.800 | as to where you stand and why you're there.

00:02:24.760 | Not in a preaching way, but a testimony way.

00:02:26.800 | This is why I love Jesus.

00:02:28.840 | I believe that loving Jesus will help me love you better.

00:02:32.680 | So please don't think that when I put him first,

00:02:37.200 | I'm loving you worse.

00:02:40.600 | It doesn't work that way, honey.

00:02:43.760 | It doesn't.

00:02:45.240 | It doesn't.

00:02:46.160 | I will love you better for loving him more.

00:02:51.160 | Now, he may find that unintelligible,

00:02:53.840 | but you need to then show that, you need to prove that.

00:02:58.760 | And it's very complex in a day like ours

00:03:03.040 | when spousal abuse is the first thing people think of often

00:03:08.040 | when you talk about submission.

00:03:10.520 | And there is a real kind of submission

00:03:15.860 | that does not make your husband your absolute Lord.

00:03:20.840 | That text makes no sense

00:03:23.080 | unless Jesus is your Lord above your husband,

00:03:26.420 | because you're aiming to convert the husband

00:03:29.400 | to the Lord that's above you, you both.

00:03:32.720 | And if you're aiming to convert your husband,

00:03:35.160 | clearly you have not submitted to his wrong ideas.

00:03:39.240 | I mean, think through the implications of this text

00:03:41.920 | for what submission does and doesn't mean.

00:03:43.840 | It doesn't mean that your brain has been surrendered

00:03:46.460 | to the unbeliever's brain,

00:03:48.060 | because if it were, you'd become an unbeliever.

00:03:50.740 | And the text clearly says, "Stand your ground, woman.

00:03:54.560 | "Stand your ground."

00:03:55.780 | You have an independent relationship with the Lord

00:03:58.700 | that's authentic and unshakable,

00:04:00.380 | no matter what he says, no matter what he does.

00:04:02.380 | This is real, and Jesus is your Lord,

00:04:05.320 | and you want him included in that.

00:04:07.180 | That's a remarkably independent,

00:04:10.700 | in a sense you might say non-submissive.

00:04:13.120 | So at the level of intellectual commitments,

00:04:16.260 | you're committed to Jesus, not to what the husband believes,

00:04:20.540 | which means that submission has a flavor about it

00:04:25.200 | that's not absolutistic in the sense of,

00:04:28.020 | this man is my Lord, whatever he says goes.

00:04:31.980 | It doesn't, whatever Jesus says goes.

00:04:35.020 | But oh my, once you have rested in Jesus

00:04:39.260 | and longed to show this man as a leader,

00:04:43.060 | that is honor his leadership.

00:04:44.920 | He may not even be a leader,

00:04:46.520 | but you're gonna do everything you can

00:04:48.080 | to honor that leadership and call out of him

00:04:51.080 | all the initiatives, all the protection, all the provision.

00:04:54.020 | Those are the three words that I think headship implies,

00:04:57.980 | that is protecting this woman.

00:04:59.700 | I'm gonna die for her if I have to.

00:05:01.680 | She is my woman, nobody can have her but me,

00:05:04.260 | and I'm protecting her against everything

00:05:05.860 | that might hurt her.

00:05:07.020 | Number two, I'm gonna do everything I can to provide her,

00:05:09.540 | even if I've got a disability and she has to work for me,

00:05:12.440 | I'm gonna do everything I can to be the provider

00:05:15.460 | and I'm gonna take initiatives.

00:05:16.940 | I'm talking to the men now really,

00:05:18.540 | but that's what she wants to awaken and win from him.

00:05:23.220 | And I think there are submissive ways to say no

00:05:27.860 | to an unbelieving husband.

00:05:29.260 | If he wants you to do group sex,

00:05:31.620 | you're gonna say, I can't, I love you,

00:05:38.100 | I think this is bad for you, bad for us,

00:05:40.860 | can't do that because of Jesus.

00:05:43.960 | So, with all the texts in the Bible

00:05:47.420 | that talk about subordination,

00:05:48.460 | children to parents, wives to husbands,

00:05:51.920 | citizens to governments and church members to elders,

00:05:55.980 | those four groups, all of them are qualified,

00:05:59.140 | they're not absolute, right?

00:06:01.140 | You don't do everything a government says,

00:06:03.260 | you don't do everything a wacko elder says

00:06:06.020 | who's left of faith,

00:06:07.620 | you don't do everything a parent tells you to do

00:06:10.540 | if they try to get you to join them in sinning in some way.

00:06:14.100 | The absoluteness of Jesus relativizes,

00:06:19.100 | qualifies the subordination of a child,

00:06:24.460 | a wife, a citizen and a church member.

00:06:28.860 | Amen, that was John Piper answering audience questions

00:06:31.420 | in Scotland earlier this year.

00:06:33.480 | Well, Pastor John is with Noel finishing up a ministry trip

00:06:36.760 | in Holland, France and Germany.

00:06:38.260 | They'll be headed back home to Minneapolis

00:06:39.720 | in the next day or so.

00:06:40.680 | Would you please consider praying for their safety

00:06:42.700 | as they travel home and for the ongoing fruitfulness

00:06:46.260 | of their investment in this trip?

00:06:48.640 | We would really appreciate it.

00:06:51.200 | Well, before Pastor John left for this trip,

00:06:53.100 | we recorded a slew of new episodes in the studio,

00:06:55.440 | including the next one which comes out on Friday

00:06:57.300 | about false teaching.

00:06:58.620 | We should be aware of false teachers, of course,

00:07:01.460 | but should we call out false teachers in public?

00:07:04.340 | Why or why not?

00:07:05.540 | When or when not and who should do it?

00:07:08.380 | It's a great little batch of related questions from you.

00:07:11.460 | It's up next in a brand new episode

00:07:14.340 | coming up next time on Friday.

00:07:16.200 | I'm your host Tony Reinke.

00:07:17.220 | Thanks for listening.

00:07:18.140 | We'll see you then.

00:07:19.140 | (upbeat music)

00:07:21.720 | (upbeat music)

00:07:24.300 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

How Do I Submit to My Unbelieving Husband?

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