Exploring the Art of Decision Making How Journaling and Creative Thinking Can Help You Make Better
00:00:00.000 | So I want to go and talk a little bit about how you think about making decisions.
00:00:03.640 | The decision in someone's mind might be, "Oh, this isn't,
00:00:06.680 | I'm not able to do what I want.
00:00:07.840 | Obviously, I need to move somewhere where I can have more of a balance.
00:00:12.120 | Let the pendulum go back in the middle."
00:00:13.720 | And you said, "Well, maybe there's an alternative.
00:00:15.760 | Maybe I could go get this deep, you know, intense fix for 10 days that'll
00:00:21.200 | hopefully give you, you know, a little high of human interaction for a period
00:00:27.000 | to come and sustain you."
00:00:28.960 | When you approach decision-making, it sounds like you don't just look
00:00:32.040 | at what's the assumed default option of what I could do, you try to really
00:00:36.560 | make sure you're casting a wide net at ways to experience things.
00:00:39.640 | Yes.
00:00:40.920 | You've written about this.
00:00:42.760 | I can't remember the URL.
00:00:44.160 | I don't either right now, but it's one of my favorite things is to be reflective
00:00:50.360 | and ask yourself what you really want, and not just limit yourself to a few
00:00:54.640 | options from what you see other people doing, but to really kind of dig deep
00:00:59.360 | and go like, "Okay, what do I really want?
00:01:02.280 | And why do I want that?
00:01:04.200 | What's the real point of that?
00:01:06.320 | So if I think I want to be on a beach in Thailand right now, well,
00:01:12.000 | why do I think that?
00:01:13.040 | What do I really want?
00:01:13.840 | What do I expect will happen when I get there?
00:01:16.080 | Why is it that I need a beach in Thailand?
00:01:18.200 | Could it be a beach anywhere?
00:01:19.400 | Um, is it just the quiet that I want?
00:01:22.760 | Um, is it, and you may keep asking yourself these questions and get to
00:01:28.040 | the, the actual answer, which is, um, that, uh, yeah, my home is too noisy.
00:01:35.960 | I hate all the clamoring here.
00:01:37.320 | I live right above a train station or something, and it's too noisy in my home.
00:01:41.800 | Really what I'm pursuing is the silence.
00:01:44.800 | Well, do you need to go to Thailand to get silence?
00:01:47.520 | Is that the sustainable solution to that?
00:01:50.280 | No, maybe I need to soundproof my office.
00:01:52.840 | And you might come to like, yeah, actually I don't need Thailand, but
00:01:57.000 | the money it would take to go to Thailand, I could soundproof my office.
00:02:00.920 | And I really do like living here in Toronto or wherever it is.
00:02:03.920 | And, uh, so in fact, I'm going to stay here, not go to
00:02:08.400 | Thailand and soundproof my office.
00:02:10.160 | Yes, that's what I really want.
00:02:11.760 | You know, so if you keep digging into yourself, you might come out with
00:02:17.440 | a solution that, uh, that suits your problem better, is there something you do?
00:02:22.720 | Maybe it's natural for you.
00:02:23.960 | I have to assume it is where someone asks you a question or you have an idea and
00:02:29.960 | you're able to force yourself to pause and think before kind of going all in on
00:02:35.560 | this thing, someone says, Oh, do you want to go here?
00:02:37.480 | And you're like, and my default is, do I want to do this thing or not?
00:02:41.440 | Not, Oh, what are these other options?
00:02:44.480 | Someone asks a question.
00:02:45.560 | My default is, do I know the answer or not?
00:02:47.800 | And if I think I know it, let's answer it right away.
00:02:50.440 | I don't have the natural instinct to pause and think before.
00:02:56.120 | And I'm curious, is there something that you've trained yourself to do?
00:02:59.840 | Is it, is it natural?
00:03:01.240 | Have you thought about how people who maybe don't have
00:03:04.080 | that instinct could adopt it?
00:03:06.880 | I think it would be beneficial to me, which is why I'm asking.
00:03:09.800 | I journal like crazy.
00:03:14.840 | I journal so much.
00:03:17.600 | Um, and unlike the other things where I say, Hey, you know, not
00:03:21.720 | everybody has to do this.
00:03:22.640 | Everybody has to do this.
00:03:24.000 | Everybody should do this.
00:03:25.880 | Uh, it helps so much to pause.
00:03:30.680 | And it doesn't even matter what pen, paper, text file, you
00:03:35.240 | know, Google docs doesn't matter.
00:03:37.400 | Something where you can stop like every day and ask yourself
00:03:44.120 | these reflective questions.
00:03:46.240 | Like ask yourself questions like, why am I doing this?
00:03:50.040 | And what am I really after?
00:03:51.800 | Um, what's the point of that?
00:03:54.560 | And then you should doubt yourself.
00:03:58.000 | You should doubt the answers you give yourself.
00:04:00.480 | So even if you say, um, why do I want this?
00:04:05.840 | Because I've always wanted to go to Thailand.
00:04:07.840 | Challenge yourself, right?
00:04:09.880 | Really?
00:04:10.480 | Have I always wanted to go to Thailand?
00:04:12.280 | Really?
00:04:12.680 | Always?
00:04:13.360 | Um, why do I think that Thailand is the answer?
00:04:16.160 | Like push back on your own answers and just, you know, it can take just an hour
00:04:22.880 | of your day and it is so, so useful to, and if you say that I don't have an hour
00:04:29.800 | in the day, well, the hell you don't, you know, like turn off other things and do
00:04:34.560 | this because where it takes you.
00:04:37.320 | Makes all the difference in the world.
00:04:39.640 | And are there prompts that you use or is it just whatever's happening in the day?
00:04:44.560 | Uh, yeah, whatever's happening.
00:04:46.200 | Yeah.
00:04:46.720 | Yeah.
00:04:47.280 | There's not like generic prompts that I'm going to, you know, Hey, everybody
00:04:50.360 | write down these five questions to ask yourself every day.
00:04:52.640 | No, it's not like that.
00:04:53.360 | It's just use just based on whatever your situation is in the moment.
00:04:57.160 | Generally you could use, I think, use it to clarify your thinking and to, to
00:05:03.000 | think of other options, like you said.
00:05:04.320 | Like if you think you have no choice, you're always wrong.
00:05:08.160 | There's always another choice.
00:05:09.360 | If you think you've only got two choices, well, those aren't options.
00:05:13.520 | That's a dilemma.
00:05:14.560 | If you think, if you think you only have two choices, uh, you
00:05:18.560 | still haven't thought enough.
00:05:19.560 | You have to keep thinking of other options.
00:05:22.080 | You know, you can always add some crazy ones in there.
00:05:24.720 | Like, okay, option number three, I quit everything and join a monastery.
00:05:29.360 | Okay.
00:05:29.600 | Option number four, I go down to my local park and I lay on the bench and
00:05:33.200 | I, I don't leave, I become homeless.
00:05:35.520 | Okay.
00:05:36.000 | Well now you've added two more options that you don't like.
00:05:37.960 | Okay.
00:05:38.280 | You can always keep going and then get more creative, do the brainstorming
00:05:43.000 | approach where you're deliberately thinking of out of the box, crazy
00:05:49.000 | solutions for your situation, but just keep going until you've got like 10 or
00:05:53.040 | 20 options and many of my best ideas in life, the ones that I've been the
00:05:58.320 | happiest with the choices I've made have come from this pushing myself
00:06:06.360 | to further solutions, right?
00:06:07.440 | It's like, it was actually like solution number 18 that got me the most
00:06:12.960 | excited and that's the one I pursued.
00:06:14.680 | Is there an example of, I thought I was going to do this and this new
00:06:18.960 | thing came out that I never was thinking about originally?
00:06:22.120 | Ooh, yeah.
00:06:24.360 | Uh, what's an example?
00:06:27.280 | Well, like actually that trip to India that I just took, that was
00:06:30.880 | like, that came far down the list.
00:06:33.680 | At, at first it was like, I think I need to go to the TED conference again,
00:06:38.720 | which I haven't been to in 10 years.
00:06:40.280 | Then it was like, well, I think I just need to go to any conference.
00:06:43.920 | And then it was like, I think I need, what about a local class here in
00:06:49.640 | Wellington, New Zealand, where I live?
00:06:51.440 | Uh, maybe I can find like a philosophy course here so I can meet other
00:06:57.400 | interesting people, uh, that are into this kind of stuff I'm into.
00:07:02.960 | Um, and then it was like, oh, I could go traveling.
00:07:06.520 | I could go travel Europe and, and I just kept going.
00:07:09.600 | And then, yeah, way down the list was like, I could go to India.
00:07:14.080 | That was like, oh, India.
00:07:15.920 | Yes.
00:07:17.120 | Oh my God.
00:07:17.760 | I haven't been to India in 12 years.
00:07:19.080 | I know so many people in India and through a weird like thing that
00:07:22.800 | I, I married a woman from India.
00:07:24.680 | I actually, I'm a citizen of India.
00:07:26.280 | I have the legal right to live in India for the rest of my life.
00:07:28.360 | I was like, Ooh, see, this one works for me on many levels because
00:07:31.760 | this wouldn't just be a travel.
00:07:34.600 | This wouldn't just be a trip.
00:07:35.760 | This is like an investment into my future.
00:07:37.520 | Like it's likely I will live there someday.
00:07:39.560 | And so getting to know it better now, meeting people now would be an investment
00:07:45.640 | into future long-term friendships, not just a quick, you know, romp at a conference.
00:07:50.600 | Um, so yeah, that came way down the list and that's one example.
00:07:55.440 | And I was, yeah, again, I just got back from this trip.
00:07:57.880 | So it's on my mind right now, but I met so many interesting people there
00:08:01.320 | and, uh, had so many fascinating conversations.
00:08:06.200 | It was just what I needed.
00:08:07.680 | And yeah, that, that solution did not come until I had really spent an hour in my
00:08:13.520 | journal thinking of different solutions.
00:08:15.840 | I love it.
00:08:16.240 | I'm going to propose for people who might be like me thinking, gosh, journaling.
00:08:19.760 | I, I want to try, but I'm not sure what, take a, what I hear is take some decision
00:08:25.960 | you're thinking about making and maybe just spend an hour by yourself with a
00:08:30.240 | notebook, a pen, not a computer, and just kind of think of different ways that
00:08:34.400 | you could have a different outcome.
00:08:36.000 | Like brain instead of journaling, I'm going to call it brainstorming.
00:08:39.320 | Cause I think we might be more familiar with how to start doing that.
00:08:43.200 | But at the end of the day, it's just writing things down
00:08:44.960 | and thinking about them.
00:08:45.880 | So you can, you can call it whatever you want.
00:08:47.640 | Um, but I like this idea.
00:08:49.680 | Um, and so I don't know.
00:08:51.440 | I'm, I'm not a good, uh, I'm not a disciplined journaling person, but I feel
00:08:57.760 | like I'm going to try to take your advice after this and at least commit to it.
00:09:01.560 | I'm not disciplined either about it.
00:09:04.400 | It is absolutely not a discipline to me.
00:09:08.240 | It's just sanity.
00:09:09.440 | It's like, I've been doing this since I was a teenager and I'm 53.
00:09:12.960 | Now, so almost every day I hit some point where I need to clarify my thoughts on
00:09:19.720 | something, what might even be about somebody, like somebody's pissed you off
00:09:25.440 | and you find that you're all upset and you need to kind of stop and clarify your
00:09:29.600 | thoughts instead of just sitting there and feeling angry and like, wait, why am I
00:09:32.760 | feeling angry?
00:09:33.520 | What's this really about?
00:09:34.680 | And so instead of just sitting there on your sofa stewing, it just like open
00:09:42.440 | your thing, whatever it is, your paper notebook, or your, in my case, I just use
00:09:46.240 | a plain text file.
00:09:47.240 | I just open up a plain text file and I just start typing.
00:09:50.160 | Uh, there's no discipline to it at all.
00:09:52.320 | It's just like, what the hell?
00:09:54.200 | I am so angry right now.
00:09:55.400 | Why am I angry?
00:09:56.400 | You know, because this person did that thing.
00:09:59.880 | Well, so what, why does that matter?
00:10:01.760 | Well, because this, and I'll just kind of have this dialogue with myself.
00:10:06.040 | Like I said, like kind of challenging and pushing back.
00:10:08.200 | I hear that.
00:10:10.040 | I don't know much about this, but I've heard that this is similar to something
00:10:14.440 | called cognitive behavioral therapy.
00:10:16.720 | And it is known to be one of the few things that works, uh, for people with
00:10:24.680 | depression or anxiety or other major life problems.
00:10:28.840 | Cognitive behavioral therapy works wonders.
00:10:31.080 | Um, I heard that a couple of times.
00:10:33.560 | And when I just looked into what it is, it sounds like it's what I've been doing
00:10:37.600 | in my journal since I was a teenager.
00:10:39.160 | So, uh, I could say it in my very undisciplined, uh, way that
00:10:46.360 | it's worked wonders for me.
00:10:48.040 | And most of the major life decisions that I've made have come from that process.