So I want to go and talk a little bit about how you think about making decisions. The decision in someone's mind might be, "Oh, this isn't, I'm not able to do what I want. Obviously, I need to move somewhere where I can have more of a balance. Let the pendulum go back in the middle." And you said, "Well, maybe there's an alternative.

Maybe I could go get this deep, you know, intense fix for 10 days that'll hopefully give you, you know, a little high of human interaction for a period to come and sustain you." When you approach decision-making, it sounds like you don't just look at what's the assumed default option of what I could do, you try to really make sure you're casting a wide net at ways to experience things.

Yes. You've written about this. I can't remember the URL. I don't either right now, but it's one of my favorite things is to be reflective and ask yourself what you really want, and not just limit yourself to a few options from what you see other people doing, but to really kind of dig deep and go like, "Okay, what do I really want?

And why do I want that? What's the real point of that? So if I think I want to be on a beach in Thailand right now, well, why do I think that? What do I really want? What do I expect will happen when I get there? Why is it that I need a beach in Thailand?

Could it be a beach anywhere? Um, is it just the quiet that I want? Um, is it, and you may keep asking yourself these questions and get to the, the actual answer, which is, um, that, uh, yeah, my home is too noisy. I hate all the clamoring here. I live right above a train station or something, and it's too noisy in my home.

Really what I'm pursuing is the silence. Well, do you need to go to Thailand to get silence? Is that the sustainable solution to that? No, maybe I need to soundproof my office. And you might come to like, yeah, actually I don't need Thailand, but the money it would take to go to Thailand, I could soundproof my office.

And I really do like living here in Toronto or wherever it is. And, uh, so in fact, I'm going to stay here, not go to Thailand and soundproof my office. Yes, that's what I really want. You know, so if you keep digging into yourself, you might come out with a solution that, uh, that suits your problem better, is there something you do?

Maybe it's natural for you. I have to assume it is where someone asks you a question or you have an idea and you're able to force yourself to pause and think before kind of going all in on this thing, someone says, Oh, do you want to go here? And you're like, and my default is, do I want to do this thing or not?

Not, Oh, what are these other options? Someone asks a question. My default is, do I know the answer or not? And if I think I know it, let's answer it right away. I don't have the natural instinct to pause and think before. And I'm curious, is there something that you've trained yourself to do?

Is it, is it natural? Have you thought about how people who maybe don't have that instinct could adopt it? I think it would be beneficial to me, which is why I'm asking. I journal like crazy. I journal so much. Um, and unlike the other things where I say, Hey, you know, not everybody has to do this.

Everybody has to do this. Everybody should do this. Uh, it helps so much to pause. And it doesn't even matter what pen, paper, text file, you know, Google docs doesn't matter. Something where you can stop like every day and ask yourself these reflective questions. Like ask yourself questions like, why am I doing this?

And what am I really after? Um, what's the point of that? And then you should doubt yourself. You should doubt the answers you give yourself. So even if you say, um, why do I want this? Because I've always wanted to go to Thailand. Challenge yourself, right? Really? Have I always wanted to go to Thailand?

Really? Always? Um, why do I think that Thailand is the answer? Like push back on your own answers and just, you know, it can take just an hour of your day and it is so, so useful to, and if you say that I don't have an hour in the day, well, the hell you don't, you know, like turn off other things and do this because where it takes you.

Makes all the difference in the world. And are there prompts that you use or is it just whatever's happening in the day? Uh, yeah, whatever's happening. Yeah. Yeah. There's not like generic prompts that I'm going to, you know, Hey, everybody write down these five questions to ask yourself every day.

No, it's not like that. It's just use just based on whatever your situation is in the moment. Generally you could use, I think, use it to clarify your thinking and to, to think of other options, like you said. Like if you think you have no choice, you're always wrong.

There's always another choice. If you think you've only got two choices, well, those aren't options. That's a dilemma. If you think, if you think you only have two choices, uh, you still haven't thought enough. You have to keep thinking of other options. You know, you can always add some crazy ones in there.

Like, okay, option number three, I quit everything and join a monastery. Okay. Option number four, I go down to my local park and I lay on the bench and I, I don't leave, I become homeless. Okay. Well now you've added two more options that you don't like. Okay. You can always keep going and then get more creative, do the brainstorming approach where you're deliberately thinking of out of the box, crazy solutions for your situation, but just keep going until you've got like 10 or 20 options and many of my best ideas in life, the ones that I've been the happiest with the choices I've made have come from this pushing myself to further solutions, right?

It's like, it was actually like solution number 18 that got me the most excited and that's the one I pursued. Is there an example of, I thought I was going to do this and this new thing came out that I never was thinking about originally? Ooh, yeah. Uh, what's an example?

Well, like actually that trip to India that I just took, that was like, that came far down the list. At, at first it was like, I think I need to go to the TED conference again, which I haven't been to in 10 years. Then it was like, well, I think I just need to go to any conference.

And then it was like, I think I need, what about a local class here in Wellington, New Zealand, where I live? Uh, maybe I can find like a philosophy course here so I can meet other interesting people, uh, that are into this kind of stuff I'm into. Um, and then it was like, oh, I could go traveling.

I could go travel Europe and, and I just kept going. And then, yeah, way down the list was like, I could go to India. That was like, oh, India. Yes. Oh my God. I haven't been to India in 12 years. I know so many people in India and through a weird like thing that I, I married a woman from India.

I actually, I'm a citizen of India. I have the legal right to live in India for the rest of my life. I was like, Ooh, see, this one works for me on many levels because this wouldn't just be a travel. This wouldn't just be a trip. This is like an investment into my future.

Like it's likely I will live there someday. And so getting to know it better now, meeting people now would be an investment into future long-term friendships, not just a quick, you know, romp at a conference. Um, so yeah, that came way down the list and that's one example. And I was, yeah, again, I just got back from this trip.

So it's on my mind right now, but I met so many interesting people there and, uh, had so many fascinating conversations. It was just what I needed. And yeah, that, that solution did not come until I had really spent an hour in my journal thinking of different solutions. I love it.

I'm going to propose for people who might be like me thinking, gosh, journaling. I, I want to try, but I'm not sure what, take a, what I hear is take some decision you're thinking about making and maybe just spend an hour by yourself with a notebook, a pen, not a computer, and just kind of think of different ways that you could have a different outcome.

Like brain instead of journaling, I'm going to call it brainstorming. Cause I think we might be more familiar with how to start doing that. But at the end of the day, it's just writing things down and thinking about them. So you can, you can call it whatever you want.

Um, but I like this idea. Um, and so I don't know. I'm, I'm not a good, uh, I'm not a disciplined journaling person, but I feel like I'm going to try to take your advice after this and at least commit to it. I'm not disciplined either about it. It is absolutely not a discipline to me.

It's just sanity. It's like, I've been doing this since I was a teenager and I'm 53. Now, so almost every day I hit some point where I need to clarify my thoughts on something, what might even be about somebody, like somebody's pissed you off and you find that you're all upset and you need to kind of stop and clarify your thoughts instead of just sitting there and feeling angry and like, wait, why am I feeling angry?

What's this really about? And so instead of just sitting there on your sofa stewing, it just like open your thing, whatever it is, your paper notebook, or your, in my case, I just use a plain text file. I just open up a plain text file and I just start typing.

Uh, there's no discipline to it at all. It's just like, what the hell? I am so angry right now. Why am I angry? You know, because this person did that thing. Well, so what, why does that matter? Well, because this, and I'll just kind of have this dialogue with myself.

Like I said, like kind of challenging and pushing back. I hear that. I don't know much about this, but I've heard that this is similar to something called cognitive behavioral therapy. And it is known to be one of the few things that works, uh, for people with depression or anxiety or other major life problems.

Cognitive behavioral therapy works wonders. Um, I heard that a couple of times. And when I just looked into what it is, it sounds like it's what I've been doing in my journal since I was a teenager. So, uh, I could say it in my very undisciplined, uh, way that it's worked wonders for me.

And most of the major life decisions that I've made have come from that process.