Dating and Marriage for the Victims of Past Abuse

00:00:00.000 | We are joined again by Matt Chandler, the lead pastor at The Village Church.

00:00:10.080 | Matt is the author of the new book, The Mingling of Souls, God's Design for Love, Marriage,

00:00:14.600 | Sex, and Redemption, and he joins us by phone in Dallas.

00:00:18.460 | Question number 10 in my list of questions for you, Matt, is this, "How does the gospel

00:00:22.240 | change or inform or help those who are dating who have been victims of past sexual abuse,

00:00:29.880 | large numbers of men and women in the church represent this population?

00:00:33.960 | How does Jesus Christ help the unique struggles that those Christians will face in the dating

00:00:38.640 | relationship and as they look forward to marriage?"

00:00:42.160 | Yeah, the first, I'm grateful to answer the question because I'm actually present in this

00:00:50.640 | The home I grew up in was wrought with just about every type of abuse imaginable, and

00:00:55.520 | it does leave some marks and it does leave some dents and create some baggage that not

00:01:00.960 | just in dating but then on into the marriage are going to need to be gospeled.

00:01:06.760 | And what gospel change and help occurs is that for the one that has not sat under the

00:01:18.200 | abuse but is free from that type of baggage, the gospel should create patience, compassion,

00:01:27.600 | and empathy to walk alongside of the person who has bore the brunt of this abuse.

00:01:33.800 | Now, for the one that has bore the abuse, the gospel begins to reshape our identity,

00:01:41.960 | begins to reshape our hearts and wounds, enables us to begin to trust again, slowly

00:01:48.920 | but surely.

00:01:50.420 | And so when the gospel is at work, both in the one that was not abused and in the one

00:01:55.560 | that was, you have a person who is patient and empathetic and compassionate and a person

00:02:02.120 | who is being reshaped and healed by the gospel in such a way that there's an opportunity

00:02:09.600 | to grow into intimacy that wouldn't have been possible outside of the gospel.

00:02:15.200 | And so that's really how I know the gospel has worked in my own life and in my own marriage

00:02:20.280 | is Lorne was able to be very empathetic and compassionate and gracious and not demanding

00:02:27.480 | while the gospel did its work of healing and repairing the broken parts of me.

00:02:35.160 | Thank you, Matt.

00:02:36.600 | And for more on this, pick up Matt's book, The Mingling of Souls, God's Design for Love,

00:02:41.280 | Marriage, Sex, and Redemption.

00:02:42.800 | In chapter three, there's good instruction on how to talk about the abuse that you've

00:02:46.440 | experienced and to talk about it during courtship when things begin progressing towards marriage.

00:02:51.680 | Well, we have time for one more question, a bonus question for tomorrow.

00:02:56.500 | What gospel hope is there for singles who are lonely and for whom marriage seems so

00:03:02.640 | I'll ask Matt in our final episode together.

00:03:05.120 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.

00:03:06.120 | We'll see you tomorrow.

00:03:06.620 | [End of Audio]