Glorifying God in Unshakable Grief
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)
00:00:02.580 | - Pastor John, here's a heavy email we received
00:00:07.520 | from a woman who prefers that her name not be used online.
00:00:10.960 | Dear Pastor John, my brother-in-law recently passed away
00:00:14.320 | at age 32 in a tragic accident.
00:00:17.600 | We stood by his bedside for two months,
00:00:19.440 | hopeful that he would recover,
00:00:20.680 | but now recognize that God's will
00:00:22.720 | was to take him home to heaven.
00:00:24.720 | We rejoice that he was in Christ
00:00:28.040 | and can now see him face to face.
00:00:29.920 | That is awesome.
00:00:31.640 | Yet there is so much sorrow left behind.
00:00:34.720 | The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes chapter three
00:00:36.880 | that there are appropriate times for different seasons.
00:00:39.760 | Many days, my husband and I feel a struggle
00:00:42.160 | to get out of bed.
00:00:43.880 | We struggle to enjoy blessings
00:00:45.320 | like the joys our baby boy brings
00:00:46.880 | because they remind us of our dear brother
00:00:49.600 | that we are deeply grieving.
00:00:51.800 | What encouragement does the Bible give
00:00:53.320 | for those who are mourning?
00:00:54.800 | How do we lift each other up during these dark days?
00:00:57.160 | And how do we mourn the death of a loved one
00:00:59.880 | in a God-honoring way?
00:01:02.080 | Your podcasts are such a blessing to our family,
00:01:05.400 | especially during this season.
00:01:07.320 | - Well, thank you very much.
00:01:10.160 | That's encouraging.
00:01:11.840 | I love the way she put two questions back to back
00:01:16.160 | that in a sense answer each other.
00:01:19.600 | She said, "What encouragement does the Bible give
00:01:24.120 | "for those who are mourning?"
00:01:25.200 | That was one question.
00:01:26.040 | And then she said, "How do we lift each other up
00:01:29.400 | "during this dark time?"
00:01:31.000 | And the first question is the answer to the second question.
00:01:35.720 | In other words, if we go to the Scriptures
00:01:37.880 | and find its encouragements,
00:01:40.000 | that's how we lift each other up.
00:01:42.480 | They speak God's word to each other.
00:01:44.720 | So let me do that.
00:01:46.120 | Let me feed into them
00:01:49.400 | maybe five precious lessons I've learned from Scripture
00:01:56.200 | walking through many sorrows and losses.
00:02:01.200 | One, don't add to your burden
00:02:04.720 | by thinking grief is foreign
00:02:08.120 | to the heart of God's children.
00:02:09.680 | They know this, but it might be good to hear it.
00:02:11.560 | 1 Thessalonians 4.13,
00:02:14.320 | we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers,
00:02:16.800 | about those who are asleep.
00:02:18.800 | That is this brother-in-law who died.
00:02:21.320 | That you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.
00:02:26.320 | So he doesn't say that you may not grieve,
00:02:29.320 | but that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.
00:02:34.320 | Christian grieving is real and it is right.
00:02:39.560 | So let that not be an added burden
00:02:43.840 | that they are walking through a season
00:02:45.920 | of real painful grief.
00:02:49.320 | Number two, eat the fruit of sorrow,
00:02:53.880 | even if it is bitter,
00:02:56.440 | because this fruit that you can only eat now
00:03:01.440 | has nutrients in it that you can't get any other way.
00:03:06.520 | And I know this is maybe a little hard to hear,
00:03:10.720 | but this is so real and so needed.
00:03:14.360 | Martin Luther said that God teaches us deep things
00:03:19.360 | about himself, not only, and then he used two Latin words,
00:03:23.800 | not only by oratio, which means prayer,
00:03:27.920 | and meditatio, which means meditation on the scriptures,
00:03:31.600 | but also, this was his discovery,
00:03:35.280 | God teaches us deep things about himself also by tentatio,
00:03:40.600 | which is translated trial, testing, affliction.
00:03:44.760 | And the text that he cited was Psalm 119, 67, and 71,
00:03:49.760 | which say, "Before I was afflicted, I went astray,
00:03:56.200 | "but now I keep your word.
00:03:59.000 | "It is good for me that I was afflicted,
00:04:01.660 | "that I might learn your statutes."
00:04:04.880 | There are nutrients that we draw out of seasons
00:04:10.720 | of suffering that are strengthening to the bones
00:04:15.200 | of our faith and sweetening to the marrow of our faith
00:04:20.200 | like we can't get any other way.
00:04:24.200 | So eat 'em, go ahead, eat them.
00:04:26.260 | As long as God keeps you in that season,
00:04:28.600 | don't waste it by wishing and wishing,
00:04:30.520 | wishing you'd be out of it.
00:04:31.920 | Go ahead and eat the fruit that grows on that tree alone.
00:04:36.480 | Number three, savor the special,
00:04:40.080 | promised nearness of the Lord.
00:04:44.360 | Psalm 34, 18, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
00:04:49.360 | "and saves the crushed in spirit."
00:04:53.320 | There is a unique and special promised nearness
00:04:58.320 | that you will enjoy.
00:05:01.920 | Yes, that is a tearful, painful, true word.
00:05:06.300 | You will enjoy that you will not have
00:05:09.560 | once the sun comes out again.
00:05:11.720 | I know it, I've walked through this.
00:05:14.500 | Two or three major, major losses in my life,
00:05:19.440 | and I wouldn't trade them for anything
00:05:22.600 | if I just focus on the sweetness of how God drew near.
00:05:27.600 | So that's number three.
00:05:30.560 | Number four, believe that he will heal the wounds
00:05:36.300 | of loss, you could call them an amputation,
00:05:40.320 | without desecrating the preciousness of the memory.
00:05:44.700 | I think sometimes we're so afraid
00:05:46.420 | that if this gets healed too quickly,
00:05:50.260 | it's gonna be dishonoring to my lost loved one
00:05:53.540 | because I'll just be going about my business like usual
00:05:56.500 | and it'll look like he doesn't matter.
00:05:59.380 | I think we all feel that.
00:06:01.980 | And yet Psalm 147.3 says,
00:06:04.780 | "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."
00:06:09.780 | So you don't need to rush it.
00:06:11.960 | And when it comes, when the healing comes,
00:06:15.520 | it won't be in any way a diminishing of the preciousness
00:06:20.520 | of the one who was taken.
00:06:23.440 | Number five, this is the last one.
00:06:26.640 | Wait for God's timing of healing and restoration.
00:06:32.460 | Psalm 30 verse five, "His anger is but for a moment
00:06:37.460 | and his favor is for a lifetime.
00:06:40.680 | Weeping may tarry for the night, joy comes with the morning."
00:06:46.180 | Now I don't think the point of that is about the clock,
00:06:50.140 | like sadness at dusk, joy at dawn every day.
00:06:53.820 | That's not the point of that statement.
00:06:55.900 | The point is God does not leave his children
00:07:00.100 | indefinitely in the depths of sorrow.
00:07:03.420 | Joy comes eventually when dawn comes
00:07:08.420 | and it comes in God's timing.
00:07:10.580 | The older you get, the more you know that terrible things
00:07:15.580 | don't have the same horrible gut punch as time goes by.
00:07:21.200 | In the moment of loss, get that phone call,
00:07:26.340 | that utter disappointment, that painful email,
00:07:30.240 | a dream is shattered, a massive disappointment,
00:07:34.680 | something you thought would never happen.
00:07:36.840 | And you feel in those first hours,
00:07:41.580 | there's no way I can live with this.
00:07:43.600 | And God's timing is very mysterious in its effects
00:07:48.580 | because the next day it's a little different
00:07:51.500 | and the next day it's a little different.
00:07:53.860 | A week later, it's a little different.
00:07:55.620 | Everybody moves at different paces,
00:07:57.780 | but God uses time and grace
00:08:02.420 | to take away the sense of impossibility of life.
00:08:07.420 | Psalm 40, verse one, "I waited patiently for the Lord.
00:08:12.060 | "He inclined to me and heard my cry.
00:08:14.200 | "He drew me up from the pit of destruction,
00:08:17.740 | "out of the miry bog.
00:08:20.080 | "He set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure.
00:08:23.900 | "He put a new song in my mouth,
00:08:26.340 | "a song of praise to our God.
00:08:29.060 | "Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
00:08:32.660 | So how long did David wait in the pit?
00:08:36.160 | I don't know, but he waited, he waited.
00:08:39.700 | And that's what I'm calling for.
00:08:41.380 | So I pray that this grieving unnamed couple
00:08:46.380 | will be brought out into the light of hope
00:08:52.300 | and joy in due time,
00:08:54.900 | not in any glib way that minimizes the loss,
00:08:59.840 | but with all the work in their hearts
00:09:03.120 | that God is doing for their good,
00:09:06.660 | and no doubt through them for the good of others.
00:09:10.760 | - Yes, excellent counsel.
00:09:12.940 | Thank you, Pastor John.
00:09:13.860 | It's amazing how many emails we get
00:09:16.520 | where you, the listener, opens up to us
00:09:18.460 | about the rawest pains of life
00:09:20.920 | that you're experiencing.
00:09:22.300 | And I only wish that we could respond
00:09:24.000 | to all of those emails,
00:09:25.260 | but we are so limited in proportion
00:09:27.860 | to the number of emails that flood our inbox.
00:09:29.940 | Nevertheless, we plot on and try to answer what we can
00:09:33.540 | and publish the Ask Pastor John podcast three times a week.
00:09:36.000 | You can subscribe to our audio feeds
00:09:37.480 | and search our episode archive
00:09:38.900 | and even send us emails from your own pains in life.
00:09:41.500 | You can do all of that through our online home
00:09:43.340 | at desiringgod.org/askpastorjohn.
00:09:47.660 | We're gonna return on Monday
00:09:48.780 | and we're gonna look at something Pastor John has said
00:09:51.120 | online, essentially, the coming kingdom of Christ
00:09:54.720 | is bad news.
00:09:56.440 | And a number of you have wondered
00:09:57.760 | how the coming kingdom of Jesus Christ
00:09:59.840 | is not purely good news.
00:10:02.220 | It's an interesting pushback we have recently gotten.
00:10:04.800 | Then I'll ask Pastor John to explain himself next time
00:10:08.120 | on the other side of the weekend.
00:10:09.660 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.
00:10:10.500 | We'll see you on Monday.
00:10:11.860 | (upbeat music)
00:10:14.440 | (upbeat music)
00:10:17.020 | [BLANK_AUDIO]