(upbeat music) - Pastor John, here's a heavy email we received from a woman who prefers that her name not be used online. Dear Pastor John, my brother-in-law recently passed away at age 32 in a tragic accident. We stood by his bedside for two months, hopeful that he would recover, but now recognize that God's will was to take him home to heaven.

We rejoice that he was in Christ and can now see him face to face. That is awesome. Yet there is so much sorrow left behind. The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes chapter three that there are appropriate times for different seasons. Many days, my husband and I feel a struggle to get out of bed.

We struggle to enjoy blessings like the joys our baby boy brings because they remind us of our dear brother that we are deeply grieving. What encouragement does the Bible give for those who are mourning? How do we lift each other up during these dark days? And how do we mourn the death of a loved one in a God-honoring way?

Your podcasts are such a blessing to our family, especially during this season. - Well, thank you very much. That's encouraging. I love the way she put two questions back to back that in a sense answer each other. She said, "What encouragement does the Bible give "for those who are mourning?" That was one question.

And then she said, "How do we lift each other up "during this dark time?" And the first question is the answer to the second question. In other words, if we go to the Scriptures and find its encouragements, that's how we lift each other up. They speak God's word to each other.

So let me do that. Let me feed into them maybe five precious lessons I've learned from Scripture walking through many sorrows and losses. One, don't add to your burden by thinking grief is foreign to the heart of God's children. They know this, but it might be good to hear it.

1 Thessalonians 4.13, we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep. That is this brother-in-law who died. That you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. So he doesn't say that you may not grieve, but that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.

Christian grieving is real and it is right. So let that not be an added burden that they are walking through a season of real painful grief. Number two, eat the fruit of sorrow, even if it is bitter, because this fruit that you can only eat now has nutrients in it that you can't get any other way.

And I know this is maybe a little hard to hear, but this is so real and so needed. Martin Luther said that God teaches us deep things about himself, not only, and then he used two Latin words, not only by oratio, which means prayer, and meditatio, which means meditation on the scriptures, but also, this was his discovery, God teaches us deep things about himself also by tentatio, which is translated trial, testing, affliction.

And the text that he cited was Psalm 119, 67, and 71, which say, "Before I was afflicted, I went astray, "but now I keep your word. "It is good for me that I was afflicted, "that I might learn your statutes." There are nutrients that we draw out of seasons of suffering that are strengthening to the bones of our faith and sweetening to the marrow of our faith like we can't get any other way.

So eat 'em, go ahead, eat them. As long as God keeps you in that season, don't waste it by wishing and wishing, wishing you'd be out of it. Go ahead and eat the fruit that grows on that tree alone. Number three, savor the special, promised nearness of the Lord.

Psalm 34, 18, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted "and saves the crushed in spirit." There is a unique and special promised nearness that you will enjoy. Yes, that is a tearful, painful, true word. You will enjoy that you will not have once the sun comes out again. I know it, I've walked through this.

Two or three major, major losses in my life, and I wouldn't trade them for anything if I just focus on the sweetness of how God drew near. So that's number three. Number four, believe that he will heal the wounds of loss, you could call them an amputation, without desecrating the preciousness of the memory.

I think sometimes we're so afraid that if this gets healed too quickly, it's gonna be dishonoring to my lost loved one because I'll just be going about my business like usual and it'll look like he doesn't matter. I think we all feel that. And yet Psalm 147.3 says, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." So you don't need to rush it.

And when it comes, when the healing comes, it won't be in any way a diminishing of the preciousness of the one who was taken. Number five, this is the last one. Wait for God's timing of healing and restoration. Psalm 30 verse five, "His anger is but for a moment and his favor is for a lifetime.

Weeping may tarry for the night, joy comes with the morning." Now I don't think the point of that is about the clock, like sadness at dusk, joy at dawn every day. That's not the point of that statement. The point is God does not leave his children indefinitely in the depths of sorrow.

Joy comes eventually when dawn comes and it comes in God's timing. The older you get, the more you know that terrible things don't have the same horrible gut punch as time goes by. In the moment of loss, get that phone call, that utter disappointment, that painful email, a dream is shattered, a massive disappointment, something you thought would never happen.

And you feel in those first hours, there's no way I can live with this. And God's timing is very mysterious in its effects because the next day it's a little different and the next day it's a little different. A week later, it's a little different. Everybody moves at different paces, but God uses time and grace to take away the sense of impossibility of life.

Psalm 40, verse one, "I waited patiently for the Lord. "He inclined to me and heard my cry. "He drew me up from the pit of destruction, "out of the miry bog. "He set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. "He put a new song in my mouth, "a song of praise to our God.

"Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord." So how long did David wait in the pit? I don't know, but he waited, he waited. And that's what I'm calling for. So I pray that this grieving unnamed couple will be brought out into the light of hope and joy in due time, not in any glib way that minimizes the loss, but with all the work in their hearts that God is doing for their good, and no doubt through them for the good of others.

- Yes, excellent counsel. Thank you, Pastor John. It's amazing how many emails we get where you, the listener, opens up to us about the rawest pains of life that you're experiencing. And I only wish that we could respond to all of those emails, but we are so limited in proportion to the number of emails that flood our inbox.

Nevertheless, we plot on and try to answer what we can and publish the Ask Pastor John podcast three times a week. You can subscribe to our audio feeds and search our episode archive and even send us emails from your own pains in life. You can do all of that through our online home at desiringgod.org/askpastorjohn.

We're gonna return on Monday and we're gonna look at something Pastor John has said online, essentially, the coming kingdom of Christ is bad news. And a number of you have wondered how the coming kingdom of Jesus Christ is not purely good news. It's an interesting pushback we have recently gotten.

Then I'll ask Pastor John to explain himself next time on the other side of the weekend. I'm your host, Tony Reinke. We'll see you on Monday. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)