Discerning Maturity in a Boyfriend Before Marriage
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)
00:00:02.580 | - We're back with guest Francis Chan
00:00:07.120 | who joins us from San Francisco.
00:00:09.480 | Francis and his wife Lisa wrote a new book,
00:00:11.560 | You and Me Forever, Marriage in Light of Eternity.
00:00:14.940 | And Francis, you have five daughters,
00:00:16.840 | so one day you'll be dealing with suitors at the door,
00:00:19.840 | if not already.
00:00:21.260 | And there seems to be a shortage of godly young men
00:00:24.620 | for a variety of reasons that is probably connected
00:00:27.640 | to porn use and video game addictions, et cetera, et cetera.
00:00:31.840 | And on the Ask Pastor John podcast,
00:00:33.760 | we get a steady stream of emails from young women
00:00:36.060 | who want to know, what should I expect to see
00:00:39.280 | in a young Christian man to signal
00:00:42.000 | that he's ready for marriage?
00:00:43.440 | How would you answer them?
00:00:44.680 | What are you looking for?
00:00:46.280 | - Well, you know, it's interesting.
00:00:49.120 | My daughter did bring home a guy
00:00:50.800 | a few months ago from college.
00:00:53.140 | And some of my friends asked her,
00:00:57.920 | they say, "Hey, how serious are you with him?"
00:01:02.060 | And they told me her answer was so weird.
00:01:05.340 | They said, her answer was,
00:01:08.420 | "I just want to hang out with him long enough
00:01:11.260 | "to see if God answers his prayers."
00:01:14.180 | I mean, that's a weird answer,
00:01:15.940 | but in her mind, that was her gauge.
00:01:18.900 | Okay, she lives with a dad,
00:01:20.840 | or she spent these 18 years with a dad
00:01:23.640 | who prays to God, and she would see how,
00:01:26.060 | man, my dad knows God.
00:01:28.260 | God answers him when he prays.
00:01:30.560 | And so now that she's with these guys,
00:01:32.520 | she wants to know, okay, do you really know God?
00:01:34.980 | I mean, do you really know him?
00:01:36.500 | Is it a true relationship with him?
00:01:39.920 | Because growing up, she would see,
00:01:41.800 | like sometimes God would answer her prayer,
00:01:43.840 | and I'd point it out to her.
00:01:45.260 | And I remember times I would sit her and her,
00:01:48.740 | my second oldest down.
00:01:49.900 | I'd go, look, you guys, you see the way God answers
00:01:53.140 | mom and dad's prayers.
00:01:54.700 | And when it comes time for you to get married,
00:01:56.840 | that's why I want you so badly to just be with a guy
00:01:59.580 | who knows and loves Jesus.
00:02:03.020 | Because if you don't, you're forfeiting all of this.
00:02:06.540 | And so in their mind, it's really about this relationship.
00:02:10.740 | And I guess her answer tells me that she feels
00:02:13.540 | you can tell a lot about a person by how he prays
00:02:18.060 | and whether or not God listens.
00:02:19.580 | Because prayer is conditional.
00:02:21.100 | We see in scripture, God often hates our prayers.
00:02:24.020 | And says, I'm not listening to that.
00:02:25.820 | It's a bunch of noise to me.
00:02:27.380 | You know, if there's doubting or selfishness
00:02:30.340 | or unrepentance, insincerity, it's a lack of reverence.
00:02:35.340 | God wants to hear the prayers of those who love him
00:02:40.540 | and know him and are walking with him.
00:02:43.060 | And so for them, I think that's the picture.
00:02:47.700 | I don't wanna get too much into specific actions
00:02:52.700 | because that can be almost religious.
00:02:56.060 | It's more, gosh, does God, does he really know him?
00:03:01.020 | Does he really love Jesus?
00:03:03.300 | And is he truly known by him to where that prayer life
00:03:06.900 | is so deep and rich?
00:03:08.480 | - Thank you, Francis.
00:03:11.100 | And on a related note, Pastor John has addressed dating
00:03:14.180 | in a couple of episodes.
00:03:15.380 | Episode number 122, titled,
00:03:17.300 | Is My Boyfriend's Porn a Marriage Deal Breaker?
00:03:20.820 | And episode number 486,
00:03:22.900 | Is My Boyfriend's Video Game Addiction
00:03:25.260 | a Marriage Deal Breaker?
00:03:26.980 | Those are critical questions we receive often from listeners.
00:03:30.260 | And it's always great to hear from you out there.
00:03:32.220 | If you are a listener and you have a question,
00:03:34.240 | please send it to us at askpastorjohn@desiringgod.org
00:03:38.940 | in an email, of course.
00:03:40.100 | And visit us online at desiringgod.org
00:03:43.260 | to find thousands of books, articles, sermons,
00:03:45.420 | and other resources from John Piper, all free of charge.
00:03:48.700 | We're back with Francis Chan tomorrow
00:03:50.420 | to talk about leadership.
00:03:51.740 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.
00:03:53.000 | Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John Podcast.
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