Overcoming Anger in the Home
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)
00:00:02.580 | - Well, welcome back to the podcast on this Wednesday.
00:00:06.300 | We have often taken up the topic of anger on the podcast.
00:00:09.760 | And that's because, well, we get a lot of questions
00:00:12.440 | on anger to the podcast and hundreds of questions
00:00:15.280 | over the years have come in on this topic.
00:00:17.260 | Last time we looked at one dimension,
00:00:19.520 | namely getting mad at God when life doesn't turn out
00:00:22.180 | the way that we had hoped.
00:00:24.380 | Is it ever virtuous or righteous or godly or innocent,
00:00:29.000 | or even morally neutral to feel heartfelt anger at God?
00:00:34.000 | That question we took up last time on Monday in APJ 1828.
00:00:39.880 | But most of our emails on anger are in the context
00:00:42.360 | of the home, in wondering what Pastor John has said here.
00:00:45.280 | I searched the sermon archive and found this clip
00:00:47.980 | that I wanna play for you today, it's for dads.
00:00:50.420 | And it's a reminder of how dad's anger in the home kills
00:00:54.020 | the kindness and the tenderheartedness
00:00:56.440 | that he is called to display to his family.
00:00:59.860 | So how do we confront such a powerful
00:01:01.640 | and seemingly unstoppable force of anger inside the home?
00:01:05.920 | Here's Pastor John with a wonderful gospel answer
00:01:08.960 | and a clip taken from one of his 2007 sermons.
00:01:12.340 | Here he is talking about the fatherhood of God.
00:01:16.640 | - So here he is as our father,
00:01:19.420 | and he has never done us wrong or done anything
00:01:24.200 | to give us a legitimate cause for anger.
00:01:28.000 | And the relationship is broken with everybody in the world.
00:01:33.280 | Whose fault is it?
00:01:36.100 | It's man's fault.
00:01:37.120 | It's always our fault.
00:01:39.000 | It's always our fault when the relationship breaks down
00:01:43.880 | between us and God, always.
00:01:46.800 | Now, here's the point of making that.
00:01:49.720 | Who takes the initiative to fix that?
00:01:54.680 | Our Father in heaven does,
00:01:57.640 | at the price of his son's life.
00:02:04.040 | This is not a small little,
00:02:06.360 | well, I'm gonna give it a little try here
00:02:08.080 | to see if I can save my children.
00:02:10.460 | This is the father and the son from all eternity
00:02:15.200 | knowing our rebellious anger against him and saying,
00:02:18.240 | "Son, we're not gonna let him go.
00:02:20.440 | "We will not let our elect go.
00:02:24.260 | "We will do everything it takes
00:02:27.340 | "to have them in this family and have them happy."
00:02:30.360 | Now, I mention it, dads, 'cause that's our pattern.
00:02:35.580 | And it was all our fault.
00:02:38.920 | It'll never be all your children's fault
00:02:43.000 | when they give you trouble.
00:02:45.080 | Some, but not all.
00:02:47.800 | And therefore, the call to be like God to our children
00:02:52.040 | will be more warranted than if we were perfect fathers.
00:02:56.840 | And if we were perfect fathers,
00:02:58.840 | the knock on the door would be,
00:03:00.000 | "I would like to talk to the man of the house
00:03:03.080 | "and we'll work on this.
00:03:04.360 | "We will lay our lives down to have these children back
00:03:08.000 | "and to have them free from anger
00:03:10.160 | "and to have them whole emotionally
00:03:12.200 | "and moving into their own little nests whole."
00:03:17.000 | Now, I said I would point you back
00:03:20.720 | to the way Paul worked with anger.
00:03:23.120 | If you wanna move a page,
00:03:25.600 | you may not have to move a page.
00:03:26.880 | Chapter four, verse 31.
00:03:28.340 | This text, 431 to 5.2, is a model for fathers
00:03:36.560 | and how to attack the anger in the family,
00:03:43.560 | in himself, in his children, wife.
00:03:47.320 | Let's start reading at 431.
00:03:49.920 | "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger
00:03:53.920 | "and clamor and slander be put away from you."
00:03:58.920 | You could say you dads.
00:04:01.740 | "Along with all malice, be kind to one another,
00:04:05.800 | "tenderhearted, forgiving one another."
00:04:08.120 | Now, stop right there.
00:04:09.320 | That's all command.
00:04:11.760 | And as command, powerless.
00:04:15.000 | You go to a dad who's angry in this church tonight,
00:04:19.440 | say, "Stop feeling that way."
00:04:21.840 | He'll look to you like, "You mean you want me to fly?"
00:04:27.120 | "It doesn't work."
00:04:31.200 | That's what he would say, probably,
00:04:33.400 | if you just said, "Stop being angry."
00:04:36.600 | Or, like Paul, "Put it away."
00:04:39.040 | That's powerless.
00:04:41.260 | But the next phrase is all power.
00:04:44.120 | "As God in Christ forgave you."
00:04:50.080 | There's the only hope, dads.
00:04:55.960 | The gospel is the only hope for child rearing.
00:04:59.880 | The main issue in making kids mad is that we're mad.
00:05:04.600 | And if we're gonna pull the plug on our anger, this is it.
00:05:11.460 | I don't know any other Christ-exalting answer
00:05:15.300 | to how to overcome anger than to do the way Paul says here.
00:05:20.300 | "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger
00:05:23.180 | "and clamor and slander be put away from you."
00:05:25.900 | Reverse it.
00:05:27.000 | "Let there be kindness and tenderheartedness."
00:05:30.980 | That's those other sweet emotions
00:05:33.460 | that are being slaughtered by the anger.
00:05:36.140 | "Replace the anger with tenderheartedness
00:05:38.200 | "and forgiving one another."
00:05:39.700 | And then here it comes.
00:05:41.100 | "As God in Christ forgave you."
00:05:46.100 | So the text is God doesn't just come to us, dads,
00:05:51.620 | and say, "Stop being angry
00:05:53.660 | "and stop provoking your kids to anger, period.
00:05:56.560 | "I mean it, I'm God, do what I say."
00:05:59.660 | That's not the gospel.
00:06:00.900 | What God says is, "From eternity, I plan to save you.
00:06:07.220 | "My son and I, in a covenant of redemption, agreed to do it.
00:06:12.220 | "I'm gonna let him go.
00:06:14.660 | "He's gonna die.
00:06:16.340 | "He's gonna rise again."
00:06:18.020 | For every dad who will look away from himself to Christ
00:06:23.020 | as the punishment he deserves,
00:06:30.100 | the righteousness God requires,
00:06:32.880 | and receive all that precious, glorious treasure,
00:06:37.880 | at that moment, God says, "I am totally for you forever."
00:06:43.440 | And out of that forgiveness, out of that right standing,
00:06:52.160 | out of that sweet, tenderhearted experience
00:06:57.120 | of the living God folding me like a father into his family,
00:07:01.760 | a soul that has shriveled up to one solitary emotion,
00:07:06.760 | anger can begin to melt under the smile of God.
00:07:19.840 | It can happen.
00:07:23.680 | It will happen.
00:07:27.160 | - A hopeful gospel word to address anger in the home.
00:07:30.000 | I took this clip from a John Piper sermon
00:07:32.320 | preached on June 17th, 2007, titled,
00:07:34.720 | "Marriage is Meant for Making Children
00:07:36.920 | "Disciples of Jesus, Part Two."
00:07:39.100 | And that sermon is subtitled,
00:07:40.720 | "A Father's Conquest of Anger in Himself
00:07:43.720 | "and in His Children."
00:07:45.880 | It's really important.
00:07:46.720 | You can get the entire thing, both parts, online in audio.
00:07:50.280 | I think just audio.
00:07:51.480 | I'm not sure if the video's online.
00:07:52.760 | I know the audio is.
00:07:53.800 | Go and check it out online.
00:07:55.160 | If you have a sermon clip to share, email me.
00:07:57.760 | Give me your name, hometown, the sermon title,
00:07:59.640 | the timestamp of where the clip happens in the audio,
00:08:01.600 | and make a note of what stands out to you in it.
00:08:04.480 | Put the word clip in the subject line of an email
00:08:06.280 | and send it to me at askpastorjohn@desiringgod.org.
00:08:09.800 | That's an email address, askpastorjohn@desiringgod.org.
00:08:14.800 | Well, as Pastor John says,
00:08:17.360 | "Not many things weigh heavier on the heart
00:08:19.740 | "than long-term marital disappointment."
00:08:23.520 | And we return Friday to hear from a disappointed wife
00:08:25.760 | who wants to know how to address
00:08:27.680 | the very deep disappointment
00:08:29.280 | she faces over her husband's ongoing sin.
00:08:33.080 | It's a heavy topic and sobering.
00:08:35.640 | Hit us up on Friday.
00:08:36.920 | Next time, I'm your host, Tony Renke.
00:08:38.360 | We are rejoined in the studio with Pastor John on Friday.
00:08:41.720 | We'll see you then.
00:08:42.680 | (upbeat music)
00:08:45.260 | (upbeat music)
00:08:47.840 | [BLANK_AUDIO]