The Art of Listening
00:00:00.000 | Take a listening class.
00:00:01.200 | There's a difference between listening
00:00:02.060 | and waiting for your turn to speak.
00:00:03.200 | You wanna help, you wanna be there, good instincts,
00:00:05.280 | but your instinct is to fix.
00:00:07.000 | Again, I think this is more male than female.
00:00:09.360 | Women are much better at holding space,
00:00:11.120 | men wanna fix, in general, not as a rule.
00:00:13.240 | But when somebody is struggling,
00:00:14.720 | they don't have the mental capacity
00:00:17.000 | to even take in the stuff you're telling them.
00:00:18.920 | All they need is to not feel alone.
00:00:21.360 | And the funny thing is, is people can take instructions.
00:00:23.840 | I called a friend, I was in a dark time, I was struggling,
00:00:27.600 | I called her up and was like,
00:00:28.440 | "Hey, do you have a minute, I just, I need to talk."
00:00:30.240 | And I started telling her how I was feeling.
00:00:31.680 | And she went into fix it mode.
00:00:32.840 | And I said to her, "I don't need you to fix anything,
00:00:34.480 | "I just need you to listen."
00:00:35.560 | I can give the instruction and she goes, "Okay."
00:00:38.120 | And she can adjust.
00:00:39.120 | The thing about somebody who's struggling
00:00:40.560 | or depressed or down or whatever it is,
00:00:42.200 | is they can't see the obvious.
00:00:44.080 | That's why they're depressed or down or anxious.
00:00:46.440 | You are not depressed, down or anxious in that moment,
00:00:48.840 | which is why you can see the obvious.
00:00:50.400 | So sometimes trying to fix it and tell them
00:00:52.520 | will make them feel worse, right?
00:00:54.000 | You're basically calling them stupid.
00:00:55.840 | And so to be a good friend,
00:00:57.360 | you have to be good at knowing what people need
00:00:59.640 | in the moment and you don't even have to be intuitive.