What Every Marriage Needs Most

00:00:00.000 | Hello everyone, it's Tony again. Before we dive into today's episode from the SING conference in Nashville, I have a small favor to ask

00:00:07.000 | We love to serve you in this podcast and we want to serve you even better in 2020 and beyond and to serve you better

00:00:13.040 | Means we need to know you better and to that end we put together a brief little survey

00:00:17.800 | That takes just a few minutes to fill out and it will be up online until the end of January

00:00:22.060 | If you're willing to help us out, we would really appreciate it. Go online to DesiringGod.org/survey

00:00:28.480 | That's DesiringGod.org/survey and I'll mention that address after today's episode which starts right now

00:00:34.840 | This spring Pastor John and I recorded five episodes live and in the flesh in Nashville, Tennessee

00:00:44.520 | A number of you joined us for that recording session. It was great to see you and at one point in Nashville

00:00:50.160 | We talked about marriage. Here's the interchange

00:00:53.040 | A lot of questions in this room. We've got a hundred questions from folks in attendance

00:00:58.120 | Most of those had to do with marriage. When life gets busy, pastoring gets busy. You've got young kids

00:01:03.640 | How did you find over the years ways to invest in your wife and make your marriage a priority?

00:01:09.200 | Especially in those busy years of pastoring and with young kids

00:01:14.760 | What do you remember from those days about how you built into Noel and your marriage?

00:01:19.000 | I think the biggest investment that a wife or a husband

00:01:25.640 | Can make in their spouse is the investment they make in their own soul

00:01:32.080 | Here's what I mean

00:01:34.880 | If you

00:01:36.400 | Did you get married?

00:01:38.400 | all's rosy great love each other and

00:01:41.240 | Time goes by and you read all kinds of books and you hear a question like that

00:01:47.240 | And so I said, how are you investing in your wife?

00:01:51.000 | Like that investing in my wife. What does that even mean?

00:01:54.260 | investing in my wife

00:01:57.000 | I think it is very easy to

00:02:00.040 | Abstract that from your own soul

00:02:06.240 | Transformation so that becomes a project

00:02:09.720 | Marriage is the project. I'll read another book. I'll go to another seminar. I've got to learn the right, you know love language

00:02:20.200 | Well, that can be that can be good but far more important is

00:02:25.560 | Do I go to the Lord and

00:02:30.160 | Invest in him and say God

00:02:33.700 | Make me a new person and that's not just what you pray at the beginning of your Christian life

00:02:41.040 | I mean if you've lived long enough and I see people older a lot of older people out here like me

00:02:48.520 | We know we're sinners today

00:02:52.360 | and

00:02:53.920 | I've got

00:02:55.640 | Soul work to do so that when I open my mouth with my wife

00:03:00.400 | I'm always

00:03:02.600 | Investing in her I'm a new person

00:03:04.600 | Who loves better who loves better than I did yesterday?

00:03:09.920 | so at

00:03:13.480 | 73 I'm fighting for my marriage every day

00:03:18.400 | by fighting for my holiness

00:03:20.400 | I'm going to this book and asking not to be

00:03:25.960 | Unkind not to be critical. I'm asking to be love joy peace patience

00:03:32.720 | Goodness kindness meekness faithfulness self-control that's called happy marriage

00:03:39.120 | Right it and then the main the main battle is here. It's really here

00:03:47.680 | even if even if there's conflict that's where the main battle is a

00:03:53.160 | Text that is just massively important. I think is

00:03:56.720 | Colossians 3 I think it's 12 and 13 and it says

00:04:02.240 | Endure one another in love forgiving one another

00:04:08.760 | Now in the old King James the words are forbear and forgive but endure

00:04:16.960 | Is really quite an unromantic word?

00:04:20.520 | And and it's good

00:04:24.520 | Forgiveness is an awesome and wonderful thing

00:04:27.440 | every every spouse needs to make a

00:04:30.560 | vocation out of asking forgiveness and giving forgiveness

00:04:35.160 | Has to happen has to happen almost daily. I would say but here's the rub that I learned really quick

00:04:44.040 | She doesn't think what bothers me is a sin

00:04:46.680 | She's got nothing to repent of

00:04:53.880 | And therefore I've got nothing to forgive and I'm ticked off

00:05:02.640 | Now what I mean that's serious sounds funny, but guess what?

00:05:13.680 | So

00:05:15.000 | the Bible

00:05:16.760 | This is a great book. This is a really good book

00:05:20.000 | This is a great marriage book the best marriage book there is

00:05:25.480 | It says

00:05:30.360 | Endure one another

00:05:32.680 | Well now just take five minutes to put flesh on that

00:05:36.320 | What's that mean?

00:05:38.520 | Now I wrote a book on marriage probably the most important thing in that book is the compost pile

00:05:44.480 | illustration

00:05:47.120 | Every marriage needs a compost pile

00:05:49.320 | You have any idea what a compost pile is it means you've got a really nice green backyard. It's wonderful

00:05:57.160 | it's a great place to hang out and

00:05:59.480 | The relationship has

00:06:03.680 | Kooky dirty lousy no good stuff in it that neither of you

00:06:10.040 | considers to be sin

00:06:13.160 | And you could be wrong on that

00:06:17.200 | You build a compost pile way off in the corner and

00:06:23.400 | You you throw?

00:06:26.120 | that

00:06:28.120 | Habit of your spouse in the compost pile

00:06:31.960 | now you can camp out by a compost pile and

00:06:35.440 | smell the stinky stuff all night long or

00:06:39.000 | You can pull a curtain around it and have a picnic at the picnic table on the green grass with the woman you married

00:06:48.040 | While while all the compost all your junk and all her junk is in the compost pile you both know

00:06:56.800 | They're there, but the smell is bracketed

00:06:59.720 | It's just cut off and you both are looking in each other's eyes, and you're no very honestly. There's a compost pile back there

00:07:06.480 | We're not gonna talk about it right now

00:07:08.480 | We're gonna enjoy these grandkids and we're gonna we're gonna do this barbecue and so

00:07:16.520 | Goodness I've got 18 things written down here. That's three of them. I really I probably what I just say and then stop is

00:07:25.160 | Behaviors are

00:07:29.560 | Late things I wrote you an email about this recently

00:07:32.280 | behaviors are late things early things are

00:07:36.920 | Soul things

00:07:40.800 | attitudes feelings

00:07:43.200 | Angers joys, and that's where the battle is fought with Jesus over your Bible

00:07:49.520 | So that when you get up in the morning go down to the breakfast table after a half an hour with

00:07:53.880 | Jesus come in terms with your own sin confessing you're able to speak up

00:07:59.160 | Building things let nothing come out of your mouth. This is my wife's favorite verse

00:08:02.920 | I think when it comes to relationship that nothing come out of your mouth, but only what is gracious what builds up and

00:08:09.320 | And that's what she faults me with all the time is that you should do that better

00:08:13.640 | This whole episode echoes that famous Robert Murray McShane quote to pastors

00:08:22.400 | My people's greatest need is my personal holiness or my wife's greatest need is my personal holiness

00:08:30.160 | Which of course is all made possible by the atonement of Jesus Christ for me and the living Spirit of God inside of me

00:08:37.380 | This is one of five episodes. We recorded in Nashville at the sing conference the third to be published in the podcast now

00:08:43.660 | We've already published the episode on when a pastor leaves the faith. That was episode 1379

00:08:49.240 | That's online and when to stop listening to the podcast

00:08:52.560 | Episode 1382 and then of course today's episode what every marriage needs most

00:08:57.660 | It's episode 1418 that makes number three and that leaves two more to come

00:09:02.360 | parenting non-christian teenagers that one is scheduled for January 15th, which is a phenomenal episode if I may say so myself and

00:09:10.440 | Finally an episode addressing pro LGBT evangelicals later to come in

00:09:16.480 | 2020 but up next what are the drawbacks to Christianity as a major cultural voice?

00:09:22.800 | That's my question to Pastor John next time on Friday

00:09:26.280 | Until then if you're willing to help us out fill out our online survey go to desiringgod.org/survey

00:09:32.040 | That's desiringgod.org/survey

00:09:34.240 | Thanks

00:09:37.160 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

What Every Marriage Needs Most

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