Hello everyone, it's Tony again. Before we dive into today's episode from the SING conference in Nashville, I have a small favor to ask We love to serve you in this podcast and we want to serve you even better in 2020 and beyond and to serve you better Means we need to know you better and to that end we put together a brief little survey That takes just a few minutes to fill out and it will be up online until the end of January If you're willing to help us out, we would really appreciate it.

Go online to DesiringGod.org/survey That's DesiringGod.org/survey and I'll mention that address after today's episode which starts right now This spring Pastor John and I recorded five episodes live and in the flesh in Nashville, Tennessee A number of you joined us for that recording session. It was great to see you and at one point in Nashville We talked about marriage.

Here's the interchange A lot of questions in this room. We've got a hundred questions from folks in attendance Most of those had to do with marriage. When life gets busy, pastoring gets busy. You've got young kids How did you find over the years ways to invest in your wife and make your marriage a priority?

Especially in those busy years of pastoring and with young kids What do you remember from those days about how you built into Noel and your marriage? I think the biggest investment that a wife or a husband Can make in their spouse is the investment they make in their own soul Here's what I mean If you Did you get married?

all's rosy great love each other and Time goes by and you read all kinds of books and you hear a question like that And so I said, how are you investing in your wife? Like that investing in my wife. What does that even mean? investing in my wife I think it is very easy to Abstract that from your own soul Transformation so that becomes a project Marriage is the project.

I'll read another book. I'll go to another seminar. I've got to learn the right, you know love language Well, that can be that can be good but far more important is Do I go to the Lord and Invest in him and say God Make me a new person and that's not just what you pray at the beginning of your Christian life I mean if you've lived long enough and I see people older a lot of older people out here like me We know we're sinners today and I've got Soul work to do so that when I open my mouth with my wife I'm always Investing in her I'm a new person Who loves better who loves better than I did yesterday?

so at 73 I'm fighting for my marriage every day by fighting for my holiness I'm going to this book and asking not to be Unkind not to be critical. I'm asking to be love joy peace patience Goodness kindness meekness faithfulness self-control that's called happy marriage Right it and then the main the main battle is here.

It's really here even if even if there's conflict that's where the main battle is a Text that is just massively important. I think is Colossians 3 I think it's 12 and 13 and it says Endure one another in love forgiving one another Now in the old King James the words are forbear and forgive but endure Is really quite an unromantic word?

And and it's good Forgiveness is an awesome and wonderful thing every every spouse needs to make a vocation out of asking forgiveness and giving forgiveness Has to happen has to happen almost daily. I would say but here's the rub that I learned really quick She doesn't think what bothers me is a sin She's got nothing to repent of And therefore I've got nothing to forgive and I'm ticked off Now what I mean that's serious sounds funny, but guess what?

So the Bible This is a great book. This is a really good book This is a great marriage book the best marriage book there is It says Endure one another Well now just take five minutes to put flesh on that What's that mean? Now I wrote a book on marriage probably the most important thing in that book is the compost pile illustration Every marriage needs a compost pile You have any idea what a compost pile is it means you've got a really nice green backyard.

It's wonderful it's a great place to hang out and The relationship has Kooky dirty lousy no good stuff in it that neither of you considers to be sin And you could be wrong on that You build a compost pile way off in the corner and You you throw? that Habit of your spouse in the compost pile now you can camp out by a compost pile and smell the stinky stuff all night long or You can pull a curtain around it and have a picnic at the picnic table on the green grass with the woman you married While while all the compost all your junk and all her junk is in the compost pile you both know They're there, but the smell is bracketed It's just cut off and you both are looking in each other's eyes, and you're no very honestly.

There's a compost pile back there We're not gonna talk about it right now We're gonna enjoy these grandkids and we're gonna we're gonna do this barbecue and so Goodness I've got 18 things written down here. That's three of them. I really I probably what I just say and then stop is Behaviors are Late things I wrote you an email about this recently behaviors are late things early things are Soul things attitudes feelings Angers joys, and that's where the battle is fought with Jesus over your Bible So that when you get up in the morning go down to the breakfast table after a half an hour with Jesus come in terms with your own sin confessing you're able to speak up Building things let nothing come out of your mouth.

This is my wife's favorite verse I think when it comes to relationship that nothing come out of your mouth, but only what is gracious what builds up and And that's what she faults me with all the time is that you should do that better This whole episode echoes that famous Robert Murray McShane quote to pastors My people's greatest need is my personal holiness or my wife's greatest need is my personal holiness Which of course is all made possible by the atonement of Jesus Christ for me and the living Spirit of God inside of me This is one of five episodes.

We recorded in Nashville at the sing conference the third to be published in the podcast now We've already published the episode on when a pastor leaves the faith. That was episode 1379 That's online and when to stop listening to the podcast Episode 1382 and then of course today's episode what every marriage needs most It's episode 1418 that makes number three and that leaves two more to come parenting non-christian teenagers that one is scheduled for January 15th, which is a phenomenal episode if I may say so myself and Finally an episode addressing pro LGBT evangelicals later to come in 2020 but up next what are the drawbacks to Christianity as a major cultural voice?

That's my question to Pastor John next time on Friday Until then if you're willing to help us out fill out our online survey go to desiringgod.org/survey That's desiringgod.org/survey Thanks