Should I Pursue Marriage If I Doubt My Salvation?
00:00:00.000 | We open the week with a question from Vincent, a podcast listener.
00:00:09.880 | He writes in with a very good question.
00:00:12.320 | "Pastor John, can a person who doubts his salvation seek to be married, or should he
00:00:17.680 | wait until his assurance is more settled before pursuing a wife?"
00:00:22.600 | What would you say, Pastor John, to Vincent about assurance and the desire to be married?
00:00:28.760 | Desiring to be married in and of itself is a good desire.
00:00:35.600 | It can be bad, can be a bad desire, if the motives that are controlling it are bad.
00:00:41.840 | For example, if the desire to be married is not controlled by the good of the other person
00:00:49.720 | and the glory of Christ.
00:00:52.320 | If a person says, "It's not about the good of the other person, it's not about the glory
00:00:57.400 | of Christ, it's just about me and my desire for sex or companionship," then the desire
00:01:02.560 | is bad.
00:01:04.720 | So there are always big issues to settle before one can pursue a desire for marriage that
00:01:15.480 | pleases God.
00:01:17.680 | Do I love the glory of God more than my own earthly pleasures?
00:01:25.000 | That's the crucial question.
00:01:27.800 | Is the glory of God a greater pleasure to me than the pleasures that marriage offers?
00:01:35.640 | And do I love the other person, this fiancé, more than I love my own earthly pleasures?
00:01:44.720 | I mean, horrible things can happen in marriage.
00:01:48.440 | Are you just going to walk away from her if she doesn't quite give the same pleasure she
00:01:52.640 | once did?
00:01:54.400 | Do I find it more blessed to give to her than to use her for my own private good?
00:02:02.480 | Now, those are the big preliminary questions Vincent must ask.
00:02:09.880 | And the sticking point for him is that he is doubting that he is a child of God.
00:02:16.400 | He's doubting that he's justified, saved, forgiven.
00:02:21.400 | Assuming that he's talking about himself.
00:02:23.000 | He might be asking about somebody else, but I'm just going to assume that he's talking
00:02:25.840 | about himself.
00:02:26.840 | He wonders if that should check his search for a marriage partner, or maybe he's in a
00:02:33.520 | relationship and check his moving forward toward marriage.
00:02:39.080 | And I think the answer will become clear to him if he asks the question this way.
00:02:45.800 | In my doubt, will I glorify Christ by entering marriage this way?
00:02:53.120 | And will I be able to love this woman by bringing her a heart that doubts the reality of my
00:02:59.720 | salvation?
00:03:02.920 | He might see the matter even more clearly if he puts himself in her shoes.
00:03:09.360 | Should she marry a man whose heart is not sure that he's a child of God?
00:03:18.840 | My answer is that I would never counsel a Christian woman to marry a man that had this
00:03:26.380 | spiritual condition of not knowing if he's in the Lord.
00:03:32.680 | Because when Paul said to the Christian woman in 1 Corinthians 7, verse 39, "She is free
00:03:40.380 | to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord," he did not mean one may marry in
00:03:52.480 | the Lord, but also one may marry one who might be in the Lord.
00:03:58.960 | I don't think he meant "might be in the Lord" when he said "only marry in the Lord."
00:04:04.600 | So the Bible would say to this man's fiancée or future partner, "Don't marry him in
00:04:12.360 | this condition.
00:04:13.880 | You need good assurances that he is your soulmate at the most important level of existence,
00:04:21.560 | namely is he in Christ like you are in Christ?
00:04:25.280 | Is he born again?
00:04:26.400 | Is he a child of God?
00:04:27.880 | Does he live under God's authority?
00:04:31.240 | Is he committed to loving you as Christ loved the church because he's in Christ and has
00:04:38.760 | that kind of spiritual capacity?"
00:04:42.320 | And if that's God's good purpose for this woman, then Vincent, for her sake, for her
00:04:49.400 | sake should put the brakes on his relationship with her and give himself to the spiritual
00:04:58.600 | work of having the cloudiness of his spiritual vision taken away.
00:05:04.920 | That's what he should pray for.
00:05:06.800 | That's what he should pursue with all of his might.
00:05:08.800 | So let me close by just encouraging you, Vincent, with a few passages of Scripture.
00:05:15.280 | Number one, "Seek me and you will find me," God says, "when you seek me with all your
00:05:23.920 | heart."
00:05:24.920 | I want you to be encouraged that you can know.
00:05:28.520 | He will be found by you.
00:05:30.080 | Go on seeking.
00:05:32.240 | Or 1 John 5, 13—that was Jeremiah 29, 13—1 John 5, 13, "I write these things to you
00:05:40.880 | who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know, that you may know that
00:05:45.880 | you have eternal life."
00:05:48.120 | God wants you to know, not have your fingers crossed or wonder.
00:05:53.120 | And the last one would be Hosea 6, 3, "Let us know.
00:05:59.200 | Let us press on to know the Lord.
00:06:02.800 | His going out is sure as the dawn.
00:06:05.440 | He will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth."
00:06:12.440 | So make this, Vincent, make this your top priority.
00:06:16.920 | Not marriage.
00:06:17.920 | Put marriage down a level.
00:06:19.880 | Make this your top priority, and you will be glad that you settled them in that order.
00:06:27.200 | Amen.
00:06:28.200 | Thank you, Pastor John.
00:06:30.760 | Tomorrow we have an interesting question.
00:06:33.280 | "There are small bits of the New Testament that are in our Bibles but probably should
00:06:38.720 | not be there, or at least are seriously contested as to whether they should be there or not."
00:06:44.720 | And Pastor John is going to wrestle with that tomorrow.
00:06:47.040 | What does that do for our confidence in the Bible itself?
00:06:51.320 | It's just one of many great, deep, thoughtful questions that we get from listeners like
00:06:55.960 | you.
00:06:57.320 | And if you have a question for us, go to our online home at desiringgod.org/askpastorjohn,
00:07:00.040 | and you can send us an email from there.
00:07:05.040 | You can also find links to our podcast feed as well.
00:07:08.240 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke, Pastor John, and I will see you tomorrow.
00:07:11.960 | Amen.
00:07:12.960 | Amen.
00:07:12.960 | Amen.
00:07:17.960 | [BLANK_AUDIO]