We open the week with a question from Vincent, a podcast listener. He writes in with a very good question. "Pastor John, can a person who doubts his salvation seek to be married, or should he wait until his assurance is more settled before pursuing a wife?" What would you say, Pastor John, to Vincent about assurance and the desire to be married?

Desiring to be married in and of itself is a good desire. It can be bad, can be a bad desire, if the motives that are controlling it are bad. For example, if the desire to be married is not controlled by the good of the other person and the glory of Christ.

If a person says, "It's not about the good of the other person, it's not about the glory of Christ, it's just about me and my desire for sex or companionship," then the desire is bad. So there are always big issues to settle before one can pursue a desire for marriage that pleases God.

Do I love the glory of God more than my own earthly pleasures? That's the crucial question. Is the glory of God a greater pleasure to me than the pleasures that marriage offers? And do I love the other person, this fiancé, more than I love my own earthly pleasures? I mean, horrible things can happen in marriage.

Are you just going to walk away from her if she doesn't quite give the same pleasure she once did? Do I find it more blessed to give to her than to use her for my own private good? Now, those are the big preliminary questions Vincent must ask. And the sticking point for him is that he is doubting that he is a child of God.

He's doubting that he's justified, saved, forgiven. Assuming that he's talking about himself. He might be asking about somebody else, but I'm just going to assume that he's talking about himself. He wonders if that should check his search for a marriage partner, or maybe he's in a relationship and check his moving forward toward marriage.

And I think the answer will become clear to him if he asks the question this way. In my doubt, will I glorify Christ by entering marriage this way? And will I be able to love this woman by bringing her a heart that doubts the reality of my salvation? He might see the matter even more clearly if he puts himself in her shoes.

Should she marry a man whose heart is not sure that he's a child of God? My answer is that I would never counsel a Christian woman to marry a man that had this spiritual condition of not knowing if he's in the Lord. Because when Paul said to the Christian woman in 1 Corinthians 7, verse 39, "She is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord," he did not mean one may marry in the Lord, but also one may marry one who might be in the Lord.

I don't think he meant "might be in the Lord" when he said "only marry in the Lord." So the Bible would say to this man's fiancée or future partner, "Don't marry him in this condition. You need good assurances that he is your soulmate at the most important level of existence, namely is he in Christ like you are in Christ?

Is he born again? Is he a child of God? Does he live under God's authority? Is he committed to loving you as Christ loved the church because he's in Christ and has that kind of spiritual capacity?" And if that's God's good purpose for this woman, then Vincent, for her sake, for her sake should put the brakes on his relationship with her and give himself to the spiritual work of having the cloudiness of his spiritual vision taken away.

That's what he should pray for. That's what he should pursue with all of his might. So let me close by just encouraging you, Vincent, with a few passages of Scripture. Number one, "Seek me and you will find me," God says, "when you seek me with all your heart." I want you to be encouraged that you can know.

He will be found by you. Go on seeking. Or 1 John 5, 13—that was Jeremiah 29, 13—1 John 5, 13, "I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, that you may know, that you may know that you have eternal life." God wants you to know, not have your fingers crossed or wonder.

And the last one would be Hosea 6, 3, "Let us know. Let us press on to know the Lord. His going out is sure as the dawn. He will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." So make this, Vincent, make this your top priority.

Not marriage. Put marriage down a level. Make this your top priority, and you will be glad that you settled them in that order. Amen. Thank you, Pastor John. Tomorrow we have an interesting question. "There are small bits of the New Testament that are in our Bibles but probably should not be there, or at least are seriously contested as to whether they should be there or not." And Pastor John is going to wrestle with that tomorrow.

What does that do for our confidence in the Bible itself? It's just one of many great, deep, thoughtful questions that we get from listeners like you. And if you have a question for us, go to our online home at desiringgod.org/askpastorjohn, and you can send us an email from there.

You can also find links to our podcast feed as well. I'm your host, Tony Reinke, Pastor John, and I will see you tomorrow. Amen. Amen. Amen.