RPF0516-Dont_Let_Your_Pursuit_of_Money_Ruin_Your_Life
00:00:00.000 | Throughout the arc of Radical Personal Finance, I've sought to emphasize for you some themes
00:00:04.900 | that I believe are very, very important and are often underrepresented in the world of
00:00:13.280 | financial advice.
00:00:15.820 | One of those themes that I've encouraged you to continually focus on is to put money in
00:00:20.400 | its rightful place.
00:00:22.080 | Money is important, but it's not of utmost importance.
00:00:30.360 | It's not of the highest importance.
00:00:32.200 | In fact, if you were to sit down and to write down a list of the things in your life that
00:00:36.000 | are important, if you were to be honest about it, I think you'd have to put money pretty
00:00:42.660 | far down the list.
00:00:45.800 | Now the trick with money, of course, is that it influences all those other things.
00:00:48.800 | So in many ways, it doesn't even belong on the list because money is the fuel.
00:00:51.740 | It's the energy that allows so many other important things to be accomplished.
00:00:57.260 | It's engaged in part of every other aspect of life.
00:01:02.160 | But money is not of utmost importance.
00:01:07.200 | I was reminded of this over the weekend.
00:01:10.200 | I was reading my friend J.D. Roth's website, getrichslowly.org, really well-done website.
00:01:15.960 | J.D. Roth, he's been on the show, a personal friend of mine.
00:01:18.400 | He's one of the people in the world of personal finance that I most enjoy spending time with.
00:01:24.120 | He started Get Rich Slowly back in 2006 in the early days of the online financial blogosphere,
00:01:30.080 | built the site up to be one of the leading personal finance sites, sold it.
00:01:34.840 | That capitalized him to a place of being financially independent.
00:01:40.240 | He retired.
00:01:41.240 | You all know how much I love that word.
00:01:44.960 | He retired for a number of years.
00:01:46.720 | Recently, he bought the site back from the people that he sold it to and he's taken back
00:01:52.120 | over control of it and he's been steadily writing again.
00:01:56.640 | He wrote an article over the weekend called On the Importance of Putting First Things
00:01:59.960 | First.
00:02:00.960 | It's very well done.
00:02:01.960 | J.D. has a philosophical bent.
00:02:03.560 | He's well-studied in philosophy and he does a good job on discussions like this to really
00:02:10.340 | articulate the things that matter.
00:02:12.400 | I want to read you one tiny excerpt from his essay.
00:02:16.040 | Again, this is entitled On the Importance of Putting First Things First.
00:02:19.520 | He writes this, "Here's a classic example.
00:02:21.520 | Yesterday in the Financial Independence Forum on Reddit, an anonymous user posted a heartbreaking
00:02:26.240 | story about losing the love of his life because he was too focused on money, too obsessed
00:02:31.600 | with how and what, and not enough on why.
00:02:36.160 | Here's his story."
00:02:38.080 | Now we're reading the quoted post from the Reddit user.
00:02:42.720 | "I should be clear, it's because I obsessed over FI, financial independence, FI, and ignored
00:02:50.720 | my life goals.
00:02:52.900 | Together for seven years, living together for most of it, she was perfect for me and
00:02:56.440 | was also very frugal.
00:02:58.200 | I had it all.
00:02:59.840 | I read the sticky post, 'Find the life you want to live and save for it,' or whatever
00:03:05.160 | it's called, but I didn't take it to heart.
00:03:08.200 | I thought I was doing this.
00:03:10.600 | I didn't understand.
00:03:11.600 | I was so wrong.
00:03:13.640 | I was blind.
00:03:15.560 | I was living the life I wanted to, but I was ignoring the life that my partner wanted.
00:03:21.720 | I didn't spend money with her to do the things she really valued.
00:03:25.960 | I didn't buy plane tickets to go visit her family with her when she desperately wanted
00:03:30.360 | me to come.
00:03:31.360 | My whole life I said I wanted kids and then discovered FI and changed my mind because
00:03:36.400 | they were too expensive.
00:03:38.640 | I refused to buy nicer furniture for our apartment and made her embarrassed about our place and
00:03:44.400 | not comfortable in her own home.
00:03:47.400 | Over and over I made this mistake and we drifted apart.
00:03:50.940 | She wasn't asking for much, just for things she really valued.
00:03:54.920 | She is frugal.
00:03:56.680 | I was selfish and I lost sight of the fact I always wanted kids.
00:04:02.480 | I realize this all now, but it's too late.
00:04:04.600 | I told her all of this, but it's too late.
00:04:07.040 | Don't be me.
00:04:08.840 | Examine every facet of your life and think about it.
00:04:11.640 | I regret it all.
00:04:13.960 | FI ruined my life, but it's my fault, not FI's fault.
00:04:20.620 | It was my obsession.
00:04:23.000 | So here's my advice.
00:04:25.060 | Focus on the life you want to live, but compromise with your partner too because I'd trade all
00:04:29.320 | the money in my bank for that relationship back.
00:04:36.280 | And once you're in the boring middle, focus on what makes you and your family happy today.
00:04:41.040 | Don't be me.
00:04:42.760 | Don't get obsessed.
00:04:44.920 | Live in the present."
00:04:49.720 | End of quote.
00:04:54.280 | I hope you hear the pain in that post and I hope you take that pain to heart because
00:05:01.660 | wisdom ensures that you'll listen to other people's pain and avoid the causes of that
00:05:12.080 | pain.
00:05:14.400 | It's a fool who says, "I need to experience everything myself.
00:05:17.200 | I have to see everything myself.
00:05:18.440 | I have to know everything myself."
00:05:20.240 | And it's a wise man who says, "I'm going to learn from the example of others."
00:05:27.040 | Don't be a fool.
00:05:30.880 | When somebody who is obsessed and committed to financial independence writes these words,
00:05:38.800 | focus on the life you want to live, but compromise with your partner too because I'd trade all
00:05:43.920 | the money in my bank for that relationship back.
00:05:50.760 | You should pay attention.
00:05:56.280 | Now let's say that your marriage or your, I don't know what to call these relationships,
00:06:01.360 | your romantic liaison is rock solid.
00:06:07.640 | You and your romantic partner share common goals, common values, a common approach.
00:06:13.320 | Everything is great.
00:06:14.320 | My friend, that's not the only relationship in your life that matters.
00:06:20.240 | Now this is a big deal for me personally because I have this obsessive personality.
00:06:27.480 | It's very easy for me to become obsessed with things.
00:06:31.280 | When I grab onto something, I go into it as fast as possible.
00:06:35.640 | And that in some ways can be a blessing.
00:06:37.520 | It gives me the ability to do radical personal finance.
00:06:39.680 | I get interested in a subject and I go and read dozens of books on it.
00:06:42.840 | I try and search out every idea that I can.
00:06:44.560 | I chart them all out.
00:06:45.640 | I organize this little mental map that I live by and I try to go all the way to the
00:06:50.040 | extreme end of it.
00:06:52.400 | That's good, right?
00:06:53.760 | But it's also very bad because I share this obsessive personality where if I focused on
00:06:58.560 | Phi, I would do what this man did.
00:07:05.280 | I think that's part of why I have such a burden to help you and to help myself continue to
00:07:12.680 | avoid it.
00:07:16.400 | Money is easy to become obsessed about because it's so easily measured.
00:07:23.040 | And since, as we learned from Drucker, what gets measured gets managed, money can be managed
00:07:29.320 | very well.
00:07:31.640 | And because it's so easily measured and so easily managed, it's easy to obsess over the
00:07:39.080 | numbers.
00:07:41.520 | There are very few other things in life that are so intensely numerical.
00:07:51.200 | It's very hard to put the quality of your relationship with your wife or your husband
00:07:54.640 | into a spreadsheet.
00:07:58.360 | It's very hard for you to put your relationship with your children into a spreadsheet.
00:08:06.520 | You can find some metrics that are helpful.
00:08:11.400 | In the past, I tracked the number of hugs that I gave my wife per day because I realized
00:08:15.160 | I'm not hugging her enough.
00:08:16.160 | In fact, today, I'm going to say the words, I realized I'm not hugging her enough.
00:08:19.480 | I need to add more hugs to my daily schedule.
00:08:22.160 | I have to track something to build it.
00:08:25.440 | But the number of hugs that I give my wife on a daily basis doesn't actually predict
00:08:32.640 | the quality of my relationship.
00:08:36.320 | They contribute, but it's not a perfectly predictive factor.
00:08:44.240 | There are some things that are even more easily measured than the quality of relationships,
00:08:47.680 | something like your weight or your blood pressure.
00:08:50.240 | But we all know that those are not de facto guarantees of good health.
00:08:57.500 | Good health goes far beyond the numbers on a scale.
00:09:01.200 | But money is so numerical and it's easy to be obsessed over and it's easy to lose perspective.
00:09:08.360 | I beg you, do not lose perspective.
00:09:12.880 | Recognize the value of money in your life, but do not lose the perspective.
00:09:21.280 | I want to emphasize this on two levels.
00:09:23.640 | One is the level that this anonymous writer on Reddit wrote about.
00:09:29.080 | The money in your relationships here, now, in your life.
00:09:36.560 | Recognize what you may miss out on.
00:09:42.640 | Would you really trade an extra few hundred dollars or extra few thousand dollars in your
00:09:46.920 | bank account for a chance to sit down with your grandparents and hear their stories again
00:09:51.880 | face to face?
00:09:54.440 | They will be dead and gone before you know it.
00:10:02.320 | How's your relationship with your mom and dad?
00:10:08.000 | Have you taken the time to embrace them and to engage with them and to listen to them
00:10:12.600 | and to let your relationship grow?
00:10:17.340 | Some people's relationships with their parents start off good, go bad, and never change.
00:10:23.200 | Some people's relationships with their parents start good and get better throughout their
00:10:26.120 | lifetime.
00:10:27.880 | Some people's relationships start good, get bad, and then get better for the rest of their
00:10:31.720 | life.
00:10:33.320 | But it's worth spending money and time and effort and energy on those relationships.
00:10:40.800 | Go down the list.
00:10:45.680 | Think about your friends.
00:10:47.960 | Think about your family.
00:10:49.680 | Think about those you love.
00:10:52.400 | And don't prioritize your money over the people.
00:11:00.120 | That's the first level.
00:11:02.320 | I couldn't help though, of course, I think about the second level, which is to think
00:11:06.480 | from an eternal perspective.
00:11:09.760 | And I immediately thought of the account that's recorded from Jesus of the account of the
00:11:14.320 | rich man in heaven and the poor man, sorry, the rich man in hell and the poor man Lazarus.
00:11:20.480 | And I pulled out and found it in my Bible and I read it.
00:11:24.040 | And it just, to me, is so utterly important to put this into perspective.
00:11:29.480 | I want to read you this story.
00:11:31.240 | If you're not a regular Bible reader, this particular one, this particular story for
00:11:35.560 | context comes from the book of Luke.
00:11:38.280 | Book of Luke is really the only history book in the Bible from a strict sense.
00:11:43.880 | Luke was not a man who, he wasn't one of Jesus' disciples.
00:11:49.080 | He never met Jesus.
00:11:50.160 | He never knew Jesus personally.
00:11:52.360 | He was a physician who, after Jesus died and rose again and the church was founded, he
00:11:57.840 | was a physician from, and he wasn't even a Jew.
00:12:00.320 | He wasn't most of Jesus, all of Jesus' disciples were Jews in the early years, but Luke himself
00:12:05.560 | wasn't a Jew.
00:12:07.440 | He was a Syrian.
00:12:08.800 | And he, through a series of circumstances that I won't take the time to talk about here,
00:12:13.720 | he went and he started to build this history of the life of Jesus.
00:12:19.840 | And so Luke is the one who includes all of these interesting details and these things
00:12:24.000 | that aren't present in the other three gospels.
00:12:27.080 | The other three gospels were written by eyewitnesses to the life of Jesus, but Luke is different.
00:12:34.520 | Luke was a journalist.
00:12:36.200 | He was the one who went and interviewed all of the people who were around the life of
00:12:41.000 | Jesus.
00:12:42.000 | For example, the only place that we get the details of Jesus' birth in detail come from
00:12:48.560 | the book of Luke.
00:12:49.960 | And historians would generally agree that that's because Luke would have taken the time
00:12:54.240 | to go and interview Mary, the mother of Jesus.
00:12:57.000 | And she was the one who knew these details, who knew the things that had happened, who
00:13:00.200 | knew the details of the conception of Jesus, who knew the details of the cousin of Jesus,
00:13:06.160 | John the Baptist, and Elizabeth, and all of these circumstances of their early years.
00:13:11.400 | And so those all come from Luke.
00:13:13.400 | And Luke did it very, very carefully.
00:13:14.560 | He was a very precise man.
00:13:16.560 | When you're reading Luke, you get much more precise language than you read in others of
00:13:22.040 | the gospels.
00:13:23.040 | For example, Luke, especially with medical terms.
00:13:25.760 | Luke was a doctor, and so it's interesting you hear constantly this medical terminology
00:13:30.480 | when Jesus healed Peter's mother-in-law.
00:13:34.920 | The other gospel that that account is recorded in says that she had a fever.
00:13:38.120 | Luke says that she had a high fever, which is a medical terminology.
00:13:43.560 | Luke was the one who was really amazing when I studied the history of it.
00:13:47.880 | Luke was one who was very, very detailed in recording many of the healing miracles that
00:13:54.520 | Jesus did.
00:13:55.520 | He was very precise with the medical details.
00:13:57.520 | And so he records in his gospel, he records this account of Jesus preaching about the
00:14:03.480 | rich man and Lazarus.
00:14:05.920 | And this is Jesus who, remember, this is Jesus, the one who has the inside knowledge of what
00:14:13.480 | actually happens in the spirit world.
00:14:17.240 | There are many in this world who are very perceptive spiritually.
00:14:20.280 | I'm always amazed to see this perceptiveness come out.
00:14:25.040 | And there are many who have an ability to see at a deeper level.
00:14:29.120 | Just last week, a friend of mine had an encounter with a witch on the street who was just amazing,
00:14:34.760 | this woman's spiritual perception just as their family was walking by.
00:14:40.440 | But this is Jesus who's preaching and he's preaching about the rich man and Lazarus.
00:14:45.280 | I guess, forgive me, I forget that this is Radical Personal Finance and that I'm not
00:14:50.040 | preaching and so I go into too many details.
00:14:51.840 | But let me just read to you the account here.
00:14:53.640 | This is Jesus speaking.
00:14:54.640 | He says this, "There was a rich man who was clothed in purple and fine linen and who feasted
00:15:01.260 | sumptuously every day.
00:15:03.760 | And at his gate was laid a poor man named Lazarus, covered with sores, who desired to
00:15:09.640 | be fed with what fell from the rich man's table.
00:15:13.280 | Moreover, even the dogs came and licked his sores.
00:15:18.640 | The poor man died and was carried by the angels to Abraham's side.
00:15:24.060 | The rich man also died and was buried.
00:15:26.500 | And in Hades, being in torment, he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham far off and Lazarus
00:15:32.380 | at his side.
00:15:33.840 | And he called out, 'Father Abraham, have mercy on me and send Lazarus to dip the end of his
00:15:38.180 | finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am in anguish in this flame.'
00:15:43.780 | But Abraham said, 'Child, remember that you in your lifetime received your good things,
00:15:50.600 | and Lazarus and like men are bad things.
00:15:53.860 | But now he is comforted here and you are in anguish.
00:15:58.680 | And besides all this, between us and you, a great chasm has been fixed, in order that
00:16:02.940 | those who would pass from here to you may not be able, and none may cross from there
00:16:08.460 | to us.'
00:16:10.400 | And he said, 'Then I beg you, Father, to send him to my father's house, for I have five
00:16:15.000 | brothers so that he may warn them, lest they also come into this place of torment.'
00:16:20.740 | But Abraham said," one of the most chilling passages in scripture that I know of, "Abraham
00:16:26.060 | said, 'They have Moses and the prophets.
00:16:29.840 | Let them hear them.'
00:16:31.480 | Then he said, 'No, Father Abraham, but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will
00:16:36.480 | repent.'
00:16:38.800 | He said to him, 'If they do not hear Moses and the prophets, neither will they be convinced
00:16:46.620 | if someone should rise from the dead.'"
00:16:49.120 | Now I'll forego here in this context, preaching on that scripture passage for the next hour.
00:16:57.760 | And I'll just simply emphasize this.
00:17:04.200 | Your money may buy you some certain pleasures, but those pleasures may be only for a season.
00:17:19.120 | There are things that go far beyond what your money can buy for you.
00:17:25.400 | We all believe it.
00:17:26.520 | You believe that.
00:17:27.520 | I believe that.
00:17:32.120 | But we don't all manage our money in accordance with that belief.
00:17:38.360 | I recommend it to you.
00:17:43.280 | As we go, I want to play for you a song.
00:17:46.600 | It's two short songs put together.
00:17:49.840 | And I want to encourage you to think very carefully about the words of the song, because
00:17:56.800 | I was just struck at how valuable this is.
00:18:00.600 | And of course, the verse that is of most note is towards the end where it says, "Like a
00:18:07.520 | king I may live in a palace so tall, with great riches to call my own.
00:18:16.120 | But I don't know a thing in this whole wide world that's worse than being alone."
00:18:21.720 | Friend, keep your money in its proper place.
00:18:28.360 | It's very important, but it's not of utmost importance.
00:18:37.200 | Live according to that truth.
00:18:39.560 | Don't live according to the idea that your money is most important.
00:18:50.320 | There's a great danger, and it's one that we all have to constantly, constantly be reminded
00:18:57.880 | to avoid.
00:18:58.880 | Just one voice singing in the darkness.
00:18:59.880 | All it takes is one voice singing so they hear what's on your mind.
00:19:00.880 | And when you look around, you'll find there's more than one voice singing in the darkness.
00:19:26.880 | Singing in the darkness.
00:19:35.520 | Joining with your one voice.
00:19:41.120 | Each and every note, another octave, hence our joy and fears unlocked.
00:19:47.400 | If only one voice would start out on its own, we need just one voice facing the unknown.
00:20:00.120 | And then that one voice would never be alone.
00:20:05.680 | It takes that one voice, just one voice singing in the darkness.
00:20:24.240 | All it takes is one voice, shout it out and let it ring.
00:20:37.120 | Just one voice.
00:20:41.680 | It takes that one voice and everyone will see.
00:21:03.760 | Once I stood in the light with my head bowed low.
00:21:28.560 | I looked in the darkness as black as could be.
00:21:56.400 | Hold my hand all the way.
00:22:04.400 | Every hour, every day.
00:22:08.400 | From here to the great unknown.
00:22:20.400 | Take my hand, let me stand where no one stands alone.
00:22:40.400 | Like a king, I may live in a palace so tall.
00:23:02.400 | But you know a thing in this whole wide world, that's worse than being alone.
00:23:20.400 | Hold my hand all the way.
00:23:26.400 | Every hour, every day.
00:23:30.400 | From here to the great unknown.
00:23:41.400 | Take my hand, let me stand where no one stands alone.
00:24:01.400 | Take my hand, let me stand where no one stands alone.
00:24:27.400 | [Applause]
00:24:39.400 | This show is part of the Radical Life Media network of podcasts and resources.
00:24:45.400 | Find out more at RadicalLifeMedia.com