Should My Husband Pray with Me More?

00:00:00.000 | Here on the podcast, we often speak to wives with spiritually apathetic husbands.

00:00:09.520 | Episode 1315 comes to mind, "My husband is passive.

00:00:13.020 | What can I do?"

00:00:14.020 | But here's a question from a wife in an over half-century long marriage, and in this

00:00:18.360 | case the husband is not spiritually passive.

00:00:21.280 | "Dear Pastor John, I'm married to a wonderfully godly man.

00:00:24.720 | We have a strong marriage of over 50 years.

00:00:27.800 | My husband daily spends time in scripture and is a big fan of your writings.

00:00:32.360 | We pray together over meals and occasionally in particular times of need, but not regularly,

00:00:37.480 | not in the mornings or evenings.

00:00:39.520 | We've had many discussions about it.

00:00:41.520 | It would be my desire to do so.

00:00:43.800 | He feels like prayer should be personal, and when people pray together, they're focused

00:00:47.840 | on what the other one is thinking and feel to relate to God.

00:00:51.600 | I've heard various speakers and authors say a couple should pray together to strengthen

00:00:55.640 | their marriages, and I can think of many good things that are the result of praying together,

00:00:59.520 | such as feelings of intimacy, knowing my husband's heart better, and being able to encourage

00:01:04.400 | others by letting them know we're praying for them as a couple.

00:01:07.360 | But my husband says those are not reasons to pray.

00:01:11.280 | He read this question and is interested too.

00:01:13.520 | Can you help us, Pastor John?"

00:01:15.880 | Given the uniqueness of this situation, namely a long marriage, a godly man and woman, I'm

00:01:22.120 | not going to argue that you have to pray together out loud with each other.

00:01:29.160 | I'm going to argue that this husband should want to.

00:01:34.000 | That's my argument.

00:01:35.000 | I'm going to argue biblically that you should want to, not have to, want to, in view of

00:01:44.120 | the way the New Testament speaks about prayer and in view of your wife's longings.

00:01:52.640 | And I've got 10 reasons.

00:01:57.040 | I know this is a short podcast, so let's do these quickly.

00:02:00.240 | I've got 10 reasons why I think you should want to, and I'll move from the general to

00:02:09.560 | the more specific.

00:02:10.640 | Number one, Jesus taught us to pray our Father who art in heaven, not just my Father who

00:02:17.440 | is in heaven.

00:02:18.440 | His assumption seems to be that prayer will be both private, sweet encounter with God—He

00:02:28.960 | himself went away at night to pray by himself—and a group encounter with God.

00:02:36.920 | If this is true for a precious church community, a community that we care about, how much more

00:02:44.640 | should it be true, it seems to me, of a precious relationship of husband and wife?

00:02:50.160 | Number two, over and over in Paul's letters, he prays out loud, so to speak, he writes

00:02:56.200 | out loud, that they can hear and read in the presence of his friends so that they hear

00:03:02.160 | and know what he's praying for them.

00:03:05.200 | Paul doesn't merely say, "I pray for you guys," period.

00:03:09.440 | He says, "I pray for you," and then he does it.

00:03:12.280 | He does it out loud so they can read what he's praying.

00:03:16.760 | Now, that would be unnecessary, even misleading, if this were not a good idea for people we

00:03:25.080 | care about.

00:03:26.720 | Prayer is not designed merely for a vertical transaction with God.

00:03:30.880 | Let me say that again, because it seems like this man has prayer kind of in a pigeonhole

00:03:36.920 | of personal intimacy with God.

00:03:39.560 | Prayer is not designed merely for a vertical transaction with God.

00:03:44.680 | It is also designed to have a horizontal impact, else Paul wouldn't and Jesus wouldn't have

00:03:51.760 | spoken this way.

00:03:53.080 | Number three, Paul illustrates this in gatherings at Corinth by encouraging them to pray out

00:04:01.200 | loud and intelligibly in such a way that people can say, "Amen, amen," to what you just said,

00:04:08.840 | 1 Corinthians 14, 16.

00:04:10.400 | In other words, Paul cultivates a spirit of group or corporate praying precisely with

00:04:19.160 | a view to other people, hearing, listening to what you're praying, and then joining with

00:04:26.080 | you with the word, "Amen."

00:04:27.800 | Yes, I agree with that.

00:04:30.120 | And Jesus takes this right down to the level of two or three, doesn't he, in Matthew 18,

00:04:35.160 | 19, and 20.

00:04:36.760 | If two or three on earth agree about anything that they ask, it will be done for them by

00:04:43.820 | my Father in heaven, for where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am among

00:04:52.040 | them.

00:04:53.040 | And I can't imagine that it would be more fitting or more desirable for any two people

00:04:59.600 | to agree in prayer for something than the two people who live together in the closest

00:05:04.640 | bond.

00:05:06.340 | Number four, 1 Corinthians 11, 5 picture women praying and prophesying in church with culturally

00:05:16.280 | appropriate signs of submission to the church leadership.

00:05:20.120 | Now why would it be fitting and helpful for an entire gathering to hear this woman's heart

00:05:29.200 | in prayer while her husband doesn't hear her heart in prayer at home?

00:05:36.320 | Number five, most of the Psalms are prayers.

00:05:40.440 | They're not private.

00:05:41.880 | They are intended to be heard by others.

00:05:44.900 | The church has always loved it that David and Asaph and the others welcome us into their

00:05:51.800 | prayers.

00:05:52.800 | "Magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together."

00:05:59.840 | God delights in His people having the grace to exalt and having the humility to exalt

00:06:06.640 | together.

00:06:07.640 | It makes me want to ask, is there a pride problem here?

00:06:12.160 | It takes humility to expose yourself, your soul, your longings, your intimate ways of

00:06:18.440 | talking to a spouse.

00:06:19.880 | It takes humility.

00:06:20.880 | You've got to be vulnerable.

00:06:23.320 | Number six, I am glad that you pray at meals.

00:06:28.080 | I assume that you, in praying at meals, give thanks to God out loud, together, and I think

00:06:35.880 | that's fitting and beautiful.

00:06:38.380 | You could keep it private.

00:06:39.860 | Both of you could bow in silence at the table over your food.

00:06:44.380 | Why don't you?

00:06:46.320 | Because you know intuitively and from the Psalms that thanking God out loud together

00:06:54.760 | is part of how He intends to be glorified.

00:06:58.240 | I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples.

00:07:02.480 | I will sing praises to you among the nations.

00:07:06.920 | If among the nations, how much more naturally among the family, and why only at meals?

00:07:15.260 | Number seven, God teaches us to bear one another's burdens.

00:07:19.640 | Galatians 6.2, "Husbands and wives have many burdens."

00:07:24.920 | Oh my.

00:07:26.520 | Why would it be fitting to say to a spouse, "I am bearing your burden to the Lord,"

00:07:33.440 | but not let her hear you bear her burden to the Lord?

00:07:38.700 | James 5.16 says, "Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that

00:07:46.900 | you may be healed."

00:07:48.900 | Why would that be a precious experience of out loud confession and intercession with

00:07:55.200 | fellow Christians, but not with our spouse?

00:07:59.880 | Number eight, "Since a husband and a wife become one flesh, they are the most intimate

00:08:07.600 | human relationship that there is on earth.

00:08:12.440 | There is one other relationship more intimate, namely with the Lord."

00:08:18.400 | These two relationships are compared to each other in Ephesians 5.

00:08:24.200 | Neither is to be characterized by distrust of the other.

00:08:29.120 | When both are as they should be, they blend in intimacy.

00:08:35.240 | It would be a mark of defect if one of these relationships—the one with the Lord, the

00:08:40.640 | one with the spouse—if one of these relationships had secrets from the other.

00:08:46.760 | Therefore, a mark of health is when intimate communion with the Lord and intimate communion

00:08:54.960 | with the spouse blend in moments of prayer.

00:09:00.240 | Number nine, 1 Peter 3.7 says that we husbands should honor our wives as fellow heirs of

00:09:09.160 | the grace of life.

00:09:11.800 | Would not part of that honoring her as a fellow heir be an honoring her with the deepest communications

00:09:21.640 | of our heart to the Lord from whom we will both inherit eternal life?

00:09:29.880 | And number 10, "Is it not enough, brother?"

00:09:33.480 | I'm talking to you, husband, now.

00:09:35.840 | Thank you for listening and being gracious enough to let your wife inquire like this.

00:09:41.160 | "Is it not enough, dear brother, that she asks for this?"

00:09:47.520 | There are thousands of men who would give their right arm if their wives really wanted

00:09:53.880 | to pray for them.

00:09:55.120 | I mean pray with them.

00:09:57.240 | Thousands of men who would give their right arm if their wives would say what your wife

00:10:02.800 | is saying.

00:10:03.800 | Please pray with me.

00:10:05.440 | Outdo one another in showing honor.

00:10:08.040 | Honor her with this gift—it's a gift—that she's asking for.

00:10:13.720 | You are, as it were, Christ to her, and she is, as it were, the church to you.

00:10:22.440 | What would Christ say if the church said, "Would you speak to the Father with me?"

00:10:31.360 | So dear, dear friends, you are not commanded in so many words to do this, but I think you

00:10:40.160 | should want to.

00:10:41.160 | Thank you, Pastor John, for that word.

00:10:43.840 | I appreciate it.

00:10:44.840 | And thank you for joining us today.

00:10:46.600 | If you have not subscribed to Ask Pastor John yet, consider doing so in your favorite podcast

00:10:50.640 | app or in YouTube or in Spotify.

00:10:53.400 | For our episode archive or to submit a marriage question of your own, go to DesireeGod.org/AskPastorJohn.

00:11:02.120 | Well one of the dynamics of the church is that as you mature in the faith, you learn

00:11:06.600 | how to help others mature in the faith.

00:11:09.120 | We're all called to this work.

00:11:10.720 | It's called discipleship.

00:11:12.640 | So how do we become disciples?

00:11:14.560 | How do we grow into Christian sages?

00:11:17.440 | Pastor John will share one really important factor in this process.

00:11:20.440 | That's up next time on Wednesday.

00:11:22.400 | I'm your host Tony Reinke, and we'll see you then.

00:11:24.160 | [END]

00:11:24.660 | 1.

00:11:25.660 | What is the role of the Bible?

00:11:26.660 | 2.

00:11:27.660 | What role does the Bible play in your life?

00:11:28.660 | 3.

00:11:29.660 | What role does the Bible play in your life?

00:11:30.660 | 4.

00:11:31.660 | How does the Bible help you?

00:11:32.660 | 5.

Should My Husband Pray with Me More?

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