Here on the podcast, we often speak to wives with spiritually apathetic husbands. Episode 1315 comes to mind, "My husband is passive. What can I do?" But here's a question from a wife in an over half-century long marriage, and in this case the husband is not spiritually passive. "Dear Pastor John, I'm married to a wonderfully godly man.

We have a strong marriage of over 50 years. My husband daily spends time in scripture and is a big fan of your writings. We pray together over meals and occasionally in particular times of need, but not regularly, not in the mornings or evenings. We've had many discussions about it.

It would be my desire to do so. He feels like prayer should be personal, and when people pray together, they're focused on what the other one is thinking and feel to relate to God. I've heard various speakers and authors say a couple should pray together to strengthen their marriages, and I can think of many good things that are the result of praying together, such as feelings of intimacy, knowing my husband's heart better, and being able to encourage others by letting them know we're praying for them as a couple.

But my husband says those are not reasons to pray. He read this question and is interested too. Can you help us, Pastor John?" Given the uniqueness of this situation, namely a long marriage, a godly man and woman, I'm not going to argue that you have to pray together out loud with each other.

I'm going to argue that this husband should want to. That's my argument. I'm going to argue biblically that you should want to, not have to, want to, in view of the way the New Testament speaks about prayer and in view of your wife's longings. And I've got 10 reasons.

I know this is a short podcast, so let's do these quickly. I've got 10 reasons why I think you should want to, and I'll move from the general to the more specific. Number one, Jesus taught us to pray our Father who art in heaven, not just my Father who is in heaven.

His assumption seems to be that prayer will be both private, sweet encounter with God—He himself went away at night to pray by himself—and a group encounter with God. If this is true for a precious church community, a community that we care about, how much more should it be true, it seems to me, of a precious relationship of husband and wife?

Number two, over and over in Paul's letters, he prays out loud, so to speak, he writes out loud, that they can hear and read in the presence of his friends so that they hear and know what he's praying for them. Paul doesn't merely say, "I pray for you guys," period.

He says, "I pray for you," and then he does it. He does it out loud so they can read what he's praying. Now, that would be unnecessary, even misleading, if this were not a good idea for people we care about. Prayer is not designed merely for a vertical transaction with God.

Let me say that again, because it seems like this man has prayer kind of in a pigeonhole of personal intimacy with God. Prayer is not designed merely for a vertical transaction with God. It is also designed to have a horizontal impact, else Paul wouldn't and Jesus wouldn't have spoken this way.

Number three, Paul illustrates this in gatherings at Corinth by encouraging them to pray out loud and intelligibly in such a way that people can say, "Amen, amen," to what you just said, 1 Corinthians 14, 16. In other words, Paul cultivates a spirit of group or corporate praying precisely with a view to other people, hearing, listening to what you're praying, and then joining with you with the word, "Amen." Yes, I agree with that.

And Jesus takes this right down to the level of two or three, doesn't he, in Matthew 18, 19, and 20. If two or three on earth agree about anything that they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven, for where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am among them.

And I can't imagine that it would be more fitting or more desirable for any two people to agree in prayer for something than the two people who live together in the closest bond. Number four, 1 Corinthians 11, 5 picture women praying and prophesying in church with culturally appropriate signs of submission to the church leadership.

Now why would it be fitting and helpful for an entire gathering to hear this woman's heart in prayer while her husband doesn't hear her heart in prayer at home? Number five, most of the Psalms are prayers. They're not private. They are intended to be heard by others. The church has always loved it that David and Asaph and the others welcome us into their prayers.

"Magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together." God delights in His people having the grace to exalt and having the humility to exalt together. It makes me want to ask, is there a pride problem here? It takes humility to expose yourself, your soul, your longings, your intimate ways of talking to a spouse.

It takes humility. You've got to be vulnerable. Number six, I am glad that you pray at meals. I assume that you, in praying at meals, give thanks to God out loud, together, and I think that's fitting and beautiful. You could keep it private. Both of you could bow in silence at the table over your food.

Why don't you? Because you know intuitively and from the Psalms that thanking God out loud together is part of how He intends to be glorified. I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples. I will sing praises to you among the nations. If among the nations, how much more naturally among the family, and why only at meals?

Number seven, God teaches us to bear one another's burdens. Galatians 6.2, "Husbands and wives have many burdens." Oh my. Why would it be fitting to say to a spouse, "I am bearing your burden to the Lord," but not let her hear you bear her burden to the Lord? James 5.16 says, "Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed." Why would that be a precious experience of out loud confession and intercession with fellow Christians, but not with our spouse?

Number eight, "Since a husband and a wife become one flesh, they are the most intimate human relationship that there is on earth. There is one other relationship more intimate, namely with the Lord." These two relationships are compared to each other in Ephesians 5. Neither is to be characterized by distrust of the other.

When both are as they should be, they blend in intimacy. It would be a mark of defect if one of these relationships—the one with the Lord, the one with the spouse—if one of these relationships had secrets from the other. Therefore, a mark of health is when intimate communion with the Lord and intimate communion with the spouse blend in moments of prayer.

Number nine, 1 Peter 3.7 says that we husbands should honor our wives as fellow heirs of the grace of life. Would not part of that honoring her as a fellow heir be an honoring her with the deepest communications of our heart to the Lord from whom we will both inherit eternal life?

And number 10, "Is it not enough, brother?" I'm talking to you, husband, now. Thank you for listening and being gracious enough to let your wife inquire like this. "Is it not enough, dear brother, that she asks for this?" There are thousands of men who would give their right arm if their wives really wanted to pray for them.

I mean pray with them. Thousands of men who would give their right arm if their wives would say what your wife is saying. Please pray with me. Outdo one another in showing honor. Honor her with this gift—it's a gift—that she's asking for. You are, as it were, Christ to her, and she is, as it were, the church to you.

What would Christ say if the church said, "Would you speak to the Father with me?" So dear, dear friends, you are not commanded in so many words to do this, but I think you should want to. Thank you, Pastor John, for that word. I appreciate it. And thank you for joining us today.

If you have not subscribed to Ask Pastor John yet, consider doing so in your favorite podcast app or in YouTube or in Spotify. For our episode archive or to submit a marriage question of your own, go to DesireeGod.org/AskPastorJohn. Well one of the dynamics of the church is that as you mature in the faith, you learn how to help others mature in the faith.

We're all called to this work. It's called discipleship. So how do we become disciples? How do we grow into Christian sages? Pastor John will share one really important factor in this process. That's up next time on Wednesday. I'm your host Tony Reinke, and we'll see you then. 1. What is the role of the Bible?

2. What role does the Bible play in your life? 3. What role does the Bible play in your life? 4. How does the Bible help you? 5.