How Do I Love Neighbors Who Ignore Me?
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)
00:00:02.580 | - How do we love our neighbors
00:00:05.600 | when they don't really need us?
00:00:08.160 | Worse, how do we love our neighbors
00:00:09.900 | when those neighbors go out of their way to ignore us?
00:00:13.020 | It's today's question.
00:00:13.880 | Hello, Pastor John and Tony.
00:00:15.800 | This podcast has been a huge blessing in my life.
00:00:18.240 | I'm a 25 year old man.
00:00:19.640 | Last year, I moved into a new house in a new neighborhood.
00:00:22.600 | As a brother in Christ, I choose to be respectful
00:00:24.920 | and greet my neighbors first
00:00:26.060 | because I don't want them to view me as arrogant, selfish,
00:00:29.520 | or think I'm better than them.
00:00:31.680 | In scripture, Jesus says to love your neighbors yourself.
00:00:34.760 | Living in this neighborhood for almost a year now,
00:00:37.240 | I feel unwelcomed.
00:00:40.240 | I wave at my neighbors just to show I care for them.
00:00:42.820 | Instead of acknowledging me, they ignore me,
00:00:44.880 | or a couple of times, they have mocked me back.
00:00:49.080 | I began to ignore them back
00:00:50.360 | because I don't want them to steal my joy.
00:00:53.140 | Pastor John, how do I obey Jesus's command
00:00:55.360 | to love my neighbors when my neighbors basically ignore me?
00:01:00.180 | Let me say a big yes and a big no
00:01:05.180 | to a quote from this question.
00:01:10.180 | He says, "I wave at my neighbors just to show I care.
00:01:15.180 | Instead of acknowledging me, they ignore me,
00:01:20.980 | or a couple of times, they mocked me back,
00:01:24.060 | and I began to ignore them back
00:01:29.060 | because I don't want them to steal my joy."
00:01:33.880 | So here's my yes and no.
00:01:37.420 | The yes is this.
00:01:39.380 | I don't want them to steal my joy.
00:01:42.860 | Amen, amen, yes, yes.
00:01:45.980 | Absolutely don't let them steal your joy.
00:01:50.880 | Yes.
00:01:52.300 | The no is this.
00:01:54.380 | I began to ignore them back.
00:01:57.780 | No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:02:00.540 | That is not the strategy to protect
00:02:04.220 | and deepen and lengthen your joy.
00:02:08.420 | So let me say a word about the yes and the no from the Bible.
00:02:13.420 | First, the yes.
00:02:16.140 | I don't want them to steal my joy.
00:02:18.380 | I'm with you all the way, because in John 16, 22,
00:02:24.620 | Jesus said to his disciples who were sorrowful
00:02:28.220 | that he was about to leave them be crucified,
00:02:31.840 | and they didn't understand what was going on.
00:02:35.500 | He said, "You have sorrow now, but I will see you again,
00:02:40.500 | and your hearts will rejoice,
00:02:44.540 | and no one will take your joy from you."
00:02:49.540 | So yes, not gonna happen.
00:02:52.500 | Don't let it happen.
00:02:54.340 | This is a good desire and a good confidence
00:02:58.820 | and a good goal.
00:03:00.720 | A Christian's joy is rooted in Christ,
00:03:05.180 | who he is, what he's done, and that joy cannot be taken.
00:03:09.620 | It has a deeper, stronger anchor than any other joy.
00:03:14.620 | No one will take your joy from you, Jesus said.
00:03:19.980 | In fact, this deep, unshakable joy
00:03:24.980 | that's not dependent on external circumstances
00:03:29.740 | like being waved at or being insulted,
00:03:32.820 | but is anchored in the all-satisfying Christ,
00:03:36.660 | same yesterday, today, and forever,
00:03:39.340 | that joy is exactly what we have to offer our neighbors.
00:03:46.420 | Their joy rises and falls according to circumstances.
00:03:50.320 | Our joy is not like that.
00:03:53.260 | Our joy is anchored in unchangeable glory.
00:03:59.380 | We rejoice in the hope of the glory of God, Romans 5, 2.
00:04:03.400 | Therefore, even when we are sorrowful,
00:04:08.100 | which is real for Christians,
00:04:09.820 | even when we are sorrowful,
00:04:12.420 | for example, at being rejected by our neighbors,
00:04:16.200 | Paul says, "We are sorrowful, yet always rejoicing,"
00:04:21.200 | 2 Corinthians 6:10.
00:04:23.460 | Those unsociable, even hostile neighbors
00:04:28.380 | might feel to you like a thorn in your flesh.
00:04:34.180 | But here's what Paul says about thorns in his flesh.
00:04:38.460 | When he asked Jesus to take the thorn away,
00:04:41.900 | and I'm sure you have asked that,
00:04:45.660 | Jesus responded, "My grace is sufficient for you,
00:04:50.580 | "for my power is made perfect in weakness."
00:04:54.200 | And then Paul says in response,
00:04:56.860 | "I will boast all the more gladly."
00:05:01.700 | (laughs)
00:05:02.640 | Oh, Paul, "I will boast all the more gladly
00:05:06.340 | "of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ
00:05:09.800 | "may rest upon me."
00:05:11.120 | And then he adds, "For the sake of Christ, then,
00:05:13.920 | "I am content."
00:05:16.400 | So he's got gladness, he's got contentment
00:05:19.360 | with weaknesses and insults, insults.
00:05:24.160 | "For when I am weak, then am I strong."
00:05:26.200 | That's 2 Corinthians 12, nine to 10.
00:05:28.560 | So you can see that Paul absolutely
00:05:33.200 | would not let thorns rob him of his joy.
00:05:36.220 | "All the more gladly will I boast in my weaknesses.
00:05:40.760 | "I am content with insults,
00:05:44.680 | "with neighbors who ignore me or ridicule me."
00:05:47.840 | That's a miracle.
00:05:48.840 | We gotta pray for that miracle in our lives.
00:05:50.760 | So yes, yes, yes, don't let anyone rob you
00:05:55.000 | of your Christ-exalting joy.
00:05:57.560 | Now, a word about the no.
00:05:59.160 | The strategy of returning ignoring for ignoring,
00:06:04.880 | or insult for insult, is not gonna work, period.
00:06:09.480 | No, that's not the way Jesus designed for you
00:06:13.520 | to protect your joy.
00:06:14.920 | We do it.
00:06:16.700 | I know the feeling.
00:06:18.100 | I just run away from those things that take my joy.
00:06:21.400 | No, that's not the solution if love is at stake.
00:06:24.720 | Just the opposite.
00:06:25.600 | If you join them in their strategies,
00:06:28.920 | the reward you will get is the pleasures they get.
00:06:34.060 | And you'll hear Jesus say, "You have your reward."
00:06:38.000 | And that's that.
00:06:39.720 | Of course, there is a kind of pleasure.
00:06:42.040 | There is.
00:06:43.020 | In returning insult for insult and ignoring for ignoring,
00:06:46.160 | there is a sinful pleasure.
00:06:48.660 | And it's a real pleasure in feeling
00:06:51.240 | like you've had the last word,
00:06:52.800 | or feeling like you're so above the other people's criticism
00:06:55.600 | that you don't even feel it.
00:06:57.420 | There you go.
00:06:58.560 | You may insult me, I don't feel it.
00:07:00.480 | So there.
00:07:01.600 | That's not a Christian strategy.
00:07:03.320 | That's a Stoic strategy for maintaining joy.
00:07:07.920 | Here's Paul's strategy.
00:07:09.920 | 1 Corinthians 4.12.
00:07:12.000 | When reviled, we bless.
00:07:15.120 | When persecuted, we endure.
00:07:18.480 | When slandered, we entreat.
00:07:22.120 | Or he might say, when ignored, we smile and wave.
00:07:28.440 | Now, how can that be a strategy for joy?
00:07:33.360 | Because Jesus said in Acts 20.35,
00:07:36.800 | "It is more blessed to give than to receive."
00:07:40.680 | There is a pleasure in receiving greetings.
00:07:43.360 | It's good, it's beautiful.
00:07:44.960 | We want it.
00:07:46.420 | But Jesus says there's a deeper pleasure
00:07:48.740 | in giving greetings.
00:07:50.160 | I remember 48 years ago,
00:07:54.760 | when I was working on my dissertation,
00:07:56.880 | my doctoral dissertation on Jesus' command
00:07:59.720 | to love your enemies.
00:08:01.360 | And I read articles and books on loving your enemies.
00:08:05.520 | And there was this constant effort
00:08:08.280 | to resist individualizing enemy love
00:08:13.280 | and the desire to turn it into
00:08:15.760 | not nitty gritty practical little daily things,
00:08:19.640 | but big social issues of the day.
00:08:22.600 | That's where enemy love really counts.
00:08:25.080 | And I remember responding in one of those interchanges
00:08:29.040 | that I had by simply pointing to Matthew 5.47.
00:08:34.240 | I mean, texts are wonderful.
00:08:36.080 | (both laughing)
00:08:38.000 | In debate with other.
00:08:40.640 | So I just went to Matthew 5.47,
00:08:43.200 | where Jesus illustrates what he means
00:08:46.520 | by love your enemies with this sentence.
00:08:49.820 | "If you greet only your brothers,
00:08:54.360 | what are you doing more than others?
00:08:57.000 | Do not even the Gentiles do the same?"
00:08:59.960 | That conversation was over.
00:09:02.440 | (both laughing)
00:09:03.600 | Like greeting your enemy as you pass him on the street
00:09:08.600 | with a smile and a hello
00:09:12.440 | is not exactly your great social issue of the day.
00:09:15.700 | (laughs)
00:09:17.280 | It just happens to be tremendously important
00:09:20.060 | in the mind of Jesus.
00:09:21.360 | Why?
00:09:22.180 | Because it reveals our hearts.
00:09:25.080 | So I would say to our 25 year old friend
00:09:28.480 | in his new neighborhood,
00:09:30.120 | don't grow weary in well-doing.
00:09:33.040 | And the more your neighbors feel like enemies,
00:09:35.600 | the more you should love them the way Jesus said.
00:09:39.600 | And one of those ways is greeting.
00:09:42.000 | If you only greet those who greet you,
00:09:44.480 | how are you acting like a son of God
00:09:46.640 | and not just like everybody else?
00:09:49.280 | And let me just add one more practical suggestion.
00:09:52.280 | These greetings and other little kindnesses
00:09:55.840 | that you may do thanklessly
00:09:59.040 | may feel to you like throwing money down a rat hole,
00:10:02.720 | but if you manifest the compassion of Christ
00:10:07.520 | and the steadfast goodwill of Christ over time,
00:10:11.600 | what might happen is that when crisis or tragedy
00:10:16.600 | strikes one of your neighbors,
00:10:19.800 | you may be the one they turn to.
00:10:22.360 | So be alert to the moment when they're not so cocky
00:10:26.960 | because all is going well.
00:10:30.280 | Instead, they're hurting because something terrible
00:10:34.440 | just happened in their lives.
00:10:37.120 | And then they may turn to you
00:10:39.560 | because you may seem to them
00:10:42.720 | to be somebody who might care.
00:10:45.000 | Who knows how many small evidences of grace like greetings
00:10:50.840 | become the very thing,
00:10:54.120 | the door through which they might welcome you
00:10:57.880 | into their lives.
00:10:59.760 | Amen.
00:11:00.600 | I've actually seen that very thing happen
00:11:01.920 | in my own neighborhood twice recently.
00:11:04.040 | Thank you, Pastor John.
00:11:04.880 | Thank you for joining us today.
00:11:06.080 | You can ask a question of your own.
00:11:07.440 | You can search our growing archive
00:11:09.000 | or subscribe to the podcast,
00:11:10.080 | all at desiringgod.org/askpastorjohn.
00:11:14.120 | While the great C.S. Lewis once called purgatory
00:11:17.640 | a self-confirming reality,
00:11:20.160 | purgatory is just logical.
00:11:22.160 | We all must get cleaned up before we enter into eternity.
00:11:26.320 | Well, no, it's not such a logical conclusion after all.
00:11:29.840 | We're gonna look at purgatory
00:11:31.160 | and how C.S. Lewis got it wrong next time
00:11:34.200 | when we return on Monday.
00:11:36.120 | It's an important topic.
00:11:37.480 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.
00:11:38.320 | We'll see you back here on the other side of the weekend.
00:11:40.320 | Thanks for listening.
00:11:41.360 | (upbeat music)
00:11:43.940 | (upbeat music)
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