My Faith Is Driving My Family Away — What Do I Do?
00:00:00.000 | An anonymous woman writes to ask, "My life as a Christian seems to be causing a greater
00:00:11.360 | and greater divide with my unsaved husband and young adult children.
00:00:15.680 | How do I stay faithful to God and live peacefully with my family?
00:00:18.600 | I've been praying for their salvation for years."
00:00:21.520 | Pastor John, what would you say?
00:00:22.840 | Well, there aren't any pains in life greater than the pain of family pain and children
00:00:30.880 | pain and marriage pain.
00:00:33.480 | I've often said in the ministry to Noel, "You know, if you're happy at home, Noel, I can
00:00:40.240 | endure anything at church."
00:00:42.680 | And I think that's the way a lot of spouses feel.
00:00:45.800 | Like if work is bringing them misery or if society is bringing them misery and they have
00:00:51.920 | a place to go at home where there's peace and harmony, they can almost stand anything.
00:00:57.760 | But if the home is broken, then where do you turn?
00:01:01.920 | So I totally resonate with the urgency and the pain of these kinds of situations.
00:01:10.040 | So the first thing that comes to my mind is that Jesus said, "It's going to be this way
00:01:15.400 | for some of us."
00:01:16.900 | In Matthew 10, "I did not come, do not think I came to bring peace on the earth.
00:01:21.640 | I came to bring a sword."
00:01:23.440 | And then he illustrated that by saying, "A man is going to be turned against his son
00:01:28.560 | and a daughter against her mother and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.
00:01:32.840 | Your enemies will be those of your own household."
00:01:35.840 | So what this woman is experiencing was totally foreseen by Jesus.
00:01:42.560 | And he says, "It's just going to happen."
00:01:44.880 | As the gospel enters into the world, it doesn't always neatly save couples.
00:01:51.080 | It saves one half of the couple.
00:01:53.200 | It saves a son or it saves an uncle.
00:01:56.280 | And then there's pain, then there's division as tension begins to happen.
00:02:04.040 | The text that addresses her situation most clearly, of course, is 1 Peter 3, where you
00:02:09.960 | have Peter very concerned to help a wife who's been saved and her husband is not with her
00:02:19.520 | in this.
00:02:20.740 | And as I've reflected on that text, the center of it seems to be to tell her that
00:02:29.320 | the holy women of old, giving her an example, hoped in God.
00:02:35.880 | And he was contrasting it with hoping in flirting or hoping in fixing her hair a certain way
00:02:43.720 | or hoping in being sexy enough for her husband.
00:02:47.280 | A woman who wants to win her husband, it's saying, "Don't put your eggs in that basket."
00:02:54.020 | And I don't think that means she should let herself go and not be pretty and not be attractive,
00:02:59.360 | but rather it says, "Focus your attention on hoping in God."
00:03:05.300 | And the fruits of that that it spells out for a wife who's in a situation like this
00:03:10.540 | is that hope, that resting in the great sovereign goodness and grace and omnipotence and wisdom
00:03:19.860 | of God is she'll have a quiet spirit, she'll be still and know that he is God, she won't
00:03:26.940 | be anxious, she'll have a gentle spirit, I don't think she'll be panicked, she won't
00:03:32.220 | become manipulative, she won't be forceful or demanding, the family won't experience
00:03:38.720 | her as a tyrant, they'll experience, "Mom seems quietly content in her spirit, she seems
00:03:46.340 | to have a sweet peace over her."
00:03:50.700 | The third thing it says is that she'll do good, that means she'll be a servant, and
00:03:55.500 | I think in the home you get an example of, "Let your light shine before men that they
00:04:01.140 | may see your good deeds."
00:04:02.540 | So this is an application to a believing wife, to an unbelieving family, "Let them see
00:04:08.460 | your good deeds, serve them faithfully in all the ways that a wife and a mom can."
00:04:16.380 | And the last thing it says is, "And don't be afraid of any fear."
00:04:21.340 | So they're going to see mom as unbelievably strong, she's got a fearlessness about her,
00:04:28.500 | she can laugh at the future like Proverbs 31 says about the godly woman, and it struck
00:04:35.500 | me as remarkable that when 1 Peter says in chapter 3 verse 15, which is a little bit
00:04:41.980 | later, it says, "Always be ready to give an answer for the people who ask you about
00:04:47.380 | the hope that is in you."
00:04:49.340 | Well why would they even ask a mom about the hope that is in her?
00:04:54.300 | And the answer is because they've seen a kind of quiet, gentle, serving, fearless strength
00:05:02.580 | in this mom.
00:05:04.620 | She's brokenhearted in one sense, and yet God the Holy Spirit is giving her grace through
00:05:09.380 | the hope of the gospel to press on in all these attractive ways.
00:05:14.940 | So my counsel to her would be to trust Him, trust the Lord Jesus to give you your heart's
00:05:23.620 | desire as you make Him your heart's desire.
00:05:28.220 | I know that's a little tricky, because the Bible says, "Delight yourself in the Lord
00:05:32.860 | and He'll give you the desires of your heart," Psalm 37, verse 4.
00:05:36.300 | And so I'm saying, trust Him to give you the desires of your heart as you more and more
00:05:41.820 | make Him the desire of your heart.
00:05:44.220 | And I know the desire of her heart is the conversion of her husband and the conversion
00:05:47.820 | of her kids, and I'm saying trust Him like that, to give you the desire of your heart
00:05:53.060 | as you make Him more and more the desire of your heart.
00:05:57.380 | And then look to Jesus as He says, "Look, if you being evil, Mom, know how to give good
00:06:02.740 | things to your children and your husband, your Heavenly Father will give good things
00:06:08.380 | to you when you ask Him."
00:06:10.620 | Thank you, Pastor John, and thank you for listening to this podcast.
00:06:14.220 | Please email your questions to us at AskPastorJohn@DesiringGod.org.
00:06:18.380 | At DesiringGod.org you will find thousands of other free resources from John Piper.
00:06:22.260 | I'm your host Tony Reinke.
00:06:23.260 | Thanks for listening.
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