An anonymous woman writes to ask, "My life as a Christian seems to be causing a greater and greater divide with my unsaved husband and young adult children. How do I stay faithful to God and live peacefully with my family? I've been praying for their salvation for years." Pastor John, what would you say?

Well, there aren't any pains in life greater than the pain of family pain and children pain and marriage pain. I've often said in the ministry to Noel, "You know, if you're happy at home, Noel, I can endure anything at church." And I think that's the way a lot of spouses feel.

Like if work is bringing them misery or if society is bringing them misery and they have a place to go at home where there's peace and harmony, they can almost stand anything. But if the home is broken, then where do you turn? So I totally resonate with the urgency and the pain of these kinds of situations.

So the first thing that comes to my mind is that Jesus said, "It's going to be this way for some of us." In Matthew 10, "I did not come, do not think I came to bring peace on the earth. I came to bring a sword." And then he illustrated that by saying, "A man is going to be turned against his son and a daughter against her mother and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.

Your enemies will be those of your own household." So what this woman is experiencing was totally foreseen by Jesus. And he says, "It's just going to happen." As the gospel enters into the world, it doesn't always neatly save couples. It saves one half of the couple. It saves a son or it saves an uncle.

And then there's pain, then there's division as tension begins to happen. The text that addresses her situation most clearly, of course, is 1 Peter 3, where you have Peter very concerned to help a wife who's been saved and her husband is not with her in this. And as I've reflected on that text, the center of it seems to be to tell her that the holy women of old, giving her an example, hoped in God.

And he was contrasting it with hoping in flirting or hoping in fixing her hair a certain way or hoping in being sexy enough for her husband. A woman who wants to win her husband, it's saying, "Don't put your eggs in that basket." And I don't think that means she should let herself go and not be pretty and not be attractive, but rather it says, "Focus your attention on hoping in God." And the fruits of that that it spells out for a wife who's in a situation like this is that hope, that resting in the great sovereign goodness and grace and omnipotence and wisdom of God is she'll have a quiet spirit, she'll be still and know that he is God, she won't be anxious, she'll have a gentle spirit, I don't think she'll be panicked, she won't become manipulative, she won't be forceful or demanding, the family won't experience her as a tyrant, they'll experience, "Mom seems quietly content in her spirit, she seems to have a sweet peace over her." The third thing it says is that she'll do good, that means she'll be a servant, and I think in the home you get an example of, "Let your light shine before men that they may see your good deeds." So this is an application to a believing wife, to an unbelieving family, "Let them see your good deeds, serve them faithfully in all the ways that a wife and a mom can." And the last thing it says is, "And don't be afraid of any fear." So they're going to see mom as unbelievably strong, she's got a fearlessness about her, she can laugh at the future like Proverbs 31 says about the godly woman, and it struck me as remarkable that when 1 Peter says in chapter 3 verse 15, which is a little bit later, it says, "Always be ready to give an answer for the people who ask you about the hope that is in you." Well why would they even ask a mom about the hope that is in her?

And the answer is because they've seen a kind of quiet, gentle, serving, fearless strength in this mom. She's brokenhearted in one sense, and yet God the Holy Spirit is giving her grace through the hope of the gospel to press on in all these attractive ways. So my counsel to her would be to trust Him, trust the Lord Jesus to give you your heart's desire as you make Him your heart's desire.

I know that's a little tricky, because the Bible says, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He'll give you the desires of your heart," Psalm 37, verse 4. And so I'm saying, trust Him to give you the desires of your heart as you more and more make Him the desire of your heart.

And I know the desire of her heart is the conversion of her husband and the conversion of her kids, and I'm saying trust Him like that, to give you the desire of your heart as you make Him more and more the desire of your heart. And then look to Jesus as He says, "Look, if you being evil, Mom, know how to give good things to your children and your husband, your Heavenly Father will give good things to you when you ask Him." Thank you, Pastor John, and thank you for listening to this podcast.

Please email your questions to us at AskPastorJohn@DesiringGod.org. At DesiringGod.org you will find thousands of other free resources from John Piper. I'm your host Tony Reinke. Thanks for listening.