Why Christian Singles Are Marrying Later
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)
00:00:02.580 | We're back with Francis Chan,
00:00:06.720 | who was kind enough to join us today and tomorrow.
00:00:09.540 | And Francis and his wife, Lisa,
00:00:11.360 | are the authors of the new book,
00:00:12.600 | You and Me Forever, Marriage in Light of Eternity.
00:00:15.960 | And as you know, Francis,
00:00:17.200 | men and women are postponing marriage later and later.
00:00:20.100 | Even among Christians in the church,
00:00:21.480 | this trend is happening,
00:00:22.680 | among couples with the full intent
00:00:25.200 | of eventually getting married.
00:00:26.760 | So what is this trend doing to the church,
00:00:29.160 | and what is it doing to the institution
00:00:31.960 | of Christian marriage?
00:00:33.360 | I believe that at least 90% of those
00:00:38.240 | who are postponing, postponing,
00:00:40.640 | they're already sleeping together.
00:00:43.760 | So they don't see a big need to rush.
00:00:46.320 | There's no sense of, oh, I wanna get married,
00:00:48.520 | you know, to really consummate this.
00:00:50.940 | I mean, there's so much immorality in the church,
00:00:53.380 | and it's disgusting.
00:00:54.920 | I mean, people need to know that God hates that.
00:00:58.120 | Don't fool yourself.
00:01:00.000 | We're gonna get married anyway at some point,
00:01:03.080 | and we're in love, and this or that.
00:01:06.200 | And it's like, no, you don't understand.
00:01:08.320 | You're a temple of the Holy Spirit.
00:01:10.560 | You're a member of Christ,
00:01:11.880 | and you're joining yourself basically to a prostitute.
00:01:14.760 | You're entering in a union
00:01:17.400 | that God wants nothing to do with.
00:01:20.080 | It's immoral.
00:01:21.080 | And I believe there's more and more of that in the church.
00:01:25.000 | It's becoming more and more acceptable,
00:01:27.380 | and it is still just as heinous in God's eyes
00:01:30.600 | as it's always been.
00:01:32.080 | And so don't fool yourself.
00:01:33.640 | I really do believe that that's the main reason
00:01:36.920 | why people are okay to postpone,
00:01:38.680 | because sexually they're exploring and messing around
00:01:43.480 | and dishonoring God,
00:01:45.440 | and it's destroying the church in so many ways,
00:01:47.840 | 'cause now they feel guilty,
00:01:49.840 | that they don't feel like they can be used by the Lord.
00:01:53.640 | And honestly, because of their unrepentant heart,
00:01:56.280 | their prayers aren't being answered.
00:01:58.020 | And so I don't know if that's probably not the answer
00:02:00.820 | you're looking for.
00:02:02.060 | But the other thing I will say too is
00:02:04.580 | I think some of the postponing of marriage
00:02:07.180 | is they're not seeing a lot of marriages
00:02:10.020 | they want to become like.
00:02:11.940 | And so often you see these singles
00:02:14.480 | that are radically on fire for the Lord and serving him,
00:02:18.160 | and then they get married.
00:02:19.540 | And once people get married,
00:02:21.300 | either they spend all their days enjoying each other
00:02:24.000 | and neglecting the mission,
00:02:25.980 | or they start fighting with each other
00:02:27.920 | and they're counseling all the time
00:02:29.660 | and ignoring the mission.
00:02:31.140 | And so it doesn't seem really exciting
00:02:33.940 | to either idolize your family to the neglect of the mission
00:02:37.880 | or to be in such a desperate state of
00:02:41.740 | just trying to get along
00:02:43.660 | that you're not really accomplishing anything
00:02:45.660 | for the kingdom.
00:02:46.500 | So that's another reason.
00:02:48.020 | I don't wanna make it all about immorality,
00:02:50.740 | although I do believe that
00:02:55.020 | we're not doing so well in the area of purity
00:02:57.460 | within the church.
00:02:58.300 | - Yeah, talk more about marriage on mission.
00:03:01.100 | But maybe first, how old were you when you were married?
00:03:03.980 | - I was 26 and Lisa was 22.
00:03:08.260 | And we were both virgins when we got married.
00:03:11.500 | Three, two or three weeks into the marriage,
00:03:14.260 | I looked at her and I said,
00:03:16.100 | I know we've never talked about this,
00:03:17.760 | but suddenly I feel like God wants me to start a church.
00:03:21.380 | And this would mean, if it's okay,
00:03:24.300 | you work and support us, if that's all right,
00:03:28.300 | 'cause I don't wanna take any money from the church.
00:03:30.060 | I don't even know if anyone's gonna show up.
00:03:32.860 | So that's how our marriage started,
00:03:36.020 | was like, let's gather some people in the home,
00:03:38.060 | let's start the church.
00:03:39.240 | And eventually that became Cornerstone Church
00:03:41.820 | and ended up shepherding there for 17 years.
00:03:45.700 | - That is marriage on mission.
00:03:47.500 | How would you explain this conviction from the Bible?
00:03:50.820 | - I would just turn to 1 Corinthians 7
00:03:54.380 | and just explain from scripture
00:03:57.660 | what Paul is saying there about how marriage
00:04:01.420 | has the potential of distracting us
00:04:04.140 | from this undistracted devotion to the Lord
00:04:07.760 | and how he tells the married couples,
00:04:10.500 | hey, those who are married live as though you are not.
00:04:14.340 | What's he talking about there?
00:04:16.300 | Why would the apostle Paul,
00:04:17.620 | whose husbands love your wives,
00:04:20.380 | also say, hey, those who are married
00:04:22.820 | should live as though they're not?
00:04:24.500 | There's also another truth that there's something bigger
00:04:27.780 | than you just enjoying each other.
00:04:30.020 | The time is short, and that's why he says,
00:04:31.900 | those who are married live as though you're not.
00:04:34.500 | If you got a bunch of property, pretend you don't.
00:04:37.060 | It's just like there's something bigger
00:04:39.540 | than the two of you.
00:04:41.140 | And if you just spend your days enjoying each other,
00:04:45.420 | you're gonna miss out on something greater.
00:04:47.540 | And you also don't wanna set that example for your kids.
00:04:50.340 | And it's also unbiblical.
00:04:52.700 | - Thank you, Francis.
00:04:53.660 | I have one more question for you.
00:04:55.620 | A tricky parenting question that ever presses for clarity
00:04:58.740 | in many of our homes.
00:04:59.780 | And I wanna know if you and Lisa have guidelines
00:05:02.340 | for how much time your kids invest in digital technology
00:05:05.220 | and entertainment and video games.
00:05:07.460 | That's tomorrow with our guest, Francis Chan.
00:05:09.700 | I'm your host, Tony Renke.
00:05:10.900 | Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast.
00:05:14.060 | (upbeat music)
00:05:16.660 | (upbeat music)
00:05:19.260 | [BLANK_AUDIO]