Is My Boyfriend’s Video-Game Addiction a Marriage Deal-Breaker?

00:00:00.000 | [Music]

00:00:05.000 | Happy Friday everyone. We have a lot of questions coming in now about video games as you might expect Pastor John.

00:00:11.000 | Here's one from a listener named Elizabeth who writes in and says, "Pastor John, I'm engaged to be married to a man who is addicted to video games.

00:00:19.000 | He says he wants to stop but his life shows very little fruit and he keeps playing games.

00:00:24.000 | Should I go on with this engagement or not? How should Elizabeth think about this, Pastor John?"

00:00:30.000 | Well, we've been here before, haven't we? Being put in a position to tell women whether or not to marry somebody.

00:00:39.000 | Oh my, I feel so, I don't take this lightly at all. I really don't.

00:00:44.000 | I will give a yes or no answer to this question should I go through with this engagement.

00:00:49.000 | But before I do, let me ask Elizabeth five questions.

00:00:54.000 | Number one, have you considered the implications of 1 Corinthians 6, 12?

00:01:00.000 | All things are lawful for me. That includes video games, I think.

00:01:05.000 | All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful.

00:01:09.000 | All things are lawful for me, but I will not be dominated by anything.

00:01:17.000 | Now that word "dominated," "exousias theisomai," that's one long Greek word, "I will not be dominated," is a strong word.

00:01:26.000 | It means nothing will have authority over me. It reminds us of Jesus' final words on the earth.

00:01:33.000 | "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given me. Go make disciples."

00:01:36.000 | That is, call people out from under every alien authority because you have my authority

00:01:43.000 | and they should submit to my authority because I'm the strongest authority on the planet.

00:01:49.000 | And we call them out of demonic oppression and horrific false religions,

00:01:54.000 | and nothing is to be enslaving, even the most subtle temptations of video games.

00:02:03.000 | Jesus calls us not just to be forgiven, not just to profess faith,

00:02:09.000 | but to experience him as the one with all authority, breaking the powers that hold us captive.

00:02:15.000 | It's a serious thing to be held in bondage by anything but Christ.

00:02:23.000 | We've all been bought by Christ's blood for freedom. For freedom he has set you free.

00:02:31.000 | Do not submit again to a yoke of bondage, any kind of bondage.

00:02:35.000 | Christ has set you free, and we dishonor the blood price of that liberation if we don't experience it.

00:02:44.000 | Question number two. What does it say about your fiancé's elevation of mind

00:02:50.000 | that he is enslaved by something as trivial and banal as games?

00:02:55.000 | And I use the word "elevation of mind" because of Colossians 3.1.

00:03:01.000 | "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above," elevated,

00:03:08.000 | where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.

00:03:12.000 | Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on the earth.

00:03:17.000 | In other words, the mature Christian mind is elevated.

00:03:21.000 | Increasingly, our minds are taken up into great and glorious and beautiful God-like things.

00:03:29.000 | This means that the mind addicted to something as trivial and unimportant as games is out of touch with reality.

00:03:37.000 | These preoccupations are not only unimportant, they're unreal.

00:03:42.000 | Christ has saved our minds to be set on the most real and the most important things in the world.

00:03:52.000 | That's question number two. What about his elevation of mind?

00:03:56.000 | Number three, if your fiancé can't control his behaviors in this area, will he be able to control them in other areas?

00:04:04.000 | Jesus said in Luke 16.10, "One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much,

00:04:12.000 | and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much."

00:04:18.000 | Now, marriage is a massive commitment for a woman and a man.

00:04:23.000 | There is no back door.

00:04:26.000 | That's why the disciples were stunned at Jesus' teaching about divorce, and they said, "Well, then who should marry, for goodness sakes?"

00:04:33.000 | And Jesus said, "Well, it's not given to everyone. Maybe you shouldn't."

00:04:37.000 | God gives grace to husbands and wives to deal with the disappointments that always come

00:04:43.000 | when we discover things about our spouses that we didn't know would come, and they will.

00:04:47.000 | They'll always come. If they haven't come yet, they will.

00:04:50.000 | But at the front end, before you are married, be as wise as you can be so that you don't make a covenant with a man

00:05:00.000 | who gives little evidence of his ability to control himself.

00:05:06.000 | Question number four, will this man be able to lead you in the way that Ephesians 5 describes as your head?

00:05:14.000 | Headship means going ahead and doing many hard things that a family needs a husband to do.

00:05:21.000 | Doing hard things, which is what headship always involves, means denying immediate gratification of one of the—

00:05:31.000 | and then pursuing the desire of some long-term joy in obedience and love and sacrifice and helpfulness.

00:05:38.000 | If he cannot deny himself a video game, will he be able to deny himself things for the good of the family?

00:05:49.000 | Will he be able to get up from the television?

00:05:53.000 | Will he be able to leave his hobby in the garage?

00:05:56.000 | Will he be able to put his book down?

00:05:58.000 | Will he be able to leave his computer and lead the family in Bible reading and prayer?

00:06:03.000 | Or will he just be stuck?

00:06:05.000 | He's not leaving his TV, he's not leaving his computer, he's not leaving his garage.

00:06:09.000 | It doesn't matter whether the family is perishing in the living room or not if he has no self-denial and no self-control.

00:06:17.000 | Number five, will he be exemplary for the children?

00:06:22.000 | Children don't just learn what they're told, they learn what they see.

00:06:27.000 | And they will see what daddy defaults to, and that will be seen as his God.

00:06:33.000 | So, my answer to Elizabeth is no.

00:06:37.000 | Unless you see some significant character growth and freedom for greater things than games, I would not move forward in that relationship.

00:06:50.000 | Thank you, Pastor John.

00:06:52.000 | And a while back we published an article titled "Fake Love, Fake War," and it was written by Russell Moore, which you can find at the DesiringGod.org website.

00:07:01.000 | It picks up on some of these related themes.

00:07:03.000 | And also see episode number 122, which is titled "Is My Boyfriend's Porn a Marriage Deal Breaker?"

00:07:10.000 | It's always great to hear from listeners.

00:07:12.000 | If you have a question, please email it in to us at AskPastorJohn@DesiringGod.org

00:07:17.000 | and visit us online at DesiringGod.org to find thousands of books, articles, sermons, and other resources from John Piper, all free of charge.

00:07:25.000 | We have a new week ahead and a new list of questions queued up for Pastor John.

00:07:30.000 | I'm your host Tony Reinke. We'll see you on Monday.

00:07:32.000 | [end]

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Is My Boyfriend’s Video-Game Addiction a Marriage Deal-Breaker?

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