When Do We Intervene in Other People’s Conflicts?

00:00:00.000 | Well, the Bible calls Christians to make peace, to be peacemakers.

00:00:08.780 | It means that we are called to the very uncomfortable ministry of entering ourselves into the conflicts

00:00:14.540 | of others.

00:00:16.260 | So when do we enter into a situation?

00:00:18.860 | That's the question from a listener named Ryan.

00:00:20.580 | Hello, Pastor John.

00:00:21.580 | I just want to thank you so much for this podcast.

00:00:24.380 | It and many of the resources at DesiringGod.org have become a very important part of my Christian

00:00:29.020 | growth.

00:00:30.020 | My question for you is when, if ever, should we intervene in the divisions between two

00:00:33.980 | people in our local church?

00:00:36.320 | If we see two Christians who do not appear to be seeking a better relationship and only

00:00:40.580 | continue to distance themselves from each other, is there a point that it becomes necessary

00:00:45.960 | for other Christians to intervene?

00:00:48.820 | And at what point?

00:00:49.820 | I've been praying about the two individuals I'm thinking of, but are there any further

00:00:53.400 | actions laid out in the Bible?

00:00:55.700 | How have you done this yourself?

00:00:57.780 | I was talking to a friend just last night about how good it is when our adult children

00:01:05.820 | come home with their families for Thanksgiving or Christmas or just to visit, and we were

00:01:12.380 | observing that sometimes there are tensions or differences that have come between us and

00:01:18.660 | our kids, and we have to let those adult children be their own people and be glad if they're

00:01:27.460 | just willing to come home and be with us and be civil and gracious.

00:01:33.720 | And he said, my friend that I was talking to said, that he knew one family that for

00:01:40.100 | generations seemed to handle all their disagreements and frustrations by long periods of silence

00:01:47.140 | and ostracism and estrangement.

00:01:50.460 | In other words, instead of finding some way to get along in spite of past hurts and present

00:01:55.820 | frustrations or political or religious differences, instead, they just didn't talk to each other

00:02:02.340 | for decades.

00:02:04.380 | One father would exclude a child from any communication for years, and a sister wouldn't

00:02:08.700 | talk to a brother for years, and a father wouldn't let the family go to a mother-in-law

00:02:14.580 | to their house for years.

00:02:16.500 | And he observed that this was simply the way they had learned to deal with conflict.

00:02:21.540 | And so it went on from generation to generation.

00:02:25.260 | Now, the reason I begin with that anecdote is simply to illustrate that we probably should

00:02:33.460 | take into account when trying to help someone be reconciled to another, lots of different

00:02:40.700 | factors that may make it harder for them to get reconciled than it may seem to us.

00:02:49.380 | And we should be ready to have significant, deeper, extended conversations that may be

00:02:58.220 | difficult about the causes of the alienation than may appear on the surface.

00:03:05.740 | There's a passage in 1 Thessalonians 5.14 that shaped the way I have thought pastorally

00:03:12.460 | about such situations.

00:03:14.140 | It goes like this, "We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the faint-hearted,

00:03:22.060 | help the weak, be patient with them all."

00:03:25.180 | Now what's striking to me in that verse is that Paul does not say, "Do what you have

00:03:31.660 | to do with church discipline so that there aren't any more idlers and faint-hearted and

00:03:36.580 | weak people in this church, but only productive people and lion-hearted people and strong

00:03:41.020 | people."

00:03:42.020 | In other words, the way Paul's exhortation is given inclines me to think they're always

00:03:49.780 | going to be there.

00:03:50.860 | They're always going to be weak people and faint-hearted people and idle people who struggle

00:03:57.760 | with all kinds of stuff, and he's warning us, I think, against thinking perfectionistically

00:04:04.180 | about an all-or-nothing solution.

00:04:07.780 | So let me try to answer the question directly.

00:04:11.300 | Here's what the question was.

00:04:12.340 | My question for you is, "When, if ever, should we intervene in the divisions between two

00:04:18.000 | people in our church?"

00:04:19.000 | And my answer is, we should intervene, and when and how we intervene is dependent on

00:04:24.220 | things like, how serious is the division?

00:04:27.780 | Two, how long has it been going on?

00:04:30.980 | Three, how mature are the people involved?

00:04:34.380 | Four, how close is your relationship with them?

00:04:38.380 | Five, who else is involved?

00:04:40.580 | And so on.

00:04:41.580 | In other words, great wisdom is required for strategies of ministry to other people.

00:04:47.740 | But the reason I say, yes, we should intervene is because of texts in the Bible like these,

00:04:55.340 | and I'll mention three.

00:04:56.780 | Galatians 6.1, "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression," like being unforgiving

00:05:04.960 | toward a friend or something like that, "you who are spiritual, restore him in a spirit

00:05:10.620 | of gentleness.

00:05:11.620 | Keep watch over yourself, lest you too be tempted."

00:05:13.500 | Or James 5.19, "Brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings

00:05:20.340 | him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save

00:05:25.420 | his soul from death and cover a multitude of sins."

00:05:29.020 | Or Matthew 6.14, Jesus says, "If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father

00:05:35.700 | will forgive you.

00:05:36.700 | But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your heavenly Father forgive

00:05:41.200 | you your trespasses."

00:05:43.060 | So it seems to me pretty clear that in Christ we are indeed our brother's keeper.

00:05:51.080 | Our goal is not merely to save ourselves, but to save others as well.

00:05:57.040 | Not merely to walk in the light, but help others walk in the light as well.

00:06:01.160 | That's the way love thinks.

00:06:02.720 | That's the way love acts.

00:06:05.000 | And you can see from the passage in James and the passage in Matthew that what's at

00:06:09.320 | stake in some of these relationships is our very salvation.

00:06:15.600 | I remember being in a small group when I was in seminary with a young woman who said, blew

00:06:22.360 | me away, she said, "I'll never forgive my mother for what she did."

00:06:26.480 | And we're Christians, we're Christians in this group.

00:06:29.920 | And I looked at her kind of baffled, and I quoted to her this text from Matthew 6 that

00:06:34.360 | if you don't forgive, you won't be forgiven.

00:06:36.960 | And she was very indignant that I would use that text in her case.

00:06:42.280 | But that's how serious it seemed to me.

00:06:44.160 | I think that's how serious it is.

00:06:47.480 | So not to step in if somebody is holding a grudge in a way that Jesus said will destroy

00:06:54.320 | you, would be a kind of unloving timidity.

00:06:58.960 | So closing exhortation, pray earnestly for wisdom, search the Scriptures, don't become

00:07:07.000 | a gossip about these other people, talking about them for a long time before you actually

00:07:13.240 | speak to them.

00:07:15.360 | Develop a relationship of trust with them if you can, and then approach the issue with

00:07:21.160 | questions in an attempt to learn about what's going on before you instruct.

00:07:29.240 | It will help you to know how to give guidance if you know the facts and if you discern the

00:07:37.360 | true state of their hearts.

00:07:40.200 | Yeah, such an incredibly important ministry.

00:07:44.640 | May we have the wisdom and the boldness to do this well.

00:07:46.960 | Thank you, Pastor John.

00:07:47.960 | And thank you for listening and continuing to support this podcast.

00:07:51.540 | You can stay current with the Ask Pastor John podcast episodes on your phone or device by

00:07:56.200 | subscribing through your preferred podcast app or by listening through our YouTube channel.

00:08:01.640 | And if you'd like to search our past episodes or if you want to listen to the most listened

00:08:04.760 | to episodes of all time, or if you want to send us an email with a question of your own,

00:08:09.280 | you can do those things through our online home at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.

00:08:16.160 | Well are we given to too little introspection or to too much introspection?

00:08:21.880 | How do we find the right balance between self-examination neglected and over-self-examination made toxic?

00:08:29.200 | It's really a question I've wanted to Ask Pastor John a long time.

00:08:31.880 | We're finally going to get to it on Wednesday when we return.

00:08:35.200 | Until then, I'm your host Tony Reinke.

00:08:36.600 | Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast with longtime author and pastor, John

00:08:41.040 | Piper.

00:08:42.040 | We'll see you then.

00:08:42.040 | [END]

00:08:44.040 | Ask Pastor John

00:08:45.040 | www.askpastorjohn.com

00:08:45.040 | [PAUSE]

When Do We Intervene in Other People’s Conflicts?

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