Well, the Bible calls Christians to make peace, to be peacemakers. It means that we are called to the very uncomfortable ministry of entering ourselves into the conflicts of others. So when do we enter into a situation? That's the question from a listener named Ryan. Hello, Pastor John. I just want to thank you so much for this podcast.

It and many of the resources at DesiringGod.org have become a very important part of my Christian growth. My question for you is when, if ever, should we intervene in the divisions between two people in our local church? If we see two Christians who do not appear to be seeking a better relationship and only continue to distance themselves from each other, is there a point that it becomes necessary for other Christians to intervene?

And at what point? I've been praying about the two individuals I'm thinking of, but are there any further actions laid out in the Bible? How have you done this yourself? I was talking to a friend just last night about how good it is when our adult children come home with their families for Thanksgiving or Christmas or just to visit, and we were observing that sometimes there are tensions or differences that have come between us and our kids, and we have to let those adult children be their own people and be glad if they're just willing to come home and be with us and be civil and gracious.

And he said, my friend that I was talking to said, that he knew one family that for generations seemed to handle all their disagreements and frustrations by long periods of silence and ostracism and estrangement. In other words, instead of finding some way to get along in spite of past hurts and present frustrations or political or religious differences, instead, they just didn't talk to each other for decades.

One father would exclude a child from any communication for years, and a sister wouldn't talk to a brother for years, and a father wouldn't let the family go to a mother-in-law to their house for years. And he observed that this was simply the way they had learned to deal with conflict.

And so it went on from generation to generation. Now, the reason I begin with that anecdote is simply to illustrate that we probably should take into account when trying to help someone be reconciled to another, lots of different factors that may make it harder for them to get reconciled than it may seem to us.

And we should be ready to have significant, deeper, extended conversations that may be difficult about the causes of the alienation than may appear on the surface. There's a passage in 1 Thessalonians 5.14 that shaped the way I have thought pastorally about such situations. It goes like this, "We urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the faint-hearted, help the weak, be patient with them all." Now what's striking to me in that verse is that Paul does not say, "Do what you have to do with church discipline so that there aren't any more idlers and faint-hearted and weak people in this church, but only productive people and lion-hearted people and strong people." In other words, the way Paul's exhortation is given inclines me to think they're always going to be there.

They're always going to be weak people and faint-hearted people and idle people who struggle with all kinds of stuff, and he's warning us, I think, against thinking perfectionistically about an all-or-nothing solution. So let me try to answer the question directly. Here's what the question was. My question for you is, "When, if ever, should we intervene in the divisions between two people in our church?" And my answer is, we should intervene, and when and how we intervene is dependent on things like, how serious is the division?

Two, how long has it been going on? Three, how mature are the people involved? Four, how close is your relationship with them? Five, who else is involved? And so on. In other words, great wisdom is required for strategies of ministry to other people. But the reason I say, yes, we should intervene is because of texts in the Bible like these, and I'll mention three.

Galatians 6.1, "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression," like being unforgiving toward a friend or something like that, "you who are spiritual, restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch over yourself, lest you too be tempted." Or James 5.19, "Brothers, if anyone among you wanders from the truth and someone brings him back, let him know that whoever brings back a sinner from his wandering will save his soul from death and cover a multitude of sins." Or Matthew 6.14, Jesus says, "If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will forgive you.

But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your heavenly Father forgive you your trespasses." So it seems to me pretty clear that in Christ we are indeed our brother's keeper. Our goal is not merely to save ourselves, but to save others as well. Not merely to walk in the light, but help others walk in the light as well.

That's the way love thinks. That's the way love acts. And you can see from the passage in James and the passage in Matthew that what's at stake in some of these relationships is our very salvation. I remember being in a small group when I was in seminary with a young woman who said, blew me away, she said, "I'll never forgive my mother for what she did." And we're Christians, we're Christians in this group.

And I looked at her kind of baffled, and I quoted to her this text from Matthew 6 that if you don't forgive, you won't be forgiven. And she was very indignant that I would use that text in her case. But that's how serious it seemed to me. I think that's how serious it is.

So not to step in if somebody is holding a grudge in a way that Jesus said will destroy you, would be a kind of unloving timidity. So closing exhortation, pray earnestly for wisdom, search the Scriptures, don't become a gossip about these other people, talking about them for a long time before you actually speak to them.

Develop a relationship of trust with them if you can, and then approach the issue with questions in an attempt to learn about what's going on before you instruct. It will help you to know how to give guidance if you know the facts and if you discern the true state of their hearts.

Yeah, such an incredibly important ministry. May we have the wisdom and the boldness to do this well. Thank you, Pastor John. And thank you for listening and continuing to support this podcast. You can stay current with the Ask Pastor John podcast episodes on your phone or device by subscribing through your preferred podcast app or by listening through our YouTube channel.

And if you'd like to search our past episodes or if you want to listen to the most listened to episodes of all time, or if you want to send us an email with a question of your own, you can do those things through our online home at DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn. Well are we given to too little introspection or to too much introspection?

How do we find the right balance between self-examination neglected and over-self-examination made toxic? It's really a question I've wanted to Ask Pastor John a long time. We're finally going to get to it on Wednesday when we return. Until then, I'm your host Tony Reinke. Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast with longtime author and pastor, John Piper.

We'll see you then. Ask Pastor John www.askpastorjohn.com