Has Facebook Ruined Dating?

00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)

00:00:02.580 | - Welcome back to the Ask Pastor John podcast.

00:00:07.560 | Today we launch our 2015 Conference for Pastors

00:00:11.880 | in partnership with Bethlehem College and Seminary.

00:00:15.200 | The Pastors Conference kicks off this afternoon

00:00:17.520 | and it will be a full afternoon and evening

00:00:20.040 | of festivities at the Minneapolis Convention Center.

00:00:23.800 | As always, I look forward to seeing many of you

00:00:25.640 | in town for it and for those of you who refuse

00:00:28.560 | to venture into Minneapolis in the winter time.

00:00:31.440 | The conference will be streamed online.

00:00:33.800 | You can go to desiringgod.org/live

00:00:37.800 | for the schedule and for the video stream.

00:00:41.080 | We're back with guest Matt Chandler.

00:00:42.820 | He's the lead pastor at the Village Church in Dallas.

00:00:45.540 | Matt is also the author of the new book,

00:00:47.240 | "The Mingling of Souls, God's Design for Love,

00:00:50.640 | Marriage, Sex, and Redemption."

00:00:52.780 | And he joins us on the phone from Dallas.

00:00:54.840 | Matt, I've got 10 questions on relationships

00:00:57.240 | queued up for you and we're working through them.

00:00:59.480 | Eventually I wanna ask you about Facebook today.

00:01:01.840 | But first, here's question number two.

00:01:04.240 | Is there such thing as too fast in Christian dating?

00:01:08.480 | How do you know if a dating relationship

00:01:10.240 | is moving too quickly emotionally

00:01:12.840 | or too quickly towards marriage?

00:01:15.040 | - So I'm gonna be real cautious about saying

00:01:17.960 | there is such a thing as too quickly.

00:01:20.720 | What I'd rather do is say what's driving the speed?

00:01:25.120 | And so if mere physical attraction

00:01:30.120 | or kind of emotive, frilly,

00:01:33.340 | this is quote unquote the one type of weirdness

00:01:38.060 | is driving it, then yeah, I think if the relationship

00:01:41.300 | is outpacing a knowledge of character,

00:01:44.080 | reputation, and knowledge of godliness,

00:01:46.880 | then that's way too quick.

00:01:48.240 | But again, to go back to what I said earlier,

00:01:50.480 | if the person is known, if you're in a context

00:01:54.760 | in which you have watched their godliness,

00:01:56.960 | you have marveled at their character,

00:01:59.220 | you have rejoiced in what God does in them and through them,

00:02:03.440 | then I think that speed isn't as big of a factor.

00:02:07.360 | So we have a staff person here

00:02:10.760 | who really met and married her husband

00:02:14.440 | in a matter of months.

00:02:15.960 | But she had watched him do ministry at the village,

00:02:19.720 | she knew his reputation.

00:02:23.240 | There were these things that were already known,

00:02:25.240 | and so what was driving the relationship,

00:02:28.120 | what wasn't kind of a flare up of emotions,

00:02:31.520 | wasn't a type of desperation or loneliness

00:02:34.200 | and this idea of maybe this is my only shot

00:02:36.720 | or anything like that, it wasn't,

00:02:38.320 | oh, I just physically find him so attractive,

00:02:41.700 | but rather there was a knowledge of his faithfulness to God,

00:02:46.400 | his desire to serve the Lord,

00:02:48.120 | his seriousness about the things of God.

00:02:50.560 | And so, man, they flew,

00:02:52.320 | I hardly knew they were dating before they were engaged.

00:02:55.400 | And even then, they were counseled by one of our pastors

00:02:59.780 | that this was moving too quick

00:03:01.360 | and that they should slow down.

00:03:03.040 | And they listened and heeded a bit,

00:03:05.160 | but went on and got married.

00:03:06.260 | And I think they had a little hitch here and there

00:03:09.640 | after marriage, but who doesn't, right?

00:03:11.240 | I mean, I was dated Lauren for two years

00:03:14.000 | and we still had plenty of hitches

00:03:16.280 | our first couple of years.

00:03:17.640 | And so, I'd rather not say, yeah, there is too fast

00:03:21.640 | as much as I would wanna know what's driving the speed.

00:03:24.680 | - Very good.

00:03:25.960 | Okay, on to question number three, Matt.

00:03:27.960 | In your experience, in what ways is technology

00:03:31.240 | changing the way young people date today?

00:03:34.680 | And do these trends encourage you or do they concern you?

00:03:37.740 | - If we're talking about a young man and a young woman

00:03:42.400 | who are actively dating, they've defined the relationship

00:03:45.960 | and they know that they're in a growing,

00:03:48.440 | committed relationship with one another.

00:03:50.820 | I think technology creates an avenue

00:03:53.240 | in which we might encourage one another,

00:03:55.840 | that we might be able to connect more frequently

00:03:58.360 | in regards to the busyness of the world.

00:04:00.560 | And so, in that way, I'm encouraged

00:04:03.040 | by what technology has to offer.

00:04:05.920 | If though, we're saying that technology has changed the game

00:04:10.680 | in regards to how single young men and women

00:04:12.880 | approach one another before that relationship

00:04:15.460 | is being defined, then that's where I've got a lot of cause

00:04:19.600 | and concern about technology.

00:04:21.260 | Because what I've found is that the ability to text

00:04:24.240 | or to tweet at or to write on someone's wall,

00:04:27.440 | I'm not on Facebook, I think I said that right,

00:04:29.600 | that those things enable you to kind of flirt

00:04:32.240 | and to tease without there ever being a,

00:04:36.240 | what exactly is this moment?

00:04:38.680 | And so, in that regard, I think it can be hurtful

00:04:41.840 | to constantly be texting back and forth

00:04:45.240 | and to constantly be involved in the technological realm

00:04:50.240 | rather than the face-to-face realm.

00:04:53.680 | And yet, and so you don't really know what this thing is.

00:04:57.820 | And so, in that way, I've got some concerns.

00:04:59.880 | So, I would just, if I think about my daughters,

00:05:03.480 | to have a young man constantly texting them,

00:05:07.000 | constantly engaging them on social media

00:05:10.040 | without any real clear, I'm pursuing you,

00:05:13.960 | any real clear desire to want to establish

00:05:18.960 | a shared knowledge of this relationship.

00:05:22.680 | We both want this relationship to grow.

00:05:24.820 | I think I've got concerns there.

00:05:27.520 | I just see a lot of our young women at The Village

00:05:30.680 | really get led into and teased by the ability for guys

00:05:35.680 | to just kind of like every post of theirs

00:05:39.680 | or constantly text the young woman

00:05:43.720 | without ever really kind of defining what this is.

00:05:47.040 | - That's very wise caution, thank you.

00:05:50.000 | That was Matt Chandler, the lead pastor

00:05:52.400 | at The Village Church in Dallas

00:05:54.080 | and the author of the new book, "The Mingling of Souls,

00:05:57.440 | "God's Design for Love, Marriage, Sex, and Redemption."

00:06:00.960 | Tomorrow, I wanna know how should our local churches

00:06:03.240 | be serving young men and women

00:06:04.800 | to help them cultivate marriages?

00:06:07.400 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.

00:06:08.320 | Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast.

00:06:10.880 | (upbeat music)

00:06:13.460 | (upbeat music)

00:06:16.040 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

Has Facebook Ruined Dating?

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