(upbeat music) - Welcome back to the Ask Pastor John podcast. Today we launch our 2015 Conference for Pastors in partnership with Bethlehem College and Seminary. The Pastors Conference kicks off this afternoon and it will be a full afternoon and evening of festivities at the Minneapolis Convention Center. As always, I look forward to seeing many of you in town for it and for those of you who refuse to venture into Minneapolis in the winter time.

The conference will be streamed online. You can go to desiringgod.org/live for the schedule and for the video stream. We're back with guest Matt Chandler. He's the lead pastor at the Village Church in Dallas. Matt is also the author of the new book, "The Mingling of Souls, God's Design for Love, Marriage, Sex, and Redemption." And he joins us on the phone from Dallas.

Matt, I've got 10 questions on relationships queued up for you and we're working through them. Eventually I wanna ask you about Facebook today. But first, here's question number two. Is there such thing as too fast in Christian dating? How do you know if a dating relationship is moving too quickly emotionally or too quickly towards marriage?

- So I'm gonna be real cautious about saying there is such a thing as too quickly. What I'd rather do is say what's driving the speed? And so if mere physical attraction or kind of emotive, frilly, this is quote unquote the one type of weirdness is driving it, then yeah, I think if the relationship is outpacing a knowledge of character, reputation, and knowledge of godliness, then that's way too quick.

But again, to go back to what I said earlier, if the person is known, if you're in a context in which you have watched their godliness, you have marveled at their character, you have rejoiced in what God does in them and through them, then I think that speed isn't as big of a factor.

So we have a staff person here who really met and married her husband in a matter of months. But she had watched him do ministry at the village, she knew his reputation. There were these things that were already known, and so what was driving the relationship, what wasn't kind of a flare up of emotions, wasn't a type of desperation or loneliness and this idea of maybe this is my only shot or anything like that, it wasn't, oh, I just physically find him so attractive, but rather there was a knowledge of his faithfulness to God, his desire to serve the Lord, his seriousness about the things of God.

And so, man, they flew, I hardly knew they were dating before they were engaged. And even then, they were counseled by one of our pastors that this was moving too quick and that they should slow down. And they listened and heeded a bit, but went on and got married.

And I think they had a little hitch here and there after marriage, but who doesn't, right? I mean, I was dated Lauren for two years and we still had plenty of hitches our first couple of years. And so, I'd rather not say, yeah, there is too fast as much as I would wanna know what's driving the speed.

- Very good. Okay, on to question number three, Matt. In your experience, in what ways is technology changing the way young people date today? And do these trends encourage you or do they concern you? - If we're talking about a young man and a young woman who are actively dating, they've defined the relationship and they know that they're in a growing, committed relationship with one another.

I think technology creates an avenue in which we might encourage one another, that we might be able to connect more frequently in regards to the busyness of the world. And so, in that way, I'm encouraged by what technology has to offer. If though, we're saying that technology has changed the game in regards to how single young men and women approach one another before that relationship is being defined, then that's where I've got a lot of cause and concern about technology.

Because what I've found is that the ability to text or to tweet at or to write on someone's wall, I'm not on Facebook, I think I said that right, that those things enable you to kind of flirt and to tease without there ever being a, what exactly is this moment?

And so, in that regard, I think it can be hurtful to constantly be texting back and forth and to constantly be involved in the technological realm rather than the face-to-face realm. And yet, and so you don't really know what this thing is. And so, in that way, I've got some concerns.

So, I would just, if I think about my daughters, to have a young man constantly texting them, constantly engaging them on social media without any real clear, I'm pursuing you, any real clear desire to want to establish a shared knowledge of this relationship. We both want this relationship to grow.

I think I've got concerns there. I just see a lot of our young women at The Village really get led into and teased by the ability for guys to just kind of like every post of theirs or constantly text the young woman without ever really kind of defining what this is.

- That's very wise caution, thank you. That was Matt Chandler, the lead pastor at The Village Church in Dallas and the author of the new book, "The Mingling of Souls, "God's Design for Love, Marriage, Sex, and Redemption." Tomorrow, I wanna know how should our local churches be serving young men and women to help them cultivate marriages?

I'm your host, Tony Reinke. Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)