Lana Rhoades on the Dark Side of the Porn Industry, Why She Left and Where She's At Now
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat hip hop music)
00:00:03.240 | - Welcome to another episode of Curious Mike.
00:00:12.240 | I am here with Lana Rhodes.
00:00:14.280 | Yeah, so people are gonna be surprised
00:00:18.520 | that we're on a podcast together,
00:00:20.880 | but I actually came across one of your podcasts
00:00:22.880 | that you used to do,
00:00:23.880 | 'cause I was messing with one of your friends,
00:00:26.720 | and she sent me the podcast,
00:00:27.960 | and you were talking about just the dark sides
00:00:30.840 | of the adult film industry and the porn industry,
00:00:34.360 | which you used to be a part of,
00:00:36.160 | and it really just, I was really interested,
00:00:38.840 | and honestly, inspired by your story.
00:00:41.760 | So that's kinda why I wanna have you on,
00:00:43.560 | and I appreciate you being vulnerable
00:00:45.560 | and coming on the podcast.
00:00:47.200 | - No, thank you, that's so sweet.
00:00:49.680 | - Yeah, no, for sure.
00:00:50.640 | So let's start off just with your childhood.
00:00:52.460 | I feel like a lot of people who end up
00:00:55.280 | in the sex industry at all kinda have
00:00:57.880 | an unorthodox kinda upbringing.
00:00:59.640 | Was yours a usual upbringing, or how'd that go growing up?
00:01:03.720 | - So there's a lot of things
00:01:06.120 | that I've come to terms with recently
00:01:08.400 | that I didn't even realize were wrong in my childhood.
00:01:11.960 | Like the past year, I have started going to therapy,
00:01:16.280 | and I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder,
00:01:19.960 | and I've been through so many things
00:01:24.200 | that I was like, oh, maybe this caused it,
00:01:26.160 | or this caused it.
00:01:27.760 | And the one thing that really,
00:01:31.420 | I feel like if you don't have borderline BPD,
00:01:36.840 | you won't understand the feeling.
00:01:38.600 | But basically, to figure it out,
00:01:40.000 | I had to go back and think when was the first time
00:01:43.680 | that I had this feeling that no one loves me,
00:01:47.640 | and just overwhelming emotions to the point
00:01:51.520 | where it feels like you have to hurt yourself in some way.
00:01:56.040 | And so that came from just like when you're a young child,
00:02:01.040 | and you're developing your attachment to parents
00:02:05.980 | or emotional regulation skills,
00:02:09.480 | if people invalidate you, like say you're crying,
00:02:12.160 | and your parents yell at you to make you stop
00:02:15.200 | or they hit you, and I'm talking two, three years old,
00:02:19.760 | obviously, you should never hit your kids.
00:02:22.740 | It can cause that, and I just had no idea.
00:02:27.280 | I actually thought that everyone's parents hit them,
00:02:31.320 | and I really thought that.
00:02:33.640 | I thought maybe it just started young doing it,
00:02:37.760 | and I asked a couple of my friends,
00:02:39.320 | I was like, how old were you when your parents hit you
00:02:41.680 | for the first time?
00:02:42.520 | And they were like, what, my parents never hit me?
00:02:45.020 | So there's just a lot,
00:02:48.880 | and then I have a sister who has schizophrenia too.
00:02:52.400 | So I feel like I wasn't dealt the best hand of cards
00:02:57.400 | when it comes to family circumstances,
00:03:01.060 | which definitely contributed to the decisions
00:03:04.460 | that I made when I was older,
00:03:06.080 | because if your brain is just completely warped
00:03:10.520 | from going through so much,
00:03:13.040 | going through certain things can actually change
00:03:16.000 | your brain chemistry.
00:03:18.400 | - 100%, yeah.
00:03:19.240 | - And damage it.
00:03:20.160 | And so I don't think that I would've made the decisions
00:03:26.160 | that I made if I was in a better state of mind,
00:03:31.160 | because I only was in the industry
00:03:34.840 | for a short period of time,
00:03:36.840 | and that was because I finally was able to get away
00:03:40.360 | from where I was living, and be separated,
00:03:42.960 | and live my own life, and experience the world,
00:03:45.600 | and kind of heal, 'cause I wasn't in that constant.
00:03:49.440 | - Right, did you have your father around, or no?
00:03:53.320 | - No, so my parents got divorced
00:03:55.920 | when my mom was pregnant with me.
00:03:58.240 | - Gotcha. - Yeah.
00:03:59.720 | - So yeah, obviously growing up was tough.
00:04:01.640 | I had a woman on the podcast
00:04:04.460 | who also, she kind of ended up in the industry.
00:04:06.860 | She actually was trafficked,
00:04:09.040 | and she had a similar childhood.
00:04:11.440 | I don't think she had a father figure around,
00:04:13.160 | and her upbringing wasn't the best,
00:04:15.480 | and it led her to hanging around some people,
00:04:17.040 | and idolizing certain things,
00:04:18.800 | and she ended up in a really messed up situation.
00:04:23.320 | So you go through that childhood,
00:04:27.320 | and then I think your teenage years
00:04:29.320 | is when you kind of started getting into the industry.
00:04:32.760 | How did that kind of unfold?
00:04:35.000 | What was the steps that you took to even get into that?
00:04:38.440 | - Well, yeah, it was kind of a progressive ladder effect.
00:04:45.440 | I started out working at a restaurant
00:04:48.040 | similar to Hooters when I was 17.
00:04:50.680 | And it's not that I don't know my dad at all.
00:04:54.840 | I just don't spend a lot of time with him,
00:04:58.600 | but he signed the paper so that I could work there,
00:05:01.520 | because it's a restaurant where you have to wear
00:05:03.280 | a sexy outfit, and I wasn't even 18.
00:05:05.420 | So that was my first kind of job
00:05:09.360 | where men sexualize you and look at you in that way,
00:05:13.040 | and I never thought that I was pretty
00:05:15.880 | or anything growing up.
00:05:17.080 | So I was like, wow, they hired me here.
00:05:20.480 | I'm pretty enough to work here.
00:05:22.480 | And then guys coming up to me and giving me $20
00:05:25.960 | and being like, you're so hot, here's $20.
00:05:28.880 | It was just like, it was so weird to me,
00:05:32.320 | but also validating, 'cause I didn't have that self-esteem.
00:05:36.040 | So I kind of went further down the rabbit hole.
00:05:39.000 | When I turned 18, I left that job,
00:05:40.840 | and I went straight to becoming a dancer at a club.
00:05:44.960 | And then after that, it was porn.
00:05:48.880 | - Right.
00:05:49.720 | And I don't want to spend too much time
00:05:52.440 | kind of in that period of your life,
00:05:53.980 | which is a very brief period.
00:05:55.480 | I think total, you said you filmed around eight months?
00:05:58.560 | - Yeah, like two four-month stints.
00:06:01.160 | - Gotcha.
00:06:02.240 | What I really kind of want to get at is
00:06:04.760 | the fact that in terms of being a porn star,
00:06:08.640 | you had everything that any girl in that industry would want.
00:06:11.680 | You got the fame, you got the popularity,
00:06:14.000 | probably were making more money than most girls.
00:06:16.400 | And you kind of threw that all away,
00:06:19.880 | and now are kind of an advocate against a lot of this stuff.
00:06:24.160 | And you speak openly, and you're very passionate
00:06:25.880 | about kind of what goes on in the dark sides
00:06:30.680 | of the porn industry and how it's not,
00:06:32.640 | everything kind of isn't as it seems.
00:06:35.520 | So what kind of brought about your change in perspective?
00:06:39.720 | - Just, I actually had an experience last,
00:06:46.680 | so I started doing OnlyFans again.
00:06:48.920 | And I had an experience last night with another girl
00:06:52.600 | that reminded me of how I felt in those times.
00:06:57.400 | So it's like, I actually couldn't sleep last night
00:07:01.440 | 'cause I was just so hurt by this happening.
00:07:04.080 | Me and one of my good girlfriends,
00:07:06.920 | we went live on OnlyFans last night,
00:07:09.440 | and I just recognized this facial expression that she had
00:07:14.320 | that she looked so uncomfortable.
00:07:16.840 | And this was our third time doing it.
00:07:18.920 | We're friends, we kiss off camera and stuff.
00:07:21.520 | So I wasn't expecting it, but I was like, "Are you okay?
00:07:25.840 | "Are you comfortable?"
00:07:26.760 | And she's like, "I just have anxiety."
00:07:29.120 | And then she went off to the side and started just bawling.
00:07:32.480 | And I turned the live off, and it's just such,
00:07:36.920 | like, I feel honestly destroyed
00:07:41.800 | that I even had any part in someone feeling
00:07:46.800 | not comfortable with what they were doing.
00:07:50.120 | And also, she was explaining to me
00:07:52.880 | that she needs to make money for certain things,
00:07:54.920 | so she feels like she doesn't say no
00:07:58.400 | to all the things that she would want to.
00:08:00.600 | And it's probably good that this experience happened with me
00:08:03.920 | because I have been through that so much myself
00:08:06.920 | that I was able to give her really good advice,
00:08:09.280 | even though it's something that literally killed me inside
00:08:13.440 | to be part of.
00:08:14.320 | But that's essentially what it was.
00:08:17.160 | It's a bunch of really young girls
00:08:19.640 | who get into the industry.
00:08:21.080 | The younger, the better for them.
00:08:23.160 | These girls, when I started, I looked like a little kid.
00:08:26.720 | I looked like a little kid.
00:08:29.080 | And that's what they like.
00:08:30.920 | That's what sells.
00:08:32.600 | And a lot of girls, even my friends,
00:08:36.200 | we don't feel comfortable saying no for some reason.
00:08:40.720 | 'Cause we just, I don't know,
00:08:43.280 | it's just like a natural girl thing.
00:08:45.160 | I think we're taught as children to be obedient,
00:08:49.160 | especially to men.
00:08:52.640 | Or if you're raised in a religious family,
00:08:55.040 | it's always like, obey your father, stuff like that.
00:08:59.240 | And so it's a really big problem
00:09:01.000 | with girls feeling pressured by agents
00:09:04.960 | who don't necessarily have their best interest in mind.
00:09:08.960 | And I'm doing a lot of things that really hurt them.
00:09:13.680 | For me, there are certain scenes that I did
00:09:16.320 | that I felt like I didn't say anything to them
00:09:20.320 | because it's work and I wanted to be professional.
00:09:23.040 | But for example, when the camera would be behind me
00:09:26.600 | and you couldn't see my face,
00:09:28.480 | I would be gagging or crying
00:09:31.640 | because I felt like I was being raped
00:09:33.880 | because I did not want to be doing it.
00:09:37.040 | And I didn't wanna be feeling
00:09:38.640 | the things in my body that I was feeling
00:09:42.800 | 'cause I was honestly disgusted
00:09:45.320 | by the person that I was having to shoot with
00:09:47.520 | 'cause you don't get to choose.
00:09:49.400 | So it's just stuff like that that can be very damaging.
00:09:52.040 | And it's not the other people's fault.
00:09:56.600 | It's just a huge problem
00:09:59.720 | that there's not really anything to set up
00:10:03.720 | to protect girls that are young and vulnerable
00:10:06.800 | that don't know how to say no
00:10:08.560 | or don't have self-respect for themselves yet
00:10:12.240 | or care for themselves or love themselves
00:10:14.200 | because they've been through so much and taught not to.
00:10:17.640 | - And I feel like a lot of people,
00:10:20.520 | I don't know if you guys received the backlash,
00:10:22.200 | like, "Oh, you guys chose to do this," or whatever.
00:10:24.240 | But when you're in your teenage years
00:10:26.720 | and then you're around these older men,
00:10:29.040 | I'm sure they're all older.
00:10:30.120 | - Yeah, they're all in their 40s.
00:10:31.440 | They know exactly how to get you to do what you want,
00:10:34.600 | what they want, to make them money.
00:10:36.520 | - And then you guys don't even really make much, I'm sure.
00:10:41.480 | - No, it's pickles.
00:10:43.600 | I was the number one porn star
00:10:46.920 | and my rate was $1,200 for a sex scene.
00:10:51.040 | - Yeah. - $1,200.
00:10:52.760 | - That's unbelievable.
00:10:54.800 | - But obviously a lot of these girls
00:10:56.200 | are coming from small towns.
00:10:57.920 | Their families probably don't have money.
00:10:59.960 | I thought $100 at the time was so much money.
00:11:03.120 | So getting 1,200 was a big deal.
00:11:06.600 | But then I met this boy who worked in,
00:11:08.640 | not the guy that I ended up dating for a long time,
00:11:11.280 | but I met this other boy that worked in YouTube and Instagram
00:11:14.720 | and he shared with me that he was getting $15,000
00:11:18.440 | to pose with a Jeep on Instagram.
00:11:21.120 | And I was like, "I'm getting $1,200 for a sex scene?
00:11:25.400 | This is not okay."
00:11:27.840 | - Yeah, and I think that's one thing like this industry,
00:11:30.560 | like it continues to take off, you know, as time goes on,
00:11:34.880 | you know, more people are exposed to it at a younger age.
00:11:37.440 | It's like, like porn is a real life addiction
00:11:40.600 | for a lot of people, but a lot of these young men
00:11:43.880 | that are introduced to it, they don't really know
00:11:46.360 | kind of behind the scenes what you guys deal with.
00:11:48.720 | They look at these girls on camera and think like,
00:11:51.880 | oh, they're enjoying it, this is what they like,
00:11:54.560 | this is, you know, whatever.
00:11:56.840 | And I think that it's important for people like you,
00:12:00.080 | especially super successful people like you
00:12:03.040 | that decided to leave, like to kind of educate young men.
00:12:06.680 | And I guess young women now, I saw a lot of young women
00:12:10.640 | watch porn too, but just, it's not, that's not what it is.
00:12:15.200 | It's not, it's glamorous and it's not like these,
00:12:18.800 | it's not what it appears to be, kind of.
00:12:21.720 | - Yeah, definitely.
00:12:22.760 | It was like, you could probably could not tell at all
00:12:26.560 | that I felt the way that I did in the certain scenes
00:12:29.480 | because it's a job, it's acting.
00:12:32.360 | And like, I had like pre-planned things
00:12:34.880 | that I was going to say during the scenes,
00:12:36.520 | like facial expressions that I was gonna make,
00:12:39.120 | things that I was gonna do because it's fake, it's fake.
00:12:43.760 | And I also think like the point that you made
00:12:47.120 | that the guys don't understand
00:12:50.400 | what's going on behind the scenes.
00:12:52.040 | And then also that people are like,
00:12:53.320 | oh, you knew what you got into,
00:12:54.720 | and like you get backlash for talking out about it.
00:12:57.400 | I think it's because men like consuming porn
00:13:00.960 | and they don't wanna feel guilty for consuming it.
00:13:04.400 | And so they don't wanna hear that I felt
00:13:06.160 | the way that I felt.
00:13:07.600 | And they refuse to believe that I'm not like a giant whore
00:13:11.360 | that wants to get like fucked by like a bunch of big dicks.
00:13:15.560 | Like I'm the biggest prude in real life.
00:13:17.720 | - How did you, did you,
00:13:21.120 | because I know a lot of women that are in that industry,
00:13:24.720 | it's very hard to get out,
00:13:26.120 | or like you almost feel like you're stuck.
00:13:28.000 | And even the girls that do,
00:13:29.840 | sometimes the only way out to them may seem like suicide.
00:13:34.400 | Like I saw a stat on your podcast
00:13:36.360 | where it was like the average life expectancy
00:13:39.000 | of someone in the sex industry for a woman is about 37.
00:13:43.880 | And the average life expectancy
00:13:45.160 | outside of that industry is 78, I think.
00:13:47.640 | And I was just like, how is that possible?
00:13:50.160 | So a lot of, obviously a lot of these girls
00:13:52.960 | feel like there's no way out.
00:13:54.600 | How were you able to kind of get out
00:13:57.000 | and kind of just like, I guess,
00:13:59.720 | find your identity outside of the industry?
00:14:02.560 | - I mean, I had to,
00:14:03.840 | or it probably would have led to that point
00:14:06.760 | of like killing myself.
00:14:08.440 | 'Cause I started like towards the end of it,
00:14:10.960 | I started having panic attacks, like before scenes,
00:14:13.920 | 'cause I really didn't wanna do them.
00:14:15.200 | And I didn't know how to say, no, I don't wanna do this.
00:14:18.080 | So there really was no choice for me.
00:14:21.640 | It was either like probably going to kill myself
00:14:25.600 | or just do anything to like make something else work.
00:14:30.600 | And this is what I was telling my friend last night,
00:14:33.080 | 'cause she was saying that she's not really happy
00:14:36.160 | with doing OnlyFans anymore.
00:14:38.040 | And I'm like, she has other passions
00:14:40.000 | that she's interested in.
00:14:40.880 | I really believe anyone,
00:14:42.760 | if they just work towards anything that they wanna do,
00:14:45.600 | just a little bit every single day, like you can get there.
00:14:49.600 | Just 'cause a lot of people aren't willing
00:14:51.240 | to like work every single day and put in the effort.
00:14:54.360 | But if you do, it really does pay off.
00:14:56.800 | When I quit porn,
00:14:57.640 | I only had like 200,000 followers on Instagram.
00:15:00.880 | And I met this boy and I was like, okay,
00:15:02.480 | I wanna do what he does.
00:15:03.760 | I wanna be an Instagram influencer.
00:15:05.880 | And I grew my account to over 10 million in one year,
00:15:08.720 | just by literally asking all my friends,
00:15:10.280 | hey, can you take a picture of me today?
00:15:12.280 | Hey, can you help me with this?
00:15:14.080 | And just always posting, like working on my Instagram.
00:15:17.520 | And then I started getting brand deals,
00:15:19.440 | which sustained me so that I didn't have to do any sex work.
00:15:24.800 | And then it just progressed over time
00:15:28.240 | with the stuff that I do.
00:15:30.040 | Like I ended up doing YouTube with my boyfriend,
00:15:32.120 | then a podcast, and now I'm doing fashion.
00:15:35.560 | So I really think like it doesn't really make sense
00:15:39.320 | where I came from in porn to where I am now.
00:15:43.240 | And I think it's really just believing that you can
00:15:47.160 | and putting in effort every single day to get there.
00:15:50.600 | - Yeah, I mean, I find that kind of inspiring
00:15:54.400 | because I know a lot of people,
00:15:55.800 | you hear the term selling yourself for fame or money,
00:15:58.760 | whatever, but like the fact that you were
00:16:02.240 | the number one porn star,
00:16:05.000 | and then you chose to kind of like let all that go.
00:16:07.200 | Like I know I've talked to some rappers who do the music,
00:16:10.680 | and they talk about how they don't really want
00:16:13.000 | to be making the type of music they do.
00:16:15.160 | They don't wanna talk about the violence or the whatever.
00:16:18.440 | They would rather be a positive message.
00:16:21.640 | But the reason that they talk about these things
00:16:24.360 | is because it sells.
00:16:25.400 | And they're making a lot of money,
00:16:28.880 | and they know if they change their message or whatever,
00:16:31.280 | they wouldn't be as successful.
00:16:34.080 | And it's similar in your story,
00:16:36.040 | because you were doing all that,
00:16:39.040 | but you decided to step down from that
00:16:41.160 | and try to find ways to make money
00:16:44.440 | or find your identity outside of porn.
00:16:45.840 | I feel like that obviously takes a big like leap of faith,
00:16:49.760 | and it's just very hard to do
00:16:52.240 | when you kind of have become something,
00:16:55.600 | but you wanna completely shift away from it.
00:16:57.720 | So I admire you for that.
00:16:59.560 | - Thank you.
00:17:00.400 | - And that's kind of why I wanted to talk to you about this.
00:17:03.360 | But yeah, I think one thing that my sister mentioned
00:17:08.080 | was as this porn industry kind of increases,
00:17:11.200 | you also see like an increase in just the human trafficking,
00:17:16.640 | the sex trafficking as well,
00:17:18.480 | which I find that to be like,
00:17:19.840 | I mean, it's probably pretty obvious
00:17:21.780 | why they grow together, but have you seen that?
00:17:24.200 | Can you speak on that?
00:17:25.120 | Or why do you think the rise in porn
00:17:27.400 | also equals the rise in the human trafficking?
00:17:31.160 | How do those kind of collide together?
00:17:33.720 | - I personally haven't like experienced human trafficking,
00:17:39.120 | or the closest like that I've ever been
00:17:43.920 | to meeting someone who has was,
00:17:46.320 | I went to Juvie when I was a teen,
00:17:49.560 | and really like, it's really sad.
00:17:52.780 | There are some of the most beautiful,
00:17:54.820 | amazing girls that I met in there,
00:17:57.140 | and they were like 12 years old,
00:17:59.500 | and like their parents had been like pimping them out
00:18:02.660 | since they were like 11.
00:18:04.220 | And like this one girl looked like a model.
00:18:07.600 | She was so beautiful.
00:18:08.900 | And like, this was happening to her
00:18:10.360 | because her parents did dope.
00:18:13.260 | And so they were pimping out their 11 year old daughter.
00:18:15.740 | And I remember at one point she like,
00:18:20.280 | like there was like something on her butt or something,
00:18:24.720 | and like, she wanted me to look at it.
00:18:26.480 | And like, she bent over and she didn't have like underwear on
00:18:30.920 | and like, because if girls like get raped very young
00:18:34.640 | or like have to have sex, it can like ruin their vagina.
00:18:37.880 | And it was just like, I felt so bad for her
00:18:41.120 | 'cause she was only 12 and it looked like
00:18:45.320 | just, I don't know, it's hard.
00:18:49.360 | But that's the closest experience that I've had with that.
00:18:52.360 | And I'm not like too educated on what's going on with.
00:18:56.640 | - Gotcha. - Yeah.
00:18:58.120 | - Gotcha, now I was just curious about that.
00:18:59.760 | So what advice would you then give to,
00:19:02.600 | so I guess a lot of girls are then going into this industry
00:19:05.040 | obviously by free will.
00:19:06.400 | So what advice, you know, being where you are now
00:19:11.320 | and seeing what you've seen,
00:19:13.480 | what advice would you then give girls
00:19:15.200 | who are considering going into the industry?
00:19:18.640 | - There's a few things.
00:19:19.680 | One, my experience and other girls' experiences
00:19:23.520 | may be different.
00:19:25.280 | Like I know people, girls,
00:19:27.240 | who supposedly really like doing it.
00:19:31.700 | And like, that's fine for them to like doing it.
00:19:34.100 | The difference between me and those girls that I've noticed
00:19:38.320 | is that before I did porn, I was only with one guy.
00:19:41.260 | Like I didn't hook up with people.
00:19:44.240 | I still like have to be in love with someone
00:19:46.640 | to want to like be physical with them.
00:19:49.600 | And the other girls before they did porn,
00:19:52.360 | the ones who like tend to like it more,
00:19:54.640 | it's because they're already doing like gang bangs
00:19:58.640 | in their personal life
00:19:59.800 | or like being very sexually active already.
00:20:04.520 | And so it like makes more sense to them.
00:20:07.560 | - They were like already fucked.
00:20:08.840 | - Yeah, they were already doing it.
00:20:11.700 | And so they're like, why not make money off of it?
00:20:13.660 | And it's something that they enjoy supposedly.
00:20:16.260 | I mean, I'm sure like some of them have had like days
00:20:21.260 | on set that didn't go well.
00:20:24.580 | - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:20:26.780 | Do you feel like, so then what do you think contributes
00:20:29.420 | to the girls who end up in that industry
00:20:33.300 | doing so many drugs or the suicide rates?
00:20:36.360 | Why do you feel like that is so high then?
00:20:38.420 | Do you just feel like there's a lot of girls
00:20:40.280 | that do feel like you or do you just feel like,
00:20:43.300 | yeah, what do you think happens?
00:20:45.980 | - Kind of going back to like what happened
00:20:48.940 | with my friend last night.
00:20:50.340 | She didn't want to be doing it,
00:20:55.580 | but she felt like she needed money.
00:20:57.260 | And so like the piece of advice that I gave her was just,
00:21:01.980 | if there's a piece of yourself
00:21:04.020 | that you don't feel like you can give,
00:21:06.000 | don't give it for anything
00:21:07.440 | because that's gonna end up like fucking you up
00:21:09.860 | so bad in the long run.
00:21:11.580 | Like, I know because I gave way too much of myself
00:21:14.140 | that I didn't want to.
00:21:16.740 | And like no money is worth doing that really.
00:21:21.740 | And I imagine like the girls wanting to kill themselves
00:21:26.720 | or like taking drugs, like even just to deal with it,
00:21:30.440 | like to do the scenes maybe
00:21:32.240 | if they don't wanna be doing it
00:21:33.500 | so they can like disassociate
00:21:35.620 | 'cause they just need to like make money
00:21:37.440 | to sustain themselves at that point.
00:21:39.860 | And also like if your body,
00:21:41.700 | it's just not natural for people, I think,
00:21:45.820 | to be having sex with people that they don't know
00:21:50.300 | and that they're not attracted to.
00:21:52.400 | And also like, even if you do like doing sex work,
00:21:56.240 | there might be a day where you don't like having sex
00:21:59.460 | or you don't wanna be sexual
00:22:01.300 | and you still have to do it anyway.
00:22:03.280 | So it's a bit traumatizing to share your body in that way
00:22:08.280 | 'cause it's such an intimate thing.
00:22:10.480 | - Right.
00:22:11.320 | - And it's just not natural to be doing--
00:22:14.560 | - No, 100% agree.
00:22:15.780 | - That stuff's like, imagine like you just meet someone
00:22:18.500 | in the lobby and like you're not attracted to them at all.
00:22:21.020 | And it's like, okay, now you have to,
00:22:23.060 | you have to fuck them and pretend that you like it.
00:22:25.020 | - Right, no, that's definitely--
00:22:26.880 | - It's awful.
00:22:28.340 | - It's crazy, no, this is definitely crazy to think about.
00:22:30.740 | It's definitely, I mean, I think it's something
00:22:33.440 | obviously more intimate.
00:22:35.040 | But I think, you know, I'm sure guys in the industry,
00:22:38.600 | they don't, they probably don't process stuff
00:22:41.000 | the way females do.
00:22:42.200 | Like they're in their, living their best life, probably.
00:22:45.400 | - That's, so some of them,
00:22:46.920 | so like maybe when they first got into it,
00:22:48.920 | but a lot of them do have problems too.
00:22:51.360 | Like there's like these injections
00:22:54.560 | that guys have to do before the scenes.
00:22:56.360 | Like they can't even get hard anymore.
00:22:58.400 | - Right, yeah, I didn't hear about that.
00:23:00.020 | - Yeah, so they have to like shoot up their dick
00:23:01.800 | with some sort of stimulant, I don't know what it is.
00:23:05.720 | Or I did date one guy when I was in the porn industry
00:23:09.240 | who was like a director and he performed in his own scenes.
00:23:12.560 | And they get, which I've seen this with like celebrity men
00:23:15.880 | too that have hooked up with a lot of girls.
00:23:18.800 | They get so like numb to just regular sex
00:23:22.680 | or just women that they end up having like these
00:23:27.600 | like really intense fetishes 'cause they can't like get off
00:23:31.620 | to normal things anymore.
00:23:33.020 | Like I've met guys who liked being peed on,
00:23:35.620 | who buy cookies with poop in them off the internet
00:23:39.380 | and watch those pooping.
00:23:41.340 | - Honestly I know what you're talking about
00:23:42.820 | because I, even in the NBA, like you talk about,
00:23:45.700 | and this is why I think like porn is dangerous,
00:23:47.900 | but also hooking up with too many people
00:23:49.620 | and because you get desensitized to the normal thing.
00:23:53.740 | And this happens in the NBA.
00:23:54.780 | Like I hear wild stories about some of these dudes,
00:23:57.580 | but like you said.
00:23:58.420 | - Oh, trust me.
00:23:59.260 | (laughing)
00:24:01.180 | - Other celebrities too that their fetishes get so crazy.
00:24:06.020 | You know, they might be a straight man,
00:24:09.780 | but they've done so much stuff with so many pretty girls
00:24:12.820 | and they have so much access to pretty girls
00:24:14.340 | that you know, now they're over here messing with trannies
00:24:17.380 | or now they're over here--
00:24:18.220 | - Or a man.
00:24:19.220 | - Or now they're over here messing with dudes.
00:24:20.740 | And it's like, it's crazy to think about.
00:24:23.900 | And I think, obviously I think the porn industry
00:24:26.300 | has a part to play in that because you watch a,
00:24:29.420 | you know, when you first get introduced to it,
00:24:31.620 | just seeing a girl naked might be enough for you,
00:24:34.180 | but then you keep watching it
00:24:36.340 | and now you're looking at the craziest things
00:24:38.780 | and now normal sex in real life doesn't do it for you.
00:24:42.660 | - Definitely, and also how old were you
00:24:45.300 | the first time that you saw porn?
00:24:47.100 | - Man, my mom caught me too.
00:24:49.700 | (laughing)
00:24:50.660 | But I really didn't want, I just looked up,
00:24:52.360 | like I think I probably was in like, I don't know,
00:24:56.200 | maybe when I was like 11 or 12, maybe 13.
00:25:00.220 | - So young, so you haven't--
00:25:01.820 | - And I just looked up like naked girls
00:25:03.300 | or something like that.
00:25:04.140 | - Yeah, like you like Google boobs or something.
00:25:05.620 | (laughing)
00:25:06.460 | - I was like, all I saw was a naked girl.
00:25:08.140 | I was like, but then like, yeah, so I understand like--
00:25:12.620 | - But imagine like being young
00:25:14.220 | and having no sexual experience yourself
00:25:17.460 | and then you watch like a porn scene for the first time
00:25:20.500 | and then you think that's what sex is,
00:25:23.040 | like this like wild performance.
00:25:25.000 | Like I think one of the first sex scenes I saw
00:25:27.320 | was like Sasha Gray and like she was like wild,
00:25:31.120 | like licking toilet seats, doing like double anal gang bangs
00:25:36.120 | and so this is what I saw and like I thought
00:25:41.000 | when I like first hooked up with my husband,
00:25:44.240 | which is the only person I slept with before porn,
00:25:47.260 | I thought that like how you suck a dick
00:25:50.440 | was like what I saw on camera,
00:25:52.160 | which is like, oh, you have to like deep throat it,
00:25:54.080 | like everything that I thought about sex was what I watched,
00:25:57.840 | which now I've learned like
00:25:59.440 | that's not even what I like at all.
00:26:01.840 | - Hold on, so you was married before you went into porn?
00:26:04.080 | - Yeah.
00:26:04.920 | - So you were married at like what, like 17?
00:26:05.840 | - At 18.
00:26:06.920 | - Oh, wow.
00:26:07.760 | - I met him a week before I turned 18.
00:26:10.020 | - Gotcha, that's crazy.
00:26:11.440 | But now I feel you messes up kind of your perception
00:26:14.840 | of what it's supposed to be
00:26:16.240 | and even I think these dudes nowadays,
00:26:18.240 | I mean, obviously some girls are into some crazy things,
00:26:21.200 | but these dudes that are always watching porn,
00:26:23.680 | they think that this is always what a girl wants
00:26:26.880 | and now they're going to these girls
00:26:28.760 | and not knowing really what they actually enjoy
00:26:32.960 | and like I said, some of these girls are out here
00:26:35.160 | and they're freaks, so they like all this stuff,
00:26:37.040 | but not all of them, you know what I mean?
00:26:38.400 | So I think it's really detrimental to young men
00:26:42.200 | and then if they go and they got a girl
00:26:44.520 | and the girl doesn't wanna do this,
00:26:46.120 | now they can't even really get off to him.
00:26:48.760 | Like I know some dudes that would rather watch porn
00:26:51.480 | than hook up with their girlfriend
00:26:52.600 | because their girlfriend may not do all the things
00:26:54.400 | that they're seeing on the screen.
00:26:55.960 | I feel like that is--
00:26:56.800 | - That's actually wild.
00:26:57.620 | - That is super unhealthy.
00:26:59.080 | - Yeah, no, that's, also I didn't know
00:27:01.200 | how I would feel about that as a girlfriend.
00:27:03.160 | - Yeah, do you think that's considered,
00:27:04.880 | 'cause I know a lot of dudes, you know,
00:27:05.920 | they might have a wife that's ready in the bedroom,
00:27:08.560 | but like she's not doing the things that you see on camera,
00:27:11.160 | so they're going to sneak in the bathroom and watching porn.
00:27:14.120 | As a woman, do you feel like that would be considered
00:27:17.220 | cheating if you were married to a dude?
00:27:19.400 | - I personally feel it might also be a BPD thing,
00:27:24.000 | like 'cause you're very sensitive to rejection,
00:27:26.560 | but I do get very upset if I have a partner
00:27:29.840 | and for whatever reason they don't wanna,
00:27:32.800 | they reject me for sex, it makes me spiral.
00:27:37.800 | So I can only imagine if you're a significant other,
00:27:44.320 | doesn't wanna like fuck you,
00:27:46.240 | and they're more interested in seeing something else,
00:27:48.840 | yeah, it would be extremely hurt.
00:27:50.600 | - Yeah, and I feel like that happens so much nowadays.
00:27:53.720 | - And like rejected and feeling probably
00:27:55.960 | just like shit about yourself.
00:27:57.800 | - Yeah, that makes sense.
00:28:00.520 | But outside, so like now you obviously
00:28:03.360 | have kind of turned your life around
00:28:05.600 | and you're not doing that anymore.
00:28:07.800 | Did it take you a while?
00:28:10.800 | I know you talk about how it's super frustrating for you
00:28:14.520 | anywhere you walk, anywhere you go,
00:28:16.600 | people look at you and they see a porn star
00:28:20.360 | and you've been out of that for so many years now.
00:28:22.860 | - Yeah.
00:28:23.700 | - How do you deal with that?
00:28:26.680 | And did it take you a while to not be triggered by that?
00:28:29.560 | I know it's probably super frustrating.
00:28:32.720 | You're doing your thing outside of that industry now,
00:28:35.840 | but how has that gone for you?
00:28:38.160 | - I used to care a lot more than I do.
00:28:40.800 | Like when I started my podcast with Olivia and Alexa,
00:28:43.780 | I kind of did it in a way to like make myself,
00:28:51.720 | like I wanted to use it in a way to like show people
00:28:55.720 | how I actually was or like really like focused
00:28:59.800 | on like speaking well to sort of beat the stereotype
00:29:03.080 | of like being a dumb porn star.
00:29:05.000 | Like I used to really, really care what people think
00:29:07.680 | and like trying to prove that I wasn't this stereotype.
00:29:10.760 | And then after, when I got pregnant,
00:29:15.320 | like the bullying online got so bad with it
00:29:19.520 | that I just became like tuned out to it
00:29:23.960 | and I don't give a fuck anymore.
00:29:25.720 | Like I don't give a shit.
00:29:26.920 | - I mean, nah, I mean, a lot of athletes
00:29:28.920 | have to go through that too.
00:29:29.760 | So I feel you.
00:29:30.600 | - Oh, you guys get hella bullied, bullied so bad.
00:29:34.200 | Like the worst.
00:29:35.040 | - People talk crazy to us.
00:29:37.320 | And so I know how that feels.
00:29:39.640 | And you really eventually reach a point where it's like,
00:29:41.440 | man, I don't care what these people are talking about.
00:29:43.080 | - No, you can't.
00:29:44.120 | - They have no relevance in my life.
00:29:45.520 | Why are they so concerned what I'm doing?
00:29:47.960 | - And also once you start to like truly know who you are
00:29:51.420 | and like your morals and values,
00:29:54.640 | how can they tell you who you are if you know?
00:29:57.460 | - How has the, you know, being a mother now,
00:30:01.960 | and we talked about this before the podcast,
00:30:03.800 | everybody says there's speculations who the baby daddy is.
00:30:07.120 | And, you know, like.
00:30:09.240 | - Yeah, people are gonna say you're the baby daddy now.
00:30:12.080 | They're gonna like put side by side pictures.
00:30:14.760 | - I know, but like when we were in the playoffs,
00:30:16.800 | obviously like my teammate, Bruce,
00:30:18.360 | who that's who I met you through,
00:30:20.080 | we were all, we're kicking it somewhere out here in LA.
00:30:22.780 | But, you know, like during the playoff we would clap,
00:30:26.080 | we were just like, bro, your picture, is this your baby?
00:30:29.040 | You know what I mean?
00:30:31.680 | But obviously you probably, I mean,
00:30:33.080 | you're keeping that like on the low for a reason.
00:30:36.840 | But how has being a mother kind of changed your life
00:30:39.960 | and changed your perspective?
00:30:41.000 | Do you feel like, has it helped you?
00:30:43.780 | - It's kind of like you win some and you lose some,
00:30:48.380 | you know, my pregnancy caused a lot of like health issues
00:30:53.040 | that I finally like have gotten under control
00:30:55.480 | and like sort of those also diminished my mental health.
00:30:59.080 | Like probably for the past two years until recently,
00:31:02.160 | I was in like the worst mental health state
00:31:05.500 | that I'd ever been in.
00:31:06.720 | However, because I grew up in a house with a sister
00:31:11.560 | who was extremely mentally ill
00:31:12.880 | and it was like very toxic for me,
00:31:16.080 | no matter what, I always make sure
00:31:18.360 | to never let my son see that.
00:31:20.520 | And to always make sure that whether I'm depressed
00:31:23.480 | and stuck in bed, that he has the best nanny
00:31:26.740 | taking him to go and do activities
00:31:28.540 | if I can't do that with him,
00:31:30.200 | or taking him out to dinner.
00:31:31.880 | Because I, like, I don't want the things
00:31:34.080 | that I go through to affect him.
00:31:36.120 | And I really don't think that they do
00:31:37.960 | 'cause I'm super careful about it.
00:31:40.120 | But, sorry, what was the original question?
00:31:44.880 | - No, I was just curious how just being a mother,
00:31:46.480 | like, has this changed your life or perspective?
00:31:50.200 | - Well, recently, so I started taking medication,
00:31:52.560 | like going to therapy and the relationship that I have
00:31:57.260 | with being a mother is just so great now.
00:32:00.680 | Like, I really look at him and I'm like,
00:32:02.320 | oh my God, I'm like so lucky to have you.
00:32:05.000 | - Yeah.
00:32:05.840 | - Like, just really, really enjoying it.
00:32:07.400 | Actually, recently, 'cause he usually goes to school,
00:32:10.640 | and like, I haven't even been wanting
00:32:11.920 | to send him to school lately,
00:32:13.360 | 'cause I'm like, I need to spend all the time with you.
00:32:16.560 | - Is the dad, like, around for real?
00:32:19.640 | Or like, is it just you or how's that going?
00:32:21.960 | - Just me, he's only met his dad one time.
00:32:25.080 | And after that, like, the dad wasn't super nice to me.
00:32:32.160 | He wasn't nice about it, so I was just like,
00:32:35.600 | I'm not trying this with you anymore.
00:32:38.040 | - Was he more mad about the fact that you had the kid?
00:32:41.000 | Or like, did he not want you to have the kid?
00:32:43.720 | Or why would, I can't imagine,
00:32:46.320 | even if it was like a girl who I messed up with
00:32:50.080 | and I don't want nothing to do with her.
00:32:52.440 | If I had a kid with that woman,
00:32:54.600 | I don't care how much I don't like her,
00:32:55.640 | I'm still trying to spend time with my kid.
00:32:57.280 | - Also, like, it wasn't a one-time thing.
00:32:59.200 | Like, he told me that he loved me.
00:33:02.440 | Like, and then there's like other things
00:33:06.760 | that like, we had quit talking
00:33:08.560 | before I even found out that I was pregnant.
00:33:10.760 | And like, he might've even had a girlfriend
00:33:14.160 | that I didn't know about, which might be like part of it.
00:33:17.380 | And so it always was just like,
00:33:22.440 | I actually wrote like a poem about this on my Tumblr.
00:33:27.760 | He never asked me to get an abortion or anything like that.
00:33:30.800 | But constantly throughout my pregnancy,
00:33:32.920 | I had never seen him since like the night
00:33:35.040 | that we conceived our son.
00:33:37.040 | I actually saw him last week
00:33:38.680 | for the first time in three years.
00:33:40.480 | But he would call me during my pregnancy,
00:33:42.780 | like every few months and be like,
00:33:46.040 | "Hey, like, I'm worried that you're gonna like,
00:33:49.120 | people are gonna find out this or that.
00:33:50.800 | Like, can you please like do this?"
00:33:52.280 | Like expecting me to protect him.
00:33:53.880 | And I did for so long, just like out of love.
00:33:57.000 | Like, everyone's like, "Oh, he paid her money
00:33:59.320 | or she has an NDA."
00:34:00.760 | Like, no, I don't.
00:34:01.880 | Like, that's the father of my child.
00:34:04.120 | Like, I'm not trying to do anything bad to him.
00:34:07.440 | Like, my son looks just like him.
00:34:09.440 | So like, no matter what happens,
00:34:11.080 | I automatically will always have so much love for him
00:34:13.960 | because he's like part of my son.
00:34:15.640 | - Right, I think that's honestly like,
00:34:18.240 | that's every dude who gets a girl pregnant's dream
00:34:20.600 | is you could just tell her like, "Yo, can you..."
00:34:23.480 | - You just take care of it yourself?
00:34:25.200 | - Well, no, not even that.
00:34:26.280 | It's more the fact that you,
00:34:28.160 | I think it's crazy how you,
00:34:30.240 | I mean, a lot of dudes would pay the girl
00:34:31.520 | not to say who it was
00:34:34.760 | or just pay the girl to take care of the baby.
00:34:37.000 | But like, you just didn't even,
00:34:39.040 | you never have really come out and criticized the father
00:34:42.440 | or talked down about the father.
00:34:44.280 | You've just, you know, been a mother.
00:34:46.400 | - I mean, I've made some jokes online about it,
00:34:48.880 | but he's gotten mad about.
00:34:51.360 | No, nothing crazy.
00:34:52.440 | Like, I've made like jokes, like in passing,
00:34:55.800 | like, "Don't have kids with NBA players."
00:34:57.840 | Or like, one time I was like shooting a hoop
00:35:01.200 | and I was like, "Well, I did have NBA DNA in me
00:35:03.960 | "for 10 months."
00:35:05.440 | - Yeah, you got a chip.
00:35:06.560 | - I got a call after that.
00:35:07.400 | I did not like those jokes.
00:35:08.960 | - Really?
00:35:10.560 | Man, no, that's crazy.
00:35:12.760 | My, one of my last questions for you is,
00:35:15.440 | like, you talk about how it's been a process
00:35:18.440 | to kind of find an identity,
00:35:19.880 | like outside of the industry and whatever.
00:35:22.720 | And your real name's actually not Lana.
00:35:24.240 | It's Amara, correct?
00:35:25.640 | - Amara.
00:35:26.480 | - So if you kind of like, have you ever considered
00:35:29.880 | just going and leaving the Lana Rhodes, like behind
00:35:34.360 | and going by your real name and like,
00:35:37.520 | or is, I just wondered, like,
00:35:39.160 | I thought your real name was Lana.
00:35:40.560 | And then I was doing some.
00:35:41.400 | - Yeah, sometimes I think my real name is Lana.
00:35:43.640 | - Yeah, I was doing some research before this podcast
00:35:45.480 | and it was like Amara Maple.
00:35:47.120 | And I was like, "Huh."
00:35:47.960 | - All my friends call me Lana.
00:35:50.400 | - Really?
00:35:51.240 | - Yeah.
00:35:52.080 | - So you just, that's just, that's just the name?
00:35:54.040 | - It might be like going back to like the BPD thing.
00:35:57.000 | Like you really don't have like a sense of identity.
00:35:59.640 | So I've never really resonated with like having a name.
00:36:03.080 | Like even when I was a dancer, I had Farrah as my name.
00:36:06.880 | And all my friends called me that,
00:36:08.240 | that I knew from the club.
00:36:09.600 | Or Amara, which is what my family calls me.
00:36:14.040 | I think like when I have boyfriends,
00:36:15.920 | like sometimes we like switch on and off
00:36:17.400 | from using Amara or Lana.
00:36:19.240 | But I just, I really don't notice.
00:36:22.280 | And sometimes I actually do think that my name is Lana.
00:36:25.240 | - Huh, that's interesting.
00:36:27.480 | So what going forward for you, like, is your,
00:36:30.480 | like going forward, where do you want to go from here?
00:36:33.720 | Like, is it just continue with the,
00:36:36.800 | with the OnlyFans stuff and influencer stuff?
00:36:39.720 | Or do you have other goals in your life going forward?
00:36:43.760 | Or kind of, where do you go from here?
00:36:46.000 | - I just, I want to
00:36:51.840 | just keep having something that I'm like impassioned about.
00:36:55.560 | And right now it's making clothes
00:36:57.440 | and just like even designing my own furniture for my house.
00:37:01.600 | Or recently writing,
00:37:03.360 | which I never thought that I was good at
00:37:06.280 | 'cause I dropped out of school in eighth grade.
00:37:08.440 | But I wrote a few poems on Tumblr and people were like,
00:37:11.240 | "Oh my God, you're like such a good writer."
00:37:14.000 | And I never thought that I was.
00:37:15.880 | So that's helped me a lot recently.
00:37:17.520 | Just like always having a passion.
00:37:19.520 | And then like, if you can find a way
00:37:21.000 | to turn that passion into income,
00:37:22.680 | like that's obviously amazing.
00:37:24.920 | And, but the most important thing to me
00:37:27.640 | is just like being the best mom ever.
00:37:30.760 | Like that comes first before anything.
00:37:33.320 | - He looks like his baby daddy.
00:37:35.360 | - Yeah.
00:37:36.960 | - Have you ever thought about writing a book?
00:37:38.360 | Like, I feel like-
00:37:39.560 | - Everyone on Tumblr is telling me to.
00:37:41.280 | They're like, "You're writing so good,
00:37:42.400 | you have to write a book."
00:37:43.680 | - No, that'd be cool.
00:37:44.600 | I mean, I don't know if you'd write fiction or nonfiction,
00:37:46.520 | but I feel like your story,
00:37:49.400 | it is a good story like to get out there.
00:37:52.120 | Just because I feel like it helps a lot of people.
00:37:56.640 | When you can hear from a woman like you
00:37:59.080 | who was in the industry,
00:37:59.920 | but has so much to say about what it's really like,
00:38:03.000 | it can kind of, you know,
00:38:04.520 | you can't really watch that stuff
00:38:06.680 | and look at these girls the same.
00:38:07.880 | And I feel like a lot of men like objectify women,
00:38:11.560 | you know, it's just like a natural,
00:38:13.720 | I don't know if it's definitely not natural,
00:38:15.280 | but it's like-
00:38:16.120 | - Part of like culture.
00:38:16.960 | - It's part of the culture now.
00:38:18.080 | And I feel like a lot of women even nowadays
00:38:20.960 | fall into that thinking like,
00:38:23.640 | "Oh, this is just how it is.
00:38:24.880 | Like men objectify me, this is what I'm gonna do."
00:38:28.280 | - Or like they feel like they have to like
00:38:30.240 | have sex with men to get love or-
00:38:33.440 | - Or you live in LA and it's even like these girls,
00:38:36.200 | like I know these girls out here doing anything
00:38:39.320 | for acceptance or job opportunities or,
00:38:43.200 | and I just think-
00:38:44.040 | - Or even like a guy like flies around there,
00:38:46.280 | like, "Oh my God, he bought me a flight,
00:38:47.600 | now I have to have sex with him."
00:38:49.080 | Like, what? No.
00:38:51.360 | - You don't think if a dude fly you out,
00:38:53.080 | the girl gotta be giving it up?
00:38:54.400 | - Fuck no, no.
00:38:55.480 | I've had a guy buy me a private jet to go somewhere
00:38:58.600 | and I didn't hook up with him.
00:39:00.720 | - He wasn't hot?
00:39:02.520 | - No, it's not.
00:39:03.360 | I have some of the most attractive men I've ever seen.
00:39:05.600 | - No, I'm saying he wasn't mad.
00:39:06.440 | Like he wasn't mad that you didn't use.
00:39:09.120 | - I don't care.
00:39:10.480 | I'm not doing something that I don't wanna do.
00:39:12.280 | - No, for sure.
00:39:13.120 | I'm just saying like-
00:39:14.400 | - Like they can be mad all that they want.
00:39:16.160 | And if they show that they're mad,
00:39:17.560 | then I'm not gonna talk to them anymore, so.
00:39:20.240 | - Yeah, that's definitely,
00:39:21.560 | I think dudes that are flying girls out,
00:39:24.800 | I think there's definitely an expectation.
00:39:26.280 | I don't know if it's a good expectation.
00:39:28.040 | I think if a dude is like,
00:39:29.480 | "I'm spending any money on this girl,"
00:39:31.320 | like, yeah, like, she better be worth it.
00:39:34.440 | - But that's not, the girl should not,
00:39:38.120 | like she should feel like she's worth more
00:39:39.680 | than whatever money he spent on it.
00:39:42.120 | And also not feel obligated to give,
00:39:46.160 | like going back to like giving someone something
00:39:49.240 | that you don't have to give.
00:39:50.600 | Like if you're not 100% sure
00:39:52.640 | that you wanna have sex with that person,
00:39:55.000 | or give your body to that person,
00:39:57.720 | or be intimate with them for like,
00:40:00.720 | 'cause you really want it,
00:40:02.880 | and it's like for some other reason,
00:40:04.320 | or you're unsure, like you shouldn't,
00:40:06.400 | you definitely should not do it.
00:40:07.880 | - And it's crazy you say that,
00:40:08.920 | 'cause we had this conversation with some of my teammates
00:40:11.520 | the other day on the bus.
00:40:13.280 | We were talking about like a girl who we would view
00:40:15.680 | as like a wifey, or like a girlfriend,
00:40:17.880 | like a girl you would cuff,
00:40:18.720 | versus a girl that you would just hook up with.
00:40:20.280 | And we were like, "Okay, if she's giving it up
00:40:24.000 | "the first night, like how would you view her?"
00:40:27.280 | And we were all kinda like,
00:40:28.800 | "Well, we probably wouldn't wife that girl,
00:40:30.240 | "'cause if she's giving it up on the first night,
00:40:31.580 | "then she probably has done that multiple times."
00:40:34.520 | Then we were like, "Okay, then when is the right time
00:40:37.160 | "to give it up, second night, third night,
00:40:38.620 | "like for a date, whenever?"
00:40:40.780 | - And it really is, I think, for these girls out there
00:40:44.100 | that think that they should be giving it up
00:40:47.140 | when a dude is pressuring them,
00:40:48.720 | or he does something nice for 'em,
00:40:52.640 | but they really don't have that connection yet.
00:40:54.740 | Like, dudes aren't gonna view you as a girlfriend,
00:40:59.580 | or like, they would never wanna cuff you
00:41:01.140 | if you're just giving it up right away.
00:41:03.000 | So, your advice is really good.
00:41:04.860 | - If you stand on your ground,
00:41:06.460 | and like you respect yourself in that way,
00:41:08.780 | like, I've honestly never had any problems
00:41:11.620 | with guys being mad about it.
00:41:13.180 | And like, I did porn before,
00:41:14.620 | so people automatically assume
00:41:16.540 | that I'm going to sleep with people,
00:41:18.460 | or that I've slept with all the NBA players
00:41:21.560 | that I've hung out with.
00:41:24.060 | I've never slept with any of them,
00:41:25.180 | besides the one that I have a kid with.
00:41:27.140 | But none of these guys have gotten upset with me
00:41:30.760 | for not sleeping with them,
00:41:32.320 | no matter what they had bought me,
00:41:34.380 | or like, we've gone on trips together.
00:41:37.700 | - They tend to respect you.
00:41:40.300 | - Yeah, like we end up having
00:41:41.900 | like a respectful, good friendship.
00:41:44.860 | - I think, yeah, and I think that these girls nowadays
00:41:48.100 | definitely kind of think the opposite.
00:41:49.220 | They get pressured, or they wanna make a dude happy.
00:41:52.160 | Or like you said, that you kind of struggle
00:41:54.140 | with the people-pleasing thing.
00:41:56.300 | They think that they gotta make this dude happy.
00:41:58.660 | But if you really wanna,
00:42:00.060 | I don't know what these girls want.
00:42:00.980 | Some girls just want to be able to say,
00:42:03.620 | oh, I hooked up with this guy, whatever.
00:42:04.980 | But if you're a girl that really wants
00:42:06.420 | to be valued by a dude,
00:42:09.660 | and not just thought of as like a whatever,
00:42:12.660 | like an object, like we've been talking about,
00:42:15.380 | then it's not always bad to wait a while.
00:42:19.340 | - Also, you mentioned having a connection.
00:42:22.260 | So perhaps it's not necessarily like,
00:42:25.540 | oh, she slept with him too early.
00:42:27.700 | But say she does sleep with him
00:42:29.440 | before they have that connection,
00:42:30.860 | and it's not someone that you actually have
00:42:32.540 | that chemistry or connection with,
00:42:34.140 | then it's not gonna work anyway.
00:42:36.060 | You know?
00:42:36.900 | You can't force it from having sex with them early.
00:42:39.180 | - Yeah, that might mess it up even worse.
00:42:41.100 | But if you wait a while,
00:42:44.100 | now even the sex would probably be better,
00:42:46.740 | because you actually got to know them as a person.
00:42:48.780 | - Or you could decide that you don't wanna sleep with them.
00:42:51.500 | Usually I'll hang out with a guy four times,
00:42:53.780 | and on the fourth time, I know if there's someone
00:42:56.260 | that I'm going to be in love with and wanna have sex with.
00:42:59.780 | If it doesn't happen with the fourth time,
00:43:00.980 | I'm like, okay, I don't like him like that.
00:43:03.060 | - How has the dating thing been for you
00:43:05.700 | since you've kinda left that industry?
00:43:10.140 | Is it difficult for you?
00:43:11.340 | Is it easy?
00:43:12.180 | How does that go?
00:43:13.660 | - Dating was easier after than when I was younger,
00:43:18.660 | because I had more respect for myself.
00:43:21.540 | My last relationship was really good,
00:43:24.740 | but I ended up getting pregnant two months after.
00:43:27.620 | And then now I just really don't have time
00:43:30.040 | for a relationship.
00:43:31.620 | I haven't hooked up with anyone since April,
00:43:35.220 | which is, I was super in love with that boy,
00:43:37.940 | but we're not dating or anything,
00:43:40.700 | because I don't have time.
00:43:41.900 | I can't text a boy all day long.
00:43:45.020 | I have to work.
00:43:45.860 | I have to take care of my kid.
00:43:47.380 | I'm not gonna go out and leave my child every night
00:43:50.940 | to go hang out with you.
00:43:52.060 | So I just don't have time right now.
00:43:53.740 | - Do dudes ever try to hold?
00:43:56.300 | 'Cause I know dudes are petty.
00:43:58.100 | Even me, I'm not acting like I'm--
00:44:00.100 | - He's an angel.
00:44:00.940 | Oh, I know.
00:44:02.140 | - How do you know?
00:44:03.220 | - I've heard your talks.
00:44:04.420 | - No, I'm talking more like,
00:44:08.460 | do dudes try to hold things over your head from the past?
00:44:12.500 | 'Cause I know me, I could be messing with a girl,
00:44:16.340 | and I hear something about something she did in the past
00:44:19.540 | or whatever, and it'll still make me mad.
00:44:22.780 | I don't know if that's, that's probably not good,
00:44:24.300 | but it'll still make me mad.
00:44:25.700 | Do dudes try to hold things over your head?
00:44:27.780 | - I mean, that's probably something
00:44:28.600 | that you need to work on.
00:44:29.980 | - You know?
00:44:30.820 | - Yeah, no, it is.
00:44:31.660 | I don't know why, I don't know why I do that.
00:44:33.380 | - No, no, it happens.
00:44:34.540 | How old are you?
00:44:35.700 | - 25.
00:44:36.540 | - Oh, see, you're still so young.
00:44:37.940 | Like, I used to be-- - How old are you?
00:44:39.460 | - I just turned 27.
00:44:41.100 | But I used to be super jealous, too.
00:44:44.660 | And honestly, it changes over time.
00:44:47.300 | And you just, when you get older,
00:44:49.340 | you have a better understanding
00:44:51.380 | of relationships and connections.
00:44:54.540 | And I personally, if I ever was to be in a relationship,
00:44:57.100 | I would never be, even though I don't wanna sleep
00:44:59.620 | with other people, I'd never be like,
00:45:00.940 | "Oh, you can't sleep with other people,"
00:45:02.740 | or, "You have to do this or do that."
00:45:04.380 | 'Cause I personally think that it's way more powerful
00:45:07.460 | if you believe that you have this like,
00:45:11.060 | or you're with someone that you have
00:45:12.500 | a really special connection with,
00:45:13.740 | but you know they can't find somewhere else.
00:45:15.940 | And it's more powerful if someone,
00:45:17.980 | like they have the options to do whatever they want,
00:45:19.900 | but they always choose you.
00:45:21.380 | - 100%.
00:45:22.220 | - You know, so that's kind of like what elite,
00:45:23.660 | having that mindset got rid of like that jealousy
00:45:26.220 | and insecurity that I used to have.
00:45:28.300 | But guys have held it over my head.
00:45:30.340 | And me and my ex, we got in a really like,
00:45:33.380 | crazy fight one night.
00:45:35.140 | And actually I've had two boyfriends say this to me.
00:45:38.700 | They would say, "No one's ever going to love you
00:45:42.460 | "because you did porn and you're a whore."
00:45:46.540 | - Seriously?
00:45:47.380 | - And yeah. - So then why would they,
00:45:48.460 | if that's really what they thought,
00:45:49.700 | they would still love you? - Well 'cause they try
00:45:50.540 | to tell you like, "Oh, I'm the only one
00:45:52.540 | "that's ever gonna love you, so you have to stay with me."
00:45:54.900 | - They're toxic, not me. - Yeah, yeah, no.
00:45:57.500 | - That's crazy, yeah.
00:45:59.060 | Nah, I definitely, as I've gotten older,
00:46:01.500 | I've realized when I was watching a podcast,
00:46:03.300 | I think with, do you know a girl named Brittany Rayner?
00:46:05.500 | Do you know who that is?
00:46:06.340 | - Oh yeah, no, I love her.
00:46:07.500 | - I was watching a podcast,
00:46:09.300 | I think she was on there with Andrew Tate.
00:46:12.940 | I was watching the podcast and she was talking about,
00:46:17.060 | just, you know, she's done some things in the past,
00:46:19.020 | but she's not doing them anymore.
00:46:20.340 | And like, are women like redeemable,
00:46:22.740 | like in the eyes of men,
00:46:24.220 | like if they've done things in the past
00:46:26.620 | and now they're a whole different person,
00:46:29.580 | like you, or I don't know if she's changed
00:46:32.380 | what she was doing, but like her.
00:46:34.380 | And I think Andrew Tate said something like,
00:46:37.260 | "It just depends on the dude," or something.
00:46:39.540 | I forget exactly what he said,
00:46:40.820 | but I think the right dude, you know,
00:46:43.540 | obviously in a mature man, for me,
00:46:47.620 | I've had to think about why do I get so mad
00:46:51.820 | about something that the girl might have did in the past
00:46:53.940 | or who she was messing with in the past,
00:46:55.340 | because, and I'm a dude who-
00:46:57.980 | - She had no idea she was gonna meet you in the future.
00:47:00.620 | - And I've done wild stuff in the past too,
00:47:02.660 | so if a girl was gonna hold that over my head,
00:47:05.180 | then I would be in trouble
00:47:07.180 | because I've done some wild stuff.
00:47:08.460 | And I've definitely been a dude back in the day
00:47:11.380 | who had like double standards,
00:47:12.620 | like, oh, I can have a crazy past,
00:47:14.060 | but she can't have any type of past,
00:47:16.260 | so I'm not messing with her.
00:47:17.700 | But I think, like you said, as you get older
00:47:19.220 | and you see people like for who they are,
00:47:21.380 | and you kind of like meet them where they're at,
00:47:24.460 | like if you fall in love with this person
00:47:26.980 | and you like this person,
00:47:27.820 | you got to accept them for who they are
00:47:31.420 | and what they've done and-
00:47:32.540 | - Yeah, 'cause that's what made them
00:47:34.180 | the person that you love,
00:47:36.060 | all the experiences that they had.
00:47:38.060 | - 100%, so I definitely think that's something
00:47:40.100 | that comes with maturity.
00:47:41.620 | But now, I really appreciate you coming on.
00:47:44.500 | I don't like to keep people on here that long.
00:47:46.060 | I just, you know, people that I find either inspirational
00:47:49.380 | or people that I'm just curious about their stories
00:47:51.100 | or whatever, I like to have them on here
00:47:52.220 | and just ask a few questions that I'm curious about
00:47:54.900 | and then let 'em go.
00:47:56.060 | So I appreciate you. - Curious Mike.
00:47:58.460 | - I appreciate you helping on the podcast.
00:48:00.380 | - Was it inspired by Curious George?
00:48:03.660 | - Sierra came up with it.
00:48:05.340 | 'Cause I've always just been a curious dude.
00:48:06.900 | I'd always ask wild questions and just speak my mind.
00:48:10.580 | And honestly, the podcast kind of came about
00:48:14.020 | because you know how people on the internet are.
00:48:16.420 | And if you tweet something that's kind of like
00:48:18.820 | against the norm or you Instagram something,
00:48:21.540 | you get like crucified and people don't even know
00:48:23.740 | like what you were talking about.
00:48:24.820 | They don't know context.
00:48:26.380 | They'll take like a tweet or whatever and blow it up.
00:48:29.100 | So I was like, what if I came out with a podcast
00:48:31.500 | and I could have like unfiltered conversations
00:48:34.300 | or conversations that people are kind of scared to have
00:48:37.260 | or whatever and just be like open.
00:48:38.900 | 'Cause I feel like, you know, that creates a space
00:48:42.060 | for understanding and more.
00:48:44.420 | So that's kind of how I feel.
00:48:45.260 | - Yeah, you can hope so.
00:48:46.620 | Some people never will though.
00:48:48.220 | You can hope so that people understand
00:48:50.380 | that sometimes they never will.
00:48:51.540 | - Right, nah, and you gotta accept that.
00:48:53.180 | But nah, I appreciate you Lana.
00:48:54.700 | - Thank you.
00:48:55.540 | - For sure.
00:48:56.380 | Curious Mike out.
00:48:57.340 | (laughing)
00:48:58.420 | (upbeat music)
00:49:01.000 | (upbeat music)
00:49:03.580 | (upbeat music)