Lana Rhoades on the Dark Side of the Porn Industry, Why She Left and Where She's At Now
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat hip hop music)
00:00:03.240 | - Welcome to another episode of Curious Mike.
00:00:12.240 | I am here with Lana Rhodes.
00:00:14.280 | Yeah, so people are gonna be surprised
00:00:18.520 | that we're on a podcast together,
00:00:20.880 | but I actually came across one of your podcasts
00:00:22.880 | that you used to do,
00:00:23.880 | 'cause I was messing with one of your friends,
00:00:26.720 | and she sent me the podcast,
00:00:27.960 | and you were talking about just the dark sides
00:00:30.840 | of the adult film industry and the porn industry,
00:00:34.360 | which you used to be a part of,
00:00:36.160 | and it really just, I was really interested,
00:00:38.840 | and honestly, inspired by your story.
00:00:41.760 | So that's kinda why I wanna have you on,
00:00:43.560 | and I appreciate you being vulnerable
00:00:45.560 | and coming on the podcast.
00:00:47.200 | - No, thank you, that's so sweet.
00:00:49.680 | - Yeah, not for sure.
00:00:50.640 | So let's start off just with your childhood.
00:00:52.460 | I feel like a lot of people who end up
00:00:55.260 | in the sex industry at all
00:00:57.440 | kinda have an unorthodox kinda upbringing.
00:00:59.600 | Was yours a usual upbringing,
00:01:02.320 | or how'd that go growing up?
00:01:03.720 | - So there's a lot of things
00:01:06.080 | that I've come to terms with recently
00:01:08.360 | that I didn't even realize were wrong in my childhood.
00:01:11.920 | Like the past year, I've started going to therapy,
00:01:16.240 | and I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder,
00:01:19.900 | and I've been through so many things
00:01:24.160 | that I was like, oh, maybe this caused it,
00:01:26.120 | or this caused it.
00:01:27.720 | And the one thing that really,
00:01:31.400 | I feel like if you don't have borderline BPD,
00:01:36.840 | you won't understand the feeling.
00:01:38.560 | But basically to figure it out,
00:01:39.960 | I had to go back and think,
00:01:41.640 | when was the first time that I had this feeling
00:01:45.800 | that no one loves me,
00:01:47.620 | and just overwhelming emotions
00:01:50.860 | to the point where it feels like
00:01:52.520 | you have to hurt yourself in some way.
00:01:56.020 | And so that came from just like when you're a young child
00:02:01.020 | and you're developing your attachment to parents
00:02:05.940 | or emotional regulation skills,
00:02:09.460 | if people invalidate you,
00:02:10.880 | like say you're crying and your parents yell at you
00:02:14.220 | to make you stop or they hit you,
00:02:16.420 | and I'm talking like two, three years old,
00:02:19.760 | obviously you should never hit your kids.
00:02:22.720 | It can cause that.
00:02:25.520 | And I just had no idea.
00:02:27.240 | I actually thought that everyone's parents hit them.
00:02:31.280 | And I really thought that,
00:02:33.600 | I thought maybe it just started young doing it.
00:02:37.720 | And I asked a couple of my friends,
00:02:39.280 | I was like, how old were you
00:02:40.680 | when your parents hit you for the first time?
00:02:42.800 | And they were like, what?
00:02:43.640 | My parents never hit me.
00:02:44.960 | So there's just a lot.
00:02:48.840 | And then I have a sister who has schizophrenia too.
00:02:52.360 | So I feel like I wasn't dealt like the best hand of cards
00:02:57.360 | when it comes to like family circumstances,
00:03:01.040 | which definitely contributed to the decisions
00:03:04.440 | that I made when I was older,
00:03:06.040 | because if your brain is just like completely like warped
00:03:10.480 | from going through so much,
00:03:12.200 | like going through certain things
00:03:14.600 | can actually change your brain chemistry
00:03:18.080 | and damage it.
00:03:22.260 | And so I don't think that I would have made the decisions
00:03:26.120 | that I made if I was in a better state of mind,
00:03:31.120 | because I only was in the industry
00:03:34.800 | for a short period of time.
00:03:36.800 | And that was because I finally was able to like get away
00:03:40.320 | from where I was living and like be separated
00:03:42.920 | and live my own life and experience the world
00:03:45.560 | and kind of like heal.
00:03:47.160 | 'Cause I wasn't in that constant.
00:03:49.400 | - Right, was there, did you have your father around or no?
00:03:53.340 | - No, so my parents got divorced
00:03:55.900 | when my mom was pregnant with me.
00:03:58.220 | - Gotcha. - Yeah.
00:03:59.700 | - So yeah, obviously like growing up was tough.
00:04:01.620 | I had a woman on the podcast
00:04:04.420 | who also she kind of ended up in the industry.
00:04:06.820 | She actually was trafficked and she had a similar childhood.
00:04:11.380 | I don't think she had a father figure around
00:04:13.100 | and her upbringing wasn't the best
00:04:15.420 | and it led her to hanging around some people
00:04:17.020 | and idolizing certain things.
00:04:18.780 | And she ended up, you know, in a really messed up situation.
00:04:23.260 | So, you know, you go through that childhood
00:04:26.420 | and then I think your teenage years
00:04:29.300 | is when you kind of started getting into the industry.
00:04:32.740 | How did that kind of unfold?
00:04:34.140 | Like, what was the steps that you took
00:04:36.700 | to even, you know, get into that?
00:04:38.400 | - Well, yeah, it was kind of like a progressive
00:04:43.860 | like ladder effect.
00:04:45.420 | I started out working at like a restaurant
00:04:48.020 | similar to Hooters when I was 17.
00:04:50.660 | And it's not that I don't like know my dad at all.
00:04:54.820 | I just don't spend a lot of time with him.
00:04:58.580 | But he like signed the paper so that I could work there
00:05:01.500 | because it's like a restaurant
00:05:02.700 | where you have to wear like a sexy outfit
00:05:04.100 | and I wasn't even 18.
00:05:05.400 | So that was like my first like kind of job
00:05:09.320 | where men sexualize you and look at you in that way.
00:05:12.980 | And I never thought that I was like pretty
00:05:15.860 | or anything growing up.
00:05:17.060 | So it was, I was like, wow, they hired me here.
00:05:20.020 | Like I'm pretty enough to work here.
00:05:22.460 | And then like guys coming up to me and giving me $20
00:05:25.940 | and being like, you're so hot, here's $20.
00:05:28.860 | It was just like, it was so weird to me
00:05:32.300 | but also validating
00:05:33.540 | 'cause I didn't have that self-esteem.
00:05:36.020 | So I kind of went further down the rabbit hole.
00:05:38.980 | When I turned 18, I left that job
00:05:40.820 | and I went straight to becoming a dancer at a club.
00:05:46.140 | And then after that, it was porn.
00:05:48.860 | - Right.
00:05:49.700 | And I don't wanna spend too much time
00:05:52.420 | kind of in that period of your life
00:05:53.960 | which is a very brief period.
00:05:55.460 | I think a total, you said you filmed around eight months?
00:05:58.500 | - Yeah, like two, four months stints.
00:06:01.120 | - Got you.
00:06:02.200 | What I really kind of wanna get at is the fact that,
00:06:05.660 | in terms of being a porn star,
00:06:08.460 | like you had everything that any girl
00:06:10.460 | in that industry would want.
00:06:11.660 | You got the fame, you got the popularity,
00:06:13.940 | probably were making more money than most girls.
00:06:16.380 | And you kind of threw that all away
00:06:19.820 | and now are kind of an advocate against a lot of this stuff
00:06:24.140 | and you speak openly and you're very passionate
00:06:25.840 | about kind of what goes on
00:06:28.220 | in the dark sides of the porn industry
00:06:31.500 | and how it's not, everything kind of isn't as it seems.
00:06:34.520 | So what kind of brought about your change in perspective?
00:06:40.700 | - I am just, I actually had an experience last,
00:06:45.700 | so I started doing OnlyFans again
00:06:48.940 | and I had an experience last night
00:06:51.660 | with another girl that reminded me
00:06:54.980 | of how I felt in those times.
00:06:57.420 | So it's like, I actually couldn't sleep last night
00:07:01.460 | 'cause I was just so hurt by this happening.
00:07:04.220 | Me and one of my good girlfriends,
00:07:06.900 | we went live on OnlyFans last night
00:07:09.460 | and I just recognized this facial expression that she had
00:07:14.340 | that she looked so uncomfortable.
00:07:16.860 | And this was our third time doing it.
00:07:18.940 | We're friends, we kiss off camera and stuff.
00:07:21.560 | So I wasn't expecting it, but I was like, are you okay?
00:07:25.940 | Are you comfortable?
00:07:26.780 | And she's like, oh, I just have anxiety.
00:07:29.120 | And then she went off to the side and started just bawling
00:07:32.500 | and I turned the live off and it's just such,
00:07:38.300 | I feel honestly destroyed that I even had any part
00:07:43.300 | in someone feeling not comfortable
00:07:48.620 | with what they were doing.
00:07:50.060 | And also she was explaining to me
00:07:52.860 | that she needs to make money for certain things
00:07:54.880 | so she feels like she doesn't say no
00:07:58.360 | to all the things that she would want to.
00:08:00.560 | And it's probably good that this experience happened with me
00:08:03.900 | because I have been through that so much myself
00:08:06.900 | that I was able to give her really good advice,
00:08:09.300 | even though it's something
00:08:10.620 | that literally killed me inside to be part of.
00:08:14.320 | But that's essentially what it was.
00:08:17.180 | It's a bunch of really young girls
00:08:19.620 | who get into the industry.
00:08:20.860 | Like the younger, the better for them.
00:08:23.140 | These girls, like when I started, I looked like a little kid
00:08:26.420 | like I looked like a little kid.
00:08:28.500 | And that's what they like, that's what sells.
00:08:32.580 | And a lot of girls, even my friends,
00:08:36.200 | we don't feel comfortable saying no for some reason.
00:08:40.680 | 'Cause we just, I don't know,
00:08:43.260 | it's just like a natural girl thing.
00:08:45.180 | I think we're taught as children to like be obedient,
00:08:50.180 | especially to like men
00:08:52.620 | or like if you're raised in a religious family,
00:08:54.820 | like it's always like obey your father, stuff like that.
00:08:59.220 | And so it's a really big problem
00:09:00.980 | with girls feeling pressured by like agents
00:09:04.940 | who don't necessarily have their best interest in mind.
00:09:08.900 | And I'm doing a lot of things that really hurt them.
00:09:13.420 | Like for me, there are certain scenes that I did
00:09:16.260 | that I felt like I didn't say anything to them
00:09:20.280 | because it's work and I wanted to be professional.
00:09:23.020 | But for example, when the camera would be behind me
00:09:26.580 | and you couldn't see my face,
00:09:28.460 | I would be gagging or crying
00:09:31.620 | because I felt like I was being raped
00:09:33.860 | because I did not want to be doing it.
00:09:37.000 | And I didn't wanna be feeling the things in my body
00:09:41.460 | that I was feeling.
00:09:42.780 | 'Cause I was honestly like disgusted
00:09:45.280 | by the person that I was having to shoot with
00:09:47.500 | 'cause you don't get to choose.
00:09:49.380 | So it's just stuff like that that can be very damaging.
00:09:52.020 | And it's not the other people's fault.
00:09:58.300 | - It's just a huge problem that there's not really anything
00:10:02.220 | to set up to protect girls that are young and vulnerable
00:10:06.820 | that don't know how to say no
00:10:08.540 | or don't like have self-respect for themselves yet
00:10:12.260 | or care for themselves or love themselves
00:10:14.180 | because they've been through so much and like taught not to.
00:10:17.640 | - And I feel like a lot of people,
00:10:19.340 | I don't know if you guys received the backlash,
00:10:22.180 | like, oh, you guys chose to do this or whatever.
00:10:24.220 | But when you're in your teenage years
00:10:26.740 | and then you're around these older men,
00:10:29.060 | I'm sure they're all older.
00:10:30.100 | - Yeah, they're all in their 40s.
00:10:31.460 | They know exactly how to get you to do what you want,
00:10:34.620 | what they want, to make them money.
00:10:36.560 | - And then you guys don't even really make much, I'm sure.
00:10:41.460 | - No, it's pickles.
00:10:42.820 | Like, I was the number one porn star
00:10:46.900 | and my rate was $1,200 for a sex scene, $1,200.
00:10:51.900 | - That's unbelievable.
00:10:54.740 | - But obviously like a lot of these girls are coming from
00:10:56.820 | small towns, like their families probably don't have money.
00:10:59.900 | I thought $100 at the time was like so much money.
00:11:03.100 | So getting 1,200 was like a big deal.
00:11:06.620 | But then I met this boy who worked in,
00:11:08.620 | not the guy that I ended up dating for a long time,
00:11:11.260 | but I met this other boy that worked
00:11:12.620 | in like YouTube and Instagram.
00:11:14.660 | And he shared with me that he was getting $15,000
00:11:18.400 | to pose with a Jeep on Instagram.
00:11:21.100 | And I was like, I'm getting $1,200 for a sex scene.
00:11:25.380 | This is not okay.
00:11:27.820 | - Yeah, and I think that's one thing like this industry,
00:11:30.540 | like it continues to take off, you know, as time goes on,
00:11:34.860 | you know, more people are exposed to it at a younger age.
00:11:37.420 | It's like, like porn is a real life addiction
00:11:40.620 | for a lot of people.
00:11:41.560 | But a lot of these young men that are introduced to it,
00:11:45.060 | they don't really know kind of behind the scenes
00:11:47.760 | what you guys deal with.
00:11:48.700 | They look at these girls on camera and think like,
00:11:51.900 | oh, they're enjoying it, this is what they like,
00:11:54.540 | this is, you know, whatever.
00:11:56.820 | And I think that it's important for people like you,
00:12:00.100 | especially super successful people like you
00:12:03.020 | that decided to leave, like to kind of educate young men.
00:12:06.660 | And I guess young women now,
00:12:07.700 | I saw a lot of young women watch porn too,
00:12:11.260 | but just that it's not, that's not what it is.
00:12:15.220 | It's not, it's glamorous and it's not like these,
00:12:18.780 | it's not what it appears to be kind of.
00:12:21.740 | - Yeah, definitely.
00:12:22.740 | It was like, you could probably could not tell at all
00:12:26.540 | that I felt the way that I did in the certain scenes
00:12:29.460 | because it's a job, it's acting.
00:12:32.340 | And like, I had like pre-planned things
00:12:34.860 | that I was going to say during the scenes,
00:12:36.500 | like facial expressions that I was gonna make,
00:12:39.100 | things that I was gonna do because it's fake, it's fake.
00:12:43.740 | And I also think like the point that you made
00:12:47.140 | that the guys don't understand
00:12:50.380 | what's going on behind the scenes.
00:12:52.020 | And then also that people are like,
00:12:53.300 | oh, you knew what you got into.
00:12:54.740 | And like, you get backlash for talking out about it.
00:12:57.380 | I think it's because men like consuming porn
00:13:00.940 | and they don't wanna feel guilty for consuming it.
00:13:04.420 | And so they don't wanna hear
00:13:05.620 | that I felt the way that I felt.
00:13:07.580 | And they refuse to believe that I'm not like a giant whore
00:13:11.340 | that wants to get like fucked by like a bunch of big dicks.
00:13:15.620 | Like, I'm the biggest prude in real life.
00:13:17.660 | - How did you, did you,
00:13:21.100 | because I know a lot of women that are in that industry,
00:13:24.700 | it's very hard to get out
00:13:26.100 | or like you almost feel like you're stuck.
00:13:27.980 | And even the girls that do,
00:13:29.820 | sometimes the only way out to them may seem like suicide.
00:13:34.380 | Like I saw a stat on your podcast
00:13:36.380 | where it was like the average life expectancy
00:13:39.020 | of someone in the sex industry for a woman is about 37.
00:13:43.900 | And the average life expectancy
00:13:45.180 | outside of that industry is 78, I think.
00:13:47.660 | And I was just like, how is that possible?
00:13:50.180 | So a lot of, obviously a lot of these girls
00:13:52.940 | feel like there's no way out.
00:13:54.620 | How were you able to kind of get out
00:13:57.020 | and kind of just like, I guess,
00:13:59.700 | find your identity outside of the industry?
00:14:02.580 | - I mean, I had to,
00:14:03.860 | or it probably would have led to that point
00:14:06.740 | of like killing myself.
00:14:08.980 | And 'cause I started like towards the end of it,
00:14:10.980 | I started having panic attacks,
00:14:12.700 | like before scenes 'cause I really didn't wanna do them.
00:14:15.180 | And I didn't know how to say, no, I don't wanna do this.
00:14:18.060 | So there really was no choice for me.
00:14:21.660 | It was either like probably going to kill myself
00:14:25.620 | or just do anything to like make something else work.
00:14:30.620 | And this is what I was telling my friend last night,
00:14:33.060 | 'cause she was saying that she's not really happy
00:14:36.180 | with doing OnlyFans anymore.
00:14:38.020 | And I'm like, she has other passions
00:14:39.980 | that she's interested in.
00:14:40.860 | I really believe anyone,
00:14:42.700 | if they just work towards anything that they wanna do,
00:14:45.540 | just a little bit every single day, like you can get there.
00:14:49.580 | Just 'cause a lot of people aren't willing
00:14:51.220 | to like work every single day and put in the effort.
00:14:54.340 | But if you do, it really does pay off.
00:14:56.740 | When I quit porn,
00:14:57.620 | I only had like 200,000 followers on Instagram.
00:15:00.860 | And I met this boy and I was like,
00:15:02.220 | okay, I wanna do what he does.
00:15:03.700 | I wanna be an Instagram influencer.
00:15:05.820 | And I grew my account to over 10 million in one year,
00:15:08.660 | just by literally asking all my friends,
00:15:10.180 | hey, can you take a picture of me today?
00:15:12.180 | Hey, can you help me with this?
00:15:14.020 | And just always posting, like working on my Instagram.
00:15:17.460 | And then I started getting brand deals which sustained me
00:15:21.380 | so that I didn't have to do any sex work.
00:15:24.700 | And then it just progressed over time
00:15:28.140 | with the stuff that I do.
00:15:29.940 | Like I ended up doing YouTube with my boyfriend,
00:15:32.060 | and then a podcast, and now I'm doing fashion.
00:15:35.580 | So I really think like it doesn't really make sense
00:15:39.300 | where I came from in porn to where I am now.
00:15:43.220 | And I think it's really just believing that you can
00:15:47.140 | and putting in effort every single day to get there.
00:15:50.580 | - Yeah, I mean, I find that kind of inspiring
00:15:54.420 | because I know a lot of people,
00:15:55.820 | you hear the term selling yourself for fame or money
00:15:59.020 | or whatever, but like the fact that you were
00:16:02.180 | the number one porn star,
00:16:04.940 | and then you chose to kind of like let all that go.
00:16:07.180 | Like I know I've talked to some rappers who do the music,
00:16:10.620 | and they talk about how they don't really want
00:16:12.940 | to be making the type of music they do.
00:16:15.100 | They don't wanna talk about the violence or the whatever.
00:16:18.420 | They would rather be a positive message.
00:16:21.580 | But the reason that they talk about these things
00:16:24.340 | is because it sells.
00:16:25.340 | And they're making a lot of money,
00:16:28.860 | and they know if they change their message or whatever,
00:16:31.300 | they wouldn't be as successful.
00:16:34.060 | And it's similar in your story because you were doing
00:16:38.700 | all that, but you decided to step down from that
00:16:41.180 | and try to find ways to make money
00:16:44.420 | or find your identity outside of porn.
00:16:45.820 | I feel like that obviously takes a big like leap of faith.
00:16:49.740 | And it's just very hard to do when you kind of have become
00:16:54.540 | something, but you wanna completely shift away from it.
00:16:57.700 | So I admire you for that.
00:17:00.300 | And that's kind of why I wanted to talk to you about this.
00:17:03.200 | But yeah, I think one thing that my sister mentioned
00:17:08.060 | was as this porn industry kind of increases,
00:17:11.200 | you also see like an increase in just the human trafficking,
00:17:16.620 | the sex trafficking as well, which I find that to be like,
00:17:19.820 | I mean, it's probably pretty obvious why they grow together,
00:17:22.700 | but have you seen that?
00:17:24.220 | Can you speak on that?
00:17:25.140 | Or why do you think the rise in porn also equals the rise
00:17:28.540 | in the human trafficking?
00:17:31.140 | How do those kind of collide together?
00:17:33.720 | - I personally haven't like experienced human trafficking.
00:17:39.120 | Or the closest like that I've ever been to meeting someone
00:17:45.180 | who has was I went to Juvie when I was a teen
00:17:49.540 | and really like, it's really sad.
00:17:52.780 | There were some of the most beautiful, amazing girls
00:17:55.820 | that I met in there and they were like 12 years old
00:17:59.500 | and like their parents had been like pimping them out
00:18:02.660 | since they were like 11.
00:18:04.240 | And like this one girl looked like a model.
00:18:07.620 | She was so beautiful and like this was happening to her
00:18:10.360 | because her parents did dope.
00:18:13.060 | And so they were pimping out their 11 year old daughter.
00:18:15.740 | And I remember at one point she like,
00:18:22.540 | like there was like something on her butt or something
00:18:24.740 | and like she wanted me to look at it.
00:18:26.460 | And like, she bent over and she didn't have like underwear on
00:18:30.900 | and like, because if girls like get raped very young
00:18:34.620 | or like have to have sex, it can like ruin their vagina.
00:18:37.900 | And it was just, I felt so bad for her
00:18:41.100 | 'cause she was only 12 and it looked like just,
00:18:46.100 | I don't know, it's hard.
00:18:49.360 | But that's the closest experience that I've had with that.
00:18:53.380 | I'm not like too educated on what's going on with.
00:18:56.660 | - Gotcha. - Yeah.
00:18:58.140 | - Gotcha, now I was just curious about that.
00:18:59.780 | So what advice would you then give to,
00:19:02.620 | so I guess a lot of girls are then going into this industry
00:19:05.020 | obviously by free will.
00:19:06.400 | So what advice, being where you are now
00:19:11.340 | and seeing what you've seen,
00:19:13.500 | what advice would you then give girls
00:19:15.180 | who are considering going into the industry?
00:19:18.340 | - And there's a few things.
00:19:19.700 | One, my experience and other girls' experiences
00:19:23.500 | may be different.
00:19:25.220 | Like I know people, girls who supposedly
00:19:29.820 | really like doing it.
00:19:31.660 | And like, that's fine for them to like doing it.
00:19:34.060 | The difference between me and those girls that I've noticed
00:19:38.300 | is that before I did porn, I was only with one guy.
00:19:41.220 | Like I didn't hook up with people.
00:19:44.220 | I still like have to be in love with someone
00:19:46.580 | to want to like be physical with them.
00:19:49.580 | And the other girls before they did porn,
00:19:52.380 | the ones who like tend to like it more,
00:19:54.620 | it's because they're already doing like gang bangs
00:19:58.660 | in their personal life
00:19:59.820 | or like being very sexually active already.
00:20:04.500 | And so it like makes more sense to them.
00:20:07.540 | - They were like already fucked.
00:20:08.820 | - Yeah, they were already doing it.
00:20:11.700 | And so they're like, why not make money off of it?
00:20:13.700 | And it's something that they enjoy supposedly.
00:20:16.300 | I mean, I'm sure like some of them have had like days
00:20:21.300 | on set that didn't go well.
00:20:24.620 | - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:20:26.820 | Do you feel like, so then what do you think contributes
00:20:29.460 | to the girls who end up in that industry
00:20:33.340 | doing so many drugs or the suicide rates?
00:20:36.380 | Why do you feel like that is so high then?
00:20:38.460 | Do you just feel like there's a lot of girls
00:20:40.340 | that do feel like you?
00:20:41.980 | Or do you just feel like, yeah, what do you think happens?
00:20:46.580 | - I'm kind of going back to like what happened
00:20:48.980 | with my friend last night.
00:20:50.340 | She didn't wanna be doing it,
00:20:55.580 | but she felt like she needed money.
00:20:57.260 | And so like the piece of advice that I gave her was just,
00:21:01.980 | if there's a piece of yourself
00:21:04.020 | that you don't feel like you can give,
00:21:06.020 | don't give it for anything
00:21:07.460 | because that's gonna end up like fucking you up
00:21:09.860 | so bad in the long run.
00:21:11.580 | And like, I know because I gave way too much of myself
00:21:14.140 | that I didn't want to.
00:21:16.740 | And like no money is worth doing that really.
00:21:21.740 | And I imagine like the girls wanting to kill themselves
00:21:26.740 | or like taking drugs, like even just to deal with it,
00:21:30.460 | like to do the scenes maybe
00:21:32.260 | if they don't wanna be doing it
00:21:33.500 | so they can like disassociate
00:21:35.620 | 'cause they just need to like make money
00:21:37.420 | to sustain themselves at that point.
00:21:40.180 | Also like if your body,
00:21:41.700 | it's just not natural for people I think
00:21:45.820 | to be having sex with people that they don't know
00:21:50.300 | and that they're not attracted to.
00:21:52.380 | And also like, even if you do like doing sex work,
00:21:56.220 | there might be a day where you don't like having sex
00:21:59.460 | or you don't wanna be sexual
00:22:01.300 | and you still have to do it anyway.
00:22:03.260 | So it's a bit traumatizing to share your body in that way
00:22:08.260 | 'cause it's such an intimate thing.
00:22:10.500 | - Right.
00:22:11.340 | - And it's just not natural to be doing--
00:22:14.580 | - No, 100% agree.
00:22:15.940 | - That stuff's like, imagine like you just meet someone
00:22:18.540 | in the lobby and like you're not attracted to them at all
00:22:21.060 | and it's like, okay, now you have to fuck them
00:22:23.860 | and pretend that you like it.
00:22:25.060 | - Right.
00:22:25.900 | No, that's definitely--
00:22:26.900 | - It's awful.
00:22:28.340 | - It's crazy.
00:22:29.180 | No, this is definitely crazy to think about.
00:22:30.860 | That's definitely, I mean,
00:22:31.780 | I think it's something obviously more intimate.
00:22:35.060 | But I think, I'm sure guys in the industry,
00:22:38.620 | they probably don't process stuff
00:22:41.060 | the way females do,
00:22:42.180 | like they're in there living their best life probably.
00:22:45.380 | - That's, so some of them,
00:22:46.900 | so like maybe when they first got into it,
00:22:48.900 | but a lot of them do have problems too.
00:22:51.340 | Like there's like these injections
00:22:54.540 | that guys have to do before the scenes.
00:22:56.380 | Like they can't even get hard anymore.
00:22:58.340 | - Right, yeah, I didn't hear about that.
00:23:00.020 | - Yeah, so they have to like shoot up their dick
00:23:01.780 | with some sort of stimulant, I don't know what it is.
00:23:05.700 | Or I did date one guy when I was in the porn industry
00:23:09.220 | who was like a director and he performed in his own scenes.
00:23:12.540 | And they get,
00:23:13.900 | which I've seen this with like celebrity men too
00:23:16.380 | that have hooked up with a lot of girls.
00:23:18.780 | They get so like numb to just regular sex
00:23:22.700 | or just women that they end up
00:23:26.820 | having like these like really intense fetishes
00:23:29.620 | 'cause they can't like get off to normal things anymore.
00:23:33.020 | Like I've met guys who like being peed on,
00:23:35.620 | who buy cookies with poop in them off the internet
00:23:39.340 | and watch those pooping.
00:23:41.300 | - Honestly, I know what you're talking about
00:23:42.820 | because even in the NBA, like you talk about,
00:23:45.660 | and this is why I think like porn is dangerous,
00:23:47.900 | but also hooking up with too many people
00:23:49.580 | and because you get desensitized to the normal thing.
00:23:53.700 | And this happens in the NBA.
00:23:54.780 | Like I hear wild stories about some of these dudes,
00:23:57.580 | but like you said.
00:23:58.420 | - Oh, trust me.
00:23:59.340 | (both laughing)
00:24:02.100 | Other celebrities too that their fetishes get so crazy.
00:24:06.300 | They might be a straight man,
00:24:09.780 | but they've done so much stuff with so many pretty girls
00:24:12.820 | and they have so much access to pretty girls
00:24:14.340 | that now they're over here messing with trannies
00:24:17.380 | or now they're over here messing with dudes.
00:24:20.740 | And it's like, it's crazy to think about.
00:24:23.940 | And I think, obviously,
00:24:25.340 | I think the porn industry has a part to play in that
00:24:27.340 | because you watch a,
00:24:29.780 | when you first get introduced to it,
00:24:31.620 | just seeing a girl naked might be enough for you,
00:24:34.220 | but then you keep watching it
00:24:36.380 | and now you're looking at the craziest things
00:24:38.820 | and now normal sex in real life doesn't do it for you.
00:24:42.700 | - Definitely.
00:24:43.540 | And also, how old were you the first time that you saw porn?
00:24:47.140 | - Man, my mom caught me too.
00:24:49.660 | (both laughing)
00:24:50.700 | But I really didn't want, I just looked up,
00:24:52.400 | like I think I probably was in like, I don't know,
00:24:56.240 | maybe when I was like 11 or 12, maybe 13.
00:25:00.260 | - So young to where you haven't--
00:25:02.020 | - And I just looked up naked girls or something like that.
00:25:03.940 | - Yeah, like you Google boobs or something.
00:25:05.700 | (both laughing)
00:25:07.060 | - All I saw was a naked girl, I was like,
00:25:09.260 | but then like, yeah, so I understand.
00:25:12.620 | - But imagine being young
00:25:14.260 | and having no sexual experience yourself
00:25:17.460 | and then you watch a porn scene for the first time
00:25:20.500 | and then you think that's what sex is,
00:25:23.060 | like this wild performance.
00:25:25.020 | Like I think one of the first sex scenes I saw
00:25:27.340 | was Sasha Gray.
00:25:29.540 | And like, she was like wild, like licking toilet seats,
00:25:32.920 | doing like double anal gang bangs.
00:25:36.980 | And so this is what I saw.
00:25:38.860 | And like, I thought when I first hooked up with my husband,
00:25:43.860 | which is the only person I slept with before porn,
00:25:47.300 | I thought that like how you suck a dick
00:25:50.460 | was like what I saw on camera,
00:25:52.220 | which is like, oh, you have to like deep throat it.
00:25:54.120 | Like everything that I thought about sex was what I watched,
00:25:57.860 | which now I've learned like,
00:25:59.460 | that's not even what I like at all.
00:26:01.860 | - Hold on, so you was married before you went into porn?
00:26:04.100 | - Yeah.
00:26:04.940 | - So you married at like what, like 17?
00:26:05.860 | - At 18.
00:26:06.940 | - Oh, wow.
00:26:07.780 | - I met him a week before I turned 18.
00:26:10.060 | - Got you, that's crazy.
00:26:11.500 | But now I feel you, it messes up
00:26:13.980 | kind of your perception of what it's supposed to be.
00:26:16.300 | And even I think these dudes nowadays,
00:26:18.280 | I mean, obviously some girls are into some crazy things,
00:26:21.220 | but these dudes that are always watching porn,
00:26:23.720 | they think that this is always what a girl wants
00:26:26.940 | and now they're going to these girls
00:26:28.780 | and not knowing really what they actually enjoy.
00:26:32.980 | And like I said, some of these girls are out here
00:26:35.220 | and they're freaks, so they like all this stuff,
00:26:37.100 | but not all of them, you know what I mean?
00:26:38.460 | So I think it's really detrimental to young men.
00:26:42.260 | And then if they go and they got a girl
00:26:44.580 | and the girl doesn't wanna do this,
00:26:46.180 | now they can't even really get off to him.
00:26:48.820 | Like I know some dudes that would rather watch porn
00:26:51.540 | than hook up with their girlfriend
00:26:52.640 | because their girlfriend may not do all the things
00:26:54.420 | that they're seeing on the screen.
00:26:55.980 | I feel like that is-- - That's actually wild.
00:26:57.580 | - That is super unhealthy.
00:26:59.100 | - Yeah, no, that's, also I didn't know
00:27:01.220 | how I would feel about that as a girlfriend.
00:27:03.220 | - Yeah, do you think that's considered,
00:27:04.900 | 'cause I know a lot of dudes, you know,
00:27:05.940 | they might have a wife that's ready in the bedroom,
00:27:08.560 | but she's not doing the things that you see on camera,
00:27:11.160 | so they're going to sneak in the bathroom and watching porn.
00:27:14.140 | As a woman, do you feel like that would be considered
00:27:17.240 | cheating if you were married to a dude?
00:27:19.420 | - I personally feel it might also be a BPD thing,
00:27:24.420 | 'cause you're very sensitive to rejection,
00:27:26.540 | but I do get very upset if I have a partner
00:27:29.820 | and for whatever reason, they don't wanna,
00:27:32.800 | they reject me for sex, it makes me spiral.
00:27:37.800 | So I can only imagine if your significant other
00:27:44.060 | doesn't wanna fuck you and they're more interested
00:27:48.000 | in seeing something else, yeah, I would be extremely hurt.
00:27:50.580 | - Yeah, and I feel like that happens so much now.
00:27:53.700 | Like, rejected and feeling probably
00:27:55.940 | just like shit about yourself.
00:27:57.820 | - Yeah, that makes sense.
00:28:00.520 | But outside, so like now you obviously
00:28:03.380 | have kind of turned your life around
00:28:05.600 | and you're not doing that anymore.
00:28:07.800 | Did it take you a while?
00:28:10.820 | I know you talk about how it's super frustrating for you
00:28:14.540 | anywhere you walk, anywhere you go.
00:28:16.620 | People look at you and they see a porn star
00:28:20.380 | and you've been out of that for so many years now.
00:28:22.880 | How do you deal with that?
00:28:26.660 | And did it take you a while to not be triggered by that?
00:28:29.540 | I know it's probably super frustrating.
00:28:32.740 | You're doing your thing outside of that industry now,
00:28:35.860 | but how has that gone for you?
00:28:38.180 | - I used to care a lot more than I do.
00:28:40.780 | Like when I started my podcast with Olivia and Alexa,
00:28:43.780 | I kind of did it in a way to like make myself,
00:28:52.580 | like I wanted to use it in a way to like show people
00:28:55.700 | how I actually was or like really like focused
00:28:59.800 | on like speaking well to sort of beat the stereotype
00:29:03.060 | of like being a dumb porn star.
00:29:04.980 | Like I used to really, really care what people think
00:29:07.660 | and like trying to prove that I wasn't the stereotype.
00:29:10.760 | And then after, when I got pregnant,
00:29:15.320 | like the bullying online got so bad with it
00:29:19.520 | that I just became like tuned out to it
00:29:23.960 | and I don't give a fuck anymore.
00:29:25.680 | Like I don't give a shit.
00:29:26.920 | - I mean, a lot of athletes have to go through that too.
00:29:29.760 | So I feel you.
00:29:30.600 | - You guys get hella bullied, so bad, like the worst.
00:29:34.480 | - People talk crazy to us.
00:29:37.320 | And so I know how that feels.
00:29:39.680 | And you really eventually reach a point where it's like,
00:29:41.440 | man, I don't care what these people are talking about.
00:29:43.120 | - No, you can't.
00:29:44.120 | - They have no relevance in my life.
00:29:45.520 | Why are they so concerned what I'm doing?
00:29:47.960 | - And also once you start to like truly know who you are
00:29:51.440 | and like your morals and values,
00:29:54.680 | how can they tell you who you are if you know?
00:29:57.520 | - How has the, you know, being a mother now,
00:30:02.000 | and we talked about this before the podcast,
00:30:03.840 | everybody says there's speculations who the baby daddy is.
00:30:07.160 | And you know, like I--
00:30:09.240 | - Yeah, people are gonna say you're the baby daddy now.
00:30:12.080 | They're gonna like put side by side pictures.
00:30:14.760 | - I know, but like when we were in the playoffs,
00:30:16.820 | obviously like my teammate, Bruce,
00:30:18.320 | who that's who I met you through,
00:30:20.040 | we all were kicking it somewhere out here in LA.
00:30:22.560 | But, you know, like during the playoffs we would clap,
00:30:26.040 | we would just like, bro, your picture, is this your baby?
00:30:28.840 | You know what I mean?
00:30:31.680 | But obviously you probably, I mean,
00:30:33.040 | you're keeping that like on the low for a reason.
00:30:35.960 | But how has being a mother kind of changed your life
00:30:39.940 | and changed your perspective?
00:30:41.000 | Do you feel like, has it helped you?
00:30:45.360 | - It's kind of like you win some and you lose some,
00:30:48.380 | you know, my pregnancy caused a lot of like health issues
00:30:53.060 | that I finally like have gotten under control
00:30:55.500 | and like sort of those also diminished my mental health.
00:30:59.100 | Like probably for the past two years until recently,
00:31:02.180 | I was in like the worst mental health state
00:31:05.500 | that I'd ever been in.
00:31:06.700 | However, because I grew up in a house
00:31:10.620 | with a sister who was extremely mentally ill
00:31:12.900 | and it was like very toxic for me.
00:31:16.100 | No matter what, I always make sure
00:31:18.380 | to never let my son see that.
00:31:20.540 | And to always make sure that whether I'm depressed
00:31:23.500 | and stuck in bed, that he has the best nanny
00:31:26.740 | taking him to go and do activities
00:31:28.540 | if I can't do that with him.
00:31:30.220 | Or taking him out to dinner.
00:31:31.900 | Because I, like I don't want the things
00:31:34.100 | that I go through to affect him.
00:31:36.100 | And I really don't think that they do
00:31:37.980 | 'cause I'm super careful about it.
00:31:42.260 | But, sorry, what was the original question?
00:31:44.940 | - No, I was just curious how just being a mother
00:31:46.500 | like has just changed your life or perspective?
00:31:49.380 | - Well, recently, so I started taking medication,
00:31:52.580 | like going to therapy and the relationship
00:31:56.620 | that I have with being a mother is just so great now.
00:32:00.700 | Like I really look at him and I'm like,
00:32:02.240 | "Oh my God, I'm like so lucky to have you."
00:32:05.300 | Like just really, really enjoying it.
00:32:07.420 | Actually recently, 'cause he usually goes to school
00:32:10.660 | and like I haven't even been wanting to send him
00:32:12.300 | to school lately 'cause I'm like,
00:32:13.800 | "I need to spend all the time with you."
00:32:16.540 | - Is the dad like around for real?
00:32:19.660 | Or like, is it just you or how's that going?
00:32:21.940 | - Just me.
00:32:23.160 | He's only met his dad one time.
00:32:25.060 | And after that, like the dad wasn't super nice about it.
00:32:32.120 | So I was just like, "I'm not trying this with you anymore."
00:32:37.420 | - Was he more mad about the fact
00:32:39.580 | that you like had the kid
00:32:40.980 | or did he not want you to have the kid or why would...
00:32:44.540 | I can't imagine, even if it was like a girl
00:32:48.740 | who I messed up with and I don't want nothing
00:32:50.940 | to do with her.
00:32:52.420 | If I had a kid with that woman,
00:32:54.600 | I don't care how much I don't like her,
00:32:55.620 | I'm still trying to spend time with my kid.
00:32:57.260 | - Also like it wasn't a one-time thing.
00:32:59.180 | Like he told me that he loved me.
00:33:02.460 | Like, and then there's like other things
00:33:06.740 | that like we had quit talking before I've even found
00:33:09.460 | out that I was pregnant.
00:33:10.660 | And like, he might've even had a girlfriend
00:33:14.140 | that I didn't know about, which might be like part of it.
00:33:17.380 | And so it always was just like,
00:33:22.420 | I actually wrote like a poem about this on my Tumblr.
00:33:25.220 | He never asked me to get an abortion or anything like that.
00:33:30.780 | But constantly throughout my pregnancy,
00:33:32.900 | I had never seen him since like the night
00:33:35.020 | that we conceived our son.
00:33:36.980 | I actually saw him last week for the first time
00:33:39.300 | in three years.
00:33:40.500 | But he would call me during my pregnancy,
00:33:42.780 | like every few months and be like,
00:33:46.020 | "Hey, like I'm worried that you're gonna like,
00:33:49.140 | people are gonna find out this or that.
00:33:50.820 | Like, can you please like do this?"
00:33:52.300 | Like expecting me to protect him.
00:33:53.900 | And I did for so long, just like out of love.
00:33:57.020 | Like everyone's like, "Oh, he paid her money
00:33:59.340 | or she has an NDA."
00:34:00.740 | Like, no, I don't.
00:34:01.860 | Like that's the father of my child.
00:34:04.140 | Like, I'm not trying to do anything bad to him.
00:34:07.420 | Like my son looks just like him.
00:34:09.460 | So like, no matter what happens,
00:34:11.100 | I automatically will always have so much love for him
00:34:13.940 | because he's like part of my son.
00:34:15.660 | - Right.
00:34:16.500 | I think that's honestly like,
00:34:18.220 | that's every dude who gets a girl pregnant's dream
00:34:20.580 | is you could just tell her like, "Yo, can you?"
00:34:23.460 | - You just take care of it yourself.
00:34:25.220 | - Well, no, not even that.
00:34:26.300 | It's more the fact that you,
00:34:28.220 | I think it's crazy how you,
00:34:30.300 | I mean, a lot of dudes would pay the girl
00:34:31.580 | not to say who it was
00:34:34.780 | or just pay the girl to take care of the baby.
00:34:36.980 | But like, you just didn't even,
00:34:39.060 | you never have really come out and criticized the father
00:34:42.460 | or talked down about the father.
00:34:44.300 | You've just, you know, been a mother.
00:34:46.420 | - I mean, I've made some jokes online about it.
00:34:48.860 | - You've talked to him?
00:34:49.700 | - Like he's gotten mad about.
00:34:51.380 | No, nothing crazy.
00:34:52.460 | Like I've made like jokes, like in passing,
00:34:55.820 | like don't have kids with NBA players.
00:34:57.820 | Or like, one time I was like--
00:34:59.140 | - I think we're good fathers.
00:35:00.220 | - Shooting a hoop and I was like,
00:35:01.940 | well, I did have NBA DNA in me for 10 months.
00:35:05.380 | - Yeah, you got a chip.
00:35:06.540 | - I got a call after that, I did not like those jokes.
00:35:08.860 | - You really?
00:35:10.540 | Man, now that's crazy.
00:35:13.260 | One of my last questions for you is,
00:35:15.420 | Mike, you talk about how it's been a process
00:35:18.420 | to kind of find an identity
00:35:19.820 | like outside of the industry and whatever.
00:35:22.700 | And your real name is actually not Lana,
00:35:24.220 | it's Amara, correct?
00:35:25.660 | - Yeah, Amara.
00:35:26.500 | - So if you kind of like,
00:35:28.420 | have you ever considered just going
00:35:30.820 | and leaving the Lana Rhodes like behind
00:35:34.340 | and going by your real name?
00:35:35.540 | And like, or is, I just wondered,
00:35:38.940 | like I thought your real name was Lana.
00:35:40.540 | And then I was doing some--
00:35:41.380 | - Yeah, sometimes I think my real name is Lana.
00:35:43.620 | - Yeah, I was doing some research before this podcast
00:35:45.460 | and it was like Amara Maple.
00:35:47.140 | And I was like, huh, like--
00:35:47.980 | - All my friends call me Lana.
00:35:50.380 | - Really?
00:35:51.220 | - Yeah.
00:35:52.060 | - So you just, that's just, that's just it now?
00:35:54.020 | - It might be like, going back to like the BPD thing,
00:35:56.980 | like you really don't have like a sense of identity.
00:35:59.620 | So I've never really resonated with like having a name.
00:36:03.100 | Like even when I was a dancer,
00:36:04.700 | I had Farah as my name and all my friends called me that,
00:36:08.260 | that I knew from the club or Amara,
00:36:12.300 | which is what my family calls me.
00:36:14.020 | I think like when I have boyfriends,
00:36:15.940 | like sometimes we like switch on and off
00:36:17.420 | from using Amara or Lana.
00:36:19.240 | But I just, I really don't notice.
00:36:22.300 | And sometimes I actually do think that my name is Lana.
00:36:25.260 | - Huh, that's interesting.
00:36:27.500 | So what going forward for you, like, is your,
00:36:30.520 | like going forward, where do you want to go from here?
00:36:33.760 | Like, is it just continue with the,
00:36:36.860 | with the OnlyFans stuff and influencer stuff?
00:36:39.780 | Or do you have other goals in your life going forward
00:36:43.820 | or kind of, where do you go from here?
00:36:46.900 | - I just, I want to
00:36:51.900 | just keep having something that I'm like impassioned about.
00:36:55.580 | And right now it's making clothes
00:36:57.500 | and just like even designing my own furniture for my house
00:37:01.660 | or recently writing,
00:37:03.400 | which I never thought that I was good at
00:37:06.300 | 'cause I dropped out of school in eighth grade.
00:37:08.460 | But I wrote a few poems on Tumblr and people were like,
00:37:11.300 | "Oh my God, you're like such a good writer."
00:37:14.020 | And I never thought that I was.
00:37:15.920 | So that's helped me a lot recently,
00:37:17.580 | just like always having a passion.
00:37:19.540 | And then like, if you can find a way
00:37:21.060 | to turn that passion into income,
00:37:22.740 | like that's obviously amazing.
00:37:24.460 | But the most important thing to me
00:37:27.700 | is just like being the best mom ever.
00:37:30.780 | Like that comes first before anything.
00:37:33.380 | - He looks like his baby daddy.
00:37:35.420 | - Yeah.
00:37:37.000 | - Have you ever thought about writing a book?
00:37:38.420 | Like, I feel like-
00:37:39.580 | - Everyone on Tumblr is telling me to.
00:37:41.300 | They're like, "You're writing so good.
00:37:42.460 | You have to write a book."
00:37:43.740 | - No, that'd be cool.
00:37:44.620 | I mean, I don't know if you'd write fiction or nonfiction,
00:37:46.580 | but I feel like your story,
00:37:49.460 | it is a good story like to get out there.
00:37:52.140 | Just because I feel like it helps a lot of people.
00:37:56.660 | When you can hear from a woman like you
00:37:59.100 | who was in the industry,
00:37:59.960 | but has so much to say about what it's really like,
00:38:03.020 | it can kind of, you know,
00:38:04.540 | you can't really watch that stuff
00:38:06.740 | and look at these girls the same.
00:38:07.900 | And I feel like a lot of men like objectify women,
00:38:11.580 | you know, it's just like a natural,
00:38:13.740 | I don't know if it's definitely not natural,
00:38:15.340 | but it's like-
00:38:16.160 | - Part of like culture.
00:38:17.000 | - It's part of the culture now.
00:38:18.100 | And I feel like a lot of women even nowadays
00:38:20.980 | fall into that thinking like,
00:38:23.700 | "Oh, this is just how it is.
00:38:24.900 | Like men objectify me, this is what I'm gonna do."
00:38:28.300 | - Or like they feel like they have to like
00:38:30.260 | have sex with men to get love or-
00:38:33.460 | - Or you live in LA and it's even like these girls,
00:38:36.220 | like I know these girls out here doing anything
00:38:39.340 | for acceptance or job opportunities or,
00:38:43.220 | and I just think-
00:38:44.060 | - Or even like a guy like flies around,
00:38:46.140 | they're like, "Oh my God, he bought me a flight.
00:38:47.620 | Now I have to have sex with him."
00:38:49.100 | Like what? No.
00:38:51.340 | - You don't think if a dude fly you out,
00:38:53.140 | the girl gotta be giving it up?
00:38:54.420 | - Fuck no, no.
00:38:55.460 | I've had a guy buy me a private jet to go somewhere
00:38:58.620 | and I didn't hook up with him.
00:39:00.700 | - He wasn't hot?
00:39:02.540 | - No, it's not.
00:39:03.380 | I have some of the most attractive men I've ever seen.
00:39:05.540 | - No, I'm saying he wasn't mad,
00:39:06.380 | like he wasn't mad that you didn't use.
00:39:09.140 | - I don't care.
00:39:10.500 | I'm not doing something that I don't wanna do.
00:39:12.300 | - No, for sure, I'm just saying like-
00:39:14.420 | - Like they can be mad all that they want.
00:39:16.140 | And if they show that they're mad,
00:39:17.540 | then I'm not gonna talk to them anymore.
00:39:19.300 | So they probably wouldn't.
00:39:21.540 | - I think dudes that are flying girls out,
00:39:24.780 | I think there's definitely an expectation.
00:39:26.260 | I don't know if it's a good expectation.
00:39:28.020 | I think if a dude is like,
00:39:29.460 | "I'm spending any money on this girl."
00:39:31.300 | Like, yeah, like she better be with him.
00:39:34.420 | - But that's not, the girl should not,
00:39:38.100 | like she should feel like she's worth more
00:39:39.660 | than whatever money he spent on it.
00:39:42.100 | And also not feel obligated to give,
00:39:46.140 | like going back to like giving someone something
00:39:49.220 | that you don't have to give.
00:39:50.580 | Like, if you're not 100% sure
00:39:52.580 | that you wanna have sex with that person,
00:39:54.940 | or give your body to that person,
00:39:57.700 | or be intimate with them for like,
00:40:00.700 | 'cause you really want it,
00:40:02.860 | and it's like for some other reason,
00:40:04.260 | or you're unsure, like you shouldn't,
00:40:06.380 | you definitely should not do it.
00:40:07.820 | - And it's crazy you say that,
00:40:08.860 | 'cause I had this conversation
00:40:10.740 | with some of my teammates the other day on the bus.
00:40:13.220 | We were talking about like a girl
00:40:15.020 | who we would view as like a wifey,
00:40:16.900 | or like a girlfriend, like a girl you would cuff
00:40:18.700 | versus a girl that you would just hook up with.
00:40:20.220 | And we were like, "Okay, if she's giving it up
00:40:23.980 | "the first night, like how would you view her?"
00:40:27.260 | And we were all kind of like,
00:40:28.780 | "Well, we probably wouldn't wife that girl,
00:40:30.220 | "'cause if she's giving it up on the first night,
00:40:31.540 | "then she probably has done that multiple times."
00:40:34.500 | Then we were like, "Okay, then when is the right time
00:40:37.140 | "to give it up, second night, third night,
00:40:38.580 | "like for a date, whenever?"
00:40:40.740 | And it really is, I think, for these girls out there
00:40:44.060 | that think that they should be giving it up
00:40:47.100 | when a dude is pressuring them,
00:40:48.700 | or he does something nice for 'em,
00:40:52.600 | but they really don't have that connection yet.
00:40:54.700 | Like, dudes aren't gonna view you as a girlfriend,
00:40:59.540 | or like, they would never wanna cuff you
00:41:01.100 | if you're just giving it up right away.
00:41:02.980 | So, your advice is really good.
00:41:04.820 | - If you stand on your ground,
00:41:06.420 | and like you respect yourself in that way,
00:41:08.740 | like I've honestly never had any problems
00:41:11.620 | with guys being mad about it.
00:41:13.180 | And like, I did porn before,
00:41:14.620 | so people automatically assume
00:41:16.540 | that I'm going to sleep with people,
00:41:18.460 | or that I've slept with all the NBA players
00:41:21.580 | that I've hung out with.
00:41:24.080 | I've never slept with any of them
00:41:25.180 | besides the one that I have a kid with.
00:41:27.080 | But none of these guys have gotten upset with me
00:41:30.760 | for not sleeping with them,
00:41:32.320 | no matter what they had bought me,
00:41:34.380 | or we've gone on trips together.
00:41:36.840 | - They tend to respect you.
00:41:40.860 | - Yeah, like we end up having a respectful, good friendship.
00:41:44.860 | - I think, yeah, and I think that these girls nowadays
00:41:48.100 | definitely kind of think the opposite.
00:41:49.220 | They get pressured, or they wanna make a dude happy.
00:41:52.140 | Or like you said, that you kind of struggle
00:41:54.120 | with the people-pleasing thing.
00:41:56.300 | They think that they gotta make this dude happy.
00:41:58.660 | But if you really wanna,
00:42:00.060 | I don't know what these girls want.
00:42:01.000 | Some girls just want to be able to say,
00:42:03.580 | "Oh, I hooked up with this guy," or whatever.
00:42:04.980 | But if you're a girl that really wants to be
00:42:06.980 | valued by a dude, and not just thought of as a whatever,
00:42:11.980 | like an object, like we've been talking about,
00:42:15.380 | then it's not always bad to wait a while.
00:42:19.340 | - Also, you mentioned having a connection.
00:42:22.260 | So perhaps it's not necessarily like,
00:42:25.440 | "Oh, she slept with him too early."
00:42:27.680 | But say she does sleep with him
00:42:29.440 | before they have that connection,
00:42:30.860 | and it's not someone that you actually have
00:42:32.540 | that chemistry or connection with,
00:42:34.140 | then it's not gonna work anyway.
00:42:36.660 | - You can't force it from having sex with them early.
00:42:39.140 | - Yeah, that might mess it up even worse.
00:42:41.060 | But if you wait a while,
00:42:44.060 | now even the sex would probably be better,
00:42:46.720 | because you actually got to know them as a person.
00:42:48.740 | - Or you could decide that you don't wanna sleep with them.
00:42:51.460 | Usually I'll hang out with a guy four times,
00:42:53.780 | and on the fourth time, I know if there's someone
00:42:56.220 | that I'm going to be in love with and wanna have sex with.
00:42:59.780 | If it doesn't happen with the fourth time,
00:43:00.940 | I'm like, "Okay, I don't like him like that."
00:43:03.060 | - How has the dating thing been for you
00:43:05.700 | since you've kind of left that industry?
00:43:10.140 | Is it difficult for you?
00:43:11.340 | Is it easy?
00:43:12.180 | How does that go?
00:43:13.660 | - Dating was easier after than when I was younger,
00:43:18.660 | because I had more respect for myself.
00:43:21.540 | My last relationship was really good,
00:43:24.740 | but I ended up getting pregnant two months after.
00:43:27.620 | And then now I just really don't have time
00:43:30.040 | for a relationship.
00:43:31.620 | I haven't hooked up with anyone since April,
00:43:35.220 | which is, I was super in love with that boy,
00:43:37.940 | but we're not dating or anything,
00:43:40.700 | because I don't have time.
00:43:41.900 | I can't text a boy all day long.
00:43:45.020 | I have to work.
00:43:45.860 | I have to take care of my kid.
00:43:47.380 | I'm not gonna go out and leave my child every night
00:43:50.940 | to go hang out with you,
00:43:52.060 | so I just don't have time right now.
00:43:53.740 | - Do dudes ever try to hold...
00:43:56.300 | 'Cause I know dudes are petty.
00:43:58.100 | Even me, I'm not acting like I'm--
00:44:00.060 | - An angel, oh, I know.
00:44:02.180 | - How do you know?
00:44:03.220 | - I've heard your talks, though.
00:44:05.140 | - Chill.
00:44:06.340 | No, I'm talking more like,
00:44:08.460 | do dudes try to hold things over your head from the past?
00:44:12.500 | 'Cause I know me, I could be messing with a girl,
00:44:16.380 | and I hear something about something she did in the past
00:44:19.580 | or whatever, and it'll still make me mad.
00:44:22.780 | I don't know if that's, that's probably not good,
00:44:24.300 | but it'll still make me mad.
00:44:25.700 | Do dudes try to hold things over your head?
00:44:27.540 | - I mean, that's probably something
00:44:28.380 | that you need to work on.
00:44:29.980 | You know?
00:44:30.820 | - Yeah, nah, it is.
00:44:31.660 | I don't know why, I don't know why I do that.
00:44:33.340 | - No, no, it happens.
00:44:34.500 | How old are you?
00:44:35.660 | - 25.
00:44:36.620 | - See, you're still so young.
00:44:37.900 | Like, I used to be-- - How old are you?
00:44:39.420 | - I just turned 27.
00:44:41.060 | But I used to be super jealous, too,
00:44:44.620 | and honestly, it changes over time,
00:44:47.260 | and you just, when you get older,
00:44:49.300 | you have a better understanding
00:44:51.340 | of relationships and connections,
00:44:54.500 | and I personally, if I ever was to be in a relationship,
00:44:57.060 | I would never be like,
00:44:58.580 | even though I don't wanna sleep with other people,
00:45:00.300 | I'd never be like, oh, you can't sleep with other people,
00:45:02.740 | or you have to do this or do that,
00:45:04.380 | 'cause I personally think that it's way more powerful
00:45:07.460 | if you believe that you have this,
00:45:09.820 | like, or you're with someone
00:45:12.060 | that you have a really special connection with
00:45:13.740 | that you know they can't find somewhere else,
00:45:15.940 | and it's more powerful if someone,
00:45:17.980 | like, they have the options to do whatever they want,
00:45:19.900 | but they always choose you.
00:45:21.500 | - 100%.
00:45:22.340 | - You know, so that's kind of like what,
00:45:23.660 | having that mindset got rid of that jealousy
00:45:26.220 | and insecurity that I used to have.
00:45:28.300 | But guys have held it over my head.
00:45:30.300 | Me and my ex, we got in a really, like,
00:45:33.380 | crazy fight one night,
00:45:35.140 | and actually, I've had two boyfriends say this to me.
00:45:38.700 | They would say, no one's ever going to love you
00:45:42.500 | because you did porn and you're a whore.
00:45:46.500 | - Seriously? - And, yeah.
00:45:47.340 | - So then why would they,
00:45:48.460 | if that's really what they thought,
00:45:49.700 | do you just not love them? - Well, 'cause they try
00:45:50.540 | to tell you, like, oh, I'm the only one
00:45:52.620 | that's ever gonna love you, so you have to stay with me.
00:45:54.900 | - They're toxic, not me. - Yeah.
00:45:56.980 | - Yeah, no. - That's crazy, yeah.
00:45:59.060 | Nah, I definitely, as I've gotten older,
00:46:01.500 | I've realized, when I was watching a podcast,
00:46:03.300 | I think with, do you know a girl named Brittany Rayner?
00:46:05.500 | Do you know who that is? - Oh, yeah, no, I love her.
00:46:07.500 | - I was watching a podcast,
00:46:09.300 | I think she was on there with Andrew Tate.
00:46:12.940 | I was watching the podcast, and she was talking about,
00:46:17.060 | just, you know, she's done some things in the past,
00:46:19.020 | but she's not doing 'em anymore,
00:46:20.340 | and, like, are women, like, redeemable,
00:46:22.740 | like, in the eyes of men, like,
00:46:25.020 | if they've done things in the past,
00:46:26.620 | and now they're a whole different person,
00:46:29.580 | like, you know, like you, or, I don't know,
00:46:31.220 | she's changed what she was doing, but, like, her,
00:46:34.380 | and I think Andrew Tate said something, like,
00:46:37.380 | it just depends on the dude, like, or something,
00:46:39.540 | I forget exactly what he said,
00:46:40.820 | but I think, like, the right dude, you know,
00:46:43.540 | obviously, in a mature man, you know, for me,
00:46:47.620 | I've had to think about, like, why do I get so mad
00:46:51.820 | about something that the girl might've did in the past,
00:46:53.940 | or who she was messing with in the past,
00:46:55.340 | because, and I'm a dude who--
00:46:57.940 | - She had no idea she was gonna meet you in the future.
00:47:00.500 | - And I've done wild stuff in the past, too,
00:47:02.660 | so if a girl was gonna hold that over my head,
00:47:05.180 | then I would be in trouble,
00:47:07.180 | because I've done some wild stuff,
00:47:08.460 | and I've definitely been a dude,
00:47:10.820 | back in the day, who had, like, double standards,
00:47:12.620 | like, oh, I can have a crazy past,
00:47:14.060 | but she can't have any type of past,
00:47:16.220 | so I'm not messing with her.
00:47:17.700 | But I think, like you said, as you get older,
00:47:19.220 | and you see people, like, for who they are,
00:47:21.380 | and you kinda, like, meet 'em where they're at,
00:47:24.460 | like, if you fall in love with this person,
00:47:26.940 | or you like this person, you gotta accept them
00:47:29.900 | for who they are, and what they've done, and--
00:47:32.540 | - Yeah, 'cause that's what made them
00:47:34.180 | the person that you love. - Exactly, 100%.
00:47:36.100 | - All the experiences that they had.
00:47:38.100 | - 100%, so I definitely think that's something
00:47:40.060 | that comes with maturity.
00:47:41.620 | But, nah, I really appreciate you coming on.
00:47:44.500 | I don't like to keep people on here that long.
00:47:46.060 | I just, you know, people that I find either inspirational,
00:47:49.380 | or people that I'm just curious about their stories,
00:47:51.100 | or whatever, I like to have 'em on here,
00:47:52.220 | and just ask a few questions that I'm curious about,
00:47:54.940 | and then let 'em go.
00:47:56.060 | So I appreciate you. - Curious Mike.
00:47:58.500 | - I appreciate you helping on the podcast.
00:48:00.380 | - Was it inspired by Curious George?
00:48:03.660 | - Sierra came up with it, she,
00:48:05.340 | 'cause I've always just been a curious dude.
00:48:06.900 | I'd always ask wild questions, and just speak my mind,
00:48:10.580 | and honestly, the podcast kinda came about
00:48:14.020 | because you know how people on the internet are,
00:48:16.420 | and if you tweet something that's kinda, like,
00:48:18.820 | against the norm, or you Instagram something,
00:48:21.540 | you get crucified, and people don't even know
00:48:23.980 | what you were talking about, they don't know context.
00:48:26.380 | They'll take a tweet, or whatever, and blow it up.
00:48:29.100 | So I was like, what if I came out with a podcast,
00:48:31.500 | and I could have unfiltered conversations,
00:48:34.300 | or conversations that people are kinda scared to have,
00:48:37.260 | or whatever, and just be open?
00:48:38.900 | 'Cause I feel like, you know, that creates a space
00:48:42.060 | for understanding, and more, so that's kinda how I--
00:48:44.980 | - Yeah, you can hope so.
00:48:46.620 | Some people never will, though.
00:48:48.220 | You can hope so that people understand,
00:48:50.380 | but sometimes they never will.
00:48:51.500 | - Right, nah, and you gotta accept that.
00:48:53.180 | But nah, I appreciate you, Lana.
00:48:54.700 | - Thank you.
00:48:55.540 | - For sure, Curious Mike out.
00:48:57.340 | (laughing)
00:48:58.540 | (upbeat music)
00:49:01.140 | (upbeat music)
00:49:03.720 | (upbeat music)