So That Your Prayers Will Not Be Hindered: How to Shepherd and Serve Your Wife - Harry Walls
00:00:00.900 | All right, I'm going to go ahead and jump right in.
00:00:02.600 | There's a couple of things, and we gave--
00:00:04.480 | just a couple of things I want to say by way of opening.
00:00:07.720 | Some of you got a pamphlet called the Master's Fellowship.
00:00:12.320 | And there is a booth out in front of the sanctuary
00:00:14.920 | where we have Brett Zamross and Todd Fletcher.
00:00:19.120 | Brett and Todd, are you somewhere
00:00:20.540 | in the neighborhood like right here?
00:00:22.000 | These guys are teammates in the Fellowship Administrator
00:00:25.240 | and Regional Leader Director.
00:00:28.120 | The fellowship is for guys like us, guys in ministry,
00:00:32.680 | guys who are serving in leadership
00:00:35.440 | function in a local church, guys that
00:00:39.000 | would come to Shepherds Conference and leave going,
00:00:41.600 | man, that was one of the best weeks of my life.
00:00:45.000 | Guys who have common convictions about the things that
00:00:48.160 | matter, the Word of God, the Son of God, the way you do church,
00:00:51.720 | the way you preach the Word of God.
00:00:54.240 | Guys like us need guys like us.
00:00:58.300 | And so not just once a year in a fellowship setting like this,
00:01:02.320 | but the Master's Fellowship is men
00:01:04.800 | who share convictions that are common and affections that
00:01:08.920 | are common-- love for God, love for His Word,
00:01:11.240 | love for His people.
00:01:12.980 | And the fellowship is designed for you
00:01:15.920 | to have relationships with guys like you.
00:01:19.480 | So the fellowship is populated by men
00:01:23.020 | who say by application, the mastersfellowship.org--
00:01:26.240 | it's on the brochure.
00:01:27.200 | You can just find it, Google it.
00:01:29.960 | You apply, and you apply because you're
00:01:32.560 | going to answer some questions and important questions
00:01:35.560 | about what you believe and about your convictions about how
00:01:39.520 | to do ministry and your convictions about the person
00:01:42.360 | and work of Jesus Christ, the Word of God, its authority,
00:01:44.760 | inspiration, et cetera, things you would expect.
00:01:47.680 | Because what we're after is guys like us having benefit
00:01:52.040 | from other guys like us.
00:01:54.560 | Because here's the bottom line.
00:01:55.920 | Brothers need brothers.
00:01:58.240 | Pastors need pastors.
00:02:00.720 | Leaders need other leaders to the end
00:02:03.880 | that we maximize our potential for the glory of God.
00:02:06.560 | Guys like us don't always fulfill our potential
00:02:10.280 | because we're isolated and alone.
00:02:12.640 | And we're going to need each other.
00:02:14.440 | You may not need someone today, but you're
00:02:17.240 | going to need each other.
00:02:18.840 | And as the culture continues to spiral and erode,
00:02:22.160 | you're going to need spaces and places
00:02:24.000 | where you can be encouraged.
00:02:25.200 | We meet online once a month.
00:02:27.280 | We'll lead a Zoom call.
00:02:28.440 | Dr. MacArthur's with us once a month, typically.
00:02:30.920 | And then we have a monthly Zoom call, not his, but another one
00:02:34.560 | that we will do around some subject--
00:02:37.160 | pastoral, theological, practical--
00:02:40.600 | so that it's meant to help you, give you a chance to Q&A.
00:02:43.760 | And we have some questions.
00:02:45.440 | And I wanted to make you aware of it because, as a pastor,
00:02:49.440 | I'm convinced that we need each other
00:02:51.440 | and we'll be better together.
00:02:53.440 | And as the culture journeys forward,
00:02:55.600 | you're going to need relationships.
00:02:57.760 | The Master's Fellowship-- and I would call it its genius
00:03:00.840 | and not meant to elevate anything.
00:03:03.160 | But the genius of it is its regional leadership,
00:03:06.120 | its regional gatherings.
00:03:08.640 | It's fine to Zoom.
00:03:09.920 | It's great to come to Shepherd's Conference.
00:03:11.920 | But this is not accessible to you all year long.
00:03:15.200 | You need spaces and places and brothers
00:03:17.160 | that you can access--
00:03:19.120 | regular fellowship.
00:03:20.940 | And that's what the fellowship is.
00:03:22.360 | So when you see the Master's Fellowship,
00:03:24.280 | you're really seeing guys like us
00:03:27.360 | who want to gather with guys like us
00:03:30.000 | to become what God wants us to be individually
00:03:33.320 | and collectively.
00:03:34.280 | So I want you to know about that.
00:03:35.680 | You don't have to have a brochure to find us.
00:03:37.560 | Just the mastersfellowship.org.
00:03:40.480 | Or we're at the booth out in front of the sanctuary.
00:03:44.160 | As you go in, we're to the right,
00:03:45.800 | right next to Grace Advance.
00:03:48.200 | That's not a commercial.
00:03:49.440 | It's really meant as information.
00:03:51.000 | So if you want to be a part of that,
00:03:52.500 | you're more than welcome.
00:03:53.720 | All right, 1 Peter chapter 3--
00:03:56.040 | where you expected me to go today.
00:03:59.560 | This is an assigned subject.
00:04:00.800 | It is a very important subject.
00:04:05.640 | Obviously, you're standing here.
00:04:07.240 | It's important.
00:04:08.240 | Some of you are sitting here.
00:04:10.600 | You understand the high priority of your relationship
00:04:14.920 | with your wife and how, according to the Bible,
00:04:17.600 | it affects your relationship with God.
00:04:20.400 | I teach a seminary class across the hall weekly.
00:04:25.920 | And I say to the men who are part
00:04:27.600 | of the practice of pastoral ministry,
00:04:31.000 | this is how I start each semester.
00:04:32.620 | You fail at home, you fail.
00:04:34.800 | I don't care how many books you write,
00:04:36.400 | how many blog posts you have, how many conventions
00:04:39.160 | or conferences you speak at, how many people know your name.
00:04:42.880 | Your first ministry, job one, is at home.
00:04:47.640 | That's why 1 Timothy 3 looks like it does
00:04:51.000 | and Titus 1 looks like it does because of the credentials
00:04:53.800 | that qualify you for credible biblical ministry, which
00:04:57.900 | is the model of a true Christian.
00:05:00.040 | It's the qualification of elders.
00:05:01.600 | But elders are not super saints.
00:05:03.560 | They're just model followers of Christ.
00:05:07.240 | This is what you should look like and aim at for every man.
00:05:10.960 | So job one, and that's what I've kind of subtitled this,
00:05:14.480 | or maybe titled it and put under it,
00:05:16.320 | so that your prayers may not be hindered.
00:05:18.280 | And I didn't pick that title.
00:05:19.520 | That was picked for me.
00:05:20.760 | Put in your program.
00:05:22.440 | And obviously, your wife saw it, and here you are.
00:05:26.480 | So if they'd have seen job one, you wouldn't be here.
00:05:29.280 | But this is that.
00:05:31.320 | This is the high priority of relating well and biblically
00:05:37.400 | with your wife.
00:05:38.520 | And here's the obvious connected thought.
00:05:42.960 | Because you need God in everything you do,
00:05:47.520 | when God says that your relationship with her
00:05:51.000 | will help or hinder your connection with him,
00:05:54.400 | you could say, you fail at home.
00:05:56.400 | You really will fail.
00:05:58.280 | Because without me, you can do nothing, Jesus said.
00:06:02.400 | Everything of eternal importance happens because of prayer.
00:06:07.200 | Not your hard work, but by the work of God,
00:06:10.960 | because you are desperately dependent upon him.
00:06:14.880 | And so I feel like I'm convincing you of something
00:06:18.440 | you're already convinced of.
00:06:20.560 | The passage that we're going to look at, one verse,
00:06:23.480 | and then I'm going to try to unpack it for your benefit
00:06:27.120 | in terms of its implications.
00:06:29.440 | And it is thick with principle and practice.
00:06:34.560 | Verse 7, 1 Peter 3, "You husbands, likewise,
00:06:42.360 | live with your wives in an understanding way,
00:06:46.360 | as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman.
00:06:50.840 | And grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life,
00:06:55.640 | so that your prayers may not be hindered."
00:07:00.800 | Now, the word hindered means totally cut off.
00:07:05.560 | There's a big wreck on I-5.
00:07:08.720 | The black and whites are in the roadway.
00:07:11.080 | The lights are on, and nobody's passing.
00:07:15.400 | There's a wreck.
00:07:16.400 | There's an obstacle.
00:07:18.760 | That's this word.
00:07:20.200 | It's not hindered like it's hard.
00:07:21.880 | It's not hindered like somebody's holding you back.
00:07:25.160 | It's hindered like you're blocked off.
00:07:27.160 | Paul said, I wanted to go, and I couldn't go.
00:07:29.200 | I was prevented.
00:07:31.720 | It is an absolute block between you and God.
00:07:36.640 | That's sobering.
00:07:41.960 | And that is the consequence, the result clause in this verse
00:07:47.480 | is, so that doesn't happen to you,
00:07:50.680 | so that you are not cut off from the blessing and benefit
00:07:54.360 | and access of the living God that
00:07:57.840 | has impact in your life, your family, and your ministry.
00:08:04.800 | That's why this is so important, let alone its impact
00:08:08.720 | on the wife you made promises to.
00:08:12.120 | This is impactful to everything in your life that
00:08:15.360 | matters, because prayer affects everything in your life.
00:08:22.880 | Notice the word, verse 7, likewise.
00:08:28.320 | Likewise introduces us to the fact
00:08:30.600 | that this is a connection to what he's already said.
00:08:34.280 | Just like who?
00:08:35.960 | Well, verse 1 of chapter 3 says, in the same way you wives.
00:08:41.040 | So you have wives, 1 through 6.
00:08:44.920 | Aren't you glad she has six verses and you only have one?
00:08:51.160 | What he just said to her, likewise,
00:08:55.240 | as it relates to the main verbal idea, you are to apply.
00:09:00.600 | And because it says, in the same way,
00:09:03.760 | this is informed by the context which precedes that.
00:09:10.040 | So I want to start with this big thought for you.
00:09:13.360 | And the idea that I'd like to offer to you
00:09:16.820 | is that if you want to be God-honoring, gospel-validating,
00:09:24.000 | and someone who enjoys God's blessing,
00:09:27.120 | you need to be this kind of husband.
00:09:28.680 | God-honoring, gospel-validating, and enjoying God's blessing,
00:09:37.560 | you need to be this kind of husband.
00:09:39.040 | Why would I say that?
00:09:39.980 | Because likewise connects to the whole context.
00:09:44.880 | And I'm going to track you back to that here in a minute.
00:09:47.280 | But the benefit of what you're about to hear
00:09:50.880 | is in recognition that this is connected.
00:09:55.640 | 1 Peter is written to encourage you to stand firm.
00:10:01.000 | It is also written to tell you to stand out.
00:10:05.480 | He's writing to encourage persecuted Christians
00:10:08.120 | to triumph in trouble and difficulty
00:10:12.320 | and stand firm in their faith.
00:10:14.160 | That's how the book begins, anchored
00:10:16.840 | in the recognition of what God has done
00:10:18.840 | and what God guarantees to do.
00:10:21.120 | Listen, life's hard.
00:10:22.640 | It's not going to get better for a Christian.
00:10:24.760 | The more it heats up, you're going
00:10:26.240 | to need to be anchored down.
00:10:29.800 | You need to be strong and convinced.
00:10:32.720 | And this is designed to help you stand out in your faith
00:10:36.480 | and stand firm in your faith.
00:10:40.040 | The other big idea that Peter is promoting
00:10:43.120 | is that in a culture that's dark,
00:10:46.680 | you're to be a standout light.
00:10:49.640 | You're to be an influencer for the gospel.
00:10:52.720 | And I'm going quickly because we don't have a lot of time.
00:10:55.560 | So if you know this book, you're already connected.
00:10:58.560 | But if not, I want to highlight some key ideas.
00:11:01.640 | And one of those ideas is found in who we are,
00:11:04.440 | verse 9, chapter 2.
00:11:06.560 | "You are a chosen race, a royal priesthood."
00:11:10.960 | Talking about those who are redeemed by the precious blood
00:11:13.480 | of Christ.
00:11:14.080 | "If you're a Christian, you're a living stone,
00:11:16.040 | and you're a royal priest.
00:11:17.960 | A holy nation, a people for God's own possession.
00:11:21.520 | Watch this, that you may proclaim the excellencies
00:11:24.760 | of him who has called you out of darkness
00:11:27.400 | into his marvelous light."
00:11:29.960 | If you're a Christian, you're a priest.
00:11:33.040 | You're part of a priesthood.
00:11:35.680 | Priests were God connectors.
00:11:38.480 | Pontifex is the Latin words for bridge builder.
00:11:41.520 | Priests were God connectors, connecting people
00:11:44.640 | to God and God to people.
00:11:47.160 | You're a go-between.
00:11:49.040 | The ultimate mediator is Jesus Christ, the great high priest.
00:11:53.480 | And as his representative, you connect people to God.
00:11:57.880 | That's the big idea I want you to hear,
00:12:00.400 | because it's all going to go back for you to verse 7,
00:12:03.240 | chapter 3.
00:12:05.160 | "You are a God connector.
00:12:07.480 | Wherever you walk, wherever you live, whatever you do,
00:12:10.720 | your neighborhood, your vocation, your schooling,
00:12:14.080 | your activities, your hobbies, you're
00:12:16.560 | the guy that God has appointed as a part of his divine family
00:12:21.680 | to connect people to him.
00:12:24.280 | And you do that according to verse 9,
00:12:27.280 | in part by proclaiming the excellencies
00:12:30.240 | of him who has called you out of darkness
00:12:33.240 | into his marvelous light."
00:12:35.040 | You're a God proclaimer.
00:12:38.640 | You're a God talker.
00:12:41.400 | It's by what you say about him and by what he has done for you.
00:12:47.080 | I needed mercy.
00:12:48.360 | I hadn't experienced mercy.
00:12:50.040 | I have a personal testimony.
00:12:51.960 | And if I'm a priest, I'm to declare that.
00:12:54.560 | That's validating in words the gospel of God that changed you.
00:13:01.680 | He says in verse 10, "You were once not a people,
00:13:03.960 | but now you are the people of God.
00:13:05.840 | You had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy."
00:13:10.760 | Verse 11, "Act like it inwardly.
00:13:14.200 | I urge you as aliens and strangers
00:13:16.440 | to abstain from fleshly lusts which
00:13:18.800 | wage war against your soul."
00:13:22.080 | Priests have to not only say it, but inwardly, you
00:13:26.840 | need to reflect it.
00:13:29.320 | That will apply to what we're going to talk about at home.
00:13:33.760 | What you are as a Christian is to validate and honor
00:13:37.960 | the greatness of God by what you say, by what you are inside,
00:13:43.720 | and what you display outside.
00:13:47.360 | Verse 12, "Keep your behavior excellent."
00:13:51.460 | Excellent God, excellent proclamations,
00:13:54.960 | internal moral excellence, because it'll kill your soul.
00:14:00.720 | And verse 12, outward excellence, your behavior.
00:14:04.520 | Keep it excellent among the Gentiles.
00:14:06.360 | So in the thing in which they slander you as an evildoer,
00:14:09.520 | because they don't give credibility to your claims,
00:14:13.320 | but because they are watching your life in addition
00:14:16.240 | to your words, someday on account of your good deeds,
00:14:19.520 | verse 12, as they observe them, consequence,
00:14:24.080 | they will glorify God in the day of visitation.
00:14:28.440 | Now, I'm going to argue this is not the visitation where
00:14:30.800 | every knee will bow and every tongue will confess.
00:14:33.920 | This is the return of Jesus Christ,
00:14:36.700 | the rapture of Jesus Christ, where
00:14:38.440 | all of those converted to Christ as part of the family of God
00:14:42.760 | will bear witness to the glory that belongs to God.
00:14:47.160 | Because everybody's going to give some witness
00:14:50.640 | to who Jesus Christ is, saved or unsaved.
00:14:53.840 | Every knee will bow, every tongue will confess.
00:14:55.880 | This is not that.
00:14:56.920 | This is the confession of a former mocker
00:14:59.880 | who is now a God glorifier.
00:15:02.160 | And why is he a God glorifier?
00:15:04.320 | Because of what you say, the priest of God,
00:15:07.280 | in the community with which they have to do what they say,
00:15:11.800 | what they are, and what they display.
00:15:15.240 | All of that I put in the category of honoring God.
00:15:21.080 | This is what this context, chapter 3, verse 7,
00:15:26.200 | is connected to, because it's God-honoring behavior that
00:15:32.280 | validates the gospel you proclaim,
00:15:35.160 | that mercy and grace.
00:15:38.280 | It validates it, because it displays the effect of it.
00:15:45.080 | So what I am in words, I need to be in practice.
00:15:48.640 | This is the conduct that honors God.
00:15:55.900 | And this is the conduct that validates the gospel of God,
00:15:59.720 | gives it credibility, so that a mocker becomes a professor
00:16:03.560 | and a God glorifier, a worshiper.
00:16:05.520 | Here's why I'm sharing the context with you.
00:16:12.400 | Because God-honoring, gospel-validating husbands
00:16:19.120 | who enjoy blessing from God and answered prayers from God
00:16:23.280 | are governed by a compelling conviction that this matters.
00:16:30.940 | My conduct with my wife, which is
00:16:33.020 | a subset of the work that validates the gospel
00:16:37.360 | and honors God, it matters.
00:16:40.180 | It matters to God, and it matters to anybody
00:16:43.100 | watching my life who's measuring the veracity
00:16:46.460 | of the gospel of God.
00:16:49.500 | Which is why it says in verse 15,
00:16:52.420 | "For such is the will of God that by doing right,
00:16:56.780 | you may silence the ignorance of foolish men."
00:17:01.180 | You take away their claim that this is not believable,
00:17:06.820 | credible.
00:17:09.340 | The mocking is unjustified, because your life
00:17:12.300 | undermines the mocking.
00:17:15.140 | It puts them to silence.
00:17:17.060 | And their talk is stopping, not because they don't
00:17:21.060 | have a tongue and a mouth, but because of the quality
00:17:25.940 | and the caliber and the credibility of your life,
00:17:29.380 | what you say and what you display, they're muted.
00:17:35.340 | They can't argue with that.
00:17:37.940 | The context of chapter 3, verse 7
00:17:42.300 | is the display of the conduct that mutes the mocker.
00:17:48.780 | It honors God, and it validates the gospel of God.
00:17:55.540 | In the same way, verse 1, connected to verse 7,
00:18:00.020 | "You husbands likewise," is connected
00:18:02.900 | to the main verbal idea of that conduct
00:18:05.900 | that Peter is unpacking.
00:18:08.320 | And that is the main verb, verse 13, chapter 2,
00:18:11.960 | "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake."
00:18:16.140 | Submit is the governing verbal behavior,
00:18:19.140 | the prescriptive requirement, the commandment,
00:18:22.340 | the imperative, not optional.
00:18:24.540 | This is what good behavior looks like that validates
00:18:28.260 | the gospel of God and honors God.
00:18:30.180 | It involves submission, submission
00:18:33.740 | to rightful authority.
00:18:37.620 | Submit, verse 13.
00:18:41.140 | Then he says, in the larger conduct,
00:18:44.620 | citizens, verses 13 through 17, citizen conduct is submission.
00:18:50.380 | Slave or employee conduct submission, 2, 18 through 20.
00:18:55.940 | Wife submission, in the same way,
00:18:58.900 | she should submit, chapter 3, 1 through 6.
00:19:02.700 | And I'm going to argue 3, 7, "You husbands likewise,"
00:19:07.500 | likewise what?
00:19:08.660 | Submit like she submits.
00:19:12.020 | Who are you submitting to?
00:19:14.340 | God's authority over you.
00:19:18.300 | In the same way, "be subject," and let
00:19:20.540 | me just give you a little bit of verbal definition.
00:19:23.100 | "Be subject," tasso, "is to arrange," hupo, "under."
00:19:26.300 | You voluntarily arrange yourself under the leadership
00:19:29.820 | of another.
00:19:30.460 | I choose to follow.
00:19:35.740 | It's willing and respectfully following.
00:19:39.160 | Whether it's a governor, whether it's an employer,
00:19:42.180 | whether it's a husband or a husband,
00:19:44.860 | his divine authority in the home is Christ himself.
00:19:49.520 | And really, the centerpiece of this whole passage
00:19:52.980 | is chapter 2, 21 through 25, and that's
00:19:55.980 | the submission of the son to the father's will.
00:20:01.980 | Like Christ did, like a Christian citizen
00:20:05.380 | does, like an employee should or a wife or a husband
00:20:08.780 | should, in order to be a God presenter, a God connector,
00:20:13.820 | you need to connect or you need to conduct yourself
00:20:16.860 | excellently and honorably.
00:20:18.780 | How?
00:20:19.620 | By submitting to your authority.
00:20:23.060 | Gentlemen, this starts with the compelling conviction
00:20:27.740 | that not only does this matter to God, His honor,
00:20:31.140 | not only does it matter to the hearers of the gospel
00:20:34.180 | the credibility of it, but it matters
00:20:37.300 | because you are saying, I am submitting to Christ.
00:20:43.380 | This is about honoring Him and surrendering and obeying Him.
00:20:49.180 | Conducting yourself excellently and honorably
00:20:52.100 | by submitting to your authority, even in the face--
00:20:55.140 | and this is another theme in this section--
00:20:58.060 | even in the face of unjust, unfair, and difficult
00:21:01.180 | circumstances.
00:21:03.420 | You have the employee, verse 19, that finds favor.
00:21:06.620 | Well, verse 18, you're to do this.
00:21:09.460 | It's good even to those who are unreasonable.
00:21:13.260 | Verse 18, verse 19, for this finds favor,
00:21:16.500 | submitting to your authority.
00:21:18.940 | If for the sake of conscience towards God,
00:21:21.140 | a man bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly,
00:21:25.500 | for what credit is there when you sin and are harshly treated,
00:21:28.740 | you endure it with patience.
00:21:29.940 | But if and when you do what is right by submitting
00:21:33.340 | with the right attitude and right behavior,
00:21:36.300 | you suffer for it-- in other words,
00:21:37.940 | it's not going well-- and patiently endure it,
00:21:40.100 | this finds favor with God.
00:21:42.700 | And then chapter 3, 1 through 6 says to the wife,
00:21:46.500 | even if your husband is AWOL, he's not following God,
00:21:50.860 | you in the same way submit, even if it's not just,
00:21:55.700 | even if it's not fair.
00:21:57.460 | Likewise, you husbands, if you're
00:22:00.660 | living with someone who's not a God follower or God honoring,
00:22:06.980 | even if it's hard and it's unjust and it's difficult,
00:22:11.220 | you in the same way follow Christ
00:22:14.500 | by following his prescription in this verse, in the same way.
00:22:21.180 | So here's the characteristic of a God honoring, gospel
00:22:23.860 | validating, and gospel blessing husband.
00:22:26.020 | And I say gospel blessing because it's
00:22:27.740 | a God who listens to the prayers of such a man
00:22:31.660 | and brings blessing and benefit to that man
00:22:33.700 | because he qualifies.
00:22:34.740 | Remember James 5.
00:22:35.700 | I'm teaching it on Sundays here at our church.
00:22:39.180 | The effectual, the effective, fervent prayer
00:22:41.860 | of a righteous man can accomplish much.
00:22:45.660 | You know what 1 Peter 3.7 does?
00:22:47.540 | It qualifies rightness at home.
00:22:51.820 | And if there's no righteousness at home,
00:22:54.500 | there's no effectual praying that accomplishes much.
00:22:58.500 | How much?
00:22:59.540 | Well, it can stop it from raining for 3 and 1/2 years.
00:23:02.380 | It can start it raining again.
00:23:04.420 | That's a lot.
00:23:05.220 | Would you agree with that?
00:23:08.620 | But you have to be qualified to pray
00:23:10.620 | a prayer that does a lot.
00:23:13.380 | And in 1 Peter 3.7, qualified praying
00:23:18.060 | is honoring and submitting to the prescriptive authority
00:23:22.500 | of the Son of God to husbands who
00:23:25.340 | are living with a wife for the glory of God
00:23:28.500 | and for the validating of the gospel of God.
00:23:31.900 | That's the big idea.
00:23:33.500 | So the first thought is, if you want to be that kind of man,
00:23:37.140 | you have to have and possess a compelling conviction
00:23:42.300 | that this matters.
00:23:42.940 | How a wife treats her husband and how a husband treats
00:23:49.020 | a wife matters to God and affects the impact
00:23:52.860 | of the gospel of God.
00:23:56.380 | Listen, you need to recognize that your marriage is not
00:24:01.020 | first and just about your satisfaction.
00:24:04.940 | It is about God's reputation.
00:24:07.940 | It's about your neighbor's conversion.
00:24:11.980 | This perspective and heart conviction
00:24:14.460 | is foundational and non-negotiable
00:24:17.860 | for the God-honoring, gospel-validating,
00:24:22.020 | and I expect to be blessed by God, husband.
00:24:27.060 | It starts there.
00:24:28.420 | And frankly, everything else that we
00:24:29.900 | will unpack from this passage is undermined
00:24:32.980 | if there's not a bedrock conviction.
00:24:35.140 | And you know what a conviction is.
00:24:36.580 | It's a compelling belief.
00:24:38.620 | It's not just something you give mental assent to.
00:24:41.100 | It's something that motivates you
00:24:43.180 | and your actions and your behaviors and your attitudes.
00:24:46.980 | You don't have a conviction unless it's
00:24:48.820 | a compelling belief.
00:24:51.020 | This is about a compelling conviction which
00:24:55.220 | says, man, this matters.
00:24:59.540 | Now you're standing here today, however you got here,
00:25:02.620 | whether you're here because she made you come
00:25:05.380 | or whether you're here because you know what, I need this.
00:25:09.900 | I need to understand what I don't understand.
00:25:13.060 | Second characteristic of a God-honoring, gospel-validating,
00:25:16.100 | and God-blessing husband is they express
00:25:19.220 | faith-filled submission.
00:25:22.420 | I've already touched on this.
00:25:23.740 | This involves submission.
00:25:25.020 | And I'm saying it's faith-filled because what is being done
00:25:31.100 | is something that requires faith.
00:25:34.620 | They express faith-filled submission
00:25:36.660 | to their authority in the home and in all things Christ.
00:25:40.900 | They actively and voluntarily submit
00:25:43.300 | to the sovereignty and the authority of God.
00:25:46.820 | If you're a keeper of verse 7, it's
00:25:48.620 | because you're submitting to his authority and his sovereignty,
00:25:52.180 | his right to rule, recognizing-- listen to this--
00:25:55.460 | that God created your marriage.
00:25:58.300 | What God joins, that God defines the nature of your marriage.
00:26:05.020 | It's a covenant, not a contract.
00:26:06.780 | You do.
00:26:07.820 | If you do, I will.
00:26:09.220 | That's not what this is.
00:26:11.020 | This is I will even if you don't.
00:26:12.900 | This is for better or for worse.
00:26:18.020 | And that God rules over the circumstances of your marriage.
00:26:26.060 | This is-- what I have is what he wants.
00:26:29.660 | It may not be what I expected, but he rules in it,
00:26:34.380 | he governs it, and he expects me to act like it.
00:26:37.580 | They express faith-filled submission
00:26:42.300 | to the plan of God, recognizing he designed and defined
00:26:46.500 | the purpose of marriage.
00:26:48.820 | You know what purpose marriage is first and most about?
00:26:51.900 | A picture of the greatest love relationship in the universe,
00:26:55.260 | that of Christ and his bride, Ephesians 5.
00:26:59.100 | The greatest love and the duration of your marriage,
00:27:01.860 | you submit to this until death do us part.
00:27:05.740 | Submission is cardinal to success
00:27:08.700 | in honoring God, validating the gospel of God,
00:27:12.660 | and having your prayers not hindered
00:27:15.420 | as you pray them to God.
00:27:18.020 | Thirdly, they express faith-filled submission
00:27:20.340 | to the capacity of God, recognizing his ability
00:27:24.060 | to change and use your marriage.
00:27:28.620 | To save through it, because you're going to hear me argue,
00:27:32.540 | it could be that the fellow heir of the grace of life
00:27:36.820 | is talking about an unbeliever, not a believer.
00:27:40.220 | Because chapter 3, verse 1, is talking about an AWOL husband
00:27:45.140 | who is probably not a believer.
00:27:47.420 | He may be.
00:27:49.820 | And what a husband does by his behavior with someone
00:27:54.140 | who shares life, but not spiritual life,
00:27:57.300 | is he influences them by living as a husband should
00:28:01.060 | under the authority of God.
00:28:02.260 | He's a God follower submitted to God's lordship and leadership.
00:28:07.260 | Let me summarize it this way.
00:28:08.620 | In the same way as the aforementioned citizens,
00:28:11.300 | employees, and Christ did, the husband
00:28:15.580 | is to subject himself to God's expectation
00:28:18.780 | in the home and the culture by conducting themselves honorably,
00:28:23.700 | even in the face of unjust, unrighteous, and difficult
00:28:27.340 | circumstances.
00:28:29.540 | Verse 23, Jesus accepted a lot of reviling,
00:28:32.500 | didn't revile in return.
00:28:33.820 | Verse 23, chapter 2, he did not revile in return.
00:28:37.260 | While suffering, he uttered no threats,
00:28:38.900 | but he kept entrusting himself to him who judges righteously.
00:28:43.020 | I'm not only submitted to him, I'm
00:28:45.180 | trusting him so that you can be a God-glorifying,
00:28:51.820 | standout witness for Jesus Christ.
00:28:56.220 | Number three, God-honoring, gospel-validating.
00:29:03.420 | And husbands who enjoy God's blessing through prayer
00:29:07.780 | are characterized by committed--
00:29:10.540 | I'm going to give you several words that
00:29:12.220 | are housed in this verse--
00:29:13.980 | committed, engaging, and considerate.
00:29:20.380 | Committed, engaging, and considerate cohabitation
00:29:26.820 | and collaboration.
00:29:29.060 | I know that's a big sentence, but I couldn't help myself.
00:29:31.460 | That's what's in this verse.
00:29:35.780 | They are characterized by committed, engaging,
00:29:38.620 | and considerate cohabitation and collaboration.
00:29:43.260 | The characteristics of a God-honoring,
00:29:45.500 | gospel-validating, God-blessing husband
00:29:47.900 | is they are willing, they're engaging,
00:29:51.060 | they are a gracious and honoring leader.
00:29:56.580 | You display committed and considerate cohabitation.
00:30:00.140 | That's personal engagement.
00:30:01.820 | I wrote this.
00:30:06.260 | He commits to considerate collaboration, not just
00:30:09.180 | "I have to" cohabitation.
00:30:13.220 | By living with your wife in an understanding way.
00:30:16.700 | Let's look at verse 7 specifically.
00:30:18.780 | "You husbands likewise."
00:30:20.940 | "Likewise" introduces the main verb.
00:30:23.140 | You submit, like she does in the same way,
00:30:26.620 | like Christ did to His Father, like citizens do to governors.
00:30:30.820 | That's the main verb.
00:30:32.740 | "You husbands likewise submit."
00:30:35.820 | Now, this is a participle.
00:30:37.060 | It modifies the main verb.
00:30:39.300 | That's important because it explains how you're
00:30:42.100 | to live out the submission.
00:30:45.140 | It's an instrumental participle, "by."
00:30:48.740 | It's a present tense verb participle,
00:30:51.860 | which means this is a progressive, active,
00:30:54.900 | habitual behavior.
00:30:56.740 | If you're a submitter, you're going
00:30:58.860 | to display that submission by ongoing, regular, daily living.
00:31:06.740 | Living with her.
00:31:08.660 | It picks up its imperatival sense
00:31:10.940 | from the main verb, which is not optional.
00:31:14.380 | So "you husbands," I'm just unpacking it
00:31:17.420 | so that you own the authority of the scripture behind it.
00:31:20.980 | "You husbands submit."
00:31:24.380 | Just like she submits to you, you're
00:31:26.140 | to submit to Christ by living with her.
00:31:33.500 | Let's talk living for a minute.
00:31:35.420 | The word means dwelling with, residing with.
00:31:38.380 | It has the idea of personal engagement,
00:31:41.140 | not just you're in the same house.
00:31:44.460 | By living and dwelling with, let's just
00:31:46.540 | start with the basics.
00:31:48.620 | You live and dwell with them, not divorcing them,
00:31:51.140 | not separating from them, not running away from them,
00:31:54.500 | not escaping from them.
00:31:57.100 | You're living with them, not just rooming with them.
00:32:01.780 | This is not separate lives or separate beds.
00:32:04.780 | The word "living" has to do with engaging.
00:32:09.180 | It's personal interaction.
00:32:11.180 | Living with is not just eating, showering, and sleeping
00:32:17.220 | in the same house.
00:32:19.580 | The word involves proximity and engaging relational activity.
00:32:24.860 | It's doing a life with them, not just living life in the house.
00:32:31.340 | Now, I think that's important because part
00:32:33.900 | of what you do when you honor God
00:32:35.980 | is proactively pursue relationship.
00:32:39.340 | You're not too tired when you come home
00:32:41.260 | from work or from ministry.
00:32:43.420 | You have some spoons or money in the relational bank.
00:32:46.820 | You haven't used up all your words or all your interest.
00:32:50.220 | You are coming home, and you're engaging with her.
00:32:54.340 | You're the proactive pursuer.
00:32:56.060 | Living with her is submitting to Christ at home
00:33:04.620 | by proactively engaging her.
00:33:08.300 | And how does he live with her?
00:33:09.900 | Considerately.
00:33:13.980 | Live with your wives in an understanding way,
00:33:18.900 | literally according to knowledge,
00:33:24.060 | the knowledge of what she is.
00:33:28.140 | She's a woman, which is what the passage says.
00:33:31.900 | The knowledge of what she is, this
00:33:33.580 | is general knowledge you need to have.
00:33:35.300 | She's a woman.
00:33:35.900 | You say, thanks a lot.
00:33:36.780 | I already know that.
00:33:37.860 | No, you need to understand what a woman is by virtue
00:33:42.100 | of these two big categories, her constitution, a weaker vessel,
00:33:48.460 | and her social status or station, lesser, not respected.
00:33:54.660 | She's a woman, and her physical constitution
00:33:58.060 | and her social position are normatively weaker.
00:34:02.100 | You live with her as--
00:34:04.300 | that's a comparative word--
00:34:06.740 | as with a weaker vessel.
00:34:08.700 | The presumption is she's physically weaker.
00:34:11.660 | I mean, if you have a jar that can't be opened at home,
00:34:14.020 | do the kids bring it to you or her?
00:34:17.220 | Don't answer that if they bring it to her.
00:34:18.980 | There's a reason that the world powerlifting champion for women
00:34:26.380 | is a trans guy.
00:34:29.780 | That's a true statement.
00:34:30.940 | Look, if you arm wrestle and she wins, we need to talk after.
00:34:39.780 | [LAUGHTER]
00:34:44.060 | Weaker, it means without strength, lesser strength
00:34:46.900 | by comparison, not strong compared to you.
00:34:52.100 | You need to recognize that in her physical constitution,
00:34:56.540 | she's in need of support and protection.
00:34:59.780 | That's the idea.
00:35:02.740 | He tells Peter here that husbands,
00:35:05.900 | God-honoring, gospel-validating, and God-blessing husbands
00:35:08.980 | are to live with their wife according
00:35:10.580 | to the common knowledge that as a woman,
00:35:13.020 | she's generally weaker physically
00:35:14.900 | than her husband is, who's a man.
00:35:18.820 | The key idea would imply personal and physical
00:35:22.140 | protection, the assumption being she's vulnerable
00:35:25.380 | without that protection.
00:35:28.180 | She's vulnerable to injury and harm.
00:35:30.540 | Ellicott, the commentator, says all of chivalry
00:35:36.860 | is in these words.
00:35:39.380 | "Weakness itself," he writes, "by being weakness
00:35:42.180 | has a claim upon the stronger man's deference
00:35:45.140 | and self-submission."
00:35:47.660 | This is about considering her and living with her
00:35:52.900 | in a way that recognizes she needs your protection.
00:35:57.300 | I write it this way.
00:36:02.020 | Practically, he, you, walk on the vehicle side of the street.
00:36:08.300 | You remove the snakes and you kill the spiders.
00:36:10.620 | You check out the noise in the night.
00:36:15.940 | Honey, go check that out.
00:36:21.860 | What is that?
00:36:22.380 | You're the one who provides protection
00:36:28.620 | from predators and bad actors.
00:36:32.940 | This kind of husband keeps his wife out of situations
00:36:36.060 | that endanger her.
00:36:37.420 | Listen, I live in a very safe neighborhood
00:36:41.900 | if there is such a thing in Southern California.
00:36:43.900 | It's the country and the city.
00:36:45.100 | But Karen's not going for a walk around our college campus
00:36:47.900 | without our German shepherd walking with her.
00:36:50.460 | I tell her, I said, honey, I don't know of a guy
00:36:57.580 | that you're going to win over.
00:36:59.980 | Overpower is what I mean by that.
00:37:03.420 | You're not walking alone at night.
00:37:07.020 | And you're not driving alone at night into that part of town.
00:37:10.300 | No way, no how.
00:37:13.180 | Otherwise, I'm going.
00:37:14.060 | Because a husband who lives with his wife according to knowledge
00:37:21.980 | understands that.
00:37:23.980 | And he treats her like that, chivalrously.
00:37:27.100 | And by the way, weaker is not a reference to tougher.
00:37:35.100 | You ever see a woman birth a baby?
00:37:36.500 | She's tough.
00:37:39.340 | This is not about smarter.
00:37:40.780 | She's not intellectually weaker.
00:37:42.460 | Do you know how many women are compellingly bright?
00:37:46.540 | This is not about smarts.
00:37:50.540 | And it's not about she's lesser because she's weaker.
00:37:54.980 | It's not like we're better because we're stronger.
00:37:57.260 | This is simply a reference to the fact that she's vulnerable
00:38:04.300 | and you're to protect her.
00:38:07.180 | My wife would expect me to protect her
00:38:10.940 | by what comes across the television screen at our house,
00:38:16.060 | what she gets exposed to.
00:38:18.620 | She's actually under the conviction
00:38:21.140 | that it's her husband's responsibility
00:38:23.420 | to watch out for her, not just physically, but emotionally.
00:38:27.020 | That's what these words--
00:38:31.660 | and let me add this.
00:38:33.540 | And women in that day--
00:38:35.860 | listen to this-- not regarded in society at all,
00:38:38.260 | treated like a Gentile or a dog.
00:38:41.540 | In other words, she had no status in that culture
00:38:44.380 | when Peter's writing this.
00:38:45.740 | Oh yeah, they could have babies.
00:38:47.080 | They could own property.
00:38:48.700 | They were considered citizens.
00:38:50.660 | But that's it.
00:38:53.020 | No societal influence, no social influence.
00:38:56.180 | Part of what a husband does is recognizing
00:38:59.340 | her physical station as weaker and her social status
00:39:03.740 | is lesser.
00:39:06.260 | So I'm going to argue, gentlemen,
00:39:07.620 | you live with her in a right way.
00:39:10.180 | You're going to treat her with honor and respect in ways
00:39:12.540 | a culture never could.
00:39:16.460 | It's not about her demanding anything.
00:39:19.300 | It's about you honoring her because you
00:39:22.240 | are the stronger, both socially and physically.
00:39:28.500 | Let me add this too.
00:39:29.660 | Cohabitation, considerate cohabitation
00:39:34.340 | is more than general knowledge.
00:39:36.060 | Gentlemen, you need to have specific working knowledge.
00:39:38.900 | Notice what the passage says.
00:39:40.500 | Live with your wife in an understanding way.
00:39:44.700 | You know what that introduces?
00:39:46.920 | My wife is not your wife.
00:39:49.420 | Your wife is not my wife or somebody else's.
00:39:51.860 | Well, you need to know your girl.
00:39:54.220 | You need to be a master at knowing her.
00:39:59.500 | My wife, horses, not motorcycles.
00:40:03.880 | Chocolate chip, not oatmeal raisin.
00:40:05.860 | Country, not city.
00:40:10.780 | Boots, not heels.
00:40:12.180 | Jeans, not dresses.
00:40:13.180 | Chocolates, not jewelry.
00:40:18.220 | Russell Stover's or C's.
00:40:22.060 | Craftsman, not modern.
00:40:23.460 | I'm talking about architectural and interior design.
00:40:25.700 | My wife needs time to decide.
00:40:31.940 | She's a time to process decider, not a turn
00:40:34.820 | on a dime decision maker.
00:40:37.620 | I'm the one who can turn on a dime.
00:40:40.500 | But learning to live with her is recognition she needs time.
00:40:44.300 | And Karen, my wife, it's time with her and for her,
00:40:48.900 | not we in a group.
00:40:51.460 | Now, I'm a pastor.
00:40:52.700 | Guess what I do?
00:40:53.540 | Groups.
00:40:54.040 | But my wife needs time not in a group.
00:41:00.260 | Your wife is not my wife.
00:41:01.660 | You need to know your wife.
00:41:03.820 | You need to be a specialist.
00:41:05.860 | You live with her according to knowledge.
00:41:08.540 | You're a student of her.
00:41:11.060 | This is what submitting to Christ looks like
00:41:13.980 | if you're going to honor God.
00:41:17.420 | Your wife doesn't have to clamor for attention.
00:41:19.660 | She does not have to demand your interest.
00:41:24.460 | You're showing up ready to engage,
00:41:26.860 | informed by the reality of who she is as a woman generally
00:41:30.540 | and who she is as your wife.
00:41:36.220 | Listen, Deuteronomy 24.5, and it ought to get our attention,
00:41:39.860 | says this, "When a man takes a new wife,
00:41:41.940 | he shall not go out with the army
00:41:43.540 | nor be charged with any duty.
00:41:45.460 | He shall be free at home one year
00:41:50.540 | and shall give happiness to his wife whom he has taken."
00:41:54.900 | Now, you can interpret that a lot of ways.
00:41:56.740 | But I don't think I'm staying at home for a year
00:41:58.740 | so she can learn how to make me happy.
00:42:02.260 | This is I'm learning how to make her happy.
00:42:06.580 | I'm learning how to minister to her specifically and uniquely.
00:42:11.420 | There's a second thing about considerate cohabitation,
00:42:17.780 | and it does involve considerate collaboration.
00:42:22.300 | I'm going to just mention this for the sake of time today,
00:42:25.820 | but your marriage is about a divine partnership
00:42:29.980 | and friendship.
00:42:33.500 | This is Genesis 128.
00:42:36.380 | God made them male and female.
00:42:41.380 | He dispensed and deposited His glory into two
00:42:45.780 | who in a complementary marriage relationship
00:42:48.700 | represent the glories of God together.
00:42:53.060 | "It is not good," this is God in a perfect world,
00:42:58.340 | six days of creation not complete.
00:43:03.260 | He looks at the world He's made and He said,
00:43:05.500 | "It is not good for Adam to be alone, man to be alone."
00:43:08.860 | Remember this?
00:43:11.780 | Not good to be alone.
00:43:13.020 | What do you mean He's alone?
00:43:13.820 | God's there.
00:43:15.260 | Got a whole wealth of the animal kingdom,
00:43:17.580 | spot and all of His other breeds are there.
00:43:20.420 | Some people think spot's all you need.
00:43:24.580 | God didn't think that's all you needed.
00:43:26.660 | He looked at a perfect world that He had created
00:43:29.460 | and He said, "Adam, it's not good for you to be alone."
00:43:33.980 | So I'm going to make a helper.
00:43:36.340 | Do you know what that word means?
00:43:37.700 | Someone who makes up what that which is lacking.
00:43:40.060 | Lacking for what?
00:43:41.220 | The purpose for which I made you.
00:43:44.780 | I made you, and gentlemen, God made every one of you.
00:43:47.980 | This is the, you know that, but for a purpose.
00:43:51.540 | Acts 13, 36, when David finished his purpose
00:43:55.940 | in his generation, he fell asleep.
00:43:58.820 | Now, does anyone even want to argue
00:44:00.140 | that David's the only guy that had a purpose from God?
00:44:03.340 | Every designed child of God, every man of God,
00:44:08.340 | every human being is purposed by God
00:44:12.500 | for a purpose in your generation.
00:44:15.060 | You are missional by design,
00:44:17.820 | and your mission is your mission.
00:44:20.460 | I'm doing my mission, and critical to my mission
00:44:24.140 | is somebody who makes up what I lack.
00:44:26.580 | Because I can't get this done without the partner
00:44:31.300 | that God said I needed to do what He created me to do.
00:44:35.700 | So if you're going to cohabit with her,
00:44:37.980 | you need to collaborate with her,
00:44:40.660 | because she's your partner.
00:44:43.260 | I would put it this way.
00:44:44.660 | You lack a practical partner, a teammate,
00:44:47.580 | so that you can fulfill the destiny and purpose
00:44:50.140 | and mission for which God made you.
00:44:52.260 | And if you're living with her according to knowledge,
00:44:57.620 | you get that, which made you include her.
00:45:01.620 | It's not like you leave it all at the office
00:45:03.460 | or all at the church.
00:45:05.620 | You actually have a partner to walk with you.
00:45:09.820 | Now listen, there's certain spaces
00:45:11.260 | and things you can't talk about at home with your wife.
00:45:13.420 | I have a thing with my elders.
00:45:14.900 | We have a confidential environment
00:45:16.500 | unless we release you from confidence
00:45:18.340 | because you can't go home and tell her
00:45:20.020 | because she wasn't in the meeting.
00:45:21.700 | So I'm not advocating that she becomes,
00:45:25.820 | it's Pastor Harry and Pastor Karen.
00:45:27.460 | That's not what I'm saying.
00:45:28.820 | I'm saying she's your partner essentially.
00:45:33.260 | That's a collaborating relationship,
00:45:35.620 | and it's a necessary one.
00:45:38.700 | Your wife needs to own your journey.
00:45:42.180 | The greatest advocate, cheerleader in your life,
00:45:47.020 | committed to your calling should be your girl.
00:45:50.540 | And she's not gonna be unless you include her
00:45:54.220 | because this is living with her in an understanding way.
00:45:57.740 | The second thing it says she is, she is a helper suitable.
00:46:05.980 | It's a Hebrew word which means she fits,
00:46:08.060 | like a puzzle piece used to broken pottery.
00:46:10.540 | Translated in the book of Proverbs as intimate companion.
00:46:15.380 | Do you know what your wife is?
00:46:18.020 | You're living with her in an understanding way,
00:46:20.060 | a necessary intimate friend.
00:46:22.580 | Your best buddies ought not be ministry buddies
00:46:27.220 | because they're not suitable for that.
00:46:33.140 | She's God-crafted for that.
00:46:36.220 | So this is about collaborating with her
00:46:40.940 | as a partner in your mission
00:46:43.540 | and as a companion for your life.
00:46:46.100 | And if there's not time for that,
00:46:49.500 | you're not submitted to the requirement of living with her
00:46:54.300 | in a way that's according to knowledge.
00:46:57.300 | The fourth characteristic of a God-honoring gospel
00:47:02.340 | validating a God-blessing husband
00:47:06.420 | is he's committed to displaying a respectful disposition
00:47:14.540 | and honoring his wife's high position.
00:47:18.860 | Now I know if you read Ephesians,
00:47:22.420 | there's a book title that says love and respect.
00:47:25.180 | Let me tell you what you are commanded to do as a husband.
00:47:30.020 | Love your wife.
00:47:31.820 | Present active imperative, Colossians chapter three,
00:47:35.140 | verse 19 says, "Husbands, always love your wife."
00:47:41.500 | It's non-negotiable, it's a requirement.
00:47:44.540 | By the way, only two verbs for husbands in Colossians.
00:47:46.980 | A lot written in Ephesians, 11 verses,
00:47:51.140 | one verse to husbands.
00:47:52.220 | You only have to memorize one verse
00:47:54.020 | because her verse isn't for you.
00:47:55.620 | Her verse says, "Wives, submit yourself to your husbands."
00:47:58.340 | Notice what doesn't start,
00:47:59.180 | "Husbands, make your wife submit," doesn't say that.
00:48:02.420 | She's got one verse, you have one verse, you have two verbs.
00:48:05.780 | Husbands, love your wife.
00:48:09.140 | And then he goes on to say,
00:48:11.520 | "And don't ever be harsh with her."
00:48:13.420 | You know what's housed in harsh?
00:48:15.900 | Don't be embittered.
00:48:16.980 | The word embittered means you've been injured by her
00:48:19.340 | and you injure back.
00:48:20.660 | Typically, she's gonna injure you with words.
00:48:22.980 | Rarely is she gonna beat you up.
00:48:25.580 | Going back to the weaker vessel thing.
00:48:29.100 | So when she injures you with words,
00:48:31.140 | what do you not do ever?
00:48:33.860 | Injure her back with words.
00:48:36.340 | This is what you always do, you love her.
00:48:40.660 | You consider her needs greater than your own.
00:48:44.340 | We know, loved by this, that he laid down his life for us.
00:48:47.320 | It's sacrificial.
00:48:48.460 | For us, it's beneficial.
00:48:50.840 | When did he do that?
00:48:51.840 | Why we were his enemies, unconditional.
00:48:54.380 | We know, loved by this, that he himself,
00:48:58.500 | that's personal.
00:49:00.180 | He didn't hire somebody as a surrogate.
00:49:03.380 | Laid down his life for us.
00:49:06.740 | That's what love is.
00:49:08.620 | That's what love does.
00:49:10.060 | That's what we're commanded to do.
00:49:11.940 | And the thing we're never to do
00:49:14.340 | is to treat her with disrespect, harshly, and harm her.
00:49:19.020 | Listen, your woman, your wife, comes soft.
00:49:24.020 | You want her to stay soft.
00:49:28.040 | You can callous by harshness
00:49:33.040 | what you need most from her, which is intimacy.
00:49:37.680 | Vulnerability in every kind of way.
00:49:41.160 | This is the divine design when God said,
00:49:45.520 | I'm going to make a helper, a practical partner,
00:49:50.000 | intimate companion for you.
00:49:51.800 | Remember what Adam did?
00:49:52.640 | He looked at every other option.
00:49:54.720 | Started naming the animals,
00:49:56.040 | and at the end of that exercise,
00:49:57.520 | which showed his missional calling
00:49:59.520 | as regent over the created world,
00:50:02.640 | what did it say?
00:50:04.040 | And there was not found anyone or anything suitable to him.
00:50:09.040 | So then he gets put to sleep.
00:50:13.240 | God takes from his core, out of his core,
00:50:16.360 | the rib which he fashions, that is an art word,
00:50:19.720 | custom makes, a woman from his rib.
00:50:24.520 | So from his core, for his core need,
00:50:28.440 | God supernaturally creates from him, for him,
00:50:33.440 | masterfully and artfully,
00:50:35.880 | a solution to what he didn't have, a helper suitable.
00:50:39.640 | You may not know this, but when it says,
00:50:43.240 | and God brought her to the man,
00:50:44.920 | the word brought means he unveiled her to him.
00:50:47.540 | That's why brides used to wear veils,
00:50:51.520 | because the father who represents God
00:50:53.220 | would bring her down the aisle,
00:50:54.560 | and at the appropriate time, he would unveil her.
00:50:57.260 | That's what God did.
00:51:00.180 | It's not like, hey, check it out.
00:51:03.060 | I'm imagining it was much more like this.
00:51:11.120 | God in front, her behind, and he steps aside and said,
00:51:14.520 | this is, this is what I did.
00:51:16.960 | And you know what Adam did to that?
00:51:20.760 | Now we're talking, right?
00:51:22.320 | (audience laughing)
00:51:24.480 | That's what he said.
00:51:25.320 | This is now, emphatic, now this is bone of my bones,
00:51:29.600 | flesh of my flesh.
00:51:30.880 | This is what I couldn't find anywhere in a perfect world.
00:51:34.560 | Remember that?
00:51:37.280 | Bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh,
00:51:40.880 | she shall be called Esha, woman,
00:51:43.760 | because she was taken out of Esh.
00:51:45.200 | Do you hear the similarity?
00:51:46.500 | I want her to have a derivative of my name
00:51:48.680 | because I want everybody to know I agree with God,
00:51:50.920 | and she goes with me, which is why she gets your name.
00:51:54.800 | She gets your name because it's your way of saying,
00:51:57.960 | I agree with God, this is what I needed and didn't have,
00:52:00.480 | and this is what he gave to me,
00:52:02.080 | and I want the world to know this is what he gave to me.
00:52:05.140 | Are you tracking with me?
00:52:08.000 | All right, now, so here's the deal.
00:52:09.920 | If you don't live with her in an understanding way
00:52:12.720 | and high recognition of her high station
00:52:15.880 | in her human creation and God's custom provision,
00:52:21.880 | you're not gonna live with her according to this verse.
00:52:25.840 | It's according to knowledge.
00:52:27.640 | What knowledge?
00:52:28.760 | That knowledge.
00:52:29.880 | If you would happen to pick up my phone
00:52:34.520 | and my wife is calling, it would say Princess Karen,
00:52:39.520 | and you say aww, all the women would say aww,
00:52:42.880 | but you know why it says that?
00:52:44.720 | Yes, she's a princess, yes, she's my princess,
00:52:47.680 | but you know why that is?
00:52:48.520 | 'Cause I forget that.
00:52:50.600 | I just forget who she is.
00:52:53.580 | I need to remember who she is,
00:52:56.480 | so whatever you do to help you live with her
00:52:59.720 | in according to a way that recognizes real knowledge
00:53:03.860 | and real revelation so you'll treat her like that, do that.
00:53:08.860 | Otherwise, your prayers are hindered.
00:53:13.200 | Respectful disposition, not a harsh one.
00:53:18.680 | Honoring your wife's high station.
00:53:23.680 | Let's go back to the verse, verse seven,
00:53:26.520 | 'cause we're kinda unpacking it.
00:53:28.440 | Since she's a woman, do you see the and?
00:53:32.000 | It's a connective.
00:53:32.840 | It's adding one other participle saying
00:53:35.320 | this is what submission looks like.
00:53:37.120 | It begins with engaging, considerate,
00:53:41.040 | cohabitation, involvement, and this is a participle,
00:53:46.160 | verse seven, and granting her honor.
00:53:49.240 | So I'm only submitting, I'm only honoring the Lord,
00:53:53.200 | I'm only validating the gospel
00:53:55.320 | if I add to my living with her according to knowledge
00:53:59.480 | by elevating her, granting her honor.
00:54:02.840 | Granting her honor.
00:54:06.680 | He daily shows his wife honor.
00:54:14.080 | This word simply put means you treat her
00:54:18.020 | as if she has high value and great worth.
00:54:20.440 | You pay your respect towards her
00:54:25.720 | and you behave respectfully towards her
00:54:28.280 | because you recognize the value she shares.
00:54:32.580 | You grant her honor.
00:54:34.120 | Someone has said honor and love are not the same things.
00:54:38.340 | Love is a willful sacrificial action and strong affection.
00:54:41.480 | Honor is to think highly, to respect highly,
00:54:45.200 | to show respect for, to recognize the value of
00:54:48.220 | and bestow regard for in light of that value.
00:54:51.580 | Here's what a God honoring gospel validating,
00:54:54.960 | God answering and blessing a husband does.
00:54:58.640 | He assigns and displays value and worth to his wife
00:55:01.960 | by respectful, you have high value
00:55:04.880 | and you are my equal attitudes and actions.
00:55:10.640 | First he honors his wife as an equal.
00:55:12.480 | She's a fellow heir.
00:55:14.320 | Fellow means she's on my par.
00:55:16.560 | She has an equal station with me.
00:55:18.480 | She's a share of similar condition or status that I do.
00:55:23.120 | She has different roles, responsibilities,
00:55:25.480 | abilities and capacities,
00:55:27.080 | but what she possesses is equal value and position.
00:55:30.920 | She's a fellow heir.
00:55:32.400 | Fellow makes her equal.
00:55:33.880 | She is not inferior.
00:55:40.440 | She has a secondary responsibility and leadership,
00:55:44.680 | but that doesn't make her lesser
00:55:46.520 | any more than when Jesus said I come to do your will,
00:55:48.680 | not my own, makes him lesser.
00:55:50.640 | Second he honors her as an equal heir.
00:55:56.320 | That is someone who shares a high station by grace.
00:56:00.320 | That's what it says, a fellow heir of the grace of life.
00:56:04.220 | She has a unique position in creation with you
00:56:08.640 | and if she's a Christian,
00:56:09.800 | she has a unique position with you in salvation
00:56:12.520 | because this is unmerited life
00:56:15.640 | and I'm gonna argue it's life in two potential ways.
00:56:18.160 | The reason you treat her as an equal
00:56:20.120 | is because she enjoys what you enjoy,
00:56:22.560 | which is natural life.
00:56:25.440 | So I don't find any good reason to say this has,
00:56:28.120 | to say exclusively, it only involves
00:56:31.280 | to the shared space we have as children of God.
00:56:35.760 | She's a fellow heir of the salvation benefits that I enjoy.
00:56:40.120 | No good reason to restrict this phrase
00:56:45.520 | to a reference only to spiritual and eternal life.
00:56:49.120 | Matter of fact, one commentator says here,
00:56:50.840 | therefore we may well suppose that he's thinking chiefly
00:56:53.520 | of the case of believing husbands
00:56:55.280 | married to unbelieving wives.
00:56:57.360 | The first thing is that they are to dwell with these wives,
00:57:02.480 | not to divorce them,
00:57:03.640 | not to see cease with conjugal cohabitation with them.
00:57:07.520 | Such harshness would inhibit the gospel
00:57:10.000 | and misrepresent Christianity.
00:57:12.280 | This is the potential, this commentator writes,
00:57:15.080 | application of Paul's declaration
00:57:17.100 | that the unbelieving wife is sanctified by her husband.
00:57:20.960 | Now I wanna argue exegetically,
00:57:23.560 | that means based on the context
00:57:25.360 | and everything else going on,
00:57:26.600 | this whole section is one example after another
00:57:29.120 | of living honorably and differently
00:57:31.520 | in the face of difficulty.
00:57:33.300 | I'm gonna argue it's likely that this girl
00:57:36.880 | that you're supposed to grant honor to
00:57:39.320 | may not be having in honorable ways.
00:57:41.700 | But she's a fellow heir of the life that you breathe
00:57:46.280 | and the life you enjoy, treat her with that.
00:57:49.040 | So you honor her and respect her
00:57:51.160 | in view of the purposeful creation by God,
00:57:54.080 | that she's your partner, your companion,
00:57:56.280 | she's the co-regent with you over God's natural creation.
00:57:59.820 | You honor her in recognition of that.
00:58:04.820 | Listen, the world should not have to clamor
00:58:11.820 | to elevate a woman in marriage.
00:58:13.780 | That should start with us.
00:58:16.620 | Further, if she's saved,
00:58:23.740 | she's an equal heir with you
00:58:26.660 | and she shares the high station
00:58:28.860 | and unique position in redemption that you share.
00:58:32.620 | Her worth is not just in her creation,
00:58:35.940 | but in her salvation.
00:58:38.100 | A God-honoring husband renders his wife honor
00:58:40.820 | in light of the fact that they are co-heirs
00:58:43.220 | as children of God enjoying the grace of eternal life
00:58:46.380 | with all of its presence and future benefits.
00:58:49.140 | You know this, of all Christians, male and female,
00:58:51.240 | the scripture says that we are all children of God
00:58:55.460 | and heirs, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ.
00:58:59.420 | So that whatever Christ has, we share,
00:59:02.100 | whatever I share with Christ, she shares.
00:59:05.580 | It is a high station.
00:59:07.680 | You grant her as a woman, remembering Galatians 3:26,
00:59:12.900 | "There's neither bond nor free, nor rich, nor poor,
00:59:15.340 | "nor male, nor female."
00:59:17.120 | Our identity in Jesus Christ is equal
00:59:21.300 | and therefore we treat her with that equality
00:59:25.040 | and that high station.
00:59:26.380 | I'm the pastor, I'm the husband, I'm the father,
00:59:32.540 | I'm the leader of the home.
00:59:34.220 | Those are responsibilities that I have.
00:59:37.140 | They are not status symbols or definitions or titles.
00:59:42.140 | Are you with me?
00:59:43.620 | This is biblical Christianity.
00:59:47.420 | This is what's to cause the world around you to listen.
00:59:50.300 | All right, I'm gonna flesh this out.
00:59:52.860 | I only have a few minutes left
00:59:53.980 | so you take notes fast or you're just gonna have
00:59:55.860 | to listen hard.
00:59:57.160 | (audience laughing)
00:59:58.660 | 'Cause I got some things I want to share
01:00:00.740 | by way of the unpacking of the grace of life.
01:00:03.700 | Seven ways, okay, so they're gonna be fast.
01:00:06.400 | God honoring, gospel validating husbands.
01:00:12.400 | Respect and honor the reality of this shared
01:00:14.780 | grace of life station.
01:00:16.660 | Creation and salvation.
01:00:18.980 | Treating his wife as an essential kingdom mission
01:00:23.420 | partner, not just a housekeeper.
01:00:25.820 | He solicits, receives, respects, and values her input
01:00:31.860 | on life, family, and ministry priorities.
01:00:35.620 | He respects her opinion.
01:00:38.360 | Number two, he treats his wife as an intimate companion
01:00:44.040 | with whom he shares his life and soul.
01:00:47.380 | He values her as a one-of-a-kind solution
01:00:50.100 | to his aloneness problem.
01:00:52.100 | Therefore, he prioritizes time with her.
01:00:55.340 | He communicates his heart with her and ask about her heart.
01:01:00.340 | He does life with her, not just lives in the house with her,
01:01:03.900 | sharing duties with her.
01:01:05.540 | He respects her as a life partner and best friend.
01:01:09.220 | Three, he partners with his wife in their shared
01:01:14.820 | family responsibilities in the home.
01:01:17.900 | I don't have time to go into this,
01:01:20.500 | but during COVID, a lot of guys demonstrated
01:01:23.900 | whether they were owners at home or not.
01:01:26.500 | They were at home, they just didn't do the work
01:01:28.220 | of a home sharer, partner.
01:01:30.780 | We should be people that enter into the responsibilities
01:01:35.780 | of leading a home.
01:01:37.260 | Somebody's put it this way.
01:01:38.420 | We need to involve in the unpaid work that she has.
01:01:41.800 | We share it cognitive labor.
01:01:44.500 | We help lead at home.
01:01:47.540 | Men need to do their fair share of this labor.
01:01:50.580 | I'll just say it simply as that.
01:01:52.260 | Four, he affirms her rarity and beauty.
01:01:57.020 | This is the grace of life.
01:01:59.100 | If you get it, you're gonna affirm her rarity and beauty.
01:02:01.840 | She's one-of-a-kind, she's custom-made for you.
01:02:04.920 | You acknowledge her God-given talents and passions
01:02:07.860 | and you support their growth and expression
01:02:10.100 | for the glory of God and the good of men.
01:02:12.260 | You are the leader of your wife first.
01:02:15.660 | You maximize who she is.
01:02:18.420 | You understand, according to knowledge,
01:02:20.540 | her giftedness, her passions.
01:02:22.780 | That's what you do for people in the church.
01:02:25.280 | You teach them the word of God and then you help them
01:02:27.620 | to realize their potential for the glory of God.
01:02:30.240 | Job one is at home.
01:02:32.780 | My wife needs to flourish.
01:02:35.260 | Your wife needs to flourish.
01:02:36.980 | Why?
01:02:37.820 | Because she's in a good church?
01:02:39.340 | No, because she's in a good home with a good husband.
01:02:45.360 | He promotes her strengths and protects her weaknesses.
01:02:48.660 | I'm hurrying, I know we need to go.
01:02:52.380 | He respects his wife spiritually and recognizes her
01:02:56.220 | before God equality as a sister in Christ.
01:02:59.340 | He does not regard himself as better than her
01:03:03.480 | or more important than her.
01:03:04.940 | And finally, this is number seven.
01:03:08.040 | He acknowledges and values her spiritual giftedness
01:03:11.120 | and promotes and supports her necessary
01:03:13.480 | and essential contribution to the body of Christ.
01:03:16.200 | She is a fellow heir of everything I have.
01:03:19.680 | We share it together.
01:03:21.740 | And if I live with her in an understanding way
01:03:24.840 | that maximizes that, and gentlemen, you can agree with me,
01:03:29.060 | I'm 42 years in this June.
01:03:31.680 | Dated her for two 42 years as her husband
01:03:35.540 | come June the fifth.
01:03:36.820 | Guess what I am?
01:03:37.760 | Still learning.
01:03:41.800 | So whatever Harry Walls has said to you today
01:03:44.760 | out of this passage, it's not because I have achieved
01:03:48.960 | or accomplished it all.
01:03:51.320 | I am convinced that this is required of me
01:03:54.600 | before I taste heaven to secure this ground
01:03:59.240 | so that God is honored, the gospel is validated,
01:04:03.240 | and God hears and answers my prayers.
01:04:05.480 | And guess what I need?
01:04:06.640 | That, can you say amen to that?
01:04:08.240 | - Amen.
01:04:09.080 | - All right, gentlemen, thank you.
01:04:10.200 | God bless you.
01:04:11.040 | (audience applauding)