Can a Husband Lust After His Wife?

00:00:05.000 | Michael writes in to ask this, "Pastor John, is it possible for a husband to lust after his own wife?

00:00:11.000 | So is that a sin even possible within the marriage relationship?"

00:00:15.000 | Well, I wish I had Michael here to just ask him more precisely what he has in mind by lusting after his wife.

00:00:22.000 | So let me go at it from a Bible text and then circle around maybe and guess at what Michael might have in his mind

00:00:29.000 | and do the best to answer his question.

00:00:32.000 | Here's a relevant text, and it may be a little confusing because the translations differ here,

00:00:37.000 | and I'm going to opt for a more unusual one.

00:00:40.000 | I'm thinking of 1 Thessalonians 4, 3 through 5.

00:00:43.000 | Here's my translation. Well, I'll give both, ESV and mine, or NIV. They're all the same pretty much.

00:00:51.000 | "For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality,

00:00:57.000 | that each one of you"--now here comes the controversial part--

00:01:00.000 | "that each one of you know how to"--ESV--"control his own body in holiness and honor."

00:01:08.000 | Now the issue is the word behind "body" is "vessel." That's the literal translation, "vessel."

00:01:14.000 | So it's either "possess," "obtain," or "control his own vessel."

00:01:21.000 | So there are two possibilities. One, he's talking about his wife, his own vessel,

00:01:28.000 | and that's the one I'm opting for because in 1 Peter 3, 7 it says,

00:01:33.000 | "Live together with your wife and honor her as the weaker vessel."

00:01:37.000 | That's the word that's used here.

00:01:39.000 | Or it could be your own self, your own sexual organ, the vessel.

00:01:44.000 | So which is it? It's a wonderful truth both ways.

00:01:48.000 | But if you go with "vessel" as "wife," which is what I'm doing here, then it reads something like this.

00:01:54.000 | "Each one of you should know how to possess or have a wife in holiness and honor,

00:02:02.000 | not in passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God."

00:02:08.000 | Which means there is a sinful way to treat your wife in sexual relations.

00:02:13.000 | And that's why I chose this verse.

00:02:16.000 | And of course that would be true even if this translation were different.

00:02:21.000 | So let me just work on that for just a minute.

00:02:25.000 | There is a dishonorable and unholy way to deal with your wife sexually.

00:02:34.000 | Every Christian husband should have his wife's desires and his wife's pleasures in mind

00:02:45.000 | when he thinks about sexual relations and when he does sexual relations.

00:02:53.000 | And of course she should do the same.

00:02:55.000 | In other words, he doesn't just barge in there and do whatever he feels like doing

00:03:00.000 | with no reverence to what does this woman delight in, what does she enjoy, what would please her.

00:03:07.000 | There's this happy competition.

00:03:10.000 | Who can make the other most happy?

00:03:12.000 | Who can outdo the other in showing honor?

00:03:14.000 | Like 1 Corinthians 7, 3.

00:03:17.000 | Husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, likewise the wife to her husband.

00:03:23.000 | The wife's body does not belong to her, but also to her husband.

00:03:28.000 | And the same way the husband's body does not belong to him alone, but to his wife.

00:03:35.000 | So they're both competing to be the servant of the other's maximum pleasure.

00:03:44.000 | And that's really remarkable.

00:03:46.000 | What an amazing competition in marriage.

00:03:50.000 | The man does not use his headship.

00:03:52.000 | This is not a compromise of headship.

00:03:54.000 | This is telling a man, you don't use your headship here to be demanding.

00:04:01.000 | Use your headship to create.

00:04:04.000 | You're an initiative taker to create situations of the greatest possible mutual joy.

00:04:11.000 | That's what headship is here.

00:04:13.000 | So back to the question.

00:04:15.000 | Can you lust after your own wife?

00:04:18.000 | If you're governed by this approach to love and honor and holiness in a sexual relationship,

00:04:25.000 | I don't think it's wrong for a husband to want his wife sexually

00:04:30.000 | and to think about having her and hold her in his mind the way he would hold her in bed.

00:04:38.000 | So if that's what he's thinking about, can you entertain in your mind thoughts about sexual delights with your wife?

00:04:46.000 | I think the answer is absolutely yes.

00:04:48.000 | There's no sin in your mind that wouldn't be sin in your bed.

00:04:53.000 | What would be sin is if a husband imagined sin or desired sin or took on attitudes to his wife in his heart,

00:05:04.000 | that would be wrong in the bedroom.

00:05:07.000 | So I think it's right for a husband to enjoy his wife anyway in the mind.

00:05:12.000 | That would be right to enjoy her in the bed.

00:05:16.000 | And it just closes with this stunning thing.

00:05:18.000 | It's just kind of out of the blue, but just so amazing.

00:05:23.000 | I can't leave it unsaid.

00:05:24.000 | The stunning thing in all of this is that this is a picture of Christ and the church.

00:05:31.000 | Like, are you kidding me?

00:05:34.000 | That Paul would say that this cherishing, this nurturing, this delighting, this pleasuring,

00:05:42.000 | is a portrait, a drama of Christ's relationship to his bride.

00:05:48.000 | We should be amazed that our Savior chose to describe his relationship with his church with a parable of such exquisite pleasure.

00:06:03.000 | And people say theology is boring.

00:06:05.000 | Thank you, Pastor John, and thank you for listening to this podcast.

00:06:08.000 | Please email your questions to us at AskPastorJohn@DesiringGod.org

00:06:12.000 | and visit us online at DesiringGod.org to find thousands of books, articles, sermons, and other resources from John Piper, all free of charge.

00:06:19.000 | Monday, we'll talk about why dads need to be playing with their kids,

00:06:22.000 | and, Pastor John, you'll explain the profound gospel implications for a dad who gets on the floor and plays blocks.

00:06:28.000 | Until then, I'm your host, Tony Reinke. Have a great weekend.

00:06:31.000 | [END]

00:06:33.000 | Desiring God.org

00:06:38.000 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

Can a Husband Lust After His Wife?

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