Michael writes in to ask this, "Pastor John, is it possible for a husband to lust after his own wife? So is that a sin even possible within the marriage relationship?" Well, I wish I had Michael here to just ask him more precisely what he has in mind by lusting after his wife.

So let me go at it from a Bible text and then circle around maybe and guess at what Michael might have in his mind and do the best to answer his question. Here's a relevant text, and it may be a little confusing because the translations differ here, and I'm going to opt for a more unusual one.

I'm thinking of 1 Thessalonians 4, 3 through 5. Here's my translation. Well, I'll give both, ESV and mine, or NIV. They're all the same pretty much. "For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you"--now here comes the controversial part-- "that each one of you know how to"--ESV--"control his own body in holiness and honor." Now the issue is the word behind "body" is "vessel." That's the literal translation, "vessel." So it's either "possess," "obtain," or "control his own vessel." So there are two possibilities.

One, he's talking about his wife, his own vessel, and that's the one I'm opting for because in 1 Peter 3, 7 it says, "Live together with your wife and honor her as the weaker vessel." That's the word that's used here. Or it could be your own self, your own sexual organ, the vessel.

So which is it? It's a wonderful truth both ways. But if you go with "vessel" as "wife," which is what I'm doing here, then it reads something like this. "Each one of you should know how to possess or have a wife in holiness and honor, not in passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God." Which means there is a sinful way to treat your wife in sexual relations.

And that's why I chose this verse. And of course that would be true even if this translation were different. So let me just work on that for just a minute. There is a dishonorable and unholy way to deal with your wife sexually. Every Christian husband should have his wife's desires and his wife's pleasures in mind when he thinks about sexual relations and when he does sexual relations.

And of course she should do the same. In other words, he doesn't just barge in there and do whatever he feels like doing with no reverence to what does this woman delight in, what does she enjoy, what would please her. There's this happy competition. Who can make the other most happy?

Who can outdo the other in showing honor? Like 1 Corinthians 7, 3. Husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her, but also to her husband. And the same way the husband's body does not belong to him alone, but to his wife.

So they're both competing to be the servant of the other's maximum pleasure. And that's really remarkable. What an amazing competition in marriage. The man does not use his headship. This is not a compromise of headship. This is telling a man, you don't use your headship here to be demanding.

Use your headship to create. You're an initiative taker to create situations of the greatest possible mutual joy. That's what headship is here. So back to the question. Can you lust after your own wife? If you're governed by this approach to love and honor and holiness in a sexual relationship, I don't think it's wrong for a husband to want his wife sexually and to think about having her and hold her in his mind the way he would hold her in bed.

So if that's what he's thinking about, can you entertain in your mind thoughts about sexual delights with your wife? I think the answer is absolutely yes. There's no sin in your mind that wouldn't be sin in your bed. What would be sin is if a husband imagined sin or desired sin or took on attitudes to his wife in his heart, that would be wrong in the bedroom.

So I think it's right for a husband to enjoy his wife anyway in the mind. That would be right to enjoy her in the bed. And it just closes with this stunning thing. It's just kind of out of the blue, but just so amazing. I can't leave it unsaid.

The stunning thing in all of this is that this is a picture of Christ and the church. Like, are you kidding me? That Paul would say that this cherishing, this nurturing, this delighting, this pleasuring, is a portrait, a drama of Christ's relationship to his bride. We should be amazed that our Savior chose to describe his relationship with his church with a parable of such exquisite pleasure.

And people say theology is boring. Thank you, Pastor John, and thank you for listening to this podcast. Please email your questions to us at AskPastorJohn@DesiringGod.org and visit us online at DesiringGod.org to find thousands of books, articles, sermons, and other resources from John Piper, all free of charge. Monday, we'll talk about why dads need to be playing with their kids, and, Pastor John, you'll explain the profound gospel implications for a dad who gets on the floor and plays blocks.

Until then, I'm your host, Tony Reinke. Have a great weekend. Desiring God.org