Helping Children Discover Heart Idols
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)
00:00:02.580 | - This week we welcome to the podcast
00:00:06.700 | parenting expert Ted Tripp.
00:00:08.100 | He's the author of two best-selling books,
00:00:09.820 | Shepherding a Child's Heart and Instructing a Child's Heart.
00:00:12.820 | Dr. Tripp, how important is it to help children
00:00:15.180 | to understand their own hearts
00:00:16.520 | and how personal idols work in their hearts?
00:00:18.940 | And what are some practical tips
00:00:20.540 | for doing this well as a parent?
00:00:23.060 | - Well, I think that,
00:00:25.540 | well, one of the things I recommend for parents
00:00:28.080 | when I do seminars is to develop a heart notebook
00:00:31.140 | with your kids and do this in non-confrontational times.
00:00:34.140 | So it's not when you're confronting them
00:00:35.580 | about things they're doing wrong
00:00:36.700 | or you're correcting them or instructing them
00:00:38.820 | or disciplining them,
00:00:39.660 | but in non-confrontational times.
00:00:42.400 | Family worship, for example,
00:00:43.740 | maybe in five or 10 minutes a day,
00:00:45.660 | you know, don't overburden them with it.
00:00:48.300 | One or two nights a week, work on your heart notebook.
00:00:50.580 | Look up every passage in the Bible
00:00:52.900 | you can find on various topics.
00:00:54.780 | Like for example, there are things like revenge
00:00:57.780 | or vengeance rather than entrusting myself to God
00:01:00.600 | or pride rather than humility
00:01:02.520 | or fear of man rather than the fear of the Lord
00:01:05.880 | or love of self rather than love of others
00:01:08.100 | or anger rather than peacemaking and so forth.
00:01:10.500 | So there are all kinds of attitudes of heart.
00:01:12.500 | I mean, the Bible is rich with heart stuff.
00:01:15.500 | I mean, if you think about it,
00:01:16.900 | Hebrews 4, 12 says,
00:01:18.940 | "The word of God is living and active,
00:01:21.740 | sharper than a double-edged sword,
00:01:23.140 | pierces to the dividing of soul and spirit,
00:01:25.220 | joints and marrow.
00:01:26.680 | And it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."
00:01:29.820 | That's a very interesting statement
00:01:31.580 | because one of the primary uses of the Bible
00:01:34.620 | is to help us to understand our hearts
00:01:37.460 | because the heart is desperately wicked.
00:01:39.580 | That's what Jeremiah 17, nine says.
00:01:42.460 | So we need to be wise and understand our hearts.
00:01:44.860 | We need to help our children understand their hearts.
00:01:46.820 | So I'd suggest to parents, develop a heart notebook.
00:01:49.460 | Look up every passage you can find on these various topics.
00:01:52.880 | Write out all the verses on revenge and vengeance
00:01:55.540 | in your heart notebook.
00:01:57.080 | Whatever you do, don't do a computer printout
00:02:00.040 | of all the verses and hand it to them.
00:02:02.220 | You don't want them to write it out
00:02:04.260 | because in the writing process, you're learning.
00:02:06.880 | And then look up biblical illustrations.
00:02:09.780 | For example, revenge.
00:02:10.860 | I mean, you have characters like Joab,
00:02:12.620 | who's always going around disemboweling people
00:02:15.460 | out of revenge.
00:02:16.600 | I mean, it's a vivid illustration of revenge.
00:02:20.060 | Get them to give you illustrations.
00:02:21.540 | What does revenge look like in an eight-year-old?
00:02:23.380 | They'll be able to tell you.
00:02:24.340 | Write it out in the heart notebook.
00:02:26.140 | My point is that over a period of years,
00:02:28.740 | not days or weeks, but years,
00:02:31.480 | just pecking away at that heart notebook over time,
00:02:33.980 | when kids are school age, say six to 12,
00:02:37.180 | you're working on this heart notebook.
00:02:38.980 | You keep adding to it.
00:02:40.920 | You're helping your child develop a sense
00:02:44.120 | of self-consciousness about internal motivation
00:02:47.120 | that then the parent can appeal to
00:02:49.760 | in the times of correction and discipline.
00:02:53.000 | You know, Margie had a 14-year-old girl
00:02:55.260 | came to her at the beginning of the school year.
00:02:56.800 | She said, "Mrs. Tripp, I'm having trouble
00:02:59.340 | "getting along with the other girls at school."
00:03:01.480 | Now, that's not very surprising.
00:03:03.000 | Pretty common, 14-year-old girls.
00:03:04.940 | They're catty.
00:03:06.080 | That's pretty common.
00:03:07.420 | What followed was uncommon.
00:03:08.980 | The girl said, "I know the problem is
00:03:11.220 | "I'm very self-righteous and proud and judgmental.
00:03:13.980 | "I think I'm off-putting to the other girls."
00:03:16.420 | Now, where does that kind of insight come from
00:03:18.500 | in a 14-year-old?
00:03:19.800 | You see, she's in a home
00:03:21.700 | where her parents talk about the heart.
00:03:23.300 | She's in a church where the pastors
00:03:25.760 | are not just urging right behaviors,
00:03:27.900 | but they're helping people understand
00:03:30.040 | the subtleties of our sin
00:03:31.700 | and the ways that our hearts stray from God.
00:03:34.600 | You know, it's fascinating to me,
00:03:35.980 | you know, the last verse in verse John is,
00:03:39.720 | "Dear children, keep yourselves from idols."
00:03:42.480 | Now, what's amazing is in 107 verses,
00:03:45.520 | he's never mentioned idolatry.
00:03:47.560 | Idolatry's all through the book.
00:03:50.620 | I mean, you know, love not the world,
00:03:52.120 | do the things that are in the world.
00:03:53.420 | 'Cause if anyone loves the world,
00:03:54.520 | the love of the Father is not in him.
00:03:55.960 | That's idolatry.
00:03:57.020 | I mean, that's the language of idolatry.
00:04:00.160 | The contrast is being drawn there in John,
00:04:03.160 | first John two, between loving the world
00:04:05.400 | and loving the Father.
00:04:07.200 | And loving the things that are in the world,
00:04:08.900 | you know, the pride of life, the lust of the eyes,
00:04:11.000 | you know, all those things are idol issues.
00:04:14.080 | And that's why at the end of the book,
00:04:15.980 | he says, "Keep yourselves from idols."
00:04:18.020 | So I think that helping kids grow up
00:04:20.880 | with insight into that.
00:04:22.220 | So you're not beating them up with it
00:04:24.120 | every time they do something wrong.
00:04:25.360 | Oh, you're a problem, you're full of pride.
00:04:27.300 | Not that at all.
00:04:28.620 | I'm having rich times of Bible study with my kids.
00:04:32.160 | We're working on this heart notebook.
00:04:33.560 | We're really developing this compendium.
00:04:36.500 | I mean, there are almost 700 passages in the Bible
00:04:39.300 | about the heart.
00:04:40.500 | You know, we've got a lot of resources to go to.
00:04:42.600 | We're developing these themes in the word of God.
00:04:45.040 | And then I'm helping kids to learn
00:04:47.300 | how to do self-assessment.
00:04:48.700 | What was pushing and pulling me in that situation?
00:04:50.940 | Was it pride?
00:04:52.280 | Was it self-love?
00:04:53.440 | Was it anger?
00:04:54.480 | Was I out to get revenge?
00:04:57.880 | You know, all those kinds of things.
00:04:59.780 | Boy, if you can help kids learn to think in those ways,
00:05:03.520 | especially in non-corrective times.
00:05:06.380 | Then in the times of correction,
00:05:08.100 | you have this truth that they've imbibed
00:05:10.900 | that they can dig into, you know,
00:05:13.860 | when you're talking to them and correcting them.
00:05:16.300 | - Thank you, Dr. Tripp.
00:05:18.700 | That was Christian parenting expert, Ted Tripp,
00:05:21.000 | author of two best-selling books,
00:05:22.240 | "Shepherding a Child's Heart"
00:05:23.340 | and "Instructing a Child's Heart."
00:05:25.300 | Well, tomorrow we dive into controversial waters
00:05:28.180 | and discuss spanking,
00:05:30.080 | and talk about the place of physical discipline
00:05:32.120 | in parenting, a hot topic in the news
00:05:34.320 | here in Minneapolis for sure.
00:05:36.380 | I'm your host Tony Rankin.
00:05:37.280 | We'll see you tomorrow.
00:05:38.380 | (upbeat music)
00:05:43.380 | [BLANK_AUDIO]