(upbeat music) - This week we welcome to the podcast parenting expert Ted Tripp. He's the author of two best-selling books, Shepherding a Child's Heart and Instructing a Child's Heart. Dr. Tripp, how important is it to help children to understand their own hearts and how personal idols work in their hearts?

And what are some practical tips for doing this well as a parent? - Well, I think that, well, one of the things I recommend for parents when I do seminars is to develop a heart notebook with your kids and do this in non-confrontational times. So it's not when you're confronting them about things they're doing wrong or you're correcting them or instructing them or disciplining them, but in non-confrontational times.

Family worship, for example, maybe in five or 10 minutes a day, you know, don't overburden them with it. One or two nights a week, work on your heart notebook. Look up every passage in the Bible you can find on various topics. Like for example, there are things like revenge or vengeance rather than entrusting myself to God or pride rather than humility or fear of man rather than the fear of the Lord or love of self rather than love of others or anger rather than peacemaking and so forth.

So there are all kinds of attitudes of heart. I mean, the Bible is rich with heart stuff. I mean, if you think about it, Hebrews 4, 12 says, "The word of God is living and active, sharper than a double-edged sword, pierces to the dividing of soul and spirit, joints and marrow.

And it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." That's a very interesting statement because one of the primary uses of the Bible is to help us to understand our hearts because the heart is desperately wicked. That's what Jeremiah 17, nine says. So we need to be wise and understand our hearts.

We need to help our children understand their hearts. So I'd suggest to parents, develop a heart notebook. Look up every passage you can find on these various topics. Write out all the verses on revenge and vengeance in your heart notebook. Whatever you do, don't do a computer printout of all the verses and hand it to them.

You don't want them to write it out because in the writing process, you're learning. And then look up biblical illustrations. For example, revenge. I mean, you have characters like Joab, who's always going around disemboweling people out of revenge. I mean, it's a vivid illustration of revenge. Get them to give you illustrations.

What does revenge look like in an eight-year-old? They'll be able to tell you. Write it out in the heart notebook. My point is that over a period of years, not days or weeks, but years, just pecking away at that heart notebook over time, when kids are school age, say six to 12, you're working on this heart notebook.

You keep adding to it. You're helping your child develop a sense of self-consciousness about internal motivation that then the parent can appeal to in the times of correction and discipline. You know, Margie had a 14-year-old girl came to her at the beginning of the school year. She said, "Mrs.

Tripp, I'm having trouble "getting along with the other girls at school." Now, that's not very surprising. Pretty common, 14-year-old girls. They're catty. That's pretty common. What followed was uncommon. The girl said, "I know the problem is "I'm very self-righteous and proud and judgmental. "I think I'm off-putting to the other girls." Now, where does that kind of insight come from in a 14-year-old?

You see, she's in a home where her parents talk about the heart. She's in a church where the pastors are not just urging right behaviors, but they're helping people understand the subtleties of our sin and the ways that our hearts stray from God. You know, it's fascinating to me, you know, the last verse in verse John is, "Dear children, keep yourselves from idols." Now, what's amazing is in 107 verses, he's never mentioned idolatry.

Idolatry's all through the book. I mean, you know, love not the world, do the things that are in the world. 'Cause if anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. That's idolatry. I mean, that's the language of idolatry. The contrast is being drawn there in John, first John two, between loving the world and loving the Father.

And loving the things that are in the world, you know, the pride of life, the lust of the eyes, you know, all those things are idol issues. And that's why at the end of the book, he says, "Keep yourselves from idols." So I think that helping kids grow up with insight into that.

So you're not beating them up with it every time they do something wrong. Oh, you're a problem, you're full of pride. Not that at all. I'm having rich times of Bible study with my kids. We're working on this heart notebook. We're really developing this compendium. I mean, there are almost 700 passages in the Bible about the heart.

You know, we've got a lot of resources to go to. We're developing these themes in the word of God. And then I'm helping kids to learn how to do self-assessment. What was pushing and pulling me in that situation? Was it pride? Was it self-love? Was it anger? Was I out to get revenge?

You know, all those kinds of things. Boy, if you can help kids learn to think in those ways, especially in non-corrective times. Then in the times of correction, you have this truth that they've imbibed that they can dig into, you know, when you're talking to them and correcting them.

- Thank you, Dr. Tripp. That was Christian parenting expert, Ted Tripp, author of two best-selling books, "Shepherding a Child's Heart" and "Instructing a Child's Heart." Well, tomorrow we dive into controversial waters and discuss spanking, and talk about the place of physical discipline in parenting, a hot topic in the news here in Minneapolis for sure.

I'm your host Tony Rankin. We'll see you tomorrow. (upbeat music)