How Do We Prepare Our Children for Suffering?

00:00:00.000 | Here's a moving and important and wise question from a mom.

00:00:03.880 | "Pastor John, my name is Malia and I'm a new mother to a baby boy.

00:00:07.000 | I've been thinking about the concept of suffering in relation to my son.

00:00:10.440 | It will be so hard to watch him suffer, but I know that he will face it one day and probably

00:00:14.400 | already does in his own baby way.

00:00:17.160 | My question is simple.

00:00:18.840 | How do I prepare him for and raise him to handle suffering?

00:00:23.280 | What are some practical ways for young parents to teach children that suffering is part of

00:00:26.920 | life and that we can trust God in it?"

00:00:29.560 | I would sum up my answer in three steps.

00:00:33.840 | One, teach your son a glorious, all-encompassing, biblical worldview that puts suffering in

00:00:41.800 | its proper place.

00:00:42.800 | So teaching.

00:00:43.800 | Number two, discipline him with appropriate firmness and require of him self-denial.

00:00:51.720 | One is teach.

00:00:52.720 | Number two is discipline.

00:00:54.640 | And third, model for him trust and joy in the midst of your own suffering and sorrow.

00:01:02.480 | So let me take those one at a time and just give a little bit of fleshing out on some

00:01:07.520 | Bible.

00:01:08.520 | Number one, teach your son a glorious, all-encompassing, biblical worldview that has suffering in its

00:01:16.160 | proper place.

00:01:17.240 | When I think of what that worldview would include, let me just give six components.

00:01:22.200 | One, the world God created, created good, including our own hearts and bodies, was broken

00:01:30.680 | and made vulnerable and imperfect by the fall of humankind into sin.

00:01:35.440 | All of sin that fall glory, fall short of the glory of God.

00:01:41.040 | Things are not the way they should be.

00:01:42.600 | We teach our children that.

00:01:44.360 | The basic reason they're not is sin.

00:01:47.960 | Death came into the world through sin.

00:01:50.280 | Suffering came with it.

00:01:51.480 | The whole creation is groaning and waiting for what God is going to do later.

00:01:57.120 | So we teach the brokenness of the world.

00:02:00.200 | Number two, we teach our children that everyone suffers therefore.

00:02:07.260 | And since those who trust and follow Jesus are at odds with the sinful system of the

00:02:15.000 | world, Christians often suffer most.

00:02:18.640 | Acts 14.22, through many tribulations, we must enter the kingdom.

00:02:24.080 | Psalm 34.19, many are the afflictions of the righteous.

00:02:27.960 | John 15.20, if they persecuted Jesus, they're going to persecute you.

00:02:32.560 | John 16.33, in the world you will have trouble.

00:02:35.920 | Romans 8.23, we all are groaning, waiting for our bodies to be renewed.

00:02:41.600 | So we're all going to suffer, especially Christians.

00:02:46.280 | Three, God is sovereign and nothing can stop him from doing what he wants to do most.

00:02:51.600 | I am God and there is none like me saying my counsel will stand.

00:02:55.120 | I will accomplish all my purpose.

00:02:57.120 | Isaiah 46.10, he is stronger than the weather.

00:03:01.280 | He's stronger than storms and floods and lightning.

00:03:04.060 | He's stronger than animals, big ones that can attack you like lions and little teeny

00:03:08.200 | microscopic ones you can't even see that can make you sick and even kill you.

00:03:13.040 | He's stronger than all the enemies that we have.

00:03:16.320 | He's stronger than everything.

00:03:18.560 | Children need to hear this.

00:03:19.720 | They get it.

00:03:20.720 | They'll embrace it more quickly than we do and they can handle the mysteries.

00:03:24.640 | Yes, they can.

00:03:26.380 | Don't ever give the impression to your son that suffering exists because God is helpless.

00:03:32.160 | Number four, make the gospel crystal clear, the gospel crystal clear that God sent his

00:03:37.760 | son into the world to suffer with us and for us.

00:03:41.720 | This means that if we trust him, none of our suffering is punishment for sin.

00:03:47.720 | Christ bore all our punishment for sin as the basis of our acceptance with God and our

00:03:53.840 | hope for heaven and there will be no more suffering there.

00:03:58.320 | All the suffering therefore that comes into the life of a Christian is not because God

00:04:01.960 | is punishing him in his wrath.

00:04:04.640 | Don't let children understand this, but rather it is God's fatherly discipline for the sake

00:04:12.040 | of holiness as Hebrews 12 and first Peter 1 5 says.

00:04:18.240 | Number five, therefore in all of our suffering, God is good.

00:04:22.900 | God is wise.

00:04:24.120 | God is loving, even though painful and he has purposes for us.

00:04:29.040 | Romans 8 28, we never explain suffering by saying God is helpless or that Satan got the

00:04:35.800 | upper hand or that there are mere accidents in the world.

00:04:39.780 | We always handle suffering, our suffering by saying, even though we don't understand

00:04:47.360 | all the answers for why this particular suffering came or this particular suffering came at

00:04:52.200 | this particular time or this particular intensity, we don't understand those particulars.

00:04:57.240 | Nevertheless, we do understand what God has taught us, namely that he's sovereign, that

00:05:02.120 | he's good, and he always has purposes for our everlasting joy.

00:05:07.440 | And the last thing that's part of this overarching worldview is the day is coming when God will

00:05:14.840 | set everything right.

00:05:17.980 | If it looks like any evil person is getting away with something in this life, he will

00:05:22.800 | not get away with it because God will bring him into judgment in the end.

00:05:27.160 | Vengeance is mine.

00:05:28.160 | I will repay, says the Lord.

00:05:30.740 | And for every good deed that looks like it did not get repaid or got suffering instead

00:05:37.560 | of blessing, Luke 14 14, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the just.

00:05:46.480 | So week in and week out, we teach these things to our children.

00:05:51.400 | Speaking of them, when we rise up and when we drive in the car and when we sit at table

00:05:55.320 | and when we go to bed at night, saturate your child with this worldview.

00:06:02.840 | Number two, we discipline our children with appropriate firmness and we require self-denial.

00:06:10.760 | Fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction

00:06:16.560 | of the Lord.

00:06:17.560 | Not only instruction, but also discipline.

00:06:19.440 | Proverbs 13 24, whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent

00:06:26.320 | to discipline him.

00:06:28.400 | And one of the reasons I think that's true, that we hate our children if we don't discipline

00:06:35.000 | them that way, even though it'll get you arrested in some countries or worse, get your children

00:06:41.520 | taken away from you, is that coddling children with no physical repercussions to their defiant

00:06:49.240 | behavior is preparing them to be unable to recognize the discipline of God in their lives

00:06:56.760 | when it comes in physical forms.

00:06:58.880 | And it will come in physical forms.

00:07:02.200 | And we are doing them a great disservice if we haven't shown them how a loving parent

00:07:08.360 | can lovingly spank a disobedient child.

00:07:13.720 | And in general, children should be taught self-denial.

00:07:17.840 | That is, they should not get everything they want.

00:07:22.320 | Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit in Galatians 5, just like patience and sacrificial love.

00:07:27.760 | And no one can be a Christian without it, because our fallen nature must be denied,

00:07:33.920 | put to death, as Paul says.

00:07:36.180 | As long as we live, we must put to death sinful desires.

00:07:41.240 | We need to habituate our children to lifelong patterns of saying no to selfish desires.

00:07:51.000 | The inability to do this is the reason thousands of kids are destroyed in life.

00:07:58.560 | So don't do that to your child.

00:08:00.760 | Teach them self-denial.

00:08:02.700 | And the last thing I would say, and this may be, it's hard to rank these, but it may be

00:08:08.760 | the most important.

00:08:10.800 | We should model for our children trust and joy in the midst of our own suffering and

00:08:17.960 | sorrows.

00:08:18.960 | They are watching.

00:08:21.240 | Romans 5, 3, "We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance."

00:08:27.760 | And James 1, 2, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet various trials."

00:08:32.360 | Nothing will be more powerful in the life of your children than your example of trust

00:08:40.400 | and joy in the midst of your own disappointments and sufferings.

00:08:45.320 | In fact, I would say that the greatest challenge of parenting, at least I look back over, what,

00:08:52.960 | I parent 42 years or something like that so far.

00:08:58.280 | The greatest challenge of parenting is not primarily remembering all the things that

00:09:04.720 | should be taught, the catechism, but primarily a parent growing in grace and humility and

00:09:13.000 | trust and joy in all the ups and downs of life.

00:09:17.680 | Few things will have a greater power in our children's lives to help them suffer as Christians.

00:09:23.640 | That's a great word, Pastor John.

00:09:26.120 | Thank you.

00:09:27.120 | We should never, never give our children the impression that suffering exists because God

00:09:31.720 | is helpless.

00:09:32.720 | That's a powerful point.

00:09:34.440 | On a related note, we talked about the Boudinario case, which is a family in Norway whose children

00:09:38.480 | were taken away for spanking.

00:09:40.600 | We addressed that case in episode number 879, "Spanking is Illegal in My Country, Now What?"

00:09:46.760 | And also in episodes 442 and 443, I talked with guest Ted Tripp about why some parents

00:09:51.700 | discipline and why others don't.

00:09:53.940 | You might be helped by those episodes, episodes 442 and 443.

00:09:58.780 | All of those episodes and about a thousand more can be found in our podcast archive at

00:10:02.660 | DesiringGod.org/AskPastorJohn.

00:10:03.660 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.

00:10:07.820 | We'll see you on Wednesday.

00:10:08.620 | [END]

00:10:11.620 | DesiringGod.org

00:10:14.620 | [BLANK_AUDIO]

How Do We Prepare Our Children for Suffering?

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