One Beautiful Adoption Story
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)
00:00:02.580 | - Happy Memorial Day to everyone listening.
00:00:07.760 | The Ask Pastor John podcast continues to roll along
00:00:10.480 | and for the next few days,
00:00:11.720 | we're gonna talk about adoption.
00:00:13.500 | Pastor John, your 18 year old daughter, Talitha,
00:00:15.840 | recently graduated from high school,
00:00:17.480 | a momentous occasion you've written about
00:00:19.280 | and blogged about recently at the Desiring God blog.
00:00:22.680 | At this stage in her life and at this stage in your life,
00:00:25.560 | do you have any reflections about her story
00:00:27.600 | and about adoption in general?
00:00:29.900 | - Yeah, I wanna take this opportunity, Tony,
00:00:33.120 | to encourage again, those who are considering adoption
00:00:38.120 | and or even have already adopted
00:00:41.860 | and might be running into difficulties.
00:00:44.820 | Remember, I was 50 years old when we adopted Talitha.
00:00:49.880 | She was eight weeks old.
00:00:52.040 | She's born in Georgia.
00:00:53.360 | We were living in Minneapolis.
00:00:55.240 | She was our only daughter.
00:00:57.480 | We raised four sons, only adopted child,
00:01:02.480 | only African-American child, and it was a closed adoption.
00:01:07.500 | We don't have any idea who her mother or her father are.
00:01:12.140 | And we would be totally fine if Talitha wanted to know
00:01:15.600 | who they are, but I just mentioned those facts
00:01:18.900 | to show that the challenges we were facing,
00:01:21.900 | they felt very significant to me.
00:01:25.360 | And the reason I feel like I wanna encourage folks
00:01:29.280 | is not just 'cause we overcame some of those obstacles
00:01:32.140 | like being 50 years old, but because the more,
00:01:36.500 | the longer and the wider the culture of adoption
00:01:39.800 | becomes in our churches, the more stories multiply
00:01:43.400 | of great pain and great sorrow in these experiences.
00:01:48.160 | And I don't wanna whitewash any of that.
00:01:52.560 | People need to have their eyes open.
00:01:55.040 | Parents who are pondering adoption need to know
00:01:58.200 | the kinds of sorrows that they might encounter.
00:02:03.200 | But of course, they will say, and they're right,
00:02:05.960 | all parenting is unpredictable.
00:02:08.160 | A biologically born child to a mom or dad
00:02:12.280 | may have huge physical or psychological issues.
00:02:16.220 | They may die early.
00:02:18.460 | They may be disabled in an accident.
00:02:21.400 | You may wind up caring for your child as long as you live.
00:02:25.160 | And that's quite apart from adoption.
00:02:27.780 | They may break your heart, turning away from your faith.
00:02:31.480 | They may experience divorce or professional catastrophe
00:02:35.720 | and on and on and on.
00:02:37.160 | And parenting never stops.
00:02:39.320 | We thought, wow, we'll parent for 30 years
00:02:41.680 | and then we'll be done.
00:02:42.880 | And it's not true.
00:02:45.360 | So I just want to encourage those folks
00:02:49.700 | who are considering adoption that yes,
00:02:52.120 | you will encounter the possibilities
00:02:55.580 | of incredible and unbearable challenges.
00:02:59.900 | Children who've lived in orphanages
00:03:02.860 | or been passed around among relatives,
00:03:06.280 | they bring issues, they bring stuff to the family
00:03:12.520 | that you don't have any idea about.
00:03:14.560 | I've seen cases of compulsive stealing and lying
00:03:18.180 | and running away from home and expressed hatred
00:03:21.560 | for mom and dad and bizarre behaviors
00:03:24.700 | like banging your head against this concrete floor
00:03:27.600 | until it bleeds.
00:03:29.280 | I mean, you're sometimes just, what have we gotten into?
00:03:33.520 | And everybody needs to know that whether it's a natural,
00:03:36.800 | naturally born child or a naturally adopted child,
00:03:40.580 | that might be your lot.
00:03:43.500 | And when you embrace a child one way or the other,
00:03:46.800 | God expects you to fulfill your obligations.
00:03:49.760 | And yet, sometimes it can't happen.
00:03:52.840 | I've seen disruptions that break everybody's heart.
00:03:56.360 | And I don't think the parents were wrong
00:03:59.620 | to do that kind of disruption.
00:04:02.140 | But the main thing I want to say is there are happy stories.
00:04:07.140 | And I want to make sure people hear happy stories
00:04:10.760 | 'cause there's so many of the other kind, I think.
00:04:12.940 | And Talitha, our daughter, is a happy story.
00:04:17.060 | And I'm not so naive as to think, well, it's over.
00:04:20.800 | You know, she's home free at 18.
00:04:23.520 | That's not true.
00:04:24.480 | I know that's not true.
00:04:25.620 | But at this point, I am so thankful that we did what we did.
00:04:30.620 | She's just graduated from high school,
00:04:32.760 | which is why I'm thinking about this.
00:04:34.180 | And she's going to Boyce College in Louisville in the fall.
00:04:37.960 | And she trusted Christ when she was eight years old
00:04:41.860 | and I think has given significant evidence
00:04:45.040 | of the work of the Spirit in her life.
00:04:48.260 | We've got our tensions at home,
00:04:50.140 | and I think probably some of them are unique
00:04:52.480 | to an adoptive situation.
00:04:54.760 | But she has been so blessed,
00:04:57.560 | and her work ethic is just off the charts reliable.
00:05:01.480 | She's done all of her schoolwork
00:05:03.560 | without any arm twisting whatsoever.
00:05:05.480 | She wonders why college freshmen
00:05:07.600 | can't get their assignments in on time
00:05:09.600 | when she's in the same class with them online right now.
00:05:13.780 | And she's loved to learn to cook,
00:05:16.720 | and she keeps her room neat,
00:05:19.080 | and she's avoided major destructive relationships.
00:05:23.600 | And she's loved the church,
00:05:25.180 | and she's got wonderful deep friendships.
00:05:28.160 | And she and we are not perfect,
00:05:32.840 | and we're all growing to greater maturity,
00:05:35.200 | and that's necessary.
00:05:36.840 | But it's a good story.
00:05:39.280 | And people need to know
00:05:41.240 | that we don't look back with any regrets.
00:05:44.800 | I'm 68 years old and have a graduating daughter
00:05:49.800 | from high school,
00:05:51.640 | and I wondered when we adopted her,
00:05:53.120 | what would it be like for an African American daughter
00:05:55.920 | to have an old man for a dad?
00:05:59.320 | And God has been good.
00:06:01.600 | She's never said anyway,
00:06:04.440 | I don't like having a grandfather for a father.
00:06:08.480 | So it's been good.
00:06:10.120 | We are very thankful.
00:06:12.120 | We're so encouraged.
00:06:13.640 | And we just want to say
00:06:15.680 | that God is able to make all grace abound to you
00:06:20.600 | so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times,
00:06:24.160 | you will abound in every good work.
00:06:26.000 | He'll be enough for you, whatever you have to face.
00:06:28.880 | - What a precious testimony.
00:06:31.680 | Thank you for sharing that with us, Pastor John.
00:06:34.160 | And tomorrow we'll talk to couples
00:06:35.720 | who are considering adoption,
00:06:37.200 | and then Lord willing on Wednesday,
00:06:38.520 | we'll wrap up this little three-part series on adoption
00:06:41.360 | to talk about one big issue of raising an adopted child.
00:06:44.400 | And that is explaining adoption to your child.
00:06:47.120 | When and how do you do that?
00:06:48.800 | Well, perhaps you're like many couples
00:06:50.480 | and you're listening to this and thinking to yourself,
00:06:52.360 | with so many orphans in the world,
00:06:54.000 | why would any Christian couple
00:06:55.200 | even consider having biological children of their own?
00:06:58.740 | If that's a question you've thought about,
00:07:00.200 | and it's a very important one,
00:07:02.200 | be sure to check out Ask Pastor John,
00:07:03.520 | episode number 202 in the archive.
00:07:06.040 | We've talked about that in the past
00:07:07.560 | and we'll be back tomorrow,
00:07:08.960 | and Pastor John will offer some counsel
00:07:10.480 | to couples pondering adoption.
00:07:12.560 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.
00:07:13.440 | Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast.
00:07:16.040 | (upbeat music)
00:07:18.620 | (upbeat music)
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