(upbeat music) - Happy Memorial Day to everyone listening. The Ask Pastor John podcast continues to roll along and for the next few days, we're gonna talk about adoption. Pastor John, your 18 year old daughter, Talitha, recently graduated from high school, a momentous occasion you've written about and blogged about recently at the Desiring God blog.

At this stage in her life and at this stage in your life, do you have any reflections about her story and about adoption in general? - Yeah, I wanna take this opportunity, Tony, to encourage again, those who are considering adoption and or even have already adopted and might be running into difficulties.

Remember, I was 50 years old when we adopted Talitha. She was eight weeks old. She's born in Georgia. We were living in Minneapolis. She was our only daughter. We raised four sons, only adopted child, only African-American child, and it was a closed adoption. We don't have any idea who her mother or her father are.

And we would be totally fine if Talitha wanted to know who they are, but I just mentioned those facts to show that the challenges we were facing, they felt very significant to me. And the reason I feel like I wanna encourage folks is not just 'cause we overcame some of those obstacles like being 50 years old, but because the more, the longer and the wider the culture of adoption becomes in our churches, the more stories multiply of great pain and great sorrow in these experiences.

And I don't wanna whitewash any of that. People need to have their eyes open. Parents who are pondering adoption need to know the kinds of sorrows that they might encounter. But of course, they will say, and they're right, all parenting is unpredictable. A biologically born child to a mom or dad may have huge physical or psychological issues.

They may die early. They may be disabled in an accident. You may wind up caring for your child as long as you live. And that's quite apart from adoption. They may break your heart, turning away from your faith. They may experience divorce or professional catastrophe and on and on and on.

And parenting never stops. We thought, wow, we'll parent for 30 years and then we'll be done. And it's not true. So I just want to encourage those folks who are considering adoption that yes, you will encounter the possibilities of incredible and unbearable challenges. Children who've lived in orphanages or been passed around among relatives, they bring issues, they bring stuff to the family that you don't have any idea about.

I've seen cases of compulsive stealing and lying and running away from home and expressed hatred for mom and dad and bizarre behaviors like banging your head against this concrete floor until it bleeds. I mean, you're sometimes just, what have we gotten into? And everybody needs to know that whether it's a natural, naturally born child or a naturally adopted child, that might be your lot.

And when you embrace a child one way or the other, God expects you to fulfill your obligations. And yet, sometimes it can't happen. I've seen disruptions that break everybody's heart. And I don't think the parents were wrong to do that kind of disruption. But the main thing I want to say is there are happy stories.

And I want to make sure people hear happy stories 'cause there's so many of the other kind, I think. And Talitha, our daughter, is a happy story. And I'm not so naive as to think, well, it's over. You know, she's home free at 18. That's not true. I know that's not true.

But at this point, I am so thankful that we did what we did. She's just graduated from high school, which is why I'm thinking about this. And she's going to Boyce College in Louisville in the fall. And she trusted Christ when she was eight years old and I think has given significant evidence of the work of the Spirit in her life.

We've got our tensions at home, and I think probably some of them are unique to an adoptive situation. But she has been so blessed, and her work ethic is just off the charts reliable. She's done all of her schoolwork without any arm twisting whatsoever. She wonders why college freshmen can't get their assignments in on time when she's in the same class with them online right now.

And she's loved to learn to cook, and she keeps her room neat, and she's avoided major destructive relationships. And she's loved the church, and she's got wonderful deep friendships. And she and we are not perfect, and we're all growing to greater maturity, and that's necessary. But it's a good story.

And people need to know that we don't look back with any regrets. I'm 68 years old and have a graduating daughter from high school, and I wondered when we adopted her, what would it be like for an African American daughter to have an old man for a dad? And God has been good.

She's never said anyway, I don't like having a grandfather for a father. So it's been good. We are very thankful. We're so encouraged. And we just want to say that God is able to make all grace abound to you so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you will abound in every good work.

He'll be enough for you, whatever you have to face. - What a precious testimony. Thank you for sharing that with us, Pastor John. And tomorrow we'll talk to couples who are considering adoption, and then Lord willing on Wednesday, we'll wrap up this little three-part series on adoption to talk about one big issue of raising an adopted child.

And that is explaining adoption to your child. When and how do you do that? Well, perhaps you're like many couples and you're listening to this and thinking to yourself, with so many orphans in the world, why would any Christian couple even consider having biological children of their own? If that's a question you've thought about, and it's a very important one, be sure to check out Ask Pastor John, episode number 202 in the archive.

We've talked about that in the past and we'll be back tomorrow, and Pastor John will offer some counsel to couples pondering adoption. I'm your host, Tony Reinke. Thanks for listening to the Ask Pastor John podcast. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)