Everyday Educator - From Busy to Blessed: Learning to Unbusy Your Homeschool
00:00:00.000 | Hi, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Everyday Educator podcast. Today, I
00:00:09.680 | am so excited to bring you two lovely ladies who are just veteran homeschoolers, women
00:00:16.340 | who have invested their lives into serving their families, serving their communities.
00:00:20.460 | And we thought it would be fun to have a conversation about what it looks like to steward not only
00:00:27.740 | the season of life that some of these younger moms who are listening are in, but the season
00:00:32.540 | of life that you're going into. Whether you're a seasoned mother or you are still very much
00:00:38.160 | in the thick of it, I am confident that you are going to be able to glean from this conversation.
00:00:42.200 | So without any further ado, Shelly, Amy, welcome to the show.
00:00:45.880 | Thank you.
00:00:46.880 | Thank you.
00:00:47.360 | Well, I know that most of our listeners are familiar with both of you, but I want to give
00:00:53.100 | you a chance to introduce yourselves in case someone here is new to your voices. So Shelly,
00:00:57.720 | will you tell us about yourself and your life right now?
00:01:00.140 | Sure. I am just had my 60th birthday this month, and that was exciting and shocking at
00:01:10.460 | the same time. All my children tried to come home and bring my grandchildren home. So that
00:01:16.060 | was fun. So I graduated five daughters through CC and they have like a nine year age span. So
00:01:25.060 | I homeschooled for 25 years and then I collapsed for a few years. And now I'm still working in the
00:01:34.340 | homeschooling area of obviously with CC and helping international families homeschool. So that's where
00:01:43.060 | I'm at.
00:01:43.480 | I love that. Happy belated birthday.
00:01:45.900 | Happy birthday. Yeah, I think that's a good reminder. 23 years homeschooling. Three of my four
00:01:56.660 | children went through CC and my youngest, my oldest was there was CC was not there for him. But yeah,
00:02:05.760 | we homeschooled our children from the beginning and, and I've enjoyed similar to Shelly after that first
00:02:15.040 | year of home, finishing the last one, sending him out the door, so to speak. I took a couple of years to
00:02:24.560 | just reorient myself. I think that's what felt was a good thing to do. And before I plunged into the
00:02:33.840 | next thing. And then, um, but we, I now have nine soon, 10 grandchildren on one on the way. So I
00:02:43.120 | get to replenish, uh, all of those scrub, you know, dust off the foundations guide and, and start thinking
00:02:52.320 | again about how to pray and encourage my, my, uh, my daughters and daughters in law. So, so it's, it's
00:03:01.040 | lovely. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm really glad I get to be here. And now, uh, like Shelly, I get to, uh,
00:03:06.880 | be part of a homeschool family with classical conversations and, and working on this side of
00:03:12.160 | the screen a little bit. So it's been great. Yeah.
00:03:15.600 | Well, we're so happy to have you in our clan. Well, today our conversation is going to be kind
00:03:22.000 | of based off of a passage of scripture. We don't do this often, but I'm excited because I think
00:03:26.400 | there's just so much in it and we love to dissect a passage as classicalists. So this is going to be a
00:03:32.080 | fun time. Um, we're going to read Titus two, three through five, and then we'll talk about, you know,
00:03:39.040 | what does it look like to be a Titus two woman? So I'll read this passage right now. I'm reading the
00:03:44.160 | new King James, in case you're curious, it says the older women, likewise, that they be reverent in
00:03:50.800 | behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teaching teachers of good things, and that they
00:03:57.440 | admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste
00:04:03.360 | homemakers, good, obedient to their husbands, and that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
00:04:11.360 | So we'll take this a little bit from the top. Um, and I think I'll start with you, Shelly.
00:04:17.440 | Do you, did you have a good mentor when you were bringing up your children? What did that look like
00:04:24.640 | for you? Yes, I really did. I had just some like-minded mamas, um, many in CC whose children
00:04:32.960 | were a little bit older and I would just watch them and see how they, um, organize their life. And,
00:04:39.360 | and one mother, especially who lives, um, not far from me, she has nine children.
00:04:44.720 | And I would just go and ask her if I could just look at her library titles.
00:04:48.960 | So I would go and just look at what she's using and ask her questions. And she was a very organized
00:04:55.360 | person. And so I was striving for that, but she was also very loving and restful. So I think by watching
00:05:02.960 | people that God brings to your attention, um, that's how I was mentored.
00:05:08.960 | That's wonderful. I love that you just mentioned they were people who were already in your life.
00:05:15.360 | You know, you were just observing. It wasn't that you had to necessarily go seek them out. It was that
00:05:21.280 | you observed who, who did God put in your circle in your circle. And then you pursued them. Um,
00:05:27.920 | what about you, Amy? Did you have a good mentor?
00:05:30.240 | Yeah. The Lord was very gracious to put like Shelly, other women in my life, some were older and some were
00:05:38.960 | my age at my stage. And I felt like I needed both of those kinds of women. I needed people who had
00:05:46.640 | gone before and I could look like, this is what it looks like down the road. It gives me hope.
00:05:52.640 | Um, and then I had, um, several women in fact, we still meet. We would just gather for prayer at,
00:06:00.160 | um, like super early in the morning or at the walking trail and just pray. And we've been doing
00:06:05.440 | that for, I don't, well, about 27 years. I mean, just praying for each other. And we,
00:06:11.280 | we were fortunate enough to live in the same town for a long time. So just having people that were
00:06:17.040 | your comrades, uh, that was helpful, but also I found I wasn't raised in a Christian home. So
00:06:22.960 | I felt like, um, some of my mentors were like, you know, Edith Schaefer or, um, Elizabeth, I'm sure
00:06:30.960 | Shelly, you know, you just like, that's probably what she was looking at. Like,
00:06:34.400 | what are you reading? Elizabeth Elliot or, you know, um, different people, um, that
00:06:40.240 | Tozer or people that I felt like, um, or I think of the trip brothers, you know, books really helped
00:06:48.640 | mentor me, um, to help me understand, kind of think through is kind of chew on some ideas. You know,
00:06:57.680 | you'd read that, that quote or that idea and you'd think, oh, I've got to chew on that for a bit. So,
00:07:04.480 | um, I really, that was really helpful is have like my, a mentor in my pocket, so to speak. But
00:07:11.680 | there's so many great Christian writers that, um, are, are such big encouragements. That was before
00:07:18.960 | podcasts were popular. So books are my, my friend.
00:07:23.440 | I'm glad she said that to Elise, because you know, all those parent books that we mentioned in the
00:07:27.760 | catalog are just crucial. They're just lovely. And so picking up one of those a summer or just
00:07:34.720 | saying, I'm going to read a chapter a week of something is very, it's very mentoring. Good point,
00:07:40.480 | Amy. Yes, absolutely. I was just about to say, I know that this is a, this is a slight aside,
00:07:47.680 | but I think it's, it's right in the wheelhouse for what we're trying to say. What were some of your
00:07:51.720 | favorite books or books that really did help you to think? Because, um, you're right in the catalog,
00:07:57.760 | we have a great list of some books that you all should go and read. And we'll leave a link for those
00:08:02.960 | below, but do two or three titles just come to mind for you ladies? Because it's true that
00:08:08.000 | sometimes you need to have a conversation and I would always encourage people, you know,
00:08:12.800 | don't silo yourself away from people, but also sometimes we need to slow down. And there,
00:08:18.400 | there are authors who have taken the time to write out some ideas that can really change the trajectory
00:08:24.680 | of your life. If you take the time to read those ideas. Um, so what were some books Shelly that really
00:08:31.580 | impacted you in your homeschooling and child rearing days? Wow. That's a really good question.
00:08:37.920 | And I think that the, the precursor to that is we understand that you're busy mamas,
00:08:44.240 | and that it's the last thing you think you have time for is to do this, right? So aside from scripture,
00:08:51.440 | right, make that a daily habit. Um, I would say that three books stand out. In fact, I can tell you,
00:08:58.000 | I can remember in my mind where I was when I read these books, that's how I'm powerful,
00:09:01.600 | powerful. They were empowering. Um, when people are big and God is small,
00:09:06.880 | I read that on the beach, South Carolina, and it helped me balance my people pleasing
00:09:14.080 | skills to be more God focused. And it gave me a lot more rest and less stress because God's yoke is easy
00:09:21.880 | and his burden is light. Um, not so much mine or social media is right. So another one was total truth.
00:09:28.440 | I joke that I thought I was a Christian before I wrote, read total truth by Nancy Peercy.
00:09:33.400 | And my goodness, if you want to talk about, um, convicting and humbling and helping you see
00:09:39.960 | governing principles in your Christian life that apply to everything, total truth. And then the
00:09:46.040 | practicing affirmation is still a book I pick up. And I guess one, one more is Humility
00:09:51.640 | by Murray. That is one of my, uh, yearly reads. I have a few books that I read yearly and that one
00:09:59.880 | continues to speak into my life. It's wonderful, man. Those are good. I love that book. Humility.
00:10:07.480 | The first time I read that I was in middle school, I think. What a poignant time for you.
00:10:13.720 | We should assign it to our middle school.
00:10:15.880 | I was like, I knew you knew this. And he was right. I didn't need that. And let's go read that.
00:10:21.800 | I really want to go grab it and reread it. What about you, Amy? What were some books that really
00:10:26.840 | just impacted you? Well, uh, C.S. Lewis is, um, I like Shelley. I have, um, memories. That's how I met
00:10:34.760 | my husband and how we knew we were, um, soulmates because we, our first conversation started with mere
00:10:41.240 | Christianity. And I just really resonate with that book. And even the Chronicles of Narnia. I mean,
00:10:47.560 | those are all things that your challenge a and your challenge, I guess, three, I can't remember or two,
00:10:54.040 | maybe that you're reading. So, Hey, pick up the same book. They're so impactful. Uh, Lewis is just has
00:10:59.960 | such a grace filled understanding of the Christian walk and, and challenging ideas, creative. And so he was
00:11:06.920 | great. Um, I really, I felt like Edith Schaefer really helped me, um, her two books, the hidden
00:11:14.120 | art of homemaking. And then what is a family, even though it's a bit of a metaphorical, both, um,
00:11:20.760 | what is a family is a pretty metaphor, metaphorical read. I found it very, um, freeing because her
00:11:28.120 | understanding of what a family is, is so relational instead of dutiful or a task oriented. And, and
00:11:36.120 | since she and Francis were, were poor, you know, limited in their resources, she would just do these
00:11:43.240 | really sweet, delightful, um, things for, you know, light a candle or like, you know, boil an egg and,
00:11:50.360 | and put it in an ice dish. And it just seemed like her simple, beautiful ways that she loved her family
00:11:55.720 | was love. It was so lovely for me. And she does this whole section on how do you take care of someone
00:12:01.400 | sick in your home and seeing it as such a beautiful act of service, like, you know, um, make sure they
00:12:08.840 | have a cool drink and change their, um, their pillowcase and make sure they have clean pajamas.
00:12:15.960 | And I thought, oh, that's it. She just gave you permission to really, um, embrace your family
00:12:22.760 | in a way that is, that just seems so, um, kind. So driven by kindness, not by efficiency. Maybe I
00:12:32.760 | should say it, maybe I'm, I'm, uh, showing my cards here, like, oh, well, that's not the most efficient,
00:12:37.480 | but just lingering with people. Uh, she did a really good job of that. So that, that, um,
00:12:43.640 | was a vision that she planted in my own mind that helped me kind of navigate those busy days to
00:12:49.960 | think, okay, putting a flower in a vase is not hard. And it adds such beauty to your home that
00:12:55.880 | ministers to your family. She was that older woman. So yeah, those two, three books. Yeah,
00:13:01.160 | there are lots of them. Uh, the 10 ways to destroy your child's imagination is, uh, phenomenal. I mean,
00:13:07.480 | just any of those books, even the books that your, your challenge, uh, students are reading are very
00:13:13.560 | well selected for us to grow in our relationship with the Lord and our understanding of who he is.
00:13:19.720 | So yeah, yeah, it's great. Amazing. I, I am very intrigued by what you just described in that,
00:13:27.800 | in those last two books, honestly, those last two book titles, I said, hang on, let me write those down.
00:13:32.600 | Um, and you're making me realize, or just emphasizing to me that there's just nothing
00:13:38.760 | new under the sun. Um, because you know, a lot of what you just described in the book by Edith Schaefer
00:13:45.880 | is all about right now we call it romanticizing your life. That's the way that they're, they're
00:13:53.400 | talking about it. It's the same thing. And if you're a believer, it's not just about romanticizing
00:13:59.400 | life. It's about sitting in wonder of God and allowing him to use your hands and your skills
00:14:07.080 | and your resources to glorify him and to dignify his people, you know? And so it's really a beautiful
00:14:15.480 | thing. And I'm intrigued. Thank you ladies for those, those books. And we'll try to list them
00:14:19.880 | below so you guys can find them. But what I see as a common thread and all those authors that you
00:14:25.960 | described is that they are teachers of good things. They were books to mentor people's thoughts and to
00:14:32.280 | give, give people more perspectives on their thoughts. But for the women listening who are thinking,
00:14:40.600 | okay, what do I look for in a mentor? Or what does it mean to be a good mentor if you're trying to be a
00:14:44.840 | a mentor? How would you describe those things? What is a good mentor?
00:14:49.480 | Wow. That's a lot of things, isn't it? That's, that's a good question. Well, I guess a good mentor
00:14:58.920 | is real. Um, but also, and also attains to improve, to be better. Sometimes I, I think that
00:15:11.320 | that assessment that assessment we do in challenge what went well, what needs improved is great
00:15:17.240 | assessment for us as we look for a mentor, right? Uh, what's one thing that went well this week that I
00:15:24.040 | could share with my mentor? What is one thing that I want to improve? So that helps us ask better
00:15:29.240 | questions. So a mentor is somebody who is, is, is perhaps done the thing that you're looking to do
00:15:35.880 | well and is a role model for you. Um, you know, a mentor, I looked it up is the, it's, it's an experienced
00:15:46.840 | trust and trusted advisor. So somebody you can connect with on a level, but also somebody who's
00:15:54.760 | real and, um, has lots of grace, right? Uh, extends grace and someone who is, is a good listener.
00:16:05.480 | Yes, I would agree. Someone that's really real, uh, down to earth that, um, I, I think you want,
00:16:12.440 | I, I think what's attracted to me to the mentors of that I watched were their, their character. Um,
00:16:20.760 | I just remember there were two women that in particular, they just, um, I keep thinking of
00:16:27.960 | that first Peter passage where it's the gentle, the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. And it
00:16:34.040 | wasn't like they were just quiet, gentle people. They were very outgoing or, but there was a sense
00:16:40.760 | of their own, um, of who they, they knew who they were. They were grounded in the Lord. So they, out of
00:16:47.640 | that, they, um, they, they spoke and acted. They were circumspect. They weren't, um, impulsive. They
00:16:55.720 | weren't perfect housekeepers. I mean, sometimes their mentors, like if you're, if you're struggling
00:17:01.400 | in an area, um, and let's say I'm, I'm, I'm struggling with laundry or, or cooking or whatever,
00:17:08.280 | then find a person that you, they are particularly gifted in that area. That is one aspect of a mentor
00:17:15.080 | that you can go to them and go, how do you do it? But that's not the only kind of mentor to me. The ones
00:17:21.560 | that lasted were the ones were women that had, um, in an honest way, following the Lord. And they
00:17:29.400 | allowed me to see those, those struggles that they were having. And they invited me into those
00:17:35.880 | conversations and it wasn't a one way street. It was very much an interaction. Like, will you pray for
00:17:41.800 | me about this or, and will I, I can pray for you, but you, I think I was surprised that there were
00:17:48.120 | many of the same issues that we were struggling through or trying to incorporate God's word into
00:17:54.040 | where it wasn't as obvious. And we were both on that same path. And, um, and it's the only thing about
00:18:01.400 | those mentors, they had gone down some paths that they're like, Whoa, don't go down this path.
00:18:05.800 | Yeah. And, uh, but that was really helpful to me. So yeah, I think like Shelley was saying,
00:18:12.680 | someone who's really real, that their feet are planted firmly in their relationship with the Lord,
00:18:18.360 | that you can, um, that you feel, and that you feel comfortable with, I think that's, uh, that you feel
00:18:23.960 | like you can build trust in that relationship. So those, those may be some qualities that you're looking
00:18:30.760 | Yeah. And pray, ask the Lord and look for people that are really different than you. They don't
00:18:36.840 | have to look like you or act like you. Um, they can be really different. I learned a ton of that
00:18:42.680 | hospitality from one of the messiest people I've ever known, but she was so open. She was so willing to
00:18:49.400 | host in her house was like chaos, but she would just put, you know, move a stack of books and have you
00:18:56.760 | welcome. And she was so welcoming. I just was, I was so surprised that she understood hospitality
00:19:03.000 | was different than in entertainment. And she took a lot of risk. And I just remember just admiring her,
00:19:09.560 | um, after the initial, like, wait a minute, everything's not what I thought it should be,
00:19:14.440 | you know, when you invite someone in, but to see her heart toward me was so open. And I thought,
00:19:21.720 | wow, I would never have, I wouldn't have seen us having that connection. And so I would just
00:19:27.080 | encourage people, just ask the Lord, you'd be surprised who he brings into your life. Yep.
00:19:31.720 | Mm hmm. And it's so true that we can learn from people who are so different than us. Um, and I,
00:19:40.600 | I just started this little, the study on the body and like, I've been thinking about how God makes
00:19:47.320 | everyone different, but in his image. And I feel like that's what you're describing there is the fact
00:19:52.520 | that everyone, there is a piece of everyone that is very much showcasing God's character. We can be
00:20:00.200 | diametrically different and both really highlight parts of who he is. Um, and so we have something
00:20:08.360 | to glean from everyone in the body of Christ. And with that said, you know, sometimes I think it does
00:20:14.840 | take the vulnerability that you guys are describing and the willingness to ask questions. Um, so what are
00:20:20.760 | some questions as you look back over the years, you know, um, that maybe you wish you'd had the
00:20:27.240 | courage to ask, or you knew that you should have asked, or it could have made your path a little
00:20:33.080 | bit straighter. If you'd asked this question, what are some good questions, um, that you could have asked
00:20:38.280 | a mentor, Shelley? Well, I, you know, after you see that thing that you're wanting to improve
00:20:46.040 | and get better at, the question could be targeted toward that. For instance, um, how do you find time
00:20:52.200 | to spend with the Lord? Yes. You know, how do you read the Bible and how do you fit that in and how do
00:20:57.880 | you include your children in that? Um, a good question. I know at one point I was struggling with getting
00:21:03.720 | good meals, healthy meals on the table, you know, and planning ahead and, and all of that. And so I asked
00:21:10.040 | a person who was good at that and I said, you know, how do you do this? And she shared a few tips with me.
00:21:14.520 | So meal planning, um, keeping, um, a straightened house, right? For some of us, um, we cannot have
00:21:24.280 | us a peaceful day unless our house is a little bit organized. It doesn't have to be perfect, but, um,
00:21:31.160 | some of us have, you know, different, uh, thresholds of tolerance for, for, uh, messiness. And so asking
00:21:38.600 | people that are, um, I think I would have asked, look in hindsight, I would have asked things like,
00:21:47.880 | how do you encourage your children? You know, things that are lasting. How do you encourage
00:21:53.240 | your children even when they're struggling? How do you balance, um, all the extra activities with a large
00:22:00.520 | family? Um, so maybe practical questions, but also some spiritually focused questions. And I think it
00:22:09.160 | stems from those two questions I mentioned earlier is what's going well in my homeschooling this season
00:22:14.840 | and what am I looking to improve? Where is God, um, prompting me to help to improve? And then you
00:22:21.560 | start with that and then you start creating questions and going to people who are, are a little further
00:22:29.240 | down the road than you are in those things. That's great. What are some things you wish you'd
00:22:35.160 | been just a little bit more curious about Amy? I think, yeah, I think very similar, uh, questions.
00:22:41.160 | And then, um, some questions like, what would you have changed if, if there were things in your past
00:22:47.160 | that, um, and your relationship with your children or the relationship with your, um, and in your marriage,
00:22:54.120 | um, what do you look back on and think? I, I didn't really have the right priority there. I mean,
00:23:00.440 | that it doesn't mean they have to divulge things that are very private or that sort of thing, but
00:23:05.480 | just asking, you know, if you could have changed something, what would you have changed in your mind and
00:23:10.920 | heart? So that, that was, I actually had a couple of mentors that I could, I felt comfortable asking
00:23:18.680 | that. And that was very helpful. Um, just the perspective that they offered me was very helpful.
00:23:25.400 | And then second, just being vulnerable. Like what are some things that you see in my life
00:23:30.520 | that you could challenge me on, you know, and hold me accountable for like, uh, scripture memory is a big,
00:23:36.600 | uh, my, my daughter's really helpful. Uh, it just reminded me of just in her actions of how beautiful
00:23:43.160 | that is and, um, and being willing to follow their advice. I think sometimes, um, you, I, I know for
00:23:51.240 | myself, I might get the advice, but part of it is, is really the wise thing is to incorporate that
00:23:57.560 | advice. It doesn't have to all look, you're not a cookie cutter, so we don't all look the same, but
00:24:02.680 | there are some elements of wisdom that is kind of the seed of, of, um, what someone is advising me to do.
00:24:10.760 | So really taking that in and thinking about it, but yeah, those, those are all any question. I feel
00:24:17.400 | like it just opens the conversation when you have questions of people, um, are, who have walked with
00:24:24.360 | the Lord, uh, longer are usually very eager to share openly with you because they don't want you to do,
00:24:32.840 | make some of the mistakes or they do want you to see this faithfulness really works. Um, so I think
00:24:39.880 | it's, um, it's a great opportunity to, to pursue for sure. Yeah. And as the mentee is the, am I using
00:24:49.640 | that word correctly? Yeah. As the one who is receiving the mentorship from the other person, um,
00:24:55.960 | it takes a lot of humility, I think. And honestly, uh, it takes a lot of humility from the person doing
00:25:02.280 | the mentoring. I've never felt so old than the first time I was asked if I would mentor someone.
00:25:09.640 | You know, I'm in my thirties and I was thinking, didn't you mean to ask someone a little bit older?
00:25:15.400 | What are you talking about? But, um, it's true because if you're not willing to be vulnerable and
00:25:22.040 | you're not willing to be authentic, and it's not to say that you need to divulge all of the details,
00:25:27.400 | but the truth is that no one here is perfect, but Jesus. And that's why we've all come to the foot of
00:25:31.640 | the cross. And so when we are sharing or asking the questions, we all need to apply some serious
00:25:40.200 | humility to the conversation. Um, and to trust the Lord for the fruit, because at the end of the day,
00:25:47.800 | you know, what you all said is so true. You pray, you say, God, please provide the right person. And
00:25:53.720 | then the Lord needs to take those things, those seeds that they plant in your heart, and he needs to help
00:25:58.680 | you to make them grow. Um, in order for that conversation to be fruitful and more than just
00:26:04.440 | what this passage was mentioning, you know, you don't want to be a busy body. You don't want to be
00:26:08.440 | a slanderer. Sometimes when you're sharing things that are happening in your life, it's, it's tempting
00:26:13.080 | to take it too far, but that's not his intent. He wants you to be a teacher of good things. And there's
00:26:18.760 | such a beautiful opportunity for the believer to do that. Um, that said in this private public room
00:26:25.800 | on the podcast, would you all be willing to share maybe just a few stories or lessons that you did
00:26:33.000 | learn the hard way, um, that you hope you can encourage or help, help women help listeners to,
00:26:41.480 | to learn in a different way, maybe not take the path that you took.
00:26:47.560 | Yeah. We were talking before the podcast, Amy and I, and when we, when we're asked to, um,
00:26:55.080 | to, you know, be on a podcast or talk about our homeschooling years, the first thing that comes
00:27:01.720 | to mind are the mistakes we made and how we were failures. And, and maybe that's where you learn the
00:27:07.560 | most is when you don't do it right. But I think one thing that bubbles to the top for me is just don't be
00:27:14.040 | so busy. Um, just what, you know, do less better. And it's, it's okay if everybody doesn't do five things, um,
00:27:25.000 | outside the home every week, you know, it's, and it's, it can be harmful even. So find out simple,
00:27:33.160 | restful, sincere, kind, um, find the three words that are going to be your keywords, your themes
00:27:42.360 | this season. Maybe it's a semester or a year. Talk with your husband about it. What are our goals this
00:27:48.840 | year, you know? And then just unbusy yourself. Um, I, I was doing way too much for way too long
00:27:57.560 | and it's, it's harmful on your health and maybe the relationships of your children. So I could list
00:28:07.400 | many more, but that's the first one that comes to mind. What about you, Amy? Oh yeah. I, I, I agree with you.
00:28:13.320 | I think, um, I was thinking in terms of, um, your children. Uh, well, first of all, your marriage is
00:28:20.200 | so central to your family and, and I've at times, uh, not valued my marriage or my husband over the
00:28:30.360 | education of my children. I'm, I'm naturally drawn to them instead of like, I really need to make that
00:28:36.440 | a pro my relationship with my husband a priority. Um, and so I think sometimes I've, um, kind of stolen
00:28:44.040 | time from him or focus from him and in, in light of like pouring it into my children and, and he's been
00:28:51.000 | kind enough to remind me that we need time away. We need conversation. Um, we need to check in. And, um, so
00:28:58.920 | being really mindful of the relationships within my family. And then also just, uh, I guess I think
00:29:06.440 | of two more things, thinking of each of my children and what their needs are. Um, and just realizing that
00:29:13.240 | my children are not my children, that they're not to their image bearers of God. He's, he designed them
00:29:21.080 | and perhaps they have a different personality or ilk than I do. And I'm not to force them into
00:29:27.640 | a particular way of doing things to really, um, I think of the song of Solomon, which is a little
00:29:34.040 | unique to think about. But one of the things that, that strikes me about that, um, book of scripture
00:29:39.640 | is that they carefully studied each other. They carefully understood their love and their passions,
00:29:47.320 | and they pursued each other along those lines. And I think sometimes with our, our spouse,
00:29:51.640 | of course, that works to study and, uh, to think on, to pray about, to, um, to give, um, give time to
00:30:01.080 | and attention. But also that's true of our children to really think about like, okay,
00:30:06.040 | this particular child is very shy, you know, so am I putting pressure on them to be someone that they're
00:30:13.560 | not because it makes me look good? Or am I asking this person who is really maybe very gregarious,
00:30:21.640 | you know, to calm down or something, you know, so just being mindful of the difference between
00:30:26.840 | how God has created our child and then shaping their character in their heart, but not over,
00:30:33.880 | um, being overbearing or shaping. And then the third thing is, I think of, I was, uh, as I was considering
00:30:41.160 | this time together is that Tozer, um, I, I love reading Tozer, although he is a very convicting
00:30:48.360 | person at times to read. But one of the things that he said is that self sins like self-righteousness,
00:30:56.040 | self-pity, um, those self-sufficiency, um, all of those sins that I feel like I have to be very mindful
00:31:05.320 | of that scripture in Philippians said, um, like rid yourself of selfish ambition and empty conceit.
00:31:12.600 | And so that idea of not serving myself and asking the Lord to really bring to mind when that subtle sin
00:31:20.760 | is rearing its head, you know, promoting myself perhaps above someone else, uh, stealing someone's
00:31:27.400 | reputation with my words, uh, through gossip or slander, um, maybe even disrespecting my husband
00:31:34.440 | or, or, you know, um, I think sometimes if I gathered with other moms, it was really easy to slip into
00:31:42.360 | feeling very, uh, self-righteous or the martyr or complaining. And so really watching what comes out of
00:31:50.680 | my mouth or listening and knowing that's what's in my heart and making sure that that, that is, um,
00:31:57.080 | really honoring to God. So I would say that, um, there are many, many mistakes that I made of thinking
00:32:05.080 | and part of that self-sufficiency of just feeling like I'm the one that's holding all of this up and,
00:32:11.480 | you know, and that's just, that's ridiculous. And such an offense to God that he,
00:32:15.960 | he was the person that was holding it all up instead of me making the perfect schedule.
00:32:21.640 | And like Shelly said, just being still and quiet and open to the Lord, um, will help, uh, you, uh,
00:32:30.440 | just, uh, help you avoid some of those, those mistakes. And, and I think, uh, you have to do,
00:32:37.160 | have to go back and confess those to, um, your husband and to your children at times when you feel
00:32:43.320 | like you've, you've done wrong. And, and to remember that God has put you as a parent,
00:32:49.240 | you, you have a lot of influence and, uh, just being mindful of what we say and, and, um, and how
00:32:58.280 | we speak as is really important. Um, so just trusting the Lord with that. So, yeah.
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00:34:42.600 | That's so good. Do less, be mindful. Those are the big themes that I'm taking away. Do less and be
00:34:52.200 | mindful, you know, do more with less. Maybe we need a new t-shirt. I'd wear that one. I'd wear a hat. Do less,
00:35:00.280 | be mindful. I'd be mindful. I probably need to look in the mirror more. But I love what you all were
00:35:06.920 | mentioning. Or I think, Amy, you just mentioned it about the husbands too, because when I look at this
00:35:11.640 | passage, you know, that we just read at the top of the show, I notice an order in which Paul introduces
00:35:20.680 | the teaching of the love of family. And it starts with the husbands. So let's dive into that a little
00:35:29.480 | bit more. Um, Shelley, what are, what are your thoughts and what has been your conviction over
00:35:35.880 | the years about why the Lord would have a start by loving our husbands?
00:35:40.840 | Yeah. So it reminds me of that triangle, you know, you see the husband, the wife, and God at the top.
00:35:47.320 | And if that triangle is not foundational, if it's not strong, then everything under it, right?
00:35:54.200 | C.S. Lewis said, when you put first things first, all else falls into order. When you put second
00:36:00.200 | things first or fourth things first, chaos can ensue. So just, um, yeah, one of the ways I think,
00:36:08.120 | simple ways to honor your husband, I read an article years ago, it says 10 ways to love your husband
00:36:13.000 | or to communicate love to your husband. And I've kept that. And so I go back to it. But
00:36:17.400 | one thing it said was to, um, uh, just to include him in the meal prep, right? What do you want to eat
00:36:26.760 | this week? You know, and when you're doing your menu planning and you're, you're shopping. So including
00:36:32.120 | him in that, um, I think one of the things I wish I'd done more and my husband, um, was a commuter.
00:36:40.040 | So he would leave for DC, like at five in the morning, four in the morning, sometimes, and not
00:36:45.800 | get home like till six, eight o'clock at night. So I tried to, to lessen his load appropriately,
00:36:52.440 | probably of childcare at that time. And like, I did all the bath time and everything, but I see my
00:36:59.160 | daughters, um, doing that so well, like they're in daddy does bath time, you know, daddy does
00:37:05.000 | why she cleans up the kitchen or, or daddy, um, does the, the, the feeding time, you know, at,
00:37:13.560 | in the evening within the high chair and why she's, I just, uh, that sharing of responsibility. He really
00:37:19.560 | wants to do what I think he just maybe needs to be shown how, you know, if he didn't grow up
00:37:26.440 | with a family, with younger siblings, he may not know really what, what needs done. And so
00:37:31.880 | including him in that, and then I, you, you, Amy alluded to this, but just being a really good listener,
00:37:38.120 | could I, when my husband talks to me, could I turn to him and look at him and not continue the thing
00:37:47.880 | that I'm in the middle of? And could I listen and restate and treat him like he's the most
00:37:55.240 | important person in my life? Because he is. One of the things we did well is when daddy got home,
00:38:01.160 | we all were at the door greeting and celebrating and, you know, and one of, one of the moms,
00:38:07.640 | one of my friends, moms, one of my friends whose husband worked from home said, we miss,
00:38:12.840 | you guys do that so well. We don't, we don't have an opportunity to do that because he just
00:38:17.960 | comes upstairs, right? But, um, celebrating dad and loving on him physically as well. So
00:38:27.400 | those are a few thoughts.
00:38:28.440 | Yeah, those are great. Yeah, exactly. Just, uh, not assuming that he wants to be involved in certain,
00:38:38.120 | only certain ways. And what, and I, um, yeah, we, lots of conversations, just asking questions and
00:38:45.560 | listening. And I think, um, I think sometimes there, uh, our, our spouse as is a gift from
00:38:55.080 | the Lord and, um, and just practicing gratitude, uh, both in our prayer for our, uh, we should be,
00:39:02.600 | I think, uh, it's helpful to be praying for your husband and praying along. It's, um, sometimes it's
00:39:10.520 | easier to pray for your, uh, kids because you're like, help me not kill them. Give me patience. But,
00:39:17.960 | um, to, instead to really be thinking about that's in terms of my children, but to be thinking about how
00:39:24.600 | how can I pray for my, my husband and, um, and I think starting with gratitude, what are the ways
00:39:32.920 | that, um, you know, he, how he works are, um, hard to provide for us or, um, how he's willing to jump
00:39:43.160 | in and, and do things that maybe are more difficult things that I, uh, would prefer not to do how he cares,
00:39:50.680 | um, for me and for my children or our children. So I think that idea of gratitude and just having
00:39:57.080 | conversations, being available. One of the things I realized when I was raising, we have three sons
00:40:03.640 | and I realized pretty early that my sons were not going to vie for competition. Like if I felt
00:40:10.920 | distracted or I was, you know, speaking with someone else, they weren't going to just, you know, come in
00:40:17.480 | and demand a conversation that they, they would just be quiet. And I think that, um, that sometimes
00:40:25.480 | I didn't recognize those opportunities like, oh, I should have put something down. The laundry should
00:40:30.440 | have been put down. The phone should have been put away. The computer should have been closed.
00:40:35.960 | And I give my full attention to, uh, what my husband is saying and remembering how was, you said
00:40:42.920 | this was going to be a difficult day. How did that turn out? And, um, and also, um, for, for me, I,
00:40:50.920 | I kind of was the, um, calendar keeper of our home. And so making sure that I didn't fill up every minute
00:40:59.720 | of the day with things for the children and had nothing left over. By the time he got home, I was,
00:41:06.280 | um, you know, it was completely depleted or I didn't, I didn't plan for time away. Sometimes just
00:41:12.040 | scheduling like, Hey, I I've got us some, you know, we're going to go out to Wendy's and have a frosty.
00:41:18.280 | Um, I've got a babysitter. It doesn't have to be expensive, but just knowing that I've put that as a
00:41:23.160 | priority is I wish I'd done that more, but I, I, the fruit of it is definitely, um, it just builds
00:41:30.520 | your marriage and, and you want to build, I tell people you're not building a, a, a house, you're
00:41:37.240 | building a cathedral, you're building a heritage. And so you want that kind of trust to be built.
00:41:43.640 | And so you have to be intentional about it. Um, uh, for sure. So, yeah, that's such great vision.
00:41:51.160 | And I mean, I'm hearing echoes of the fact too, that as homeschooling parents,
00:41:57.000 | you can bring him into that too. Um, you know, he probably does. I've been, I've been amazed
00:42:05.000 | at the difference between the way that my little boy receives certain thoughts from his father versus
00:42:13.320 | his mother. And I know that you all know, this is just a tried and true thing, but sometimes that
00:42:19.320 | other voice, you know, and, and you did, you did your job is not to say that I shouldn't have done
00:42:23.720 | the ABCs and whatever way I was doing it in the morning. But then when daddy comes in at the end
00:42:28.360 | of the day and he spends 30 seconds on the sound, suddenly it clicks, you know, and he needed me to
00:42:37.240 | lay that foundation. It's not that I wasted my time, but I'm just saying the, the role of a father and the
00:42:43.720 | role of your husband in the life of your family and in your life, it cannot be, it cannot be overvalued.
00:42:51.960 | It cannot, it really can't. And there's a lot of research on that guys as well. So if you
00:42:56.920 | are ever needing to take your thoughts captive and send them in an extremely productive direction,
00:43:03.320 | I would encourage you to do some research on the effect, um, and the lasting effect in this cathedral
00:43:10.920 | of the presence of a father in a child's life, it is incredible. And when I think about that in the
00:43:16.520 | light of our heavenly father, it's just beautiful to me. Um, go ahead on that, on that note, you know,
00:43:24.880 | for our listeners who may not have a husband or a father in the home, we have a heavenly father. You just
00:43:30.040 | said it to lease, you know, and find that Christian male mentor that can come and support you and be a
00:43:36.600 | part. My, my sister's husband died, um, very young. And so that's what she did. And she would, um,
00:43:44.280 | she found godly male mentors and to help her son to grow into a godly man. And it's, it can be done.
00:43:53.480 | And the Lord fills in the gaps. Yes. Right. So, um, it's a beautiful, beautiful thing to
00:44:00.360 | encourage that male presence in our children. Yes. Yes. Thank you for bringing that in. Absolutely.
00:44:07.480 | Well, I would love to hear. So Paul starts with the husbands and then he says, teach them to love
00:44:14.200 | their kids. So I would love to hear your thoughts. Maybe it's just some rapid fire ways. How, how did you
00:44:19.960 | practically speak your children's love languages? Cause we've got, I believe it's eight children
00:44:24.840 | represented in the room, you know, well, nine, if you count 10, if you count the one in my bio.
00:44:29.000 | So, um, what were some ways that the Lord really helped you to just practically
00:44:35.480 | help your children feel loved?
00:44:39.000 | Well, I guess we should start by saying, you know, honor your children, respect your children.
00:44:45.880 | We've all been in the grocery store and that tired mom is, you know, has, is dealing with her children
00:44:52.600 | like they are. And this is what the world thinks they are a hassle that they are ruining her life.
00:44:59.480 | Right. And we know that that's not true. We all feel that way sometimes. And there's grace for that.
00:45:04.920 | But, um, first of all, you said it before, they're sisters in Christ. These are brothers in Christ
00:45:11.320 | that you're able to, to mentor and have a part of your life for, you know, at least 18, 20 years,
00:45:19.080 | and then beyond. So start there and be a student of your child. What, what makes them happy? What makes
00:45:27.000 | some, sometimes I wish I'd, we're doing so many surveys, you know, now, and you know, what do you,
00:45:32.680 | what's going well? And, uh, what would, uh, you know, these promoter scores, you know, would you
00:45:39.240 | recommend me as a mom to anybody? Sometimes I wish I'd done some surveys about, um, what do you see
00:45:47.000 | six year old or 10 year old or 14 year old? What would you like to do more of? And what is
00:45:54.120 | hardship for you? Obviously you can't feed into everything, but I did buy this book once to read
00:46:01.000 | for myself. It's called a hundred ways to show, to show love to your child. And our, one of our oldest
00:46:08.040 | was a very early reader. So here she is a four years old reading this book and she's circling
00:46:14.440 | the things that she wants mommy to do. Isn't that awesome? So being a student of your child,
00:46:20.760 | and you know, we said it before seeing which ones like to go, go, go and helping them temper that.
00:46:27.480 | And then the one that likes to stay in the stress by go, go, going. And so not maybe bringing
00:46:33.640 | her along every time. So, um, you know, loving your children. I know some of my children really
00:46:41.000 | like just to spend time with me, invite them into the kitchen when I'm meal prep. Others really liked
00:46:47.240 | words of affirmation. And so I would look for things at one point. I even kept a calendar. Am I encouraging
00:46:53.800 | with my words other, you know, enough, um, others liked gifts, you know, so just surprising them with
00:47:02.920 | certain things. So I guess becoming a student of your children and learning what really blesses them.
00:47:11.480 | Yeah. I think that's that. Yes. Um, I think those are exactly right. That's what I would say. And
00:47:19.960 | when I think of what my husband does really beautifully is just words of affirmation. He just is so good at
00:47:28.360 | saying, you know, like I, and these particular ways I see how God is working and, um, and that
00:47:36.120 | idea of blessing your children, just being very, um, sometimes it embarrasses them. He is, he usually
00:47:44.520 | does a, well, he always does a poem for each of their birthdays. And, and it just, it's, it's just
00:47:50.280 | beautiful. Like the, what their year has been like and how he's seen God work. And,
00:47:54.520 | you know, they can be like, well, you know, but it really means something to, to have a parent speak
00:48:00.760 | over you a blessing and to see to, I think of it calling out the qualities that you see God has put
00:48:08.360 | in them. They may not be mature yet. You know, um, they, of course not, neither are mine, but to see
00:48:15.320 | that these seeds that God has planted in their heart and mind and affirming that. And then, and I found
00:48:21.880 | that, um, speaking in two ways, asking forgiveness, when, uh, I've made a mistake, I've misspoken, I've
00:48:31.640 | misrepresented them. I've, um, I've said something harsh and unkind, um, to be quick to seek forgiveness
00:48:40.680 | and, um, and reconciliation with them. And I think that's, that's really important, um, as a, as a
00:48:48.360 | parent, you know, and, um, and I think also just helping your child, uh, recognize that, um, that you have a
00:48:57.800 | lot of confidence in them. I remember one of my, um, my son-in-law, he was, um, dating my daughter
00:49:06.600 | and, and I spoke to his mother for the first time and I was trying to read it because he was living on
00:49:12.680 | this side of the country. They were on the other side of the country and that didn't know Mary Claire
00:49:16.280 | very well. But I remember just saying to her, like, I, we're so excited for them and affirming.
00:49:23.320 | And she was so, so dear. I've never heard. She said, well, I have very much confidence
00:49:29.240 | in him as a, as a believer. I've seen his wisdom and I, I'm confident that he's, he's on this journey.
00:49:37.160 | It wasn't prideful, but it was so great to hear, um, to say, I have confidence in this person. And I
00:49:45.640 | think sometimes for us to, to, it's so easy to correct and modify and shed, you know, we're always
00:49:52.520 | seeing that little tweak, but sometimes just flat out saying, you know, I'm really confident that
00:49:57.160 | you're going to be in good shape here. You're going to make a good decision. So I can, I rest in that.
00:50:02.680 | I thought that was brilliant. And, and I've really, uh, thought to, of how to apply that in my own
00:50:08.920 | speaking, especially as your children get older and they're, um, they're trying things out to, to just
00:50:15.240 | give them that reassurance that you trust their judgment. So that's beautiful. There's so there is
00:50:22.200 | power in the tongue, the power of life in the tongue, speaking life is so important. And as we bring this
00:50:30.280 | conversation to a close, I wonder if you all would take some time to speak life into our listeners who
00:50:38.280 | are finding themselves in that new season of, of being the mentor, um, what are some ways they can
00:50:46.520 | serve? What are some things that you know that they need to hear right now? Yeah. So for, for a mom who's
00:50:54.440 | maybe done homeschooling and her, she has adult children, maybe they're still living at home. Maybe
00:50:59.640 | they're moving away. There can be a loneliness and unexpected loneliness. You've been running hard
00:51:05.640 | for a few years, for many years, maybe. And now you're like, who am I? Because I'm not a mom that's
00:51:14.120 | asked a million questions every day anymore. And so resting, taking some time to rest. We were talking
00:51:21.080 | it before the podcast about a loaf of bread and how you need that dough. And then you let it rest.
00:51:28.280 | Right. And you let God do what he's going to do with those chemicals, you know, and it, it rises up
00:51:35.880 | before it's ready to go and serve again, to be served. And so allowing yourself some time to rest and
00:51:44.680 | just seek, you know what, it's okay to not be needed every single day. Yes. And that's a hard thing to learn
00:51:51.640 | as a mom because you've been so needed and, and, um, so letting resting in the Lord and asking him
00:51:58.040 | for direction. But when you're ready to serve, there's many ways to serve. One of my friends just
00:52:03.480 | volunteers on the phones at her local pregnancy center. Right. Um, one just helps at church, you know,
00:52:12.040 | half a day a week or something. Um, you know, one of my, um, friends, she helps with the mothers of
00:52:19.240 | preschoolers. So she watches the children, right? Or there's nursery at church. So those tired moms can
00:52:25.560 | have a time in the word. Um, just look for ways God will show you ways to quietly serve and, and it will
00:52:35.320 | be a blessing to you, but it will really be a blessing to others as well. Yes. Yeah. It, it, there is,
00:52:43.400 | I'm glad you spoke to that, Shelley, because, um, um, um, at this stage of our life, when that last one does
00:52:49.880 | go, it's the, um, the house gets a lot quieter and you start feeling, um, very, um, uh, not needed or, um, a bit
00:53:02.600 | off kilter, like, Oh no, all the, all the, um, things that were keeping me preoccupied now aren't. And I think that
00:53:11.400 | rest is, um, that rest is, is God designed. So to receive that as a gift from the Lord and not try to
00:53:18.280 | fill it up with things that make you feel, um, busy and affirming, uh, and relevant, you are relevant
00:53:26.120 | because that's who you are. You are in Christ. He's made you relevant. So I think revisiting the truths
00:53:32.680 | that God of who you are in Christ, it's just a wonderful time to, um, reflect, read, um, um,
00:53:39.400 | do some serious scripture study. Um, it's, it's a time that you can start seeing, um, some of the
00:53:49.720 | aspects of scripture that you, you may have missed, you know, sometimes we read scripture in light of
00:53:56.040 | some other person, you know, in light of this person or in light of this circumstance.
00:54:00.600 | And instead of reading it to be filled for yourself, um, one of the big things I think, um,
00:54:07.400 | is prayer. I really think that, um, um, we can overlook that as an, as a work, but I, I have just,
00:54:18.200 | um, more recently seen just how vital that is to be praying actively for our children, our grandchildren,
00:54:28.600 | our neighborhood, other home, other homeschool and moms, other children in your area, whether they're
00:54:34.920 | homeschooled or not. Um, really being deliberate and, and bringing them before the throne, uh, looking
00:54:43.400 | for opportunities with people that don't know the Lord, um, to, you know, be hospitable, invite people
00:54:50.840 | into your home. This is a great, we don't do that much anymore. Um, uh, in, as a culture, you know,
00:54:58.120 | we, we go out or we do this, but I would say that, um, my husband teaches at a small Christian school.
00:55:04.760 | And so we've had students in and there's no better person to, to cook for than a college student. They
00:55:10.040 | love anything you fix. So don't worry if you're not a good cook because they'll eat anything just
00:55:15.080 | because it's homemade, but we've had some really life-changing conversations around the table,
00:55:19.960 | just relaxed conversations, um, where people just start opening up, sharing about their life.
00:55:28.360 | So hospitality, um, you may think, oh no, you know, I don't cook well, or I don't do this,
00:55:34.120 | or it doesn't really matter, but just being willing to open your home is, is a great opportunity.
00:55:41.240 | And then there's, of course, if you do, there's a CC community. I asked the director like, Hey,
00:55:46.280 | um, is there something you need? Are there errands to run? Can I pray? How can I pray for you?
00:55:51.960 | Can I show up in the nursery? I would caution against like jumping in and taking leadership.
00:55:56.840 | I think that it's lovely when a community has their own beautiful leadership and that you
00:56:02.200 | undergird it with, uh, doing those jobs. Sometimes that other people, uh, they don't have enough hands
00:56:08.440 | for the nursery. Uh, so those would be some opportunities for that. Yeah. There are lots of
00:56:14.520 | them. You just have to be open and, and waiting, wait, wait, wait on the Lord. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
00:56:24.200 | So many good ideas. There are so many good ideas and the Lord has a purpose for you. And I think,
00:56:29.320 | I think that's really the takeaway that I want to capture for everyone. The Lord has a purpose for
00:56:35.720 | you. If you were here, you were here on purpose. Um, and so just be willing and open and listening
00:56:43.320 | because he's going to show you what that is. And, and it could be that he shows you in retrospect and
00:56:49.640 | you're just doing your thing. And then he has you look over your shoulder and he says,
00:56:53.560 | did you see how I used to do X? And that is enough to, um, because all the glory is his. So
00:56:59.720 | listeners, thank you for coming on this journey, ladies. Thank you for sharing. Um, and we hope that
00:57:07.560 | this show encouraged you, we hope that you would take the time right now to think of maybe two moms
00:57:14.040 | who either need a mentor or can be a mentor because there's space for us all to do both. Um, and send
00:57:21.880 | the show to them. We'd love to hear from you over on social media. Everyday Educator is on social media.
00:57:27.640 | And a large reason why we're there is so that you can tell us what you need and how we can serve. And
00:57:33.960 | we can help you to capture some of these ideas and to share them with your friends, to encourage you to
00:57:38.520 | continue to be an everyday educator. And, and that, that goes from the moment that you wake up to the
00:57:44.600 | moment you go to sleep. If you're a mom, if you're a dad, everything that you're doing is, is telling
00:57:49.720 | a story and teaching your children something. So thank you all for listening. And we hope to see you very soon.
00:57:55.240 | Thank you.