Hi, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the Everyday Educator podcast. Today, I am so excited to bring you two lovely ladies who are just veteran homeschoolers, women who have invested their lives into serving their families, serving their communities. And we thought it would be fun to have a conversation about what it looks like to steward not only the season of life that some of these younger moms who are listening are in, but the season of life that you're going into.

Whether you're a seasoned mother or you are still very much in the thick of it, I am confident that you are going to be able to glean from this conversation. So without any further ado, Shelly, Amy, welcome to the show. Thank you. Thank you. Well, I know that most of our listeners are familiar with both of you, but I want to give you a chance to introduce yourselves in case someone here is new to your voices.

So Shelly, will you tell us about yourself and your life right now? Sure. I am just had my 60th birthday this month, and that was exciting and shocking at the same time. All my children tried to come home and bring my grandchildren home. So that was fun. So I graduated five daughters through CC and they have like a nine year age span.

So I homeschooled for 25 years and then I collapsed for a few years. And now I'm still working in the homeschooling area of obviously with CC and helping international families homeschool. So that's where I'm at. I love that. Happy belated birthday. Happy birthday. Yeah, I think that's a good reminder.

23 years homeschooling. Three of my four children went through CC and my youngest, my oldest was there was CC was not there for him. But yeah, we homeschooled our children from the beginning and, and I've enjoyed similar to Shelly after that first year of home, finishing the last one, sending him out the door, so to speak.

I took a couple of years to just reorient myself. I think that's what felt was a good thing to do. And before I plunged into the next thing. And then, um, but we, I now have nine soon, 10 grandchildren on one on the way. So I get to replenish, uh, all of those scrub, you know, dust off the foundations guide and, and start thinking again about how to pray and encourage my, my, uh, my daughters and daughters in law.

So, so it's, it's lovely. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm really glad I get to be here. And now, uh, like Shelly, I get to, uh, be part of a homeschool family with classical conversations and, and working on this side of the screen a little bit. So it's been great. Yeah.

Well, we're so happy to have you in our clan. Well, today our conversation is going to be kind of based off of a passage of scripture. We don't do this often, but I'm excited because I think there's just so much in it and we love to dissect a passage as classicalists.

So this is going to be a fun time. Um, we're going to read Titus two, three through five, and then we'll talk about, you know, what does it look like to be a Titus two woman? So I'll read this passage right now. I'm reading the new King James, in case you're curious, it says the older women, likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teaching teachers of good things, and that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste homemakers, good, obedient to their husbands, and that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

So we'll take this a little bit from the top. Um, and I think I'll start with you, Shelly. Do you, did you have a good mentor when you were bringing up your children? What did that look like for you? Yes, I really did. I had just some like-minded mamas, um, many in CC whose children were a little bit older and I would just watch them and see how they, um, organize their life.

And, and one mother, especially who lives, um, not far from me, she has nine children. And I would just go and ask her if I could just look at her library titles. So I would go and just look at what she's using and ask her questions. And she was a very organized person.

And so I was striving for that, but she was also very loving and restful. So I think by watching people that God brings to your attention, um, that's how I was mentored. That's wonderful. I love that you just mentioned they were people who were already in your life. You know, you were just observing.

It wasn't that you had to necessarily go seek them out. It was that you observed who, who did God put in your circle in your circle. And then you pursued them. Um, what about you, Amy? Did you have a good mentor? Yeah. The Lord was very gracious to put like Shelly, other women in my life, some were older and some were my age at my stage.

And I felt like I needed both of those kinds of women. I needed people who had gone before and I could look like, this is what it looks like down the road. It gives me hope. Um, and then I had, um, several women in fact, we still meet. We would just gather for prayer at, um, like super early in the morning or at the walking trail and just pray.

And we've been doing that for, I don't, well, about 27 years. I mean, just praying for each other. And we, we were fortunate enough to live in the same town for a long time. So just having people that were your comrades, uh, that was helpful, but also I found I wasn't raised in a Christian home.

So I felt like, um, some of my mentors were like, you know, Edith Schaefer or, um, Elizabeth, I'm sure Shelly, you know, you just like, that's probably what she was looking at. Like, what are you reading? Elizabeth Elliot or, you know, um, different people, um, that Tozer or people that I felt like, um, or I think of the trip brothers, you know, books really helped mentor me, um, to help me understand, kind of think through is kind of chew on some ideas.

You know, you'd read that, that quote or that idea and you'd think, oh, I've got to chew on that for a bit. So, um, I really, that was really helpful is have like my, a mentor in my pocket, so to speak. But there's so many great Christian writers that, um, are, are such big encouragements.

That was before podcasts were popular. So books are my, my friend. I'm glad she said that to Elise, because you know, all those parent books that we mentioned in the catalog are just crucial. They're just lovely. And so picking up one of those a summer or just saying, I'm going to read a chapter a week of something is very, it's very mentoring.

Good point, Amy. Yes, absolutely. I was just about to say, I know that this is a, this is a slight aside, but I think it's, it's right in the wheelhouse for what we're trying to say. What were some of your favorite books or books that really did help you to think?

Because, um, you're right in the catalog, we have a great list of some books that you all should go and read. And we'll leave a link for those below, but do two or three titles just come to mind for you ladies? Because it's true that sometimes you need to have a conversation and I would always encourage people, you know, don't silo yourself away from people, but also sometimes we need to slow down.

And there, there are authors who have taken the time to write out some ideas that can really change the trajectory of your life. If you take the time to read those ideas. Um, so what were some books Shelly that really impacted you in your homeschooling and child rearing days?

Wow. That's a really good question. And I think that the, the precursor to that is we understand that you're busy mamas, and that it's the last thing you think you have time for is to do this, right? So aside from scripture, right, make that a daily habit. Um, I would say that three books stand out.

In fact, I can tell you, I can remember in my mind where I was when I read these books, that's how I'm powerful, powerful. They were empowering. Um, when people are big and God is small, I read that on the beach, South Carolina, and it helped me balance my people pleasing skills to be more God focused.

And it gave me a lot more rest and less stress because God's yoke is easy and his burden is light. Um, not so much mine or social media is right. So another one was total truth. I joke that I thought I was a Christian before I wrote, read total truth by Nancy Peercy.

And my goodness, if you want to talk about, um, convicting and humbling and helping you see governing principles in your Christian life that apply to everything, total truth. And then the practicing affirmation is still a book I pick up. And I guess one, one more is Humility by Murray.

That is one of my, uh, yearly reads. I have a few books that I read yearly and that one continues to speak into my life. It's wonderful, man. Those are good. I love that book. Humility. The first time I read that I was in middle school, I think. What a poignant time for you.

We should assign it to our middle school. I was like, I knew you knew this. And he was right. I didn't need that. And let's go read that. I really want to go grab it and reread it. What about you, Amy? What were some books that really just impacted you?

Well, uh, C.S. Lewis is, um, I like Shelley. I have, um, memories. That's how I met my husband and how we knew we were, um, soulmates because we, our first conversation started with mere Christianity. And I just really resonate with that book. And even the Chronicles of Narnia. I mean, those are all things that your challenge a and your challenge, I guess, three, I can't remember or two, maybe that you're reading.

So, Hey, pick up the same book. They're so impactful. Uh, Lewis is just has such a grace filled understanding of the Christian walk and, and challenging ideas, creative. And so he was great. Um, I really, I felt like Edith Schaefer really helped me, um, her two books, the hidden art of homemaking.

And then what is a family, even though it's a bit of a metaphorical, both, um, what is a family is a pretty metaphor, metaphorical read. I found it very, um, freeing because her understanding of what a family is, is so relational instead of dutiful or a task oriented. And, and since she and Francis were, were poor, you know, limited in their resources, she would just do these really sweet, delightful, um, things for, you know, light a candle or like, you know, boil an egg and, and put it in an ice dish.

And it just seemed like her simple, beautiful ways that she loved her family was love. It was so lovely for me. And she does this whole section on how do you take care of someone sick in your home and seeing it as such a beautiful act of service, like, you know, um, make sure they have a cool drink and change their, um, their pillowcase and make sure they have clean pajamas.

And I thought, oh, that's it. She just gave you permission to really, um, embrace your family in a way that is, that just seems so, um, kind. So driven by kindness, not by efficiency. Maybe I should say it, maybe I'm, I'm, uh, showing my cards here, like, oh, well, that's not the most efficient, but just lingering with people.

Uh, she did a really good job of that. So that, that, um, was a vision that she planted in my own mind that helped me kind of navigate those busy days to think, okay, putting a flower in a vase is not hard. And it adds such beauty to your home that ministers to your family.

She was that older woman. So yeah, those two, three books. Yeah, there are lots of them. Uh, the 10 ways to destroy your child's imagination is, uh, phenomenal. I mean, just any of those books, even the books that your, your challenge, uh, students are reading are very well selected for us to grow in our relationship with the Lord and our understanding of who he is.

So yeah, yeah, it's great. Amazing. I, I am very intrigued by what you just described in that, in those last two books, honestly, those last two book titles, I said, hang on, let me write those down. Um, and you're making me realize, or just emphasizing to me that there's just nothing new under the sun.

Um, because you know, a lot of what you just described in the book by Edith Schaefer is all about right now we call it romanticizing your life. That's the way that they're, they're talking about it. It's the same thing. And if you're a believer, it's not just about romanticizing life.

It's about sitting in wonder of God and allowing him to use your hands and your skills and your resources to glorify him and to dignify his people, you know? And so it's really a beautiful thing. And I'm intrigued. Thank you ladies for those, those books. And we'll try to list them below so you guys can find them.

But what I see as a common thread and all those authors that you described is that they are teachers of good things. They were books to mentor people's thoughts and to give, give people more perspectives on their thoughts. But for the women listening who are thinking, okay, what do I look for in a mentor?

Or what does it mean to be a good mentor if you're trying to be a a mentor? How would you describe those things? What is a good mentor? Wow. That's a lot of things, isn't it? That's, that's a good question. Well, I guess a good mentor is real. Um, but also, and also attains to improve, to be better.

Sometimes I, I think that that assessment that assessment we do in challenge what went well, what needs improved is great assessment for us as we look for a mentor, right? Uh, what's one thing that went well this week that I could share with my mentor? What is one thing that I want to improve?

So that helps us ask better questions. So a mentor is somebody who is, is, is perhaps done the thing that you're looking to do well and is a role model for you. Um, you know, a mentor, I looked it up is the, it's, it's an experienced trust and trusted advisor.

So somebody you can connect with on a level, but also somebody who's real and, um, has lots of grace, right? Uh, extends grace and someone who is, is a good listener. Yes, I would agree. Someone that's really real, uh, down to earth that, um, I, I think you want, I, I think what's attracted to me to the mentors of that I watched were their, their character.

Um, I just remember there were two women that in particular, they just, um, I keep thinking of that first Peter passage where it's the gentle, the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. And it wasn't like they were just quiet, gentle people. They were very outgoing or, but there was a sense of their own, um, of who they, they knew who they were.

They were grounded in the Lord. So they, out of that, they, um, they, they spoke and acted. They were circumspect. They weren't, um, impulsive. They weren't perfect housekeepers. I mean, sometimes their mentors, like if you're, if you're struggling in an area, um, and let's say I'm, I'm, I'm struggling with laundry or, or cooking or whatever, then find a person that you, they are particularly gifted in that area.

That is one aspect of a mentor that you can go to them and go, how do you do it? But that's not the only kind of mentor to me. The ones that lasted were the ones were women that had, um, in an honest way, following the Lord. And they allowed me to see those, those struggles that they were having.

And they invited me into those conversations and it wasn't a one way street. It was very much an interaction. Like, will you pray for me about this or, and will I, I can pray for you, but you, I think I was surprised that there were many of the same issues that we were struggling through or trying to incorporate God's word into where it wasn't as obvious.

And we were both on that same path. And, um, and it's the only thing about those mentors, they had gone down some paths that they're like, Whoa, don't go down this path. Yeah. And, uh, but that was really helpful to me. So yeah, I think like Shelley was saying, someone who's really real, that their feet are planted firmly in their relationship with the Lord, that you can, um, that you feel, and that you feel comfortable with, I think that's, uh, that you feel like you can build trust in that relationship.

So those, those may be some qualities that you're looking Yeah. And pray, ask the Lord and look for people that are really different than you. They don't have to look like you or act like you. Um, they can be really different. I learned a ton of that hospitality from one of the messiest people I've ever known, but she was so open.

She was so willing to host in her house was like chaos, but she would just put, you know, move a stack of books and have you welcome. And she was so welcoming. I just was, I was so surprised that she understood hospitality was different than in entertainment. And she took a lot of risk.

And I just remember just admiring her, um, after the initial, like, wait a minute, everything's not what I thought it should be, you know, when you invite someone in, but to see her heart toward me was so open. And I thought, wow, I would never have, I wouldn't have seen us having that connection.

And so I would just encourage people, just ask the Lord, you'd be surprised who he brings into your life. Yep. Mm hmm. And it's so true that we can learn from people who are so different than us. Um, and I, I just started this little, the study on the body and like, I've been thinking about how God makes everyone different, but in his image.

And I feel like that's what you're describing there is the fact that everyone, there is a piece of everyone that is very much showcasing God's character. We can be diametrically different and both really highlight parts of who he is. Um, and so we have something to glean from everyone in the body of Christ.

And with that said, you know, sometimes I think it does take the vulnerability that you guys are describing and the willingness to ask questions. Um, so what are some questions as you look back over the years, you know, um, that maybe you wish you'd had the courage to ask, or you knew that you should have asked, or it could have made your path a little bit straighter.

If you'd asked this question, what are some good questions, um, that you could have asked a mentor, Shelley? Well, I, you know, after you see that thing that you're wanting to improve and get better at, the question could be targeted toward that. For instance, um, how do you find time to spend with the Lord?

Yes. You know, how do you read the Bible and how do you fit that in and how do you include your children in that? Um, a good question. I know at one point I was struggling with getting good meals, healthy meals on the table, you know, and planning ahead and, and all of that.

And so I asked a person who was good at that and I said, you know, how do you do this? And she shared a few tips with me. So meal planning, um, keeping, um, a straightened house, right? For some of us, um, we cannot have us a peaceful day unless our house is a little bit organized.

It doesn't have to be perfect, but, um, some of us have, you know, different, uh, thresholds of tolerance for, for, uh, messiness. And so asking people that are, um, I think I would have asked, look in hindsight, I would have asked things like, how do you encourage your children?

You know, things that are lasting. How do you encourage your children even when they're struggling? How do you balance, um, all the extra activities with a large family? Um, so maybe practical questions, but also some spiritually focused questions. And I think it stems from those two questions I mentioned earlier is what's going well in my homeschooling this season and what am I looking to improve?

Where is God, um, prompting me to help to improve? And then you start with that and then you start creating questions and going to people who are, are a little further down the road than you are in those things. That's great. What are some things you wish you'd been just a little bit more curious about Amy?

I think, yeah, I think very similar, uh, questions. And then, um, some questions like, what would you have changed if, if there were things in your past that, um, and your relationship with your children or the relationship with your, um, and in your marriage, um, what do you look back on and think?

I, I didn't really have the right priority there. I mean, that it doesn't mean they have to divulge things that are very private or that sort of thing, but just asking, you know, if you could have changed something, what would you have changed in your mind and heart? So that, that was, I actually had a couple of mentors that I could, I felt comfortable asking that.

And that was very helpful. Um, just the perspective that they offered me was very helpful. And then second, just being vulnerable. Like what are some things that you see in my life that you could challenge me on, you know, and hold me accountable for like, uh, scripture memory is a big, uh, my, my daughter's really helpful.

Uh, it just reminded me of just in her actions of how beautiful that is and, um, and being willing to follow their advice. I think sometimes, um, you, I, I know for myself, I might get the advice, but part of it is, is really the wise thing is to incorporate that advice.

It doesn't have to all look, you're not a cookie cutter, so we don't all look the same, but there are some elements of wisdom that is kind of the seed of, of, um, what someone is advising me to do. So really taking that in and thinking about it, but yeah, those, those are all any question.

I feel like it just opens the conversation when you have questions of people, um, are, who have walked with the Lord, uh, longer are usually very eager to share openly with you because they don't want you to do, make some of the mistakes or they do want you to see this faithfulness really works.

Um, so I think it's, um, it's a great opportunity to, to pursue for sure. Yeah. And as the mentee is the, am I using that word correctly? Yeah. As the one who is receiving the mentorship from the other person, um, it takes a lot of humility, I think. And honestly, uh, it takes a lot of humility from the person doing the mentoring.

I've never felt so old than the first time I was asked if I would mentor someone. You know, I'm in my thirties and I was thinking, didn't you mean to ask someone a little bit older? What are you talking about? But, um, it's true because if you're not willing to be vulnerable and you're not willing to be authentic, and it's not to say that you need to divulge all of the details, but the truth is that no one here is perfect, but Jesus.

And that's why we've all come to the foot of the cross. And so when we are sharing or asking the questions, we all need to apply some serious humility to the conversation. Um, and to trust the Lord for the fruit, because at the end of the day, you know, what you all said is so true.

You pray, you say, God, please provide the right person. And then the Lord needs to take those things, those seeds that they plant in your heart, and he needs to help you to make them grow. Um, in order for that conversation to be fruitful and more than just what this passage was mentioning, you know, you don't want to be a busy body.

You don't want to be a slanderer. Sometimes when you're sharing things that are happening in your life, it's, it's tempting to take it too far, but that's not his intent. He wants you to be a teacher of good things. And there's such a beautiful opportunity for the believer to do that.

Um, that said in this private public room on the podcast, would you all be willing to share maybe just a few stories or lessons that you did learn the hard way, um, that you hope you can encourage or help, help women help listeners to, to learn in a different way, maybe not take the path that you took.

Yeah. We were talking before the podcast, Amy and I, and when we, when we're asked to, um, to, you know, be on a podcast or talk about our homeschooling years, the first thing that comes to mind are the mistakes we made and how we were failures. And, and maybe that's where you learn the most is when you don't do it right.

But I think one thing that bubbles to the top for me is just don't be so busy. Um, just what, you know, do less better. And it's, it's okay if everybody doesn't do five things, um, outside the home every week, you know, it's, and it's, it can be harmful even.

So find out simple, restful, sincere, kind, um, find the three words that are going to be your keywords, your themes this season. Maybe it's a semester or a year. Talk with your husband about it. What are our goals this year, you know? And then just unbusy yourself. Um, I, I was doing way too much for way too long and it's, it's harmful on your health and maybe the relationships of your children.

So I could list many more, but that's the first one that comes to mind. What about you, Amy? Oh yeah. I, I, I agree with you. I think, um, I was thinking in terms of, um, your children. Uh, well, first of all, your marriage is so central to your family and, and I've at times, uh, not valued my marriage or my husband over the education of my children.

I'm, I'm naturally drawn to them instead of like, I really need to make that a pro my relationship with my husband a priority. Um, and so I think sometimes I've, um, kind of stolen time from him or focus from him and in, in light of like pouring it into my children and, and he's been kind enough to remind me that we need time away.

We need conversation. Um, we need to check in. And, um, so being really mindful of the relationships within my family. And then also just, uh, I guess I think of two more things, thinking of each of my children and what their needs are. Um, and just realizing that my children are not my children, that they're not to their image bearers of God.

He's, he designed them and perhaps they have a different personality or ilk than I do. And I'm not to force them into a particular way of doing things to really, um, I think of the song of Solomon, which is a little unique to think about. But one of the things that, that strikes me about that, um, book of scripture is that they carefully studied each other.

They carefully understood their love and their passions, and they pursued each other along those lines. And I think sometimes with our, our spouse, of course, that works to study and, uh, to think on, to pray about, to, um, to give, um, give time to and attention. But also that's true of our children to really think about like, okay, this particular child is very shy, you know, so am I putting pressure on them to be someone that they're not because it makes me look good?

Or am I asking this person who is really maybe very gregarious, you know, to calm down or something, you know, so just being mindful of the difference between how God has created our child and then shaping their character in their heart, but not over, um, being overbearing or shaping.

And then the third thing is, I think of, I was, uh, as I was considering this time together is that Tozer, um, I, I love reading Tozer, although he is a very convicting person at times to read. But one of the things that he said is that self sins like self-righteousness, self-pity, um, those self-sufficiency, um, all of those sins that I feel like I have to be very mindful of that scripture in Philippians said, um, like rid yourself of selfish ambition and empty conceit.

And so that idea of not serving myself and asking the Lord to really bring to mind when that subtle sin is rearing its head, you know, promoting myself perhaps above someone else, uh, stealing someone's reputation with my words, uh, through gossip or slander, um, maybe even disrespecting my husband or, or, you know, um, I think sometimes if I gathered with other moms, it was really easy to slip into feeling very, uh, self-righteous or the martyr or complaining.

And so really watching what comes out of my mouth or listening and knowing that's what's in my heart and making sure that that, that is, um, really honoring to God. So I would say that, um, there are many, many mistakes that I made of thinking and part of that self-sufficiency of just feeling like I'm the one that's holding all of this up and, you know, and that's just, that's ridiculous.

And such an offense to God that he, he was the person that was holding it all up instead of me making the perfect schedule. And like Shelly said, just being still and quiet and open to the Lord, um, will help, uh, you, uh, just, uh, help you avoid some of those, those mistakes.

And, and I think, uh, you have to do, have to go back and confess those to, um, your husband and to your children at times when you feel like you've, you've done wrong. And, and to remember that God has put you as a parent, you, you have a lot of influence and, uh, just being mindful of what we say and, and, um, and how we speak as is really important.

Um, so just trusting the Lord with that. So, yeah. Hey guys, I want to interrupt this show to tell you more about this semester sponsor, Judson college. Judson college is such a perfect fit for CC students because they align with our Christian classical and community values. So as far as being Christian is concerned, Judson college equips students to give their lives for Christ's cause, wherever he may call them, whether it's the marketplace or into official vocational ministry as a confessional institution rooted in scripture, the college is committed to providing theologically and biblically sound education, which is very important to you.

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They also grow as committed Christ followers. Find out what makes the Judson college experience different at judsoncollege.com forward slash distinctions, forward slash. Let's get back to the show. That's so good. Do less, be mindful. Those are the big themes that I'm taking away. Do less and be mindful, you know, do more with less.

Maybe we need a new t-shirt. I'd wear that one. I'd wear a hat. Do less, be mindful. I'd be mindful. I probably need to look in the mirror more. But I love what you all were mentioning. Or I think, Amy, you just mentioned it about the husbands too, because when I look at this passage, you know, that we just read at the top of the show, I notice an order in which Paul introduces the teaching of the love of family.

And it starts with the husbands. So let's dive into that a little bit more. Um, Shelley, what are, what are your thoughts and what has been your conviction over the years about why the Lord would have a start by loving our husbands? Yeah. So it reminds me of that triangle, you know, you see the husband, the wife, and God at the top.

And if that triangle is not foundational, if it's not strong, then everything under it, right? C.S. Lewis said, when you put first things first, all else falls into order. When you put second things first or fourth things first, chaos can ensue. So just, um, yeah, one of the ways I think, simple ways to honor your husband, I read an article years ago, it says 10 ways to love your husband or to communicate love to your husband.

And I've kept that. And so I go back to it. But one thing it said was to, um, uh, just to include him in the meal prep, right? What do you want to eat this week? You know, and when you're doing your menu planning and you're, you're shopping. So including him in that, um, I think one of the things I wish I'd done more and my husband, um, was a commuter.

So he would leave for DC, like at five in the morning, four in the morning, sometimes, and not get home like till six, eight o'clock at night. So I tried to, to lessen his load appropriately, probably of childcare at that time. And like, I did all the bath time and everything, but I see my daughters, um, doing that so well, like they're in daddy does bath time, you know, daddy does why she cleans up the kitchen or, or daddy, um, does the, the, the feeding time, you know, at, in the evening within the high chair and why she's, I just, uh, that sharing of responsibility.

He really wants to do what I think he just maybe needs to be shown how, you know, if he didn't grow up with a family, with younger siblings, he may not know really what, what needs done. And so including him in that, and then I, you, you, Amy alluded to this, but just being a really good listener, could I, when my husband talks to me, could I turn to him and look at him and not continue the thing that I'm in the middle of?

And could I listen and restate and treat him like he's the most important person in my life? Because he is. One of the things we did well is when daddy got home, we all were at the door greeting and celebrating and, you know, and one of, one of the moms, one of my friends, moms, one of my friends whose husband worked from home said, we miss, you guys do that so well.

We don't, we don't have an opportunity to do that because he just comes upstairs, right? But, um, celebrating dad and loving on him physically as well. So those are a few thoughts. Yeah, those are great. Yeah, exactly. Just, uh, not assuming that he wants to be involved in certain, only certain ways.

And what, and I, um, yeah, we, lots of conversations, just asking questions and listening. And I think, um, I think sometimes there, uh, our, our spouse as is a gift from the Lord and, um, and just practicing gratitude, uh, both in our prayer for our, uh, we should be, I think, uh, it's helpful to be praying for your husband and praying along.

It's, um, sometimes it's easier to pray for your, uh, kids because you're like, help me not kill them. Give me patience. But, um, to, instead to really be thinking about that's in terms of my children, but to be thinking about how how can I pray for my, my husband and, um, and I think starting with gratitude, what are the ways that, um, you know, he, how he works are, um, hard to provide for us or, um, how he's willing to jump in and, and do things that maybe are more difficult things that I, uh, would prefer not to do how he cares, um, for me and for my children or our children.

So I think that idea of gratitude and just having conversations, being available. One of the things I realized when I was raising, we have three sons and I realized pretty early that my sons were not going to vie for competition. Like if I felt distracted or I was, you know, speaking with someone else, they weren't going to just, you know, come in and demand a conversation that they, they would just be quiet.

And I think that, um, that sometimes I didn't recognize those opportunities like, oh, I should have put something down. The laundry should have been put down. The phone should have been put away. The computer should have been closed. And I give my full attention to, uh, what my husband is saying and remembering how was, you said this was going to be a difficult day.

How did that turn out? And, um, and also, um, for, for me, I, I kind of was the, um, calendar keeper of our home. And so making sure that I didn't fill up every minute of the day with things for the children and had nothing left over. By the time he got home, I was, um, you know, it was completely depleted or I didn't, I didn't plan for time away.

Sometimes just scheduling like, Hey, I I've got us some, you know, we're going to go out to Wendy's and have a frosty. Um, I've got a babysitter. It doesn't have to be expensive, but just knowing that I've put that as a priority is I wish I'd done that more, but I, I, the fruit of it is definitely, um, it just builds your marriage and, and you want to build, I tell people you're not building a, a, a house, you're building a cathedral, you're building a heritage.

And so you want that kind of trust to be built. And so you have to be intentional about it. Um, uh, for sure. So, yeah, that's such great vision. And I mean, I'm hearing echoes of the fact too, that as homeschooling parents, you can bring him into that too.

Um, you know, he probably does. I've been, I've been amazed at the difference between the way that my little boy receives certain thoughts from his father versus his mother. And I know that you all know, this is just a tried and true thing, but sometimes that other voice, you know, and, and you did, you did your job is not to say that I shouldn't have done the ABCs and whatever way I was doing it in the morning.

But then when daddy comes in at the end of the day and he spends 30 seconds on the sound, suddenly it clicks, you know, and he needed me to lay that foundation. It's not that I wasted my time, but I'm just saying the, the role of a father and the role of your husband in the life of your family and in your life, it cannot be, it cannot be overvalued.

It cannot, it really can't. And there's a lot of research on that guys as well. So if you are ever needing to take your thoughts captive and send them in an extremely productive direction, I would encourage you to do some research on the effect, um, and the lasting effect in this cathedral of the presence of a father in a child's life, it is incredible.

And when I think about that in the light of our heavenly father, it's just beautiful to me. Um, go ahead on that, on that note, you know, for our listeners who may not have a husband or a father in the home, we have a heavenly father. You just said it to lease, you know, and find that Christian male mentor that can come and support you and be a part.

My, my sister's husband died, um, very young. And so that's what she did. And she would, um, she found godly male mentors and to help her son to grow into a godly man. And it's, it can be done. And the Lord fills in the gaps. Yes. Right. So, um, it's a beautiful, beautiful thing to encourage that male presence in our children.

Yes. Yes. Thank you for bringing that in. Absolutely. Well, I would love to hear. So Paul starts with the husbands and then he says, teach them to love their kids. So I would love to hear your thoughts. Maybe it's just some rapid fire ways. How, how did you practically speak your children's love languages?

Cause we've got, I believe it's eight children represented in the room, you know, well, nine, if you count 10, if you count the one in my bio. So, um, what were some ways that the Lord really helped you to just practically help your children feel loved? Well, I guess we should start by saying, you know, honor your children, respect your children.

We've all been in the grocery store and that tired mom is, you know, has, is dealing with her children like they are. And this is what the world thinks they are a hassle that they are ruining her life. Right. And we know that that's not true. We all feel that way sometimes.

And there's grace for that. But, um, first of all, you said it before, they're sisters in Christ. These are brothers in Christ that you're able to, to mentor and have a part of your life for, you know, at least 18, 20 years, and then beyond. So start there and be a student of your child.

What, what makes them happy? What makes some, sometimes I wish I'd, we're doing so many surveys, you know, now, and you know, what do you, what's going well? And, uh, what would, uh, you know, these promoter scores, you know, would you recommend me as a mom to anybody? Sometimes I wish I'd done some surveys about, um, what do you see six year old or 10 year old or 14 year old?

What would you like to do more of? And what is hardship for you? Obviously you can't feed into everything, but I did buy this book once to read for myself. It's called a hundred ways to show, to show love to your child. And our, one of our oldest was a very early reader.

So here she is a four years old reading this book and she's circling the things that she wants mommy to do. Isn't that awesome? So being a student of your child, and you know, we said it before seeing which ones like to go, go, go and helping them temper that.

And then the one that likes to stay in the stress by go, go, going. And so not maybe bringing her along every time. So, um, you know, loving your children. I know some of my children really like just to spend time with me, invite them into the kitchen when I'm meal prep.

Others really liked words of affirmation. And so I would look for things at one point. I even kept a calendar. Am I encouraging with my words other, you know, enough, um, others liked gifts, you know, so just surprising them with certain things. So I guess becoming a student of your children and learning what really blesses them.

Yeah. I think that's that. Yes. Um, I think those are exactly right. That's what I would say. And when I think of what my husband does really beautifully is just words of affirmation. He just is so good at saying, you know, like I, and these particular ways I see how God is working and, um, and that idea of blessing your children, just being very, um, sometimes it embarrasses them.

He is, he usually does a, well, he always does a poem for each of their birthdays. And, and it just, it's, it's just beautiful. Like the, what their year has been like and how he's seen God work. And, you know, they can be like, well, you know, but it really means something to, to have a parent speak over you a blessing and to see to, I think of it calling out the qualities that you see God has put in them.

They may not be mature yet. You know, um, they, of course not, neither are mine, but to see that these seeds that God has planted in their heart and mind and affirming that. And then, and I found that, um, speaking in two ways, asking forgiveness, when, uh, I've made a mistake, I've misspoken, I've misrepresented them.

I've, um, I've said something harsh and unkind, um, to be quick to seek forgiveness and, um, and reconciliation with them. And I think that's, that's really important, um, as a, as a parent, you know, and, um, and I think also just helping your child, uh, recognize that, um, that you have a lot of confidence in them.

I remember one of my, um, my son-in-law, he was, um, dating my daughter and, and I spoke to his mother for the first time and I was trying to read it because he was living on this side of the country. They were on the other side of the country and that didn't know Mary Claire very well.

But I remember just saying to her, like, I, we're so excited for them and affirming. And she was so, so dear. I've never heard. She said, well, I have very much confidence in him as a, as a believer. I've seen his wisdom and I, I'm confident that he's, he's on this journey.

It wasn't prideful, but it was so great to hear, um, to say, I have confidence in this person. And I think sometimes for us to, to, it's so easy to correct and modify and shed, you know, we're always seeing that little tweak, but sometimes just flat out saying, you know, I'm really confident that you're going to be in good shape here.

You're going to make a good decision. So I can, I rest in that. I thought that was brilliant. And, and I've really, uh, thought to, of how to apply that in my own speaking, especially as your children get older and they're, um, they're trying things out to, to just give them that reassurance that you trust their judgment.

So that's beautiful. There's so there is power in the tongue, the power of life in the tongue, speaking life is so important. And as we bring this conversation to a close, I wonder if you all would take some time to speak life into our listeners who are finding themselves in that new season of, of being the mentor, um, what are some ways they can serve?

What are some things that you know that they need to hear right now? Yeah. So for, for a mom who's maybe done homeschooling and her, she has adult children, maybe they're still living at home. Maybe they're moving away. There can be a loneliness and unexpected loneliness. You've been running hard for a few years, for many years, maybe.

And now you're like, who am I? Because I'm not a mom that's asked a million questions every day anymore. And so resting, taking some time to rest. We were talking it before the podcast about a loaf of bread and how you need that dough. And then you let it rest.

Right. And you let God do what he's going to do with those chemicals, you know, and it, it rises up before it's ready to go and serve again, to be served. And so allowing yourself some time to rest and just seek, you know what, it's okay to not be needed every single day.

Yes. And that's a hard thing to learn as a mom because you've been so needed and, and, um, so letting resting in the Lord and asking him for direction. But when you're ready to serve, there's many ways to serve. One of my friends just volunteers on the phones at her local pregnancy center.

Right. Um, one just helps at church, you know, half a day a week or something. Um, you know, one of my, um, friends, she helps with the mothers of preschoolers. So she watches the children, right? Or there's nursery at church. So those tired moms can have a time in the word.

Um, just look for ways God will show you ways to quietly serve and, and it will be a blessing to you, but it will really be a blessing to others as well. Yes. Yeah. It, it, there is, I'm glad you spoke to that, Shelley, because, um, um, um, at this stage of our life, when that last one does go, it's the, um, the house gets a lot quieter and you start feeling, um, very, um, uh, not needed or, um, a bit off kilter, like, Oh no, all the, all the, um, things that were keeping me preoccupied now aren't.

And I think that rest is, um, that rest is, is God designed. So to receive that as a gift from the Lord and not try to fill it up with things that make you feel, um, busy and affirming, uh, and relevant, you are relevant because that's who you are.

You are in Christ. He's made you relevant. So I think revisiting the truths that God of who you are in Christ, it's just a wonderful time to, um, reflect, read, um, um, do some serious scripture study. Um, it's, it's a time that you can start seeing, um, some of the aspects of scripture that you, you may have missed, you know, sometimes we read scripture in light of some other person, you know, in light of this person or in light of this circumstance.

And instead of reading it to be filled for yourself, um, one of the big things I think, um, is prayer. I really think that, um, um, we can overlook that as an, as a work, but I, I have just, um, more recently seen just how vital that is to be praying actively for our children, our grandchildren, our neighborhood, other home, other homeschool and moms, other children in your area, whether they're homeschooled or not.

Um, really being deliberate and, and bringing them before the throne, uh, looking for opportunities with people that don't know the Lord, um, to, you know, be hospitable, invite people into your home. This is a great, we don't do that much anymore. Um, uh, in, as a culture, you know, we, we go out or we do this, but I would say that, um, my husband teaches at a small Christian school.

And so we've had students in and there's no better person to, to cook for than a college student. They love anything you fix. So don't worry if you're not a good cook because they'll eat anything just because it's homemade, but we've had some really life-changing conversations around the table, just relaxed conversations, um, where people just start opening up, sharing about their life.

So hospitality, um, you may think, oh no, you know, I don't cook well, or I don't do this, or it doesn't really matter, but just being willing to open your home is, is a great opportunity. And then there's, of course, if you do, there's a CC community. I asked the director like, Hey, um, is there something you need?

Are there errands to run? Can I pray? How can I pray for you? Can I show up in the nursery? I would caution against like jumping in and taking leadership. I think that it's lovely when a community has their own beautiful leadership and that you undergird it with, uh, doing those jobs.

Sometimes that other people, uh, they don't have enough hands for the nursery. Uh, so those would be some opportunities for that. Yeah. There are lots of them. You just have to be open and, and waiting, wait, wait, wait on the Lord. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So many good ideas. There are so many good ideas and the Lord has a purpose for you.

And I think, I think that's really the takeaway that I want to capture for everyone. The Lord has a purpose for you. If you were here, you were here on purpose. Um, and so just be willing and open and listening because he's going to show you what that is.

And, and it could be that he shows you in retrospect and you're just doing your thing. And then he has you look over your shoulder and he says, did you see how I used to do X? And that is enough to, um, because all the glory is his. So listeners, thank you for coming on this journey, ladies.

Thank you for sharing. Um, and we hope that this show encouraged you, we hope that you would take the time right now to think of maybe two moms who either need a mentor or can be a mentor because there's space for us all to do both. Um, and send the show to them.

We'd love to hear from you over on social media. Everyday Educator is on social media. And a large reason why we're there is so that you can tell us what you need and how we can serve. And we can help you to capture some of these ideas and to share them with your friends, to encourage you to continue to be an everyday educator.

And, and that, that goes from the moment that you wake up to the moment you go to sleep. If you're a mom, if you're a dad, everything that you're doing is, is telling a story and teaching your children something. So thank you all for listening. And we hope to see you very soon.

Thank you.