How to Raise Children in a Pornographic Culture

00:00:00.000 | Well, digital pornography is ubiquitous.

00:00:07.200 | So how do we prepare our sons and daughters to win the war against the porn culture all

00:00:11.800 | around them?

00:00:12.800 | It's a great question from a mom named Molly.

00:00:15.160 | Pastor John, thanks for this podcast and all the times you address parenting.

00:00:19.540 | My question for you is this, what is the best way to prepare our children to go out on their

00:00:24.520 | own in our pornified culture?

00:00:27.400 | I have two young boys and seeing so many good, godly men fall victim to various kinds of

00:00:32.280 | lust makes me deeply sad to think about my own boys becoming more aware.

00:00:36.640 | I know at the end of the day the Lord is sovereign, but is there anything specifically I and my

00:00:40.720 | husband can do now to help them to see what is truly valuable and to prepare them for

00:00:46.520 | these digital temptations ahead?

00:00:49.080 | Well, I doubt that I have any greater wisdom here than Molly and her husband do, but I'll

00:00:55.200 | give a list of things that they can at least compare their list to and see if there might

00:01:01.040 | be one or two things that they haven't thought of that might be helpful.

00:01:06.080 | And of course, I want to make clear that when you make a list like this, each one of these

00:01:11.520 | is a reality.

00:01:12.520 | It's a massive reality.

00:01:14.920 | It's not just, oh, here's another thing on the list to tick off.

00:01:20.680 | So I hope we're all aware that even though I'll go through these pretty quickly, every

00:01:25.640 | one of them is a work of the spirit that needs our whole heart.

00:01:31.080 | There's no guarantee that our children will turn out to be believers or walk in the ways

00:01:38.580 | that we want them to.

00:01:40.640 | But I do phrase the question like this.

00:01:44.160 | Why do some children trust dad and mom and their way and want to conform their lives

00:01:52.040 | to the vision of their parents and then make it their own someday?

00:01:56.320 | And other children, almost from the beginning, seem to treat their parents as if they're

00:02:01.720 | foolish or unwise or unworthy of trust, always pushing against and pushing against instead

00:02:08.560 | of saying, well, of course, mom and dad know best.

00:02:10.560 | They're older than I am.

00:02:11.560 | And they've been around the block a few times.

00:02:13.480 | And why is that?

00:02:15.320 | Why do some children, even in the same family, do that?

00:02:19.400 | So what we want is strategies that God might be pleased to use to create in our children

00:02:27.360 | a deep personal trust in us as parents at first, and then through us, finally, a trust

00:02:35.840 | in the true and living God as our children experience their faith as completely their

00:02:42.480 | own.

00:02:43.480 | So let's keep that in mind.

00:02:44.840 | This is there's no guarantee here.

00:02:47.240 | Children in the same family treated the same way can be resistant or compliant.

00:02:53.520 | And our goal is not external conformity to rules.

00:02:58.040 | It's inward love for God and his way.

00:03:02.400 | So here's my list.

00:03:03.720 | One, children need a humble heart in order to comply with mom and dad and with the scripture.

00:03:09.400 | So pray earnestly that they would be humble under the mighty hand of God.

00:03:14.160 | God would give them the gift of deep humility.

00:03:18.360 | Number two, seek to be utterly authentic in your own love for Christ and your own joy

00:03:25.200 | in him and your own delight in his ways.

00:03:29.040 | You can't force upon a child satisfaction in a God that does not look as if he's satisfying

00:03:37.200 | mom and dad.

00:03:39.560 | Three, saturate your family with scripture, morning, noon and night.

00:03:45.980 | Talk of it when you get up, when you go to the meals, when you're riding in the car,

00:03:50.120 | talk of the word of God and seek to help your children treat the Bible as the absolute authority

00:03:57.880 | in your life.

00:04:00.680 | Pray that the children will grow up believing that this book is the highest authority in

00:04:07.440 | the universe under God.

00:04:10.120 | Number four, highlight in the Bible the superior joy that comes from knowing Christ rather

00:04:19.840 | than all the forms of sin they might pursue.

00:04:22.820 | Make this a recurrent theme in all your teaching.

00:04:26.880 | Even Paul in saying that you count everything as lost because of the surpassing value of

00:04:35.320 | knowing Christ Jesus.

00:04:37.420 | Help them flesh that out and see that's why we're going to obey.

00:04:42.560 | There's a better, more joyful, more lasting, more satisfying way with God than with sin.

00:04:50.480 | Five, tell stories again and again from the Bible, from society, from history, from missions

00:04:57.200 | about young people, young men, young women who did amazingly sacrificial things for the

00:05:04.120 | joy that was set before them in God.

00:05:08.640 | In the end, most of our children grow up craving significance as much as they crave other things

00:05:15.000 | and they need to know where do you find real significance, doing something that really

00:05:20.360 | counts with your life.

00:05:22.360 | And those stories, Daniel, David, Timothy, and then missionary stories and military stories

00:05:28.400 | from World War I and II and the Civil War, just different things like that where our

00:05:33.600 | children will hear stories of young people who did amazing acts of bravery.

00:05:40.480 | Number six, make the gospel the constant refrain of all of our teaching.

00:05:46.400 | I mean, keep in front of the children that Christ died for sinners and that he provides

00:05:54.640 | a way of preserving and restoring fellowship with himself when we have failed.

00:06:02.640 | All children fail.

00:06:04.760 | They all do bad things.

00:06:07.660 | Their conscience bothers them.

00:06:10.380 | They know they are sinners.

00:06:12.080 | They need to be reminded again and again about the gospel way of handling failure and sin,

00:06:19.320 | not the world's way.

00:06:21.000 | Otherwise they're going to become secretive and hide their sins because they don't know

00:06:27.520 | how to settle them with God, let alone with their parents.

00:06:31.560 | But if the parents are constantly holding out the gospel way of dealing with failure,

00:06:37.480 | then they might keep their children from going underground with regard to their sins.

00:06:44.760 | Number seven, don't assume that all is well in their hearts.

00:06:50.640 | Probe.

00:06:52.320 | Ask more than the brief, "How are you doing?"

00:06:56.080 | question.

00:06:57.080 | Get alone with them in the seclusion of a bedroom or in the car or a restaurant where

00:07:03.600 | just you and that one child go.

00:07:06.920 | Dig into their hearts, their feelings, their fears, their hope, the challenges they feel

00:07:12.320 | at school and with their other siblings.

00:07:15.320 | And don't settle for a glib, superficial one-word answer.

00:07:20.000 | Tell them stories about your own feelings as a child, your own failures and sins and

00:07:24.680 | struggles so that they'll be open that way.

00:07:28.080 | Few things, I think, soften a child and give them hope than to know mom and dad are not

00:07:33.480 | infallible.

00:07:34.480 | Number eight, help your children find good Christian, godly friends.

00:07:43.120 | The Bible says that bad company corrupts good morals in 1 Corinthians 15.

00:07:48.000 | Of course, we want our children to grow up and be good evangelists someday among unbelievers,

00:07:53.600 | but it's a mistake to think that finding their closest friends among unbelievers is a good

00:08:01.480 | preparation for young minds.

00:08:04.080 | There's a difference between loving unbelievers and loving what they love.

00:08:10.240 | And for young, impressionable minds, the methods of spiritual warfare against the powers of

00:08:16.680 | darkness are not yet in full force.

00:08:21.400 | Number nine, be sure, if you can, that your children have a good church where they're

00:08:27.280 | forming the habits of corporate worship and discipleship.

00:08:30.920 | Let them see you, mom and dad, love your church and worship and sing and pray and become active

00:08:40.100 | church men and women.

00:08:41.640 | That's what you want them to be.

00:08:42.860 | They need to see that.

00:08:44.720 | Number 10, establish in your home protections on all your electronic devices so that the

00:08:52.600 | child is subject to the same scrutiny as mom and dad are, or vice versa, mom and dad are

00:08:59.040 | to the child.

00:09:00.520 | Don't treat them as untrustworthy while you pretend to be above scrutiny.

00:09:06.520 | Let them know that the whole family regards the dangers of pornography and its easy accessibility,

00:09:13.200 | as well as other superficial distractions.

00:09:16.520 | Let them know that mom and dad share in the same concern, the same burden, the same susceptibility

00:09:23.200 | and the same accountability.

00:09:25.300 | And finally, number 11, I would suggest that mom and dad form a relationship with one or

00:09:32.720 | two other couples to form a plan to fast and pray together, say once a week or so, where

00:09:40.720 | you skip a lunch, show up, pray for 30 minutes just for your children, each other's children,

00:09:47.400 | that God would exert supernatural power to work in your children all the dreams you have

00:09:53.600 | for their godliness.

00:09:54.600 | And I'm sure there are other important things that I haven't said, but I'll mention these,

00:10:00.520 | these 11 in the hope that they might stimulate our friends to, Molly, to go deeper and seek

00:10:09.080 | her own way with her kids.

00:10:11.320 | That's gold Pastor John, thank you.

00:10:13.240 | And this episode reminds me of episode 948, how do we prepare our kids for suffering?

00:10:19.960 | It's a different topic, but a similar model here of counsel to parents on parenting.

00:10:25.640 | Episode 948, how do we prepare our kids for suffering?

00:10:29.720 | Over at our online home, you can explore all 1250 of those past episodes.

00:10:33.720 | You can scan a list of our most popular ones, read full transcripts, even send us a question

00:10:37.120 | of your own, and there you can also find episode number 948.

00:10:41.000 | Go to desiringgod.org/askpastorjohn.

00:10:45.560 | And to get new episodes delivered to you three times per week, subscribe to the Ask Pastor

00:10:48.440 | John podcast in your favorite podcast app.

00:10:51.040 | Well, should we raise our hands during musical worship or should we keep them safely in our

00:10:56.720 | pockets?

00:10:57.720 | It's a great question with a surprising twist of an answer really, and that's when we return

00:11:02.400 | on Monday.

00:11:03.400 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke, sorry to leave you in suspense, but have a great weekend

00:11:07.600 | and we'll see you then.

00:11:08.400 | [Music]

00:11:09.400 | [End of Audio]

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How to Raise Children in a Pornographic Culture

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