My Child’s Greatest Need
00:00:00.000 | (upbeat music)
00:00:02.580 | - Welcome back to the Ask Pastor John podcast.
00:00:07.480 | This week we welcome author and speaker,
00:00:09.800 | Dr. Paul David Tripp.
00:00:11.840 | Most recently, Paul is the author of the book,
00:00:14.280 | "Awe, Why It Matters for Everything We Think, Say, and Do."
00:00:19.280 | And to prove it, this week we're talking about
00:00:22.000 | how awe matters for our spiritual growth,
00:00:24.240 | our Bible intake, our ministry aims,
00:00:27.080 | and even our news consumption, our weight loss attempts,
00:00:29.840 | our anxieties, our parenting methods,
00:00:32.400 | and our expectations of marriage and romantic love,
00:00:35.720 | all of that.
00:00:36.800 | And today I wanna talk about parenting, Paul,
00:00:38.880 | because you mentioned parenting in the book,
00:00:42.440 | and you're finishing up another full book on parenting too.
00:00:46.860 | So explain for us why you're writing another parenting book.
00:00:51.720 | - Well, frankly, the thing that initiated the book
00:00:56.720 | was Crossway came and asked me if I'd be interested
00:00:59.720 | in doing a parenting book,
00:01:00.560 | and I had no interest in that at all.
00:01:02.840 | But I began to reflect on conversations I've had
00:01:05.640 | over the years with people who have read my brother,
00:01:09.800 | Ted's book, "Shepherding Child's Heart,"
00:01:11.520 | has read my book, "Age of Opportunity"
00:01:13.940 | about parenting teens.
00:01:16.040 | I've been concerned about the way those books
00:01:18.920 | are used by parents.
00:01:21.840 | And I thought as well meaning those parents are,
00:01:25.200 | the thing that was missing was the understanding
00:01:28.580 | of the gospel underpinnings of those books.
00:01:32.220 | And so this new parenting book basically
00:01:35.520 | is 15 gospel principles that begin every chapter,
00:01:40.180 | and then those gospel principles are applied
00:01:43.600 | to the process of parenting.
00:01:46.060 | I think it's a way of looking at parenting
00:01:50.240 | through the lens of the gospel of Jesus Christ
00:01:53.000 | in a very practical way.
00:01:55.160 | - Interesting.
00:01:57.200 | It dawns on me now that what awes my kids
00:02:01.380 | and what awes me are often very different things,
00:02:05.740 | different foods and music styles and movies.
00:02:09.940 | How does awe inform my work as a dad
00:02:13.540 | and our work as parents?
00:02:15.700 | - Well, one of the things you have to realize
00:02:17.380 | is you're never just dealing with behavior problems
00:02:22.380 | in your children.
00:02:24.100 | You're always also dealing with heart problems.
00:02:27.760 | And the central focus of heart problems
00:02:32.760 | is this issue of awe.
00:02:34.800 | You have to look at your child and you have to think
00:02:38.480 | that this child was designed by God for awe.
00:02:43.480 | What that means is the awe of something
00:02:48.040 | will capture his heart.
00:02:49.760 | And what captures his heart will control his behavior.
00:02:53.560 | Let me give an example.
00:02:55.060 | Young children are naturally in awe of themselves,
00:02:59.740 | inserting themselves in the center of the world,
00:03:02.180 | making it all about them.
00:03:03.900 | So that battle about what to eat,
00:03:08.560 | I won't eat my peas, is not because I've studied diet
00:03:12.640 | and I realize that peas don't need to be part of my diet.
00:03:15.960 | It's not about diet at all.
00:03:17.260 | It's about awe.
00:03:19.100 | If I'm in awe of myself, then I do not want to be ruled.
00:03:22.620 | I do not want to be told what to do.
00:03:24.640 | You will not tell me what to put in my mouth.
00:03:28.180 | Now to treat that just as a diet issue
00:03:30.840 | sort of misses the point of what's really initiating that
00:03:34.420 | or when to go to sleep or what's appropriate to wear where
00:03:38.680 | or who my friends should be
00:03:40.360 | or what I should watch on television
00:03:41.960 | or look at on my computer.
00:03:43.520 | All of those are subsets of a different issue
00:03:48.520 | that if I'm in awe amnesiac,
00:03:52.340 | I think the universe is about me
00:03:55.500 | and I should be able to control and dictate
00:03:59.100 | what I want to do, how I want to do it
00:04:01.640 | and when I want to do it.
00:04:04.060 | So what I want to do is expose my children
00:04:09.340 | to one who is greater,
00:04:11.260 | to use every tool that's available to me
00:04:15.820 | to blow them away with the stunning glory of God.
00:04:21.820 | Now God's helped us because he's made a world
00:04:25.020 | that reveals him so it's not unnatural
00:04:28.660 | to talk about God all the time.
00:04:30.660 | It's positively unnatural not to.
00:04:34.180 | Here's where all this goes.
00:04:37.380 | It's not enough just to fight the battle of behavior.
00:04:41.180 | You have to fight the battle of awe
00:04:43.940 | on behalf of your children as well.
00:04:46.200 | - Yeah, this is so huge.
00:04:47.700 | So if I understand your concern,
00:04:50.340 | rule-centered prohibition parenting cannot do this
00:04:53.660 | but how do rules and awe work together?
00:04:58.540 | - So children need authority in their lives.
00:05:01.620 | They need their lives to be directed by God's law.
00:05:05.860 | God's law is a good thing.
00:05:07.820 | The thing that you need to realize is all reveals sin,
00:05:12.820 | all gives me a guide for my living
00:05:15.940 | but law can never rescue my heart.
00:05:20.620 | And so as I'm laying out reasonable rules for my children
00:05:26.700 | that are an extension of God's revealed law in scripture,
00:05:34.300 | I want to also introduce them to the amazing wisdom,
00:05:39.300 | the amazing love, the amazing grace,
00:05:44.120 | the presence and power of the one
00:05:46.900 | who is the giver of that law
00:05:49.580 | because what law is meant to do
00:05:53.300 | like everything else that God gives us is drive us to Him.
00:05:57.220 | And so wouldn't it be sad to divorce God from his law
00:06:02.220 | and to make it a moral standard
00:06:04.620 | that has no redeemer behind it?
00:06:07.220 | That's not biblical Christianity.
00:06:09.340 | That's not a biblical view of life.
00:06:11.300 | And so I want to use every moment of rule introduction,
00:06:16.300 | every moment of correction, every moment of discipline
00:06:21.600 | to point back to this amazing God who is wiser than we are,
00:06:26.600 | who knows what's best for us and in love reveal that to us.
00:06:31.760 | - Well, it sounds like your new book is gonna be a great one.
00:06:34.360 | When is your new parenting book out?
00:06:36.480 | - I have no idea.
00:06:37.620 | [laughing]
00:06:38.640 | - Okay, we'll be looking for it.
00:06:41.540 | Be watching for Paul Tripp's new book
00:06:43.900 | on parenting from Crossway,
00:06:45.060 | released sometime in 2016.
00:06:48.860 | The title, at least I do know,
00:06:50.460 | it's "Parenting, the 15 Gospel Principles
00:06:54.060 | that Can Radically Change Your Family."
00:06:56.760 | I am really looking forward to it.
00:06:58.420 | And Paul joins us again tomorrow
00:07:00.580 | and we will look at all as it relates
00:07:02.580 | to marriage and romantic love.
00:07:05.760 | I'm your host, Tony Reinke.
00:07:06.680 | We'll see you then.
00:07:07.620 | [upbeat music]
00:07:10.200 | [upbeat music]
00:07:12.780 | [BLANK_AUDIO]