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00:00:00.000 | I am James Hong and welcome to the Surpassing Value Podcast.
00:00:15.620 | The fuel and desire for this podcast was born out of a compulsion to flesh out what's
00:00:19.740 | been going on in the midst of an ocean of megaphones that may not actually withstand
00:00:24.600 | the test of scrutiny.
00:00:26.620 | As a signpost theologian, I will do my best to filter out the impurities and point people
00:00:32.320 | in the right direction.
00:00:40.440 | In this bonus episode, I asked a brother of mine if he'd be willing to sit down with
00:00:46.060 | me to hash out some recent events that occurred in his life.
00:00:50.200 | This brother's name is Chris Fongrey, which is why the title of this episode is called
00:00:54.660 | "On Dewey Po Fongrey."
00:00:57.940 | Dewey passed away this year due to COVID and this interview is my brother Chris's retelling
00:01:03.280 | of the events before and after, but it's more than just a narration.
00:01:09.620 | It's a retelling of God's grace and goodness, not only in Chris's life, but of all the members
00:01:15.780 | of Dewey's family.
00:01:16.960 | Quick note here, nothing said in this episode should be extrapolated as an extension of
00:01:23.300 | some opinion about COVID one way or another.
00:01:26.580 | I've already done that many times, particularly in some of my recent Facebook posts.
00:01:33.060 | This story is meant solely as a means to bless the here.
00:01:37.860 | So Chris and I hope it will do just that.
00:01:41.660 | Listen and enjoy.
00:01:47.700 | All right.
00:01:48.700 | So as stated in this bonus episode, I'm going to be talking to my brother, Chris.
00:01:54.940 | Chris and I have been attending the same church for quite a bit of time now.
00:02:00.540 | He's a dear brother to me.
00:02:04.340 | When he came back from the Philippines, we had a chance to talk and as he was just kind
00:02:10.660 | of sharing with me what he's been through, some of the insights that God was revealing
00:02:18.180 | to him and giving to him, I was moved.
00:02:21.900 | I was incredibly moved.
00:02:23.140 | I was incredibly blessed.
00:02:26.700 | So I kind of want to share that.
00:02:28.820 | I invited Chris to be interviewed on this episode to kind of share what he shared with
00:02:35.980 | me.
00:02:36.980 | So with that said, I know that there's a handful of you who listen to this podcast who don't
00:02:43.820 | attend Berean Community Church.
00:02:45.220 | So I asked Chris, before he shares, if he can kind of just share who he is, a little
00:02:50.660 | bit about his life to put everything into context.
00:02:53.560 | So Chris, if you can kind of say hi and just share a little bit about yourself.
00:02:57.100 | Hi, everyone.
00:02:58.820 | My name is Chris Fongrey.
00:03:01.420 | I have been coming to Berean Community Church since 2009.
00:03:07.100 | I was born and raised actually in the Philippines and I've lived there for 18 years, moved to
00:03:12.380 | America at age 18.
00:03:16.260 | And I'm currently married, happily married, and with one beautiful daughter and here we
00:03:23.960 | are.
00:03:24.960 | Yeah.
00:03:25.960 | Yeah.
00:03:26.960 | You know, when Chris first came to church, I remember Chris because he was good at like
00:03:35.920 | so many different things and he was really good at so many different things.
00:03:39.660 | He was really good at pool.
00:03:42.140 | He got really good at basketball.
00:03:44.060 | And so he's the type of guy that you meet, you would find extremely interesting because
00:03:51.020 | not only because of his life, but because he has all these little things, little traits
00:03:55.500 | and little hobbies that he's really good at.
00:03:58.700 | But that's the thing that initially stuck out to me.
00:04:01.480 | And then as I got to know Chris, I got to know a brother who really loved the Lord and
00:04:07.660 | what was really cool was to see him and his wife Susan date and then get married.
00:04:15.780 | And you know, they've been and now they have a daughter Emery and the Fongre family has
00:04:21.540 | been a huge blessing, both individually before they got married and now obviously as a family,
00:04:29.940 | they've been a huge blessing to our church.
00:04:32.220 | So I did want to say that.
00:04:34.100 | But going into the kind of the meat of our episode here, you know, Chris, this year hasn't
00:04:42.500 | been the easiest of years.
00:04:45.620 | I think that, you know, with the advent of COVID, there's been a lot of different effects
00:04:56.500 | it's had on different people, but also the effect it's had on families, churches, societies
00:05:05.340 | and nations.
00:05:06.900 | And for you, it did affect you in a certain way.
00:05:12.340 | And that's why we're here talking about that.
00:05:16.300 | But I want to kind of go back, Chris, and I want to go back and I want you to start
00:05:22.620 | tell us a little bit about your family dynamics and break that down for us because that's
00:05:27.820 | going to be relevant for this interview.
00:05:29.900 | Yeah, so I did mention earlier, I was born and raised in the Philippines, I was raised
00:05:38.100 | in a home that doesn't really believe in God.
00:05:42.640 | My mom and dad has had marital issues all throughout my existence.
00:05:49.700 | So you know, my mom has mentioned that, you know, they've been quarreling ever since they've
00:05:55.420 | been dating or even before they got married.
00:05:58.380 | Well, with that said, I grew up in a very turbulent home.
00:06:04.300 | There's a lot of, I would say, painful memories, a lot of fights, a lot of moving around, a
00:06:12.780 | lot of moving houses, and, you know, holidays broken.
00:06:19.140 | And those, I would say those painful times do have an effect with my younger brother
00:06:28.620 | and I.
00:06:29.620 | So we can honestly say like, you know, we've we both had a rough childhood because of the
00:06:35.420 | marital issues that my parents had.
00:06:38.780 | With that said, when I turned 18, my parents did, or my mom did want me to study in the
00:06:47.500 | US for hopes of a better, you know, just future.
00:06:51.520 | So our family was already kind of shaky, but now you add in distance.
00:06:56.980 | So now I live far from my mom, I live far from my dad, and I live far from my younger
00:07:03.540 | brother.
00:07:04.540 | So my mom, my mom and dad still resided in the Philippines, and my younger brother recently
00:07:09.720 | moved to Thailand.
00:07:11.080 | So I think, I think not only was all our relationships not very, not very stable, or we're not exactly
00:07:22.680 | very close, then you add in, you know, the physical distance as well.
00:07:27.920 | Yeah, yeah.
00:07:30.760 | So so, you know, I want to talk about with that with that understanding, I kind of want
00:07:36.920 | to talk about what happened with your dad.
00:07:43.280 | This year, you received news that your dad had COVID, right?
00:07:48.400 | And we'll kind of take it from there.
00:07:50.680 | When did you find out?
00:07:51.900 | How did you find out?
00:07:53.400 | And what were your thoughts at the time?
00:07:56.400 | So my dad initially shared with me that he he wasn't feeling very well.
00:08:01.120 | And like any other day, I, I treat it as like, maybe he just has a cold or cough or fever,
00:08:08.820 | or just any other sickness that was around early September.
00:08:14.800 | And my dad is a very, like strong, happy go lucky guy.
00:08:20.160 | So he also did not treat it as like anything serious at that moment.
00:08:24.760 | So, you know, in in no instance, shape, way or form did I did I ever think that, you know,
00:08:31.480 | it's going to be something very serious from the beginning.
00:08:35.240 | And then it continued to progress, right?
00:08:38.920 | The complications continue to progress.
00:08:40.600 | Yeah, it did continue to progress.
00:08:42.800 | A few days later, he, you know, they shared that he's going to be taken to the hospital
00:08:48.600 | and just be given like supplementary oxygen treatment, which at that time, it didn't seem
00:08:54.360 | it still didn't seem that serious.
00:08:58.100 | But by the same time, I did get news that in the COVID in Philippines was was very,
00:09:04.080 | very serious.
00:09:05.080 | At that moment, it was very prevalent.
00:09:07.480 | About 25 to 30% of people that that get tested test positive for COVID.
00:09:14.480 | So we do know that this is, you know, this is rampant and very, very starting to be very
00:09:19.600 | widespread over there.
00:09:21.080 | Yeah, yeah.
00:09:22.080 | And, you know, your is your dad a smoker?
00:09:25.880 | Or is he?
00:09:27.320 | Yeah, so one of the few things that my dad really has going against him is my dad doesn't
00:09:35.080 | really exercise.
00:09:36.800 | My dad is a chain smoker, he had diabetes, he had very high cholesterol, he had high
00:09:41.860 | blood pressure.
00:09:43.400 | So I'm, you know, looking back after what happened to my dad, those things were extremely
00:09:49.880 | clear now on why COVID really ravaged his health really quickly.
00:09:56.480 | But at that moment, I don't think I was really adding all those things up, even though I
00:10:02.880 | knew about all those pre existing conditions.
00:10:05.120 | Yeah.
00:10:06.120 | And are you are you talking to your dad during during this time?
00:10:09.280 | Or?
00:10:10.280 | Yes, yes.
00:10:11.280 | I have been talking to my dad regularly.
00:10:14.600 | Even though I did express or convey that, you know, my family's dynamic or relationship
00:10:21.560 | isn't that great, I, as a Christian, I've been convicted over the years that it doesn't
00:10:28.120 | mean that relationship is hard that we should sever it or we should cut it, you know, we,
00:10:34.200 | we are taught to love people that are hard to love.
00:10:37.520 | And for me, the hardest ones to love is my direct family, you know, it could mean my
00:10:41.240 | dad, my mom and my younger brother.
00:10:46.560 | And I'm very thankful, you know, for keeping the relationship healthy as much as I can
00:10:54.480 | with my dad and with my mom and with my younger brother, even though none of none of them
00:11:02.000 | really talk to each other.
00:11:03.400 | So you know, at that time that when we found out my dad was sick, my dad and my mom weren't
00:11:08.800 | in talking terms, my mom and my brother were not in talking terms.
00:11:13.240 | And my brother, my dad haven't talked for years.
00:11:16.280 | Yeah, you know, Chris, like, when you were telling me your story, and, and we can talk
00:11:22.920 | about that later.
00:11:23.920 | But you know, you know, we talked when you got back and you had a little RV and there's
00:11:28.960 | reasons for that.
00:11:29.960 | But you know, when you're telling your story, one thing I really appreciated was that, you
00:11:34.720 | know, when, when Christ claims our life, he wants us to be preservatives, he wants us
00:11:43.280 | to be the aroma of Christ in the spheres of life that that we have in our own life, you
00:11:49.920 | know, and I was really encouraged when you shared how, you know, you might not have the
00:11:57.720 | same type of, of kind of like, bond that you have, maybe with like, your dad, and maybe
00:12:04.160 | someone else has, who's had all these memories, and I'm the same, I don't I don't really have
00:12:08.880 | that kind of intense love of my father based on memories that we had or anything like that,
00:12:16.480 | because we had a strained relationship too.
00:12:19.040 | But especially as as we, as we are growing, as we are sanctified, and as we're called
00:12:26.200 | to love those around us, our families are the first ones around us, you know, and I
00:12:31.400 | was really encouraged that, you know, as you were kind of sharing with me, you know, you,
00:12:36.640 | over the years, you were convicted to just hold on to your family and to reach out, and
00:12:43.440 | to share the gospel with them.
00:12:45.360 | And it seems like, yeah, that was your conviction, too, you know, and I appreciated that.
00:12:50.840 | Can you can you walk us through that a little bit, like, how, like in your head and in your
00:12:54.920 | heart, how that kind of played out?
00:12:57.480 | And why that that was such a conviction for you?
00:13:00.320 | Well, as, as my parents knew, know that around 2013, I did accept Christ, which is about
00:13:10.560 | four or five years after I moved to the US.
00:13:15.760 | And, you know, we, we are always taught that we, as James mentioned that we, we want to
00:13:21.120 | be an aroma of Christ.
00:13:23.000 | But obviously, if I were to just trust in my own, my own heart and my own selfish desire
00:13:30.360 | to make life easy, then it is much easier not to deal with my family.
00:13:36.360 | And if anything, being far away from them makes makes it a lot easier that I don't,
00:13:43.360 | you know, that I have less arguments with them, a lot less tension, a lot less strife.
00:13:48.840 | But I've come to realize that, you know, the first ones we need to minister to is our family.
00:13:55.760 | If we claim to have been changed by by Christ, and then the first the first place we need
00:14:04.320 | to minister to is, you know, the people immediately close to us, you know, how can I claim that,
00:14:10.520 | you know, I, I love Christ, and I love others when even the one closest to me are, I ignore,
00:14:19.320 | or I, I leave, I leave alone, I leave behind and so over the years, that's, that's, that's
00:14:28.120 | been a strong conviction of mine.
00:14:30.720 | And if anything, over the years, even though I live in the US, and my family lives in the
00:14:35.720 | Philippines, our relationship has grown and despite any arguments we've had with my parents
00:14:43.640 | and my brother, we've always come to reconciliation and just come back to terms and just find
00:14:49.880 | ways to restore the relationship.
00:14:54.480 | One of the things I did share or have been sharing with my dad and my brother is that
00:15:00.760 | I openly tell them that they're very hard to love.
00:15:04.320 | And that if we're up to me, life is much easier without them.
00:15:08.000 | Those are extremely harsh things to say.
00:15:11.340 | But at the same time, I did tell them that, you know, I love you, because Christ loved
00:15:17.280 | us first.
00:15:18.280 | And we're not, not because we're easy to love, that we're deserving of his love, but because
00:15:25.240 | God just loves us, right, despite of, and I do want to love my family, despite of, you
00:15:31.480 | know, not not because they're easy to love, or they make me extremely happy every day,
00:15:37.480 | they give me presents, you know, it's not, there's, there's not really much for me to
00:15:41.600 | gain, to be honest.
00:15:44.360 | But, but that's been my conviction and motivation over the years.
00:15:48.720 | And that's, that's, that's great, because, you know, when Christ transforms us, it should
00:15:55.600 | have an impact on our conduct, you know, and if it doesn't, you know, that's something
00:16:02.320 | to consider.
00:16:03.320 | But, but yeah, Chris, I was, I was, I was really encouraged to see that kind of play
00:16:08.560 | out.
00:16:09.560 | And even here, but all this is going on in September.
00:16:14.920 | And at some point, you realize, I got to go to Manila, right at some point, walk us through
00:16:21.960 | that when, when, when did that realization hit, and, and walk us through some of the
00:16:28.240 | events that occurred because of it.
00:16:32.080 | Around September 8, or so, I got a phone call from my dad.
00:16:36.440 | Actually, I got a phone call from my mom.
00:16:39.360 | My mom told me frantic, very frantic saying that my dad's about to be intubated.
00:16:46.360 | And as soon as I got that phone call, I called my dad right away just to check up on him.
00:16:52.680 | And my dad just told me, hey, I have to go, I'm about to be intubated, I love you.
00:16:57.640 | And then he hung up.
00:17:00.440 | At that moment, I was still like, in somewhat of a shock.
00:17:04.440 | My dad is not really the most tender guy.
00:17:09.600 | So for him to say that it was, it was, it was very monumental, very heavy.
00:17:16.800 | But that moment, even though the term intubated doesn't, it doesn't really weigh much on me
00:17:22.380 | at that moment, because we've read it in the news a lot where, you know, that's one possible
00:17:27.600 | outcome when people, you know, get COVID is they get intubated and hopefully they get
00:17:31.720 | better.
00:17:32.960 | But when I started sharing it, the news to some of my friends, one of them, one of them
00:17:39.520 | was kind of like sending me articles saying that, hey, if someone's intubated, it's going
00:17:44.440 | to be 50/50.
00:17:46.800 | But I think he was being kind because apparently intubation means like more like a 20% chance
00:17:51.840 | of someone's, you know, surviving that.
00:17:55.520 | And I think it was more so after sharing it with my friends, and I realized that, okay,
00:18:02.040 | I do have to go home.
00:18:04.040 | And I do have to make plans.
00:18:08.960 | I also think if I remember what I'm feeling at that time is, in my own heart, I also selfishly
00:18:16.320 | didn't want to go back to the Philippines yet.
00:18:21.040 | Life is busy as it is here.
00:18:22.640 | I have a wife and one daughter.
00:18:25.960 | And it is really a trek to go back to the Philippines, especially during the high rise
00:18:32.480 | and high rate of COVID there.
00:18:35.160 | So I think selfishly in my heart, I was thinking like, hey, maybe I don't really need to go
00:18:39.320 | back.
00:18:40.320 | You know, what am I going to do when I go back there?
00:18:43.000 | There's going to be travel plans, there's quarantine, you know, how do I deal with all
00:18:47.880 | that logistics?
00:18:50.240 | Furthermore, my passport has been expired, and it was expired during COVID time.
00:18:58.760 | And there was a good amount of time where the Philippine consulate was closed.
00:19:03.280 | And due to that, I wasn't able to renew my passport.
00:19:06.640 | And there's just really no way for me to go back home.
00:19:09.800 | You know, no means no way, there's too many hurdles, too much logistics.
00:19:14.720 | And you know, in my heart, I selfishly just like, this is going to amount to nothing,
00:19:18.560 | you know, maybe I don't need to go back home.
00:19:21.940 | So what happens after that?
00:19:23.760 | Well, what happened after that is, I did talk to my younger brother.
00:19:29.960 | So one of the first things I did do after finding out this news is I reached out to
00:19:36.360 | my younger brother, I saw this as a unique opportunity to let my brother know, be like,
00:19:45.600 | look, my dad is really sick.
00:19:48.040 | He's in the hospital, he's about to be intubated.
00:19:51.440 | And I feel like, you know, you should make amends and you should reconcile, you know,
00:19:57.600 | all the years that you guys have had away and angry at each other.
00:20:03.080 | And we just don't know what how this is going to pan out.
00:20:06.600 | So for me, I, if anything, I put the sense of urgency to onto my brother rather than
00:20:11.980 | to myself at that moment, because I saw it as an opportunity, you know, for him to reach
00:20:17.200 | out to my dad and at least, you know, at least attempt to make reconciliation there.
00:20:25.700 | If anything, my brother kind of came back at me saying like, hey, I'm making my travel
00:20:30.820 | plans.
00:20:31.820 | Are you making travel plans?
00:20:33.480 | Right.
00:20:34.480 | So all of a sudden, I think, you know, I got I got the same message that I gave my brother
00:20:40.440 | that this is this is urgent, right, and except the except the motivation was coming from
00:20:48.480 | a different place for him.
00:20:49.640 | It's more so a challenge, you know, like I'm challenging him to go there and reconcile.
00:20:54.160 | But he told me that, are you even going to be there?
00:20:56.720 | You're probably not even going to make plans and travel back home, right?
00:21:00.520 | And I said, I will, even though at that moment, I don't really know how I'm going to do so.
00:21:07.760 | So I think that's when I really started to explore, like, how can I renew my passport?
00:21:14.560 | How can I travel even though it's expired?
00:21:18.500 | And how can I leave my family for this long or however long it's going to be?
00:21:23.080 | Yeah, so so what happens after that?
00:21:27.040 | What happened after that is that night, I started looking online for some sort of a
00:21:31.720 | resource where I can talk to somebody at a consulate and I found an emergency hotline
00:21:40.000 | to I guess distressed Filipino nationals.
00:21:43.480 | And so I was able to call that and I explained to them the situation about my dad being intubated
00:21:49.720 | and and how his condition is continuing to to get worse.
00:21:54.720 | So what what are my options to to travel home despite my passport being expired?
00:22:01.880 | And I think honestly, by by God's grace, the person I talked to really listened to to my
00:22:08.520 | situation and told and share with me, you know, her insight on what I can do.
00:22:14.340 | And she suggested that I apply for an emergency travel document.
00:22:20.200 | Pretty much it will serve as a passport.
00:22:22.800 | It's a one way ticket passport to the Philippines, which means that I can I can just travel one
00:22:30.120 | way but not not coming back to the US.
00:22:33.360 | And that's something I'll have to figure out after the fact.
00:22:36.840 | And you know, this lady I talked to on the phone gave me a list of requirements.
00:22:40.680 | And she told me that if I booked the ticket that day and show her proof that I booked
00:22:46.520 | the ticket, then she'll she'll give me an appointment for the next day at the consulate to give
00:22:52.720 | me this emergency travel document.
00:22:56.040 | So that's how we got the ball rolling.
00:22:59.880 | And furthermore, I shared the news to my bosses at work, and one of them is one of my dear
00:23:06.280 | friends Tetz.
00:23:08.800 | And right away when I shared with them the news, they they really made this, you know,
00:23:13.880 | this this journey much easier, they immediately told me like, hey, don't worry about work,
00:23:20.840 | you should make travel plans to go to the Philippines, because this is serious, you
00:23:24.600 | know, so don't wait too long, we'll even take care of the plane ticket for you, you know,
00:23:29.560 | so all of a sudden, you know, a lot of my own worries and concerns are just starting
00:23:36.160 | to to get, you know, fixed per se, you know, on its own, or the path has is kind of like
00:23:43.580 | being shown to me.
00:23:45.200 | And a lot of these things I really did not expect to happen.
00:23:50.680 | And needless to say, my work bought my plane ticket, I provided the requirements to the
00:23:57.600 | to the Philippine consulate, and they gave me an appointment, then the very next day,
00:24:02.200 | I only had to wait six hours, the Philippine consulate, but I did get the travel document
00:24:07.520 | that same day, which to me, is a miracle on its own.
00:24:11.360 | I've been trying for months to get my passport renewed.
00:24:15.640 | And I can't even talk to anyone on the phone for months.
00:24:18.600 | But here you're able to get it in a day, it's a long day, but you're able to get it in day
00:24:24.320 | in a day, not all not only that, initially, I my, my main concern is like, let's do baby
00:24:30.940 | steps and just figure out how I can get to the Philippines, and worry about how to come
00:24:36.120 | back.
00:24:37.380 | But during the same day, also, I explained my situation to, to the officer and the consulate,
00:24:44.800 | and they were able to renew my passport with at least a just a pickup place in the Philippines.
00:24:50.600 | So I can travel one way one way back to Manila, and pick up my passport while I'm in Manila,
00:24:57.240 | which makes this whole situation, you know, I would say a lot easier, or relatively easier.
00:25:02.640 | At least I have a ticket way back.
00:25:04.480 | Yeah, yeah.
00:25:05.800 | Yeah.
00:25:06.800 | Yeah.
00:25:07.800 | And so, you know, you fly out, right, fly out, you land.
00:25:12.520 | But obviously, you got to quarantine for a little bit.
00:25:15.940 | Right?
00:25:16.940 | Yeah.
00:25:17.940 | So that's, that's the, the other hurdle that I have to, I was thinking that I could figure
00:25:23.040 | it out when I get there.
00:25:24.600 | I have a lot of friends, a lot of relatives who knows, I would say relatively powerful
00:25:30.720 | people, some people that may work in a government, some people with like big businesses, who's
00:25:35.800 | good friends with somebody.
00:25:37.200 | So I guess I was thinking that I had confidence that I should be able to get out of quarantine
00:25:43.920 | to see my dad.
00:25:48.160 | The requirement at that time for quarantine is 10 days in a facility that's approved by
00:25:53.000 | the government, which, which means that I'd be, you know, I'd be required to stay in in
00:25:59.160 | a hotel facility for that long.
00:26:02.520 | Furthermore, the other hurdle, which I say, I, you know, I thought to myself back then
00:26:08.040 | that I'll figure it out later is my dad's in the ICU, you know, especially during the
00:26:12.480 | height of COVID.
00:26:13.480 | They don't really let people into the ICU.
00:26:20.320 | But I also thought that since my, one of my cousins is one of the, the doctor, residence
00:26:25.640 | doctor there, that he could, you know, find a way for me to see my dad if, if the time
00:26:30.640 | does come where it's really urgent for me to see my dad.
00:26:33.480 | So a lot of these things, I would say I, I had my own, I trusted in my own self-confidence
00:26:41.480 | or I was thinking that it's something I could just figure out on my own, but, but it was,
00:26:49.160 | it was something quarantine, quarantine back there, something that I couldn't get out of
00:26:53.800 | regardless, regardless of any effort, any will, any wit, any connection, or any effort
00:27:02.840 | of mine just fell flat.
00:27:05.080 | You know, I couldn't get out of it.
00:27:08.120 | Man.
00:27:09.120 | So, so here you are, where, where exactly are you quarantining?
00:27:13.720 | Sorry, what?
00:27:15.700 | Where exactly are you quarantining in the Philippines?
00:27:17.960 | Okay.
00:27:18.960 | So I was quarantining in a, in a hotel, like a few minutes from my residence in the Philippines.
00:27:24.560 | It was a hotel reserve by my mom, you know, for 10 days, it wasn't really a nice hotel,
00:27:32.120 | you know?
00:27:33.120 | And if, if anything, that hotel room really just revealed the, the life, the comfort of
00:27:42.520 | life that I have here in the, in the U S you know, the room had the worst bed.
00:27:47.920 | You know, it's not just hard, but it's all crooked.
00:27:52.080 | There was roaches or termites in the room.
00:27:54.500 | There's no hot water.
00:27:56.880 | It's probably the worst coffee I've tasted in my life, tasted like mud and internet speed
00:28:03.400 | was slow.
00:28:04.400 | So you name everything that the comforts that we're used to, or that I'm used to here in
00:28:09.560 | the U S and all that is really stripped away.
00:28:13.080 | So that's the kind of room that I was in.
00:28:15.520 | But on the other hand, it's not, depending on which perspective I'm looking at, it's
00:28:21.520 | really not that bad.
00:28:23.240 | One it's I had enough space for sure.
00:28:27.640 | And there was AC, it was a TV, you know, so, and basic meals were provided even though
00:28:34.520 | they're kind of small portions.
00:28:37.080 | So yeah, I mean, the room was definitely not the most comfortable place I can be, but at
00:28:46.200 | the same time, I feel like one of the, to my surprise, one of the things that was a
00:28:53.520 | blessing to me was my room just had just so happened to be two doors down from my younger
00:28:59.440 | brother who's also quarantining, right?
00:29:02.680 | So despite the room not being comfortable, and I had to request to be moved a few times,
00:29:08.480 | the last room that I decided to stay in, I just happened to be two doors down from my
00:29:12.240 | younger brother.
00:29:15.400 | So here you are, you're in the Philippines, you're quarantining, your young brother's
00:29:21.160 | two doors down from you.
00:29:24.080 | You're wanting to see your dad.
00:29:26.720 | What are some of the thoughts going through your head right now at that point?
00:29:32.820 | I think at that point, at that point, I was putting a lot of my effort in really just
00:29:41.640 | getting out of quarantine, you know, and looking back now, I'm not even sure what that would
00:29:47.440 | have meant.
00:29:48.440 | Like, what could I have contributed trying to get out of quarantine in the first place?
00:29:54.480 | And in two, one of the main thoughts that I had at that time was like, how can I maximize
00:30:00.440 | the time and the opportunity that God provided with my younger brother?
00:30:07.240 | The last time I saw my younger brother was when I got married, which is four years ago.
00:30:13.640 | And ever since that, you know, we've just been communicating over instant message and
00:30:19.160 | video call, but there's a lot of miscommunication and things that's lost in translation when
00:30:25.280 | that happens.
00:30:26.280 | And, you know, so I was just more so challenged how, how can I make best use of that time
00:30:33.760 | in quarantine?
00:30:34.760 | You know, that's one and two, I had grand plans.
00:30:39.400 | I was thinking like, okay, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in the room by myself.
00:30:43.640 | I have a lot of free time all of a sudden, what am I going to do with this free time?
00:30:48.800 | So I even made, made an Excel sheet of some sort or a spreadsheet kind of aligning, like,
00:30:54.400 | okay, how much should I read?
00:30:56.720 | I had, I was, at that time I was trying to memorize Titus.
00:31:01.200 | Maybe I should start working out just in my, on my own in the room.
00:31:05.200 | Maybe I'll go through some, some studying for my work.
00:31:08.720 | So I, so all of a sudden I felt like I'm in like some sort of bootcamp and trying to maximize
00:31:13.640 | this alone time that I never thought I'd have, right.
00:31:18.760 | But you know, it didn't take very long for at least my dad's situation to unravel while
00:31:24.840 | I was in quarantine.
00:31:25.840 | I think about day four of quarantine is like day three or four when my dad's situation
00:31:32.200 | or health status really went south.
00:31:36.320 | And on September 18, that night or that day, you know, we, we got the status that my dad
00:31:45.360 | got sepsis and he, his heart rate was really high and his situation is just starting to
00:31:55.060 | deteriorate and go south and, you know, the doctors are just trying to treat him, you
00:32:01.840 | know, as best as they can.
00:32:04.080 | That same night we, we were alerted that my dad could suffer internal bleeding and I recall
00:32:12.600 | my mom asking me what we need to do because the options are either give him like some
00:32:18.440 | clotting medicine to stop, to prevent internal bleeding or to let him bleed out.
00:32:28.360 | The downside of giving him the clotting medicine is that he could suffer a stroke or get into
00:32:32.800 | cardiac arrest or that's what we were told.
00:32:35.480 | So my mom asked me what my opinion was or what, what choice should we take in this situation?
00:32:44.560 | Normally when I'm given like a situation, whether to pick A or B, I'd probably try to
00:32:49.080 | weigh, okay, why is A better?
00:32:51.720 | Why is B better?
00:32:52.720 | What's the downside?
00:32:53.720 | I'm like, okay, usually there's some sort of a clear answer of what, what's a better
00:32:58.800 | highly probable path.
00:33:01.240 | But during this time, I think when it was about my dad's life on the line now, I really
00:33:07.960 | could not make a choice.
00:33:10.040 | There's, it is an impossible choice.
00:33:12.520 | It's either, you know, let, let my dad bleed out or let my dad potentially highly likely
00:33:19.400 | suffer a stroke or get cardiac arrest.
00:33:22.800 | So I did defer to my half brother who's, you know, who, who just started to be in the picture
00:33:28.880 | in my life because of what happened to my dad here.
00:33:33.360 | And this half brother of mine is, um, has been living with my dad actually physically
00:33:40.320 | for, you know, as, as long as I can remember.
00:33:44.100 | So he is the closest person to my dad physically and emotionally.
00:33:48.320 | So I did defer to him and I, and I told him that, Hey, look, I, even though I'm the eldest
00:33:54.600 | brother, I believe that you're the closest to dad.
00:33:58.560 | So can you, you know, I would trust in your opinion and what, what your take is on what
00:34:03.600 | you think dad would want.
00:34:06.520 | And he, his name is Michael.
00:34:08.940 | So Michael expressed that, um, dad would like to fight so that we cannot let him bleed out
00:34:14.360 | as much as possible.
00:34:15.360 | Right.
00:34:16.360 | And we'll just roll the dice, take the chance here.
00:34:19.200 | And even at the risk of, um, the side effects of the clotting medicine.
00:34:25.560 | And you know, it wasn't, it didn't really take very long, um, that my mom called me,
00:34:32.960 | uh, really crying saying that, uh, my dad's going to get to into cardiac arrest.
00:34:39.680 | And, um, we were told to just have our own, you know, our own moments with dad on the
00:34:45.720 | phone just to tell him our last words and, you know, for us to just take time together.
00:34:54.440 | At this time, uh, my younger brother came out of his quarantine room, met me in the
00:35:00.360 | hallway, just crying and just, and just really broken by, by this whole news.
00:35:06.720 | Cause you know, none of us really expected for my dad's situation to go south so quickly.
00:35:13.360 | Um, and when it was my turn to have a video call with my dad, um, one of, one of the things
00:35:21.600 | that I was convicted to do at that point was to, to give my own last moments of personal
00:35:27.880 | time with my dad to my younger brother.
00:35:30.320 | Um, it, it really felt that my, my younger brother had a lot more things to say, a lot
00:35:38.760 | more things to reconcile with my dad because he, he really hasn't this whole time.
00:35:44.320 | And it's also for me, um, the biggest gift I can give to my younger brother to show him
00:35:50.960 | love by giving him, you know, the more moments with my dad as much as he can.
00:35:59.520 | And at that time, my brother just poured out, you know, all the, all the negative things
00:36:04.480 | that has happened to them and you know, how sorry he was and that he, he wished things
00:36:10.240 | were better and that he loved him.
00:36:12.760 | And you know, and for, and for me that was, that was really worth giving, giving that
00:36:19.880 | time to him, you know, just so they can at least reconcile or at least have my dad here
00:36:25.080 | that, you know, my younger brother and I did come physically to visit him.
00:36:31.280 | And, um, yeah, that was, that was really our last phone call with my dad.
00:36:39.560 | And at this point, obviously my dad was unresponsive, but, um, I could tell at least, you know,
00:36:45.800 | from, from looking at my dad that he could hear us.
00:36:49.080 | And for me, that was, that was enough.
00:36:52.440 | So this is FaceTime.
00:36:53.960 | Yeah, this is FaceTime.
00:36:55.880 | Yeah, the, the, the nurse that's watching my dad in the, uh, in the ICU, uh, gave us
00:37:00.280 | like just FaceTime with him.
00:37:03.320 | My dad was really not responsive at this point, but I could, I could tell he could hear us
00:37:07.520 | because it seems like that he had tears and, um, yeah, it was, it was really a hard, hard
00:37:14.640 | moment because, um, it's, my dad's usually a very strong presence, strong guy.
00:37:22.800 | So to see him in this state at the end of his life was, was really hard.
00:37:28.160 | Yeah.
00:37:29.160 | Yeah.
00:37:30.160 | Yeah.
00:37:31.160 | Uh, you know, like, uh, you know, Chris, I, I remember when you were telling me this story,
00:37:35.320 | but also when I, when I, uh, when I heard from, um, Susan that, you know, you were still
00:37:42.720 | in quarantine, you know, when this went down, um, I, I remember feeling incredibly indignant
00:37:50.600 | over the entire situation, but I, at the same time, I was thankful that, that you were,
00:37:58.080 | as a family, you guys were still able to, to see each other, even though it was digitally,
00:38:02.720 | you know, um, that, that, that at least is better than over the phone because over the
00:38:07.440 | phone he's unresponsive, he can't talk, but at least over FaceTime, um, you're able to
00:38:12.440 | see kind of like the emotions on his, on his face and you can, you can tell that he can
00:38:17.320 | kind of understand what's, what's being said.
00:38:20.760 | Yeah.
00:38:22.120 | You know, um, at, at, at this point in time, can you just kind of like talk about, um,
00:38:30.000 | what are your thoughts internally?
00:38:32.000 | I mean, this is, this is a lot to go through.
00:38:34.640 | You know, you've, you've just arrived in the Philippines, you haven't seen your brother
00:38:38.520 | in a while, these two doors down, and this is the fourth day in quarantine.
00:38:43.560 | Yeah.
00:38:44.560 | About the fourth day in quarantine.
00:38:45.560 | Yeah.
00:38:47.560 | So I think one of the, the main things here is that around within those four, four days,
00:38:57.080 | you know, my, my mom and I talked a lot, my younger brother and my mom started talking
00:39:02.840 | a lot too, which, you know, the communication started opening up and restoration and reconciliation
00:39:09.000 | started to happen.
00:39:11.000 | I'd say one of the urgent things here that my mom, you know, kept reminding me is that
00:39:15.340 | my dad, you know, hasn't accepted Christ and Christ is definitely not present in his life.
00:39:22.800 | And, um, I do, I do recall very clearly that after just shortly right after my dad passed,
00:39:30.760 | I'll obviously all of us were in pain and mourning already, but my mom, my mom mentioned
00:39:38.700 | to me that my mom and my aunt did, did ask him again in his, in his deathbed to, to accept
00:39:47.280 | Christ as Lord and savior, that he is a sinner and that only through him that all of us are
00:39:53.520 | saved.
00:39:54.520 | And, um, and my mom did express that my dad nodded to her, nodded to my aunt and as casual
00:40:03.840 | as, as nodding sounds, um, my dad's personality, at least for people that do know him, he's
00:40:09.920 | not the type to, to just do that.
00:40:13.000 | You know, he's the type of person that will just not submit to anything if he, if he believes
00:40:20.760 | in something or does not believe in something.
00:40:23.160 | So he's, he's just a very stubborn guy, you know, he's not, he's not going to just give
00:40:27.880 | in to, to some sort of pressure or peer pressure.
00:40:31.640 | Um, so as much as we're mourning that, that moment when my mom shared that with me, it,
00:40:39.280 | it did give our family some comfort.
00:40:42.080 | I also recall that my younger brother expressed verbally to my dad saying that, Hey, um, you
00:40:51.040 | know, I, I, I believe in, I'm starting to believe in Jesus and I believe that hopefully
00:40:57.480 | one day that I get to see you again in heaven.
00:41:01.720 | And it's because I think for my younger brother, as much as he said his piece to my, you know,
00:41:08.520 | to my dad, trying to reconcile things, he didn't feel like he had closure, um, and that
00:41:15.320 | he'd still want, want one day to be able to see my dad and at least talk to him, I'm sure
00:41:21.440 | hug him and at least express a lot of the things that he wasn't able to express over
00:41:26.360 | the years.
00:41:28.040 | So I, I, I saw immediately that because that was one of the first few times that I saw
00:41:37.440 | right away that whatever is happening to my dad has already had ripple effects in God's
00:41:44.440 | hand was definitely in, in, in this situation and it's very, very clear, you know, I made
00:41:50.960 | my brother start to believe my brother made my brother start to hope it opened up relationship
00:41:58.960 | with my half brother and half sister who I'd never had a relationship with, um, start to
00:42:05.320 | reconcile my, my mom with my brother and start to soften everyone's heart and, um, and just
00:42:14.480 | reveal and just even be oddly thankful or oddly be at peace that my dad passed that
00:42:21.640 | there is some hope or some chance that my dad did genuinely accept Christ.
00:42:28.560 | So it was, it was an odd moment of peace despite the pain in that situation and, um, that really
00:42:36.320 | gave us comfort at that moment.
00:42:38.320 | Yeah.
00:42:39.320 | Yeah.
00:42:40.320 | And I remember when you, when you shared that with me and I, I was thinking to myself, only
00:42:46.600 | Christ could bring that kind of peace and only, only Christ could take such a, such
00:42:54.760 | a tragedy and such a painful moment and create something beautiful out of it.
00:42:59.360 | You know, like it's, it's, you know, it's like a, a box, like a box full of ashes, you
00:43:05.200 | know, and then, you know, we give God these, this, this box full of ashes and then he creates
00:43:12.240 | something beautiful out of it.
00:43:13.800 | And I, I remember that's, that's, that's how I felt when you, when you were, when you were
00:43:18.280 | sharing that with me and you know, in, in, in previous conversations I do remember, um,
00:43:23.440 | you shared a little bit about your dad before, um, he kind of has a large personality and
00:43:27.760 | like you, you stated, you know, he's not the type to just like give in, you know what I
00:43:32.960 | mean, if, if he didn't believe it, he would have just maybe shook his head or just, you
00:43:37.240 | know, not nodded at least, you know, but it's, it's great to hear that, you know, in that
00:43:42.000 | moment, um, he nodded, you know, he nodded and so, yeah, I mean, um, no doubt, um, those
00:43:50.920 | last couple of moments where even your brother is sharing the, the effect that Christ is
00:43:58.720 | having on him, even that was seemingly a pivotal witness in your dad's life and all of this
00:44:04.560 | is coming together and you know, all the times you told your dad, look, I'm just being honest
00:44:09.380 | with you, I probably wouldn't love you but for Christ, you know, you're, you're sharing
00:44:13.360 | these things as a witness, you know, and you know, you're just, it started off as just
00:44:18.280 | like a faithful, faithfulness to conviction that I have to love my family even though
00:44:22.480 | they're hard and even though they're far away.
00:44:25.280 | And now all of that is coming full circle here, all of that is coming full circle and
00:44:30.320 | um, yeah, you, you kind of see why everything was said and you see kind of God's design,
00:44:39.680 | right?
00:44:40.680 | Yeah.
00:44:41.680 | And, and, and, you know, you're, you're still stuck in quarantine, right Chris?
00:44:45.400 | Yeah, I'm still stuck in quarantine and at this point I, I shared with my closest friends
00:44:53.040 | what happened, um, share with Susan, obviously, and I, I would, I would really say that at
00:45:03.080 | that moment, nothing, I felt numb, nothing really was comforting in terms of like whatever
00:45:11.880 | somebody said or told me, you know, about, um, that, that they feel really bad or just
00:45:21.200 | to send me condolences and you know, those, those are at, at that very moment, those didn't
00:45:29.600 | really give me a sense of comfort and oddly enough, well, maybe not oddly enough, but
00:45:38.360 | when someone really told me that, you know, they, they would pray for me and, um, that,
00:45:45.840 | that they are mourning with me, those, those things really felt weighty, um, and those,
00:45:53.520 | those felt much more valuable at that moment because I think outside of outside of my dad
00:46:01.880 | really accepting Christ, I felt like a failure.
00:46:04.680 | I felt like I was defeated and there's nothing that I could do to, to make things better.
00:46:13.720 | So, um, if anything, those, those moments really just humbled me and that only prayer
00:46:20.920 | and only God was, was the source of comfort.
00:46:24.480 | Um, I think casually, you know, when people do say that, Hey, I'll, I'll pray for you.
00:46:31.240 | I feel like in a lot of the moments that someone mentions that to me, it, it, it didn't feel
00:46:36.160 | as weighty as it did, as it did at that moment, because I can't say for sure my dad is saved
00:46:45.320 | or was saved or did he really genuinely accept Christ.
00:46:49.360 | But with, with someone's prayer and, um, we're just reminded that it's not really up to us,
00:46:58.240 | right?
00:46:59.240 | It's not by our own efforts.
00:47:02.120 | It's not by our own confidence.
00:47:04.080 | I can't really judge, you know, or if my dad was genuinely repentant at that time.
00:47:11.400 | So it's really humbling to us to say like, God, that's up to you.
00:47:15.680 | If you show us your mercy, you know, I really pray that my dad, my dad is really like saved
00:47:23.800 | or is with you.
00:47:25.840 | So, um, yeah, I did have a few video calls either with, with Susan or even Pastor Peter
00:47:35.800 | Chung and with John and, um, and I was, I was really just broken.
00:47:40.560 | There's just too many emotions at that time and I didn't know how to process it.
00:47:45.880 | Yeah, man.
00:47:49.640 | So, you know, um, how much longer does quarantine last for you?
00:47:55.320 | Cause this is, this is day four when it happens and yeah, there would be another five or six
00:48:00.320 | days.
00:48:01.320 | Yeah.
00:48:02.320 | Yeah.
00:48:03.320 | And I recall that this whole time that I was in quarantine, I was probably on hold on the
00:48:09.280 | phone for maybe four hours a day or so.
00:48:13.960 | And I'm talking to whoever I can, I can, I can kind of plead with initially my pleading
00:48:21.480 | was because my dad was in the, in the ICU next thing, next thing I was pleading cause
00:48:28.000 | my dad is, is dying, you know, to let me out and I still get a no or like, we don't know
00:48:35.080 | yet.
00:48:36.080 | We're processing things.
00:48:37.080 | I was just getting the runaround and now I'm, I'm, I'm concerned because I'm saying like,
00:48:42.440 | okay, my dad died, you know, um, I, I don't want to miss a potential wake or I still want
00:48:48.560 | to see his body and like, I want to have that moment.
00:48:52.240 | So at that moment I honestly felt entitled that I, I really deserve that time with my
00:49:02.160 | dad.
00:49:03.160 | Um, even though he already passed and um, one of the regulations actually in the Philippines
00:49:10.280 | at that moment was that if someone dies of COVID that it's mandatory to get cremated
00:49:15.120 | in 24 hours.
00:49:17.280 | So uh, you know, I, I, I shared that with, um, with the government entity that's in charge
00:49:26.120 | of quarantine and you know, I still got denied.
00:49:30.820 | So you know, we're, we're just trying to find ways or I'm trying to find at least a way
00:49:36.960 | for me to see my dad in some sort of way, whether initially it was like to see him in
00:49:43.640 | the ICU if possible.
00:49:44.640 | Okay.
00:49:45.640 | No, that's not possible.
00:49:46.640 | Can I at least see his, his, uh, remains?
00:49:49.000 | Okay.
00:49:50.000 | That's not possible.
00:49:51.320 | Now my dad had to be cremated.
00:49:55.040 | And even prior to that, um, the, I guess it's customary in the Philippines to drive the
00:50:01.640 | body to some of, uh, you know, the, the person that passed, um, to their favorite places.
00:50:09.120 | And so we were able to actually request to have the car drive past the quarantine hotel
00:50:14.920 | we're in.
00:50:15.920 | So the last time I quote unquote saw my dad was 25 floors up in a building looking at
00:50:23.400 | a car where my, you know, my dad's dead body is inside.
00:50:29.120 | And it just felt like a slap in my face.
00:50:31.960 | I was like, okay, I came halfway across the world to see this, you know, and, um, and
00:50:39.240 | that was hard.
00:50:41.280 | Um, and it's shortly after that, my dad got cremated and now I'm trying to still trying
00:50:48.000 | to draw straws and trying to find ways how I can at least go to my dad's wake.
00:50:57.160 | During that time, um, you're not even allowed to have a wake because any, any type of gathering
00:51:03.480 | is not allowed, especially if it's due to COVID.
00:51:07.280 | Um, but my mom, my mom is very, um, she's a go getter and she, she really gets things
00:51:15.360 | done.
00:51:16.360 | So she found a way or managed a way to, to convince the, um, to convince the facility
00:51:25.840 | to, to give my dad a wake and the wake is going to be for four days or something.
00:51:33.800 | And so I'm trying to find a way still to get, to get out of quarantine to at least attend
00:51:40.480 | my dad's wake.
00:51:41.480 | I at least want to have a ceremony where I'm there and at least to, to have some sort of
00:51:48.720 | closure and it kind of sucks too, because you know, that facility, as much as they allowed
00:51:55.480 | us to have a wake, they, they were going to charge us a thousand US dollars per day just
00:52:01.000 | to extend.
00:52:02.840 | So we had, you know, we had to extend two full days, uh, just so I can go to the wake
00:52:09.520 | the day after I get out.
00:52:12.040 | Um, you know, at that moment, obviously I was, I was very angry.
00:52:17.700 | I was very angry.
00:52:18.700 | I can't get out.
00:52:19.700 | I was very angry.
00:52:21.000 | I can't get my way.
00:52:22.240 | I was, I was angry.
00:52:24.400 | I didn't see my dad or, you know, get to see even my dad's dead body.
00:52:30.760 | Um, so I did feel anger.
00:52:34.600 | Um, and apart from that, I also felt a lot of regret, a lot of shame, a lot of guilt,
00:52:41.360 | you know, all these emotions start coming in.
00:52:44.000 | And I remember thinking that whether I was a good son or not, whether I showed him enough
00:52:52.640 | love, whether I've given him enough time of day.
00:52:57.600 | So I, I remember during, during quarantine, especially after his death, that I was sleeping
00:53:05.880 | only two hours a day and that I, I would just have all these memories with my dad where
00:53:13.400 | I felt like I could have done better.
00:53:15.320 | Was I a good witness?
00:53:16.320 | Did I love him enough?
00:53:18.480 | So, and a lot of these emotions, I really couldn't share with my immediate family as
00:53:25.760 | because they also had regrets, right?
00:53:29.160 | If anything, my younger brother and my mom had a worse relationship with my dad, you
00:53:35.720 | know, so I can't really share a lot of, a lot of these things or a lot of the feelings,
00:53:41.720 | a lot of the struggles because I also didn't want them to feel worse.
00:53:47.800 | If I had regrets, what more my younger brother, what more my mom, you know?
00:53:53.200 | And when I was, you know, when, when I had time to be comforted with or by my friend
00:54:00.640 | or comforted by Susan, I, I also found it very hard to share.
00:54:06.240 | So I, I really had nowhere to go to, to really find comfort outside of prayer and, and you
00:54:14.560 | know, for me, it, Susan kept reminding me that, you know, God is closer to brokenhearted
00:54:20.640 | and I felt, never felt that to be more true outside of that time.
00:54:27.760 | So man, yeah, that, that's a, that's a lot to swallow, you know?
00:54:35.920 | I think anyone would feel angry at that moment.
00:54:42.720 | There's a lot of cruelty there, you know, there's a, there's a, there's a lot of cruelty
00:54:46.040 | there.
00:54:47.040 | And the way you describe, you're only able to, you flew across the world and you're only
00:54:54.880 | able to see your, your dad's body from 25 floors up.
00:54:59.880 | Wow, you know, wow, that's, wow.
00:55:06.960 | So quarantine eventually ends.
00:55:12.640 | What happens after that?
00:55:14.120 | Yeah, quarantine eventually ends and it really felt surreal, felt like freedom.
00:55:21.600 | I think the motivation now to get out of quarantine is, is really so that I can be with my mom
00:55:27.880 | because, you know, my mom was really mourning on her own and I do want to comfort her.
00:55:38.320 | And there are apparently a lot of logistics after somebody passes.
00:55:43.640 | So that's the other, that's the other thing that we, we have to tackle.
00:55:49.640 | But by God's grace, we, we, we were able to, one, have a wake, two, even extend the number
00:55:56.460 | of days where there's a wake and even have a Christian ceremony at, you know, at the
00:56:02.920 | very last day, we, I was, I was actually tasked to, to write a eulogy for my dad the day,
00:56:13.920 | the day before the, the actual ceremony.
00:56:17.240 | And, you know, fortunately enough, I, during, during my stay in quarantine, since I had
00:56:23.840 | a really hard time expressing what I felt, I just started writing and I just started
00:56:29.640 | writing my memories of my dad and what I've gone through in this journey, just so that
00:56:36.080 | I don't lose perspective of what's important.
00:56:39.400 | I don't lose perspective of what God continues to show me and continues to teach me during
00:56:45.840 | this painful process.
00:56:48.400 | So, and I think that that was really pivotal and that helped, at least helped me express,
00:56:57.660 | helped me digest what I'm feeling and also helped me to, to share, at least in my dad's
00:57:03.680 | memorial service, helped me to share who my dad is and how God has been present this,
00:57:12.940 | this entire time.
00:57:14.600 | So if anything, the memorial service was, it was held by a Christian pastor and it was,
00:57:22.240 | it was really a, it became a platform to be able to share the gospel, to share what we
00:57:26.880 | believe in and to share the peace that we, you know, that we do have, that maybe my dad
00:57:33.360 | is in heaven, maybe he's in a better place.
00:57:36.880 | And even share immediately what, how God has been working in all our lives, even during
00:57:43.400 | this painful time to, to even unite our family, despite my dad passing.
00:57:51.000 | So I, you know, I really appreciated that as much as I didn't get to see my dad, I was
00:57:58.160 | able to share a lot about God's work during this hard time to my relatives that was in
00:58:06.080 | the wake and to, yeah, to my loved ones.
00:58:16.200 | After the wake, you don't come home right away, right?
00:58:19.840 | You spend a little time.
00:58:21.800 | Yeah.
00:58:22.800 | There's, there's temptation to just come back, to come back right away.
00:58:25.400 | But I, there's a few hurdles though.
00:58:28.800 | One is I still don't have my passport.
00:58:32.500 | So the hurdle number one is like, okay, um, I'm about two weeks into my trip or less than
00:58:40.460 | two weeks into my trip and I still don't have my physical passport.
00:58:44.240 | So I don't know when, when I could get ahold of that.
00:58:50.800 | Without that, I cannot make my trip back here to the US.
00:58:55.160 | So minimally I was preparing Susan that I would be gone minimum one month.
00:59:01.920 | In some sense, it kind of worked out, um, nicely because, um, it does give me time to
00:59:10.720 | bond with my mom who's, who's also getting older, give, uh, give me time to bond with
00:59:16.260 | my younger brother, give me time to bond with my half siblings, you know, half brother and
00:59:21.800 | half sister.
00:59:23.240 | Um, if anything, no, even to my surprise, after I got off quarantine, when I met up
00:59:30.360 | with my younger sister, who I, I never really talked to, one of the first few things we
00:59:36.080 | talk about right away is how Jesus is, is really present in, you know, in this whole
00:59:42.800 | situation.
00:59:43.800 | So even to my surprise, to even have the boldness or to even have the urgency to share right
00:59:51.400 | away with somebody that, you know, I don't really talk to is honestly evidence of God's
00:59:57.720 | work because that's not something we casually just talk about out of the gate.
01:00:04.460 | Um, yeah, I think my dad's, my dad's death really made death much more real to me.
01:00:14.600 | It made time much, much shorter.
01:00:18.600 | And just made, made things more urgent and much more, um, it's just much more important.
01:00:26.440 | Yeah.
01:00:27.440 | Yeah.
01:00:28.440 | Yeah.
01:00:29.440 | You know, again, you know, we come back to this, this, just this concept of how, you
01:00:37.040 | know, there, there's this incredible tragedy, um, but God is using it to his glory, you
01:00:45.640 | know, um, relationships are being mended, you know, um, the Christ is being glorified,
01:00:55.360 | you know, and, and it's just amazing, you know, it's just amazing to, to, to hear that
01:01:00.960 | how, you know, um, sometimes tragedy gives us, um, opportunities to do things that, that
01:01:08.480 | we wouldn't do maybe in, in almost any other situation.
01:01:13.200 | And I, I know for a lot of people listening, and even for myself, um, you might not have
01:01:19.880 | the best relationship with your immediate family, you know, with your, with your parents.
01:01:24.960 | Um, that's true for so many of us, especially if you did not grow up in a Christian household,
01:01:31.600 | and I didn't grow up in a Christian household as well.
01:01:34.400 | So I can, I can totally, um, relate to that.
01:01:38.000 | But, uh, in times of desperation, God is a lot easier to talk about because everything
01:01:43.240 | kind of comes into focus, right?
01:01:45.600 | So, uh, it was, it was encouraging to, to hear how that unfolded even after you come
01:01:51.480 | out of quarantine.
01:01:52.480 | Um, there's still a lot, a lot of work to be done and a lot of things that you had to
01:01:57.120 | kind of take care of.
01:01:58.120 | And, you know, during this whole time, you know, Susan's the unsung hero, you know, she's,
01:02:02.420 | she's there holding the, holding the fort down and, and.
01:02:06.000 | Yeah, I, one of the, if anything, during quarantine, one of the uncomfortable things is actually
01:02:13.440 | being away from family and also thinking that, you know, Susan's trying to tackle stuff alone
01:02:20.000 | here with Emory, um, but, uh, really God creates capacity, uh, in us to, you know, just to
01:02:29.520 | stretch us to, to deal with things that we didn't think we could deal with.
01:02:34.440 | Um, you know, we're, we're thankful to have Susan's family help out.
01:02:39.320 | We have a really supportive, you know, church and community that really loved on us.
01:02:44.500 | So that's really the only way that, you know, at least my family here in the U S was able
01:02:49.160 | to, um, just to survive and be sustained.
01:02:54.440 | Um, I think one of, one of the bigger things also that we, we had to tackle is, I did mention
01:03:03.000 | that there's logistics after somebody passes, unfortunately for us, my dad did not have
01:03:08.640 | a will, um, after he passed.
01:03:11.500 | So the big, the big elephant in the room here is like, what's going to happen to my dad's
01:03:19.760 | dad's house.
01:03:20.760 | My dad has two houses.
01:03:22.120 | One is his home office.
01:03:23.560 | One is the other home that my mom lives in.
01:03:27.800 | And so there's two homes to tackle with.
01:03:30.320 | There's my dad's own business to tackle with.
01:03:33.560 | And some of his cars, his possession, his bank accounts.
01:03:37.080 | So because he doesn't have a will, what do we do with, with these, right.
01:03:41.720 | And where does my mom come into picture because they've been separated for years, not divorced,
01:03:48.120 | but separated.
01:03:49.120 | Um, where does my brother get into this picture?
01:03:52.280 | Where do I come into the picture and where do my half siblings come into the picture?
01:03:56.800 | So this is really a mess.
01:03:58.160 | You know, we have two different families, you know, that my dad had and, um, you know,
01:04:04.080 | how do we split up the belongings, you know, as, as morbid as that sounds, but it's something
01:04:08.760 | that has to be tackled.
01:04:10.880 | Uh, but I remember very clearly also during this time that, you know, we've had a lot
01:04:17.880 | of family meetings with my mom and my half siblings and honestly, none of us really wanted
01:04:28.140 | to get more than what dad really wanted to leave us.
01:04:32.360 | So from, from a Christian perspective, it made dealing with these logistics much easier
01:04:39.800 | because you know, to me, my dad's business is, um, I would say is fairly successful.
01:04:49.040 | It can be lucrative, you know, so if we really, if we really wanted to, to like get quote
01:04:55.600 | unquote our portion of what we deserve, it would really benefit my family here.
01:05:01.200 | But I do remember at that time that, you know, that God convicted us that these, these possessions
01:05:10.500 | are really nothing, they're ashes, they're vapor and, and that what's more important
01:05:15.720 | here is how, how we deal or how, how we, how we show love to, uh, to have siblings here
01:05:24.520 | and how do we honor, um, honor our dad that way.
01:05:28.840 | So we, so to my surprise, honestly, that all of us were able to, to make at least, um,
01:05:37.040 | make an agreement or at least agree to how we're going to tackle all these.
01:05:42.320 | And that's, that's really something that I felt like was very improbable to happen, but
01:05:48.320 | it did happen.
01:05:49.680 | And honestly, that's only through God's work and God's mercy showing to us, um, that we're
01:05:57.080 | all able to agree to how to tackle with, um, how to tackle with my dad's estates.
01:06:03.400 | Yeah.
01:06:04.400 | Yeah.
01:06:05.400 | I mean, um, if you know anything about money and everyone does, um, you know, that, that
01:06:12.200 | makes situations sticky, but, uh, what's awesome is that, you know, that this whole time there's
01:06:19.400 | this kind of God glorifying atmosphere and the, the scent of it is just continuing.
01:06:26.520 | And, you know, we get to what, what could have been a situation that easily undoes everything,
01:06:32.600 | uh, instead is a carried forward and, um, the estate is able to be divided without,
01:06:40.200 | without a fracture.
01:06:41.200 | And that's, that's, that's, that's really, that's really encouraging here.
01:06:44.800 | Yeah.
01:06:45.800 | And to paint the, even a better picture here, um, in the past, I would say our family had
01:06:52.920 | animosity towards the half siblings and also their mom who, who has passed the years ago.
01:07:01.120 | So there's always this, um, I'd say this stigma or this perception that the other family makes
01:07:08.160 | the other family have a harder time, obviously because we're all competing for my dad's time.
01:07:13.920 | So the base of the relationship from the get-go is not good.
01:07:19.480 | Um, but during my dad's memorial service, uh, I recall my mom kind of, my mom promised
01:07:30.200 | in front of our relatives and friends saying that she'll take care of my half siblings,
01:07:36.360 | you know?
01:07:37.440 | So that, that act alone is, is so, for me, it was so grand and so moving and so touching
01:07:46.000 | because from a worldly standpoint, why would you want to care for the family of the other
01:07:53.720 | family, right?
01:07:56.760 | And, and that was, um, that was really moving.
01:08:04.040 | In addition to that, during, during our talks with, um, with my half brother and half sister
01:08:11.540 | in terms of what to do with my dad's estates, they expressed that they want to take care
01:08:17.000 | of my mom, you know?
01:08:19.920 | So to my surprise, I feel like, you know, um, like what James said about God's aroma
01:08:26.220 | being in this whole situation, it's, it's so true, even on the other side.
01:08:32.120 | Um, and I remember my half siblings really expressing that, that they liked how we've
01:08:41.240 | approached this whole situation, you know, how, how they really appreciated us just giving
01:08:49.060 | the business to my half brother, you know?
01:08:51.800 | So, you know, it was to their surprise because they did not expect that.
01:08:57.000 | They expected things to be difficult, they expected us to fight over whatever's left,
01:09:02.900 | right?
01:09:03.900 | And, but that's not what happened.
01:09:06.320 | And if, if anything, really love, love was, was shown here, even though we didn't really
01:09:13.360 | have, um, a good relationship to start with.
01:09:18.280 | So, um, yeah, it was, it was really moving and touching that, you know, this, this all
01:09:24.640 | happened and I know for sure that, you know, this is what my dad would have wanted.
01:09:32.200 | It's just too bad that he didn't get to see it, um, at this, at this point.
01:09:37.000 | But this is one of those things that if someone told me that we would all get along with my
01:09:42.680 | half siblings and that my mom would take care of them and that they would offer to take
01:09:47.320 | care of my mom, I would say that there's a 0% chance, you know, at least from what I've
01:09:52.000 | seen growing up, but here we are.
01:09:55.000 | Yeah.
01:09:56.440 | And they've opened that door that they, they, um, that they are making effort to take care
01:10:03.560 | of my mom and, you know, that's, that's really moving to me.
01:10:09.320 | Wow.
01:10:10.320 | Yeah.
01:10:11.320 | Oh man, that's, that's awesome.
01:10:14.680 | That's awesome.
01:10:16.280 | Yeah.
01:10:17.280 | You know, and, and, and Chris, uh, eventually you make it back to make it back home.
01:10:22.480 | Yeah.
01:10:23.480 | The, the other miracle too, I wouldn't go in detail, but I got my passport right away.
01:10:29.480 | Um, I, I was in line waiting from one of the mornings in the, um, in the Philippine, um,
01:10:39.200 | passport office, they call it the department of foreign affairs, but I was in line since
01:10:43.040 | morning and I was looking at the people in line and they've been waiting for their passports
01:10:46.680 | since April or March of that same year.
01:10:50.200 | And me, I just applied in September.
01:10:51.600 | So I'm like, okay, shoot, am I going to be here for a few months?
01:10:56.440 | But honestly, to my surprise, um, I, I got my passport that same day and well with that
01:11:04.440 | I was able to, to fly back here in the U S after four weeks of travel and, um, my, my
01:11:12.800 | good friend Tetz, who's, who's also my boss, he offered to, to just lend me his RV so that
01:11:19.320 | I can self quarantine here before joining back civilization just because COVID was really
01:11:26.160 | rampant there.
01:11:27.160 | And it's not something I, I do want to bring back or I just want to take any precaution
01:11:33.880 | that I can to just minimize the chances that my family gets it or people from church get
01:11:40.760 | it or my friends getting it.
01:11:43.640 | Yeah.
01:11:44.640 | And what's interesting is, um, I got to see the RV and it's, it's, it's a pretty cool
01:11:49.600 | RV, but it was, it was in front of Chris's house.
01:11:53.360 | And, um, uh, during that time, you know, I got to talk, got to share and it was, it was,
01:12:01.120 | that's how this episode was born.
01:12:02.120 | You know, I was just kind of, we're just kind of talking, I was like, man, I, I want other
01:12:06.680 | people, people to hear this, you know, and, and yeah, that's, that's how, that's how this
01:12:12.040 | happened.
01:12:13.040 | But yeah, I, you know, you know, Chris, we, we kind of look back and what started off
01:12:22.240 | as like a, Oh, okay.
01:12:23.240 | My dad got COVID, you know, and you kind of move forward, uh, you know, day by day.
01:12:31.200 | And then when you come out of it, when you're finally back home, you think about the events
01:12:35.040 | that happened, um, your dad passed, passes away, um, but you know, there, there's encouraging
01:12:43.280 | signs that he did accept Christ before his passing.
01:12:46.720 | Um, your fat, the families are able to, to mend and even show, uh, acts of love and expressions
01:12:52.680 | of love.
01:12:53.680 | Um, and there's fruit of that in the, in the estate wrap up again, just so much good that
01:13:03.240 | comes out of a tragedy, you know, so much good, but that, that's, that's what struck
01:13:10.000 | struck me.
01:13:11.000 | So, so apparently, and so readily, uh, when you were sharing with me, but I think one,
01:13:19.080 | one other thing that was really clear to me too, is how much I also missed in person fellowship
01:13:26.320 | at church.
01:13:27.320 | Um, obviously I had to just log in online on zoom or video either for service or Bible
01:13:36.160 | study and, you know, being away from church for that long.
01:13:42.000 | And then my first time back, you know, worship was never sweeter and it just, everything
01:13:49.040 | just felt much weightier than, than, than it did before.
01:13:54.280 | Um, even, even me joining my mom in, in doing an online service in the Philippines, us being
01:14:01.520 | able to just talk about, talk about the sermon, talk about the verses or what was taught during
01:14:08.720 | Sunday was really a sweet time, uh, for my mom and, and for me.
01:14:15.880 | And I remember that my mom was, was saying that, you know, she, she, she's had to just
01:14:21.600 | watch service on her own for, for months or for, you know, for years.
01:14:28.640 | And you know, she, she's always seek, seeked out to, to talk to somebody or to talk to
01:14:33.880 | family about what did you learn from today's message and all that.
01:14:39.240 | And to be able to do that, you know, at least once with her back home was, was a really
01:14:43.000 | sweet memory.
01:14:45.200 | And even coming back here to the U S you know, us having, you know, a big enough facility,
01:14:51.840 | us being able to worship in person, you know, us having at least the children's ministry
01:14:58.560 | and having pastors and members who, who love on us is, you know, it's something that we
01:15:05.200 | really can't take for granted.
01:15:07.200 | Um, yeah.
01:15:09.120 | And full disclosure in the, in the Philippines, none of the churches are open.
01:15:12.880 | Everything is done online.
01:15:14.000 | So the fellowship of, you know, of doing everything in person really makes a night and day difference.
01:15:22.520 | Amen.
01:15:23.520 | Yeah.
01:15:24.520 | I think before COVID, none of us really knew how important it was.
01:15:30.040 | And now it's like, it's important.
01:15:32.360 | It's essential.
01:15:33.360 | Yeah.
01:15:34.360 | Thank you.
01:15:35.360 | Yeah.
01:15:36.360 | Right.
01:15:37.360 | It's essential.
01:15:38.360 | Absolutely.
01:15:39.360 | It is 100% essential.
01:15:40.360 | So Chris, I want to thank you for taking the time to share.
01:15:45.520 | You know, I remember when I was thinking about asking you, I had the thought in my head for
01:15:50.440 | a little bit, but yeah, I wasn't sure how it would come off.
01:15:55.120 | You know, these, these are personal feelings, you know, and I knew that that a lot of people
01:16:02.320 | be blessed by it.
01:16:03.320 | So I want to thank you for, for, for doing this with me, because I think it's not easy
01:16:08.600 | to be, to be raw, you know, about, about anything personal to us.
01:16:14.240 | So I want to thank you for that.
01:16:16.520 | Anything you want to share before we end in prayer?
01:16:20.440 | Thank you for, for just initiating to do this, because I think, even for me, as heavy as
01:16:29.040 | everything that has happened and how hard it was and how blessed I was.
01:16:36.240 | It is easy to just forget, right?
01:16:39.160 | Because you know, we're, we're kind of out of sight, out of mind type of people in general.
01:16:45.080 | You know, when things are good, we forget about the hardship when, you know, or sometimes
01:16:49.680 | we forget how God has blessed us.
01:16:52.000 | So I really appreciate you, you just having me go back and really dig into this whole
01:17:00.360 | experience because, you know, even, even going through the, these, this reflection here really
01:17:07.080 | does bless me and just put things again in perspective.
01:17:10.240 | No, and yeah, I appreciate our friendship with the years.
01:17:14.440 | I feel like even just a sharing, you know, with this, um, meet us a little closer.
01:17:21.280 | So it was, it was, it was pretty cool, but yeah, if I can, if I can just pray for, pray
01:17:26.360 | for you and pray for us, bro.
01:17:30.240 | Father we, we thank you so much, Father, that, that you are a God who takes the chaos
01:17:40.200 | and the turmoil in our life and all that is around us and you turn it into something good,
01:17:48.800 | something lasting, something eternal.
01:17:51.800 | Father, I thank you that, that you are a God who has chosen Lord to work through flawed
01:18:03.200 | human beings, flawed human beings who do not deserve your grace.
01:18:10.200 | I thank you for my brother, Chris.
01:18:12.400 | I thank you that, um, for his presence at Berean and how just through the years he's,
01:18:19.760 | he's been a faithful brother, just serving, and I, I, I thank you that as he was just
01:18:25.880 | able to, to walk small steps in faith, how you were able to carry him through it and
01:18:33.400 | just to create something so good.
01:18:36.360 | Uh, Lord, there is much pain that Chris had to go through, um, with his father, um, not
01:18:43.920 | being able to, to see him, um, in his last moments, uh, in person, but Lord, amidst the
01:18:53.000 | pain, Father, you did such a, such a work and we, we praise you for that.
01:18:59.840 | I know that death is something that is going to touch all of us, Lord.
01:19:06.480 | It touches every single human being.
01:19:08.680 | We, our prayer, Lord God, is that whoever, um, whoever Lord God, uh, needs you and calls
01:19:20.560 | on you would do so, Lord God, uh, readily and urgently because we know, Lord, that you
01:19:26.480 | are indeed close to the brokenhearted.
01:19:30.120 | You long, Lord God, for your children to run to you.
01:19:34.360 | So Father, we, we pray, Lord, that, um, in all circumstances that we would, but especially
01:19:40.920 | in dire circumstances, help our hearts never to be far, uh, never to be closed off, but,
01:19:47.720 | uh, to, to, to be where you would want us to be, which is abiding in you, Father.
01:19:54.000 | So we pray all these things, um, I pray for the family, for, for, um, for Chris's family.
01:20:01.760 | Thank you for, for mending them.
01:20:03.800 | We pray, Lord, that you will continue to work in their hearts.
01:20:07.920 | Thank you for the testimony of, of love that you were able to produce.
01:20:12.920 | We pray all these things in your name, your son, amen.
01:20:17.640 | Amen.
01:20:18.640 | All right.
01:20:19.640 | And with that, we are out.
01:20:23.080 | We are out indeed.
01:20:25.960 | So before I end this episode, I just want to say a few words.
01:20:30.500 | You know what the wrap up of this episode, it marks just a little over a year since I
01:20:35.800 | began podcasting.
01:20:37.900 | When I originally started this, I wasn't sure how long I would keep going.
01:20:42.680 | I figured it'd be a year or two, then I will call it quits.
01:20:45.880 | Well, it's been about a year and that timeline as of now does seem realistic, but who knows?
01:20:53.480 | Maybe the fog of war will continue to be extremely thick.
01:20:56.200 | I have no idea what the future holds.
01:21:00.320 | Maybe I'll just say what the heck and I'll go for 10 years.
01:21:04.880 | Look, whatever the case, I do hope more and more dialogue about a quote unquote sensitive
01:21:13.080 | topics will occur in the context of love.
01:21:17.880 | The reason I say that is keeping more and more topics out of reach when those are the
01:21:22.520 | exact topics of confusion won't do anyone any good.
01:21:29.560 | With that said, thanks for making it to the end.
01:21:33.240 | I'll continue to try to make the journey worth it.
01:21:37.320 | To him be honor, glory, and eternal dominion.
01:22:04.880 | [music]
01:22:10.720 | (upbeat music)
01:22:13.300 | (upbeat music)