I am James Hong and welcome to the Surpassing Value Podcast. The fuel and desire for this podcast was born out of a compulsion to flesh out what's been going on in the midst of an ocean of megaphones that may not actually withstand the test of scrutiny. As a signpost theologian, I will do my best to filter out the impurities and point people in the right direction.

In this bonus episode, I asked a brother of mine if he'd be willing to sit down with me to hash out some recent events that occurred in his life. This brother's name is Chris Fongrey, which is why the title of this episode is called "On Dewey Po Fongrey." Dewey passed away this year due to COVID and this interview is my brother Chris's retelling of the events before and after, but it's more than just a narration.

It's a retelling of God's grace and goodness, not only in Chris's life, but of all the members of Dewey's family. Quick note here, nothing said in this episode should be extrapolated as an extension of some opinion about COVID one way or another. I've already done that many times, particularly in some of my recent Facebook posts.

This story is meant solely as a means to bless the here. So Chris and I hope it will do just that. Listen and enjoy. All right. So as stated in this bonus episode, I'm going to be talking to my brother, Chris. Chris and I have been attending the same church for quite a bit of time now.

He's a dear brother to me. When he came back from the Philippines, we had a chance to talk and as he was just kind of sharing with me what he's been through, some of the insights that God was revealing to him and giving to him, I was moved. I was incredibly moved.

I was incredibly blessed. So I kind of want to share that. I invited Chris to be interviewed on this episode to kind of share what he shared with me. So with that said, I know that there's a handful of you who listen to this podcast who don't attend Berean Community Church.

So I asked Chris, before he shares, if he can kind of just share who he is, a little bit about his life to put everything into context. So Chris, if you can kind of say hi and just share a little bit about yourself. Hi, everyone. My name is Chris Fongrey.

I have been coming to Berean Community Church since 2009. I was born and raised actually in the Philippines and I've lived there for 18 years, moved to America at age 18. And I'm currently married, happily married, and with one beautiful daughter and here we are. Yeah. Yeah. You know, when Chris first came to church, I remember Chris because he was good at like so many different things and he was really good at so many different things.

He was really good at pool. He got really good at basketball. And so he's the type of guy that you meet, you would find extremely interesting because not only because of his life, but because he has all these little things, little traits and little hobbies that he's really good at.

But that's the thing that initially stuck out to me. And then as I got to know Chris, I got to know a brother who really loved the Lord and what was really cool was to see him and his wife Susan date and then get married. And you know, they've been and now they have a daughter Emery and the Fongre family has been a huge blessing, both individually before they got married and now obviously as a family, they've been a huge blessing to our church.

So I did want to say that. But going into the kind of the meat of our episode here, you know, Chris, this year hasn't been the easiest of years. I think that, you know, with the advent of COVID, there's been a lot of different effects it's had on different people, but also the effect it's had on families, churches, societies and nations.

And for you, it did affect you in a certain way. And that's why we're here talking about that. But I want to kind of go back, Chris, and I want to go back and I want you to start tell us a little bit about your family dynamics and break that down for us because that's going to be relevant for this interview.

Yeah, so I did mention earlier, I was born and raised in the Philippines, I was raised in a home that doesn't really believe in God. My mom and dad has had marital issues all throughout my existence. So you know, my mom has mentioned that, you know, they've been quarreling ever since they've been dating or even before they got married.

Well, with that said, I grew up in a very turbulent home. There's a lot of, I would say, painful memories, a lot of fights, a lot of moving around, a lot of moving houses, and, you know, holidays broken. And those, I would say those painful times do have an effect with my younger brother and I.

So we can honestly say like, you know, we've we both had a rough childhood because of the marital issues that my parents had. With that said, when I turned 18, my parents did, or my mom did want me to study in the US for hopes of a better, you know, just future.

So our family was already kind of shaky, but now you add in distance. So now I live far from my mom, I live far from my dad, and I live far from my younger brother. So my mom, my mom and dad still resided in the Philippines, and my younger brother recently moved to Thailand.

So I think, I think not only was all our relationships not very, not very stable, or we're not exactly very close, then you add in, you know, the physical distance as well. Yeah, yeah. So so, you know, I want to talk about with that with that understanding, I kind of want to talk about what happened with your dad.

This year, you received news that your dad had COVID, right? And we'll kind of take it from there. When did you find out? How did you find out? And what were your thoughts at the time? So my dad initially shared with me that he he wasn't feeling very well.

And like any other day, I, I treat it as like, maybe he just has a cold or cough or fever, or just any other sickness that was around early September. And my dad is a very, like strong, happy go lucky guy. So he also did not treat it as like anything serious at that moment.

So, you know, in in no instance, shape, way or form did I did I ever think that, you know, it's going to be something very serious from the beginning. And then it continued to progress, right? The complications continue to progress. Yeah, it did continue to progress. A few days later, he, you know, they shared that he's going to be taken to the hospital and just be given like supplementary oxygen treatment, which at that time, it didn't seem it still didn't seem that serious.

But by the same time, I did get news that in the COVID in Philippines was was very, very serious. At that moment, it was very prevalent. About 25 to 30% of people that that get tested test positive for COVID. So we do know that this is, you know, this is rampant and very, very starting to be very widespread over there.

Yeah, yeah. And, you know, your is your dad a smoker? Or is he? Yeah, so one of the few things that my dad really has going against him is my dad doesn't really exercise. My dad is a chain smoker, he had diabetes, he had very high cholesterol, he had high blood pressure.

So I'm, you know, looking back after what happened to my dad, those things were extremely clear now on why COVID really ravaged his health really quickly. But at that moment, I don't think I was really adding all those things up, even though I knew about all those pre existing conditions.

Yeah. And are you are you talking to your dad during during this time? Or? Yes, yes. I have been talking to my dad regularly. Even though I did express or convey that, you know, my family's dynamic or relationship isn't that great, I, as a Christian, I've been convicted over the years that it doesn't mean that relationship is hard that we should sever it or we should cut it, you know, we, we are taught to love people that are hard to love.

And for me, the hardest ones to love is my direct family, you know, it could mean my dad, my mom and my younger brother. And I'm very thankful, you know, for keeping the relationship healthy as much as I can with my dad and with my mom and with my younger brother, even though none of none of them really talk to each other.

So you know, at that time that when we found out my dad was sick, my dad and my mom weren't in talking terms, my mom and my brother were not in talking terms. And my brother, my dad haven't talked for years. Yeah, you know, Chris, like, when you were telling me your story, and, and we can talk about that later.

But you know, you know, we talked when you got back and you had a little RV and there's reasons for that. But you know, when you're telling your story, one thing I really appreciated was that, you know, when, when Christ claims our life, he wants us to be preservatives, he wants us to be the aroma of Christ in the spheres of life that that we have in our own life, you know, and I was really encouraged when you shared how, you know, you might not have the same type of, of kind of like, bond that you have, maybe with like, your dad, and maybe someone else has, who's had all these memories, and I'm the same, I don't I don't really have that kind of intense love of my father based on memories that we had or anything like that, because we had a strained relationship too.

But especially as as we, as we are growing, as we are sanctified, and as we're called to love those around us, our families are the first ones around us, you know, and I was really encouraged that, you know, as you were kind of sharing with me, you know, you, over the years, you were convicted to just hold on to your family and to reach out, and to share the gospel with them.

And it seems like, yeah, that was your conviction, too, you know, and I appreciated that. Can you can you walk us through that a little bit, like, how, like in your head and in your heart, how that kind of played out? And why that that was such a conviction for you?

Well, as, as my parents knew, know that around 2013, I did accept Christ, which is about four or five years after I moved to the US. And, you know, we, we are always taught that we, as James mentioned that we, we want to be an aroma of Christ. But obviously, if I were to just trust in my own, my own heart and my own selfish desire to make life easy, then it is much easier not to deal with my family.

And if anything, being far away from them makes makes it a lot easier that I don't, you know, that I have less arguments with them, a lot less tension, a lot less strife. But I've come to realize that, you know, the first ones we need to minister to is our family.

If we claim to have been changed by by Christ, and then the first the first place we need to minister to is, you know, the people immediately close to us, you know, how can I claim that, you know, I, I love Christ, and I love others when even the one closest to me are, I ignore, or I, I leave, I leave alone, I leave behind and so over the years, that's, that's, that's been a strong conviction of mine.

And if anything, over the years, even though I live in the US, and my family lives in the Philippines, our relationship has grown and despite any arguments we've had with my parents and my brother, we've always come to reconciliation and just come back to terms and just find ways to restore the relationship.

One of the things I did share or have been sharing with my dad and my brother is that I openly tell them that they're very hard to love. And that if we're up to me, life is much easier without them. Those are extremely harsh things to say. But at the same time, I did tell them that, you know, I love you, because Christ loved us first.

And we're not, not because we're easy to love, that we're deserving of his love, but because God just loves us, right, despite of, and I do want to love my family, despite of, you know, not not because they're easy to love, or they make me extremely happy every day, they give me presents, you know, it's not, there's, there's not really much for me to gain, to be honest.

But, but that's been my conviction and motivation over the years. And that's, that's, that's great, because, you know, when Christ transforms us, it should have an impact on our conduct, you know, and if it doesn't, you know, that's something to consider. But, but yeah, Chris, I was, I was, I was really encouraged to see that kind of play out.

And even here, but all this is going on in September. And at some point, you realize, I got to go to Manila, right at some point, walk us through that when, when, when did that realization hit, and, and walk us through some of the events that occurred because of it.

Around September 8, or so, I got a phone call from my dad. Actually, I got a phone call from my mom. My mom told me frantic, very frantic saying that my dad's about to be intubated. And as soon as I got that phone call, I called my dad right away just to check up on him.

And my dad just told me, hey, I have to go, I'm about to be intubated, I love you. And then he hung up. At that moment, I was still like, in somewhat of a shock. My dad is not really the most tender guy. So for him to say that it was, it was, it was very monumental, very heavy.

But that moment, even though the term intubated doesn't, it doesn't really weigh much on me at that moment, because we've read it in the news a lot where, you know, that's one possible outcome when people, you know, get COVID is they get intubated and hopefully they get better. But when I started sharing it, the news to some of my friends, one of them, one of them was kind of like sending me articles saying that, hey, if someone's intubated, it's going to be 50/50.

But I think he was being kind because apparently intubation means like more like a 20% chance of someone's, you know, surviving that. And I think it was more so after sharing it with my friends, and I realized that, okay, I do have to go home. And I do have to make plans.

I also think if I remember what I'm feeling at that time is, in my own heart, I also selfishly didn't want to go back to the Philippines yet. Life is busy as it is here. I have a wife and one daughter. And it is really a trek to go back to the Philippines, especially during the high rise and high rate of COVID there.

So I think selfishly in my heart, I was thinking like, hey, maybe I don't really need to go back. You know, what am I going to do when I go back there? There's going to be travel plans, there's quarantine, you know, how do I deal with all that logistics?

Furthermore, my passport has been expired, and it was expired during COVID time. And there was a good amount of time where the Philippine consulate was closed. And due to that, I wasn't able to renew my passport. And there's just really no way for me to go back home. You know, no means no way, there's too many hurdles, too much logistics.

And you know, in my heart, I selfishly just like, this is going to amount to nothing, you know, maybe I don't need to go back home. So what happens after that? Well, what happened after that is, I did talk to my younger brother. So one of the first things I did do after finding out this news is I reached out to my younger brother, I saw this as a unique opportunity to let my brother know, be like, look, my dad is really sick.

He's in the hospital, he's about to be intubated. And I feel like, you know, you should make amends and you should reconcile, you know, all the years that you guys have had away and angry at each other. And we just don't know what how this is going to pan out.

So for me, I, if anything, I put the sense of urgency to onto my brother rather than to myself at that moment, because I saw it as an opportunity, you know, for him to reach out to my dad and at least, you know, at least attempt to make reconciliation there.

If anything, my brother kind of came back at me saying like, hey, I'm making my travel plans. Are you making travel plans? Right. So all of a sudden, I think, you know, I got I got the same message that I gave my brother that this is this is urgent, right, and except the except the motivation was coming from a different place for him.

It's more so a challenge, you know, like I'm challenging him to go there and reconcile. But he told me that, are you even going to be there? You're probably not even going to make plans and travel back home, right? And I said, I will, even though at that moment, I don't really know how I'm going to do so.

So I think that's when I really started to explore, like, how can I renew my passport? How can I travel even though it's expired? And how can I leave my family for this long or however long it's going to be? Yeah, so so what happens after that? What happened after that is that night, I started looking online for some sort of a resource where I can talk to somebody at a consulate and I found an emergency hotline to I guess distressed Filipino nationals.

And so I was able to call that and I explained to them the situation about my dad being intubated and and how his condition is continuing to to get worse. So what what are my options to to travel home despite my passport being expired? And I think honestly, by by God's grace, the person I talked to really listened to to my situation and told and share with me, you know, her insight on what I can do.

And she suggested that I apply for an emergency travel document. Pretty much it will serve as a passport. It's a one way ticket passport to the Philippines, which means that I can I can just travel one way but not not coming back to the US. And that's something I'll have to figure out after the fact.

And you know, this lady I talked to on the phone gave me a list of requirements. And she told me that if I booked the ticket that day and show her proof that I booked the ticket, then she'll she'll give me an appointment for the next day at the consulate to give me this emergency travel document.

So that's how we got the ball rolling. And furthermore, I shared the news to my bosses at work, and one of them is one of my dear friends Tetz. And right away when I shared with them the news, they they really made this, you know, this this journey much easier, they immediately told me like, hey, don't worry about work, you should make travel plans to go to the Philippines, because this is serious, you know, so don't wait too long, we'll even take care of the plane ticket for you, you know, so all of a sudden, you know, a lot of my own worries and concerns are just starting to to get, you know, fixed per se, you know, on its own, or the path has is kind of like being shown to me.

And a lot of these things I really did not expect to happen. And needless to say, my work bought my plane ticket, I provided the requirements to the to the Philippine consulate, and they gave me an appointment, then the very next day, I only had to wait six hours, the Philippine consulate, but I did get the travel document that same day, which to me, is a miracle on its own.

I've been trying for months to get my passport renewed. And I can't even talk to anyone on the phone for months. But here you're able to get it in a day, it's a long day, but you're able to get it in day in a day, not all not only that, initially, I my, my main concern is like, let's do baby steps and just figure out how I can get to the Philippines, and worry about how to come back.

But during the same day, also, I explained my situation to, to the officer and the consulate, and they were able to renew my passport with at least a just a pickup place in the Philippines. So I can travel one way one way back to Manila, and pick up my passport while I'm in Manila, which makes this whole situation, you know, I would say a lot easier, or relatively easier.

At least I have a ticket way back. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, you fly out, right, fly out, you land. But obviously, you got to quarantine for a little bit. Right? Yeah. So that's, that's the, the other hurdle that I have to, I was thinking that I could figure it out when I get there.

I have a lot of friends, a lot of relatives who knows, I would say relatively powerful people, some people that may work in a government, some people with like big businesses, who's good friends with somebody. So I guess I was thinking that I had confidence that I should be able to get out of quarantine to see my dad.

The requirement at that time for quarantine is 10 days in a facility that's approved by the government, which, which means that I'd be, you know, I'd be required to stay in in a hotel facility for that long. Furthermore, the other hurdle, which I say, I, you know, I thought to myself back then that I'll figure it out later is my dad's in the ICU, you know, especially during the height of COVID.

They don't really let people into the ICU. But I also thought that since my, one of my cousins is one of the, the doctor, residence doctor there, that he could, you know, find a way for me to see my dad if, if the time does come where it's really urgent for me to see my dad.

So a lot of these things, I would say I, I had my own, I trusted in my own self-confidence or I was thinking that it's something I could just figure out on my own, but, but it was, it was something quarantine, quarantine back there, something that I couldn't get out of regardless, regardless of any effort, any will, any wit, any connection, or any effort of mine just fell flat.

You know, I couldn't get out of it. Man. So, so here you are, where, where exactly are you quarantining? Sorry, what? Where exactly are you quarantining in the Philippines? Okay. So I was quarantining in a, in a hotel, like a few minutes from my residence in the Philippines. It was a hotel reserve by my mom, you know, for 10 days, it wasn't really a nice hotel, you know?

And if, if anything, that hotel room really just revealed the, the life, the comfort of life that I have here in the, in the U S you know, the room had the worst bed. You know, it's not just hard, but it's all crooked. There was roaches or termites in the room.

There's no hot water. It's probably the worst coffee I've tasted in my life, tasted like mud and internet speed was slow. So you name everything that the comforts that we're used to, or that I'm used to here in the U S and all that is really stripped away. So that's the kind of room that I was in.

But on the other hand, it's not, depending on which perspective I'm looking at, it's really not that bad. One it's I had enough space for sure. And there was AC, it was a TV, you know, so, and basic meals were provided even though they're kind of small portions. So yeah, I mean, the room was definitely not the most comfortable place I can be, but at the same time, I feel like one of the, to my surprise, one of the things that was a blessing to me was my room just had just so happened to be two doors down from my younger brother who's also quarantining, right?

So despite the room not being comfortable, and I had to request to be moved a few times, the last room that I decided to stay in, I just happened to be two doors down from my younger brother. So here you are, you're in the Philippines, you're quarantining, your young brother's two doors down from you.

You're wanting to see your dad. What are some of the thoughts going through your head right now at that point? I think at that point, at that point, I was putting a lot of my effort in really just getting out of quarantine, you know, and looking back now, I'm not even sure what that would have meant.

Like, what could I have contributed trying to get out of quarantine in the first place? And in two, one of the main thoughts that I had at that time was like, how can I maximize the time and the opportunity that God provided with my younger brother? The last time I saw my younger brother was when I got married, which is four years ago.

And ever since that, you know, we've just been communicating over instant message and video call, but there's a lot of miscommunication and things that's lost in translation when that happens. And, you know, so I was just more so challenged how, how can I make best use of that time in quarantine?

You know, that's one and two, I had grand plans. I was thinking like, okay, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in the room by myself. I have a lot of free time all of a sudden, what am I going to do with this free time? So I even made, made an Excel sheet of some sort or a spreadsheet kind of aligning, like, okay, how much should I read?

I had, I was, at that time I was trying to memorize Titus. Maybe I should start working out just in my, on my own in the room. Maybe I'll go through some, some studying for my work. So I, so all of a sudden I felt like I'm in like some sort of bootcamp and trying to maximize this alone time that I never thought I'd have, right.

But you know, it didn't take very long for at least my dad's situation to unravel while I was in quarantine. I think about day four of quarantine is like day three or four when my dad's situation or health status really went south. And on September 18, that night or that day, you know, we, we got the status that my dad got sepsis and he, his heart rate was really high and his situation is just starting to deteriorate and go south and, you know, the doctors are just trying to treat him, you know, as best as they can.

That same night we, we were alerted that my dad could suffer internal bleeding and I recall my mom asking me what we need to do because the options are either give him like some clotting medicine to stop, to prevent internal bleeding or to let him bleed out. The downside of giving him the clotting medicine is that he could suffer a stroke or get into cardiac arrest or that's what we were told.

So my mom asked me what my opinion was or what, what choice should we take in this situation? Normally when I'm given like a situation, whether to pick A or B, I'd probably try to weigh, okay, why is A better? Why is B better? What's the downside? I'm like, okay, usually there's some sort of a clear answer of what, what's a better highly probable path.

But during this time, I think when it was about my dad's life on the line now, I really could not make a choice. There's, it is an impossible choice. It's either, you know, let, let my dad bleed out or let my dad potentially highly likely suffer a stroke or get cardiac arrest.

So I did defer to my half brother who's, you know, who, who just started to be in the picture in my life because of what happened to my dad here. And this half brother of mine is, um, has been living with my dad actually physically for, you know, as, as long as I can remember.

So he is the closest person to my dad physically and emotionally. So I did defer to him and I, and I told him that, Hey, look, I, even though I'm the eldest brother, I believe that you're the closest to dad. So can you, you know, I would trust in your opinion and what, what your take is on what you think dad would want.

And he, his name is Michael. So Michael expressed that, um, dad would like to fight so that we cannot let him bleed out as much as possible. Right. And we'll just roll the dice, take the chance here. And even at the risk of, um, the side effects of the clotting medicine.

And you know, it wasn't, it didn't really take very long, um, that my mom called me, uh, really crying saying that, uh, my dad's going to get to into cardiac arrest. And, um, we were told to just have our own, you know, our own moments with dad on the phone just to tell him our last words and, you know, for us to just take time together.

At this time, uh, my younger brother came out of his quarantine room, met me in the hallway, just crying and just, and just really broken by, by this whole news. Cause you know, none of us really expected for my dad's situation to go south so quickly. Um, and when it was my turn to have a video call with my dad, um, one of, one of the things that I was convicted to do at that point was to, to give my own last moments of personal time with my dad to my younger brother.

Um, it, it really felt that my, my younger brother had a lot more things to say, a lot more things to reconcile with my dad because he, he really hasn't this whole time. And it's also for me, um, the biggest gift I can give to my younger brother to show him love by giving him, you know, the more moments with my dad as much as he can.

And at that time, my brother just poured out, you know, all the, all the negative things that has happened to them and you know, how sorry he was and that he, he wished things were better and that he loved him. And you know, and for, and for me that was, that was really worth giving, giving that time to him, you know, just so they can at least reconcile or at least have my dad here that, you know, my younger brother and I did come physically to visit him.

And, um, yeah, that was, that was really our last phone call with my dad. And at this point, obviously my dad was unresponsive, but, um, I could tell at least, you know, from, from looking at my dad that he could hear us. And for me, that was, that was enough.

So this is FaceTime. Yeah, this is FaceTime. Yeah, the, the, the nurse that's watching my dad in the, uh, in the ICU, uh, gave us like just FaceTime with him. My dad was really not responsive at this point, but I could, I could tell he could hear us because it seems like that he had tears and, um, yeah, it was, it was really a hard, hard moment because, um, it's, my dad's usually a very strong presence, strong guy.

So to see him in this state at the end of his life was, was really hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, you know, like, uh, you know, Chris, I, I remember when you were telling me this story, but also when I, when I, uh, when I heard from, um, Susan that, you know, you were still in quarantine, you know, when this went down, um, I, I remember feeling incredibly indignant over the entire situation, but I, at the same time, I was thankful that, that you were, as a family, you guys were still able to, to see each other, even though it was digitally, you know, um, that, that, that at least is better than over the phone because over the phone he's unresponsive, he can't talk, but at least over FaceTime, um, you're able to see kind of like the emotions on his, on his face and you can, you can tell that he can kind of understand what's, what's being said.

Yeah. You know, um, at, at, at this point in time, can you just kind of like talk about, um, what are your thoughts internally? I mean, this is, this is a lot to go through. You know, you've, you've just arrived in the Philippines, you haven't seen your brother in a while, these two doors down, and this is the fourth day in quarantine.

Yeah. About the fourth day in quarantine. Yeah. So I think one of the, the main things here is that around within those four, four days, you know, my, my mom and I talked a lot, my younger brother and my mom started talking a lot too, which, you know, the communication started opening up and restoration and reconciliation started to happen.

I'd say one of the urgent things here that my mom, you know, kept reminding me is that my dad, you know, hasn't accepted Christ and Christ is definitely not present in his life. And, um, I do, I do recall very clearly that after just shortly right after my dad passed, I'll obviously all of us were in pain and mourning already, but my mom, my mom mentioned to me that my mom and my aunt did, did ask him again in his, in his deathbed to, to accept Christ as Lord and savior, that he is a sinner and that only through him that all of us are saved.

And, um, and my mom did express that my dad nodded to her, nodded to my aunt and as casual as, as nodding sounds, um, my dad's personality, at least for people that do know him, he's not the type to, to just do that. You know, he's the type of person that will just not submit to anything if he, if he believes in something or does not believe in something.

So he's, he's just a very stubborn guy, you know, he's not, he's not going to just give in to, to some sort of pressure or peer pressure. Um, so as much as we're mourning that, that moment when my mom shared that with me, it, it did give our family some comfort.

I also recall that my younger brother expressed verbally to my dad saying that, Hey, um, you know, I, I, I believe in, I'm starting to believe in Jesus and I believe that hopefully one day that I get to see you again in heaven. And it's because I think for my younger brother, as much as he said his piece to my, you know, to my dad, trying to reconcile things, he didn't feel like he had closure, um, and that he'd still want, want one day to be able to see my dad and at least talk to him, I'm sure hug him and at least express a lot of the things that he wasn't able to express over the years.

So I, I, I saw immediately that because that was one of the first few times that I saw right away that whatever is happening to my dad has already had ripple effects in God's hand was definitely in, in, in this situation and it's very, very clear, you know, I made my brother start to believe my brother made my brother start to hope it opened up relationship with my half brother and half sister who I'd never had a relationship with, um, start to reconcile my, my mom with my brother and start to soften everyone's heart and, um, and just reveal and just even be oddly thankful or oddly be at peace that my dad passed that there is some hope or some chance that my dad did genuinely accept Christ.

So it was, it was an odd moment of peace despite the pain in that situation and, um, that really gave us comfort at that moment. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember when you, when you shared that with me and I, I was thinking to myself, only Christ could bring that kind of peace and only, only Christ could take such a, such a tragedy and such a painful moment and create something beautiful out of it.

You know, like it's, it's, you know, it's like a, a box, like a box full of ashes, you know, and then, you know, we give God these, this, this box full of ashes and then he creates something beautiful out of it. And I, I remember that's, that's, that's how I felt when you, when you were, when you were sharing that with me and you know, in, in, in previous conversations I do remember, um, you shared a little bit about your dad before, um, he kind of has a large personality and like you, you stated, you know, he's not the type to just like give in, you know what I mean, if, if he didn't believe it, he would have just maybe shook his head or just, you know, not nodded at least, you know, but it's, it's great to hear that, you know, in that moment, um, he nodded, you know, he nodded and so, yeah, I mean, um, no doubt, um, those last couple of moments where even your brother is sharing the, the effect that Christ is having on him, even that was seemingly a pivotal witness in your dad's life and all of this is coming together and you know, all the times you told your dad, look, I'm just being honest with you, I probably wouldn't love you but for Christ, you know, you're, you're sharing these things as a witness, you know, and you know, you're just, it started off as just like a faithful, faithfulness to conviction that I have to love my family even though they're hard and even though they're far away.

And now all of that is coming full circle here, all of that is coming full circle and um, yeah, you, you kind of see why everything was said and you see kind of God's design, right? Yeah. And, and, and, you know, you're, you're still stuck in quarantine, right Chris?

Yeah, I'm still stuck in quarantine and at this point I, I shared with my closest friends what happened, um, share with Susan, obviously, and I, I would, I would really say that at that moment, nothing, I felt numb, nothing really was comforting in terms of like whatever somebody said or told me, you know, about, um, that, that they feel really bad or just to send me condolences and you know, those, those are at, at that very moment, those didn't really give me a sense of comfort and oddly enough, well, maybe not oddly enough, but when someone really told me that, you know, they, they would pray for me and, um, that, that they are mourning with me, those, those things really felt weighty, um, and those, those felt much more valuable at that moment because I think outside of outside of my dad really accepting Christ, I felt like a failure.

I felt like I was defeated and there's nothing that I could do to, to make things better. So, um, if anything, those, those moments really just humbled me and that only prayer and only God was, was the source of comfort. Um, I think casually, you know, when people do say that, Hey, I'll, I'll pray for you.

I feel like in a lot of the moments that someone mentions that to me, it, it, it didn't feel as weighty as it did, as it did at that moment, because I can't say for sure my dad is saved or was saved or did he really genuinely accept Christ.

But with, with someone's prayer and, um, we're just reminded that it's not really up to us, right? It's not by our own efforts. It's not by our own confidence. I can't really judge, you know, or if my dad was genuinely repentant at that time. So it's really humbling to us to say like, God, that's up to you.

If you show us your mercy, you know, I really pray that my dad, my dad is really like saved or is with you. So, um, yeah, I did have a few video calls either with, with Susan or even Pastor Peter Chung and with John and, um, and I was, I was really just broken.

There's just too many emotions at that time and I didn't know how to process it. Yeah, man. So, you know, um, how much longer does quarantine last for you? Cause this is, this is day four when it happens and yeah, there would be another five or six days. Yeah.

Yeah. And I recall that this whole time that I was in quarantine, I was probably on hold on the phone for maybe four hours a day or so. And I'm talking to whoever I can, I can, I can kind of plead with initially my pleading was because my dad was in the, in the ICU next thing, next thing I was pleading cause my dad is, is dying, you know, to let me out and I still get a no or like, we don't know yet.

We're processing things. I was just getting the runaround and now I'm, I'm, I'm concerned because I'm saying like, okay, my dad died, you know, um, I, I don't want to miss a potential wake or I still want to see his body and like, I want to have that moment.

So at that moment I honestly felt entitled that I, I really deserve that time with my dad. Um, even though he already passed and um, one of the regulations actually in the Philippines at that moment was that if someone dies of COVID that it's mandatory to get cremated in 24 hours.

So uh, you know, I, I, I shared that with, um, with the government entity that's in charge of quarantine and you know, I still got denied. So you know, we're, we're just trying to find ways or I'm trying to find at least a way for me to see my dad in some sort of way, whether initially it was like to see him in the ICU if possible.

Okay. No, that's not possible. Can I at least see his, his, uh, remains? Okay. That's not possible. Now my dad had to be cremated. And even prior to that, um, the, I guess it's customary in the Philippines to drive the body to some of, uh, you know, the, the person that passed, um, to their favorite places.

And so we were able to actually request to have the car drive past the quarantine hotel we're in. So the last time I quote unquote saw my dad was 25 floors up in a building looking at a car where my, you know, my dad's dead body is inside. And it just felt like a slap in my face.

I was like, okay, I came halfway across the world to see this, you know, and, um, and that was hard. Um, and it's shortly after that, my dad got cremated and now I'm trying to still trying to draw straws and trying to find ways how I can at least go to my dad's wake.

During that time, um, you're not even allowed to have a wake because any, any type of gathering is not allowed, especially if it's due to COVID. Um, but my mom, my mom is very, um, she's a go getter and she, she really gets things done. So she found a way or managed a way to, to convince the, um, to convince the facility to, to give my dad a wake and the wake is going to be for four days or something.

And so I'm trying to find a way still to get, to get out of quarantine to at least attend my dad's wake. I at least want to have a ceremony where I'm there and at least to, to have some sort of closure and it kind of sucks too, because you know, that facility, as much as they allowed us to have a wake, they, they were going to charge us a thousand US dollars per day just to extend.

So we had, you know, we had to extend two full days, uh, just so I can go to the wake the day after I get out. Um, you know, at that moment, obviously I was, I was very angry. I was very angry. I can't get out. I was very angry.

I can't get my way. I was, I was angry. I didn't see my dad or, you know, get to see even my dad's dead body. Um, so I did feel anger. Um, and apart from that, I also felt a lot of regret, a lot of shame, a lot of guilt, you know, all these emotions start coming in.

And I remember thinking that whether I was a good son or not, whether I showed him enough love, whether I've given him enough time of day. So I, I remember during, during quarantine, especially after his death, that I was sleeping only two hours a day and that I, I would just have all these memories with my dad where I felt like I could have done better.

Was I a good witness? Did I love him enough? So, and a lot of these emotions, I really couldn't share with my immediate family as because they also had regrets, right? If anything, my younger brother and my mom had a worse relationship with my dad, you know, so I can't really share a lot of, a lot of these things or a lot of the feelings, a lot of the struggles because I also didn't want them to feel worse.

If I had regrets, what more my younger brother, what more my mom, you know? And when I was, you know, when, when I had time to be comforted with or by my friend or comforted by Susan, I, I also found it very hard to share. So I, I really had nowhere to go to, to really find comfort outside of prayer and, and you know, for me, it, Susan kept reminding me that, you know, God is closer to brokenhearted and I felt, never felt that to be more true outside of that time.

So man, yeah, that, that's a, that's a lot to swallow, you know? I think anyone would feel angry at that moment. There's a lot of cruelty there, you know, there's a, there's a, there's a lot of cruelty there. And the way you describe, you're only able to, you flew across the world and you're only able to see your, your dad's body from 25 floors up.

Wow, you know, wow, that's, wow. So quarantine eventually ends. What happens after that? Yeah, quarantine eventually ends and it really felt surreal, felt like freedom. I think the motivation now to get out of quarantine is, is really so that I can be with my mom because, you know, my mom was really mourning on her own and I do want to comfort her.

And there are apparently a lot of logistics after somebody passes. So that's the other, that's the other thing that we, we have to tackle. But by God's grace, we, we, we were able to, one, have a wake, two, even extend the number of days where there's a wake and even have a Christian ceremony at, you know, at the very last day, we, I was, I was actually tasked to, to write a eulogy for my dad the day, the day before the, the actual ceremony.

And, you know, fortunately enough, I, during, during my stay in quarantine, since I had a really hard time expressing what I felt, I just started writing and I just started writing my memories of my dad and what I've gone through in this journey, just so that I don't lose perspective of what's important.

I don't lose perspective of what God continues to show me and continues to teach me during this painful process. So, and I think that that was really pivotal and that helped, at least helped me express, helped me digest what I'm feeling and also helped me to, to share, at least in my dad's memorial service, helped me to share who my dad is and how God has been present this, this entire time.

So if anything, the memorial service was, it was held by a Christian pastor and it was, it was really a, it became a platform to be able to share the gospel, to share what we believe in and to share the peace that we, you know, that we do have, that maybe my dad is in heaven, maybe he's in a better place.

And even share immediately what, how God has been working in all our lives, even during this painful time to, to even unite our family, despite my dad passing. So I, you know, I really appreciated that as much as I didn't get to see my dad, I was able to share a lot about God's work during this hard time to my relatives that was in the wake and to, yeah, to my loved ones.

After the wake, you don't come home right away, right? You spend a little time. Yeah. There's, there's temptation to just come back, to come back right away. But I, there's a few hurdles though. One is I still don't have my passport. So the hurdle number one is like, okay, um, I'm about two weeks into my trip or less than two weeks into my trip and I still don't have my physical passport.

So I don't know when, when I could get ahold of that. Without that, I cannot make my trip back here to the US. So minimally I was preparing Susan that I would be gone minimum one month. In some sense, it kind of worked out, um, nicely because, um, it does give me time to bond with my mom who's, who's also getting older, give, uh, give me time to bond with my younger brother, give me time to bond with my half siblings, you know, half brother and half sister.

Um, if anything, no, even to my surprise, after I got off quarantine, when I met up with my younger sister, who I, I never really talked to, one of the first few things we talk about right away is how Jesus is, is really present in, you know, in this whole situation.

So even to my surprise, to even have the boldness or to even have the urgency to share right away with somebody that, you know, I don't really talk to is honestly evidence of God's work because that's not something we casually just talk about out of the gate. Um, yeah, I think my dad's, my dad's death really made death much more real to me.

It made time much, much shorter. And just made, made things more urgent and much more, um, it's just much more important. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, again, you know, we come back to this, this, just this concept of how, you know, there, there's this incredible tragedy, um, but God is using it to his glory, you know, um, relationships are being mended, you know, um, the Christ is being glorified, you know, and, and it's just amazing, you know, it's just amazing to, to, to hear that how, you know, um, sometimes tragedy gives us, um, opportunities to do things that, that we wouldn't do maybe in, in almost any other situation.

And I, I know for a lot of people listening, and even for myself, um, you might not have the best relationship with your immediate family, you know, with your, with your parents. Um, that's true for so many of us, especially if you did not grow up in a Christian household, and I didn't grow up in a Christian household as well.

So I can, I can totally, um, relate to that. But, uh, in times of desperation, God is a lot easier to talk about because everything kind of comes into focus, right? So, uh, it was, it was encouraging to, to hear how that unfolded even after you come out of quarantine.

Um, there's still a lot, a lot of work to be done and a lot of things that you had to kind of take care of. And, you know, during this whole time, you know, Susan's the unsung hero, you know, she's, she's there holding the, holding the fort down and, and.

Yeah, I, one of the, if anything, during quarantine, one of the uncomfortable things is actually being away from family and also thinking that, you know, Susan's trying to tackle stuff alone here with Emory, um, but, uh, really God creates capacity, uh, in us to, you know, just to stretch us to, to deal with things that we didn't think we could deal with.

Um, you know, we're, we're thankful to have Susan's family help out. We have a really supportive, you know, church and community that really loved on us. So that's really the only way that, you know, at least my family here in the U S was able to, um, just to survive and be sustained.

Um, I think one of, one of the bigger things also that we, we had to tackle is, I did mention that there's logistics after somebody passes, unfortunately for us, my dad did not have a will, um, after he passed. So the big, the big elephant in the room here is like, what's going to happen to my dad's dad's house.

My dad has two houses. One is his home office. One is the other home that my mom lives in. And so there's two homes to tackle with. There's my dad's own business to tackle with. And some of his cars, his possession, his bank accounts. So because he doesn't have a will, what do we do with, with these, right.

And where does my mom come into picture because they've been separated for years, not divorced, but separated. Um, where does my brother get into this picture? Where do I come into the picture and where do my half siblings come into the picture? So this is really a mess. You know, we have two different families, you know, that my dad had and, um, you know, how do we split up the belongings, you know, as, as morbid as that sounds, but it's something that has to be tackled.

Uh, but I remember very clearly also during this time that, you know, we've had a lot of family meetings with my mom and my half siblings and honestly, none of us really wanted to get more than what dad really wanted to leave us. So from, from a Christian perspective, it made dealing with these logistics much easier because you know, to me, my dad's business is, um, I would say is fairly successful.

It can be lucrative, you know, so if we really, if we really wanted to, to like get quote unquote our portion of what we deserve, it would really benefit my family here. But I do remember at that time that, you know, that God convicted us that these, these possessions are really nothing, they're ashes, they're vapor and, and that what's more important here is how, how we deal or how, how we, how we show love to, uh, to have siblings here and how do we honor, um, honor our dad that way.

So we, so to my surprise, honestly, that all of us were able to, to make at least, um, make an agreement or at least agree to how we're going to tackle all these. And that's, that's really something that I felt like was very improbable to happen, but it did happen.

And honestly, that's only through God's work and God's mercy showing to us, um, that we're all able to agree to how to tackle with, um, how to tackle with my dad's estates. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, um, if you know anything about money and everyone does, um, you know, that, that makes situations sticky, but, uh, what's awesome is that, you know, that this whole time there's this kind of God glorifying atmosphere and the, the scent of it is just continuing.

And, you know, we get to what, what could have been a situation that easily undoes everything, uh, instead is a carried forward and, um, the estate is able to be divided without, without a fracture. And that's, that's, that's, that's really, that's really encouraging here. Yeah. And to paint the, even a better picture here, um, in the past, I would say our family had animosity towards the half siblings and also their mom who, who has passed the years ago.

So there's always this, um, I'd say this stigma or this perception that the other family makes the other family have a harder time, obviously because we're all competing for my dad's time. So the base of the relationship from the get-go is not good. Um, but during my dad's memorial service, uh, I recall my mom kind of, my mom promised in front of our relatives and friends saying that she'll take care of my half siblings, you know?

So that, that act alone is, is so, for me, it was so grand and so moving and so touching because from a worldly standpoint, why would you want to care for the family of the other family, right? And, and that was, um, that was really moving. In addition to that, during, during our talks with, um, with my half brother and half sister in terms of what to do with my dad's estates, they expressed that they want to take care of my mom, you know?

So to my surprise, I feel like, you know, um, like what James said about God's aroma being in this whole situation, it's, it's so true, even on the other side. Um, and I remember my half siblings really expressing that, that they liked how we've approached this whole situation, you know, how, how they really appreciated us just giving the business to my half brother, you know?

So, you know, it was to their surprise because they did not expect that. They expected things to be difficult, they expected us to fight over whatever's left, right? And, but that's not what happened. And if, if anything, really love, love was, was shown here, even though we didn't really have, um, a good relationship to start with.

So, um, yeah, it was, it was really moving and touching that, you know, this, this all happened and I know for sure that, you know, this is what my dad would have wanted. It's just too bad that he didn't get to see it, um, at this, at this point.

But this is one of those things that if someone told me that we would all get along with my half siblings and that my mom would take care of them and that they would offer to take care of my mom, I would say that there's a 0% chance, you know, at least from what I've seen growing up, but here we are.

Yeah. And they've opened that door that they, they, um, that they are making effort to take care of my mom and, you know, that's, that's really moving to me. Wow. Yeah. Oh man, that's, that's awesome. That's awesome. Yeah. You know, and, and, and Chris, uh, eventually you make it back to make it back home.

Yeah. The, the other miracle too, I wouldn't go in detail, but I got my passport right away. Um, I, I was in line waiting from one of the mornings in the, um, in the Philippine, um, passport office, they call it the department of foreign affairs, but I was in line since morning and I was looking at the people in line and they've been waiting for their passports since April or March of that same year.

And me, I just applied in September. So I'm like, okay, shoot, am I going to be here for a few months? But honestly, to my surprise, um, I, I got my passport that same day and well with that I was able to, to fly back here in the U S after four weeks of travel and, um, my, my good friend Tetz, who's, who's also my boss, he offered to, to just lend me his RV so that I can self quarantine here before joining back civilization just because COVID was really rampant there.

And it's not something I, I do want to bring back or I just want to take any precaution that I can to just minimize the chances that my family gets it or people from church get it or my friends getting it. Yeah. And what's interesting is, um, I got to see the RV and it's, it's, it's a pretty cool RV, but it was, it was in front of Chris's house.

And, um, uh, during that time, you know, I got to talk, got to share and it was, it was, that's how this episode was born. You know, I was just kind of, we're just kind of talking, I was like, man, I, I want other people, people to hear this, you know, and, and yeah, that's, that's how, that's how this happened.

But yeah, I, you know, you know, Chris, we, we kind of look back and what started off as like a, Oh, okay. My dad got COVID, you know, and you kind of move forward, uh, you know, day by day. And then when you come out of it, when you're finally back home, you think about the events that happened, um, your dad passed, passes away, um, but you know, there, there's encouraging signs that he did accept Christ before his passing.

Um, your fat, the families are able to, to mend and even show, uh, acts of love and expressions of love. Um, and there's fruit of that in the, in the estate wrap up again, just so much good that comes out of a tragedy, you know, so much good, but that, that's, that's what struck struck me.

So, so apparently, and so readily, uh, when you were sharing with me, but I think one, one other thing that was really clear to me too, is how much I also missed in person fellowship at church. Um, obviously I had to just log in online on zoom or video either for service or Bible study and, you know, being away from church for that long.

And then my first time back, you know, worship was never sweeter and it just, everything just felt much weightier than, than, than it did before. Um, even, even me joining my mom in, in doing an online service in the Philippines, us being able to just talk about, talk about the sermon, talk about the verses or what was taught during Sunday was really a sweet time, uh, for my mom and, and for me.

And I remember that my mom was, was saying that, you know, she, she, she's had to just watch service on her own for, for months or for, you know, for years. And you know, she, she's always seek, seeked out to, to talk to somebody or to talk to family about what did you learn from today's message and all that.

And to be able to do that, you know, at least once with her back home was, was a really sweet memory. And even coming back here to the U S you know, us having, you know, a big enough facility, us being able to worship in person, you know, us having at least the children's ministry and having pastors and members who, who love on us is, you know, it's something that we really can't take for granted.

Um, yeah. And full disclosure in the, in the Philippines, none of the churches are open. Everything is done online. So the fellowship of, you know, of doing everything in person really makes a night and day difference. Amen. Yeah. I think before COVID, none of us really knew how important it was.

And now it's like, it's important. It's essential. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Right. It's essential. Absolutely. It is 100% essential. So Chris, I want to thank you for taking the time to share. You know, I remember when I was thinking about asking you, I had the thought in my head for a little bit, but yeah, I wasn't sure how it would come off.

You know, these, these are personal feelings, you know, and I knew that that a lot of people be blessed by it. So I want to thank you for, for, for doing this with me, because I think it's not easy to be, to be raw, you know, about, about anything personal to us.

So I want to thank you for that. Anything you want to share before we end in prayer? Thank you for, for just initiating to do this, because I think, even for me, as heavy as everything that has happened and how hard it was and how blessed I was. It is easy to just forget, right?

Because you know, we're, we're kind of out of sight, out of mind type of people in general. You know, when things are good, we forget about the hardship when, you know, or sometimes we forget how God has blessed us. So I really appreciate you, you just having me go back and really dig into this whole experience because, you know, even, even going through the, these, this reflection here really does bless me and just put things again in perspective.

No, and yeah, I appreciate our friendship with the years. I feel like even just a sharing, you know, with this, um, meet us a little closer. So it was, it was, it was pretty cool, but yeah, if I can, if I can just pray for, pray for you and pray for us, bro.

Father we, we thank you so much, Father, that, that you are a God who takes the chaos and the turmoil in our life and all that is around us and you turn it into something good, something lasting, something eternal. Father, I thank you that, that you are a God who has chosen Lord to work through flawed human beings, flawed human beings who do not deserve your grace.

I thank you for my brother, Chris. I thank you that, um, for his presence at Berean and how just through the years he's, he's been a faithful brother, just serving, and I, I, I thank you that as he was just able to, to walk small steps in faith, how you were able to carry him through it and just to create something so good.

Uh, Lord, there is much pain that Chris had to go through, um, with his father, um, not being able to, to see him, um, in his last moments, uh, in person, but Lord, amidst the pain, Father, you did such a, such a work and we, we praise you for that.

I know that death is something that is going to touch all of us, Lord. It touches every single human being. We, our prayer, Lord God, is that whoever, um, whoever Lord God, uh, needs you and calls on you would do so, Lord God, uh, readily and urgently because we know, Lord, that you are indeed close to the brokenhearted.

You long, Lord God, for your children to run to you. So Father, we, we pray, Lord, that, um, in all circumstances that we would, but especially in dire circumstances, help our hearts never to be far, uh, never to be closed off, but, uh, to, to, to be where you would want us to be, which is abiding in you, Father.

So we pray all these things, um, I pray for the family, for, for, um, for Chris's family. Thank you for, for mending them. We pray, Lord, that you will continue to work in their hearts. Thank you for the testimony of, of love that you were able to produce. We pray all these things in your name, your son, amen.

Amen. All right. And with that, we are out. We are out indeed. So before I end this episode, I just want to say a few words. You know what the wrap up of this episode, it marks just a little over a year since I began podcasting. When I originally started this, I wasn't sure how long I would keep going.

I figured it'd be a year or two, then I will call it quits. Well, it's been about a year and that timeline as of now does seem realistic, but who knows? Maybe the fog of war will continue to be extremely thick. I have no idea what the future holds.

Maybe I'll just say what the heck and I'll go for 10 years. Look, whatever the case, I do hope more and more dialogue about a quote unquote sensitive topics will occur in the context of love. The reason I say that is keeping more and more topics out of reach when those are the exact topics of confusion won't do anyone any good.

With that said, thanks for making it to the end. I'll continue to try to make the journey worth it. To him be honor, glory, and eternal dominion. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)