- Hi, my name is Chauan. Can you guys hear me? It's good. My name is Chauan, and I'll be giving my testimony today. So I was born in Illinois and moved around a couple times growing up. And despite the moves, I was always surrounded by a loving family that provided for me and strived to bring me up in the faith.

We went to church on Sunday, and the importance of my relationship with Christ was always stressed to me. But growing up, I didn't really enjoy going to church, doing devotionals or meeting up for small groups. Christianity felt like a chore, like a long to-do list. And for the early parts of my life, my faith was really driven by fear, fear that I didn't do enough stuff or didn't like Christianity.

And if I didn't do enough stuff or I didn't like Christianity enough, I was pretty much doomed. And things carried on like this until I moved to California in middle school. My family joined a church that I found really fun. I made lots of friends, and the desire to see them and socialize with them drove me to go to church.

I was excited to go to church every Sunday, excited to help out at church events and do all the things I thought a Christian was supposed to do. I was excited by this change in heart and thought that I was finally acting like what I thought a true Christian should act like.

Unfortunately, I was under the impression that my acts alone made me a true Christian. And even worse, my motivation to act like a Christian was driven by the fun I was having at this new church. And looking back, it's apparent I still didn't fully understand Christianity. Fast forward to my sophomore year in high school, and I nearly died.

I was playing basketball for my high school and went into full cardiac arrest. Thankfully, I was resuscitated with an AED and was rushed to the hospital where doctors informed my family and myself that I'd actually been born with a congenital heart defect. My heart hadn't developed correctly and doctors recommended I undergo open heart surgery.

Immediately I was filled with fear, fear of death, fear that surgery could go wrong. And in the midst of my fear, I kept asking God, "What did I do to deserve this? I've been doing everything right, or I thought I was doing everything right, so why did this happen to me?" Obviously surgery went well because I'm here today.

But following that event, those questions still lingered. I was thankful to God that he had brought me through such a serious event, but continued to wonder what I did that could have caused it to happen. I thought that after such a life-altering experience, my life would change. I'd be imbibed with a will to do all the things I was supposed to do as a Christian.

And yet it didn't happen. When church wasn't fun anymore, my desire to serve dissipated and my desire to see Christ dissipated as well. Going into college, I carried the same questions and doubts. I knew I wouldn't have survived if it weren't for God's sovereignty and blessing, but I continued to believe that I had a part to play, that I was more significant than Christ.

It wasn't until I attended Grace Community Church at UCLA and Berean here that things really did change. It was at these churches that I really learned my depravity. No matter how hard I tried, no matter what I did, I could do nothing to get any closer to Christ. And thankfully, we have a God whose love never ceases, and I'm so grateful for the resurrection and Christ's sacrifice.

I found a new comfort and hope in knowing that even in my sin, my life is in God's hands and his plan is perfect. Looking back, I realized that there was nothing I could have done to prevent what happened to me, but God was using my struggle to show me how much I needed to depend on him.

Now I understand I'll never be a good Christian, that I need Christ because on my own, I am nothing. I want to seek him because I am destitute if I were to try and do anything on my own. My life is not my own, and because of that, it is absolutely necessary for me to give my life to Christ and pursue him with everything that I have.

Thank you.