- Good morning, church family. My name is Mary Kim, and I'm a third-year student at UCI, and this is my testimony. I was born into a Christian family and grew up going to church. From an early age, I witnessed my mom's unwavering faith in God as she raised our family, and later witnessed my two older brothers accept Christ in their early teenage years.

With a lack of personal faith and conviction, I grew up believing that I was Christian because I never disagreed with what I was taught, and I desired to be seen as an obedient, good child in the church. I trusted that Christianity was true and right because I trusted in my family's judgment.

For most of my life, my faith came secondhand. Having the right answers in Bible study and knowing how to talk about God were easy, but loving others and applying what I learned out of a genuine love for God was frustratingly difficult. I felt that God was a distant being that was always unsatisfied with how I failed to prioritize and love him enough.

I thought that everyone read the Bible and spent time in prayer out of dedication and diligence and not out of a true desire to do so. Without knowing the gospel, I tried to produce good fruit on my own, striving to achieve righteousness through my own willpower and wisdom. There came a point in early high school when I was faced with a mountain of burnout and doubt.

When I compared my faith with that of my mom and brothers, there was a stark lack of genuinity and love. My heart hardened over time with pride from my self-perceived maturity and holiness, along with the unsettling fear of facing the potential illegitimate status of my faith and God himself.

I learned to push thoughts of God and everything to do with him to the back of my mind in an act of self-preservation. I didn't want to think about whether my family's faith was foolish or whether I wasn't one of God's elect. I felt helpless because I thought I had tried my hardest to please God and do what was right.

But in reality, I saw God as someone I had to please so that he would do what I wanted and didn't understand my own sinfulness and depravity. Our family began tuning in to Berean Sunday service live streams in August 2020. Pastor Peter's expository messages and adherence to the word struck me deeply.

After growing up in a church that preached topically and often implicitly preached the gospel, I was shaken by the clarity of truth and boldness with which he faithfully preached. I felt for the first time that I could get somewhere in my faith by staying at Berean and absorbing the biblical truths that I didn't realize I was hungry for.

However, halfway into membership classes, I was asked to submit my testimony. I talked with Pastor Nate, sharing my disheartening experience of striving to be a good Christian, but not even knowing who God is to me personally. I wasn't sure what to make of my life of bitterness and lack of transformation, along with my newfound passion of learning more about God through his word at Berean.

At the end of our conversation, it was clear that I was not saved as there was never a moment of true repentance in my life. Over the next few months, I met regularly with a Berean sister in my class named Danielle Choi, and she walked me through the gospel.

God revealed to me how I never knew him and lived for him as I reflected on what I lived for. It wasn't a matter of not giving up enough of my life to God. He showed me that all of my intentions were for my own glory, satisfaction, and kingdom.

He showed me how my heart rebelled against him as I idolized myself, my relationships, and material things. I reflected on the vanity and folly of chasing after things of the world, of living for myself in worship of my broken self. After sharing with Danielle that I was questioning the way I've been living my life for the first time, she asked me what I thought I needed saving from.

In love, she firmly reminded me that coming to salvation is not a matter of choosing between life as a better fulfilled person or life as a worse flawed person. Someone's faith or lack of faith results in eternal consequences of life or death set by an eternal and holy God.

God showed me how far I had fallen from him and his holiness and in my helpless state as I understood my personal identity as a sinner. He opened my eyes to my sin and absolute need for salvation. I repented of my sin knowing that Jesus is the only one who could and did take my sins, die for me, and grant me righteousness and freedom.

For the first time, God broke my heart over my sin, compelling me to turn away from inherent dirtiness and rebellion against him. He was already offering me the completed work of salvation if I would place my faith in him. John 5, 24 says, "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears my word and believes in him who has sent me has eternal life and does not come into judgment but has passed out of death into life." I placed my faith in Jesus in late August 2021, trusting that it is only by God's grace through faith I can be saved.

I am living life ever in awe of the love and grace that God has shown me as I look at what Jesus has done on the cross. Romans 5, 8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this. While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

There was nothing I could offer God, nothing I could do to redeem myself, nothing good or valuable in me, and yet he sent his son to die for me so that he would adopt me into his kingdom." I am learning more about God's character and works as I read his word and pray.

I'm growing in praise and thanksgiving as he reveals his truth and continuously proves his faithfulness to me. God is humbling me as he enlightens my weaknesses and need for him. I want to live my life in full submission to God, being sanctified and molded into his likeness by the Holy Spirit.

Galatians 2, 20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself up for me." Thank you.