back to index2021-12-5 Mary Kim Baptism Testimony
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My name is Mary Kim, and I'm a third-year student at UCI, 00:00:14.760 |
I was born into a Christian family and grew up going to church. 00:00:18.320 |
From an early age, I witnessed my mom's unwavering faith in God 00:00:21.840 |
as she raised our family, and later witnessed my two older brothers 00:00:29.240 |
With a lack of personal faith and conviction, I grew up believing that 00:00:32.600 |
I was Christian because I never disagreed with what I was taught, 00:00:36.000 |
and I desired to be seen as an obedient, good child in the church. 00:00:40.720 |
I trusted that Christianity was true and right because I trusted 00:00:45.840 |
For most of my life, my faith came secondhand. 00:00:49.920 |
Having the right answers in Bible study and knowing how to talk about God 00:00:53.080 |
were easy, but loving others and applying what I learned out of a genuine 00:01:00.280 |
I felt that God was a distant being that was always unsatisfied with how I failed 00:01:07.640 |
I thought that everyone read the Bible and spent time in prayer out of dedication 00:01:11.200 |
and diligence and not out of a true desire to do so. 00:01:14.680 |
Without knowing the gospel, I tried to produce good fruit on my own, 00:01:18.080 |
striving to achieve righteousness through my own willpower and wisdom. 00:01:22.720 |
There came a point in early high school when I was faced with a mountain 00:01:27.400 |
When I compared my faith with that of my mom and brothers, 00:01:30.000 |
there was a stark lack of genuinity and love. 00:01:33.280 |
My heart hardened over time with pride from my self-perceived maturity 00:01:36.880 |
and holiness, along with the unsettling fear of facing the potential illegitimate 00:01:44.960 |
I learned to push thoughts of God and everything to do with him to the back 00:01:51.440 |
I didn't want to think about whether my family's faith was foolish or whether 00:01:57.560 |
I felt helpless because I thought I had tried my hardest to please God and do 00:02:02.440 |
But in reality, I saw God as someone I had to please so that he would do what I 00:02:06.120 |
wanted and didn't understand my own sinfulness and depravity. 00:02:10.760 |
Our family began tuning in to Berean Sunday service live streams in August 2020. 00:02:15.680 |
Pastor Peter's expository messages and adherence to the word struck me deeply. 00:02:20.600 |
After growing up in a church that preached topically and often implicitly preached 00:02:24.440 |
the gospel, I was shaken by the clarity of truth and boldness with which he 00:02:29.960 |
I felt for the first time that I could get somewhere in my faith by staying at 00:02:33.680 |
Berean and absorbing the biblical truths that I didn't realize I was hungry for. 00:02:38.960 |
However, halfway into membership classes, I was asked to submit my testimony. 00:02:44.320 |
I talked with Pastor Nate, sharing my disheartening experience of striving to 00:02:48.000 |
be a good Christian, but not even knowing who God is to me personally. 00:02:51.960 |
I wasn't sure what to make of my life of bitterness and lack of transformation, 00:02:56.040 |
along with my newfound passion of learning more about God through his word 00:03:01.160 |
At the end of our conversation, it was clear that I was not saved as there was 00:03:04.720 |
never a moment of true repentance in my life. 00:03:08.120 |
Over the next few months, I met regularly with a Berean sister in my class named 00:03:12.400 |
Danielle Choi, and she walked me through the gospel. 00:03:16.240 |
God revealed to me how I never knew him and lived for him as I reflected on what 00:03:22.040 |
It wasn't a matter of not giving up enough of my life to God. 00:03:25.720 |
He showed me that all of my intentions were for my own glory, satisfaction, and 00:03:30.960 |
He showed me how my heart rebelled against him as I idolized myself, my 00:03:38.160 |
I reflected on the vanity and folly of chasing after things of the world, of 00:03:42.240 |
living for myself in worship of my broken self. 00:03:46.760 |
After sharing with Danielle that I was questioning the way I've been living my 00:03:50.480 |
life for the first time, she asked me what I thought I needed saving from. 00:03:55.880 |
In love, she firmly reminded me that coming to salvation is not a matter of 00:03:59.760 |
choosing between life as a better fulfilled person or life as a worse flawed 00:04:05.880 |
Someone's faith or lack of faith results in eternal consequences of life or 00:04:13.660 |
God showed me how far I had fallen from him and his holiness and in my helpless 00:04:17.640 |
state as I understood my personal identity as a sinner. 00:04:25.200 |
He opened my eyes to my sin and absolute need for salvation. 00:04:28.980 |
I repented of my sin knowing that Jesus is the only one who could and did take 00:04:33.100 |
my sins, die for me, and grant me righteousness and freedom. 00:04:37.220 |
For the first time, God broke my heart over my sin, compelling me to turn away 00:04:41.100 |
from inherent dirtiness and rebellion against him. 00:04:44.940 |
He was already offering me the completed work of salvation if I would place my 00:04:50.340 |
John 5, 24 says, "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears my word and believes 00:04:55.440 |
in him who has sent me has eternal life and does not come into judgment but has 00:05:02.620 |
I placed my faith in Jesus in late August 2021, trusting that it is only by 00:05:11.020 |
I am living life ever in awe of the love and grace that God has shown me as I look 00:05:18.620 |
Romans 5, 8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this. 00:05:23.260 |
While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 00:05:26.100 |
There was nothing I could offer God, nothing I could do to redeem myself, 00:05:30.220 |
nothing good or valuable in me, and yet he sent his son to die for me so that he 00:05:37.980 |
I am learning more about God's character and works as I read his word and pray. 00:05:42.500 |
I'm growing in praise and thanksgiving as he reveals his truth and continuously 00:05:50.060 |
God is humbling me as he enlightens my weaknesses and need for him. 00:05:53.980 |
I want to live my life in full submission to God, being sanctified and molded into 00:06:00.740 |
Galatians 2, 20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ and it is no longer I 00:06:07.700 |
And the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the son of God