Hi, my name's Hannah. I'm married to Matt Chong and we have currently two boys, Toby and Adam. Growing up, I struggled constantly with insecurity and feelings of worthlessness. A large part of that was due to the fact that my dad was not in my life for the most of my childhood.

His absence made me question my worth and led me to seek affirmation and love in other things. I grew angry and bitter and hated being at home where it was a constant reminder of the things I did not have and the struggles my mom, my brother, and I faced.

In junior high, I started attending a church where I heard for the first time that God loved me. Hearing that gave me such an emotional response and I really clung to that message and tried to maintain that emotional high however I could. The church was highly charismatic and the really loud and intense worship nights and the scripture passages emphasizing God's love fed into those feelings.

I got really involved and also got baptized but didn't understand the role of my own sins in the gospel nor did I exhibit any remorse leading to repentance and change in my own life. I was one person at church, happy and praising the Lord and then at home angry, bitter, and mean to my own family.

I was told over and over that God loved me and he accepted me but despite how good I would feel initially, these emotions didn't have true substance based on actual scripture or an understanding of the need for repentance. Eventually, as all emotions do, the feelings would fade and I was still the same insecure, bitter, angry person who struggled with feelings of worthlessness.

In college, I attended a completely different type of church. It was reformed, Presbyterian, and emphasized teaching the Bible and the gospel. It was eye-opening to see the Bible presented that way and how everything pointed to Christ and again, I became really involved at the church, learning about Tulip, going through catechism, small groups, and even leading groups myself.

But while my head was being filled with knowledge, it made absolutely no impact in my personal life. I didn't connect the fact that my sins were the reason I needed the gospel and a savior in the first place. I lived such a hypocritical life, claiming that I understood what the Bible said and yet showing no fruit.

I was still angry and bitter, pretty much neglected my family and using school and work as an excuse to not visit home. Trying to fill the void, I turned to relationships. With no regard for consequences, I did whatever I could to win their affections. I soaked it in whenever they reciprocated and became utterly devastated when they didn't.

And after all these relationships eventually ended, I was again left with the same emptiness, the same sins, and the same feeling of worthlessness. After I moved back from San Diego, I started to attend Berean and I remember listening to Pastor Peter preach the first Sunday I visited. And I heard for the first time a message that explained that God was holy.

His standard was perfection and I was a depraved sinner. It dawned on me that this was the aspect of the gospel message I had missed completely. Week after week, I learned that the main character of the story was not me, but God. I learned that my sins were not small or harmless, but instead were giant stains that I had no hope of washing away on my own.

Suddenly, things started to fall into place. Why I wasn't able to find satisfaction or peace in all these other things I pursued, even within the church. My motives and desires were all led by my own selfishness to attain the things that I wanted, yet the biggest issue I needed to deal with was the fact that I was a sinner in need of forgiveness and reconciliation with my creator and God.

God opened my eyes to recognize that yes, I was unworthy. I was completely unworthy of receiving anything from God but wrath. Everything I did was tainted with sin, but he in his great compassion and mercy and love chose to send his very own son to become sin on my behalf so that I could be reconciled to him.

I had fought so hard to feel loved and accepted by whatever means necessary. But now I know that I can rest in my identity as God's own child. The rock of my salvation is the Lord and I now live with freedom knowing that my sins are forgiven and I have been reconciled with my God.

I can now live with the purpose for which I was created, to glorify and honor God in all that I do. I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself up for me.

Galatians 2.20. Even more, God has helped me to see how he uses all things for the good of those who love him, including the hurt I had with my dad and my past. He truly wastes nothing and everything he ordains in my life is for the purpose of my sanctification and for his glory.

He who did not spare his own son but delivered him over for us all, how will he not freely give us all things? Romans 8.32. I still remember reading the parable of the hidden treasure and I read it as if with new eyes. From Matthew 13.44 it says, "The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again, and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field." I truly understand what the parable is saying, that once the gospel has been revealed to someone, there is nothing too big to sacrifice in order to gain it, including my very own life.

Indeed, I know that I was called to die and to be resurrected to new life in Christ. Philippians 3.7-11. But whatever things were gained to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be in loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, but count them but rubbish, so that I may gain Christ and may be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know him and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his sufferings, being conformed to his death in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Hannah, thank you for sharing your testimony with us. As we participate in this back, we recognize that as you enter the water, symbolize your union with Christ's death. As you come out of the water, symbolize your union with Christ's resurrection. I baptize you now in the name of the Father, in the name of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

(toilet flushing) (toilet flushing) (toilet flushing) (applause)