Okay, let's get started. So here's the first question. There's a lot, so let's try to, man, you know, you guys have a lot when it comes to dating, huh? It's just so funny. Sometimes it's like twisting your arms and pulling your teeth and then like dating and go, pfft.

So many. All right. How can I be a respectful sister or brother in hanging out with a friend of the opposite gender that is dating someone else? Well, this question, I would say as much as possible. I hung out with like, first of all, you got to define what hanging out is, right?

Is hanging out like, I don't know, like if it's like hanging out in an apartment because like you happen to be at your apartment and someone like you're with like your roommate and then someone of the opposite gender comes in to hang out with you guys but then your roommate leaves and then it's just you guys and you guys are hanging out.

I would say in a place like that, you guys probably shouldn't like be hanging out together in a room like that, you know? So you have to define what hanging out is. Is it grabbing a meal? Is it, you know, getting boba? That kind of stuff. Largely, and this is generally, please understand what I'm saying by generally, I wouldn't encourage a one-on-one hangout with just a guy and a girl.

And the reason for that is not because like you shouldn't like be having relationships with a brother or sister but things just tend to happen and then secondly, you don't know, you can't, like I said before, you can't control the other person's heart. And so even if you're keeping it casual and things like that, you have no control over that.

So generally, I would say not hanging out with opposite gender is wiser alone anyway. I am a big proponent of like, you know, hanging out in groups and I get to know people through groups in group settings. I'm a big proponent of that. You get to know people well through there.

Actually sometimes I wonder if in the, like in the dating sense, like on that one-on-one thing, like you actually tend to very directly display what you want that other person, what you want that other person to see about yourself. Because you're like honed in on this one person. But in group settings, you're going to like see them interact with this person and this person, you'll get a better perspective of that.

So with that, I think that kind of answers the question in a direct way. Okay, second one, what are some warning signs signaling you should break up? I remember those warnings that I put, like when there's like manipulation, obsession. What was the last one I put? Abuse. Manipulation, obsession, and abuse.

I think those are pretty good warning signs. When you see it becoming unhealthy and it is damaging not only that relationship but like the relationship with God. I think those are some warning signs for that. If it's kind of gone out of control in terms of like the intimacy that's there, I would say there are certain places where it wouldn't merit like just ending it and taking.

A lot of people like think about like can we just take a break, you know, because you want to kind of hold on to the relationship. I would encourage not taking breaks as much as possible too. I would say just break up and then just pursue Christ, make it clean.

Somewhere down the line, you know, like that's how we always think like, oh, like maybe somewhere down the line it can happen. Don't even entertain that. But somewhere down the line once you guys are both healthier, like it's possible that like it can kind of happen again, right? But I see too many people trying to break up, take this long break and then get back together and things like that.

And it actually more often than not is uglier and healthier because of some additional things. But that's not a rule. That's just generally what I've seen. I've seen them work too. I've seen people work out and break up and get back together, break up and get back together. And so it's not that you shouldn't.

And really at a certain point like if it's the person you want to date, even if you guys have broken up in the future, maybe you could pursue again. In dating, are there topics you should not share or discuss? I mean there are obvious ones, right? If you're struggling with something like purity, you shouldn't be sharing that.

You can make it general though, but don't be specific as you would with like if you're a guy to a brother or a girl to a sister. And also, I know this sounds weird, but beware praying, just the two of you. And there is a reality of spiritual intimacy.

Like pray, go ahead and pray. Spend time in prayer and go through material together. But you guys don't want to grow like dependent on each other for your spiritual walk and you don't want to get to a place where like you guys are praying and at the end, you know, you start crying in your prayer and you guys feel like close to each other and you're like spiritually married and stuff.

When you are dating, how should you go about friendships with the opposite gender? Well, if you have, if you're doing friendship with the opposite gender well, when you're dating, it doesn't actually change too much, I think. But where it does change is like you give a little bit more like priority and attention to the person that you're dating.

It sounds silly, but like, you know, like it's kind of obvious. I've counseled some couples where like one of them is like, "Oh, they spend more time with them and they don't pay attention to me at all." Part of it is like, "Well, you got to suck that up." But also the other part is like you do have to like pay attention.

You do have to be a little bit more special than anyone else. And so with the opposite gender, remember kind of what we talked about during the seminar, treat them as a brother or sister. Don't like be going out all the time with them like on one-on-one things. I would strongly recommend against that and you should be good.

Do we need any like follow-up clarifying questions here? At any point as I'm giving these answers, if you need some clarity, just raise your hand, okay? All right. How do you go about dating someone who has a member at a different church? What's so funny? Is that funny? Oh, because we have some guys who are dating...

I see. Okay. Just serve the church and the other person should be serving their church with all of their hearts. Don't let the dating relationship ruin or impair or impede your ability to fully be there at your church. So do that. Yeah, make time for each other. And then at a certain point in time, you guys are going to have to make that...

That question is going to come up, you know? Like, okay, well, if this gets serious and like we're really talking about marriage, we got to start talking about like which church to go to. The right answer is always Berean. It's not. That's not the right answer. There are a lot of great churches out there.

I just don't want you guys to leave. All right. Why is flirting bad? The intention of flirting, right? When you think about what flirting is, like why do you flirt? You don't have to answer. Just think about it. Why does one flirt? There are a few reasons. You might flirt because you like that person.

So flirting comes out in different ways like you might like crack jokes at them or like, you know, like little boys, they always like tease the girl that they like. It's kind of like that. College students aren't too different actually. So like you might do that kind of stuff.

But you question like why because there's... You want attention. You might do it because it garners a response from people and it makes you feel good or liked or whatever. There's lots of reasons why you might flirt. Generally flirting is, I would say, a type of manipulation. It's different than showing interest in someone.

So I don't think all flirting is bad if you want to put it that way because you can show interest in people. But the type of flirting we're talking about here in this seminar is the one where you're like trying to get at something that isn't even like there.

So does that kind of make sense? I might need some response to this from you guys if that didn't make sense. Yeah, Kayla. The type of flirting that we're talking about in this seminar. If it's just showing interest and there's just, you know, that kind of thing. But like even with that, like the type of flirting in this seminar, we're talking about like people who are, do I want to like give actual examples?

Yeah. Who said that? Okay. I don't know. There's so many. It's so funny when you guys do it. Like there are people who get like a little bit touchy. You don't know it. You don't realize it. But it's like you will place a hand on the shoulder and it's not like this kind of thing.

It's just like this or, you know, there are people who will do like the -- I do it to everyone. So I guess I'm flirting with all you guys. Every once in a while, I'll like walk by and I'll like give little shoves, right? Because I'm like, oh, I'm here.

But like with flirting, there are times where you might like do some teasing. It might be the way you -- like there are times where like maybe you like to be -- play the victim role and like you like it when everyone is teasing you. I've seen that happen.

And then like everyone surrounding you and like teasing you, stop it, you know, that kind of stuff. And that could be a thing. Man, I can't think of like any good ones right now. But you guys know what I'm talking about. And you can see why like you have to put a leash on that.

So if it's just, you know, if it's leaking all over the place, then that's not okay. Let's just move along from this one. Spiritual boundaries, praying together. Did this come after? That's okay. Well, is it bad that physical attraction is the first thing I notice? No, it's not. It's not bad.

Because that's always going to be the first thing. Well, kind of. Because that's the first impression you have of someone, right? It's like what they look like. So like if you're attracted to someone, you can't be like, oh, I'm sinning, you know, because all I care about is their looks.

No, you know, like God made people to be attracted to people. You know, people have types and all this kind of stuff. And it's not always bad. Like many of you might have been thinking about that in like James, like with the sin of partiality and stuff. And you got to be careful about how you apply that into every context.

Because like observing, judging, that's something that happens. We all judge each other, don't we? You see someone and then you just kind of like you make quick judgment calls and it happens in a blink of an eye. But from there, if that is all that there is, then obviously that's not okay.

That's not good. You know, if it's just that. So what that means is like you're physically attracted to someone and then so I'm going to ask them out. Oh, I think someone asked about like online dating and stuff too. Like a lot of like these websites, what it is, it's like you'll see the pictures and you're like swiping whatever way you're supposed to swipe and then that's all it is.

It's like a physical thing. People say otherwise, you know, I'll read the description and all that. But many times that's actually how it works. So let that move on and if you don't see that moving on, if you don't like see anything about their character or their godliness or how they serve and these things aren't like accompanying you, I'll just be like, yeah, just, you know, they're just an attractive person to you physically but that's about it.

Move on. Don't linger there. What are some of the dangers of dating people that go to other churches? It's not wrong to date people from other churches. Like if you're trying to fish for like some potential difficulties, I wouldn't call them exactly dangerous. Maybe they could be dangerous if it goes to a certain point but obviously like you're not going to be able to see them in the context of church.

That's big. Like I think that's a big part of like observation that we don't give enough credit to, you know. Like how they serve, the fact that there are older sisters that can vouch for her, older brothers who can vouch for him. Like you can't have that really if they're going to another church.

So it makes it more difficult but it's not wrong to date people from other churches. Any follow-up questions to these? Yes. Feel. Oh, you're dating someone from another church. Like before dating or while you're dating? Well like before you get to that question, I would ask them like why is it that you want to date that person, you know.

So like there's going to be answers, right? Like good and bad and like any time you ask that question to anybody. So if it's very superficial, you know like some of the stuff that we talked about like pump the brakes and observe. Like have you done that? Have you been able to really see if like past, you know, like back when I was in youth group, you love the praise team, you know, whoever was like leading the guitar and things like that.

I don't know if it's so much like that anymore but like so like people like, "Oh, that person is so good-looking" or "That person is so pretty" or that kind of stuff because of their voice and all that. And like if that's all you have where you're like just seeing like a snapshot of someone saying you want to date that person, then it's probably not enough to warrant just dating.

Especially in college because it's such a volatile stage in life. But from then like if you guys have like groups of friends that kind of hang out together and you're hearing good things about the person and things like that, then maybe you can. It's hard. That's why it makes it more difficult.

If you happen to, I don't know, you're dating someone from cross life and so like if you happen to have a relationship with Patrick James, you could like, if you happen to cross him, you could like ask or whatever. I don't know. Is that weird? I'm not sure. Is that satisfactory to you?

Okay. Oh, that's interesting. Dating, in the dating, okay. So Pastor Ed in his winter retreat sermon alluded to girls playing hard to get. You mentioned not playing games. What does that mean and what does that look like? Well, there were certain things that Pastor Ed said at the retreat that I don't agree with.

This is kind of one of them. And yeah, and that's okay. It's okay to disagree on some of these things. I just don't think this is the wisest thing, you know. Like it's not a game. If someone comes up to you and they say like, "Hey," like, and this is the girl, right?

Yeah, this is the girl. If a guy comes up to you and says, "Hey, do you want to grab a cup of coffee? I'd like to get to know you better or I'm interested in you," just make it clear. Just make it clear. If you're not interested, then just say you're not interested.

And don't let him down easy either. Make it clear. If you say like, "Oh, I'm just not ready to date right now." But for real, your answer is, "I don't want to date you." Make that clear or else they're going to be like, "I'm just going to wait and wait and wait until they're ready to date and come again." And they're going to ask you two months later, you know.

And so be very clear about, I think, like if someone does that. Now if someone is showing interest in you, they haven't DTR'd with you, but like you're seeing signs because that happens, then I would say, I would say you want to... You want to make it clear back to them in your interest level.

If you're not interested in them and they're showing signs of interest, then make it clear that you're not interested. This is where it gets really sticky and this is where like now it's not Bible talking, it's just this is what I think. So do you guys know what I mean by that?

If there's a guy who's showing interest in you and you're not interested, then don't, you know. Sometimes you might like that because you like being liked and so you might play along with that. Don't do that, you know. If someone's doing that, just maybe remove yourself from some of those kinds of situations.

If you see a guy who's like joining every ministry that you're joining, you're like, "What is going on?" Be aware of it and make sure that you don't give them hope. That's important though, you know. They're like, "Man, guys who like a girl will cling on to every little clue." So yeah, careful.

Any follow-ups? If there seems to be...oh, maybe I should read this first. Hold on. Oh, okay. If there seems to be unspoken mutual interest, what is the next step if you both feel unready to date? Is it better to DTR or continue to get distracted? Are you answering your own question here?

Okay, I'm just kidding. This is actually a very good question. If there seems to be unspoken mutual interest and you're not and you both feel unready to date, then I would just...some people think, "Oh, maybe we should DTR to clarify." I would just say, "Not really. I don't think you need to DTR." Be like, "Hey, I like you, you like me, but we're not ready to date and we'll deal with it." Because when you do that, it actually starts to create more linkage and it gets harder sometimes.

And so what I would say is if you're a person and you like that person and maybe you've taken a couple of steps too far and said things that have revealed your heart to them and some reciprocity, whatever, they reciprocated in that and then you guys are playing this weird dance and then you recognize, you're like, "What am I doing?" And what you wanna do in that place is just take a step back.

Like if it's a bunch of texting that's going on, just slowly dial back on the texting and then take longer to text and then eventually let that kinda dissipate. You don't need to open up a can of worms where it doesn't need to be opened. Again, opinion, this is just my thoughts.

So yeah, there's no reason to do that. I did that one time in college and then it just created a lot of unnecessary turmoil for me. I personally, it was obvious that I liked this girl and that she liked me and I had not been wise about how I guarded our time and interaction with each other.

And then so I ended up... My pastor gave me the green light. "Yeah, go out with her." And I was like, "Ask her out." I didn't feel ready. And so we sat down and I said, "We gotta clarify this." So we sat down and I said, "Hey, I'm interested in you.

I like you, but I'm not ready to date." And she said, "Well, I like you too." And what happened after that was it made it so hard because it cleared it up where it didn't need to be cleared up 'cause I wasn't ready to date. And so that actually turned into this eight-month drawn-out thing.

It actually ended up sanctifying my heart, but at the end of it, I think there is wisdom and just... There's nothing there. Just start to be wiser about your interaction with them. Any follow-ups? Please expand on divorce and if it ever could be justified. Yes, there are terms in the Bible where divorce can be justified.

God still hates it, but he justifies it in a place. And that's when one of the spouse has committed adultery against the other. And there are instances also of believing, unbelieving type of thing where you become a believer and then the unbelieving spouse doesn't want to be with you anymore.

At a certain point, there's a justification that's kind of given out there. Let's move on from that one though. You mentioned warning signs like obsession, manipulation, and abuse. How can someone be aware of some of these red flags? What are some specific ways that they might appear? We can't do all of them.

We'll just take one, obsession. You can just feel it. I'm not a big fan of like, you know, trust your gut, but you can just feel it when sometimes they're like, they just want too much of your time. Things are just kind of too over the top. It's not wrong, but as you start questioning that, you start to realize like, oh, they're idolizing me.

And then obsession can come and like it can start to bleed over usually into manipulation. When they start like, usually when people are manipulating you, they'll start in one way and then they'll like start to shift when they don't get the response that they want from you. So in the beginning, they want more of your attention and you're not giving it to them.

So they make you feel guilty. And then like, and so because you feel guilty, you kind of give into that a little bit, but inevitably because the obsession is there, infatuation is there, they're going to want more. They're going to want more of your time. And then the guilty thing just stops working.

It just makes you tired and it's starting to like feel, this whole thing starts to feel really difficult. Then they grow angry, you know, and if that doesn't work, then they're going to get sad. They're going to be like, okay, and then they want your sympathy. So all of that is actually a type of manipulation and people don't, many times don't know that they're doing it.

But these are unhealthy signs. These are warning signs. And that doesn't mean, again, it doesn't mean it's like, we are break up now. It's a deal breaker, but it does mean that you have to be very careful and you got to kind of walk through this. And then if there's like a recurring pattern of things and you realize like, you guys talked about it and said that they're not going to do this anymore, but you see the same thing done in a different package, in a different way, then probably they just need space.

You need to break up with them. They need to grow in the relationship. They need to mature. And then, yeah, and then figure it out from there. So. Okay, three minutes left. Some of these are good, but. What does it look like to be content/enjoy the season of dating while still being in love/seeking clarity/knowing that dating is still a waiting season?

What does movement toward marriage look like in a dating relationship? Let's just do the first one. What does it look like to be content and enjoy the season of, like while dating, right? So what does it look like to be content while dating, even though we understand that marriage is the final destination?

That's a good question. That's why I like, I would say just get married as soon as you possibly can, because that's what you want. That's what that's for. And so that's why I would say just wait as long as possible, and as many things are kind of as stable as possible that you can do.

But while you're dating, to be content is the same thing as when you're single. That's why we're talking about contentment before you're dating is so important, because you need to learn to see what it is to be content in Christ alone. That's not just the word that we, that's not just a phrase we throw around.

God needs to be the treasure of your heart. He needs to be everything. And if he's not, then what's going to happen in a dating relationship is that person will become that. We make things into what God ought to be. And so in a dating relationship, it's still the same struggle, like contentment in Christ, to love God.

And in the midst of that, that's why the movement and communication and clearly defining expectations is very important in a dating relationship, because then like that's going to help in that term, in the terms of contentment. Last one. What do you think about online dating? That's a good question.

I'm not like, I'm not hardline against it. As a college student, I would say like, I would be pretty hardline no if you're a college student, because you have plenty of interaction in college without needing to go into that dangerous space. But online dating, I have seen people who have started dating through online dating and then getting married through online dating and stuff, but I've seen more danger than the very few examples of it actually working out.

And so generally, the question I would like to ask for people who want to go into online dating is, what's going on at church? Why is it that, if I were to ask you, is there anybody that you would like to date at church? And then it's like, no, there's just no one suitable.

You have to really challenge that and really think of what does that actually mean. And start to learn what it is to trust God in the middle of things while not lowering your expectations of what a girl or a good guy ought to look like. But this is where, this is why like, counsel is so important.

So with online dating, I say, first place is always like, in the Christian community. I think that's where you should be trying to date and trying to find people to date. But if it gets to a point where it's just really, really hard, it's not wrong to do that.

Okay. Anyone have any like, dying to have their question asked or answered? I saw a pointing. Do you want to? Okay, are we good? Okay. Why don't you take just a moment to pray for yourself that God would absorb these things into your heart. I'll give you guys about 30 seconds and I'll close this in prayer.

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