Take it slow. Ask yourself this question, what's the rush? Like why do you want to date so quickly? Like really sit down and ask yourself that. If you feel like, like I want to date and I like this girl and really slow down and take it easy and say that.

Take it slow. I like this girl and really slow down and take it easy and say that. Are you content in God alone? Almost every time if someone comes up to me and asks me my opinion, I'm not singling people out. I almost always say, hey give it a quarter.

I almost always say that. I say just wait. Just wait a quarter. Just to see. I have seen people who say, I'll ask like, hey when did you start liking them? Well week one. When did you DTR with them? Week three. It's like, no no give it more time.

How do you know that that person isn't the flavor of the week? You don't know. Like you just, you know? What's that? What's that? Oh I'm sorry. Okay. You know what I'm saying. You know? Like how do you know that they're not just the next person on your list?

And like, you don't know. Because even in that statement you realize, man this is all about me, like what I want, right? Like have you really taken actual consideration and done the due diligence of even thinking about where they're at? A lot of times it might be like, oh but I saw her serving and she seems to be doing pretty well.

I'd be like, hey you need more than that. I don't trust your sight. You think, like your heart filled glazed sight on this girl saying like, oh she's like the one Pastor Nathan. You know I've, there have been people who have come up to me and like they're all stressed out because they're like, I got a date now.

I asked them like, why now? Like just wait, hold on, see as much time as is needed. And we'll tackle this in the next point. As much time as is needed and then they'll be like, oh because like I don't want her to be snatched up. I don't want him to be snatched up.

You know? And that's a real thing. I've heard that many, many, many times. But take it slow. Bump the brakes. Because at that point I'll ask the question. Oh maybe, but are you content in God alone? Is he all you truly need? And why is it so hard to wait a little?

You know? And sometimes you know, what I would like, what I kind of feel in my heart is like when people say someone might come and like snatch them up or you're like kind of worried about that. I really appreciate it if we're honest about that. I really love it.

Because that's how I felt, you know? But the news flashes that person is not yours. Right? So pump the brakes. And then you've pumped it enough, right? You've given it some time. You're thinking a little bit more soberly. You're not so lovesick anymore. You've really tested your heart. You've gone to your small group leader.

You've said, like where do you think I'm at? Can I just get your advice? Can I just get like where you think I am in character? Even regardless of this dating thing I'm talking about, like how am I doing? Where do you feel like I need to improve? And you think about all these things and you get to this place, you're like, okay, ask yourself this question then.

Am I ready? Am I ready to date? The question that you guys are all thinking right now is what does it mean to be ready? What does it mean to be mature? Usually when I ask this to people and I ask it to a lot of people, they'll like give the right answer.

They'll say, well, you know, I'm struggling with this and I'm not perfect here and this is hard and, oh man, Pastor Nathan, I'm so sinful. But Jesus, you know, that's what always happens. But the grace of God overwhelms my soul and I sing praises in my brokenness. You know, you do it like that, what does it truly mean to be ready or mature?

Actually, you might not like the answer to this one, but the only way to see is what we see in James. Maturity is established through experience and trial. In James chapter 1, verse 2 through 4, it says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

And let endurance have its perfect result so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." Remember, we've gone through this enough, but this is important. This is the tagline of James, right? That faith is going to be tested in trial, which causes maturity, completion, and perfection. And that's the cycle we're living in.

In college, many times, you come to college and you realize for the first time, like, "Ooh, maybe I just became saved," you know? For the first time, you're taking your faith seriously. For the first time, you've actually surrendered your life to Christ. And so you're looking at yourself and you have never felt like this.

Like, I wake up and I want to read the Word. I am excited about Sundays. I listen to the sermon and I'm like doing this. Like, I am evangelizing. So you see all these things and then you become like someone who is like, "Faith, yes. True faith, yes." But from there, it's like, "How does that translate into am I ready to date?" So where I'm trying to go with this is the only way to see if that is not just an initial surge of just like, "Whoa." Like, you know, you could be learning so much and be stale in your heart.

You could be learning so much about who God is and what His kingdom is like and the promises that He makes and the attributes of what He is and then the theologies and the doctrines of NBCC. And you could do all of that stuff and you could be fooled in it.

But the only time you're going to know that it's real and it begins to surface as reality and truth in your heart is when the storm hits. And then it actually gets tested. And then you say, "I believe that God is so good. He is the goodest person in my life." And then the storm hits you, "Where's God?" And then someone that comes out of that, you know what I call that person, is someone who has matured.

That's why I say pump the brakes. Give it as much time as possible because you might see someone and say like, "Oh man, Pastor Nate, that person is ready to date. I want to date that person." And I say like, "Hey, but just general advice at this stage in life where you guys are both very young in faith, give it as much time as possible because a storm might hit her and then after like eight months later, you might be like, "Whoa, dude, she should not be dating right now." So what's the difference between time A and time B is going to be that a storm hit and it actually revealed true faith and character and maturity.

Same thing for you. I say wait as long as you possibly can because as you do that, you're going to be tested in yourself. You think that you have a lot of stuff grounded and you're like, "Man, I think I am ready." But maybe if you give it just two more months, a tragedy is going to hit and you're going to realize, "Oh man, I am in no way ready." I am not saying that you're going to be perfect before you date or perfect before you marry, but I think we ought to put that into the equation.

Okay. Oh, another poll. How long do you want to date? And then let's do that one first. Go back into your phones and then you guys can answer this one. Come on, don't waste the space on those. That was a fake one. You guys know it. Okay. How long do you want to date for?

Well, a lot of people say two years, maybe three years, three plus years. Okay. And then one year, six months. And this changes. Once you graduate and you go into BAM and stuff, and we did this poll in BAM, it'd be way different. And so with this, what's interesting is like, is this, like, does this play a role at all in thinking how about when you might want to date?

Here's another question. What age would you like to marry? Oh, boy. Same person. All right. Oh, 30 plus. Is that for real or is that a joke one? I mean, it's fine. 30 plus is good. No, seriously. Why are you guys laughing? You guys are such college students. That's why.

Okay. Think about it. Like the one before you look at it and you're like, okay, here it is. I want to date like this. So for those of you who put two years and then you put 25 to 27, you're like, this is interesting. We have all these stuff.

I'm not saying that, of course, but the first person I date might not be the person I need to have a little buffer room. You know, like that's how we think. But what I'm trying to say is do you kind of think soberly through it or is it like you just find someone that's like a potential and you're like, oh, I got to be all over this one, right?

Marshall Siegel says, some no doubt will hate this advice. I'm sure I would have. Now, I don't -- this is not exactly what I believe. I'm just going to put it out there, okay? I'm sure I would have, but we all need to acknowledge that we can date long before we can marry.

And that doesn't mean we should. We cannot date toward marriage when marriage isn't even on the radar yet. You may be dreaming about marriage already. I was. But is it realistic that the two of you can marry anytime soon? So this isn't -- what he's doing is he's pulling out a question.

So what he's -- what I'm trying not -- I'm trying not to say right now that we -- like you need to only date when you're like completely ready to be married. That's not what I'm trying to say. That everything is perfect, that everything is planned out. But what I am saying is there needs to be some semblance of that.

If you're thinking like I want to date two years and then I want to get married a year after that, or I want to date three years and now I want to get married -- you know, as you're thinking about these things, like you're like, but I haven't declared my major yet.

It's like, okay. I would say, wait. You'll find someone else. Yeah, someone else might date that person, but it's okay. They're not yours. That's your sister. That's your brother. Like get to a place where you're a little bit closer to it, to a place where you can actually provide for a family or be self-sustaining and you're not living in your parents' house anymore or something.

You know, something. You got to figure out what that semblance is. You know, there are a bunch of questions that might come out too, right? Or there, I didn't realize I had it. Consider life after college. You know, because what happens is, like you start dating in college and what tends to happen is as the end of fourth year rolls around, everyone starts saying, uh-oh.

I'm going to New York now, you know? Or I'm going back to NorCal, but you're in SoCal. Or I have, I just realized my last year that I want to go into med school. That's going to be another six years before I want to actually marry. Or, you know, there's lots of different things that come up and then all of a sudden you have two people that were just dating and just thinking like very like, like living in, they were living in like fantasy land.

Just ideally like, oh, we're just trying to honor God without thinking about the wise implications. Am I actually ready? You have, the key word consider, it's not saying like this is it, you know? I'm saying consider it. Think about it. You have two people undeclared. They have no idea where they want to go.

It's like, but all I know personally is that I have her, you know? It's like, no, dude, you fool, you know? It's, it's, you, you look at that and you have to be temperate about it. You have to be sober about it. You have to think like, you know, I'm nowhere near ready.

I got to fix a lot of stuff in my own heart. I got to figure out a lot of things in my own life. And when I'm closer to them, then maybe I can start like, you know, thinking, thinking about like walking together with someone in this. It's hard.

I have, I have counseled many, many people who have like gone through different things and like, like in dating. And this is probably the one that kind of comes up very, very often because I, I spent so much time with like a youth aged group who, who grew up into a certain age range.

So like, that's like, that was a lot of, of what, what I did. Like these people would contact me and say like, "Hey, can I get your quick advice?" And I'd listen and be like, "Oh man, you, your, your path is complete. You guys realize that you want to, you want to be a missionary in Africa and that you realize you want to just go back and, you know, work in an office job." All this stuff kind of happens.

And if you knew that before, maybe you wouldn't even have started dating that person. Determining the relationship in clarity. So you asked yourself, "Am I ready?" And then you got the answer you wanted. "Yes, I'm ready." Then this is where the DTRA happens. Determining the relationship in clarity. Be clear.

Same thing as the title. Be clear. Be clear. Don't let it just happen as, as much as possible. I, I, I made a mistake with this with Kezia. Like Kezia and I, we had no feelings for each other in college. All four years. And then we spent a year and a half away from each other, like in different places.

And then she moved into my area. And then, and then literally, there was no feelings for each other. We're just really good friends. And then in August, we started spending time with each other, with a group of people. And then two months later, like we were determining the relationship.

We were DTRAing. Right? But I was, I was backed into a corner. Because it happened so fast. I was like, "What am I feeling?" You know? Like, "What is this?" But it's Kezia. "Ew, gross." You know? It's that kind of thing. And then we were like brother/sisters. That's why.

And then you realize like, like, and then Kezia called me one day. She's like, "Hey, what's going on?" You know? And I was like, "I don't know." You know? But be clear. That's what you want. You want to be as clear as possible. Don't like, don't just like, you know, like you guys are in the middle of a talk and all of a sudden, like in a moment of weakness, you go like, "Hey, I kind of have feelings for you." You know?

"Oh, damn. I can't take this back." But your heart is thumping. You're like, "This is exciting." You know? Don't, don't do that. Don't go up to someone and say, "Hey, I kind of like you." You know that kind of thing? Don't, don't do that. Don't do that. Think about it.

Have a game plan. Make it clear. Don't play games. Don't, don't go for months just playing games and like, and like thinking like, "Oh, if I do this, they're going to know that I'm interested. And then like if I do this, she's going to, she's going to like, like I'm going to give her a hint here and then a hint here and then a hint here and then a hint here.

And hopefully like, like he's going to come and he's going to ask me, you know, or, or vice versa. Right? Don't do that. Don't play games. I'm not saying you can't show interest in people, you know, like, like don't also go the opposite way. I've seen people like try to pendulum swing that the other way.

And then whenever that person comes in, they go, "Huh." And they walk out, you know, because they're in love with the person, you know, that kind of thing. But you want to be clear. If you have interest in a person, and this is where this comes in. Generally, generally, asterisk, asterisk, generally men step up.

And remember, this is with all the backing of like, hey, get prepared for dating first. So for many of you, you might not be anywhere near this yet. Okay. So don't think like, "Oh, now this is the stuff where I need to start. Like this is what I'm going to apply." You know.

Generally men step up. Don't play games. If you have, if you have interest, just make it clear. You know, say like, "Hey, I'm interested." We don't have to make it weird. We don't have to be like, "Hey, I'm serious about wanting to marry you." You know, don't do that.

Just go and say like, "There's interest here. And you know, like, would you like to go get a coffee or whatever it is." You've done all the due diligence. You've received the counsel. You've done, you know, and generally people are like, "Yeah, I guess, yeah, you know, you're doing great." And then go and don't play the games.

A lot of times people play these games without any intention of ever like, like pursuing a relationship because we're just passive timid people. We like them so like, we'll like say things or act a certain way in front of them but we actually don't ever think it's going to get to that point where we're going to ask until like finally like you hit the breaking point.

But you should be, you should be walking way ahead of that breaking point. Let's see here. Yeah, so in not playing games, treat them like a brother or sister, right? You want to, that's, you want to do that. So just, they're not your wife, they're not your husband, they're not the person you're going to marry.

They're just someone you're interested in. So like treat them as someone that they are. That's your brother, that's your sister. And if you're interested in just make it clear. If you guys have questions about this, by the way at any point you can text me. If you want my phone number I'll put it up at the end and then you can, you can do the questions for the Q&A time.

All right, prepare for frustrations and heartaches. The men don't let the risk of rejection paralyze you. The women learn to trust. And I don't know if some of you see this and you're like, "Oh, but you know, like this isn't..." Generally, I'm not saying that women can't, you know, ask a guy out.

I'm not saying like they can't initiate the DTRing. But generally men, I would, I would like to see you as what God has made men to be as initiators, as people who are going to be strong and bold and not passive. Isn't that what girls want anyway? Don't you want like someone who's assertive and knows like that, that they love God and that's what they live for?

Like that's what you would want. Someone who's clear and don't, don't let... This is going to happen. As you go through this over and over again, you're going to have this risk of rejection. But what if like I say like, "Hey, I'm interested in you and I would like to get some coffee." And they look at you and they start laughing.

It's like the stuff of nightmares, you know. Don't let that stop you. Be like, "Oh, okay, okay. Who are you?" Ari. Let's walk away. All right. And then women learn to trust. This is hard because sometimes you're interested in a guy and you're like, "Why is everybody that I'm not interested in asking me out and this guy that I am interested in?" Well, learn to trust.

This one, maybe one day we could do like, when we do like a men's and women's seminar roles, things like that. I would like a female to be up here talking to you guys. I'm not going to say it because I think I can do some damage right now because we don't have time to clearly go through this.

So with that said, we're going to move on here. It can get messy and that's okay. Sometimes you're going to make mistakes but just get back on track. It's okay. There's a place--this is a place of grace. I want to use this time to kind of challenge you guys.

If there are people that you think didn't make the right decisions, you should not be like all judgmental and hoity-toity about it, you know. You should be like, "Oh, I can't believe you did that, man," or "I can't believe you did that," you know. Like, don't do that. Don't do that, okay?

That's wrong. Like you might think it's funny and it's innocent but sometimes it's very, very damaging. We are not here to build up a culture of like, "I'm right. I know more than you. You didn't do it." Even if you feel like you did the right thing, if someone else maybe made a questionable call, you don't turn to them and go like, "Huh." And then because of that judgment that you have in your heart, it just comes out of sarcasm and like poking fun and stuff.

And really, really, like don't do that. And so there's a lot of places where it's going to get messy and that's okay. Oh, yeah. There's my phone number. Okay. I know you didn't get that but it's okay. Potential dangers within dating. I'll put that up again at the end.

All right. So who are dating now? Acting married versus acting casual. Oops. Acting married versus casual. Now in this section, we're in section four. With these potential dangers, you're going to see both of these. You're going to see people acting like married couples. Don't do that. This is why dating is hard because it's a kind of a commitment with no real commitment.

You guys know what I'm saying? You're kind of committing to each other to be in this relationship but there's no actual commitment. You guys can back out and that's okay. And so dating is hard because once you start acting married, then it gets really, really confusing and it gets really, really kind of twisted up and like I've seen it.

People start to break up and then it feels like a divorce and it's so hard because maybe there are certain things that you have crossed in terms of emotional boundaries and that's what we'll talk about here. Oh, I just did the casual part, huh? Too casual. Don't also treat it like it's not a special relationship.

Essentially like what I mean by that is that you're just friends and there's no real intentionality in moving towards marriage but you guys are just kind of going on dates and hanging out. There's no clarity. There's no communication. You need to be on the same page. All right. Secondly, B, boundless boundaries.

This is a danger. We all know that we should set boundaries but many times we set boundaries that are boundless. Physical, emotional, mental, spiritual. The whole goal in boundaries is to guard your relationship with God. This is first and foremost because we obviously know we're trying to guard ourselves.

Usually what happens in boundaries is we're trying to guard ourself and then we're trying to guard the other person and then we're trying to guard our relationship with God. That's how we naturally think but that's completely flipped upside down. You should be thinking about guarding your relationship with God, his glory, the fact that your life is about him, that you don't want anything to come in between you and Christ.

And then the second one is you also want to guard them. And then thirdly and lastly, like you come last, you know. So in boundaries, oh, Addy's favorite movie right now. She's watched one movie. Christian dating, you better not get in the way of me loving Jesus. All right.

B, specific. Be specific in boundary building. Don't let it be based on simply like your temptations and struggles, like your own temptations and struggles, I'm going to build my boundaries around this. But constantly be thinking like how can we be sure that we're not going to cross lines that would be dishonoring to God.

And we'll go into that in a little bit more depth soon. And physical intimacy. Here's the wrong question. How far can I go before it's soon? And people don't phrase it like this but people phrase it like, "Astronethan, can I like, is it okay to like hold hands? Is it okay to kiss?" You know, like those are the actual questions that kind of come up.

I'd say that's the wrong question. I won't, I'll try not to answer those questions. The way that you should be asking the question, how best can I go if I got? They're very different because one is going to be honestly in our sinfulness of heart, it's going to be how, like literally how far can I go up against that line before like this is wrong.

That is not how a Christian thinks. That's how a legalist thinks. For a Christian, we say like how, like in this whole scheme of things, if I wanted to be all about God, and we say that with our lips, but for real, if I wanted to be all about God, how can I do this?

I thought this was funny. When my body doesn't know I'm Christian. So we're talking about physical intimacy here, right? You guys don't think it's funny? I try to add a few things that would like soften it up here, but so we're going to have to talk about that, right?

With physical intimacy, kissing, holding hands, how far can I go in these things? I'm just going to explain to you how Kazee and I did it, okay? And the reason why I'm explaining to you guys with our example is because I am not saying this is the way to do it.

I am simply giving you how we sat down and said, how are we going to guard this relationship and make sure that it is glorifying to God, make sure we don't cross things that we definitely don't want to cross up front. So we didn't kiss until the altar. At the altar, it was super awkward, but at the altar is when we shared our first kiss.

I never said I love you to Kazee until I like I proposed to her. And I'm not saying that's the way to do it. You guys caught that, right? Please don't go and say, "Do Pastor Nathan said you can't kiss until the altar." But for us, we sat down and we said, "What do we want to do?" Knowing you, knowing me, knowing our hearts, knowing our sinful tendency, knowing all of this stuff about us, how can I really, how can we really think through this?

There are different things that we thought about, like I don't want to be kissing some other man's wife one day. Do you know what I mean? Oh, wait, hold on. I don't want to be kissing a girl that's going to one day be someone else's wife. Like kissing, did I say that off again?

Did I say it weird again? Dang it, sorry. You guys know what I'm saying, right? You don't want to be sharing certain things with someone that, at the end of the day, when you talk to your future husband or wife, you're like, "Oh, yeah, I kissed three other people," or something like that.

So for us, that's why we decided to do that. I said, "I don't want to be kissing anyone that's not my wife. I don't want to be in church having dated someone and then having gone a little bit too far physically with this person, and then later on in life, they end up marrying someone else and then you pass by them and you're like, "Oh, this is weird still." And we don't think about that.

We think about it in the here and now and what we want and how we would think relationships ought to look. But who's informing you about how relationships ought to look? Why do you think holding hands is okay even? You know, like why any of this stuff? At what point, like, can we start distinguishing and drawing lines?

That's why the question has to be, "How can I make sure that I'm guarding my relationship with God? How can I best glorify God in my relationship with this person?" Physical intimacy needs to be surrounded around that. That's why when people come and say like, "Hey, tell me the boundaries I need to set." I say, "I can't tell you.

I'll give you some examples of things that you can think about, but at the end of the day, it's about your heart in this." And so, honestly speaking, I shouldn't say it. So we'll move on from there. So some things might seem innocent, but I want to remind you guys not to fool yourselves in it.

Did I not have these Proverbs? I don't have it. Okay. That's okay. Well, we'll get to those. In Proverbs chapter five verse eight and in Proverbs chapter six, you get this kind of like this Proverbs story about this man who keeps going past this house of a known prostitute.

And so he's like, maybe he's going to work or whatever. And then what the Proverbs says is, "Make sure you don't go anywhere near the door of the house." The way we live is actually it's like, "Make sure we don't go through the door of that house." That's how we live.

But the Proverbs says, "Make sure to go nowhere near the door of that house." And so the idea of it is like, if there's my work and here's that house, like this is my way to work and every day, like first day I'm good. Second day, like I'm still resisting temptation.

It's kind of like that. What he's saying, don't go anywhere near it. He's saying, go all the way around the room and take the back door into that work building. That's what it's saying. This is how carefully you ought to guard your heart when it comes to physical intimacy and things like that.

In Proverbs 6, it says something along the lines of, "Can someone play with coals, live coals? Can someone play with fire and not be burned?" Like in relationships, when it gets too physical, like, well, I don't, like we feel like our conscience is clear, Pastor Nate. Our conscience is clear.

They say like, "Oh, you're playing with fire. You're going to get burned." Only a matter of time. Probably like over 95% of like couples that I've seen at a young age, like once they've crossed boundaries, were able to like really, you know, do well. It's really hard in physical boundaries.

All right. Also emotional intimacy. Don't let it feel like a marriage. Like if holding hands, if you're spending too much time and you really start feeling this closeness with the person that is unhealthy, that shouldn't be given, like we think of physical intimacy all the time, but you can emotionally give yourself to people.

And so if you feel that happening, then you ought to be aware of that. If it starts feeling like a marriage, so people start doing that, right? Like start sending Christmas cards out together. Like, "Oh, okay. Weird." Like when you go to weddings, like don't buy gifts together, just you and your girlfriend or you and your boyfriend.

It's like, "Why are you doing that?" You know? Try not to let it feel like a marriage. I saw that in high school a lot. Like it was weird. I thought it was funny at first, and then I was like, "Ooh, this is weird." You know? It's just like when people were asking each other out, they were like proposing to each other and stuff.

That's strange. And then one of my former students, they did like a photo shoot, and I was like, "Dude, this is like an engagement photo shoot that they're doing. What is going on?" And then lo and behold, you know what happens? The whole like, "Oh, we were slow dancing at this thing, and then we just like fell in love," as Nathan.

You know? It's like, "Well, you guys were doing all the things before that, and so what did you expect?" You know? And then inevitably, the post-dance craze kind of like dissipates, and then they get a divorce. You know? And they're just crying all the time. Breaks up the entire youth group, and you're just like, "Oh, brother." You know?

It's ridiculous. Don't let it feel like a marriage. You don't own them. They're not yours. The person talks to them, and all of a sudden, just the ferocious, jealous monster comes out and wants to scream like a banshee because like this person is talking to your boyfriend or girlfriend.

You're like, "Dude, what is wrong with you?" You know? Like when you're sharing that person's time, that person is spending time in school and in their small group and like in a job, and you're like, "But where's the time for me?" Yeah, you guys have to work that out, but remember, that person does not belong to you.

These things are very difficult and stuff to work through, and if you guys have questions about those things, you can talk to your small group leaders. You can talk to the staff. What does it mean when you say--what is love? When a boy says to a girl or a girl says to a boy, "I love you," what is that?

I want to strongly encourage you guys not to throw around that phrase if you start dating. Because love is actually--has everything to do--like if we're called to love as Christ first love does, it has everything to do with commitment. You are not sure yet if you're actually fully committing to that person, but we throw it around because we want to make our feelings felt by that person.

So we say, "I love you." And you go, "I don't love you yet." You know? That kind of thing. But be careful of that. In terms of emotional boundaries, be careful of curfew. Like the reason why curfew is important is because late at night is when your guard is most down.

Like I don't care what you say. I don't care if you say like, "You have no proof of this, Pastor Nathan." I've just seen enough and I know enough that late at night, people do dumb things. People are just emotionally more vulnerable. And so like if you're dating, that's why curfew is important.

Set curfew and stick to it. Like don't be like, "Oh, well, we just broke it by five minutes today." Like it's okay. It is okay. You know, it's like came home at 11.05. But what I'm saying is like what tends to happen is people set like curfews and like these emotional boundaries and stuff, but they'll come up to that time where it's like 10.50.

It's like, "Oh, it's not 11 o'clock yet." 10.55, "Oh, it's not 11 o'clock yet." It's like 11 o'clock, they're like, "Oh, dang, we have a 20-minute ride home." And so boundaries, that's why I label it boundless boundaries. Like if you set a boundary, stick to the boundary. Like if you know it's going to take 20 minutes to get home, then that needs to be a part of the equation.

This is all, I say, very important in relationships. Length of phone conversations. I've heard of stories about where people would be like, "We don't get to hang out that much, so we'll use the phone conversation." So you're laying in bed with the phone on your face, and then it sticks to your ear and stuff like that.

And then you fall asleep on the phone. There's a whole joke of like, "Oh, you hang up. No, you hang up." That kind of thing back and forth. And don't do that. Do that. That's gross. Just set a time limit and be like, "Hey, this is what happened." Enjoy the time and then say like, "Hey, let's hang up." Okay.

I'm getting tired. All right, warning signs. Obsession. If you see any of these in the other person or in yourself, this is like, "Meh, meh, meh." If you see obsessive stuff going on, if they're trying to manipulate you with their words and trying to make you feel guilty, if there's abuse, and obviously that's not just physical, it's the words they use.

If you see any of these things, you know, first of all, that at least that person has crossed an emotional boundary. Or if it's you, maybe you actually have. And you have to kind of pause, evaluate it, maybe break up, or maybe get some counsel and work through it.

All right, mental fantasy. Thinking and planning ahead. A lot of times we can start dating and think like, "Oh, this is how it's going to look." And we have our whole life mapped out until the day we die. Well, don't do that. Because when you start doing that, you start actually getting married in your mind and then it gets hard.

Compromising is the road to destruction when it comes to boundaries. Don't compromise. Boundaries mean stick to them. If you break them, it doesn't mean shift the boundaries out more, like say like to accommodate what we broke, but it should mean like we really have to buckle down on our boundaries.

And every once in a while, what you do is you kind of reevaluate boundaries and see if it's still helpful for you. Because boundaries are to help you, not like hurt you. Oh, here it is. Those are the passages. Okay. Oh, I thought this was funny. I was standing behind Nick and Alisa the other day and I thought it was so funny because yeah, Nick was standing here.

That's right around like where Mina and I think it was where Mina and Brianna are sitting and then they had like a space between them with a cell phone there. I thought it was just so hilarious. Like boundaries. Okay. Stewardship of existing friendships. Oh, steward your existing friendships well.

Don't be the couple that bounces. You know, don't be the couple that disappears, that hangs out by themselves all the time. That is so selfish. That is not what that relationship for. If anything, that relationship should be used to come into the body and serve more and things like that.

So don't disappear. I know sometimes you want alone time with them and constructively you can do that, but make sure that that is not how everything is. Oh, with that, I guess beware of the awkwardness that comes. Like we're a ministry and there's going to be awkwardness when two people start dating because it changes the dynamic of relationships that already exist.

It's okay. That's okay. That's going to happen. But I would say as much as possible, if you are the non-dating people and then people start dating and like, oh, like we used to hang out with them and then it's kind of like this and then like, but now like we don't know how to, like as a non-dating person, don't make it awkward for them.

You know, don't like always be making fun of them and things like that. I like to make fun of people because it's just how I show my care. But generally, like what you want to do is be encouraging of them. Like ask them, like how's your relationship going and things like that.

Don't shun them because like it could become a two-front battle. And then if you're the dating couple, really together insert yourself into the life of existing relationships and groups that are here. So I don't want like you to like always be sitting with your boyfriend/girlfriend, but I also don't want you guys to always be separate, you know.

Play a good balance in that. I would say bend towards spending more time away from each other in group settings, bend towards that. But if you guys are never interacting with each other, you'll never figure out how to like, you know, exist as a couple. And secrecy. Don't be secretive.

That means tell your small group leader who you like. Practical applications while dating. This is our last section. Always pursue godly contentment. Always pursue godly contentment. If this is not the source, then you'll use the relationship to fill an idolatrous need in your heart. We've covered this. So beware of being consumed with finding someone.

Beware of constantly scoping, that wherever you go you're constantly looking for like an attractive person. Careful of that. Instead really try to make Christ-centered relationships here in this ministry. Beware of making lists in your mind or actual physical lists. I know people do that. Like what's the deal breaker, you know, and all that kind of stuff.

Beware of these kinds of things. Trust in God's sovereignty and timing. Proverbs 3, 5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight." I think like as a practical application verse, I have probably recited this to myself more than any other verse in scripture personally.

To really trust in him. Maybe before you're dating and also while you're dating. Trust. All relationships aren't going to look the same. But there are going to be times where you think like, "Oh, this is the one I'm going to marry." There's going to be times where you think there's no one going to be like her.

There's no one going to be like him. But like calm down. Trust in God. Do you really believe that God is sovereign? Then you're okay. Like if you feel that, there's no one that's going to be like this person. This person is so solid. You think that as soon as you say that, what you've done is you've erected an idol, right?

That's clearly an idol. And you haven't even recognized it. You're like, "Oh, this is dangerous." Letter C, treat the relationship as what it truly is. I wanted to say this one again. You're not married, so don't do married couple of things. Learn to grow in the relationship. Clearly communicate and temper expectations.

Even though we're saying that this isn't a marriage relationship, understand that like there still needs to be movement. If there's no movement, it's like what is the purpose of it? Just wait then, you know? So clearly communicate, temper expectations. By communication, I'm talking about make sure you guys are on the same page.

Don't sit down at like the 10th date and be like, "Hey, I want to propose at month eight, and then I want us to get married at the year two mark." And it's not like that kind of stuff, but just to make sure like to sit down and talk through expectations together.

To be able to say it and then realize like, "Ooh, that's not a good expectation. That's a sinful expectation." And kind of shaping that together and working together on that. Every once in a while doing that is good. Now I don't think you could do this one on your own.

I really don't think you could do this one on your own. So what you need is someone older who knows you, who loves you and cares for you. Go to them and ask them how to do this. And then balance the act of growing and guarding. This is the...

If you could draw like two arrows that goes in a circle and a circle, growing, guarding, growing, guarding, is what you want in a dating relationship. Constantly guarding yourself, but there is some kind of movement and growth in that relationship. Guarding equals accountability and intentionality. That means accountability with people that are around you.

So again, it could be a small group leader, but I think you should be talking to your small group too. If you're a small group and you have a dating guy or a dating girl in that group, really like ask them those questions. Like, "Hey, how's the relationship going?" And if you guys set up like, "Hey, can we hold you accountable to this?" And then like whatever that accountability thing is, regularly kind of go into that.

And then intentionality also means within the relationship. Within the relationship, you're setting up the boundaries and being intentional in everything that you're doing. Find good accountability and then learn from your own past. So if you guys have had like a dating past and you guys have made mistakes, maybe if you even haven't dated, but you made mistakes in how you went about dealing with someone you liked, learn from it.

But also learn from the mistakes others have made. Listen and really think like don't discount other people's experiences. At the end of the day, that's what counseling kind of becomes. Yeah, the word of God, but many people, the counsel comes through the word forged in the refining fire that happens in the person's heart and that comes down as experience.

And so learn from those things. And then lastly, if you do break up, break up with the love for God and others. Break up with the love for God and others. That means if you break up, make sure that it doesn't divide God's people. It doesn't make or create this unity amongst God's people.

You'll know, you'll know if you dated well by how you break up. If you date really, really well, then you'll get married. So yeah, here's some resources for you guys. Kissing, there's a book called Boy Meets Girl. Joshua Harris is the older one. There's a companion book. Well, this is the companion book.

The first one is I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Now Joshua Harris later on came out and said like, "Oh, I wrote this when I was too young," and stuff like that. I agree. He was really young when he wrote it, but I think there are a lot of good principles in it.

So that's a good one. Holding hands, holding hearts is like a personal favorite. I think that's a must, holding hands, holding hearts. Letters to a romantic. Kezia showed me this one. This one is like what I like to call like bathroom reading. Now they're really short chapters. And so Letters to a Romantic, and they're really good.

It just gives out like nuggets of gold. So I tried that one. In marriage, This Momentary Marriage by John Piper, When Sinners Say I Do by Dave Harvey, that's a popular classic. Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller was good. Marriage Wisely, Marriage, oh, Marry Wisely, Marry Well by Ernie Baker.

That one's a little bit more filled with scripture. So if you want like a lot of scripture guidance, that's a good one. For Men, Disciplines of a Godly Man, become a godly man before you date. And then An Exemplary Husband, that one rocked me as a college student by Stuart Scott.

For Women, Excellent Wife, that's the companion book to Exemplary Husband. That's by Martha Peace. From what I hear, great book. A Lies Woman Believe by Nancy DeMoss, and then Disciplines of a Godly Woman by Barbara Hughes. So those are some books. If you have any desire to just study more on your own and just think about things a little bit more, you guys can pick up some of those books.

So here is the Q&A. And what we're going to do is I'm going to give you guys up until 4.30 to message me questions and/or go to the bathroom and get snacks and stuff, okay? And from 4.30 to 5, I'm going to cut it at 5 because I said 2 to 5.

We start at 2.25, so I'm just saying. I'm doing a good job. Tice, always on my case. So go ahead and send me those and then you guys are kind of dismissed for the next seven